[breadcrumb]

I can say without doubt in my own recovery, and through helping thousands of other people recover, that narcissistic abuse has been reported to me over and over again as the most difficult thing you can possibly go through.

If you are just beginning your recovery, or if you are struggling with the ongoing agony of abuse, you may be feeling many painful emotions including the helplessness of feeling unresolved, stuck, and obsessed about what happened.

You may still be hooked and terrified about letting go, trying every which way you can to fix the relationship and make it work, regardless of the damage that is increasing and intensifying. You may feel like its too late, you’ve lost too much, you’re too old, or you’re in no state to rebuild your life.

Maybe you have got out and stayed out of the relationship, but you have no idea how you could ever trust another person again – and you may be terrified about trusting your own judgment even more so.

You may have tried therapy and extensive research about narcissism – what they do and why they do it, and learnt all you can about the effects of narcissistic abuse and the trauma symptoms that narcissistic abuse creates.

However you may feel that your trauma symptoms are not reducing, you still don’t feel safe, empowered or whole in life – and many if not most days are consumed with trying to manage the emotional devastation that seems to be the unfortunate and unavoidable legacy of what happened to you.

You may have felt hopeful after experiencing short term relief, yet find solutions are usually short lived. Maybe you are in constant battle with the addiction and trying to stay away from the abuser  – and wondering why on earth you keep going back to the thoughts of pain, longing, regret and loss – even though you know you are an intelligent person and logically this person is NO good for you.

There is a very good reason why the struggle remains, and it’s something I first learned when undergoing my recovery back in 2007. This truth today, since working with thousands of people, has been proven and confirmed over and over again.

The truth is this…

Trying to recover from narcissistic abuse through the logical mind doesn’t work

Narcissistic abuse is such a horrifying and damaging experience that it affects every part of your being. Your emotions, belief systems and Inner Identity become shattered.

The logical mind operates on a completely different frequency, which means it has no ability to impact any change at this level.

In order to Thrive, and not just survive after narcissistic abuse, requires a healing process that is capable of addressing what you have gone through at a deeper level.

The ‘treatment’ needs to take place where the trauma is actually stored – in your subconscious.

The Thriver Model is about addressing the problem at the root cause within the subconscious, whereas the old model is about trying to solve the problem by only addressing the symptoms through the logical mind.

As you might have heard in my Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse series – people who previously tried everything to recover weren’t getting well, yet when they learned how to identify and address the issue at the root cause, by accessing the subconscious mind, results came powerfully and quickly.

My greatest wish is that you learn how to Thrive after narcissistic abuse, like so many people have already done in this community.

And that’s why over the next two weeks I am going to be doing something I’ve never done before.

I’m going to talk to you about exactly how the Thriver Recovery Model works and how to treat the root cause of your symptoms directly with the tool Quanta Freedom Healing.

I’m going to explain exactly how Quanta Freedom Healing works, how it healed and released me from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, and how it led me to creating the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program that has now created Thriver Recoveries for thousands of people from over 50 countries worldwide.

And then I’m going to invite you to a free live event where you will learn exactly how to become a Thriver after narcissistic abuse. During this event you will be able to experience Quanta Freedom Healing with me in person live.

 

Commonalities, Support and Solutions

I know that one of the most astounding things I realised, when I went public and people started connecting with me, is how we all have almost identical stories.

I know how much of a relief that was for me – as I am sure it is for you. The knowing that YES this insane behaviour is happening, that there is a name for it, and NO you are not simply delusional and imagining it!

I am so thrilled that we have a community here, one that is supportive, empowering and healing – and most of all one that DOES provide real solutions.

Real solutions are desperately needed, because commonly in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, we are suffering with intense Complicated / Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms and anxiety, fear of ‘being in life’, depression, constant triggering and obsessional thoughts, and the huge despair of the losses that narcissistic abuse generated in our life.

Not surprisingly it is VERY hard to simply dust oneself off, get up, be happy and make life work again. This is what shocked so many of us – because maybe we had always been able to do that previously.

But this time, as a result of being narcissistically abused, we couldn’t just ‘carry on’.

This time was different…

 

My Personal Mission

Since creating my own recovery, and being involved for the last 7 years with helping many people world-wide recover from narcissistic abuse, I have become very passionate and clear about what my intention and mission is.

My mission is to save lives literally and emotionally.

I am extremely dedicated towards people NOT living diminished lives as a result of being narcissistically abused – where they are left with the pain of managing ongoing symptoms that may never go away, and often don’t heal over time.

I have seen this contemporary ongoing struggle so many times, and I was told that information myself – that the best I could ever expect after the severity of my breakdown would be to ‘function again’ with the use of necessary anti-psychotic drugs.

Words cannot express how vehemently I am determined to debunk the contemporary model – and HOW my processes are already proving that this is NOT the reality we have to accept as a result of being abused.

I believe that a true recovery is not ‘management of symptoms’ and merely ‘surviving’. True healing is when we can directly address the core wounds (instead of just treating the surface symptoms), and then evolve ourselves from the inside out to a much greater, empowered, free and healed version than we ever were, even before being narcissistically abused.

Yes, absolutely get the support, and treatment you may need to help you…and I fully support this. However, unless we get to the underneath and true reasons as to why we were a victim of abuse, and heal the fears and traumas that we have accumulated all our life – we remain a prisoner to our wounds.

If we don’t heal these core traumas, we painfully and powerlessly barley exist whilst holding other people responsible.

This means we don’t take a stand for True Recovery which is: regardless of what happened, or by whom, the only way we have any true power is to realise these are our wounds and we DO have the power to transform them.

That is what the Thriver Model is all about.

I am so thrilled that within this community so many people have become Thrivers – who are glowing in their lives, in ways they never had previously, as a result of doing the inner processes to release core wounds, up-level and transform their life.

 

Trying to Solve The Pain Logically Versus Emotionally and Why Your Emotions Win Out Every Time

It’s important to understand the difference between ‘informational healing’ and ‘transformational healing’.

‘Informational healing’ means receiving an ‘idea’ regarding how to change.

The difficulty and long path of ‘informational healing’ is it is an attempt to create a new life direction without addressing deep subconscious wounding.

You may have heard the expression “It just doesn’t sink in”.

That expression is the exact truth. The information you are receiving at the cognitive mind level does not have the ability to communicate with your subconscious, where almost all of our patterns are playing out. It is the energy of e-motion (energy in motion) that creates our thought patterns, fear and associated behaviour.

Additionally, even if it could, there is so much pain and fear in the subconscious blocking where this new ‘idea’ needs to penetrate and be embodied, there is simply no ‘space’ for the new and healthier information to enter and take hold.

Informational healing can work for aspects of our life that are not crucial issues for us, as there is very little subconscious fear, pain and resistance (e-motion) inside us attached to those particular topics.

Informational healing is mostly ineffective for profound emotional wounding, which of course is what being abused creates.

This is why, generally speaking, it doesn’t matter what you read, or what therapists you see, or how much good advice you receive, you simply can’t let go of the pain and escape your victimised thoughts and feelings, and associated powerlessness and traumatised actions or non-actions.

As a result, your symptoms of trauma don’t heal.

“You can’t drive a Ferrari in the garage on top of the old wreck blocking the way”, and Debbie Ford’s expression “You can’t put ice-cream on top of poop”, relate exactly to the futility of trying to bring in new information on top of the old that is still stuck there.

Your wounding originally took hold in your subconscious. That is where the emotional wounding is held and trapped, and within your subconscious is where your ongoing trauma and symptoms are being generated.

One of the most simple and profound realisations is this: when we have unresolved trauma it is trapped in our bodies. It then has ‘a life of its own’. What this means is we have internalised the abuser, and the abusive acts and we remain bonded to them, and we will continue re-living and re-creating that abuse over and over again.

Our unconscious traumas will come to consciousness. If we don’t go inwards to them ourselves, they appear to us – outside of us – via events and people in life. And we hook into this mentally, emotionally and often literally. We continue putting ourselves in abusive situations, or at the very least we continue re-traumatising ourselves with ongoing obsessional thoughts of abuse, powerlessness and victimhood.

We may feel totally helpless to stop doing this.

That’s why this trauma has to be accessed and released at a much deeper level than cognitive thinking, which is only mere ‘information’.

Our emotional wounds can be likened to a physical wound. Imagine the wound being painful, and you understand that until the wound is healed the pain won’t stop. The more the wound is ignored and left untreated, the further it festers and spreads, and the pain continues.

Talking about physical wounds doesn’t heal them. Nor does it heal emotional wounds.

Our untreated emotional wounds fester and permeate our entire life, and just like a physical wound, if emotional wounding is tended to directly, it can be addressed and healed.

That is the power we all have when we know how to access and work with our subconscious. The incredibly disappointing thing is we were not educated to know that working with our subconscious is essential.

Interestingly the process is incredibly simple, and far less complicated than trying to resolve emotional issues with our mind.

Our mind actually has no ability to resolve our intense emotional issues, hence why it gets so confused and completely over-complicates and perpetuates traumatised emotions.

Say these statements and realise how disconnected and ridiculous they are – “I think devastated”, “I think violated”, “I think abandoned”.

Instead of fruitlessly trying to think your way out of emotional pain, you can use an effective process that addresses, shifts and transforms your emotional wounding at a subconscious level. Then no longer are you trying to change yourself whilst remaining trapped in emotional agony.

And no longer will your Inner Identity remain blocked off from receiving vital new information.

Precisely the vital information you require in order to get well.

 

How Traditional Therapy Manages Symptoms Whereas The Thriver Model Addresses The Root Cause

There is a revolutionary movement now taking place in regard to how we face and heal issues in our life.

It’s a shift that our world desperately requires on a micro (personal) and macro (world) level, if we want to stop the cycles of abuse devastating lives, and the continuation of painful victimhood and abuse / abused (all as a result of inner wounding) being passed down from generation to generation.

This ‘how to heal’ shift is growing in exposure, and is creating such widespread and powerful results many people no longer think of it as ‘fluffy’, ‘new agey’ or ‘weird’.

There are many other healers apart from myself who do realise the direct path to healing, and there are many therapists who now access the body’s emotions and reach the subconscious in order to create shifts and results which are astounding in comparison to traditional talk therapy.

I receive regular endorsements and referrals from medical professionals, health services, social workers, abuse services, psychologists and counsellors who openly express my Quanta Freedom Healing process works, and creates abuse recoveries that the ‘old system’ just can’t produce. Many of these therapists and health service individuals now use Quanta Freedom Healing to up-level their own lives.

The reason the old system doesn’t work for people suffering intense abuse trauma is because traditional therapy is an attempt to manage the symptoms without addressing the root emotional cause.

This includes logical strategies or medication to minimalize the pain and hopefully function in life, without actually finding and transforming the actual emotional wounding.

This leaves people with the struggle of trying to manage unresolved wounding that just doesn’t go away. Over time, and when more trauma accumulates (which is probable when inner wounds are disowned), emotional pain compounds and gets worse.

I firmly believe the only way to change deep unconscious wounding (the core of the trauma) is by using a system that can directly reach into the subconscious, find the wound and then release it from where it is stored. This requires taking awareness away from the mind, and into the emotions and energy in the body, and using a language that the subconscious understands.

Talk therapy is beta brainwave, it is not deep inner body recognition and accessing, which is theta brainwave. Beta brainwave seeks outwards away from the wound. Theta brainwave seeks inwards towards the wound.

Using talk therapy to address profound inner emotional trauma is like trying to access a specific radio program and having your dial on a completely different frequency.

The larger the wound and associated trauma, the faster the brainwaves (beta frequency), which takes an individual further away from finding and healing the wound. This is the state of blaming, victimisation, holding others responsible, feeling powerless and aggrieved and perpetuating panic, fear and trauma.

It is only when we train ourselves to turn inwards, slow our brainwaves down, let go of the mind ‘stories’ and feel inwards that we can go directly into the wound. This is the state of establishing self-love and self-acceptance, and connecting to our ability to generate inner solidness, inner wisdom and inner empowerment.

 

The Quanta Freedom Healing Story

The beginning of my profound healing journey began some years ago when I had a complete suicidal and psychotic break down. Some hours after this complete melt-down of my psyche I surrendered completely to a higher power… I had run out of options, and I didn’t know what else to do.

In that split moment, I had the mind-blowing epiphany that the only way to heal was from the inside out. 

This was pretty astounding for me. Because truly I blamed him for everything. I thought I was merely a pure victim of his carnage – an unfortunate statistic of a sociopath. I had also believed I could find a way to fix his mental disorder, and if I didn’t that my life would be destroyed.

Up until that point I had spent years agonizing over what he was doing, what he was saying and trying to seek my answers through trying to change him, while completely avoiding my own wounds that were screaming out at me.

In this intensely profound spiritual awakening I instantly understood that the narcissist in my life was not the saviour of my wounds – he was in fact the messenger of my already existing wounds.

At that time I didn’t have transformational healing tools – I had only received the profound awareness about what was really going on.

I pulled away from the narcissist, somehow talked my way out of needing anti-psychotic medication, achieved strict No Contact and firmly focused my attention every day on healing myself.

I was already a holistic healer, and I started coaching others who had been narcissistically abused. Even though I could grant these people awareness and answers as to ‘why this had happened’, I discovered six months later, we were still going over the same pain and fear again and again, with little or no real progress.

The weekly sessions were more of a ‘crutch’ and a ‘dependency’, and these individuals were not free or empowered in their own lives without these sessions. I didn’t want ongoing sessions with these people. I didn’t want them to need me – I wanted them to be well enough to not need me.

My personal healing quest continued. I strove to be free from the wounds I was carrying, and I was constantly trying different healing modalities, as well as contemporary therapy, and continually striving to up-level my own abuse symptoms. Whilst doing so I was passionate about sharing any real discoveries with others.

On this quest I discovered huge personal breakthroughs with both theta healing and kinesiology. These were modalities that worked directly on the subconscious. As soon as I accessed these modalities I could feel real healing taking place, at a level I hadn’t felt before.

I was so impressed by the results I began training diligently in both these healing modalities, and was thrilled to be able to completely eradicate my Complicated – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms with them. This occurred because I was able to find and release my causation inner wounding of these nervous system disorders.

Previously, I had been told by contemporary health specialists, and numerous counsellors and psychologists as well as recovery abuse forums, that I would have C-PTSD for life.

Yet, with the use of these tools, it took only two months for my symptoms to completely disappear.

However my agoraphobic condition had not been healed and I still had a deep-seated fear of being in open spaces or public places, which I had to constantly manage with different affirmation techniques, but could never actually heal it.

It was crippling, but I didn’t give up hope. I was confident if I continued searching I could find the answer.

I started working with clients with kinesiology and theta healing, who also received real accelerated healing results, yet some had severe wounding, like mine, which was still resistant even with the use of these modalities.

After a few months with clients who wanted to just ‘talk’ and didn’t want kinesiology or theta healing, I refused to continue coaching sessions. My heart wasn’t in them anymore, because I knew it wasn’t healing them – it was only providing ‘support’. It didn’t feel right when I saw accelerated healing with every client at an unprecedented rate when kinesiology or theta healing was applied.

I never again believed ‘talk therapy’ could create any real healing for traumatic abuse – because it didn’t.

I didn’t realise that my life was going to change forever as a result of feeling inspired to combine three healing modalities into one.

How this happened is: I had been invited to meet a girlfriend in Thailand. Travelling overseas alone, with agoraphobia, was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I literally collapsed into her arms at the other end, and soon within the confines of the hotal perimeter I felt happy and safe again, yet I was terrified about leaving the hotel perimeter.

I wanted to be ‘normal’. I wanted to ‘live’. I wanted to experience Koh Sumui.

So one quiet afternoon in my hotel room I set the very firm intention that I was going to access the solution to heal myself.

I relaxed, I opened my body, my heart and my mind…

Then the channelling of how to combine three modalities occurred, and I took notes as if taking dictation from a much greater and more knowledgeable Source than myself.

I recorded the process, and it felt so right. Then I applied this process by reaching deeply inside myself, identifying, claiming, releasing and transforming all the stuck emotional wounds that were the very reason I was horrifically agoraphobic.

The weird thing was: I felt like I had been practicing this process my entire life.

Two hours later I was playing in life – more than I had ever done – EVER. I was out in a crowded market street in Koh Sumui felt connected to everything as Oneness and love without any fear.

During the hotel room session on myself I had received the deep and absolute knowing that I had always been agoraphobic – all my life – it was just the narcissistic abuse had brought it up in such an intensified form there was no avoiding this truth anymore.

Now I just did NOT have agoraphobia.

And it never came back.

After this Quanta Freedom Healing breakthrough occurred, I was finally able to let go of other inner wounds at an incredible rate, and replace them with a beingness that far surpassed my greatest expectations.

I was literally able to evolve myself from the ‘fearful’ areas of my life into what I call my “True Self Function”. This was more than just letting go of wounds. I was tapping into what I now know as the ‘Super Conscious’, or in other words Source / Life / God, a higher infinite intelligence that had unlimited potential to not only heal me, but also ‘expand’ me into understandings, potential and emotional freedom that far exceeded my previous ‘normal identity’.

For the first time ever, I knew what it was to have real joy, and a real love for myself that was not reliant on conditions. I literally knew what it was like to be in life feeling whole.

I had never experienced those feelings before, even way before being narcissistically abused.

In fact, I had never known such a level of existence was even possible.

When I started using Quanta Freedom Healing in sessions with clients, I discovered these people were detaching from narcissists, breaking free emotionally, mentally and physically, and then they were reaching for breakthrough healings for other areas of their life where they had always felt stuck or limited.

These clients became excited about creating their lives from the inside out, and loved experiencing the miracles that life was rapidly reflecting back to them. ALL areas of their life targeted with Quanta Freedom Healing were improving rapidly.

Strikingly these individuals were also experiencing the organic emergence of profound insights, peace and wholeness as a result of connecting to their Higher Power. Like myself, this was information and states not necessarily learned – rather a beingness that simply unfolded from within.

This was in dire contrast to the previous ‘talk’ therapy clients who typically six months later still couldn’t let go of the ongoing addictive and obsessional thoughts and feelings about ‘what he / she had done’ – issues that were clearly stuck in repeat.

I learnt very quickly that if clients wanted to take up time in sessions talking about traumatic issues, this was a complete waste of session time (as well as our energy resources) going over and over the issue with little or no resolution.

So instead I would step in, stop the conversation, and lead them into the Quanta Freedom Healing process to locate, release and shift the related trapped painful emotions and beliefs somatically.

The results were always the same – we would try to go back to ‘the issue’ and the consensus was “What issue? I can’t find it now!”

Then we could work through the next issue and the next and the next, without getting stuck, and my client was continually up-levelling, expanding and moving forward.

I know 100% that many big issues could take decades (if ever) to resolve, yet with this system they can be cleared away in minutes.

In fact, I know simply ‘talking about it’ would never have located the real inner wound in the first place.

The implementation of Quanta Freedom Healing in my work has not only allowed me to emotionally and personally expand, evolve and grow to levels that I never knew existed, it is the exact reason why so many people in this Community are not simply mere survivors of narcissistic abuse.

In stark contrast they are Thriving.

I know what it is like to merely survive. I was a ‘survivor’ for years, which means the daily struggle of managing ongoing symptoms. This is why I am so incredibly passionate about throwing that old ‘survivor’ label away.

Yes it is a stage – but it is not the real ‘goal’.

I believe we deserve and can reach for so much more than mere and painful survival.

If you have ‘escaped’ and you are ‘breathing’ you have ‘survived’. Is that enough to generate and enjoy a fulfilled life at every level of your being?

No, no, noooo!

I know without any doubt that I was meant to (for a higher reason) go through this life and death journey and discover this healing process.

Because I would never have been where I am today if I hadn’t.

And I would not be living the most incredible life that I do now.

This is what I want for everyone who has been through the devastation of abuse.

 

The 3 Keys To Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Webinar

I am so inspired that we now have the capacity to share an effective way to Thrive after narcissistic abuse on a much greater scale.

Myself and the MTE team have been working hard for the past few months to provide you with a free event, that we are hosting on melanietoniaevans.com, so that you can learn exactly how to become a Thriver after narcissistic abuse with the use of Quanta Freedom Healing.

This webinar is specifically for people who have not tried Quanta Freedom Healing and who are not on the NARP Program. There is a limit to how many people we can host in the event, so please allow these spaces for those who need it the most.

In next week’s article I am going to explain how Quanta Freedom Healing works, how it makes recovery so much easier, and why it is so much more effective than the old healing model.

And I’m going to release the date for the event and all the details on how to join. So please stay tuned!

If you are a current member of the NARP Program, and have embraced Thriver Recovery, please share this article and the proceeding article with any individual or communities that can benefit from moving past being a mere survivor, so we can spread the vital education – that it is possible to break free and THRIVE after narcissistic abuse.

By doing so you will be doing a great service to help people all around the world recover from this horrific phenomenon.

If you have any questions about this article or the upcoming webinar please leave them in the comments below, and I look forward to responding!

Registration for the Free Webinar 3 Keys To Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse is now open.

Please go here to reserve your spot.

Join My FREE 16-Day Recovery Course to Begin
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Related blog post

Thriver Talks Special: Healing Financial Prosperity After Abuse

Read More

Repetitive Compulsion Disorder and Abuse

Read More

Commments (103) + Leave a comments

103 thoughts on “How To Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse Part 1

  1. I absolutely highly highly highly recommend this webinar to anyone who is stuck in the narc cycle at any stage – whether you are still in the relationship looking for answers, if you know that the narcissist is bad news and you are trying to find the strength to leave, are struggling with no contact, or have gone through the unbearable pain of discard. As a narc abuse THRIVER, I literally owe Mel and QFH my life.

    After my first QFH I immediately felt so much better than I had in YEARS, and did not hesitate to purchase the program. As someone who was completely obsessed with my narc relationship, I was at rock bottom, suicidal at times, and desperate for something – anything, to make me feel whole again. I was literally an empty shell with nothing inside.

    QFH and the Narp program turned my life around completely, a year and a half later, I am whole, I am happy, I am in love with life, I am married to a man who is everything I could ever want in someone, and I have found the inner strength to do things i never thought that I would be able to do – including losing 40lbs and becoming more fit and healthy on the outside.

    I would recommend giving this a shot to anyone who would listen. The results are phenomenal and I promise you, it really, really works.

    Look up my THRIVER story on Mel’s blog, listen to our radio show, and hear for yourself. If I can do this, you can. I promise you.

    Love and light xo

    1. Hi Jessica,

      thank you for your beautiful recommendation!

      It is so lovely seeing the blossoming, glowing angel you have become, and your happy life with your sweetheart!

      Bless 🙂

      Mel xo

  2. I need this. I need this so bad.my trust is shattered so how can I currently trust a program that say it will Sheila what I’ve been struggling with for months or even years… in just minutes.but at the same time my gut tells me this maybe my saving grace. left mine are almost a year ago. But I still feel like I just came to surface to breathe. I’m not living, I’m just surviving. I want to be myself. I want to find myself.

    1. Hi Marcy,

      it is so true that our trust is shattered. I totally understand.

      What I wrote about ‘in minutes’ is relating to a particular belief that has held us back and in pain. The truth is when we are shattered, we have many painful beliefs and traumas we need to work diligently on in order to release them – one at a time.

      When we start this journey ‘from the inside out’ – it takes dedication, and we have to have ‘had enough’ to really want it – to become a solid commitment to ourselves, and at the beginning that can be tough – and we simply start by doing what ‘someone who loves themselves would do’, which is dedicate our energy to making ourselves the highest priority.

      As we release and release the layers of pain, then we start glowing and emerging from the inside.

      I’d love to help you find you and ‘real life’.

      Mel xo

    2. Hello Marcy R., I sense BIG TIME from your post that you need this badly. Trust, forgiveness of self and setting personal boundaries were HUGE for myself not just in the beginning of my recovery journey but I actually realized I lacked them even within self way before my narcissistic connection/relationship. I apologize in advance for the length of my recent comment to this whole thread but possibly you will get something from it here… Don’t just exist, possibly manage at most if at all or merely survive when you can THRIVE and have the capability for an amazing life, more improved version of yourself and healthier relationships going forward. I’m stating to you from personal experience that this is truly achievable or I wouldn’t be here. You are truly deserving and worthy of it. I’m having a very hard time containing my EXCITEMENT for Melanie, her upcoming webinar and the survivors that can TRULY benefit from her Quanta Freedom Healing Program. As a THRIVER from a 20 year narcissistic connection/relationship along with a dark and horrific aftermath, I truly wouldn’t be here either physically or sanity wise if not for Melanie, QFH and NARP. I figured even before finding her, her products and resources, that trying to recover from the phenomenon of narcissistic abuse through the logical mind or cognitively doesn’t work. Nor does doing compulsive/extensive research on narcissism or other PD’s (which I did addictively/compulsively for a very long time), just belonging to – comparing/venting on recovery or support groups, talk therapy or contemporary methods for I’d tried just about if not everything imaginable before finally finding her and doing the extensive missing/unhealed parts work. Something within me even in the train wreck condition I was in, told me that I required some extensive inner work of some kind or had many unresolved issues from past and the narcissist in my life was in fact the messenger of my already existing wounds – hard to explain. As you may guess, I’m VERY passionate about her intentions, philosophies, resources and products because not only did they truly work at leap frogging me through the recovery and empowerment stages, I’ve witnessed and continue to witness it daily for about 3 years now guiding, mentoring and/or inspiring others pertaining to recovering and becoming empowered from narcissistic abuse. Therefore, I can’t recommend this webinar or Quanta Freedom Healing highly or loudly enough off of roof tops to anyone stuck or still struggling no matter what stage of narcissistic abuse you may be in. I also ‘know’ that no matter anyone’s childhood, past or current circumstances that recovery and empowerment is most definitely achievable!

      Absolutely nothing in my previous life experiences, logic or wildest dreams could’ve prepared me for what had taken place since my discard from the narcissist in the summer of 2008 or the aftermath.

      Not even the resurrection from some safety compartment in my mind in my early 30’s of the many severely mental/physical/sexual or heinous abuses I’d endured for a major portion of my earlier life, my final detoxification and rehabilitation from an almost 40 year stint of high functioning alcoholism in July 2005 or my variations of severe to bi-polar depression I’d had throughout my life… NADA!!!

      It almost caused my absolute self-destruction emotionally, physically and psychologically – by either suicide or a thread close to losing my sanity forever.

      Not to mention, the continuing financial loss for psychotherapy, other therapies, many required psychotropic medications, health care professionals, recovery and self-empowerment resources, on top of already financial ruin or difficulties stemming from divorce, loss of employment in June 2008, escalated health conditions, permanent disability, stressful family situations occurring around that time, broken/null religious belief system, lack of support network or true close nearby friends.

      All of this hit me like a freight train, seemed like a real bad eerie nightmare, I felt betrayed, guilty, humiliated, violated, confused, conflicted, alone, used, useless and various other emotions…
      One day in November 2011 when I was once again searching “Narcissistic Abuse” or “Narcissism”, I located Melanie’s website, glanced through it along with the testimonials for NARP and Quanta Freedom Healing and wanted so badly after living 2 ½ years of absolute Hell after discard, the relief, recovery and empowerment that those survivors achieved.
      Although a bit skeptical since I had a severe lack of trust along with a slight hesitancy over the airy fairy/new age/spirituality sense I received, I read the return money back guarantee which was quite generous, joined NARC on FaceBook, ordered NARP and started working it like it was my last resort or last thread of hope for that’s truly how I felt at that time.
      I started doing the work with severe brain fog, C-PTSD, still variations of depression, excruciating emotional and physical pain.
      The first couple or so of modules I struggled through not because they were hard but because of my conditions. However, I pushed forward with determination, forcing myself at times, sleeping on them, doing them in increments and doing them over and over again as appropriate for me.
      Without being narcissistically abused, I would not have made the amazing transformation that I now have towards/within myself…
      It’s a contentment, joy, peacefulness, love of, reliance on self that’s hard to explain that I’d never experienced before.
      I’ve now been off all of the many psychotropic medications I was taking daily/nightly for almost 2 years that I’d taken for 3 decades or more of my life and doing amazingly well so far.
      My C-PTSD that I probably had even years before finally diagnosed is basically non-existent.
      I truly believe that this and much more that I’ll list below has all contributed to me doing the missing/unhealed parts work through NARP along with other supplemental techniques. These shifts only started happening when I worked with NARP, and even from the beginning I knew something incredible was happening inside of me.
      I still consider myself a work in progress and may probably always be, because I’ve always been in the mindset that there is always room for growth and improvement. Plus, I got started late in life, to reach this level of knowing how to heal and empower myself, and I have only started to unfold the possibilities of my full potential.
      I realized I was living in survivor mode most if not all of my life without normalcy, or the guidance as to how love and relationships work. I wanted to fill my emptiness, loneliness, my inner void by trying to seek attention, excitement, gratification or happiness outside of myself.

      I’ve always given way too much of myself in every way possible whether in business, family or relationships, and now I know I will never accept crumbs, abusive, emotional/energy vampirism or toxic behaviors in my life again!

      I discovered the truth: How could I fully and truly love others if I didn’t truly love, respect or trust myself? I finally realized that I never truly knew about or how to set personal boundaries, especially within the family or within my relationships. I’ve become MUCH better in this but still working at it within my immediate family.

      I realized my childhood definitely helped me set up to be a perfect narcissistic abuse target. Even though for some reason(s), I was never bitter, ended up not being permanently psychologically/otherwise damaged or personality disordered from my childhood/past but to the complete opposite side of the spectrum as intensely compassionate, empathetic, with integrity, intuitive, loving and so forth… I had (still do) strong mostly positive or strong qualities, above average intelligence and more in addition to vulnerabilities/missing/unhealed parts or I would’ve either never become involved with or left the connection long before if not got involved to begin with the narcissist. I apologize for getting carried away here or for the length of my comment…

  3. Marcy R. on May 22, 2014 at 3:17 pm said:
    Reply ↓
    I need this. I need this so bad.my trust is shattered so how can I currently trust a program that say it will heal what I’ve been struggling with for months or even years… in just minutes.but at the same time my gut tells me this maybe my saving grace. left mine are almost a year ago. But I still feel like I just came to surface to breathe. I’m not living, I’m just surviving. I want to be myself. I want to find myself.

    1. Marcy,
      I hear you…I know how you feel in many ways after experiencing it. You can trust this program Marcy. It is everything that Melanie says it is. I know it has saved many , many lives including mine. You can trust it.
      However, it takes work. Only you can do that work. Melanie and others help you. If you have truly had enough of living as you are, know that you do have the strength to do one more thing. Get the program, commit to creating your new , happy life. Above all, and this is the most important of all: Trust Yourself That You Can Do This. That’s what counts. Make that decision, or not. Know that you deserve to have and fulfilled life.!

      1. Hi Val,

        I am so pleased NARP helped you, and you’re now such a gorgeous force in the world helping people heal from narc abuse.

        Btw I adore yours and Suzanne’s ‘Coffee and chat’ segment – such a great idea!

        Mel xo

    2. Debbie H,

      I appreciate the length and breadth of your reply. I have purchased but not yet begun Melanie’s program and I look forward to the deep tissue healing that your are talking about.

      I am about 8 months into living on my own and rebuilding my life from scratch after discard and I am like someone who is learning to walk again after a bad car wreck: I don’t have much stamina and I don’t quite trust standing on my own two feet. I particularly related to you saying you were perfectly set up to have a N abuse you. I, too, have drawn that conclusion. One of the many gifts i have received from this journey is to find out my father is an N. What a relief to finally understand the no-win equation of my childhood. I look forward to healing this core wound.

      I am continually amazed and inspired by you, Melanie. You truly are on fire for a very good cause. I am exiting the phase of being obsessed with and learning about Ns. It has been an 18 month learning process and your writings helped me to endure the last year when I was living with the active sex addiction, the mind-bending and my own depression. I got our with far fewer scars and with a good deal of divine help. Reading your generous wisdom had everything to do with me escaping that dark, dark place.

      I am SO much happier, freer, less anxious. And I look forward to doing the work of going belief by belief toward my THRIVING new life.

      1. Hi Laura G,

        It will be so good when you get started. Makes all the difference.

        You will discover every painful, powerless thought / feeling is JUST a trapped painful emotion in your body.

        When you get them out – you wont feel like you do – you’ll release and blossom.

        Much better than trying to ‘rebuild’ (manage the inner wound).

        I’m so pleased my material has helped you. You’re so welcome Laura, and lovely you’ll be working on Thriving soon.

        Come into the Community Forum once you start Modules – we’d love to see you there!

        Mel xo

    3. Hey Marcy,

      I realize it’s July and you posted this in May, but it really struck a chord in me. It really sounds to me like you would benefit from trying NARP. It has been a huge help in my life. I was in an abuse victim role, together 27 years, suicdal, depressed, and finally left her. After taking a chance on Melanie’s healing sessions, it’s like a life do-over or something. I now love myself, and for me, that’s really been the key to unlocking a whole new world. (It’s been a year and a half since we divorced)

      The healing sessions are an hour and a half to two hours. At first I managed one or two a week, and I really did get a bit better in the head. When I then really Wanted to get better, was willing to put in the time and effort, for Me, I started doing sessions every day. The results were just amazing! I am no longer “hooked in” to the abuse, I have found I love myself, and this has been key to me. Melanie Tonia Evans and NARP has been the best help I have recieved, medically, psychologically, whatever- nothing and nobody has worked like this has for me. I tell you, it’s like she’s an angel that has come down to help us! It’s amazing, it works, you do get better. You have to put in the work, and do the healing sessions over and over and over, You can recover from the abuse and have a real, and fun life again!

      Alan B, from the USA

  4. Quanta Freedom Healing has been the one thing that has totally transformed my life. Traditional therapy and self help books did not move me on after my horrible narcissistic marriage of 25 years. After working with Mel I was able to get the strength to leave and start divorce proceedings that lasted 3 years as my ex through everything he could my way.

    The QFH gave me instant relief and I can’t recommend it enough and I do recommend it to anyone in a similar position or who I believe are ‘stuck’ with life held beliefs that are stopping them from moving on in their lives.

    I’ve moved countries (something I could never imagine doing before) met a wonderful man who holds very similar beliefs to my new ones. I have a calmness and totally different perspective on life now and I can’t thank Mel and QFH enough! If you have never tried QFH join Mel in the live Webinar and enjoy some instant relief, you have nothing to lose!

    1. Hi Sandra,

      it has been amazing seeing your journey from ‘where you were’ to ‘where you are’ now!

      How you completely reinvented your Inner Being and then your life – a life that now reflects your True Self.

      Thank you for your wonderful support!

      Mel xo

  5. I have been struggling now for many years with the results of being brought up by a narc mother but, to my horror, I have just come to realise that not only that, I have been married to a narc for the last 30 years! It is only by trying to work through my traumas that the true realisation has come to light. Everything is beginning to fit in place and I feel I am moving on to a different level but not quite getting there. I look forward to the Webinar which hopefully could give me that final push. Your article Mel has somehow unlocked the trapped traumas within me and I need help in releasing them. Thank you so much.

    1. Hi Lauren. I survived two narc parents and have been surviving life – just. I’ve been working the NARP program for six weeks and am starting to feel alive and connected like never before. I’m also feeling joy which is quite a new experience (smiley). Highly recommend.

    2. Lauren -you could be writing my story! The final red flag for me was ringing my husband while out for coffee on a Sat (asking permission) to go with my friend on an errand. He said no. No reason. Just control. I was 40. With 4 kids & isolated, he wouldn’t let me study & has takes over the family shopping coz I spend too much (he spends the same but now he’s buying less =more control). I am resolute is over. He’s organised counseling. I don’t want to talk but I’m scared of how to get out with my kids & no income. Scared but liberated (almost). Ps: he verbally abuses our kids when playing team sport on Sat! Realising it’s not me & I have to get my kids out. Feeling so stupid that I didn’t see & was so intent to get away from Narc family abuse I just walked into the same situation again. 18 years of ‘you don’t deserve’ & another 18 hearing the same! Angry at me for not caring for myself more!

  6. Yes please Melanie, I am so ready for the big step, I have experienced, the survivor mode and just found the limit of talk therapy and I want my life back and to have control of ME again

    1. Hi Tony,

      I’m so pleased you’re ready to take the step….that essential step ‘inwards’.

      It’s the first step towards uncovering your True Self, and unlocking your highest potential of truth and joy.

      I’m there with you when you take that step Tony – Absolutely!

      Mel xo

  7. I discovered Melanie’s QFH programs last year after leaving a narcissistic relationship. I am also a psychologist who was trained to work from the medical model: assessment, diagnosis, and treatment. For a long time I have thought that we need other ways to work with people. I have been a bookworm who has gathered a lot of information across the years. And I also practice Buddhist meditation. My personal experience of Melanie’s QFH system is that it absolutely gets to the core of the problem – in my own case, reaching in to my deep programming by my father. This programming deep in my being meant that I had always felt invisible, unworthy, and unlovable (qualifications and external validation of any kind did not change this). I also felt very responsible for the unhappiness and bad behaviour of others – hence me attracting narcissistic males. Like many of us on this program, I felt that if I loved enough, then I would be loved. This is so deep. When I came out of my relationship – using QFH, the massive pain and confusion started to shift. I am still on this path and am dedicated to it. I am changing lifetime beliefs and patterns. I also know that when I am ready, I will work very differently in my vocation. QFH, together with all of Melanie’s articles, E-books and radio shows really can turn things around. For anyone who is unsure about any of this, I would say, just give it a go via the webinar. Good luck. Thanks heaps to Melanie too xx

    1. Hi Carol,

      thank you for your lovely recommendation – and I’m so thrilled NARP and QFH could help you transform your inner beliefs.

      It’s so, so true that when we do our journey inwards, and start transforming, it all becomes so crystal clear how in our old ‘normal’ we were handing our power over, minimalizing ourselves and were a target for abuse.

      So lovely you’re on this path of evolving you!

      Thank you for your supportive words of my healing process 🙂

      Mel xo

  8. To everyone who is still doubting if NARP offers the amazing healing from narcissistic abuse that Melanie promisses: YES IT DOES! After being emotionally and physically shattered by my narcissistic husband of 10 years, I found the courage and strength to divorce him. However, I felt crippled and was merely surviving through each day, mostly because I had to take care of my son. When I found Melanie’s website, something inside me stirred and I knew I had to give NARP a try. What happened was so incredible and wonderful. Not only could I heal myself emotionally (and physically as a direct result), but I managed to break free from all the bad thoughts and hooks regarding my ex, even though I am still co-parenting with him.
    I have never felt better in my whole life, found new love and an inner love for myself that makes life a joy! I have recommended NARP to people around me who are struggling with the same painful experiences and cannot stress enough here that it really offers a miraculous and fast road to full recovery and more. I have opened up to life and love (which I have found in a wonderful man) and feel connected to life as I never have before.
    I will always be grateful Melanie and wish you all the best in your passionate mission.

    1. Hi Leonore,

      one of my greatest delights is seeing people who’ve been married and abused for years, break free, reclaim themselves with NARP and create radiant Inner Beings and happy, loving lives.

      I’ve seen so many times, in the Abuse Recovery Community, the effects of long term marital abuse, and how many people stay stuck in ‘my life is over’.

      Your post (like Sandra’s) brings me such JOY!

      Thank you for your glowing recommendation 🙂

      Mel xo

  9. My pain was unbearable and no healing modality worked. I was so spaced and depressed and even in physical pain when I restlessly searched the internet for something to understand my condition and my utter defeat, brokenness and inability to function. When I found Melanie’s webpage, everything fell into place, the fog cleared and I engaged in the NARP program, I did it obsessively, because there was no way I wanted the pain to come back. I was so broken and tired and emotionally flattened and destroyed before beginning NARP that I even believed the message: “the narc-experience is a gift you can claim, the wounds he opened were there a long time before you even met him”. This sounded true and somehow attainable and I embarked onto the journey back to myself. I am there now, ever learning, evolving and now helping others to understand narc-abuse. I think the hardest part was the realization that my worst enemy was not the narc but myself. Now, I am a good friend to myself. The program is priceless, truly. Very very grateful.

    1. Hi Christine,

      your journey has been amazing.

      You were so dedicated! You always reminded me Catherine Woodward-Thomas’ expression: “Take on personal development with the ferocity of a women with her hair on fire looking for a lake’.

      I was like you too – there was NO WAY I was going to continue living with the pain..

      However you were still a business woman – still had your life and family, but every time you could, you made the time to work on yourself.

      The results clearly show – you’ve become such a wonderful Thriver standing for the mission of assisting people who have been narc abused.

      You are unrecognisable from the lady I met last year.

      Thank you for your dedicated support in this mission 🙂

      Mel xo

  10. After living with narcissist parents and living for 30 years with a narcissist husband and a narcissist mother in law. I am at the end , i just can’t live with those people anymore. A year ago i did make the decision to leave or to die. It cost a lot and my youngest daughter is very angry about me and I did’t see her much anymore, its a terrible feeling.
    I lost almost everything, can hardly live from the money I have. I am happy that my oldest daughter is coming every weekend home. For my children I found my way up to survive. Then I found the books from Melanie and started to work on myself. I did a good job, I was feeling a little better in the beginning, but it did’t stay that way. And still I am not feeling good, still have to go falling deep and hoping it will pass. my daughters keeping me in the survival mood, but in my sleep I am thinking for ending my life. After 52 years I am just so tired of this life. But have to get better, I cannot leave my daughters behind. So I am desperate looking for a way to get whole again and get better.

    1. Hi Thea,

      I am so sorry you’re feeling this hurt..

      Thea, the real truth is my books are ‘supplementary information’ and even when we find great information it can prop us for a bit – but it doesn’t somatically shift our core wounds out and then embody healthy new beliefs inside us.

      This is where the NARP process of Quanta Freedom Healing makes that vital subconscious communication and transformation happen.

      It’s wonderful you want to get better Thea, that is the first step…then the desire…then comes the decision ‘enough is enough’ and then the commitment to self.

      Even if we make that decision crawling on our knees…(I certainly did!)

      Please join me in the Webinar – I’d love you to be there.

      Hugs and healing.

      Mel xo

  11. QFH is truly amazing. I do have one question though. Whenever I sit down to do a QFH I feel a great resistance, get very tired (sometimes I have to turn it of to go to sleep) and I’m not able to connect well with my emotions. I have done about 30 QFH in half a year and despite of all of the resistance and the fact that I have only done the healing a few times I have seen amazing results. I feel like I have become a new version of me. I have also noticed that I feel a lot lighter after doing the QFH. I’m just wondering, is it normal to feel a huge resistance and to not connect well with emotions while doing the work?

  12. Hi Asa,

    You have only just touched the tip of the iceberg of the shifts you can have!

    That’s great you’re having results, however the shifts CAN go a level that will exceed what you believed was possible. Truly!

    What you’re describing is very, very common Asa. This is the ‘limited self’ (old beliefs) wanting to hang on to the ‘Old You’.

    That’s the major reason for not being able to feel emotions and not being able to stay awake. Because once you start fully claiming and transforming emotions that Old Self will no longer be able to exist.

    KNOWING this is a good start.

    Then you can target directly ‘What it is that is not allowing me to feel?’…

    With the Goal Setting Module in NARP, you can set the goal “Fully feeling and connecting with my emotions” – and this is a wonderful goal, because this is where your profound development lies – in fully feeling and releasing painful emotions which creates the inner space to allow in the magnificent Source replacements.

    Your intention will need to be one of determination (like mine was that day in Koh Sumui).

    This is the required intention “I’m going to find and release every trapped painful emotion and resistance blocking me off from fully feeling”.

    Once you’ve set that orientation and back it up with inner focus..and trust everything that you are ‘given’ and stay in your healing space fully committed – you will release yourself.

    Also, to help stay awake, a suggestion that’s helped a lot of people is: ‘doodling’ the visualisations creatively of ‘the shifts’ in any way you wish whilst in the Module.

    This keeps you in theta brain wave whilst alert enough to stay awake.

    I hope this helps! 🙂

    Mel xo

    1. Thank you so much for you’re comment Melanie, I am amazed that you take the time to give each of us a personal response! I have been using the self empowering e-course with QFH and the love empowered e-course. I have not done the NARP programme. Since I am still only attracted to narcs, I have been single for 5 years. I never think about the narcs and I don’t have feelings for any of the men from my past and I am able to say no to narcs and to have boundaries. Maybe I do need to do the NARP programme anyway, to shift some wounds, what do you think? I recently went through an operation and the doctors told me that the operation was radical. After only 3 months I had symptoms and found out that now I need another operation. My body really wants me to heal, I am really trying my best but It seems that I havn’t been able to heal my deepest wounds and I am still not able to begin my new life and let the good stuff in. It’s like as if I am on an empty train station, waiting. I Believe you are correct, I have only reached the tip of the iceberg. What do you recommend, should I try to go deeper with the QFH in the self empowered e-course or do you think that I need the NARP?

      1. Hi Asa,

        You are so welcome, I love responding personally!

        Absolutely that is why you are having the issue…

        ES is after NARP…

        NARP ‘clears the poop’ (Debbie Ford)..and is the essential FIRST STEP.

        Then ES and EL have wonderful results.

        YES!! NARP..and you will be getting to and clearing what you need to.

        Mel xo

  13. I’m currently in the NARP process. My break up from my narcissist ex-boyfriend happened almost a month ago and already I can feel myself regaining my old self and sensing the light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

    Because of the emotional abuse and the addictive nature of relationships with a narcissist, I was expecting my recovery to take a depressingly long time. Through Melanie’s NARP process, I’m discovering to my happy surprise that this is not going to be the case at all!

    I’m not “home” yet but I know for certain that I’m returning to myself. The favourable turn in the direction of my thoughts and my outer life is unequivocal. I know NARP is working its unique magic on me because these days, whenever I start obsessing about my narcissist-ex, my next thought very quickly becomes, “Hang on a minute, why do I care what he’s thinking, feeling or doing?! How about , how do I feel about what I’m thinking or feeling or doing ?” That’s me returning to myself. That’s self-love. And that is the most rewarding lesson I’ve learned so far in NARP.

    Melanie, I can’t thank you enough for enabling my return to myself. You are a real treasure in my life. Thank you.

    1. Hi Arnel,

      thank you for your lovely words.

      I’m so thrilled you’re coming home to yourself. You’ve put this so eloquently – self-love IS turning attention inwards.

      Also thank you for being such a wonderful, sharing, open and insightful contributor in the NARP Recovery Forum – you’re already guiding and spreading great love and inspiration to others.

      I adore the connection of our community!

      Mel xo

  14. If this can work I’ll be deeply grateful. I know that the narcissistic abuse was only possible because of the trauma of abuse in my childhood, my vulnerability and the wounds i was already carrying.

    1. Hi Barbara,

      The process of NARP does work for anyone, without exception, who commits to and follows the process.

      We all have an intrinsically incredible Inner Being which has been clogged up by painful trauma and limiting beliefs.

      When that shifts out, we transform from ‘who we were being’ back to ‘Who We Are’.

      Your orientation is already powerful – and a great starting point. Because you take 100% personal responsibility, you’re already entering such a process ready for it.

      With NARP you also have NO risk (full money back guarantee) and incredible support.

      You have nothing to lose, except the pain.

      Mel xo

  15. The question I have been asking myself the last several months in survivor mode (NARC number THREE for me! :/) is WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME?

    my mother is a NARC so I know cognitively it started there.

    I’ve done some quanta freedom healing already but I can’t fidn this inner core issue yet. Help? What is my broken part that keeps me hating myself/not self-loving? what trauma caused that? I know it was something from my childhood abuse.

    i need to be out of survivor mode. I have TOO much in my daily life to still be stuck here. i want to release all my trapped feelings and trauma. desperately. but I’m having trouble accessing it.

    1. Hi Jennie,

      Those feelings are painful and agonising – however they’re just trapped painful emotions in your body – and once they’re released, you simply will not suffer.

      You’ll open up to your intrinsic natural state which is joy and self-love.

      It’s great you want to get to them and get them out…

      You say you’ve done some Quanta Freedom Healing – but are you deeply committed in the NARP Program?

      Because the Modules take you inwards to locate exactly the wounds (reasons) you need to up-level.

      Did you simply do the free sample?

      Working the Program Module by Module, takes you inwards, meaning you really can’t miss ‘yourself’ and what is going on. Then you’re able to find and release the affected belief systems keeping you in abuse cycles.

      If still not connecting, there is myself and other Thrivers in the NARP Forum to direct you in each specific circumstance.

      The ‘normal’ human way is trying to work out ‘logically’ what the inner wounds are. This is like sitting on the bonnet of a car and trying to ‘guess’ the mechanical issue without lifting the hood.

      Hence why the step-by-step Module process which takes you inwards is so powerful and effective.

      Mel xo

  16. Really interested in this program! It has been 1.5 yrs since divorce. Trust issues, agoraphobia. Help

    1. Hi Linda,

      NARP will help – absolutely, and has a community of support that goes with it.

      What you’re struggling with does not have to be like this!

      If you are feeling desperately in need – the Webinar is in a few weeks, however you can start NARP immediately – you don’t have to wait Linda.

      Mel xo

  17. I can’t wait for your webinar. I need it badly. It has been 2 years since my narcissist abandoned me and divorced me. The process was bitter. I am 10,000 miles away (in US) from my family, friends, country I grew up in. Can’t relocate because I have a 9 year old son with my ex-narc. The irony is he married me saying that am American woman would divorce him and he wanted an Asian for his wife so he can have a wife for life. I am stunned that he is going on like nothing happened after breaking 16 years of marriage. 16 years with him was no fun. I have not seen a man who is more self centered than him and devoid of any empathy. I have been miserable and I cry every day. No amount of therapy is helping me. Everything that Tonya says in her articles is true for my ex-narc. I am out of resources to break from my addiction to him. I begged him and pleaded to him for 2 years now. Nothing helps. Tonya, please help me. I think of suicide every day. Thank you for all that you are doing to help victims like me.

    1. Hi Josie,

      it was a very cruel and harsh let down when we discovered the narc’s words were simply ‘words’ that didn’t hold weight.

      I’m so sorry you’re in this much pain…

      Josie, of course I’d love to have you in the Webinar – but I think you need NARP sooner rather than later…

      I am post replying in the NARP Community Forum every day (virtually) as well as other Thrivers who are there to support, and you could be accessing solutions and support immediately.

      Mel xo

    2. Josie, please engage in NARP, this is the only way to move forward in my experience. Many of us thrivers have tried everything and nothing worked except NARP. See how condescending he is by calling you “Asian for a wife”, because he assumed you would be subservient and controllable. So stop the crying and get on with it. If you have financial issues which many of has had/have, after the narc experience, there is the possibility to pay in installments and other options. The decision is yours, not to be a victim any longer, but a thriver. You can make it, thousands of men and women can say the same.

  18. Hi, Lara.

    Forgive me for interjecting so bluntly. Once you start on Melanie’s NARP programme, the questions of why he said what he said, and why he did what he did are NOT going to matter. At all. I guarantee you that.

    It happens quickly, and it’s happening to me right now. Yes, thoughts of my ex still come up, but so what?! I see them arise, take forn and then fall away. I get momentarily hooked, I sense the emotional charge but then the realisation, “Oh, that thought again…”. What I”ve noticed is that the “stickiness” of these obsessive thoughts has lessened. A lot. The intense emotional charge I used to feel with them has diminished considerably and I credit this completely with my using the tools I’ve learned in NARP. The process at first seems daunting and time consuming but if you apply yourself, even superficially, you’ll get the hang of things pretty quicklyl and you’ll experience the relief from your ruminating mind, the way I am right now.

    In the kindest possible way, I strongly urge you to look into Melanie’s NARP. Of all the things I found online, and believe me, I searched feverishly, it’s the only thing that has worked.

    God Bless.
    Arnel

  19. I am 47 and have been in therapy for years. After my most recent narc experience, I realized that my mom is a narc and as I look back, also realized I’ve been involved in narc relationships my entire life. They grew worse and worse (law of attraction). I’ve also been involved in coaching and was at one time a life coach myself. When I left my ex husband last May, I had complex PTSD and was suicidal.

    NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING has come close to getting me in touch with the issues and then healing from them. Only Melanie’s NARP Program did. The value of this program is over the top. The cost of the program is akin to one therapy session out of pocket. You will get immediate relief and the healing process is expedited. I read on blogs and Facebook pages every day about people who are still struggling years out. There is really no excuse not to get this program, trust me! Go ahead and get it today. You will NOT be sorry, I promise!

    Much love and light to all going through this complicated journey! Healing is just around the corner.

    1. Hi TBo,

      I’m thrilled to see you breaking through.

      You, like many (myself included) had ‘heaps of stuff – very big and very deep!

      Many of us, despite being practitioners and having a ton of knowledge, had to release the trapped painful emotions out of our body…It was the only way.

      It’s so lovely to see how you have come out of ‘foetal position’ and are breaking free, glowing now and claiming your true life.

      Mel xo

  20. Thank you for the information. I appreciate it. At this point, I need to do anything to get past this intense pain. My financial resources are limited. But I am willing to do anything to be able to live normal.

    1. Hi Josie,

      when I was on my ‘search’ I was seeking therapists weekly, or in therapy – spending hundreds of dollars weekly that I didn’t have in the midst of a horrible settlement battle – on credit.

      I knew if I didn’t find a way to get well there was ‘no’ life I could ever generate.

      If someone had shown me the ‘one thing’ that worked it would have saved thousands of dollars, not just on what I spent, but also my inability to generate true abundance because of the pain inside me.

      Our Inner Being is the most important investment in our life.

      Mel xo

  21. Thank you Melanie for an inspiring blog – I’m really looking forward to the next installments on thriving – your work is transformational and so deeply honest.

  22. I, like Jessica, lived the nightmare of Narc abuse and didn’t know how to dog my way out and change old patterns until I found Melanie, her NARP program and Quants Freedom Healing. Listen to my story in last week’s radio show where I speak about the tendency to try to talk through out issues, which at first may feel like a release, but the truth is it is only a temporary escape of emotions. The pain doesn’t go away with talking. We have to find deep seated wounds and heal them. Melanie’s Quanta Freedom healing allows us to walk through the steps to find the wounds, the reason for our patterns of behaviour and experience, and release them. Once my wounds were released, I know longer lived the pain or the patterns. As I shared in the radio show, after doing Melanie’s NARP program, Empowered Self Ecourse and Empowered Love Ecourse my life is unrecognizable compared to where it was before. I have an inner peace that I never knew could exist, and I am more successful and happy in all areas of my life than I have ever been. I urge anyone experiencing pain to try Quanta Freedom Healing and feel the magic, It’s really amazing!

    1. Hi Laurie,

      thank you for popping in with your post!

      Your story last week was wonderful. Many, many people emailed me (and still are) who deeply related, and have been inspired!

      Keep shining Laurie!

      Mel xo

  23. Hi Melanie,

    I am now beginning to feel significant shifts. My situation is that I’m kind of exhausted from feeling this energy so much. I’m so willing to drop into the pain but I’m not really sure I’m up-leveling it. I am able to be with it and feel it fully but I don’t always feel I am releasing anything even though I’m not creating a story around what I am feeling. Any suggestions? Would love to be part of the webinar!

    1. Hi Sara,

      The Webinar is for people not on NARP…

      I’m assuming you’re referring to NARP and difficulty releasing..

      If you’re on NARP are you in the community forum where you can post and have myself or other Thrivers answer your questions?

      If this is a NARP Question – do you feel the somatic release or not? If you do – you are releasing. If stuff still comes up – (Which makes you think you’re not releasing) then that means a) There is another trapped painful / emotion to release, or b) You haven’t quite hit the nail on the head with what you claimed for the shift.

      If you’re not on NARP..then you may not have loaded up all the afflicted ‘stuff’ energetically (pain body, Time line, DNA / generational) in order to claim what it is you need to release, and / or may not have an effective release process…

      Can you let me know which applies to you?

      Mel xo

      1. Hi Melanie,

        Thanks for your reply. Yes, I have done NARP all the way through and then went back through selected modules a couple times more. Tremendous help, I can feel the difference in where I was and where I am now. For me, there are just times when pain just comes up outside of working the modules that I’ve learned to just be with without making up stories for it. Also, my former narc lives on my same street and I meet him on our road sometimes. I just pay attention to the trigger within me from just seeing him and I’m happy to report that I just let it pass. This is significant because I used to have to talk myself through that reaction. Which, like you said, didn’t resolve anything. I am totally on board with going back to the modules time and again when I am triggered. So, huge progress made there.

        I think for me, it is time to work on the self empowerment modules because I don’t think my pain is about him as much. I think my pain now is about not being able to create a life I love for myself. Does this make sense? I was so used to the pain around the abuse and I truly feel I was able to release that working NARP but then I couldn’t understand the amount of pain that would just linger. I just think its more about me than him now.

        Thanks for your insight, Melanie. This truly is a remarkable thing you are doing that really does help.

        1. Hi Sara,

          thank you for posting back!

          Okay – you have already had shifts through NARP..

          You are able to detach – manage easily and not feel obsessive and hooked – excellent!

          Fabbo you track big triggers thru Modules and release. Perfect…

          Yes ES, totally, you are ready for next the expansion forward.

          You’re so welcome Sara 🙂

          Mel xo

  24. After almost 25 years clean and sober, and an equal amount of time in traditional therapy and many other modalities of spiritual healing, I found myself square back to where I was when I first entered recovery. Googling ‘narcissist’ I was led to Melanie Tonia Evans’ website and garnered great education. It was only after further uncovering the degree narcissistic abuse had permeated my life and experiencing post traumatic stress to the point of fearing for my ability to function, I became willing to try Quanta Freedom Healing. The immediate and profound results were astounding. Though I had much understanding and awareness of self, I was still, unknowingly, holding on to old belief systems and painful patterns as though my very life depended on it. Quanta Freedom Healing is like a stealth missile. With precision, it allows one to open up and gain clarity as well as profound relief, release and new-being; space to not just function but really thrive from a new trajectory. My only wish – I didn’t wait as long to give it a try. I highly endorse Melanie Tonia Evans’ astounding gifts as a healer as well as a solid beacon lighting our way in an arena that is begging for a shift.

    1. Hi Susan,

      it truly is amazing, how many people I meet who are spiritual, done so much work on themselves, and tried EVERYTHING… yet had to go deeper.

      I’s so pleased you finally started NARP too Susan – I’m so glad you ‘heard me’ – it was too tough without it!

      So happy for you that you’re expanding, opening up and breaking free.

      Thank you for your lovely words!

      Mel xo

  25. It never ceases to amaze me how you drop into my inbox at totally the right time with the right message, Melanie. I am forever grateful for your being in this world and the insight, recognition and help you bring. I am on very limited contact with ex-husband (a Narc) as we have three young children together. This week his girlfriend has been reaching out to me. It started with a legitimate update on her family situation, she has a son with special needs. Then she diversified into talking about my children. Her emails were littered with red flags for me and triggers. And it felt just the same as if he was emailing me. I can see she needs emotional support that she is not getting from him and he is leaving her to parent my children. I have gently but firmly explained I am limited contact with him for a reason and that that must extend to her as well. She said she would respect my wishes. I feel very guilty that I have this knowledge about him and she is walking into a trap but at the same time, she would not believe me, I know only she can help herself and my ex would be more than angry with me if I said anything, I also have my children to think of as she does everything for them and he leaves her to it. Yesterday I felt like I needed to go back to talking therapy and was about to contact a previous therapist however after reading your article I have changed my mind – that is what I mean by your timely presence in my inbox. I signed up to your programme a while ago but have not had the time or commitment to start it, I think sometimes I am still trying to work through these things on my own but it never works. Like this week, I realised deep in my heart I still have issues dealing with the fallout from 12 years with a narcissist. You are right when you say logical thinking does not work and I do feel that the subconscious is where all the drama is happening, as if it is about instinct rather than logic. This webinar seems exactly what I need. I hope I can be a part of it. How do I sign up?

    1. Hi Claire,

      I love synchronicity – it’s our soul saying “Hi – here is what you need to hear today”..

      Claire you’re doing the right thing with his partner…and correct, she would not believe you.

      The real truth is: people with narcs have a powerful journey to go through, as we all did.

      The narc is representing the beliefs and already existing trapped pain and fear. ‘Warnings’ don’t get people away – personal development does.

      Would any of us have listened – did we listen? Even when we WERE warned we didn’t!

      That’s great you are going to work NARP, because going inside is where your emancipation is.

      Claire the Webinar is for people not on NARP – however there is a ton of support, connection, updated Modules, resources and my direct assistance (as well as other Thrivers) in the NARP Community Forum. The link to join is at the right of the screen.

      Mel xo

  26. I really hope I can participate in this webinar. I have been reading your posts for quite some time now, Mel, and have not taken the “leap” into NARP yet. I think some of my ingrained belief systems have held me back, like maybe it’s too “New Age” for me or something. I have held some pretty conservative, restrictive Christian beliefs which I now realize have actually been part of my problem! I don’t want to give up my faith, but the old ways of thinking and doing are no longer working.

    I have had one narcissist or another in my life my entire life, I realize. Starting with my mom, then every guy I ever dated, then my husband of 16 years. Then most recently, the first guy I dated since being divorced. The thing that shocked me so much with this most recent relationship, is that I had acquired so much “head knowledge” about abuse and narcissism, and I knew before the relationship got started that he was bad news, but I got sucked in anyway! I even posted about him pursuing me on the this forum and said I wasn’t going to let it happen, but I did! That just proves to me that KNOWING about the problem is not enough! Even though I am doing well right now after a while of emotional turmoil and grieving when that relationship ended (badly, of course), I know there is something inside me that will continue to choose these kinds of partners unless I identify it and heal it. In other words, I KNOW that it will happen again unless I change myself.

    I really want to take that leap and move on to a higher level of emotional being.

    1. Hi Julie,

      I’d love to have you in the Webinar!

      There are many Christians on NARP, whose beliefs have definitely been expanded by this journey and as a result of connecting with Source / Life / God within.

      I was exposed to energy work years before narc abuse and thought it was all ‘hocus / pocus’.

      It wasn’t until I was on my hands and knees that I tried it!

      Now, I TOTALLY know – and it is pure quantum science – EVERYTHING without exception is created from ‘consciousness’ before it physically manifests. The entire Field of Life is buzzing and alive with consciousness.

      If we don’t work within – at this level of consciousness, we are not in synch with life, we are struggling against it.

      Which means we’re victims to what happens outside of us instead of generating life from inside of us.

      So correct! Knowing about the problem is not enough – re-creating yourself from the inside out is the only true solution.

      Yay! It’s lovely you wish to evolve.

      Mel xo

  27. This is a fantastic idea!

    I completely agree that narcissistic abuse is the worst experience anyone can go through. And I know from personal experience that is gets worse after you leave the narcissist. No one truly understands the torment unless they personally go through it. How can we receive help from traditional therapy if the therapists themselves have not gone through narcissistic abuse? How does this help us? Trust me; I tried for years talking to every type of therapist out there. This is why Quanta Freedom Healing IS the most effective tool to overcome this horrendous abuse. It is created by someone who PERSONALLY knows the torment. Moreover, QFH is part of the revolutionary shift that is happening on our planet right now. Our traditional methods of healing are no longer working for us. It’s time to get on board and be a part of our evolutionary transformation. It truly will set us free! If we all empowered ourselves, narcissists would cease to exist.

    1. Hi GA,

      I’m so glad that you love the idea.

      I totally agree old systems need to be revolutionised.

      Addressing the psyche can not be done at the same level of the mind’s pain – it has be the level where pain is generated from.

      It’s astounding how we have all been disconnected from our Inner Being by being medicated to mask the wounds or given strategies to distract ourselves from them.

      It needs to change.

      Mel xo

  28. I am not very good on this new technology. I would like to know more about this programme. Everything that is mentioned applies to me. I spent years with people and it all makes sense that they were narcs. I am a bit of a softy but after my latest experience with a narc I realised it was possibly me allowing all tnis nonsence to happen to me.

  29. I see my daughter repeating the same situation with men in her life and her father. This is overwhelming. I have said to myself that I am codependent and I have started work based on this realization instead of obsessing over the narc. Don’t ignore the big red flags. I feel that all of this material stored in my subconscious is playing out on the world stage in my waking conscious life just like a movie projector playing a movie. But that makes me feel out of control. Is there no end to it?

    1. Hi Barbara,

      its true – 85% plus of our life is on auto-pilot, directed from our subconscious, from age 35 onwards.

      We are ‘out of control’ when we’re in our head – because these forces are so much more powerful than the mind.

      However – and this is the REALLY important bit – every out of control / negative / less than / powerless thought and behaviour is SIMPLY a symptom of a stuck trapped emotion / belief in the subconscious.

      So when you stop battling ‘outwards’ and go ‘inwards’ (accepting that’s where it’s ALL going on) and shift them out one by one – then you have the true solution.

      Staying ‘outwards’ and obsessing about the powerlessness ONLY drives you crazy and spirals you down into more powerlessness.

      The answer? Stop doing it and go inwards.

      Mel xo

  30. I’m having a very hard time containing my EXCITEMENT for Melanie, her upcoming webinar and the survivors that can TRULY benefit from her Quanta Freedom Healing Program. As a THRIVER from a 20 year narcissistic connection/relationship along with a dark and horrific aftermath, I truly wouldn’t be here either physically or sanity wise if not for Melanie, QFH and NARP. I figured even before finding her, her products and resources, that trying to recover from the phenomenon of narcissistic abuse through the logical mind or cognitively doesn’t work. Nor does doing compulsive/extensive research on narcissism or other PD’s (which I did addictively/compulsively for a very long time), just belonging to – comparing/venting on recovery or support groups, talk therapy or contemporary methods for I’d tried just about if not everything imaginable before finally finding her and doing the extensive missing/unhealed parts work. Something within me even in the train wreck condition I was in, told me that I required some extensive inner work of some kind or had many unresolved issues from past and the narcissist in my life was in fact the messenger of my already existing wounds – hard to explain. As you may guess, I’m VERY passionate about her intentions, philosophies, resources and products because not only did they truly work at leap frogging me through the recovery and empowerment stages, I’ve witnessed and continue to witness it daily for about 3 years now guiding, mentoring and/or inspiring others pertaining to recovering and becoming empowered from narcissistic abuse. Therefore, I can’t recommend this webinar or Quanta Freedom Healing highly or loudly enough off of roof tops to anyone stuck or still struggling no matter what stage of narcissistic abuse you may be in. I also ‘know’ that no matter anyone’s childhood, past or current circumstances that recovery and empowerment is most definitely achievable!

    Absolutely nothing in my previous life experiences, logic or wildest dreams could’ve prepared me for what had taken place since my discard from the narcissist in the summer of 2008 or the aftermath.

    Not even the resurrection from some safety compartment in my mind in my early 30’s of the many severely mental/physical/sexual or heinous abuses I’d endured for a major portion of my earlier life, my final detoxification and rehabilitation from an almost 40 year stint of high functioning alcoholism in July 2005 or my variations of severe to bi-polar depression I’d had throughout my life… NADA!!!

    It almost caused my absolute self-destruction emotionally, physically and psychologically – by either suicide or a thread close to losing my sanity forever.

    Not to mention, the continuing financial loss for psychotherapy, other therapies, many required psychotropic medications, health care professionals, recovery and self-empowerment resources, on top of already financial ruin or difficulties stemming from divorce, loss of employment in June 2008, escalated health conditions, permanent disability, stressful family situations occurring around that time, broken/null religious belief system, lack of support network or true close nearby friends.

    All of this hit me like a freight train, seemed like a real bad eerie nightmare, I felt betrayed, guilty, humiliated, violated, confused, conflicted, alone, used, useless and various other emotions…
    One day in November 2011 when I was once again searching “Narcissistic Abuse” or “Narcissism”, I located Melanie’s website, glanced through it along with the testimonials for NARP and Quanta Freedom Healing and wanted so badly after living 2 ½ years of absolute Hell after discard, the relief, recovery and empowerment that those survivors achieved.
    Although a bit skeptical since I had a severe lack of trust along with a slight hesitancy over the airy fairy/new age/spirituality sense I received, I read the return money back guarantee which was quite generous, joined NARC on FaceBook, ordered NARP and started working it like it was my last resort or last thread of hope for that’s truly how I felt at that time.
    I started doing the work with severe brain fog, C-PTSD, still variations of depression, excruciating emotional and physical pain.
    The first couple or so of modules I struggled through not because they were hard but because of my conditions. However, I pushed forward with determination, forcing myself at times, sleeping on them, doing them in increments and doing them over and over again as appropriate for me.
    Without being narcissistically abused, I would not have made the amazing transformation that I now have towards/within myself…
    It’s a contentment, joy, peacefulness, love of, reliance on self that’s hard to explain that I’d never experienced before.
    I’ve now been off all of the many psychotropic medications I was taking daily/nightly for almost 2 years that I’d taken for 3 decades or more of my life and doing amazingly well so far.
    My C-PTSD that I probably had even years before finally diagnosed is basically non-existent.
    I truly believe that this and much more that I’ll list below has all contributed to me doing the missing/unhealed parts work through NARP along with other supplemental techniques. These shifts only started happening when I worked with NARP, and even from the beginning I knew something incredible was happening inside of me.
    I still consider myself a work in progress and may probably always be, because I’ve always been in the mindset that there is always room for growth and improvement. Plus, I got started late in life, to reach this level of knowing how to heal and empower myself, and I have only started to unfold the possibilities of my full potential.
    I realized I was living in survivor mode most if not all of my life without normalcy, or the guidance as to how love and relationships work. I wanted to fill my emptiness, loneliness, my inner void by trying to seek attention, excitement, gratification or happiness outside of myself.

    I’ve always given way too much of myself in every way possible whether in business, family or relationships, and now I know I will never accept crumbs, abusive, emotional/energy vampirism or toxic behaviors in my life again!

    I discovered the truth: How could I fully and truly love others if I didn’t truly love, respect or trust myself? I finally realized that I never truly knew about or how to set personal boundaries, especially within the family or within my relationships. I’ve become MUCH better in this but still working at it within my immediate family.

    I realized my childhood definitely helped me set up to be a perfect narcissistic abuse target. Even though for some reason(s), I was never bitter, ended up not being permanently psychologically/otherwise damaged or personality disordered from my childhood/past but to the complete opposite side of the spectrum as intensely compassionate, empathetic, with integrity, intuitive, loving and so forth… I had (still do) strong mostly positive or strong qualities, above average intelligence and more in addition to vulnerabilities/missing/unhealed parts or I would’ve either never become involved with or left the connection long before if not got involved to begin with the narcissist. I apologize for getting carried away here or for the length of my comment…

    1. Hi Debbie,

      I’m so glad you’re excited, it’s sooo exciting to create much needed change in the abuse recovery world.

      Debbie you’ve been one of my greatest joys regarding people becoming Thrivers.

      I know when we met how much you helped others, your huge heart, the time you dedicated to support – and I knew YOU – as much as anyone – deserved to be free.

      Watching you blossom past the crippling symptoms, and breaking free from heavy medication and so much pain, melts my heart.

      I’m so honoured to walk this path with your Debbie – you’re a magnificent soul who helps so many people.

      Now you know you deserve the best of life too!

      Mel xo

  31. Hi all, I was also searching for any info. on Narcs, when I can across Melanie’s site on 11/5/2014 only 12 days ago, and I am so thankful I found it. On reading this blog this morning, something hit me like a bolt of lightening. 20 years ago in 1994 after my marriage failed I was very depressed and wrote a lot of poems and remembered one in particular. I raced into my bedroom and found all of my old poems and found this one, I would like to share it with you

    My body aches of pain
    you did inflict on me,
    the scars not seen by others
    are very clear to me

    Cleanse my tormented soul
    and wash away the pain,
    memories of yesterday
    still won’t go away.

    Please take my heart
    and sooth the pain
    that I feel inside,
    it will make me better
    I’ll feel better for a while

    My body aches of pain
    you did inflict on me,
    The scars not seen by others
    are very clear to me.

    I have been in a relationship for 2 years, not sure he is a Narc. but has some Narc. traits. My problem is he lives only 50 metres away from me. He seems to have gone away, and of course I am now obsessing about where he is, and who he might be with.

    On reading my poem again, it has reminded me of how I felt when I wrote that poem, very very much like I feel today. I do not like feeling like this. I am working very hard on myself, and I think I am starting to GET what Melanie is trying to get across to us all. I now know I must have issues I need to address, I just have to dig deep to find them, I am sure I will, with a lot of work.

    1. Hi Yvonne,

      Wow – your poem totally captures it…

      It’s only people who’ve been narc abused who KNOW that insidious feeling – your entire soul and being feeling poisoned.

      I’m so glad you’re starting to grasp the message Joanne!

      Thank you for sharing your poem with the Community!

      Mel xo

  32. I’ve been doing NARP for a month now. I too tried traditional therapy. I too have strong Christian beliefs. NARP is amazing. You become reacquainted with yourself. You release the pain and the hooks. You DO however have to do the inner work. It will help tremendously!!!

    1. Hi Raeanne,

      I love it when religion and spiritualty embrace each other…

      That’s exactly what our world needs – love, unity, Oneness – NOT division.

      I’m so happy you’re feeling so much relief already!

      Mel xo

  33. Hi Melanie,
    I have a real concern for the children of narc’s my daughter is has got and is developing more wounds that will impact on her whole life because of her fathers behaviour both during and after the marriage. The damage is sadly obvious now and I can only imagine will feaster and increase as she becomes older. At 16 she is hardly able to cope with school, hormones and adolescent pressures let alone the far reaching effects of a raging narc father, who has moved on and only parades her out for show. Outings like a dinner with the new family may involve 5 words said to her. How can I possibly help her. She is an accessory to make him look good and she knows it. I don’t want her life to end up like mine. My father was killed and that is part of my wound but to have a father still alive making choices as he does would be far worse. I don’t want her to start life with a wounded soul but it is happening before my eyes. Helping these kids is like preventative medicine if you know what I mean

    1. Hi Joanne,

      I’ve stated this message so many times, and will be doing an entire article / radio show on it very soon.

      We can’t heal our children until we heal ourselves.

      This topic actually frustrates me. As a parent I had to learn this vital truth myself – and I see the damage continue everywhere when people don’t realise it.

      We CAN’T give what we haven’t GOT…

      We have no ability to heal our children and our future generations and stop these cycles until we take 100% responsibility to lead the way.

      This is the ENORMOUS problem our world faces – we’re trying to bring change when we are not healed ourselves.

      That can never work.

      The most loving and empowered thing you could ever do for your daughter is heal yourself and become well – then you can help her.

      Mel xo

  34. Please let me know when your webinar is. I am interested in it. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and know I still have deep wounds from being the daughter of an abusive and very violent mother who had paranoid schizophrenia and who shot and killed my father when I was 18 years old. I have healed a lot through the years, but those wounds are still there and I would like to release them once and for all.

  35. I have tears in my eyes after reading this article it’s like you are writing about me and the saddest part is the idea that you can feel too old to recover,,,, thats how I feel… thanks for the embracing words that make me feel a part of a family, in a weird way

    1. Hi Glenda,

      It’s so common to feel like you’re ‘too old’ to start again.

      My oldest NARP Thriver is in her 70’s, and she has created glorious joy in her life after four narc relationships. She’s never felt more happy or more alive. I’ll share her story with you in the Webinar.

      I promise you it is NEVER too late, and you are NEVER too old.

      Yes Glenda we are all in this together – and we CAN all get well!

      Mel xo

  36. This blog is excellent as it hits the mark so well. I have been working via Quanta Freedom Healing with Melanie for over 2 years. As a result of this healing, I now feel the best I have ever felt! A massive improvement on the broken man I was 2 1/2 years ago! I now try and help others who suffer Narcissistic Abuse. THANK YOU Melanie!

    1. Hi Ian,

      Lovely to have you post here.

      You certainly have evolved way, way past where you were when we first met.

      You committed to you, and the results are wonderful. It’s fantastic you’re now a force of healing in the world, living your purpose!

      Such a joy to see!

      Mel xo

  37. Quanta Freedom Healing brought immediate and profound relief and with it a sense of coming home to myself and new focus in life that I will always be deeply grateful for.
    I had done what everyone else has and looked at myself, my ‘n’ and my relationship from every possible angle, trying everything possible to free myself from the cycle of psychological abuse I found myself in that at times led me to some very vulnerable places. I even had a ‘cycle of abuse’ chart and could plot where I was on that chart in relation to the relationship, it was so insidious.
    When I found Melanie’s website and read her articles and listened to her radio programs, everything started to fall into place. Understanding peptide addiction, the absolute need to stay with no contact, breaking co-dependency habits and replacing those by building a more solid sense of self and self-directed way of life, are key to my ongoing recovery. With the Quanta Freedom Healing modules, I experience the transformation of shifting pain into joy and freedom and sense of knowing I am connected to source and all of life, time and time again.
    Life is an ongoing journey with inevitable ebbs and flows and I’m happy to be part of that flow, but the Quanta Freedom Healing programs have given me all the tools I need so that I can continue to set myself free from a lot of unnecessary pain and to thrive.

  38. I can remember back to the time when I was feeling desperate for answers and was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I was in a relationship that was all about my ex-b and I was feeling very confused and had no idea what to do, where to go and was desperate to be feeling anything other than the angst I was feeling.

    I remember one night as I was letting myself into my home, feeling like my sanity and ability to cope with my life was slipping away and I knew that if something did not change and change quickly, I would slip down a very slippery slope into a very dark place.

    How this could happen when recently my life had been going extremely well and now everything was starting to fall apart. My ex-b’s behaviour was very confusing to me and I was focussed on what he was or was not doing and I hated feeling like I was on some sort of horrible yo-you type merry-go-round where one minute it felt wonderful and the next, it felt just awful. We would break up, only to get back together and on and on it went. Although he was not living with me, he spent a lot of time at my home and it felt just awful. I came away feeling bruised, powerless, confused, unattractive, unsure and I was losing my confidence fast. I was exhausted and it appeared that this relationship was all about him and not about me at all. I was doing all the giving and he was benefitting. It was crazy-making!

    I was doing things I swore I would never do and which were not aligned with my value system. I was chronically tired and although my work was not suffering, I knew that if something did not change soon, my livelihood would be at risk. I set boundaries that he would crash through and then he would change his behaviour and some new boundary would have to be set and he would crash through that one too. It was simply ridiculous and I was in fear for my sanity. All of my joy was disappearing and I was fast becoming a very sad and disappointed person. These were the predominant feelings along with intense hurt and pain. It was simply awful!

    Then I googled ‘Men who are selfish towards their women’ and ‘Men who think it is all about them’. Information came up on Narcissistic abuse and one of the pieces of information that came up was on Melanie Tonia Evans’s website. I began to read and read and read and began to understand what was happening to me.

    This began a journey into something I thought I had dealt with long ago when I left my ex many years previously. He was a Narcissist although there were no words back then to describe such a person. That relationship was incredibly destructive to me and nearly cost me my health and my life and probably would have if I had not left him and begun in therapy. I healed many things to do with my childhood during the years after I left him; obviously not all of them. That is how I was able to attract another Narcissist and in this case psychopath in the form of my ex-b.

    I decided that I was so desperate to make me feel better that I would do anything that was necessary to heal me. I bought Mel’s programme and began to do the modules. I listened to her radio shows; the new ones and the old ones. I hung out to read her weekly blog that seemed to always be what I needed to read at the time it came out. I also began to visit a kinesiologist to deal with some of the issues.

    I began to understand about peptides and the reason I attracted my ex-b in the first place. I began to see the need to go No Contact in order to heal. I began to see that none of what I had experienced was about the N in my life. It was all about me and my unhealed inner wounds and old negative beliefs. I began to understand that I needed to make me my priority and not look to my ex-b to fill me up and meet my needs for love and attention. That was my job to care for me and to set boundaries and to protect myself. It was up to me to create the kind of life that was in line with my value system.

    So, roll on a year and a half and I am an entirely different person. I have healed so many core wounds that I did not realise were there. I am happy, joyous, serene, content and life is going peacefully and well; all by myself. I have realised that although it may be nice to be in a relationship, it is much better to be with myself on my own, than to settle for something like the relationship that I shared with my ex-b. that was so destructive to me and was on its way to destroying me.

    For anyone who is suffering out there and wondering what to do and not knowing what is wrong and who is hating the life with their N partner or family member, there is hope for you. Many of you are suffering in your relationships and no matter what you have tried, you are feeling used and abused, are not getting the care and love you feel you deserve, your life is in tatters or heading that way, your partner has taken your resources and left you high and dry and feeling like a mere shadow of the person you were before you met him. There may be other issues too. Perhaps you have lost all your sense of self and self-esteem, perhaps you do not feel like your life is worth living or that you can make it without your partner.

    Well, if any of these things is true, you will find that this webinar that Melanie is offering will be life-changing and you will know that there is hope that you can have the kind of wonderful life that you always hoped to have. It is worth a listen! Mel’s NARP programme is amazing too. If you are feeling like you are in a lot of pain, just doing the modules in this programme will start to remove the pain and you will start to experience an entirely different quality of life than you have ever known before.

    There are many of us in the NARC community who were desperate and who are now living the lives we once dreamed of. We are doing this and are feeling wonderful about ourselves as we continue to heal. Life continues to get better and better all the time.

    For me, I realise now that my ex-b was a gift to me to show me where I was wounded and needed healing. When I broke the relationship, I also discovered that although I felt better initially, the pain was still there. The reason that this was so, was because my relationship with him just showed me what was hidden within me. When the relationship was removed, there were no more distractions and I was faced with the pain that had been there since I was a child and it needed to be healed. I did the inner work through using the modules and through kinesiology and am pleased to say that I am a very different and happier person these days.

    1. Hi Suzanne,

      you have shared your journey so well..you are so radiant and glowing now – especially the last few months you’ve absolutely blossomed!

      Adore all you cooking tips and wellbeing and health suggestions – they are fantastic!!

      Thank you for being a part of this community Suzanne 🙂

      Mel xo

  39. Hello,
    I’m writing this because I identify so strongly with most everything I’ve read from you. The comment you made that has opened, what feels like an infinitesimally small amount of hope and belief that there might actually be help for me was this comment –

    “Not surprisingly it is VERY hard to simply dust oneself off, get up, be happy and make life work again. This is what shocked so many of us – because maybe we had always been able to do that previously.”

    I have faced many challenges in my life (I’m 56). I was sexually abused by my father for many years beginning at least as young as age 4, I was bullied in school, my Mum died suddenly when I was 24, I am a survivor of uterine and ovarian cancer and, despite how hard I had to grapple with each of these issues (some took years), I have always found the strength to get back up and believe in the possibility of a rewarding and meaningful life. After my Mum died I made a vow to myself that I would NEVER let someone mean as much to me as she had, because I believed I wouldn’t survive the pain of that loss twice. I didn’t intend to make that vow – it welled up from a place deep within – and I honoured it. Until I met “the love of my life” at age 40

  40. ….sorry, I cut myself off. I made the conscious choice to let myself fall in love with him. He promised that if I “fell into the deep end and couldn’t swim”, he would dive in an save me. The first year was unbelievable. I remember dancing alone in my room one day about a month in; I simply couldn’t believe a love like this was possible. We married after 4 years and….well, I’m sure everyone here can finish that sentence. After being together for 10 years, we decided a separation would be a good idea. Nothing permanent – just a chance for us both to ‘sort ourselves out’ and build a better marriage. Less than 3 months after the separation he moved in with another woman.
    That was 4+ years ago and I am still frozen. I can’t go out, I’m lonely and without a family but, worst of all, I’ve lost hope. I’ve begun to really believe there has just been too much. Too much damage, too much abandonment, too much pain. I know I’m the only person who can change things and nothing has worked. I have had short periods where I begin to believe I’m truly healing from the relationship and don’t want him back but those times pass pretty quickly. I am still in love with him and, in my heart, I know I’d take him back in a minute if I were given the chance. Even though the relationship was not good at all after the first year.
    My question is this. What do you mean when you say you are offering the opportunity for people to heal without having to spend money? Or have I misunderstood? Money is tight, I’m on disability as a result of pain from the damage caused by long-term, stage 4 endometriosis (I neglected to mention that).
    I really do feel I’m at my wit’s end and I know I’m a strong person. Your website has helped me to see why that doesn’t really help and I’m grateful for that knowledge but I would so like to be able to believe again that there is hope for me.

    1. Hi Cheryl,

      you have been through an awful lot – as many people (including people who have created wonderful recoveries) have..

      Definitely NARP (my healing system) has worked for people on their last line of hope, and despite incredible levels of damage.

      However Cheryl, it takes commitment, work and dedication – we have to take that stand for ourselves to get well, and do the consistent work with the Program.

      The Webinar is a free information event. No, my QFH Healing resources in NARP are not free. My numerous radio shows and blog articles are all free resources.

      NARP is priced extremely affordably and with payment plans – as the abuse recovery community are often stricken for money.

      These are the details: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/narc-abuse-recovery.htm

      MTE also offers sponsoring for NARP, (due to wonderful donations granted from existing NARPers) for those have no ability to purchase NARP to be able to have access.

      I hope this information helps.

      Mel xo

  41. Dear Mel,

    I have posted the link to this page on my facebook page. Keep up your enormously important work!

    Love,
    Nadine

  42. Yes please, I’ve come to an empasse in my recovery that leaves me with morbid feelings chronic fatigue irritable bowel and thyroid weight problems..its frustrating as I’ve tried so hard for so long i do all the right things eat exercise extend enormous amounts of energy “coping” your article struck a cord of truth and I’m at the point of giving up and being in a self destructive dark spiral… Until now …I can’t wait for the webinar please include me thank you for your insight x

  43. hello melanie,

    if i could join the free web activity, that would be great! i am a mom of two girls and we all suffer from the abuse. i am doing it all by myself as my mother is a narcissist, too. i don’t have a job yet and am living in his homecountry. after all the torment i must recover from the inside out, because i want to thrive for myself and my girls. i want them to heal just as much, even though they are still very young. i am doing my very best to keep it all together, heal and build up my life again. but like all of us, its an up and down until you get to the root. the heaviness of the mental energy is so thick, its nearly impossible to do step by step actions of “doesn’t matter what” the smallest things.. at the moment i can’t afford to buy the quantum healing program, but i am reading your blogs, mails and Facebook posts. after a short break of doing that, i “coincidental” open one of your last mails.. where to my surprise i found this blog. i would be very grateful if i could join and if i have a job, i will do the NARProgram. thank you so much for reading this and i have recommended you already to a group of women recovering from abusive men. thank you so much for doing this for yourself and everyone else!

    lots of love, light & laughter XXX Marie

  44. Hi Melanie. Would you consider an article regarding the narcs clever tricks and immediate coping skills to deflect them? For example mine likes to dangle carrots in front of me only to snatch them away….and blame me. Example; he plans trips and asks me if I am interested. When I say yes he throws roadblocks at me to discourage me and any joyful hope. I know it’s a hook…and to make matters worse he goes anyway with a guy friend…comes back…tells me it’s not that bad…and asks why I didn’t go!!!

  45. Talking with my daughter, it seems with men she thinks there isn’t a difference between arrogance and confidence. She thinks it is normal for men to be arrogant in order to have confidence.
    I thought you might find this interesting and maybe a topic to work with. Difference between narc arrogance and healthy confidence.

  46. Hi Melanie, I am a newbie here. So pleased I found you last night with my online search for answers. I have been trying to absorb your information. I am a bit all over the place at the moment. There is so much to tell but will try not to ramble.
    I have recently split up with my x. I have been in a traumatising roller coaster ride for 4 yrs. I was charmed in the beginning, but it soon turned into a nightmare. He fooled my family & friends. We went from 1 business to another, he never got attached to anything, he was never satisfied, always wanting more, big house, big car. More debt. Had to be the show pony & be the marter. A false face that no one knows whats behind it. In the last year he got worse. Picking a fight to give him an excuse to go out. In amongst this all, I couldn’t understand how he could yell & scream at me, belittle me. He would reverse blame, turning me in a victim. To dodge his wrongs. I always found me defending myself. He is Dr Jekel & Mr Hyde. Out of control drunken episodes. Compulsive lying. The control. He would call me names like a whore, he would accuse me of having an affair, yet he was insanely jealous at the same time, ring & text me constantly if I was not in his presence, and the list goes on & on its endless. His brain is like filing cabinets. He would store any information, then like the poltergeist would throw it all out against me. I used to say to myself, why do I put up with this. I don’t need to be treated like shit. I can deserve to treated with respect. But I felt tied, I felt like I couldn’t get out. I admit now that I also felt I couldn’t do without him.
    Then 8 weeks ago he came home late, drunk. I checked his phone. My heart sank. I started shaking, then I knew deep down. He is having an affair. I confirmed this the next day by printing out his phone account. I immediately confronted him. Of course he denyed it & said he needed to talk to someone about our relationship. More lies. I kept pursuing the issue, cause I knew he wasn’t telling the truth. Lies & more lies. Then he said, Im moving out. He rented for 4 weeks. I found out who she was, wasn’t hard in a small town. Then he went to Fiji for a wks holiday while I was trying to manage our business. Money is no issue to him, he spends way beyond his means. Everything is so horrible & complicated. 2 weeks ago I moved out of our house, I couldn’t wait to get away. Cause he would just burst into the house in a rage & rant, I actually feared for my safety. I couldn’t do the no contact when I left cause there was a business involved. I am now living at my sons house with my 2 little granddaughters in another town. I found out yesterday that its all true, he & her have been together for some time. He rings to tell me that we could never get back together cause he couldn’t face my family or friends after all the lies I told them. You see I always told my family when he abused me. So they all know the truth & he HATED that. Hates being the bad guy when he is the scum. The other night he text me & tell me he loves me, misses me, thinks about me everynight & gets drunk to forget me & he was with her the same night he text me.
    He doesn’t know yet that I know the truth, was so tempted when he rang yesterday to say to him what a %^*#(%^&& he is. But I held my tongue..
    But right now I feel cheated, empty, betrayed, broken, furious, angry, revengeful, every emotion in my bones hurts. Yet I just want to tell him he is dead to me.
    Please help me heal. Where do I start.

  47. Thank u for your reply. Since this last post there have been ups & downs.i couldnt hold back. Imessaged him tellin him I knew about the affair. Knew its been going on for awhile.said he is a compulsive liar & a cheater.telling me he loves me lies when he is with the other woman.i said you are narcissist. You are not my truth.you dont deserve me.etc.dont contact me again with your lies.i changed my ph number that day& blocked him
    from my email. I have friends where i lived.they all thi k highly of me and being a small town cant believe what he has done. Anyway i drove over to have coffee with An
    ne.i parked my car.and the x pulled up beside me. Ver ally abusing me.telling me to get out of town.threaten if I didnt get out he was going to put up body shot photos of me everywhere.said I have no friends. Stop talking shit about him.then he drove off.i met my friend. Told her what happened. We went to the local cafe.next minute the x is beside me . flinging the same abuse.my god he lost it.there were people in the cafe.said he would spit in my face if I didnt get out. He then went outside and key scratched my car all down one side.said he would do the rest if I didnt leave.now he waited in his car till I drove off . lucky the police was driving past.we waved him down.
    Since then he said to a friend who was going to pick up a couple of things from the house for me.x said she is not getting them.he has been emailing my business email with digs . basically making something out of nothing.i thought yesterday. Oh my god. I would of normally replied to defend my self.i have not responded to any of his attempts to get a reaction. I have since blocked him from that email..I have been listened to the webinar.i have been trying hard to heal myself.

  48. Just would like to add. I signed a seperation agreement over a week ago.he wanted it signed asap .my lawyer has sent it to his lawyer.he has not signed yet.it was all his idea. Was all how he wanted it.is he trying to torment ne. So between this and what I wrote previously. I just want closure. I want to rid him for ever.

  49. He really doesnt have a conscious does he. With in a matter of two week’s has gone from saying.love u. Miss you. If you ever need any help. Etc. Back to blame And Nastyness and physco.

  50. I’m having a very hard time and don’t know what to do. I have left but I cant seem to do the no contact for very long. I have no job, no car, no home and it’s like I’ve started over so many times. Lost everything so many times. I cant forgive myself. I’m living with my parents again at the age of 43. I have no one to talk to because they just won’t understand. Sometimes i cant even believe it.

    1. Hi Christy,

      my heart goes out to you.

      Please know there are many people in this Community who have felt like you do, who have made full recoveries.

      I’d like to help you with the first step with my free resources: ww.wmelanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I so know how much they can help you. And in many ways, this time is perfect for you-you can dedicate it to healing you. Then all the rest will follow.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *