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I recently had a wonderful discussion on the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Central Facebook Group with a lovely lady called Mel. What came out of this discussion resulted in a huge breakthrough in her recovery. Mel discovered an essential lesson to making a full recovery from narcissistic abuse, and I’m really excited to share it with you today because I believe it will help you move forward in your journey.

This β€˜key’ that Mel discovered is relevant to recovery from any β€˜less than’ issues we have in life, and certainly not just narcissistic abuse.

The topic was β€œWhy is it important to feel?”

With her permission I would like to share, because this is very important.

Mel, with the use of Quanta Freedom Healing, was releasing and healing limiting belief systems, ones that were holding her back from breaking free into relief from her pain.

Whilst working on herself she discovered the limiting beliefΒ  “I am hanging on to my pain as a way of not having to acknowledge that my previous love relationship is over.”

Once finding this limiting belief she was logically shocked.

Her logical mind said β€˜How ridiculous – WHY on earth would I want to hold on to this pain and trauma – that is ridiculous – it doesn’t make sense!’

She reported this strong logical judgement in the Group.

Immediately I knew what was holding her back from healing. It’s the same thing that holds so many of us back from truly healing. In fact I see this quandary, this identical battle going on with other people trying to be free of the pain every single day.

By trying to address her pain through her logical mind she was judging emotions instead of embracing and transforming them.

 

We Can’t Think Ourself Out of Pain

There is always a massive problem when we try to think ourselves out of pain.

In fact it is impossible.

The simple reason is because emotions are not logical!

Now I’ll grant you the deeper reasons.

Our emotions are our soul telling us whether or not our belief systems are aligned with β€˜what we want’.

They tell us whether we are creating what serves us, or whether we are experiencing creations that don’t serve us. When our emotions are hurting we need to go in, see what isn’t β€˜wired up’ right and give it some adjustment.

Our mind does not want to do this. Our mind wants to avoid the feeling, or judge the feeling. Our mind wants to remain in control, and keep ploughing ahead without addressing the emotion.

 

What Happens When We Ignore or Judge Our Feelings

Imagine a child who is hurting… He or she comes to you in pain. Imagine if you ignored their desire for emotional support, or tried to address the child’s issue with logic – with something like β€œWhat a ridiculous emotion that makes no sense whatsoever!”

This child would feel invalidated by their parent, still in enormous pain, and would certainly feel emotionally unsupported. This child would be powerless to transform this painful insecure emotion into anything healthier.

This is exactly what is going on for you within yourself, when you are in pain and youΒ  suffer insecure and fearful feelings which you don’t accept and acknowledge.

If you were just a logical being you could use your mind to plot your life course fully – but you’re not.

If you were a robot without emotions it would be so simple to program yourself to β€˜do what was best’ and make decisions that you could easily follow.

However this is not possible!

Because it is your emotions that are driving you constantly.

It is your emotions which determine your life.

Your emotions are firmly in charge, no matter what your mind is trying to do – especially if your mind is intent on ignoring or judging your feelings.

This is why a lot of intelligent people, who are capable, articulate, confident and very intellectual, can suffer enormously with Emotional Intelligence.

Truly, they are (as I was) terrified of allowing themselves to feel and accept their emotions.

We were lead to believe this is weak, it’s going to hurt too much, and it is going to make us vulnerable.

Unfortunately this was a lie.

The truth is: Ignoring and judging our feelings creates more pain with no way out.

 

What Happens When We Bypass Our Head and Work With Our Heart?

Let’s get back to Mel and what was happening with her…

She had located the limiting belief β€œI’m not letting go of my pain because I don’t want to accept the end of the relationship” (a very powerful reason that was making her hang on to her pain).

So she wasn’t ignoring the emotion anymore (she actually went purposely β€˜in’ to find it), which was terrific, – But once finding it, she judged it.

This means sheΒ hadn’tΒ accepted the feeling unconditionally.

