[breadcrumb]


Some people have asked me for a Thriver Story interview with someone further down the track from their NARP Healing Journey… and to see what their life looks like now – some years later.

This story is about Laurie, who before the “Thriver Show’ series did two radio show with me previously a few years ago.

Laurie is incredibly insightful, and I know you will find her amazing to listen to. She has profound messages that will hit anyone’s consciousness and heart listening to the powerful realisations she discovered along her personal journey.

This show is very similar to others I have done with Laurie, in that it is very ‘free-style.’ For this reason I am not providing a transcript as such.

Even though Laurie is getting over a virus bug, her articulation is quite incredible, and this show is definitely in my opinion a ‘must listen to’ show for anyone wishing to awaken and heal from narcissistic abuse.

Many aspects are covered in this show.

We begin it by discussing Laurie’s marriage and life before narcissistic abuse, and how 5 years after divorcing she met the narcissist.

We then discuss aspects of this relationship, and within this conversation Laurie expresses wonderful insights about ‘what was really happening’ – and the dynamic this relationship was reflecting back at her.

Truly many of Laurie’s ‘bang on’ insights blew me away!

Then we move into Laurie’s recovery process. What she did, how she did it, and how for the first time in her life she learnt what it was to ‘come home’ to herself, and grant herself the space, time, energy and ability to truly heal.

Then Laurie’s whirlwind healing journey continues with her determinedly releasing her limiting beliefs – treating her healing as a ‘must do’ structure and mission which then led to her dating again.

Laurie’s intention was simply to have ‘coffees with men’, but as you will discover when you listen to this show – that is NOT what happened.

During this story we talk about Laurie’s journey from narcissistic abuse, to freedom and then connecting to one of her greatest desires – a healthy, mature supportive relationship with her partner John.

From there we talk about the journey of Laurie’s new relationship and how it was completely different to any love relationship she had previously had.

Most important of all… we learn how Laurie showed up completely differently than she ever had before.

I know you will find this show delightful and incredibly inspirational.

If you are interested in becoming a member of the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program like Laurie you can find all the information here.

If you have any questions for Laurie or myself please leave them in the comments section below and we will both be happy to respond.

 

Join My FREE 16-Day Recovery Course to Begin
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Related blog post

Thriver Talks Special: Healing Financial Prosperity After Abuse

Read More

Repetitive Compulsion Disorder and Abuse

Read More

Commments (49) + Leave a comments

49 thoughts on “Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #15 Laurie

  1. loved loved loved this show..18 months on and can identify with so much been working hard and after listening to this need to get back to the e love course and work out how to put a profile together…wasn’t ready when I got it , been working hard on me and now feel like it’s time..thanks so much for sharing arohanuixx

    1. Thanks Frith. Glad you liked the show. Putting together a new profile can be daunting. Making a list of gear I wanted for myself first helped me. Good luck!

  2. really enjoyed listening to laurie, there’s no doubt she is an intelligent person which I think helps achieve what she did in a shorter time. however there is no reason why others can’t do the same even if it takes longer. i thought it was key when she mentioned the importance of repetition with the program even now she is settled and happy. we only become better at something with practice.
    I haven’t tried any of the programs as yet but now im tempted to put my name on the list; before my ex narc came along, id mastered the ability to be joyful in any situation I found myself in, but now all that has disappeared, nowhere to be seen! assumed it would come back all by itself, obviously there is more to be done.

    1. Thanks, Karen. I don’t think intelligence had much to do with my being able to complete programs rather quickly. More my compulsion to feel better. I don’t think it’s about completing the programs quickly. I think it’s about taking the time we need to process and heal.
      I know exactly what you mean by being joyful in situations. That disappeared for me post narc too, but it is back more than ever now that I enjoy walking in my own energy. The programs really helped with that. Wishing you peace and strength… Get started. If I can do it, anyone can!

  3. This was the first show I’ve listened to rather than just read. I am in tears now. I’ve had the NARP programme for some years’ but struggled to complete it because at bottom I’ve been confused as to whether I have been more narcissistic than my narcissists. I have certainly fought them and also tried to help them (I thought) but in ways that seem in retrospect to have often been projected behaviour. It has been my blurred boundaries, combination of strength and weakness, awareness and blindness, that I have found so difficult to accept and forgive enough to want to heal. Everyone else speaking here just seems more worthwhile despite their horrendous experiences.

    But as there is no alternative to NARP that I have found, this radio show has shown me I must summon the energy to tackle the modules with more faith and confidence this time. I would find it easier if I had a dependent child at home to be doing it for, but need to remember instead that my three girls are grown up, and, thank heavens, apparently clear of my inner demons. For that I thank a guardian I cannot see but who does seem to have batted on my behalf despite my best efforts to screw things up.

    There is a lot of blossom around now but still such sudden bad frosts as well. Thank you again Mel and now Laurie for the inspiration to keep going.

    1. Hi Jenny,

      many, many people struggle with ‘Am I the bad one?’….

      Truly it is so important to understand abuse / abused is all the same dynamic..in that it all stems from the woundedness of abuse..

      The only difference between co-deps and those suffering with NPD in regard to woundedness is the ability to self-reflect and have a conscience.

      Truly if NPD sufferers had the ability to be conscious, self-reflect and take 100% responsibility for their young inner wounds, NARP would work for them – because it is system of locating, releasing and up-levelling these wounds.

      It will be lovely if you find the inspiration for you to stand in for yourself to find and release your wounds.

      Hugs and healing Jenny.

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Jenny,
      I agree with Mel. Narcs never wonder if they are narcs-they hold no accountability for their behaviour,so the fact that you are questioning yourself means you are definitely not a narcissist!
      I am impressed that you are thinking of doing the NARP program for yourself. You deserve it. it’s a whole new way of walking the planet afterward, and you will be so glad that you did!

  4. Inspiring indeed! Laurie could have been telling my story. I am in between modules 8 & 9 and am already feeling an enormous shift happening in my life. I actually feel happy, hopeful, empowered and peaceful – feelings that I thought would forever elude me when I began this journey. I can’t wait to see what the next chapter (and final modules) has in store for me. Thanks Laurie for sharing your thoughts. Thanks Mel…for saving so many of us out here. You rock!

    1. Hi Maggie,

      I am so thrilled you are feeling that beautiful shift of space opening up, and becoming your True Self.

      Maggie you are so welcome, and I am so pleased I could help, and that you enjoyed and can relate to Laurie’s wonderful journey.
      Bless!

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Maggie,
      I am humbled that you can relate to my experience. Isn’t’ the shift an amazing feeling? Once you finish the program, I think you will find that this shift filters through your whole life. It is wonderful! Continued good energy to you as you continue to enjoy your evolution!

  5. One of the great gifts of doing the modules and NARP is that we discover true self-love in the process. The self-love I have finally encountered within myself emerges truly from my own heart and no longer from any outside source other than me. It doesn’t spring from something I was told as a child by my parents or siblings that “I am so lovable” I think that is classic co-dependency. It comes from me as my own source and it is very powerful. Just my two cents, thanks for everything Mel.

    1. Hi Nikita,

      you have expressed this masterfully..

      It is so true, the feelings, the wisdom, the wholeness – all comes from inside when we clear the ‘junk’..

      Because it is the essence of Who We Already Are..

      Simply waiting for us to dig our Essential Self out so that it can shine.

      The truth is we can only ‘be’ – we can’t ‘get’…and once we ‘be’ our world fills up with so much more of this loving and authentic ‘beingness’.

      We are always generating more of ourselves…

      A GREAT ‘two cents’ Nikita!

      Mel xo

    2. Thanks for the “two cents,” Nikita. I wholeheartedly agree with both you and Mel’s comments below. We come home to ourselves once the layers of wounds are released, and what is so wonderful is that not only are we becoming what we were, purely, all along, but we can carry ourselves with us everywhere. I can tap into my Inner Being, my truth, anywhere now. In a crowded place, under stress, at the beach, and my favourite place, alone in my own home, so the self love is completely portable. So awesome!

  6. Thank you Laurie for sharing your experiences. I’ve been NARPING for a year now and cannot believe where I am at now, from a year ago! If someone had told me last year where I could be in a year- I would not have believed them. In fact- I did hear others’ testimonials a year ago, and could not imagine how that kind of turn around could happen in my own life. But that is the great part about NARPing. You leave it up to the spirit guides of the universe, or god, or goddesses, or whatever you want to name it as something Greater than ourselves. You just have to work the program as if the rest of your life depends on it, – because it does. I am so thankful to Melanie, and the other NARpers’ encouragement and strength. We really do not do this alone, once we get started. BUT- you have to start, and work it!! Laurie, you have made me consider that it just might be possible for me to love well in partnership. I’ve got the creating love ecourse book-marked for November- which will be 2 years since I left the N… Like you, having the money back guarantee for the NARP program was very important to me, after having being ‘sold’ on the Narc through love-bombing. I was more than happy to pay for NARP after a two week try out. It is so far, the best deal of my life!!

    1. Hi Becca,

      thank you for your lovely and inspirational post..

      It is very true that once we start the journey to profoundly heal there is a whole community of those orientating to be Thrivers co-generating…such is the NARP Forum and NARC facebook group..

      There is a lot of support for people, you certainly don’t have to do the journey alone!

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Becca,
      I agree that the compulsion to heal becomes almost survival based. That’s the way it was for me! And yes,the changes are incredible and so unpredictable in their depth.
      I am happy that my blooming partnership is inspiring you and giving you hope. Believe me, it was hard for me to hold onto hope before the NARP program and the Empowered Love Ecourse. I just kept repeating old patterns. And now, I have the partnership I have always wanted for myself. Ironically, I was so happy alone before I met my honey.
      Keep NARPing…you are on a roll!

  7. Great testimonial, congrats to Laurie. I just wanted to remind you all that there are many male victims out here too. I was abused for 6 years and recently my divorce was final. I have done two years of intense healing and self study on NPD. Recently I was asked to address a class of post-grad students in psychology. It was a wonderful experience and grew into a 3 hour mini-seminar. I have recently met a wonderful, emotionally healthy woman that treats me with reciprocal love and consideration. To all those victims out there I say, do the hard work, the payoff is a huge blessing. God bless you all.

    1. Hi Ron,

      thank you for posting.

      There is many men who are involved in this community – its wonderful that 25% of NARP members are men!

      It is wonderful when men like yourself post..

      Congratulations on your wonderful recovery and great generating of your abuse free life!

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Ron,
      Absolutely, there are a number of men who experience NARP abuse. It crosses all cultures, all languages, all countries, and gender. It also exists in both heterosexual and same sex relationships.
      Thank you for the reminder. I should have mentioned the widespread existence of NARC abuse in the radio show. The good news is that Melanie’s program s work for everyone-so we can all evolve and heal wounds.

    1. Thanks to both Kally and Melanie. I am humbled, but I also know that we all have magic inside of us and a light to share with the world.
      Thanks for posting,Kally.

  8. Hi Melanie,

    I enjoyed listening to Lori’s story. I am still on my journey of recovery. So much of what Lori said resonated with me. I am looking forward to being on the other side of this! Removing all the “crud” & returning to myself.
    Thank you. Patty Shipe

    1. Hi Patty,

      You are very welcome, and that is wonderful you enjoyed Laurie’s story.

      That is such a beautiful orientation to stand in for yourself and do the work!!

      Gorgeous… and the destination is ‘coming home’ absolutely – because there is no-where else to go, other than to be free of the painful ‘crud’, and naturally feel and know Who We Are!

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Patty,
      Removing the “crud”-love that- is the best work I have ever done in my life, for myself. And the amazing effect is that this crud removal has improved all the relationships in my life, not the least of which was the relationship with myself!
      I know when you are on the “other side” of the work, and even while you are doing the work, you will experience the magic that I describe. Best of luck to you!

  9. Hi Melanie,
    Wow! I am at present still in my narc relationship but…. Something bad happened a week ago that has set me on the path of freeing myself from him. I am in fact in the process. Having heard this remarkable story from Laurie, (and she was in her narc relationship for a relatively short time, myself 4 1/2 years)I am not only inspired to keep going forward as there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and also get the NARP program as well. I know the recovery will take time because HE has invaded every nook and cranny of my psyche. I think of it as a sort of deprogramming from a cult, because the culture of narcissism is all pervasive.
    I am sort of feeling optimistic despite the pain I will go through in the coming weeks and perhaps months. I’m ready to take the next step thanks to you and the lovely story from Laurie.
    Many Blessings for your Inspiration!
    Thank you.
    Kathy xo

    1. Kathy, NARP is the shortest and most effective way to heal from the toxic and deadly poison of Narc-abuse, you get it out of every cell, “nook and cranny” of your system. It is not only as you say, a deprogramming from a cult, it is a coming home to yourself and discovering your inner worth which has always been there, waiting to flourish. With NARP, the disengagement and recovery journey is not long and painful, but short, intensive and effective. I have done it as have many others.

      1. Thanks Christine,
        once I get this narcissist away from me I know I can start to re-find the lovely person inside that I have lost.

    2. Hi Kathy,
      De-programming is just what it’s like. I called it “reprogramming,” because I had to see the world in a whole new way.
      The pain you are feeling now as you begin the process of leaving the relationship is worse than any growth or release you will experience once you start to do the work. And you will feel such gratitude that you have found yourself again.
      It does permeate every cell, every part of us, Kathy. It becomes the way our brain fires. But not permanently because you can turn it all around. I forgot to mention in the show that I have run into the NARC twice since I have done the work, and both times I could not believe I had ever chosen him. There was no charge, no anger, no kick in the gut that one would expect. I actually spoke to him for a moment or two, and I was so proud of myself that I had come so far. And he kept saying how amazing he thought I looked. I’m sure he did. So, as painful as it is now, a pain free way of being is waiting for you. I wish you peace in your journey. Go for it. Freedom is waiting for you!

    3. Hi Kathy,

      That is wonderful that you understand there is a way to evict the poison out of your cells…

      You are so right it is de / re-programming..The necessity is cleaning out the fear/pain to bring in True Self solidness.

      Working on ourself does take commitment and effort, and it takes time, however the difference is: this way (NARP) makes it happen, and in time frames that are contemporarily unheard of.

      Great you can sense the ‘way out and home’.

      Mel xo

  10. Enjoyed this, thank you. So much truth in this interview. I am going through huge changes….really getting my starting point is self love from within. I have struggled with self punishment and looking for what’s wrong with me, like someone outside has the solution for my badness. I am truly experiencing an honoring of my thoughts and feelings and a major shift from self punishment and a new acceptance of myself. I am clearly seeing how I took in to my being what other’s could not tolerate in themselves, because at least that way, we had a relationship. My options are broadening as I am trusting that I can have a relationship without compromising my values…if a man leaves me for having self respect, he is the wrong man for me. I feel stronger than I have felt in a long time.

    1. Hi Ruth,
      The growth of the self love is so amazing. I am thrilled for you. The struggle with self punishment is all too familiar to me, as is the need to be loving of the flaws n others so they feel loved. I had a “fix it,” and “rescue” way f being, making myself feel indispensable, yet rather trapped all at once.
      A relationship that honours yourself is so amazing and very attractive to your partner,too, so they tend to stay!
      I wish you all the best in your journey…the magic is waiting for you…

  11. Thank you for your response Mel. I really, really feel supported by it at a time of unexpected vulnerability.

    Please keep flying for us until we can consistently do it for ourselves!

    Jenny xo

  12. This show was so helpful! Laurie, when you talked about not being choosy after your divorce and being with someone because they wanted to be with you, I hadn’t realized before how much this describes me and how I attracted the previous narcissist – was very eye-opening for me, so thank you for sharing! It’s great to hear how well you are doing, Laurie – definitely an inspiration! I have a little girl who is almost 2 and I’ve often wondered if I would be able to trust myself to get involved with the right type of person for me and for her, so I feel very cautious. I know it’s part of my journey in trusting myself and clearing my vibration – you are definitely a success story, which can give a lot of us courage and hope. I really resonated with a lot of your story, so thank you for sharing 🙂

    1. Hi Joyce,
      I am honoured that you have been inspired by my story. It was only after my work that I looked back and realized how “un-choosy” I was. It took a lot of hits over the head before I looked back, so if my story can save you and others pain, then it was all worth it.
      Something else that gave me solace is the fact that even though I made poor choices and put my son through my journey right along with me, I also know that he has learned how to dust himself off and get back up after a fall. And he now has a much better role model for healthy relationship thankfully. He has actually told me that he now sees there are good men in the world, which encourages him to become one himself.
      So, I encourage you to keep walking your journey, Joyce, knowing that the lessons we learn are important for our babies,too. I thank you for saying my story gave you courage, but if you have an almost two year old, you have a tremendous amount of courage yourself, just by being a Mama. I wish you continued growth in your self trust as your journey unfolds.

  13. This was truly inspiring. Love how Laurie expressed herself opening and welling. My hope is to attain the same for myself soon. Certainly can identify with pleasing others before myself…it’s caused alot of despair in my life, always second guessing myself and motives. Have recently hit rock bottom in my life, cut my work back to mere minimum along with contact with others. I know that I have alarmed friend’s and family but feel it’s something I need to go through to reach the other side. I’m a little concerned about my epathy..l don’t like it, don’t like feeling this way and shutting others out of my life. I always went way above and beyond to have them in my life. I know I need to go through this but feel like I might be destroying some relationships while going through it. Previously was a workaholic, went 12 years without a vacation, but also was a spend what I earned cand and still managed a savings account. I guess I’ve made A GREAT recognition about myself, that always allowed myself to be too giving and take what was given to me in a relationship, in other words not made a decision based on my TRUE self. I know I need to heal my eptide edictions and really start working NARP. I’ve let myself become weak after numerous Narc relationships thoughout my life and the demands that I have placed on myself to survive. Let myself become a Machine rather then a person. Not proud of it, but have kind of had a break down because of it. Do experience unique grasps on my life here and there but nothing to make a huge difference. Just wish I could get out of this FUNK and resume somewhat of the life I had before and move beyond it. Any gestures or reemadies would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Hi Kathy,
      I can relate to the isolation you are feeling. I think as we begin the process of healing, we tend to want to isolate ourselves to breathe and gain some perspective. I did the same at the end of the NARC relationship. I didn’t want to be in the world. The healing changed that. So, I encourage you to start the NARP program. As I said in the radio show, I did not know how to self soothe, nor did I know how to be kind to myself. Was great at being kind to others, but the being kind to myself piece was broken.
      Something I didn’t mention in the radio show is the fact that as we grow more enlightened and good at self care through the healing process, relationships with others sometimes change. For the most part, my loving relationships improved, but I also had other people leave my life once I started to shift and set up clear boundaries. At first this was hard, but I realized it was a necessary change for my life to continue to evolve and grow in a loving way.
      Be gentle with yourself, Kathy, and try to use this alone time as healing time to work on the NARP program. Relief is waiting for you.

  14. And yes Mel, think it’s time to schedule some time with you. Can’t bere feeling so lost and out of funk any more. Have a super Family and a great group of Friends, but truly believe they have no clue what has happened to me. Half the time I think they think I’m cfrazy. I know I’m not because of your site. Have read so many things to reassure me. But still feel so broken after leaving my NARC 2 years ago. To be honest I don’t even think of him anymore. I think about how I let myself become so inthulled in his meaningless life and how I supported it. How is children took advantage of me because of my giving ways. Wedding reception’s Bridal showers. The family was truly amazed what I pulled off. Even his ex Wife came with her friends to our home for the shower, they had a great time we laughed and shared in the bride to ge great times ahead. The wedding came and went. I became nothing to these people. And I felt it. My first instinst was what did I do wrong… my second thought what is wrong with them for not acknowledging what I had done creating a fun night, a great night for the Bride to be, lovley food, spirit’s for everyone and a Cake to complete her Tuscany wedding therme. It all went perfect. But when the wedding arrived along with the recieption.. I became THE monster. Of course not with the Ex wife, she truly sympathize with me, and granted, had no clue at the time.Had no Ideal that she meekly was trying to show me signs about my troubled relationship. The monster who I was involved with. I prceeded to read and monitor your website. Then realized I was played. Not by the Mom but by the Bride. She had told me before, I would not be upset with you if you left my Dad. Unfortunately that was a long time ago before I left him.Again, it’s been 2 year’s. But truly feel he has nothing to due with what I’m going through, do feel blessed to be away from all the malupolation. NO longer feel the need to Valedagte myselt towards anyone. Just know I have a lot of work to do.

    1. Hi Kathy,

      It is so good that you are realising that there is the need to go within and do the real healing on these wounds.

      As soon as we commit and get started, we are on a path towards wellbeing.

      It’s not always easy, there are many parts of us we face to release…yet FINALLY we know we are breaking free from the ‘I just can’t do this anymore’.

      We are on a direct path to evolving ourselves.

      Kathy, I am booked out always now 8 weeks in advance, and soon that gap is going to get longer.

      You are welcome to book sessions with me if you don’t mind waiting, however I recommend to all of my clients strongly that they are on NARP, to be working on themselves daily if necessary rather than just having once a week sessions with me.

      This combination for those wanting extra support is powerful.

      Here is the link to book sessions with me.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/quanta-healing.htm

      Also on NARP you have the community forum, incredible insight and support from other NARP Members as well as Thrivers.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member/forum

      NARP and the support forum can happen immediately for you Kathy, and that’s vital to understand.

      https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/narc-abuse-recovery.htm

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  15. It’s been nearly a month since I started NARP. The relief is tremendous. I do it daily. I still have a lot of clearing out to do and i can see that progress will be made. After listening to this radio program I had an ahha moment. Reason narc places negativity on me is to clear himself. Sort of like muddy shoes on a doormat. As long as you accept negative vibrations narcs continue to give you negative stuff.

    1. Hi Raeanne,
      I’m glad the radio show gave you an aha moment…
      Yes, NARCS feed off other people because they don’t have an inner identity of their own. I have heard the term “Psychic Vampires,” used to describe them, which resonates for me. The good news is that as you keep doing the healing work (kudos to you for working so hard!), that you are no longer an attraction point for the narc.
      I wish you continued relief and magical changes in your life!

  16. Hi melanie and all other lovely Narc -free people! I’m amazed At the wonderful insights, revelations, empathy and words of strength and advice that Just seem to’ magically appear on your site, melanie, right as i need them. The universe is so timely! In fact i love the Message that referred to’ bringing that inner love wherever we Are and not having to’ ‘get’ it externally, because i am now sitting by myself in a beautiful busy italian cafe on my own, and i am fine with thisbecause i know that unlike before when i was with narc and similar friends at a dinner out, i had bouts of lonliness anyway. Now i enjoy & am strengthed by my own company as part of healing. Again, I am truly amazed by the uncanny timing of your articles! I think that once the toxic narcs Are out of our life, our intuitve Spirit is free to’ Work With us and helps us , as exemplified by your fabulous site! Love it! Much much gratitude to’ you and everyone else contributing their experiences xoxi

  17. the series of events how true , way to many things over 34 years! When my ex told me I was lazy and he did very thing but then I took inventory of my life and realized I not a bad person it’s some of the people in my life that are bad for me!

  18. I am wondering Laurie… during your recovery did you find yourself having some good days and some not so good days? Some days I wake up angry until I NARP it out of me. Also, did you find that the smallest things Narc would say upset you? The more I see… the more I feel everything he does is narc-y. They have so many subtle tricks many times cloaked in “nice” when really they are self serving.

    1. Hi Raeanne,
      Yes, there were ups and downs, particularly at the beginning of the NARP program when I started to feel relief and all I wanted to do was spend time releasing. I had to parent and carry on with normal life, and u was impatient to get the work done and feel better. So yes, I remember having a shorter fuse than usual at first, but the more work I did and the more layers I peeled back, the more and more peace I felt, until the pain was a memory I could only remember and not conjure as a feeling.
      Same is true with the anger toward the narc. One of the modules has you write a letter to the narc and I remember raging internally that day at all the things I now saw. But once again, releasing meant an end to all of those feelings and I actually send him light and thanks now because my experience with him sparked the major change in my life.
      Hoping this helps.

  19. Mel
    Wow thank you after being in a 39 year relationship the last 2 were after his death . I was a waste land unable to take care of myself on any level . I found the NARP program not even knowing that I had been N abused . I have been doing module 1 for a week and setting boundaries and the self acceptance came to me from the very first time . I have been able to have coffee in a public place which is huge for me so again thank you for showing me that I have a wonderful life loving my true self

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *