I really want you to understand this question and think about it. It’s vital – because there is a huge difference. We all have needs, and we all want them met. Some people who don’t believe they deserve to have their needs met say nothing, they just simply go along with their life, internalise the pain and choose to accept a ‘less than’ experience. For some people this is unbearable and they simply can’t do that…which truly is a good thing. However there are ways to get your needs met, and there is sure fire ways how not to get your needs met. I’m going to work backwards with you on this, by first of all giving you some synonyms that describe commanding and demanding.   Commanding   Being aligned with your truth Not believing that other people create your truth I use ‘I’ statements rather that ‘you’ statements Not accepting second best If you need time to think about that – think about it in your own time I inspire love, respect and commitment I create who I am (in the positive) I won’t accept being who I am not (what I have decided I don’t want)   Demanding … read more →

Life can definitely feel hard. When connected to narcissistic abuse it feels agonising, victimised and anguished. It is like all of our worst nightmares have come to bear. The truth is all of this feels terrible. It feels terrible because it is not the truth of who we are… Who we really are is: Love, Truth, Sincerity, Support, Gentleness and Happiness, and because what is going on in our life feels so far away from that, when narcissistically abused, we feel like we are in total torment. Whenever we have been abused, set upon and been the brunt of someone else’s destructive action, we take on all of the pain of the things that we really aren’t. We feel it, absorb it and start vibrating at the level of everything that is not us…   How to Align with Your Reality How we feel in life is all about our vibration. This may seem really glib, or not acknowledge what is going on outside of us, but I promise you it is true. One of the best ways you can break free from the torment and the abuse that is going on in your life is to realise that pain, … read more →

I know that many of us think that we are there with our unhealed inner programs. We may have thought because we had done so much work on ourself, that we had it right, and we’d moved into the space of receiving a great life experience. Then bang! Something happens in our life that feels like a major catastrophe. Maybe a relationship that you thought was for life breaks down, maybe you lose your job, or maybe something in your life who you vowed and declared that you could trust turns on you. These times can feel devastating, and whilst gutted on the ground you are shaking you head in disbelief thinking How did this happen to me again? We’ve all been there, and many of us are presently there looking at the crumbs of what we thought our life was, shattered on the ground.   The Outside or Inside Choice Sooner or later, there is only two choices we can make. The first, and one most unconsciously chosen, is to look to the outside as the victim, and blame life and others for what happened, or apply the personal responsibility of coming home to yourself. This is not about … read more →

All of us know about suffering and pain. There is so much of it in narcissistic relationships. In fact it is synonymous with narcissistic abuse, and the aftershock of abuse. I would really like you, though, to understand what pain and suffering really is. Pain is inevitable; it is a part of life. Emotional pain occurs in our life when something occurs that is not to our liking. Pain happens when the ‘what is’ is not what ‘we want it to be’. In relation to narcissistic abuse, pain occurs when we are demeaned, when we are lied to, when the facts are twisted and turned, when we are constantly blamed, and when we simply cannot make the narcissist see what he or she is doing to us. As we know the more we try to turn the ‘what is occurring’ into ‘what we would like to occur’ with the narcissist, the more and more pain we experience. When this happens we enter the realm of suffering.   Suffering is Pain Amplified The definition of suffering is to continue enduring pain. The reason we endure suffering is that we are trying to deal with the pain in the wrong way. Then … read more →

Do you know what one of my hardest jobs being a healer is? Let me tell you… It is convincing women that the man they lost is not a loss… How can I do this when women have the gut wrenching feeling “How will I ever feel as attracted to anyone else as I DID to him?” I know it’s awful (initially). I know it’s devastating, heartbreaking and feels like the cruellest, nastiest joke that Life could play on you…putting a man in your path that you feel so attracted to, so compatible with and who you totally fall in love with, yet things didn’t work out. Maybe the cruel joke went really deep. Maybe there was a period of time where you were in a relationship with him, and he told you he felt the same, that he knew you were his soul mate, and he had never felt so attracted to and connected to anyone in all his life. We can take this one step further. Maybe, if this person was not a narcissist, he may have meant this, at the time, with all of his heart – yet, for whatever reason things didn’t and don’t seem like … read more →

In last week’s episode of Empowered Love Radio I talk about one of the fundamental actions you must take in order to recover. In fact, those that grasp this topic start moving forward rapidly, as opposed to those that don’t. If you haven’t listen to this show yet you can do so now (it will compliment this blog post perfectly).   Gettting Love Right: Who is Responsible For Our Wellbeing?   Also if you are not a regular listener of Empowered Love Radio, I recommend you take a look at the 100 plus podcasts with countless hours of content for you to go through. I get wonderful feedback from listeners almost every day who tell that the podcasts really made a difference in their recovery process. Visit Empowered Love Radio   Accepting Personal Responsibility This topic may lose some of you – and truly that is okay, because even though this is the case, it will also ‘find’ many of you – in that you will have the ability to totally find yourself, pick up the key and turn it in order to create true relief and the happy, fulfilling life you really want to live. There is one defining … read more →

Anyone who has been narcissistically abused knows what it feels like to be enmeshed with the narcissist. It feels crippling, all consuming, and, at the time of the extremes, as if there is no way to be released. This enmeshment occurs physically and especially psychically. The reason I say especially psychically is because, even if you end a relationship with a narcissist, and even when eventually you separate material possessions and have no physical or verbal contact, the connection that you cannot physically or logically define is much harder to break. What I mean by being ‘psychically entangled’ with a narcissistic is this. You feel like the narcissist is crawling under your skin. It seems like the narcissist never left. Many people report the feeling as if the narcissist, and all the associated pain that goes with narcissistic abuse, is still running through their veins like a poisonous black ink. That is certainly how it felt for me. While this psychic enmeshment is going on, you feel like everywhere you look, and every location you are in, reminds you of the narcissist. Trying to get the narcissist out of your mind and your emotions is akin to needing an exorcism. … read more →