Which mean she wasn’t able to transform it into anything which would serve her.

Once I explained the problem in detail in the Facebook Group, a powerful penny dropped. Mel realised she hadn’t been accepting her emotions, and she realised that by not accepting them she couldn’t manage, heal or transform them, and as a result she was trying to get something or someone outside of herself to fix her painful emotions for her.

She also realised that she was replaying patterns of love partners that were not acknowledging and supporting her emotions – the direct manifestation of what she did to herself.

I promise you this belief system hurts a lot. By not accepting our emotions, we are in direct opposition to our True Self function (loving and accepting ourselves), which separates us from ourself, and it creates a lot of pain with what and who we manifest in life.

The reason is: if our emotions are not accepted and transformed by ourselves, we try to get something or someone else to β€˜fix’ our emotions. And if our emotions are not aligned, and are not clear and healthy we will only create ‘more of the same’, by attracting and creating situations and people that add to our feelings of pain and insecurity.

After this discussion Mel got to work on releasing and transforming her belief system and the associated pain of β€œI don’t accept my feelings” with one of the MP3 Quanta Freedom Healings in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

Once Mel transformed this belief she experienced profound relief, and for the first time that she could remember she actually came home to loving and accepting herself – which means finally she can now manifest people in her life who will also unconditionally love, accept and support her.

Now she is able to locate limiting belief systems, embrace them and heal them and transform them – without the resistance and pain of self-judgement.

 

Who are You Really?

You might think this answer is going to be too simple.

But here it is: You are your feelings.

That’s right your β€˜feelings’ (emotions) are who you are…truly they are the entire creator of your life, whether or not you are aware of it.

You are a vibrational being that just happens to be composed of blood and bone – but it is your vibration (emotions) which create everything for you – because they are you.

This is why you have the powerful ability to re-create yourself powerfully.

You, in effect, get to choose who you are.

As soon as you go to your emotions and accept them you are in your driver’s seat.

You now have the power to create yourself.

 

How to Love and Accept Yourself

This is the million dollar question. So many of us know we need to love and accept ourself, because our life is too painful if we don’t.

We may have come to realise the truth which is: if we don’t love and accept ourself we can’t healthily love others and we can’t accept love either.

We also run a big risk of attracting very unloving and unaccepting love partners.

So here is theΒ  answer to the question, Β that we all need to find the answer to – Truly…

Loving and accepting yourself is achieved directly by accepting your feelings.

 

The Mind’s Battle with Accepting Your Feelings

Accepting your feelings does not mean you roll over and accept the stuff you are creating or living that you’re not happy with. Β Accepting your feelings (the truth of what is playing out for you) means you are finally in a position to be able to transform your life.

Our mind is conditioned with avoidance, stories, judgement and condemnation.

You cannot decide in your mind to love yourself, you have to do this through your heart and this can only occur when you get your logic out of the way.

This is about feeling your emotions without resistance, without avoidance and without the β€˜story’ of how β€˜wrong’, Β β€˜pathetic’ or β€˜useless’ you are, or how you don’t measure up to other people etc., Β and all the other nasty stories and self-talk that our mind comes up with.

And of course without the pointing at someone outside of you for why you are suffering emotional pain.

It’s very human and normal to do this – but it renders us powerless to transform the pain.

 

Accepting Your Feelings Transforms Your Pain and Your Life

Please understand you cannot get mastery over your life until you learn how to detach from your mind, which wants to avoid and / or condemn you.

When you accept your emotions with fascination you simple acknowledge them, and you feel excited about discovering the reason β€˜why’ you have been pointed in the wrong direction. You open up to understanding β€˜why’ you have been in pain, and ‘why’ you have been so stuck in trying to move forward.

You can then rejoice, embrace your insecurities – your wounded irrational parts (with no judgement) – and start doing the transformation work on them.

Your mind if it had its way, was never going to allow you to do that effectively, because your mind keeps you separated from your Emotional Intelligence.

It is your heart which effectively creates your life through fascination and love, which equals acceptance. These are powerful applications and much more gentle than what your mind is capable of.

Love and embracing is the key – whereas fear and detachment is damaging and keeps us separated from healing.

 

The Key is to Master Your Emotions

I will say it again, you, and the makeup of how you create and experience your life all comes from your emotions.

You cannot master anything about yourself until you accept your negative and painful emotions, embrace them, and pick them up and investigate them without judgement.

The most important thing to master in your life is your emotions; because when you do then everything follows.

If you are terrified of your emotions, or judge them, and if you think detaching from them or judging them is working for you PLEASE think again.

These tactics will only ever grant you a continued cycle of pain, a continued stream of people who also don’t love and accept you (especially the very people you would like to receive this from), and you will have no way out of the pain.

Pain hurts and continues to hurt only when you don’t deal with it, only when you are not embracing it, and only when you are not transforming it into something healthier.

 

I hope this article has provided you with the profound awareness that can really change your life.

I would love to hear your comments.

 

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Commments (34) + Leave a comments

34 thoughts on “Judging And Detaching From Your Emotions Separates You From True Healing

  1. It is interesting how the topic you choose matches with my present time concerns.
    Physically I having this terrible digestive problem related to pancreas/spleen. In Traditional Chinese Medicine TCM, these organs/meridians tie to feeling emotions,trust, honesty, openness, acceptance.

    When choosing to not feel engage in worry, obsessing stresses or shuts down these organs.
    I look forward to Feeling my way back to a new self.

    Feelings are not logically, sounds like a Star Trek episode..ha ha. It is interesting how Feelings are connect to judgement and ego of story telling. Just another piece to life’s puzzle.

    Melanie…you might want to reconsider ‘PLEASE think again’ to PLEASE Feel again.
    ha ha…LOVE your works.

    1. Feelings aren’t logical. I tried to stop feeling so I could be logical. Then I had a huge gap that I couldn’t resolve and didn’t know why. Then the cycle started again.I thought I was smart and knew stuff.

    2. Lucita, I am curious if you’re aware of the connection to the heart region as it relates to traditional Chinese medicine?…I ask because I broke off my engagement to my ex (because I was feeling emotionally beaten, and didn’t feel good about getting married under those circumstances), but for over a year since then, I have a very real, visceral pain/pressure in my heart region. I know it must be related to this, because physically, I am extremely healthy…anyway, thanks for any thoughts you have about that.

      1. Hi Tony,

        Not sure what your question is. But, do look into acupressure/meridian/esential oils or energy work, important to treat physical pains too. Actually I had some heart pain issues that a chiropractor helped me with.

        The emotional guidance Melanie offers is so valuable, best I have every read.

    3. Hi Lucita,

      Yes it is so true that when we try to avoid and shut down the bad feelings (rather than embrace and transform them) we shut of the good feelings as well.

      Yes spot on! We do need to ‘feel again’ – absolutely!

      Mel xo

    4. Melanie you are so right!I have a narcisstic mother who caused me severe damage.Once I stopped minimising the effects of the pain and really went into it,it no longer rules my life.I have to stress this was no easy task,take all the support you can get.My only wish is that I wish I had done it years ago!!!
      Thank you for sharing and all your hard work,the effects of narcisstic abuse are under estimated.

  2. Another very sound article Melanie and thanks to Mel too for bringing the ingredients to us, so we can learn and heal. This is good timing for me also as I have just started QF no. 1 from the recovery programme and I will now be able to dig a bit deeper, finding more of my negative emotions and feelings to be gone. From the Star Treck movie: “To boldly go where no one has gone before” As Spock says ” your human emotions are not logical” haha! Thanks Lucita and I am a Trecky fan. Thanks Mel and Mel ☺❀

    1. I moved in with him too early, not knowing him at all. My heart, and emotions said ‘yes’ my instincts and logic told me ‘no’ , infact I was so knotted up with uneasiness after the decision was made. I ignored my instints and put aside how I was feeling as it is what ‘he wanted’ so much, but now learning to be honest with my feelings, should have looked after me first. Thankfully I have now found the answers to accept how I am feeling and do right by those feelings for me.

      1. Yes Jac,

        this is the point – that when we are β€˜at one’ with ourselves, we accept and understand our emotions, and we honour them.

        If we are avoiding or judging them then we have lost touch with that vital part inside us – our internal navigator which is guiding us.

        It’s like being a ship at sea without navigation equipment, and of course the results can be dire!

        Mel xo

  3. I realise now that I was going back to what I knew when I knew it was wrong for me. I knew logically it wasnt right for me, but I did it anyway. I knew but didnt listen to me

  4. I suspected this for a while now, that I was holding onto my pain because I didnt want to accept the relationship was over. We were engaged. He is a narcissist who cheated on me and left me for her. They are still together 7 months later. And 7 months later I am still crying and reading self help stuff and meditating and listening to videos and everything else imaginable trying to heal. But as stated in the article my logical mind cannot heal me. On the surface I know I have no fiance and he left me. But on a deeper emotional level I have not accepted this reality and thus I am still in pain. Thank you for this article. I have the book ( its old) on emotional intellegence but its not an easy read. I know the problem, now I have to discover how to release my emotions which are holding me back from moving forward.

    1. Hi Lisa,

      I feel for you, and it is good that this article has struck a chord, because it is another step in your healing.

      Lisa I know you have tried many things, but I do urge you to try the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, as truly it will give you the shifts and the releases to recover from painful love, at the true emotional level.

      And the healing sessions will step by step allow you to embrace and release the pain and make way for what you need…

      Mel xo

  5. It’s amazing the timing of this post Melanie; I woke up a few days ago with a distinct realization that I have been not willing to accept that my relationship was over (it’s been over a year) and perhaps that’s why I continue to feel such deep pain. I’ve put in a lot of work to heal and try to understand myself and patterns better; i.e., why I attracted this relationship and why I put up with so much emotional abuse for so long, but I still feel guilt about ending my engagement and resentment towards my ex for how I was treated and putting me in a position where I was forced to make a decision I really never wanted to. I suppose in the long run, I may look back and think that it was the best decision I could’ve made, but I am so perplexed – and frankly, feeling debilitated – about why I still hurt so much.

    I have been learning so much recently about what you describe as accepting our emotions – and I understand that, but I just don’t know how to truly put this into practice. I want to, because I desperately don’t want to continue to feel this way (a horrible combination of sadness, pain and numbness – like a thorn stuck in my heart) any longer.

    Thanks for your healing, loving articles…I look forward to them and they always are so appropriate.

  6. Mel,
    Thank you so much for that brilliant,brilliant show yesterday.you are so gifted in explaining things so that people can very clearly understand. I had several aha! moments. This is so helping me understand and change stuff in my life. My power of focus was so going into the negative belief system ,that it didn’t fail me,it made me so unfulfilled and at times so unhappy and I didn’t know why. But that is all changing.
    God bless you Melanie ( I know he does!)
    Iris x

  7. Hi Tony,

    thank you for your post, and I am glad the article prompted your post.

    Truly, and absolutely my healing system in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is a system that guides you to the embrace and release to heal and make way for the good stuff. I can’t recommend it more for your situation.

    Please do try it, as it will grant you the breakthroughs you passionate seek. You have had enough – and this is why it is time to take action and do the solution.

    Mel xo

  8. A question Mel that keeps going through my head and I have been digging deep to try the find the answer. The Q is…why to people seem warm toward me sometimes and at others not so friendly? I went into my studio and 3 studio holders were present. One lady seems to have gone cold toward me, not even saying hello and the other, being a man seemed ok, but wasn’t that interested in talking to me like he once did. The older lady is and was pleasant as she always is. She seems real where the younger lady (my age-43) has an over inflated ego, always seeming to show off what she can do.. I know I am a genuine person, friendly, kind and I don’t pretend to be someone I am not. Is it possible I may be holding onto a belief that ‘there is something wrong with me’ and ‘why am I not liked and accepted’ when I don’t do anything to be disliked’? Sometimes it is like people don’t see me. I was very shy as a child and ‘picked on’ when very young, so maybe that is where it comes from. It seems to come from people that seem ‘false’ rather than genuine people, so it may be just ‘them’ and I am expecting all people to like me and treat me as I would treat them. No one is responsible for our ‘outside experiences’ I believe that, but I do know I struggle with the truth that ‘it doesn’t matter what others think of me, it only matters what I think of me’…sometimes that is a hard one to accept as we all want people to like us. X

  9. I think Mel I have found my answer as when I relaxed after a while it just came to me. Due to abuse and mistreatment my entire life, my ‘peptide addiction’ to people being unkind to me has led me to believe deep down that I have to work at being liked. So I probably try to hard and some people can sense that, which is in a way, me trying to be something I am not, to gain approval from others. I think that is it! At times I am now more aware that sometimes I feel very self conscious and find it hard to utter a word when with a group of people, for ‘fear’ of saying the wrong thing, or saying something that they may not like. I find myself whispering at home (living with my mum temporarily) and feel like I am suffocating sometimes, unable to breath, as she likes to live in total silence. It just adds to the negative, lifeless atmosphere. I love listening to music or at times the radio to add life to the place. Silence is great when I am on my own and I don’t feel uncomfortable at all. I just don’t have the confidence to speak up and just be myself at the moment due to so much emotional damage. I used to get told to ‘keep quiet’ all the time and was sent to my room ‘grounded’…we can all relate to those horrible times! So it has become an ‘addiction’ and a way of holding onto ‘fear’ to protect myself. It is interesting my room is still a place I tend to spend time in, or a small room in the house, as it feel secure. My space. I am so glad QF has been born and is alive, thanks to you Mel as I would not like to think how we would get through the terrible pain without it. If I am right with my theory on my ‘being accepted, could you please let me know, so I can work on shifting it. Love to you xx

  10. So true Dawn and I have just completed a QF MP3 session tonight 5 mins ago which has given me some answers and has shifted a lot of pain. Sometimes I Have days where I am not aligned with myself and Over think things, but I find it and it goes. I always am cheerful, say hello, smile alot, often lift people out of glumness and I don’t need to do any more than be pleasant. I do believe and it is sinking in more now how ‘it only matters what I think of me’ As we can all relate, some days are difficult and I Q things, only to find the answer soon after. It is none of my business with what others are thinking, doing or saying. My art shines bright and I am in a good place within to be an artist. It is a privilege to do. I live in Tasmania and love it being a very healing place with wilderness and mountains all around, so focusing on that a lot, with empowering thoughts and feelings. How is your journey to empowerment? Thanks for your post πŸ™‚ x

    1. Hi Jac:

      I can totally relate to being over sensitive to other people’s reactions to me. This also stems from my childhood where I felt constantly judged, even ridiculed for expressing myself. I also take to heart if someone is in a bad mood, rude, etc. I have usually taken it on as something must be wrong with me, or I did/said something wrong. It’s a very difficult habit to break, but I have been working on it daily, especially since the breakup from my ex. He was only too happy to have me feel that I am the cause of his trouble or discontent, and now that I realize this, I can see where I have become on my guard constantly. I now recognize that I am a kind, friendly, good-hearted person, and I can accept my faults also, without feeling I need others’ approval.

      BTW – Awesome that you live in Tasmania! I’ve always wanted to visit there as it seems like an extraordinary place.

      1. Hi Elizabeth!
        Thanks for your post and I have found since working with the NARP programme, I no longer have the above issues of being over-sensitive, over thinking what others are saying or not saying, moods don’t effect me now and I do understand now that it is the ‘abusers’ reflecting their unhealed parts onto us, projection and I have learnt to not take anything personally. I learnt that being over-sensitive was a way to protect myself and it only made things worse for me, as I would charge on the negative comments or moods of others all the time, thinking it was me. My voice is now audible and I am not afraid to speak up where necessary in an assertive way.

        Before I left my ex, I had found Melanie’s site and got to work on myself straight away. It empowered me (and saved my life) and I practised not reacting to his outbursts, criticisms, overt abuse, covert abuse, manipulations or any of it, as any more stress was going to literally send me to my grave. My heart was sick, my adrenal system over active and my nervous system was becoming so damaged, I was heading for a heart attack. While I was becoming empowered he started to change toward me (obviously puzzled as to why his tricks were not having the same impact), he wasn’t getting supply, so lost his way with his control of me. He found other ways, as they do though, but I had left before he mastered these new techniques. The boundaries I put in place were busted down as it is impossible to hold up strong boundaries when living with Narcs, but I stood my ground and kept them up.

        NARP is amazing! When I look back on some of my posts, I think ‘gosh, you have really kicked that issue out into the universe!’ I just can’t feel that pain anymore.

        If you come to Tassie, I have a warm home for you to come and visit and you are always welcome. Streeeettcchy (((((hug)))) from Jac x

  11. Wonderful how all this information feels right. I bless my previous misfortunes for leading me to Melanie and consequently finding a direction in life πŸ™‚ Thank you for sharing

  12. The NARC programme really works and I recommend it wholeheartedly. I spent 6 weeks of No Contact- staying with my family and working through this programme. I have now had to seek contact again in order to start divorce proceedings. I was dreaading seeing him again but it turns out that the dread was unfounded. I felt nothing for him at all. I felt that all the hooks and emotional attatchments to this person had just melted away and although he has left me homeless and virtually penniless, I am filled with a sense of excitement and joy about my new found freedom. I know I am going to have a battle on my hands over the divorce, because he is behaving in typical narc fashion about it all, but I am surrounded by supportive loving friends and although I donΒ΄t know yet how it is going to work out, I know deep down that it will work out and that I will be ok. In fact I will be more than ok because, thanks to you Melanie, I feel I now have the tools to change my life from the inside. Finding you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Bless you and thank you so much.

  13. I am reading all of the Free Ebooks now and I am so grateful that you offer them. I have a degree in Holistic Health and Fine Art for years I have been on a spiritual healing path. Years of therapy etc. Applying the Secret Law of Attraction etc. Eating right. Excersising…ETC! lol I had a narcisstic father and was told that by a therapist after I was assualted and my property destroyed by a now exboyfreind in 2010. I divorced my husband in 94 due to domestic violence and lost custody of my daughter after years of court trial to him. He was older; richer and need I say cruel. I swore then that I would never be a domestic violence victim again but in 2010 I was assaulted. I have been researching narcissm for a long time but was given no plausible solutions to solve the issue in me that keeps attracting these men. Not therapy nothing was helping for years. I knew why but the pattern remained. These ebooks are a Miracle. My exfiance who I parted from in 2007 has been calling …actually texting first thing in the morning soon as I turn my phone on…I never married him because he was a Narcissist before I knew the label. He has been texting every day. Hi dear I love you. Chit Chatty. I knew he was up to something. Sure Enough he wanted to borrow a half a grand when he knows I havent been working in a steady manner since June. My last boyfreind cost me my job. This exfiance and of course the exboyfreind are NO Contact….Where do I get these creeps from? Now I know they are mirroring me…Gonna take a bath now and instead of denying my pain I welcome and bless it. What a lonely awful feeling I have. Gosh I am sad. My daughter is 21 and due to Parental Alienation and her father taking her 1000’s miles away she just hates my guts. Ignores me. I should of known when she was 4 years old and would come home from visits with her father she would call me a whore and a b*tch. Those words were never spoken in my home while I raised her. I paid child support for 15 years yet never saw her again. She tells me her father used to tell her I never paid support. I had to mail her copies of 15 years of reciepts to show her I did love her and never stopped trying to get her back to me. Irregardless she still hates me yet does not know me. My childhood was horrific with a moody mean charming narc father that was an artist and constantly cheating on my mom and berated her and us kids. My brother died after a failed suicide attempt in 2000 from minor surgery to fix the damage from the method of suicide he chose. My dad is a narcisst. My life has been honestly hellish despit all my attempts to fix it. But I believe I now have a key piece of the puzzle. Thankyou.

  14. I did not take the bath. I just keep reading you Ebooks over and over and this forum. I desperately want to heal. I am a massage therapist and reflexologist. A healer by trade. People come to me for healing. It is my turn now. I am just crying and crying as I read your words. Your method. Is indeed a miracle I have waited all along for. How many years have I been searching and trying and trying and finally! May the Creator and all his angels bless you. From the bottom of my heart Melonie… Thankyou.

  15. Hi RLM,

    Great that you are a healer too and I have a way of releasing the pain when having a massage in that I visualise all the junk and pain leaving my body, not just the physical pain but all the stuff suffered and held on to from the Narc abuse and the pain from my past. When following the technique of QFH which is very directly related to a specific area you need to shift in the NARP Programme. After a few sessions with NARP, it can be practiced without listening to the recordings of Melanie taking us through it step by step, as for me personally, I tend to remember the process. So after a massage, not are you only feeling physically relieved but emotionally and psychologically have released the associated pain with all of the damage from abuse. Reading the e-books gives us an understanding of what is playing out within us, but NARP is the magic key to freeing us from all of the pain, so we can come home to our true self. If you desperately want to heal, as we all do, it is quite fast and the pain does not return. That is what I have experienced since I started the programme only a month ago. I wish you a speedy recovery and freedom. x

  16. yes. I have been going to the hot springs and sauna and hiking. Lots of memories coming back about my mother. Despite two college degrees with straight A’s. art awards etc. She never siad Congratulations or good job. It was always her saying “I can do that” or “you don’t deserve that”. Reading allot right now. Yes I will get to the NARP. She could never love anyone that she couldnt help or feel better than. She is trying to edge me out of the family because I have moved thousands miles away and away for so long. But to be real its about I see through her. Have confronted her and I have my own power that I earned.

  17. Hi- I was wondering if you have any articles on raising children with a Narcissist father? I got out after 10 years of marriage and I’ts been two years. I am continuing to heal emotionally and come to terms with what I experienced and why and how to grow from it. My problem is that my ex is brainwashing my children into believing lies about me. My oldest, who is 12 is believing the lies, an example of a lie is that I have a sexual disease, and my 12 year old is acting disrespectful to me in a way similiar to how my ex treated me. We are in family couseling and I am prepared to go to court to expose him and the lies he is filling my kids’ heads with. Do you have any other suggestions?
    Thanks
    Kati

  18. Hi Mel,

    A question that keeps coming up for me while reading through this article is… How do you detach, and seperate from emotions when faced with intense loss in life, like the death of a family member? Or when you witness something terrible, or it happens to someone around you?
    I tend to be very affected by, and sensitive to others emotions, and recently there have been things around me happening that aren’t necessarily to do with my thought process, but everyday things that happen around me that i am witness too. So my question again is, how do i cope with these things, and turn them into positive? And not let them effect me?

    Another question I have is, is it okay to grieve and feel sad when these things happen? Or does that mean that i am still not detaching enough from my emotions?

    Thanks
    Heather

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