[breadcrumb]

Hi and welcome to third installment of the 30 Days To Empowered Self.

Click here to listen to this lesson on the Empowered Love Radio Show.

Self-worth comes from partnering our self effectively. It means applying integrity to the most important person in our life – which hopefully you have recognised by now is yourself!

Creating integrity means ‘being solid’. It means upholding thoughts and actions to yourself that are aligned with the person you wish to be.

When we ‘follow through’ and ‘back ourselves’ our self-confidence grows. It is only when we start trusting and affirming ourself that we have the ability to trust and affirm our place in life.

The truth is, as we know, life can be unpredictable. It can throw curve balls. People and situations are certainly not always going to behave in exactly the way we would like them to. As we start to become conscious and seek the creation of authentic power we realise that defining ourself as dependent on what other people and life are or aren’t doing can be incredibly self-defeating.

This is why creating a firm and solid sense of self is so important. This is not so that we become an ‘island’ and disconnect from life, it is so that we will be in the best possible internal shape to respond to ourselves, life and others healthily when it is required from us.

This make an incredible difference to how we engage in life every minute of every day.

If we come from a place of not being solid within ourself, and not strong in our own personal integrity – our reactions to life will be destructive – not only to ourself but to others.

If we are solid within ourself and strong in our own personal integrity – our response to life and others will be constructive and contribute to win / win outcomes for ourself and others.

Many people believe that people who are focused on solidness and integrity to self are selfish. There is nothing further than the truth. People with a weak sense of self and personal integrity are the individuals who create the most reckless and destructive actions to themselves, life and other people.

Being a solid source of integrity to yourself means you can uphold your word to yourself – and as your commitment to yourself grows, so does your self-confidence. You trust yourself as your essential life partner to follow through and work towards what you wish to achieve in your life.

If you don’t commit to you – why would you think you will attract other people in your life who would?

In week 1 we worked on developing the map of who you are (The Declaration To Self exercise).

It is very important to read this map often important to instil these traits regarding Who You Really Are.

Instilling these beliefs and striving to focus on and adopt these qualities in your life allows your sense of ‘self’ to become ‘rock solid’. By becoming rock solid in yourself you will not be susceptible to handing your power over and allowing other people’s conduct or beliefs to erode your sense of self.

This is authentic power – knowing your identity and truth without needing it to be validated, agreed with or granted ‘from the outside’.

The third ingredient to achieving self-worth (along with your sense of self and integrity) is your deservedness. This relates to your core beliefs of who you believe you are, and most importantly what you believe you deserve.

This is essential because no matter how much work you do on yourself, or how much action you take toward achieving your goals, if your deservedness is not in alignment with what you want to achieve, you will sabotage yourself and you will continue to default back to what you really believe you deserve.

An example may be if you grew up in a dynamic where you didn’t have money and you accumulated the belief that you didn’t deserve to have nice things such as holidays, or a lifestyle where you didn’t have to live from week-to-week struggling to pay the bills.

If you were to start working toward your goal of financial freedom without addressing the belief that is holding you back, you would not be able to achieve this new way of being. You will inevitably give up and remain living the experience that your deservedness is aligned with.

The goal of the first exercise is to align your deservedness with the limitless possibilities that you can create. Because the reality is that there are no limits – only limits that you place on yourself. When you release these limitations and create your authentic deservedness, there is no limit to what you can achieve!

 

Day 1 Testing My Beliefs Exercise

This following exercise may seem a little dramatic, however I promise you it is incredibly revealing – and can explain so much to you about your life. You may be astounded. Logically you may think ‘Why on earth would I score a “No” to that belief?’ – yet emotionally deep within you it truly has always been a struggle for you.

These are big foundational belief systems that if they are not congruent on an inner level, are going to unconsciously sabotage you time and time again.

Remember this: Your mind and actions are always going to default to ‘follow’ your belief systems – if they remain unconscious and if you do not do the inner work on them!

I would like you to test yourself on these beliefs.

Muscle testing is powerful, because your body will grant you a “Yes” or “No” answer to any question you ask it.

Here are some ways to muscle test:

Method 1)

With your dominant hand hold your thumb and index finger together, and make the pressure firm.

Now, with your non-dominant hand put your thumb though the ‘circle’ you have made with your dominant hand and then join your thumb up with the index finger on your non-dominant hand.

You should now have a figure 8, with your non-dominant hand thumb and index finger inside your dominant hand thumb and index finger.

Now I want you to say to yourself this statement

“My name is (your name)”

Now whilst keeping strong pressure with your dominant hand try to break the circuit open with your non-dominant hand by quickly pulling your non-dominant hand through to try to break the circuit.

If you can’t, your answer is “Yes”. You will have received a “Yes” for this test – you won’t be able to break the circuit.

Now make this statement: “My name is (use a different name).”

Now do the test again, making sure that you have strong pressure with your dominant hand. You will find that you will easily break the circle when you make this statement regardless of how much pressure you exert to try to keep your dominant thumb and index finger ‘closed’.

Your answer, when you can break the circuit is a “No”.

Method 2)

Use a pendulum – any swinging object will do (such as a necklace). Whilst keeping you hand as still as you can ask a question you know is a “Yes” answer and see if the object swings, and make note of which direction it swings.

Then ask a question that you know has a “No” Answer and do the same process. The pendulum should move in a different direction.

It is your body energy (Chi) which moves the pendulum.

Method 3)

Hold your dominant arm directly out from your side horizontally and make a fist.

Hold it as firmly as you can. Get another person to push down on your arm.

If the answer to a question is “No” you will not be able to hold much arm strength and your arm will be easy to push down.

If the answer is a “Yes” it will be much more difficult for the person to push your arm down because a “Yes” answer strengthens your physical power (energy).

Now with whichever muscle test process works for you – test these following statements and record your answers for each statement as a “Yes” or a “No”.

  • I deserve to live
  • I deserve to love and accept myself
  • I deserve to be loved and accepted by others
  • I deserve success
  • I deserve fulfilment
  • I deserve the things I want to achieve in life

As always, please don’t be disturbed by your answers! Remember it doesn’t matter what your mind would like to think, it is your inner belief systems which are in control of your life!

If you scored “No” to any or all of these statements don’t try to reject these inner beliefs, dismiss them, judge them or project them as someone else’s fault.

Embrace what is going on lovingly to yourself…

These are yours and you need to fully embrace them in order to heal them.

Know that now you have uncovered these limiting beliefs, and soon you will have the knowledge to address them.

After completing your answers we will move on to Exercise 2.

 

Day 2-3 “Why Don’t I Deserve?” Exercise

In regard to the deservedness statements that you tested “No” on, feel into the pain of each “No” and go right into it. Ask yourself “Why don’t I deserve this?” and open up to your thoughts and feelings regarding what comes up for you.

Write at least half a page for each point you answered “No” in exercise 1.

Know that by writing about how you feel, you’re loosening and releasing the belief systems that previously had their hold on you. You may be fascinated by what you discover – sometimes the ‘reasons’ we have limiting beliefs are incredibly amazing – and nothing that we would have ever logically perceived.

This is what self-discovery is all about – going deeply within and being prepared to unconditionally ‘be’ with our answers!

It’s important to know what authentic deservedness is.

It is a knowing, it is a solid connection and trust with ourself.

Deservedness is the belief and emotions of self-worth, self-belief and trusting and knowing the flow of our connection with Life.

It all starts with personal integrity. Everything we feel, know and believe in must start with Self.

There is no other authentic place to create this.

I’d like you to imagine a spinning top that has a chunk missing out of it. The faster the top spins (at times of stress) it is going to wobble and eventually topple, yet if this spinning top has integrity (no missing pieces) it doesn’t matter how fast it spins, it will remain upright and solid.

People who lack personal integrity (commitment) to themselves crack. Their unhealed parts and behaviours fly up to the surface very quickly when ‘the outside’ does not grant them what they want.

Being entitled may seem like deservedness. Be very clear it is not. People who act entitled, are people with high judgments (especially self-judgement), and they exercise unhealthy and unreasonable expectations and demands.

These people suffer from extreme poor levels of deservedness and are trying to force life and others to grant them the integrity (solidness) they are not creating for themselves.

People with healthy deservedness do not behave as entitled in any shape or form – they flow with life as fulfillment and joy whilst creating their life from a position of solidness and truth. They know that if people and situations are not a match for this solidness and truth – they can let go and create from unlimited possibilities people and situations that are a match.

 

Day 4 How Well Do You Uphold Integrity to Yourself? Exercise

Creating personal integrity is an essential key to creating deservedness. This exercise will allow you to understand how you relate to yourself, and how well you are or are not creating your own personal integrity.

Please answer these following questions honestly with a “Yes” or a “No”. (I think you fully understand the importance of being humble and real with yourself by now!)

  • Do you believe in your desires, or do you second guess yourself?
  • Do you face the truth so that you can be honest with yourself?
  • Can you rely on yourself to look after your own needs?
  • Do you encourage, promote and believe in yourself?
  • Do you support yourself lovingly in times of distress or pressure?
  • Do you set boundaries when you need to say “No” to something or someone?

Now that you have the answers to these questions, I would like to share with you some Integrity Mantras. These will help you set up your energy to re-frame and create a solid and healthy integrity to yourself.

 

Integrity Mantras

1. Align With Your Authentic Desires

It’s important to understand that your desires, your dreams and wishes are you Soul directing you. The more connected you get to knowing and working with yourself, you will understand that your Soul does not get it wrong.

In ascertaining these desires, ask yourself “Am I trying to do this to make me feel better or more whole?” – because if you are then you need to realise that these desires are being manufactured from ego and fear and are not your authentic desires.

If, on the other hand this desire feels like it is an expression of your Soul – it is your wholeness (even if are still on the way to establishing this) that you wish to share and express in the world – then absolutely this is a legitimate Soul desire.

Listen to your intuition and check in with your emotions and they will tell you if your desire is coming from a place of authenticity.

When you are aligned with your authentic desires as an expression of your Soul, you will trust your actions and know that the path you are on is your truth.

2. Be Truthful to Yourself and Your Word

Seek to be honest to yourself and stick by your word.

If you don’t seek truth and be truthful to yourself – you will seek illusions, scapegoats and excuses instead. There is no fooling your Inner Self, and every time you lie to yourself rather than face essential truths, you diminish your self-worth and self-trust.

Additionally make sure that when you set a task for yourself that it is realistic and you are not trying to accomplish more than is reasonable.

When you make a commitment to do something make sure you follow through.

Your word is an essential part of personal integrity, it creates a solid relationship of trust with yourself – because when you make a commitment to be real with yourself, and to accomplish something in your life you know you will be reliable.

Being honest with yourself and upholding your word develops and nurtures self-worth, self-belief and self-confidence.

3. It’s Your Job to Look After Your Needs

Seek to listen to your internal cues. Such as am I feeling stressed? Overwhelmed? Emotional? This will allow you to recognise when you need in order to look after yourself.

Commit to responding to these cues and ask yourself “What do I need to do for myself now?”

Remember that it is your job to look after yourself.

This may mean (as examples) taking a walk, having a relaxing bath, reading a self-help book or doing healing work on your emotions and unhealed parts.

4. Be Your Own Best Internal Encouragement and Support Squad

It is an essential part of creating solid personal integrity to speak to yourself in supportive, encouraging and loving ways.

Self-judgement and self-criticism is poisonous to your Inner Self and creates immense damage to your inner integrity. Stop doing this!

Self-validation is vital and without it you will always be acting in ways that seek approval and validation from the outside, which leads to all levels of personal pain, inner emptiness and non-fulfilment.

Once you turn around how you speak to yourself, what you think about yourself, and the thoughts you offer to yourself as loving, encouraging and supportive, you will find incredible changes happening on an inner level regarding how you feel about yourself.

You will also discover that you easily attract approval, encouragement and compliments without even trying, and you will no longer be put out in any shape or form if you don’t.

You will also realise that the aspects of your life that you want to create will start to happen so much easier – as you gain the confidence and self-belief which are synonymous with establishing a solid personal integrity.

5. Support Yourself in Times of Stress

When undergoing stress and pressure in your life recognise how your emotions are reacting from pain and fear.

In order to release your pain and fear that is triggered by external circumstances, it is vital to pull away from the situation and create a ‘gap’.

Know that it is impossible to act effectively when suffering the emotional charges of fear and pain.

Support yourself lovingly in times of fear and pain – withdraw and give yourself time to process, release, surrender and heal the fear and pain so that clarity can come in its place.

Then you will know how to respond to the challenge at hand, from a place of solid integrity, which is when you will produce the best and most empowered results for yourself.

6. Honour Yourself and Say ‘No’ More Often

It is no one else’s job to respect your boundaries and keep you healthy, happy and safe. If you are failing to uphold your boundaries, then you will continue to attract people and situations in your life which do not respect and will push your boundaries.

If you do not trust yourself to say “No” you may be terrified about expanding, dating or creating anything new in your life, because of how ‘unsafe’ it feels to you.

When you start taking care of your boundaries you will gain immense confidence in yourself and in the world, knowing that you can expand and be safe to be yourself – saying “No” to what isn’t your truth, and attracting more and more people and events that you are happy to say “Yes” to.

Please know this: No-one is going to love, respect and support you authentically until you have applied how to love, respect and support yourself authentically – and this is what these 6 Integrity Mantras are all about!

Now we will begin working on, and the re-framing of your integrity.

 

Day 5-7 Creating My Deservedness and Integrity Exercise

In this exercise you are going to go back to each question you answered “No” to in Exercise 3 and write out how you are going to emotionally and practically uphold integrity to yourself.

Use the Integrity Mantras as a guide to help you with each point.

Write at least half a page for each question you answered “No” in exercise 3.

Example (simplified): I don’t provide my own needs to myself.

I know that I often ignore how I feel, don’t make myself a priority and continue on regardless of being hungry, emotionally upset or any other range of uncomfortable feelings I may have.

NOW I will listen to myself, I will become my own best caretaker. I will step up fully and ask myself ‘What do you need?’ if I am not sure.

No longer am I going to put my emotional and basic needs aside, I am going to completely be there for myself.

I know I deserve to be treated with care and love, and I know it is my job to set up that vibration and beingness for myself – totally! This feels wonderful just as a result of knowing I can be there for myself and that I do deserve this!

 

Only 1 Week to Go!

After finishing week 3 you are only 1 week away from completing the 30 Days To Empowered Self Challenge!

How exciting 🙂

Know that by doing this work you are making a huge investment in your personal growth and your future.

You should be incredibly proud of yourself for making this commitment and knowing that you deserve it!

Please post your progress questions in the comments below to remain in the draw for 1 of 5 new Quanta Freedom Empowered Self Courses.

The new course will have 10 new Quanta Freedom Healing Modules on the topics we have been working on during the 30 Days To Empowered Self.

Some of the modules include: Becoming Love, Approval and Fullness to Myself. Creating Trust and Belief in Myself. Aligning With My Declaration To Self. Valuing Myself And Allowing Others to be Themselves.

Exercise One:

How many of the 6 foundational beliefs did you answer “No” to? Did this surprise you?

Exercise Two:

When you felt into why you answered “No” to these beliefs, did you gain a much greater awareness of what was going on for you? What were these revelations?

Exercise Three:

In this Integrity Exercise how many points did you score as a “No”? Has this helped you in understanding why being solid to yourself is important, and where you integrity has not been solid?

Exercise Four:

How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

The final week of the 30 Days To Empowered Self will be focusing on exclusively on boundaries.

I know a lot of you struggle in area so look out for it in your inboxes next week.

Wishing you all the best in week 3 and I look forward to answering your comments.

 

 

Join My FREE 16-Day Recovery Course to Begin
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Related blog post

Thriver Talks Special: Healing Financial Prosperity After Abuse

Read More

Repetitive Compulsion Disorder and Abuse

Read More

Commments (86) + Leave a comments

86 thoughts on “30 Days To Empowered Self Week 3 – Self-Worth, Integrity And Deservedness

  1. Thank you for another fantastic article Melanie. Love it. I’ve been working with NARP since November now and having great results, repeating the QFH with the more troublesome issues. You’ve talked about taking on others’ wounds/issues and how that can affect our karma. I’m struggling with this. How do we NOT do this? And how do we know when/if we’re doing this? I can’t get my head around it yet. Any help is appeciated.

    Blessings

    1. Hi Angela,

      I am so pleased NARP has been able to help you 🙂

      In response to your question “How do we not do that?”

      The answer is: We find the pieces of ourself that ARE doing that – and release them…

      And to answer “How do we know when / if we are doing that?”

      If and when we are doing that we feel responsible, enmeshed, in pain and / or projected on to. None of which is nice.

      We also ‘judge’ their journey as ‘wrong’ – rather than just allowing it to be ‘their journey’ and consciously choosing our own.

      Help and assisting others should only be as a result of two criteria – 1) they have taken full responsibility and 2) they have asked for help.

      Helping and ‘taking it on’ for any other reasons is destructive – not constructive.

      I hope this helps 🙂

      Mel xo

      1. What if a person asks for help, but has not taken full responsibility? More confusing I find is if they are not AWARE they have not taken on full responsibility. You as the healer can see according to your view of what responsibility is/spiritual health is, etc. places where they are blocked from awareness of what you believe they have or should have as a Spirit by some wounded beliefs, but they feel clear in their approach and do not have any sense of not being responsible.

        I get confused if maybe I am projecting my reality/beliefs on them as the ultimate Truth and not honoring their Soul Truth, actually dishonoring them when I think I am just sharing, giving, supporting them, living my True Self function. And I feel “right” about what I see and feel they really need to know to be truly alive, live their True Self function. Then it feels like what I want to share becomes divisive vs healing. They sense my judgment of where they are, my feeling “right” about what I know.

        If they express themselves with a need for understanding, respect and I respond with my views of what I see that I think is very spiritually correct and helpful, it seems to be anti healing. If I provide empathy and presence and am not full of my own agenda and beliefs about what they should be doing, need to do, what the problem with them is, it seems to open something more like Love.

        Yet I don’t know what to do with what I feel I do “see” in them as a place they are stuck. Why do I “see” this then? And does it mean I can only share with people who will let me be right and agree with me about how I see the Soul journey? Am I in fact “right”? What does it mean when I encounter people who stand by what they believe even if I see it as denial or lack of awareness?

        I am not “taking it on”. Perhaps they asked me directly for help and then I find the above dynamic arises. What to do?

        Thanks.

        1. Just wanted to add that it’s actually they feel like I think I am “right” about what I am saying instead of respecting them and listening to them. They see my sharing and caring and offering help as they have requested as an “agenda” now and close down.

          I don’t feel “right”. I feel I am just sharing the truth as lovingly as possible. Then I feel it is hard to do that because of the confusion of situations like this.

          1. Also LTD,

            have a look at your beliefs regarding ‘how people see me at these times’….

            The Ultimate Reality truth is every outer experience we have that causes us uncomfortableness, pain or anxiety is reflecting back to us an unhealed part of ‘self’…

            If you feel into ‘how that makes you feel’ and ask ‘What is this really about?” and open up to the answer you will get the message as to what this painful belief is.

            Mel xo

        2. Hi Living The Dream,

          People asking for help is fine, you can try to assist. You are not going to be effective if they can’t or won’t take personal responsibility…and in fact ‘helping’ them at this time will only enable them to stay stuck..

          Are they open to taking responsibily?

          Do they want to do the work on themselves and commit to getting better?

          Do they realise this is necessary?

          This is what I mean regarding taking personal responsibility.

          This next part is very important – have they SPECIFICALLY asked for your help – or have you just assumed ‘you can help them’?

          If you have assumed you are interferring, if after a suggestion about ‘what they can do’ they don’t ‘come on line’ with you.

          If they do resonate with you, and connect to what you are saying then by all means help, assist them gently and lovingly even if they are only starting this journey.

          If they don’t and your personal methods or beliefs don’t resonate with them – then they can find someone who is more of a match for them – if they desire to and if this is their truth – to heal…the world is fully of channels, messages and opportunities which can grant them this.

          If you sense your message is not for them – leave it alone…

          You don’t ‘have to’ fix anyone – our greatest mission is to fix and help ourself.

          If they are clearly projecting and blaming (specifically you), and refusing to be personally accountable or responsibility for their wounds, and the corresponding bad behaviour triggered by these wounds then that is the narcissistic model – which is deeply damaging to get involved in – or try to ‘help’ in any shape or form.

          Narcissists do NOT take personal responsibility – they may feign it – but it doesn’t last.

          Really when we ‘see’ people stuck, maybe we are not unconditionally loving them and accepting them ‘as is’…And we need to..

          If they wish to grow, then as per our exmaple they will, or because they decide they wish to, and as per our example (just being ‘self’) they may ask ‘Help me please with this’…until then we need to just focus on what we love about them, and allow them to be themself, and stop feeling over-responsible – knowing everyone’s journey is ‘divine’ no matter what it looks like.

          And absolutely if they have an opinion that you don’t agree with you, you can respect that is their opinion, and its ‘right’ for them at this time, and be free to express your truth.

          We certainly do not have to agree with everything about people to still accept them…we can allow people to be ‘where they are at’ and if they are not narcs, and hurling their unhealed parts at you then love them anyway 🙂

          I hope this helps!

          Mel xo

          1. Thank you so much for responding. One more question regarding this….I am actually in a training right now where part of it is to offer practice “sessions” to 3 clients 30 mins in length.

            This is where this subject is currently most alive. I feel really uncomfortable not knowing exactly what the difference between healing and my own ideas of it are, where my ego gets in the way.

            Also boundaries…if someone actually asks for help, but isn’t responsible. Or if they ask for help and it isn’t a match. Or how to even begin….maybe these questions are too big? I see though how the discomfort is tied to some kind of belief related to how I approach relationships including past experience with partnership.

            I don’t know if it’s also a lack of clarity about my personal method and beliefs to know what they are, where they start and how they resonate or don’t with a “client.” TO knopw what action is appropriate. This feel like so BIG of a question to clarify to be able to practice healing. I then feel I want to just give up on the training and feel hopeless about work as I don’t seem to care about anything here but healing. So don’t have any interest in other kinds of “work.”

            Thanks for reading.

    2. Exercise One:

      I honestly did not feel no w/ any of the 6.

      Exercise Two:

      I did not answer no. HOWEVER what I realized is that I can read and feel that I deserve these things– but in essence it has been lip service, this was reinforced for me in the 3rd exercise.

      Exercise Three:

      I had scored 2x no reinforcing the comment that I had made above- I have not been solid w/ myself. I HAVE BEEN STANDING IN MY OWN WAY- I have let myself down in the sense that I had stated/felt that I deserve these things but lacked the integrity.

      Exercise Four:

      The last part of this week’s challenge provided me with a practice to help me get out of my way. Practice every day authenticity – Love, respect, and support myself.. I found the 6 integrity mantras to be the prescription that I needed.
      In closing it is so important that I celebrate the revelations (painful) because once I “see it” I can do something about it. – Instead of standing in my own way.. I need to “have my own back” 🙂
      Thank you Mel for this week’s challenge.

      1. Hi Rhonda,

        These foundational beliefs may be in place, but we certainly can have other ones keeping us separated from being a true source to self..

        As you have stated you knew you deserved these ‘goals’ but just had not as yet created the ‘alignment’ to them – this can be common…

        I am so glad this week’s information provided you with definite ‘medicine’ to support your own integrity.

        Gorgeous stuff Rhonda, to start looking after YOU solidly!

        Great job 🙂

        Mel xo

        1. Exercise One: How many of the 6 foundational beliefs did you answer “No” to? Did this surprise you?

          Answering here as I was glad to read above that one may have these foundational beliefs in place and have other ones to heal to allow True Self function. It helped my confusion and yes, surprise when I had yes to all of these having anticipated they must be part of what I need to heal as they are singled out here. I was thinking maybe muscle testing just didn’t work on me and somehow they were false positives.

          Exercise Two: When you felt into why you answered “No” to these beliefs, did you gain a much greater awareness of what was going on for you? What were these revelations?

          I enjoyed reading about the difference between entitlement and “I deserve.” I had remembered attending a workshop several years ago about having a healthy spirituality. The tool she used was a questionnaire and my “bad” score for the test was around entitlement.

          She did not have a distinction of believing I deserve love and respect as I live in the Flow of Life or believing I deserve it to fill a lacking of Self and will get it by any meant necessary, etc. So, I was always curious how respecting yourself could be “bad.” It was at a catholic church so part of it could be the very societal beliefs we have inherited of self before other that undermined developing and sustaining a connection to our own True Self.

          Exercise Three: In this Integrity Exercise how many points did you score as a “No”? Has this helped you in understanding why being solid to yourself is important, and where you integrity has not been solid?

          I had a few maybe-ish’s. And they were not caused by a lack of solidity, but more by different values. Infact, I found the reason they were no was integrity. For example, one was the question about encourage, promote, believe in my self. I said maybe no, because I believe when I am truly present and in my True Self function, my True Self does not require encouragement, promotion or belief. It is already whole and full and just waits for me to align with it more and more. The self that needs encouragement, promotion, belief is the self that keeps my focus on it and away from just Flowing with the Soul I am.

          Exercise Four: How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

          I feel more clear about some of the values I have in place. And I also enjoyed feeling around for refinements that fit for me though I didn’t find them to be about being out of integrity. For example, in taking care of my needs, I have been working on a self parenting practice. One of the things I am up to is learning to understand what needs we truly have…If our parents did not respond to our needs but were instead mostly reacting, we did not learn how to recognize them ourselves. SO there is an education process for myself to learn what they are. I am engaged in that learning and until I have it I will not be as good at meeting my needs without that information though not for lack of integrity.

          So, it was really good to think about deservedness vs entitlement, what is authentic desire. I received much benefit reflecting on this weeks material, continuing to understand this journey to Flow with Life as solidness and truth

          Note: It is very late Tuesday night here in Arizona, so post is on first day of week 4 here. Not sure if that will meet deadline for week 3. I did the exercises in my notebook as previous weeks, but was sick past few days and just able to get on the computer to transfer some highlights here to answer questions.

          1. Hi Living The Dream,

            Yes there is an enormous difference between ‘entitlemnt’ and ‘deserving’. Entitlement absolutely is a playing out of not being in deservedness. It comes from a poor sense of self.

            I agree that when in True Self flow we don’t need encouragment and support to ‘self’ but what when we are not? What if we haven’t yet achieved a desire, or we are ‘triggered’ from within or without and doubt ourself – which is a part of our human experience claiming more True Self function – if we work at it.

            The support for ‘self’ is the same as the support of Source, and the ‘be’ it sometimes I beleive we need to emulate it!

            Yes, there is no problem with deadlines as long as all the questions are answered by the end of the 30 Days..

            Thank you LTD for posting 🙂

            Mel xo

          2. This is a great question. What is the most beneficial response for all beings when I find myself “not in True Self flow”? Do I use thinking to encourage and promote myself? Does this lead me into more Truth for myself and everyone?

            Does emulating it make us become it? Or is it trying to solve it at the thinking level which separates us from it further?

            If there are just going to be moments when we are in our ‘self’ what is the most beneficial way to experience these for all beings? Being loving to ourselves can’t hurt and def no point in beating ourselves up.

            AND is my perception that during that time it is my duty to try to control what happens next or blame myself for what is happening because I have made it happening feeling unworthy? I may have said something similar before as I am grappling with this question at a deep place in me.

            Wisdom teaches tell me to surrender in those moments and allow my heart to expand and feel more compassion for myself and all beings. Empowerment teaches me to write out things I want, find where I feel unworthy so I can make my experience what I want it to be….

            But wisdom says that is going to lead to more pain when life turns out as it does regardless and I am again invited to surrender and accept.

            I appreciate people as yourself who have probably already lived through these questions and can share what you find to be true. Did you ever wonder if surrender and accept was what you are called to vs getting life to be what you want it to be?

            And I certainly do not mean accepting bad treatment at all….I mean on an energetic level when you are beyond being physically or psychologically in danger. You have cleared that and are now wondering what is the most beneficial way for you to participate as a Soul?

            Thanks much for the place to wonder these questions.

            Peace.

          3. Hi Living The Dream,

            thinking can be self-supporting thoughts we choose as ‘habits’ in our life – which are far more loving and supportive than entertaining thoughts that are not self-supportive, or which allow us to be in negative peptide addictions (fear / pain)…out brain signals absolutely have the ability to change what our brain manufactures as peptides – which then trigger our emotional addictions..

            Ultimately I believe the best way to change our thinking into ‘knowing’ – authentic embodiment is to work directly on our belief systems – this is why I love the deep inner processes of QFH to make changes on a direct Inner Identity level – then there is far less ‘management’ thinking that needs to take place in our heads.

            Observing ourself is a lot different than blaming or judging ourself. We are not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ we are simply operating in ways that do or do not serve us, and we have the power to make amendments to ourself lovingly – knowing these will benefit us and life….

            In regard to’surrender’ or ‘creation’ it depends what your beliefs are and what your attachment to outcomes are. For me both ‘creation’ and ‘surrender’ play a role – and emotional mastery is required for both.

            I believe we are creators, I believe we are God-Self / creation itself. And I believe we were given the ability to know ourself as creators. As creators we are creating every minute of ever day – even a person is deep depression is re-creating stagnation and depression over and over continuously.

            The very nature of the Universe (which we are all apart of) is ‘creation’.

            If we are in True Self function ‘the joy of creation’ then we are not attached to outcomes – the very flow and inspiration of creation is the feeling we desire (passion) that feels so wonderful and so alive that is a gift in itself. If we believe a certain outcome has to happen a certain way then we are in the pain of external power seeking (I need this to happen a certain way for me to feel worthy / whole / acceptable) – which is not what I believe ‘creation’ from desire is all about.

            That is creation from need and emptiness.

            The true model of inspired creation is to live our passions, express them, love the journey and the expansion and enjoy everything that does or doesn’t show up as wonderful feedback about our creativeness and what we can keep growing with, amend, heal or keep affirming.

            The surrender is in not being attached to outcomes and simply living passion and creation from the heart with integrity…and loving the feeling of that.

            I find that if I am not ‘creating’ I am not honouring the expansion of my soul’s callings and desires, which are a very important part of who I am – I believe we all have desires for a very special reason – because they are a ‘calling’…they are our ‘truth’. They are ‘Life’ calling us forth to become more ‘Life’.

            Just my take on all of this 🙂

            I love your questions!

            Mel xo

  2. Thanks Mel, I’ve just printed it off and I will take it home to do the exercises as I’m in the public library.I feel fortunate to have experience a relatively good ammount of professional success , so I know what it takes to get there , well , for me anyway, and that was just to know what I wanted to do and visualise myself doing it as if I was so hungry for it , I could not contemplate anything else.For me though I would say my success lasted about 2 and half years before the old patterns crept back in and began to undo all the success I had achieved and set me back even further than where I was before I found success.It was bizarre how level headed and constructive I was on my way to success ,I had to work hard for a while and I just forgot why I wanted to be there.In the lost twin dynamic with my brother , there is a strong sense of guilt , regret and self judgement. I think it also goes back to a past/parallell lifetime where I witnessed loads of people being killed for there beleifs and wished that I could have done more to help them, so I have been holding myself back from growing into a man. I know I have a mans body and a mans heart, but there is something in my mental age that is keeping me stuck. I feel like that could be something to do with deep imprints of trauma from my birth too adding additional stress and mental confusion.Back when I had my burst of success I did not understand about love and relationships,I was in so much pain ,my views on love and relationships were quite distorted, so I think in a way I just needed more time to grow and learn inorder to become ready to embrace the good things in life in a soul centred way.

    1. HI Andrew,

      it is great that you are so dedicated to this 30 days 🙂

      Truly Andrew I know that these processes are going to really release and allow a lot of stuff…

      And just by deeply feeling into, writing about and reframing you are going to get some really big breakthroughs – and what is left can be addressed with QFH.

      Keep up your dedication, you’re doing a great job 🙂

      Mel xo

  3. Hello Melanie. I have just spent some hours going through these exercises. I used a pendulum for the muscle testing which worked really well (I have a broken finger on one hand and always struggled with the figure 8)I scored a yes for everything…

    This whole exercise resonated really powerfully with me. I realized how much I have learnt and how far I have come.

    For the last seven months I have been working with NARP. I have spent the loneliest winter of my life struggling with pain and fear and knowing that if I didn´t go inward and really look at was really going on I would never recover. So that is what I did.

    Thanks to your wonderful programme, and all the help and support from you and the group, I can honestly say that today I am changed. I feel so different. I have my confidence back.. I have my life back… I have new friends and new experiences that I never would have imagined possible. I still have to be diligent and stay with this new awareness! But the solidness is so real.

    And I finally understand what you mean by the knowing of coming home to yourself….because that is what has happened to me.

    Blessings and love xxx

    1. Hi Carolyn,

      That is wonderful that you scored a “Yes” for each point – truly a confirmation of the work you have been doing on yourself 🙂

      Yay! That is so lovely to know how much you have healed and recovery and gained YOU! I am so pleased for you.

      It is so beautiful that you did go within, confront the pain and do the shifts with NARP (and of course gained love and support from the NARC Support Group)and emerged into your True Life!!

      I think that statement ‘coming home to yourself’ does have to be experienced truly to be understood Carolyn 🙂

      Thank you for your post sweetie 🙂

      Mel xo

  4. Hi melanie,
    It is really interesting information that you are presenting here and i am enjoying these little exercises to get to the bottom of the old patterns.Astonishingly though I got a yes to all of the questions which I found strange.I was interested about what you said about high judgement including self judgement, I have experienced alot of that and it brought up an emotional reaction , so I explored it a bit deeper and it seems I have been holding onto a beleif that sex causes suffering and I dowsed to see if it originated from me and it did’nt it was a beleif I took on.I just really want to get out of the gunk to let my light shine . I know these exercises are bringing more clarity, thanks for your help
    Andrew

    1. Hi Andrew,

      That’s great you got a “yes”, and it means these foundational beliefs are congruent, but of course there may be others that aren’t.

      It is really good that you have embraced the link between the judgement from the outside, and the judgement that you play out between you and yourself..

      It is a very big key to understand and shift…

      And then great that you followed your intuition and went deeper – because this truly is how we get our ‘answers’.

      I am so pleased the exrecises are assisting with clarity, and you are so welcome 🙂

      Mel xo

  5. Day 2-3 Exercise on Deservedness
    Passed 4 out of 6 with finger test

    Failed on: I deserve to be loved and accepted by others

    I was doubtful about anything new coming out of myself, after months of self-work…
    If I was loved I would no longer be outcast (in my mind). What part of me is not accepted by my heart: weak part, lonely part, odd part, bad part…? To be loved means not being the opposite to what I value more. No longer able to deny my value anymore. To be included means that I believe that others fully care and love me. If this is true then I need to also commit to it fully. I am terrified of being rejected anew therefore I didn’t care to play the love game with all my heart because of my fears, past rejection cycles from N, and my old childhood belief posture.
    I seemed to have maintained an insecurity, sabotaging posture that digs at any love shown to me and tries to unravel it by digging and looking for a gap in the ‘love’. To expose it as false or keep me undeserving.
    Stuck in an eternal internal battle against my true self and all of my false beliefs that my ego-self developed to protect me from harm and even more injury during my childhood abuses.
    Enough of that… I can and will love myself enough to satisfy my own needs for constancy and truth in love. Others can meet me there with their own love. And maybe then, I will be able to drop this tired posturing of not deserving love.

    Failed on: I deserve the things I want to achieve in life

    In truth I am looking for new employment right now. It’s been so difficult for me to stay focused long enough to polish my resume. I couldn’t even bear the thought of reviewing my past experiences (failings), reaching out to past colleagues (why would they bother to help me) and lost opportunities until recently. That was likely because of feeling ashamed and victimized by the N.
    As to the thoughts that came to me…after failing this test, I feel that I am not good enough, not perfect enough for work or positive achievements to come. I undervalue myself and my skills for fear of being told otherwise – being judged as not good enough. I believe that it’s wrong to be proud and secure in your strengths and accomplishments…being opposite to the boastful N.
    Unable to challenge or face up to a dominant authority like an interview panel, or other A-type person in charge of hiring…shame. I have a Fear of Failure. It means that I never really try hard enough to succeed. Trying hard means that I no longer have the option of ‘ DENIABILITY’ for having sought out what I really want from life. Not trying = not failing.
    Wow – this is hard to accept, but I think that I now know it more clearly and hopefully it can be released.
    Something to work on… with more self-love and acceptance.

    Lots to think about and I feel that something good has come out of this exercise
    thanks Melanie
    Charlie xo

    1. Hi Charlie,

      You have done a fantastic job on feeling into and claiming the reasons in Exercise 2 -truly…absolutely wonderful, and incredibly healing…

      Yes it is ‘hard’ to face – until we start realising the incredible results that facing our stuff creates.

      Charlie something great has come (is coming) out of this – totally!

      Which is the path to releasing all of this, and being free of it…that’s exactly what facing it (embracing it) creates – just keep going 🙂

      You are doing SO well! (Truly..)

      Mel xo

  6. Melanie I can’t thank you enough for your 30 days to empower. I’m 60 years old and have been in terrible relationships or chose to stay alone throughout my life. I’ve read endless self help books etc. I’ve never experienced narcissism though. I can’t believe how you have found the words to explain this disorder. The behavior is unbelievable and impossible to explain the whole dynamic of this relationship I’ve been in for 7 years. The answer IS in your words. I’ve read everything there is about this horrible addiction that develops thinking the only answer is THEM (the N). YOU ARE THE ONE THAT FINALLY GOT THROUGH TO ME. I AM THE ANSWER. I can’t thank you enough. I had to write a note and say thank you. You could have just done all the research and work and not shared all this info. I have a long way to go. Oddly enough I don’t think I would have got IT until 60 years old!! Thanks again….

    1. I re read my post and I meant to convey. I have experienced narcissism in my last relationship and still am going through the need to contact this N. BUT, thanks to you I know who I really need to work on. ME

  7. Day 2-3 Exercise on Deservedness
    Passed 3 out of 6 with finger test
    I deserve to love and accept myself

    I deserve success

    I deserve the things I want to achieve in life.

    Failed on
    I deserve to live

    I deserve fulfilment
    Why i failed on I deserve to be loved and accepted by others:
    To be loved by others would be scary as i am not sure how much i am willing to reveal and i guess i am somewhat still judgemental of myself and i am sure that would be reflected back on me.

    I am terrified of being judged. To be loved means that others would realize am not as perfect as i always presented myself and am scared that my false self would not measure up. I wonder why i hang on so tightly to this perfectionism deal, i think its because this is what was rewarded by parents teachers and I earned my False self respect by intimidating others with my “perfectionism” It was my dear weapon. Now letting others love me means i wont use that weapon against them!
    I don’t need to be perfect am wanting to heal

    Failed on: I deserve to live:
    Am afraid that the future is uncertain and thus am not sure how much life i deserve. Life has been turbulent for me, several tragedies lost my father could not attend the funeral, and so its easy for me not to have any clear expectation lest catastrophe strikes and there i go..Its a defense mechanism. I just don’t want to feel the pain of living so i choose to exist by accident… this way i don’t commit fully to being responsible for my future thinking i could die any time so whats the big deal…

    I deserve fulfillment

    I have never known what fulfillment means as i always lived to please other. I looked for fulfillment from without so its hard to feel as if i deserve fulfillment from within me cause i NEVER GRANTED THAT TO MySELF in the past. Its sad to acknowledge that i dont know what it is to be fulfilled. I feel sorry for myself at how detached i have lived my life…

    This exercise was painful but liberating

    Thanks melanie

    1. Hi Rachel,

      It is very powerful when we DO dig down into these foundational beliefs…

      By getting to the real ‘reasons’ why these beliefs are not congruent – you can focus on and heal these areas.

      That is so true that we do not know how to accept love if we still judge ourselves as ‘not good enough to be loved’.

      Perfectionism and ‘needing to be perfect in order to be loved’ is a big issue which can play out for many people.

      When you heal this and learn how to love and accept yourself flaws and all, you will know, feel and ‘be’ the energy of others accepting and loving you flaws and all too..

      You will experience so much relief and deep connected love with others when you know all you have to be is ‘real’ and certainly not ‘perfect’…(which never works).

      When you can shift into ‘I deserve and have full permission to live, because I am Life Force and Life’…this will help you so much…

      This is wonderful that you have realised that you always looked for fulfilment from the outside, and now need to become this energy on the inside.

      Really work and heal to turn around from the sadness of what you have been living to date, so that you can move into the excitment of the True Creation of you – and you TOTALLY will burst forward into the new true way of being who you dearly desire to be.

      You have done such an incredible job of finding your answers – and now you CAN re-create yourself…

      Thank goodness you found these reasons – otherwise what would you have done?

      Mel xo

  8. Hi Mel,

    I found your website about three years ago and I have to say I am soooo glad I did! I had a marriage with a Narc for almost 11 years and together for 14 total. We have been divorced now for almost 3 years in July. I did your Narc program about a year ago and it has helped tremendously! All the ebooks as well! I was excited to work on the 30 days to empower and have been working on my life for the past 2 years. 🙂

    What I got from Week 3 Questions:

    I answered yes to 2 of the 6 questions. I deserve to love and accept myself was a huge healing, eye opening, realization of what I REALLY need to focus on healing more of. Also, I deserve to be loved and accepted by others. I grew up in a very mentally abusive home and I made friends that were abusive as well and then it followed into every love relationship up to my marriage. After my divorce and the Narc program I knew why I had attracted that type of personality and I have grown a ton. But, I see I really need to focus now on LOVING MYSELF, NUTURING MY SELF, Saying loving, kind, positive things to myself. I am a big people pleaser and I really see how the part of me that needs a lot of healing is seeing MY INNER talents, personality, and true love for myself. It is healing to get these feelings on paper and relive the hurt and pain from the childhood abuse and to see that it’s not WHO I AM. I really appreciate this program you have put on to help others! Thanks so much!

    Heidi

    1. Hi Heidi,

      I am so pleased the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program helped you so much!

      This is fantastic that you have committed to these processes, and seeing the next healing steps to move REALLY forward…

      Wonderful how you were able to clearly see ‘why’ you have been disconnected from granting energy to yourself.

      You are so welcome Heidi, and this is lovely that you can now work on becoming a true loving force with yourself…

      Very exciting 🙂

      Mel xo

  9. Exercise One – How many of the 6 foundational beliefs did you answer “no” to? Did this surprise you? ANSWER: For some odd reason I muscle tested “yes” to all 6 and that surprised me.

    Exercise Two – When you felt into why you answered “no” to these beliefs, did you gain a much greater awareness of what was going on for you? What were these revelations? ANSWER: I was a little scared of answering “no” to some of these questions but was pretty pumped when they all turned out to be “yes” … because then I felt an immense relief in the realization that maybe I do have the ability to change for the better. There’s still hope for me yet! LOL

    Exercise Three – In this Integrity Exercise how many points did you scare as “no?” Has this helped you in understanding why being solid to yourself is important, and where your integrity has not been solid?
    ANSWER: My integrity has not been solid on 4 of the 6 questions. Through this exercise, I have realized that my whole reality to-date has been built on fear. I now know that I need to be more solid with myself – focusing on my own desires, dreams and wishes – that express my authentic Soul desires. That only then will I be able to trust myself (and others) and know that the path that I am on is my truth. I need to speak to myself in more loving, encouraging and supportive ways. And to remember that when I am feeling pain/fear, I need to withdraw and give myself time to process, release, surrender and heal the fear/pain so that clarity can come in its place. Because only then can I ever expect to respond from a place of solid integrity. I also need to remember to take care of my boundaries so that I will gain confidence in myself and the world.

    Exercise Four – How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now? ANSWER: Wonderful – I feel energized when I realize that it is my job (and nobody else’s) to create my “new” reality, which is no longer based on fear … but which is based on solid integrity (ie. that includes love, trust, care, confidence, clarity, and truth when it’s spoken through my authentic Soul desires). I can do this!

    Again, thanks so much Melanie for your wisdom, support and advice. I love having pertinent exercises available that help me to work on and really dig out all the cobwebs … because with each one, I gain more clarity and understanding (and confidence too) for what I need to do. Now I don’t feel like the goal is so far out of my reach.

    1. Hi Chantal,

      Yes I know that may have been a surprise – and of course there may be aother beliefs that you will get to later that are a ‘no’…It’s good however these ones are a ‘Yes’…

      Its great in exercise 3 that you were able to pinpoint where you can get more solid with your integrity to yourself.

      This is wonderful that your reframing granted you so much more clarity and inspiration.

      It is incredibly energising when we come back into our true power centre rather than feeling the emptiness of external power seeking 🙂

      Our inner ‘knowing’ feels fabbo knowing that when we ‘are’ something that we co-create ‘more’ in the world.

      This is why it feels so ‘right’! 🙂

      You are so welcome Chantal, and I am so pleased that the goal of creating yourself authentically feels real for you now – you are TRULY on the right track!

      Mel xo

  10. Hi mel,
    I’ve been thinking about this section alot trying to piece things together , wondering why I could not sustain my success and self beleif. I know I have already mentioned part of what I have discovered but other information has been coming to me and I beleive that one of my default patterns is fear of death, I also beleive that when I am successful it might result in people turning against me because of jealousy or shame. I guess that when I was successful I did not know how to handle my success and I might have come accross as being something like a rich kid or spoiled brat. Nothing could be further from the truth , but somehow people got that impression.I think that rather than feel undeserving of my good, I feel like there is a pipe with my good coming down to me and god, the great spirit, wakan tanka or whoever, is blocking this pipe like a wise parent and saying “it’s for your own good” , it’s just till you’ve learned the laws of love, cosmic laws etc. which is what I’m doing here, thanks

    Andrew

    1. Hi Andrew,

      What you are describing here are deep DNA compromises / programs.

      Andrew, please refresh me – Do you have NARP and the bonus healing MP3?

      Truly my experience is these types of Programs need energetic attention to get to and release their origins…and I can certainly grant you the directions to help you achieve that rather than requiring a personal session.

      Mel xo

      1. Hi mel,
        I have faith in your ability to help me and it will happen in due course,be assured I am not shopping around to find the best deal or anything like that,I am simply getting back ontop of my situation in all respects and when I can I will book a quanta session with you or subscribe to the narp programme.I dowsed as to when I will most likely have the resources to participate and the answer I got was in around 3 weeks time, hopefully by then I will be in full time employment , but doing this programme has made me try that bit harder to find work. I actually got an impression last night of someone saying “you’re going the long way round”. At present I can’t see any other way , but I hope to soon,

        Andrew

        1. Hi Andrew,

          yes of course, and sorry if I came across as pushy..that was not my intention – I can just recognise that you do have some ‘deep stuff’ (as many of us can have – me included) that would really benefit from energetic healing and make it so much easier, faster and more direct.

          That will be great if you can later on. NARP is so much more an economical way to do this – raher than personal sessions with me – and it is an eight week wait time to get a session with me at present..

          So yes of course just when you can – its great you are working really hard at this for now…and you are doing a great job of that 🙂

          Mel xo

          1. Hi Mel,
            I understand what you mean about deep patterns,it might not seem it but I’ve been doing inner work for quite a while, but on 2 or 3 occasions just before I get the final examns I have landed back on my arse, and beleive me , I am not sure if it’s the same for everyone but you literally forget everything you learned and you have to start from scratch again.one time I cleared all my stuff using essences without any support from anyone whatsoever, it was great , the big black spider and the xenomorph had no power over me at all, it was just that I did not have the foundational information to help me hold my power , so when I was faced with an abandonment issue it just ripped me down and everything that I had cleared literally forced it’s way back into my body.I am just trying to get the timing right , there is something about timing , I don’t know what it is , maybe it’s just being patient, and making slow and progressive healing. Have I written enough to be entered into the draw? I think I have but I am just checking, thanks

            Andrew

  11. Hi Mel, for EX 1 and 2 I came up with a no on two.

    1.I deserve to love and accept myself and I deserve to be loved and accepted by others. I don’t love my family. I do love my kids but I think love is hard for me and feel maby disconnected like the narcs. Horrible thought. I think that love means pain and abandonment to a degree and I am only worthy for the things I do. So the self worth issues are there. This has been scary for me and I did not want to even write it down. xxJane

    1. Hi Jane,

      thank you for your post 🙂

      Hun don’t avoid it, as you will only keep it stuck in place – now is your opportunity to loosen it, release it and start to heal it…this is so important.

      Darling write about it and feel into it, and cry if you need to – and truly then you will start to open up to the healing and solutions related to this…

      Hugs and love sweetie – this will be SO worth it…sending you love 🙂

      Mel xo

  12. Hi Melanie,
    This is my first time posting. I am grateful that I stumbled upon your website. From your first sentence I realized that you ‘got it’ and that I needed to ‘get it’ too! I have , often times, painful gone thru these exercises and although I thought I had done much work on myself I soon realized that I have much yet too discover.
    In exercise week 3 I answered Y to all except “I deserve to be loved and accepted by others” Not fully a surprise yet so painful I cried for an hour. I continue to write and journal about my emotions surrounding this issue and although I know and accept these experiences that I suffered it seems there I still things I feel and yet are not able to verbalize or fully get at yet? This I know is a bedrock issue for me and this belief has affected every area of my life to the point of not wanting to go on.
    I am working diligently on myself and I too
    feel this has been a fully challenging Winter one I will never forget. I want to personally thank you Melanie for doing this
    most important work helping those of us who aare seekers and long to become and feel whole again. Namaste- Jennifer

  13. Hi Jenn,

    Thank you for posting and getting involved…

    That is lovely that this information resonates with you…

    I am so pleased your cried and wrote and wrote and stayed with this wound…keep going sweetie and love and accept yourself unconditionally. You truly are on the right track – absolutely.

    By walking through and claiming and reframing the pain you will heal out to the other side..

    You are very welcome Jenn, and truly ‘yes’ by seeking, wanting and applying to yourself you will become your Soul Truth wholeness – most definetely.

    All we need to do in order to claim this – is clear and release our unhealed parts (our pain)…

    Hugs and healing 🙂

    Mel xo

  14. Exercise Four:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

    I feel as though i have ways to go but hey am getting their. I feel exhausted but at least i have not made foolish choices i.e. ignored my feelings. Am making progress

  15. Exercise 4:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

    I feel as though i have ways to go but hey am getting their. I feel exhausted but at least i have not made foolish choices i.e. ignored my feelings. Am making progress

  16. I decided to work on my exercises early this week because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I have things planned this weekend. I also thought it would be beneficial to complete it before my actual birthday…sort of a gift to myself!

    Exercise One:
    Firstly, I would like to thank you Melanie for introducing me to using the pendulum to check in with my belief systems. About a year ago I was told about this method of muscle testing but thought you needed to buy a special pendulum and I couldn’t be bothered at the time. And to be honest, I did not think it would work. But wow, it really did! I was definitely surprised by this! I tested it by saying obvious yes answers like my name, I am a girl etc. and when I said a different name or gender it did swing another way – amazing!
    Surprisingly, I only answered “No” to only one belief – I deserve to be loved and accepted by others. I was surprised because I thought I would be a “No” to most of them, but it was a true testament to how far I have come in my healing.

    Exercise Two:
    When checking in on why I did not deserve to be loved and accepted by others I realized it came from the belief of not being born into the ‘right’ family background and social standing. I am sure this belief came from a past life, maybe I was cast aside for not being of the right ‘pedigree’ and I was not accepted in society or I was not worthy of marriage as a result of my family background, but this is definitely something that I have struggled with in this lifetime. I have always been embarrassed by where my family lives (it was not in the same wealthy neighborhoods as my friends) and not having enough money as my friends, and also coming from a broken home. My parents decided to send me to an upscale private school so I grew up with wealthy friends, but I myself was not wealthy. I was always struggling to be ‘accepted’ and liked by others in order to hide the shame of my family background. I can see now how I ended up with a man (my ex-narc) that was not capable of loving me for who I am and not accepting of who I am – I never did about myself either. I can also see why it was so painful for me to see him move on with a girl that did have the right family background and wealth that I did not have.

    Exercise Three:
    I answered “No” to all of these. I definitely think I am in the process of becoming a more solid sense of self and I do know how important it is to become solid to myself and to have integrity. The lack of a solid self has been the reason for all the pain in my life. And there is just so much pain one person can endure before having no choice but to learn how to put boundaries up and changing ways. I definitely feel I am at the point of HAVING NO CHOICE but to create a more solid self because I do not think my body will be able to endure more pain. Literally, I physically got sick when I kept ignoring the pain.

    Exercise Four:
    I feel relief. I feel like I have more of a sense of awareness as well. A part of me is sad for having gone this long without upholding my integrity and creating a sense of self, but as I keep getting reminded, it’s all lessons in life we have to learn and EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There are no coincidences or stroke of bad luck, it all happened in perfect order at the right time. I need to keep reminding myself of that, otherwise I get stuck in the self-judgement

    1. Hi GA,

      I hope you had a lovely and gorgeous birthday!!

      I am so glad the ‘pendulum’ worked for you – that is awesome!

      Yes GA, it is an amazing testimony of how far you have come – truly 🙂

      (I am not suprised at all!)

      Oh yes now you are getting deep down into the DNA junk on this topic (as I know you have been doing for a while now on many topics) – where many of our painful beleifs can be set up.

      Fantastic that you have been able to locate this one – and absolutely if it was never healed previously it was always going to play out in this lifetime as well!

      WOW isn’t it amazing how our painul fearful beliefs play out in incredible techicolour (so literally) in our life (that is until we heal them…)

      I am so pleased GA that you feel relief, and that you are so committed to becoming the solid source to yourself.

      Absolutely everything we played out was meant to be – and it was all in perfect and divine order (no matter how ‘yuk’ it was!)…and the beautiful thing now is that because you are seeking ‘self’ authentically, all of the answers, prompts, ways and guidance is being delivered (life and your Soul working together with your personality choice).

      Which means in this eternal moment of now (and the continuing ones) everything is being granted to assist you to be whole and free!

      This is SO exciting 🙂

      You are going great 🙂

      Mel xo

      1. Melanie,

        You couldn’t be more right about “all the answers, prompts, ways and guidance is being delivered” I can’t believe you just wrote that because that’s EXACTLY what happened this week!There has been unbelievable opportunities being presented to me and answers are coming to me in ways I would never expect them to. It made me realize, all those “answers, prompts, ways and guidance” were always there, I just had too much ‘junk’ in the way I never noticed it. It’s incredible. Thanks!

        1. Hi GA,

          I’m glad that resonates – you are on song 🙂

          It’s the being ‘at one with self, and one with Life’…then you and life become ‘one’.

          This can’t happen when in the head and ego…

          YAY! 🙂

          Mel xo

  17. Hi Mel, another great enlightening week 🙂

    Exercise 1.
    I was really surprised to answer ‘yes’ to all 6 questions but when I looked into it further, more things started to make sense. I distinctly remember years ago, saying to my best friend who is now dead, that I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t injecting heroin like everybody else around me (I was taking drugs/alcohol) and he said to me that it was because I had too much self respect and I can remember going quiet and thinking that I really didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, I just didn’t know what that meant ~ ‘self respect’ and it hurt my brain to even try to think about it so I left it at that but it has always stuck in my mind but I smiled so much and my heart was so full of love when I realized, after doing these exercises, that I have always had self respect, self love etc etc it is just that I was so removed from my feelings as a way of protecting myself as a very very young child that I became almost like a shell, like my mother, just trying, from as young as I can remember, to survive and protect myself as best I could and I can see now how all my experiences in life have helped me get back in touch with my feelings and who I am and it has been a bumpy road for sure but I can see now how the universe, God, who ever, has supported me all along the way which really makes me realize even more that my intentions have always been good and honest for me to have received such incredible support. So this answers Exercise 2 also.

    Exercise 3
    I was unsure of question one so I went on the side of ‘no’ and answered yes to all the others, even the last question which really made me smile because it shows how far I have come in these last weeks since starting NARP and this 30 days to empowered self and after getting to the end of all the questions I went back to question 1 and changed that to a ‘yes’ also as I realized it was just my lack of self belief, through faulty programming, that caused me to distrust myself !

    Exercise 4
    I smiled so much with these exercises and because it hasn’t been as much work it has given me some extra time to continue working on my independent mantras from last week ~ they are taking a long time but I want to give them 100% as they are so important to me so I don’t think I have fully given myself enough time yet to really absorb and digest all of this weeks exercises but they have made a huge impact to my self confidence and my belief in my personal integrity. Every day now I can actually ‘feel’ the progress that I am making in my body, the ex narc left the country on Tuesday and although I had periods of upset on that day, the following day I had a quick flash vision of me almost at the top of a massive mountain with very jagged edges all the way up and it was just like, almost out the corner of my eye, I saw the ex narc fall off the side of the cliff and that was that and ever since I can actually feel that he is actually leaving my body. I keep having these little moments of where I sort of go into an involuntary kind of little giggle and I just know that I am truly getting back in touch with my body, my feelings, ‘me’ and it is showing me that I truly am coming to the end of all the pain and struggle, I know I still have a little way to go but I truly do see that now as an incredibly positive thing, I am noticing other little changes in my thought patterns as well, such as, I am no longer thinking I am ‘too old’ for this or that ~ truly remarkable. Did I ever think I would get to this stage ~ well, I could never of answered that as I have never been at this stage so never really knew it existed until now, thank you so so much, you really have helped me reclaim my life, much love
    Karen

    1. Hi Karen,

      that is great that you answered ‘yes’ to these questions – and yes definetely these could have been already existing foundational beliefs, or because you have been working NARP the last few weeks you may have already shifted some of these from ‘no’ to ‘yes’as a result of doing healing on your Inner Identity with QFH.

      I am so thrilled for you that you are feeling the changes deep within you 🙂

      That is so beautiful that you are feeling the disconnection and opening up to you – and your true connection with yourself and Life ..

      Divine…

      Big Yay and HUGS!

      Mel xo

  18. Exercise One:

    How many of the 6 foundational beliefs did you answer “No” to? Did this surprise you?

    I answered ‘yes’ to the first two and the rest were ‘no’s. I wasn’t really surprised as I’ve been doing a lot of introspection and some of the things I’ve discovered that are issues for me have these as the foundation, so it makes sense. Also as I wrote down the ‘no’ answers my heart and mind immediately gave me some insight into the why’s, so that was nice to be that in-tune with myself.

    Exercise Two:

    When you felt into why you answered “No” to these beliefs, did you gain a much greater awareness of what was going on for you? What were these revelations?

    On being loved and accepted by others, I felt like I’m the giver, and if I don’t have that role, then I’m nothing. Upon exploring that further, using the pendulum again to make sure I was headed the right direction, I realized that I went without nurturing in my childhood, and resolved to do fine without it, along with developing the belief that needing something equates being weak, and if you’re weak, you get hurt, so don’t be weak, don’t need, and you’ll be fine.

    On deserving success, I uncovered beliefs that if I’m successful, then there is nothing to fix, and that’s a problem because I’m a fixer. Logically I know there is always something to fix, but it leaves me feeling without a job or purpose, and therefore not needed by others, which ties into fear of abandonment, plus a lack of self esteem that I am not good enough to be a master of anything.

    On deserving fulfillment, this was an interesting one. I discovered that my religious upbringing really did a number on me on this one. I pictured martyrs having found grace through suffering, and the belief that I must always have strife in order to have meaning and purpose in life and be considered a good person. Life is supposed to be hard for good people, and if you have a good life and things are easy for you, then you’re a bad person and you cheated somewhere along the way. Massive judgement issues here.

    On deserving the things I want to achieve in life, this one ties to the above, in that the only achievement on should want in life is to be a good person, so as long as my achievements are in the area of personal development, then that is fine, but if it’s anything else, it would detract from me being a good person. Also the belief that ‘you can’t have everything,’ especially when others need you to see to their needs. I am meant to have the support role to other’s achievements in life, and that is my only achievement I should see to. I can see where I got this, from my N mother. And I still struggle with this one.

    Exercise Three:

    In this Integrity Exercise how many points did you score as a “No”? I scored three ‘no’s, but even in this I can see my progress over the past few months.

    Has this helped you in understanding why being solid to yourself is important, and where you integrity has not been solid? Absolutely! This exercise has been wonderful. I second guess myself a ton, and thanks to the exercises above I now see my only job on this earth is to see to my desires. How freeing is that!!! I love that I can apply the question of ‘is this from a place of need/ego’ vs ‘is this my Soul wanting to share’ to my drives and inspirations as I move forward in my life trying to figure out how to make a living, attract money into my life, and find a purpose other than being wife and mother. This ties into relying on myself to see to my own needs, especially financially. I have never quite grown up in regards to money, and that is one of my needs. The other area where my integrity can use some shoring up is promoting and believing in myself, and while I do fine in my head, when it comes time to actually take inspired action, I chicken out and second guess, and round and round I go. And this one ties into the self-honesty and honoring my commitment to myself, and knowing that at some point I have to get out of ‘learning mode’ and out of my head and into inspired action to actually change my life on a bigger scale. I also know how to create that ‘gap’ to support myself in times of stress. And when I do slip up, it’s easier for me to get centered again and not get derailed for days like I used to do. The one thing that still trips me up is not feeling guilty when saying “no” and worrying about the effect of my “no” on others.

    Exercise Four:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now? It’s amazing how much I uncovered and faced and embraced head on, even when it was stuff I knew rested under the surface, I knew it was there, but I delayed working on it, acknowledging it just because it’s icky stuff. It feels much better having acknowledged the stuff and gotten it down on paper. I also love the pendulum, it seems to work much better for me, and I loved using it to explore an issue further after asking the first initial question. Thanks Mel, I can’t wait for next week. xoxo

    1. Thank you for your share Veronica, it’s funny because as I was reading what you had written I could relate exactly to just about everything you said and you articulated it so well and then I got worried that I was missing something in myself, that I wasn’t being honest with myself but then I realised that actually, yes, this is how I thought for years, for all of my life in fact but that no, this is no longer my reality and that is not because I am not being honest with myself but because I have made progress, I have put so much effort into working on myself recently with the NARP program and all the reading and writing and looking within so why wouldn’t I of made some progress??? I think though, its exactly like what you said, I know that at some point I have to get out of the ‘learning mode’ and out of my head and into inspired action but, in actual fact, I am actually putting what I am learning into action, some times without even realising it so what I think I need to do here, is actually give myself some credit and realise that this is actually what it is all about, getting rid of those old limiting beliefs and stepping into new, encouraging and empowering beliefs!!! Thank you Veronica, I got a lot from what you shared with us.
      Much love
      Karen

      1. Hi Karen,

        How wonderful that is no longer your reality!

        Truly another testament to how much work you have been putting in to yourself.

        Gorgeous stuff, and it really important for all of you to understand – we are NOW living in very powerful energetic times – they are exciting.

        There truly is nothing we cannot, be, do or have now if we lose painful beliefs and truly aligh with authentic Oneness – which is our healthy beliefs co-creating authentically and lovingly with our Soul and Life!

        Mel xo

      2. Hi Karen,

        I’m so glad my post helped you. I agree with you completely. It’s essential that we remember and recognize just how far we have come in our healing journey, and to celebrate it! Even when I slip up, I know I’m in a better place than yesterday, because each kernel of Truth that melds into my soul as I come across it, no matter how small, makes me stronger and more complete, so there is no reason for self-judgement; it really is all in Divine order, including these healing journeys of ours. Keep it up, you’re doing fantastic work here, and I’m so grateful for Mel and each one of you here sharing your stories and insights.

    2. Hi Veronica,

      It is amazing how when we start practicing more and more connecting to ourself and ‘feeling in’ – the insight (inner seeing) gets easier and easier.

      This is what happens when we keep flexing our introspective, inner intuition muscle…I am so pleased this is happening for you 🙂

      TRULY you are smacking you inner reasons right on the nail!!! Fantastic…brilliant stuff 🙂

      And the great thing is you know what to target and start healing now…

      I LOVE that you have uncovered, faced and embraced (maybe this should be a ‘quote’!!)- rather than turned away from the icky stuff!

      Already this previous stuff is losing so much of it’s power over you Vernonica!

      Keep it up sweetie – you should be very proud of you!

      Mel xo

  19. These questions and reflections are amazingly helpful. The NRP program is shifting my life and a lot is happening for me now, so much so that I have not been able to complete week 3, and I need to go back to week two as well! I juat wanted to check in and let you know that i have not dropped out- I just need to take it slooooow. THANK YOU!

  20. Hey Mel
    Exercise Four:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and re framing your integrity now?

    Oh how this narcissist has been relentless!! I got a new phone and indicated that i will no longer be available on my other phone line but because as you already mentioned “they do not follow rules or respect boundaries keeping them from their bounty” he been outrageous. He has pleaded needing my attention cause he is lonely, asking for taxi numbers saying he needs to go to ER.

    He is not cognizant of how he projects belittles and maims me and and here to testify that all the characteristics i have read on your website have protected me!! Thank you Melanie for that life time gift!!!!

    I feel deep changes within me as a result of having no contact, am able to grieve and release my unhealed parts. I HAVE MORE TIME FOR ME!!!! I still have ways to go, but i would not be alive i probably would have quit school and work out of the crippling pain….

    Thank you Melanie for the information and help. Its a life time gift that you have offered !!

  21. I feel frustrated with the muscle test as it wont work for me and I have tried on different days. I know it does work as others have done it on me in the past but the figure 8 fingers wont work for this exercise – they stay firm whatever my name is. Just cant work out where Im going wrong.
    I love the mantras – they are exactly what I would like to have written if I wasnt so dissociated from the pain of my childhood as to struggle with connecting to my feelings. I have drunk 2 cappucinos and eaten dont know how many biscotti while doing this – I know Im just trying to distract biut still do it.
    My problem is and has always been than I dont listen to my intuition or I think I can override it and force the situation to work out and it has caused me untold mega problems. I dont listen to my needs, either ignore or try to force my way through until Im exhausted from overwhelment.
    “Do you believe in your desires…” I had to stop and take note of the fact that I didnt know what my desires truly are and had to dig in and work that out – that’s when my mind shuts down and i start orally avoiding or floating off out the window or coming up with reasons to check Google – avoidance is really big so as to get away from the pain, not only of the pain but the emptiness. Its unreal to me, my levels of dissociation. When I had spiritual healing, the woman told me to not disappear out of my body and I slammed back and noticed that I do indeed disappear most of the time. Its been a good, maybe not good but effective coping mechanism. Reading too much has also been a way of disappearing and intermittent lousy relationships – looking for some illusion outside of myself.
    I expect failure in my life and the Universe has granted me that repeatedly. On the other hand, I know when I have adjusted my vibration to a different level of knowing from within it has always worked. However the failures mount up and I have hidden or run away – I am so good at running away from responsibility and pain and inability to manage my life.
    I understand I am being given a gift of healing the unhealed parts but its so fearful and what if I get it wrong. I have written so many affirmations over the last 25 years and I feel they are a little hollow – I need to truly be authentic within and take each affirmation really slowly.
    I was having Timeline therapy with a friend who needed to practice on clients and when she took me back I couldnt see anything. She kept asking “Are you there yet?” and I saw nothing but blackness and I was afraid. I wanted to tell her I was there to satisfy her but suddenly decided to be very authentic and told her no – all I could see was a black hole like space and then an explosion of emotion came out and later that day I felt really different. As though one more paper thin layer had been got through.
    Now I am going to focus on connecting to my intuition and deciphering what I want and what will serve my needs.
    With what I am currently facing I have to be very very connected to integrity and not fall into fear and avoidance. I have to stop thinking that self annihalation is the ultimate escape if I need to as that is just more running away. This is very very painful and I hate the fact that this has been my life but this is my chance to make it better and perhaps help others in the future so I will keep focussing on a small step forward each day.
    xx

    1. Hi TJ,

      have you tried the pendulum technique? This often works for people who struggle with the other methods.

      Yeah, the reason why you brain is trying to go into avoidance – is because there are certain ‘beliefs’ running that are trying to pull you away from working on you…so that these existing beliefs can stay in place.

      This can be very normal, and shows up for people who fall asleep or get pulled away to other distractions when trying to work on self. It is great that you are persisting and trying to push through this.

      It is great that you are feeling ‘avoidance’ is playing out…and know it is happening.

      The way to meet these ‘things’ is directly.

      “Okay avoidance…what are you about? WHY?’

      Truly big blocks while they still exist will make it virtaully impossible for you to get past them – they need to go in order for your ‘job’ of working on yourself to be able to have a clear space to operate…otherwise there is the continued ‘battle’…

      TJ I hope this has helped you…I truly believe you need to walk straight up to ‘the big dragons’ and face them (and have experienced personally, and time and time again with clients)…and when you do you will see they were only ‘beliefs’ that you can transform energetically – and then they will not have their power over you anymore…

      Mel xo

  22. Hi Mel,

    I resonate with what Veronica said above. Veronica said, “I went without nurturing in my childhood, and resolved to do fine without it, along with developing the belief that needing something equates being weak, and if you’re weak, you get hurt, so don’t be weak, don’t need, and you’ll be fine.”

    Being the fourth born in family of 5, it was hard for my mother to nurture and attend to my needs. I remember she was always frustrated. I still remember one time having a tummy ache and crying out for my mother who just gave me one glance and carried on with her duties… i was hurting…its amazing how i have carried that MEMEORy!!!!

    Also when i was growing up, my father worked away from the state we lived and when he did come home all attention was on him. Shortly after, i was sent to a BOARDING SCHOOL!!! No mother or father, just SURVIVAL!! As such i learned what i wanted was not important..OUTSIDE FORCES WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR My EXISTANCE I WAS NOT…Now i have to shift that ….any thoughts for me Melanie?

    1. Hi Rachel,

      it is great that you are realising the ‘reasons’..

      The answer my love, is the same for all of us that have not been a Solid Source To Self – work on yourself in order to become this – which is what you are doing…

      When you start being real with your own needs and can fulfil them and be vulnerable and real with yourself, you will have the ability to be vulnerable and real and truthful in relationships (real intimacy) – from a much less ‘needy’ place – because you will be self-fulfilled and much more whole.

      And you will attract someone else who is ‘real’.

      It all has to start with ‘self’.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  23. I just read an article that to quote says ”
    The dissociative, defensively organised personality structure typical of the ex-boarder, which I have named the ‘strategic survival personality’, is developed as a protective mantle, under duress, often in the very first moments of the child having to survive alone at boarding school.4 Over time it tends to crystallise into masochism, pathological rebellion or grandiosity – or a combination of all three – as well as intimacy avoidance.5 It is very hard to shed.”

    If this is the reason i developed tolerance to high levels of abuse what can i do to heal these damaged parts. I was in boarding school from ages 11 to 17 years!!

  24. I answered yes to all the questions. I was reading through some of the other posts and read where another person had also answered yes to all the questions, and then they related a past conversation regarding using drugs. I have had very similar experiences, and I’m starting to realize that at my core, I am and have been very strong and living my life with integrity. It was during my long marriage to a narcissist that I had to separate parts of myself in order to stay married, which I was raised to believe was my job. And frankly, my marriage looked a lot better than some others I saw at the time. What I couldn’t figure out is why I struggled so with depression when I had such a “great” life, husband, children, etc. I believe now it’s because I was not allowing myself to be wholly me. I am sometimes sad that I had a marriage that didn’t succeed like my parents, that my children have to deal with divorced parents, but I never regret being out of the relationship with the narcissist. And I know now I could never ever be in that type of relationship again – that’s encouraging to me as I used to worry about that and was concerned I would just repeat the pattern again and again.

    1. Hi Paula,

      that is great that you did answer “yes” to those questions.

      It is also imporant to understand that there was a reason why you were in a relationship with a narcissist, and it is important to keep working on self in order to clean that up – and become that true Source to yourself.

      It’s great that you realise now you were not being wholly ‘you’ – and that is your goal.

      Keep doing the work and you will be…

      Thank you for posting 🙂

      Mel xo

  25. Hi Mel , have done all the work your sending me and I’m now feeling a real shift of self confidence, my anxieties have been controllable and now starting to put everything together, your healing program is unreal and I have now got the power to stand up and make me the focus of my own happiness. Thank you and God Bless
    Jan

  26. I believed i deserve the first 3 and a no on the last 3, but i was not surprised. I always feel I dont deserve the best becuase I havent had the best. I feel like rewards come from Outside and if I could not achieve something, it’s because I was judged, and did not deserve it. In asking myself why I dont deserve success, or love, etc. I just come up with the feeling that Im unworthy. period. No real reason, I think the answer is obvious – if I deserved it i would have it. I am confused on this point, definitely. I also feel I dont know how to achieve what I want, it sometimes feels like the Universe is blocking me from what i want and that it has judged me undeserving. Therefore, I shall not have it. Truthfully, I cannot get my head around deservedness. Isnt this the same as self-esteem? I think I dont like myself enough or trust my own judgment enough to say I deserve anything. Well, yes, I deserve to live. Why? Because I am alive, if I didnt deserve to live, I would be dead by now. I just feel that deservedness comes from Outside, it’s like there is a God in the Sky who decides who deserves and who doesnt. I’m sorry. I know this is very unspiritual and a negative belief that is holding me back. I havent had an ounce of self acceptance until very recently. You get what you deserve. Then I deserve a pathetic relationship with a madman. Now I am out of that, I must deserve something better now because I have found a spiritual path to follow that I’ve actually made some progress on. Who decided that I deserved the crap and who decided that I deserved to find a way out? Myself? The greatest discovery I made this week was that I must FACE THE TRUTH. I have run from painful truth and dodged it and tried to stay ahead of it and now that I’ve run into it like a brick wall and can no longer make excuses for ex-n, I hope to make progress again. It hurt really bad to realize my xbf is truly narcissistic, ergo – unsaveable. I’m really sorry, Melanie, I think I’m not ready for deservedness practice but I am goint to store this away and try again when i have more healing under my belt.

    1. Hi Cindy,

      yes it is really ‘normal’ in a human context to beleive that life is created ‘from the outside in’…

      Okay you need to go deeper within for ‘your reasons’ – because these truly are the reasons creating your life. ‘Life’ feels about you identically to how ‘you feel about you’.

      If you feel into this ‘unworthiness’ – WHY do you feel unworthy? The answers you have been getting so far are logical – it isn’t until we feel into the pain of feeling ‘unworthy’ and whilst feeling the pain of unworthiness and ask ‘what is this about?’ that we can get our Inner Identity reasons. This is what you need to do.

      Yes, sweetie you must face the truth in order to change your patterns – we all need to do this.

      Cindy have you been working NARP? This is the brick wall that a few people have hit, because they have not as yet processed through with the inner shifts in NARP to get past the abuse…and to be healed beyond it.

      This is a vital foundational step in order to truly claim the gift of ourself – if we haven’t been able to reconcile and heal the narc abuse yet.

      Mel xo

  27. Thank you, Melanie. I will do that. Yes, I have NARP and i have experienced so much relief with it in the last few months. I think that the initial relief lulled me into thinking i was almost “there” but truly i do have much more to go through and to dig deep and pull out those weeds as you say. I will continue working with the modules. And this 30 day program has also taught me a lot that i’ve retained and put into practice. Boundaries next – yay! When i’m stronger, i believe deservedness will come. Thank you very much for all your help!

  28. Hi Cindy,

    you are very welcome …

    It can be a trap if QFH grants fast relief – to think we are ‘done’…but if we really observe our life, and listen to how we ‘feel’ we know we are not 🙂

    That’s great that you are going to continue with the Modules, and you are going to dig deep!

    If you get really unconditionally ‘real’ with yourself – absolutely true self-acceptance and deservedness will come – authentically!

    Keep up the great inner work Cindy:)

    Mel xo

  29. Hi Mel,

    Thank you for your advice re my response to ex 2. It has been on my mind for days. I have been avoiding self worth for years and now it is at the forefront of my mind and will not go away!!! However I can see it for what it is and have had a kinesiology balance around it which has shifted lots for me. Also the love and accept self issue, well I have totally identified the exact issue and time and place of the beginning of that one and it was so obvious yet so hidden from me. Until now. Already I am standing up with better boundaries as a result. OK Ex 3 well I scored a NO to four of the questions. Yes I do realise why being solid with myself is so important. I have come such a long way from being narc abused that I thought I already was solid with myself. Well I have certainly seen where my integrity has not been solid and I particularly like your method for determining whether our desires are coming from an authentic place by asking ” will this make me feel better, or more whole?” That simple statement has helped enormously. XXJane

    1. Hi Jane,

      you are so welcome.

      I am so glad that self-love, self-acceptance and creating inner integrity are lovely goals for you now, with the tools to create this ‘inner solidness’..

      You are doing a wonderful job Jane – keep it up!

      Yes, truly it is a powerful statement to be able to check in with what our intention is!

      Mel xo

  30. Ex 4 how I feel after working on and reframing my integrity. I feel that I don’t need to be a support for other people, try to please them and be taken advantage of. I can give myself space to deal with stress, overwhelm or emotional upheaval and not feel guilty. I can take time out without guilt. I will speak kindly to myself and check in with my emotions instead of ignoring them. XXJane

  31. Exercise #1: I clearly answered “No” to “I deserve to be loved and accepted by others” and clearly answered “Yes” to “I deserve to live”. For the remaining four statements I received mixed answers. I felt surprised because I expected to clearly answer “No” to more foundational beliefs.

    Exercise #2: When I felt into why I answered “No” to the belief that I don’t deserve to be loved and accepted by others, I gained a much greater awareness of having grown up feeling unimportant. As a young child I felt I couldn’t choose or ask for things. I remember the ladies at school telling my mother that I had dirty ears and that my fringe was too long and got in my eyes. As a teenager I became more rebellious as a way to receive my parents’ attention. I felt unattractive because I had a big nose (which unfortunately I had operated on when I was 18).

    Exercise #3: I scored 4 points as a “No”. This has helped me understand that being solid to myself is important to establish self-confidence and self-belief, inner integrity and deservedness. I discovered that I need to second guess myself less, stop waiting for someone else to look after my needs, support myself more lovingly, and be brave enough to set boundaries when I need to say “No”.

    Exercise #4: As a result of working on and reframing my integrity, now I feel empowered and more confident in life’s possibilities. My happiness also counts and my purpose in life is not to be a victim and sacrifice myself for others. I am as important as anyone else and it is possible to develop positive ways of inter-dependence. I know that I deserve to listen and fulfill my desires and that this will not negatively affect others. Even though I sometimes feel strong and as though I can stand most difficulties, I want to contribute more happily to life and others through my own happiness. I now believe in expanding what I feel within. And if negative energies turn up in my path I will try to accept and not change them, and then move on to better energies, which I am worthy of.

    1. Hi P,

      We certainly can have conflicting ‘splintered’ beliefs, where there are parts of us that do beleive ‘yes’ and other parts that believe ‘no’ to a certain belief…Assuming that is what you meant by ‘mixed answers’…

      (or you may not have meant this… :))

      Wonderful in exercise 2 you were getting to the bottom of this – fabulous!

      That is great that Exercise 3 allowed you to understand what is really vital to become a solid source to yourself.

      Fantastic you know what you need to work on!

      I am so happy that you feel more empowered and confident now…I LOVE what you have written – because you are really ‘feeling’ this and aligning with it – which is what always preceeds it becoming authentic in your life..

      You REALLY are connecting – well done 🙂

      Mel xo

  32. Exercise One:

    I answered ‘no’ to 5 out of the 6 fundamental beliefs and it really shocked me to see how self sabotaging my inner self beliefs are. I always thought I wanted the things on the list but then going deeper inside, I realized that wow, I don’t believe I deserve these things that I have always thought I wanted. It was quite amazing and a revelation to me.

    Exercise Two:
    Yes, it was really interesting for me to find out that the reason why I believe I don’t deserve success is because I am afraid of failure. I am afraid to change the status quo and take a risk to attain a higher goal. I was also reminded that I don’t believe that I am talented or smart or pretty enough to achieve what I want in life, although on the surface I appear confident. It was shocking how much I had been relying on outside validation for my beliefs and that of course came from my childhood of not receiving the support and encouragement that I am a worthy person that deserves good things. Also, I realized that my parents have passed on their feelings of unworthiness to me.

    Exercise Three:

    I answered ‘no’ to all the points here and again it was kind of a surprise discovery to find out how many times I have let myself down. How many times I have put my needs aside in order to help or please others and left myself unhappy and frustrated. How many times I haven’t been truthful with myself. I do realize that being solid with myself is the only way to be in order to achieve balance, peace and of course my dreams and goals in the long run

    Exercise Four:

    I feel so much better after reading the mantras and then writing out the commitments to myself. I feel stronger and more centered already. I feel more in tune with my intuition and I am listening to it as the source of my truth rather than relying on outside sources. I am also becoming firmer in setting my personal boundaries and saying ‘no’ when something doesn’t feel right.
    Thsnk you, Melanie for another amazing breakthrough weer!

    1. Hi Andara,

      it is great that you have had this revelation – because NOW you can become the changes you seek 🙂

      Wow – fantastic awarenesses in Exercise 2…totally on the right track 🙂

      I second this for Exercise 3 – fantastic…

      With Exercise 4 because you had already started ‘integrating’ these previous disowned parts – which you had done – this did lay the path for you to re-create your truth on these topics…so that is wonderful you could feel so much more solid inside as a result of reframing…

      Fantastic! – you are doing so well with this Andara!

      Mel xo

  33. exercise 4,
    Having reframed my integrity using the exercises has made me more aware of where I have been standing in my own way. I feel more gratitude for the people in my life helping me to get out of my own way .I feel like I need a better link between my heart and mind because I know I have come along way in healing and forgiving , but my mind trips me up into getting caught up in things mentally when they are healed.I think it would help writing out I am healed over and over again until my mind gets it and stops doubting that evrything is in order.I need a new pattern for my mind to follow , new neural pathways that lead to a rich and fruitful life.

  34. Exercise One:

    How many of the 6 foundational beliefs did you answer “No” to? Did this surprise you?

    Yes just 2! I thought when I first glazed at them I would be up for more but I felt and looked into them all and definately realised Im internally more determined than I thought.

    Exercise Two:

    When you felt into why you answered “No” to these beliefs, did you gain a much greater awareness of what was going on for you? What were these revelations?

    The ones I got stuck on were 1 love and accept myself and 2loved and accepted by others but writing about them helped and I can see a positive growth from this exercise.
    They reflect on the overthinking about what others think and are doing etc.. I can see that.

    Exercise Three:

    In this Integrity Exercise how many points did you score as a “No”? Has this helped you in understanding why being solid to yourself is important, and where you integrity has not been solid?

    Yes I can see why I have been outsourcing so much love – which is a good thing, Im at a point where I can grant this myself but slip back into seeking it but its good to be able to catch myself out and get back on track – not easy but definately doable!! :}

    Exercise Four:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

    The final week of the 30 Days To Empowered Self will be focusing on exclusively on boundaries.

    1. Hi C,

      that was a nice suprise, and truly a testament that you have been doing work on yourself…

      It’s great that you have realised that ‘being loved’ is an inner job and not dictated by what others are thinking and / or doing. Great that you are bringing the power back to where it needs to be, which is within you.

      Great the Integrity Exerise has affirmed for you what you need to do!

      Mel xo

  35. Exercise Four:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

    Good, as I was writing it, it was feeling like a natural flow and I felt like “hell yes I can do this” and I do.

  36. Exercise One:

    How many of the 6 foundational beliefs did you answer “No” to? Did this surprise you?

    None by method 1..yes as I thought I’ d have some no’s but thinking about them, and after all my reading and introspection, .I would agree that I believe I am deserving of these things

    Exercise Two:

    When you felt into why you answered “No” to these beliefs, did you gain a much greater awareness of what was going on for you? What were these revelations?

    I believe I deserve these things and work towards them but do not always know how to ” get there”

    Exercise Three:

    In this Integrity Exercise how many points did you score as a “No”? Has this helped you in understanding why being solid to yourself is important, and where you integrity has not been solid?

    I do think the areas I need to work on are knowing what I want…what is authentic to me. I question my decisions as a result of being raised on an environment where I was told that I did not want what I did or what I wanted was ” wrong “. Also, the saying “no” more. I have improved on this a lot but still have times where I regret a yes and knew it should have been a no.

    Exercise Four:

    How do you feel as a result of working on and reframing your integrity now?

    I always feel improved after your excercises 😉

    Looking fwd to boundaries!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *