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I know that a lot of you in the Empowered Life and Love Community have asked me to talk more about energy and Law of Attraction and how this works in our life.

A lot of people who haven’t looked deep enough into Law of Attraction believe that by affirming, staying positive and simply focusing on what we want creates results in our life.

I certainly do not subscribe to this. Β I believe that to become a match for what we really want in life takes a lot more than just simply β€˜focusing on it’.

And it starts with our emotions…

It is our emotional self that creates the realities in our life and it is this part of us which is connected to life because it paints the way we experience the world. Our perception of ourself and others is always being shaped by what we feel on the inside.

The further we grow into spiritual beings the more aware we become of the connection between ourself and everything in our experience, the more we realise that everything is connected.

This allows us to shift our thinking from being a victim of what is happening β€˜out there’, to an evolved perception which states β€œeverything that is happening in my life is a direct relationship to what is going on inside of me.”

This gives us the power to work with and understanding our emotions, and our emotional intentions in life.

 

What Are Emotions?

So what causes our emotions, and really what are they? Firstly emotions are felt in our body – they are not thoughts.

Emotions occur within us, they are literal sensations that we feel. They come up into our awareness from our Emotional Body / Subconscious.

There are two distinct feelings we can generate.

1) Ones from our already existing belief systems, (limited self) and

2) Ones from a source of inspiration (expansive self)

This article will focus on the emotions which occur from our limited self and the next article will cover emotions that arise from our expansive self.

I woud like to talk about what happens when you experience an event and receive a β€˜trigger’.

What is really interesting is that you may experience a particular painful emotion, whereas another person viewing this event may not experience this emotion at all.

In fact you may have 20 different people having completely different reactions to the same event.

The reason is because the event in itself has no meaning – it is the emotional response that a person has to it that gives it personal meaning.

Fascinatingly science has now proven your subconscious (monitored as a body reaction) responds just before your brain lights up and processes the information of β€˜the event’.

What this means is you feel it before you think it.

It is NOT you think it and then feel it.

According to Dr. Hew Len a master of Ho’oponopono (and ancient Hawaiian Healing System) there are millions of bits of information that we process, yet our conscious minds only deals with about 20 of them.

So what this means is that what is really going on for us in life is barely logical. In fact our minds have a very small grasp on reality.

What is really taking place is happening at a much deeper emotional level.

 

What Are Emotional Triggers?

We all know what a β€˜trigger’ feels like.

It is a sudden reaction that can feel like it came out of nowhere.

So why did you have a particular response to a certain event whereas another person didn’t?

Why do certain things trigger pain or fear or self-doubt, or resistance, or certain β€˜less than’ feelings?

The reason is because your subconscious reacts to an event by β€˜association’, and these associations may be very complicated, varied and seemingly random.

Your logical mind attempts to find the reasons as to β€˜why’ that event triggered you and looks to the ‘outside’. The reality is that your logical mind invariably gets it wrong, because the logical mind is limited and cannot understand or put a label on something that is happening at a much deeper level.

Your β€˜trigger’ is an internal β€˜story’ and painful belief in your subconscious that has not been healed. The outside event by association triggered this inner wound (that was always there) and an emotion arose from your subconscious into your consciousness.

This is what is meant by the expression β€˜stuff coming up’.

Whilst this unconscious painful belief was lying dormant (in between being triggered) it was easy to ignore, but when it came up you felt it painfully as an emotion in your body.

Then your mind grabbed hold of it – without you even realising, looked to ‘the outside’ and created a β€˜story’ about it – usually very aligned with the original old wound, and started to think in ways that added to the pain, cause you to defend, constrict, fear, lose confidence, feel unsafe or unhealthily react.

It is your mind which makes the decisions in regard to how you react – but it is incredibly important to understand this – your mind follows the inner painful program.

This is where the vicious loop gets set up, when your brain neurons fire off electrical signals to your hypothalamus and a painful and fearful peptide is manufactured and is then distributed throughout your body. This serves to reinforce the already existing painful belief.

 

What We Can Learn From Our Emotional Triggers

I believe that the most common area that emotional triggers present themselves is within intimate and close relationships.

Someone you love says or does a certain thing in a certain way and you get triggered. The truth is this person may not have been seeking to hurt your purposely, they may simply be being themself.

What we all must come to accept is that this person is not the culprit of your powerful and painful emotion (even though we may think they are).

The reason why we got triggered is that there was something unresolved within us that was lying dormant until this event.

It’s very interesting that a certain person (or people) can trigger us so much. It is generally the people we get the closest to, or spend a great deal of time with such as a love partner, family member, best friend or co-worker.

When we realise that our soul’s purpose is to heal, and to clear ourselves from our subconscious painful and limiting beliefs, we can accept the perfection of attracting people into our life who are going to trigger us.

How else would your subconscious wounds become consciously known to you?

How else would you be aware that you need to take responsibility for them, claim them and heal them?

One thing is for sure, is that trying to manage and control the people around you to not set off your triggers is not your answer. They are your triggers, your wounds and you are 100% responsible for them.

Personal emotional responsibility goes like this: If you have a problem with someone – that is your emotional responsibility. If someone has a problem with you – that is their responsibility. Please understand I am talking about situations where people are operating in integrity.

If someone is trying to manipulate, deceive, one-up or harm another person then that person is the one with the problem and absolutely is going to procure a very poor reaction when using this energy with others. Therefore I am not asking you to put up with and stay attached to abuse or unacceptable (such as narcissistic) behaviour.

What it does mean is if people are operating in integrity (no intention of being maliscious / deceptive / non-authentic) and trigger you, it does not matter how much people adapt to try to not set off your triggers – your unhealed wounds will always remain and keep attracting people who deliver them until you heal them.

In fact your unhealed wounds, are always going to find a way to express themselves to you because they are painful inner parts which need your attention.

This is why we need to understand if we don’t go much deeper than our logical mind we may leave situation after situation yet still keep meeting the identical triggers regardless of what future relationships we procure.

By accepting that everythingΒ  you are experiencing is a result of what is going on inside of you, you can see that all of the significant relationships which trigger you are incredible gifts to clean up your pain and move forward.

In the next Empowered Life and Love article I will talk about the feelings that we experience from a source of inspiration (our expanded self).

Please let me know what you thought of this article and if you would like to learn more about emotional mastery and law of attraction in the comments below.

 

 

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79 thoughts on “What Are Our Painful Emotions Telling Us?

  1. hi Mel. This week has been an incredible week of testing. I got a legal long letter from ‘x’, that he is coming after me for money, when it is he that is negligent on support payments…trying to intimidate and bully me. He waited to do this when I ran out of funds and let my lawyer go. I also got a part time job at a real estate office, and am looking at being a realtor so I can pay the bills for me and my daughter. This is a huge trigger since my heart and soul are that I am an artist, ‘x’ is a realtor himself, so it is a business I helped him build and I know it, so it makes sense for the financial part of my life, to do this. I spent ten years helping him build a six figure business, and now he refuses to work so he does not have to pay support. I have sold many paintings, and if I could afford the time, I would really give it a go, full time. I am working at taking responsibility for my decisions, and not being a victim, and I see this is a test. Fighting him in court without a lawyer, and doing a job I don’t really love are two realities I am grappling with. I notice, I am stronger and more stable than a year ago, it is not taking me out, like it once did. I appreciate any wisdom you may have, and realize it is I who must make my decisions. Thank you!

    1. Hi Ruth,

      Ok so my first question to you is – are you working NARP? The reason is because unless you are able to address and heal your triggers you are going to remain in fear and pain (which of course is ‘normal’)…and what this means is that whatever action you try to take in this circumstance is going to come from fear and pain (some form of powerlessness) rather than from a firm inner energy of ‘powerful’…

      We don’t procure healthy results when pain and fear is the emotion (Law of Attraction) that we feel on an inner level. The people on NARP who work determinedly (especially with Module 4 and 8) when dealing with narcissists are the ones where things start falling into place for them – but it MUST come off solid and firm emotional inner states to have a positive result.

      Then the ‘answer’ comes, then you attract every circumstance you need, and then the tactics that the narcissist is trying to use fall flat. Your true power is WITHIN πŸ™‚

      This is why it is so important to stay out of our head (more pain and fear peptides being manufactued) and go to the internal trigger and do the inner work on it (QFH in NARP being a very powerful tool) before taking any action.

      When people working NARP email me and ask ‘what to do’ my answer is always the same thing – ‘take that pain / fear to a Module FIRST and FOREMOST…then you will have the path, space and soul support of ‘what to do’…’

      If we don’t go within – truly we go without – that is just a Law of Energey.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

      1. ive downloaded it twice, and forgot to save it so it has disappeared from my computer….then I got caught up in how I am going to pay the rent, then the lawyer letter came…blah blah blah….:) my ‘x’ is using the bipolar card to get out of everything, which I think he has as well…and I don’t know yet if i need to cut bait or if i need to fight him. i have been looking for work for months, and this job came up in real estate….all other doors have remained closed….so i thought this was my answer. My inner voice is protesting, feeling like I have lost again….’but’ the bills need to be paid! it is quite a conflict.

          1. i just found the link again and I am able to download the program again. Thanks, I am getting back on track…i need to not abandon myself. Thank you for being so supportive. So grateful for you.

          2. Hi Ruth,

            I am so glad you have the Modules now. Please now that you have started NARP email me direct for support and help if necessary, and lets get you ‘solid’ on the inside…that needs to be your highest priority.

            The illusion is we need ‘something to change from the outside’ to gain this solidness – yet the truth is when we shift and ‘become it’ – then the outside changes with us.

            You are so welcome Ruth.

            Mel xo

  2. Melanie, thank you so much for a very powerful, yet so articulately written and easy to understand article.
    I love how you made the connection between being narcissistically abused and the law of attraction.
    I’ve been wondering about that. It’s like we already know it but it’s buried deep inside. You have a way to bring it up to the surface.
    I’m really looking forward to the next article while reading and re-reading this one.
    Than you.

    1. Hi Tony,

      you are very welcome πŸ™‚

      It is important to understand – everything that does happen ‘on the outer’ is absolutely produced by an internal program – including being narcissistically abused.

      However every relationship in order to be healthy requires ‘showing up authentically’..that is the only place where true initmacy, trust, connection and real depth of love occurs.

      When we know we have to be that to ourself FIRST, we understand that we do need to take responsibility for healing our triggers (even if they are ‘abuse’ triggers) , but in no shape or form does being authentic to ourself mean staying with someone who is not showing up authentically (using pathological tactics to harm or diminish others)and taking the responsibility and blame for their behaviour.

      It means we need to move away and ‘leave them to it’, and totally be true to self – which means doing the determined work on self to find out and heal – ‘what unhealed old stories are there within me that attracted and allowed myself to endure this abuse’?

      Once healing these parts then we can be a match for someone else who will show up authetically in life and love.

      Water seeks its own level – always.

      Thank you for your post πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

  3. Thanks , it’s interesting to contuine with these little help topics… i guess i was getting used to having the weekly pick me up, even though you have the books for us…. it’s like checking in with mum for a coffee and chat… you keep me on the road and offer me little bits of extra stuff to get me along the main road! you have no idea how comforting it is to have you there…even though i don’t physically see you!! thanks hugs

  4. Amazingly each time I open my email to find one of your articles, it never fails to resonate with whatever I am experiencing at the moment. Just today, the “triggers” were so strong that I know there’s no denying there is a definite psychic cord that runs between the victim and the narcissist. It isn’t until we open the door and begin doing the research that we are horrified to discover there is a name for what we have gone through and we are not alone. Many thanks and blessings to you. You have helped make sense out of chaos, confusion and soul rape.

  5. Hi Casey,

    So often I say how much I love the synchroniscity that the Universe plays out! It is truly magical…and totally confirmation that life supports and loves us!

    Hun, go within and work on healing your unhealed parts – that is the true way you will sever all connections and be free – it is the only authentic way you will be.

    Then you will be astounded at how much True Self, personal growth and evolution you will gain – and how incredible that will feel.

    All of this happened for a reason, so that you could do this πŸ™‚

    Mel xo

  6. I was thinking along these thoughts today, before I read your post. I am now seeing all of the “commonalities” the men in my life have had (starting with my grandfather and father) and see that I keep re-attracting the same person. Each time it seems to get deeper and I am becoming much more aware of who I am, what I will accept/not accept, and why these behaviors bother me. I’m learning to accept people more. I’m learning to “let go” better. However, it is a process and I am no where near where I need to be. I am feeling happier, but I still feel twinges of pain, some days more than others. I go back and forth feeling powerful that I can live my life not wondering what he’s up to, who he’s with or if he’s thinking of me and in the time span of a few hours be in tears missing him more than anything. This is a very painful process. However, I do feel as though I’m a different person emerging.

    1. Hello DeDe, I couldn’t help but respond to your post. I can very much identify with you. One moment you can feel hopeful, at peace and certain you have made the right decision to walk away and within minutes it can all change….the wondering, the yearning, and feeling forgotten. Cognitively there’s no logic in looking back, but the heart has a long memory. There’s a tug of war at times, between our rational mind and our heart. Each day for over eight months I have made a decision that I have to love me more than I ever loved him. No contact has saved my life. As much as it hurts to miss them and wonder what their lives are like, it can’t compare to the hurt that has no chance of healing if we keep the door open. DeDe, you are not alone.

      1. Truly Casey and DeDe,

        have you looked at NARP, that is the direct path to get out of the battle between the head and the subconscious…and then you can start moving out of the circular pain.

        It get a little tough for me sitting back watching people doing that when I know they don’t have to!

        Listen to last week’s show and take the time to read the testimonies with the link to the right of the blog (and feel in to them…) – and you will know what you can expect if you take that direct healing path πŸ™‚

        Mel xo

  7. Hi DeDe,

    That is great that you are making the connection and seeing that the painful feelings are coming up us internal patterns.

    Please understand if you are trying to work through this cognitively it is not nearly as powerful as using deep processes that can directly allow you to find, claim and transform these inner wounds at the subconscious level.

    Trying to heal them and work with them intellectually is the long and hard way around that requires great determination and effort, rather than simply transforming them directly.

    Recovery does not need to be a long, painful drawn out process – it can be powerful and much easier.

    Have you listened to this week’s radio show? – (last blog article before this one).

    Mel xo

  8. thank you for this insightful article. Reading through the lines gave me such comfort and relieve from what I am going through.I keep blaming my husband for what I am feeling,but now you opened my eyes and made me look inside and try to find that thing that is eating me and ruining my relationship.I certainly need more information about our buried painful emotions and how to identify them in order to get rid of them.

    1. Hi Dona,

      I am so glad you are feeling some relief and understanding about what is going on.

      Have you listened to my YouTube videos? http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeoxHYnKu6R7YdWwyRqhz1bmUU5t_tBbB They will help you understand more about what is going on ‘inside’ and how we can address this at the subconscious level.

      This is great that you are getting some answers – because intuitively we know deep inside the truth does set us free – and at long last there are solutions – we can do something about the patterns in our life! πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

  9. Hey Melanie,

    I sure do miss the articles…two things, i passed an important exam that i failed while living with the narcissist. Second thing, my ex narcissist lost his brother and called me up for support. Being aware saved me and i was able to identify when he was attempting to gaslight or project his feelings on me.

    My trigger was when i went to a fundraising to help raise money for his brothers funeral…I gave 25 dollars but looked around and saw that everybody had given 100 dollars. I felt embarrassed and pledged to give 75 dollars to not “feel odd”. Now you know how narcissists are, he came back demanding for 75 dollars, forgot how supportive i was when he was shocked about his brothers death. I point blankly declared that i wont pay the 75 dollars because he owed me money in the past…Am doing no contact. Its sad that these personalities never learn even when they lose people to death………….

    Am going back to No Contact but i learned about my unhealed wound of wanting to be like everyone else to feel Ok, instead of just being me…..

    I miss you, but thanks for all you do Melanie,

    hugs

    Rachel

  10. Hi Rachel,

    I’m not sure what you mean ‘miss the articles’ because I am always doing new ones on the blog…

    That is great that you realised not to allow yourself to be hoovered.

    Great realisation about where you trigger was coming from…yes it is sad with narcs, but whilst narcissism means upholding a False Self and having no inner True Self resources to let it go to meet and deal with unhealed inner wounds – they will not and truly can’t learn.

    And this is where I am confused – I am here Rachel – there is no need to miss me! Can you clarify what you mean? πŸ™‚

    Are you subscribed to New Life as well, as that community has more regular emails than this one. You can see all the articles that are weekly on the blog posts.

    Mel xo

  11. Melanie,
    You have been so helpful for me over the last two months. I split with a boyfriend after 4 1/2 years. I knew something was not right and healthy in our relationship. I struggled with trying to understand what was happening to me and myself and why he said and did the things he did. It wasn’t until after we split that someone he had met told me that he is a classic narcissist. She is a therapist. I had heard the word before but did not know what it entailed or meant. One day I was ready to go back to him and I sent her a text instead pleading for help in finding a therapist that could assist me from an understanding of narcissistic abuse. She sent me over a few of your pdf’s and saved me that day.

    I have not found one in my area. I struggle with no contact. He is relentless and apparently I am weak. I do not want to be with him but I will not call the police at this point. I have a friend visiting from France that we both met on a trip together. I am triggered all day with the awful projections from him. I am honest and forthright with my feelings. Do they ever hear what you are saying or truly is it a waste of my breathe to try to explain to him anything relating to a relationship.

    Thank you

    1. Hi Donna, no, they don’t truly hear what you say. and if they do, it is only to garner ammunition to use against you. No Contact is your savior, I promise you. If you have no contact, then you can have the emotional and personal space to release the pain and move forward. It took me 2-3 times to finally get no contact solidly in place and it’s been 6 weeks solid now. I had to realize that I was dealing with a narc before I understood how crucial No Contact is. Blessings to you!

      1. Hi Grace,

        that is so wonderful that you have No Contact firmly in place.

        Fantastic! Congratulations πŸ™‚

        Now the healing and your real, glorious life can be created!

        Be very proud of you…

        Mel xo

  12. Hi Donna,

    I am so glad my material has helped you, and you now know what you are dealing with.

    Truly when you commit to healing you, you will get the strength…because you will change on the inside the parts of you that are still hooked in. That’s where true recovery occurs and the pain, addiction and obsession ends.

    The more you understand about narcissism (and heal you), yes you will totally ‘get’ that you are wasting your time – you are not dealing with a normal human being who ‘gets it’ – you are dealing with a pathological False Self who simply can’t.

    Mel xo

  13. Hi Mel and lovely friends here,
    This article seems to be hitting a few triggers Melanie!
    Lol, so good to be present with them instead of trying to lock them in the spare room!
    One thing I am learning, is the importance of welcoming the painful feelings with love and acceptance. They are after all fragile, real, authentic, honest. How easy by comparison it is to have empathy for the feelings of others and respond with gentle and loving heart.
    Yet sometimes with ourselves, we get angry or critical; judgmental…tell ourselves off, tell ourselves how hopeless we are and reject our own hearts!
    Even though I know this and feel I have learnt it the hard way; when certain painful triggers come up I still go into shut down , telling off self mode!,
    Recently reading about the reasons we choose our parents before we come here to Earth, choose adoption, parental abandonment in Your Souls Plan recently.
    Hit by a bus. what do I do but lock my Kindle reader in the spare room where it remains.!
    Very Angry with my Kindle Reader!
    Thought I was all ok with this.
    Me says to me, when are you going to stop and get over this, I thought you had, whatever is your problem.
    Do I have to let the Kindle reader out of the spare room?

    Mel, the show you did back in Oct 2012 called Which Comes First, Emotions or Logic, is a Gift from you , so totally the best source of self management and deepest insight into Emotions. Luckily I have it on my I Tunes so no need to go into the spare room just yet .
    Is there?
    I will listen to that , then decide how to deal with the Kindle.
    Love and Angel Blessings ,
    Val xxx

    1. HI darling Val,.

      Wow I didn’t ready your post before I answered Dawn’s above.

      What a synchroniscity! I would love to suggest to you my love what I suggested to Dawn with your goal setting MP3 in NARP.

      I would love to hear your results, because truly a shift at that level in your unconscious is so powerful – it is life-changing.

      The gorgeous affirmation that goes with that shift is ‘I love, accept and approve of myself’…it brings more beautiful feelings after the shift!

      Love you!

      Mel xo

    2. Hi dear Val, I totally am with you here and I do know after our conversation that we both must find a way to conquer our ‘undesirable outside negative energy’ that is giving us headaches, lol! I don’t usually get headaches πŸ™‚ Maybe we because our problem is so identical, we may be transferring the energy to each other making it bigger? It is a difficult one and a challenge, but we will shift through it. Being honest with ourselves is the only way and not abusing ourselves when we ‘trip over’ occasionally is needed. I have dirt on my face for all the times I have tripped lately, but I will never stay down on the ground (unless it is to lye on the lovely cool grass soaking up the beautiful warmth of the sun).

      What is a Kindle reader? Is that a ‘Kindle Tablet?’

      The show on What comes first, our emotions or logic’ is a great show and I have listened to that a couple of times. The incident with my ‘kitty visitor’ showed me the gift there, where I was listening to logic over what my gut was telling me, so I attracted bad karma. It turns out now though, through listening to my instincts and emotions I enjoy her as a visitor but not fighting it with what I want ‘the illusion’ which is more desirable.
      Illusions are more desirable and I feel that is why many of us go toward them to avoid the reality of what we need to embrace. It is just easier.

      So as Spock said, “Your human emotions are not logical” haha! love him πŸ™‚

      So dear lady, stay with me on this journey and we will draw on that energy that is ours to claim. Love to you xxx

  14. Hello melanie
    as so many times, thisn article came just in time….iam certain i have discovered my inner wounds(my mother could’nt accept the fact that i was a girl, she narc thaught that only a son could make her full) all my live i tried to be a good son and i sabotaged my live as a woman by having only narc abusive relationships)
    I thaught this knowledge ans the pain i had to go trough would be enough to heal me…..
    but I keep attracting people who trigger my inner wounds (I am 67 and am on datingsites to find finally an healthy relationship….,but it seems it is not enough…..
    always the pain to be rejected…..
    what have i to do to make it really work
    I like to thank you for everything….I dont no what would have happended to me without you
    rita

    1. Hi Rita,

      Thank you for your share – and the fantastic thing is you have found ‘the wound’ the real reason as to why your life has played out as it has.

      The truth is that whilst you are trying to date knowing this wound still exists it is important to realise life is not a random event – water seeks its own level – and the old program will play out.

      This is why it needs to be healed and transformed.

      My absolute recommendation is to do the deeper work directly on your subconscious to heal this old program (and the ones that will be connected to it).

      NARP does this specifically and directly, teaches you how to access these inner programs and shift them – and you could use the Progam to not only heal the wounds with narcissistic partners, but also the original wound with your mother – then you can be free of this pattern in your life.

      You are so welcome, and I am so pleased you are finding your way. Hugs!

      Mel xo

  15. Hi Mel, Great article! I was introduced to Ho’oponopono (clean, clean, clean) by a therapist in Mexico when she advisd me to get out of my relationship with my N. Taking 100% personal responsiblity in what is it within me that has creaed this.

    Maybe by giving some real life examples to readers would help us understand better. Sometimes examples resonate with us and we “get it”. I think the crazy behaviors and situations with N have triggers igniting within us almost constantly when you are in that kind of relationship. N seem to purposely do things to stay in control. So maybe some random examples step by step would drive the point home.

    1. Hi Randy,

      yes I love Ho’oponopono too. I have been using it quite a bit lately in my life as a wonderful connection to reverence and life…I love combining it with QFH on specific programs, triggers, and details..

      They combine beautifully, as it really is about taking 100% responsibility and cleaning ourself out of old programs, pain and fear to be the most authentic and loving vibration we can be for ourself, others and life.

      Absolutely Randy it is very true that being with narcissists is constant triggers, because it is abuse. Our soul senses that it is maliscious, it is designed to reduce, take and harm, and it is not the truth of our Soul. So yes it does send off huge warning signs, pain and fear.

      What keeps us hooked in is ALWAYS the parts of us that are not a source to ourself – and believe as per old programs ‘love equals abuse’ ‘If I honour me you will reject, abandon and punish me’..and ‘If I am really myself you will reject me’…

      These parts of ourself led to the confusion, the handing over of our inner power, and these are the parts that end up taking responsibility for ‘it must be my fault’ when the narcissist projects the behaviour on to us – and are the parts that get gas-lighted, confused and deranged whilst living in the war-zone.

      The incredible irony is that these parts of us are an IDENTICAL match to the narcissist’s inner wounds – and hence creates the ‘marriage’ of the narcissist – co-dependent.

      The only difference is ABSOLUTELY we have been self-avoiding and not taking responsibility for healing our inner wounds (just like a narcissist does) but we did not choose a pathological False Self to operate through and did not completely submerge and destroy our True Self with this replacement.

      What this means is we CAN claim our True Self be with it, work through our painful inner programs and heal them and recover and claim authentic power – whereas narcissists have no True Self left to do this with, and know that if they let go of the False Self (the replacement) that the inner wounds will annihilate them.

      So what I am trying to say is I could grant you logical example after logical example – but the truth is only ‘you’ and your inner self know your reasons as to what you inner programs are, why they got set up in your childhood and previous relationships as to why you were a match for a narcissist, and why you were confused as to ‘what is mine’ and ‘what is yours’…

      It isn’t until you feel into every event that you still have pain / confusion on – (make a list and start with the ‘biggest’) and deeply feel into the pain with your sessions in NARP and start clearing them by making it ‘all about my unhealed programs’ that you will get your answers, shifts, transformations and the relief of healing these old programs.

      This is not a cognitive example job, it is a deep Know Thyself ‘going within’ job. Then you will have your true answers and healing.

      When you really open up to ‘what is this within me’ and keep going into the pain and opening up to it – you will get the memories, you will get the direct answers from you inner self – and you will make the connections with 100% accuracy. Trust yourself…

      And you WILL have the direct access to embrace them and shift them up and out with the QFH process. All you have to do is follow my voice in the MP3…and it happens…

      Mel xo

  16. Rebirth means you recognize yourself as a child of God/ess and you drop the story of what the biological parents didn’t do right or what they did not provide and how we are a product of that. In many ways coming to Earth is like showing up at a site that needs reconstruction, restoration, rehabilitation, renovation. Just like a rundown house that needs fixing up and tearing down in some places. We don’t want to become the areas we are called to do work on. We don’t need to become the rotting wood or the broken window, if that was the shape it was in upon arrival, but because we can’t avoid the early conditionings and imprints from all our exposure to it, it becomes hard to see ourselves outside of it.

    If we can see it through the eyes of our divine nature, it can allow us more wisdom in how we tackle the problem because after exposure, we know what was lacking and what the missing pieces are. We get to bring all that forth, even though it takes great strength. It is all too easy to forget and sink into the damage and fall apart – but it is time to remember that we came to change it by being senior to the forces that have broken it down, by doing maintenance work rather than enabling and contributing to the destruction because we take it too personally or we are lost in the shadow and all the symptoms that result from neglect or years of allowing forces to degenerate the temple and the soul that dwells within.

    Our parents and all that is wrong in the world, represent the work that we need to do within, to heal the ancestral lines and to rise above global deficiencies and negative archetypal imprints. We are not their children in the way we are children of Source and Mother Earth ~ Identifying more with this, is where we regenerate, find release and liberation. The story of where we came from is our mission to enlighten, not stay victims to the programmings or short-comings. We do not need to be the inheritors of their patterns and afflictions or societies. WE came to set them free and ourselves free.

    With so much technology used to control the way things play out, it is important to set ones attention on having it catalyze the most profound awakening of our spiritual abilities so one can feed it back a much higher vibration then what it is throwing our way – just like how what we were born into, needs our higher frequency to change the vibration of the family tribe.

    If we don’t fill the physical experience with depth, meaning and purpose, it is like a civilization making technological advancements without spiritual growth. We cannot repeat these patterns or have them play out to the point of being in fear or imbalance where the quest for instant gratification and service to self pleasures becomes more important than connecting fully to our higher selves. Religion was set up to be rebelled against or to control those who fall into its web, both behaviors miss the mark and we lose connection with the energies that they have mimicked and distorted, when really they are sacred.

    Part of the manipulation in our early history had to do with us staying locked into our lower self, where we are just unconscious to the fact that it is the very thing that enslaves us. We need to dig all the way to the light of Source that dwells within. To truly restore, one has to find balance from merging free-will with cosmic law while being willing to do the construction work as architects of heaven on earth. One also has to be willing to transmute and integrate the fragmented and programmed aspects, so the true nature and divine blueprint, can step forward within All.

    1. Andrew, Namaste.
      Thank you for sharing your Light and Love with us here. The truth , beauty and powerful analogies brought tears to my eyes. I shall carry some of those sentences and images with me always.
      Truly, the story of where we came from is our mission to enlighten as you said.
      My experience is that sometimes when events cast shadows or darkness , it is possible to remember what it feels like to be that broken window and forget we are here to repair it, to grant it it’s truth and whole ness .again.
      I feel that may be part of our purpose here on Earth also….knowing ourselves to be both the house /window in need of repair and the restorer; that we can bring Light and beauty to this House, a place of peace and comfort for all .
      This is the challenging work and responsibility you refer to of merging Heaven and Earth. Inner and outer peace.
      We are all both the broken window and the window healer; True Lightworkers!
      Thank you Andrew.
      Blessings be with you.

      1. Hi Val, melanie , all,
        I don’t want to take any credit for what I wrote, I should have said that I found it on a face book site that celebrates the divine feminine . It defines what I have been working towards and I just felt compelled to share it because sometimes we just need reminding of what we already know. I am quite a spiritual person , but I am interested in clinically therapeutic stuff, philosophical,and esoteric methods of healing like shamanism and sound healing etc so I like to look at all perspectives.I really want to live in my heart , but I know I have to master myself to a certain extent on the mental level first which is why I think I was drawn to the quanta freedom work.
        blessings be with you all too πŸ™‚
        Andrew

    2. Hi Andrew,

      I totally agree that the Earth school is an incredible platform of transformation – and that transformation can only ever occur ‘from within’.

      This is where new awareness is coming forth – that of our divine nature and our authentic power – the necessity to become the change we wish to see in the world – and know that if we all took this personal responsibility instead of keeping focused on ‘the outside’ and trying to change that – that the earth would evolve overnight.

      Thank you for your lovely share – and you are 100% right, the change that is required is a shift in consciousness.

      The glorious thing is that we are in a time that is not only demanding that of us – this shift of consciousness is indeed spreading like wildfire – as more and more people are embracing it..

      And that is exciting and so beautiful! It is a glorious time to be alive πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

    3. You have put this so well. THANKYOU very much. It is how I feel about this crazy life, the healing of past programs.

      1. Hi Bec,

        I’m glad it has simplified this for you.

        And truly it is a simple system – life reflects back to us ‘ourself’ as according to our past programs…there is only one place to make any changes and that is within…

        Mel xo

  17. This makes so much sense. I was triggered yesterday by an accidental kick to the face (from my four year old) that split my lip. He was really upset about it but wouldn’t apologize and because I was triggered my mind made up a story that he was so ashamed about what had happened that he was going to turn out to be a narcissist like my mother. I was almost unable to control myself at all emotionally all day and then my son started asking to see my Narcissistic Mother (which really didn’t help my state), until I finally just did half a NARP session (the next one was number 9) while I was making dinner (peeling eggs with my eyes closed and my iPod on) and then I felt a whole lot better. Even though that’s my third session this week I really needed it. Everytime I think I’m clear, more stuff seems to come up. I guess this will take a while. I’ll just have to keep working on it. The weird thing that happened after that was that my hip, which has been tight and painful for 21 years, release – it was so unreal! What a relief! It’s so interesting how all the stuff you are teaching me is playing out in unexpected ways. I love it. Thank you. One day I will be the mother I always wanted.

    1. Hi Nadine,

      thank you for your honest and wonderful share.

      This is wonderful that you are working with NARP determinedly. And yes, absolutely when we are healing old programs it is about ‘going for the ride’…as we clear stuff, it makes room for the stuff underneath to come up..

      Don’t fall into the trap of thinking ‘I’m right now’…because truly that is not your goal!

      Your goal is to love this journey of knowing we all have heaps of ‘stuff’ (we are all perfectly imperfect) and that this journey is about loving that it can come up and we get the opportunity to shift it, transform it and free ourselves piece by piece even more..

      And every time we do – we get to improve even more of our inner self, and we get to connect with life, joy and living in even more authentic ways…it is a glorious journey!

      So PLEASE don’t think you are clear! Welcome triggers, welcome stuff coming up – because the more you shift, the more you work on yourself – the more and more you will feel incredible and life around you will reflect back to you the newly created ‘state’ of your inner!

      Lovely you are getting physical relief – so many people report this from the healings – (Galeet in last week’s show had miraculous physical relief from her symptoms as well as incredible weight loss…)

      It is so true our physical is all to do with unhealed programs and inner stress, and when we release, we do transform back to emotional and physical wellbeing – it is all connected.

      Nadine I would really like (as per your last sentence) you to do a healing directly on ‘Your guilt as a mother’ – the pain of that and release it (Use Module 1)- and what you will find is a whole heap of your mother’s stuff in there when you release it…

      Then you will see a massive difference with your darling boy..he will reflect back to you this new authentic state you have within yourself.

      Mel xo

      1. Dear Mel,

        Thanks so much for your suggestion. I did the Module 1 with “My Guilt as a Mother” today and some really painful stuff did come up – some of which I couldn’t tell if it was mine or my mother’s or both. I felt like I really ‘got it’ at the end with the goal but then about an hour later (maybe less) I sunk into a deep despair.

        Perhaps I should try again tomorrow or would it be better to slow down a bit? I have done 5 Modules in 6 days. Is this possibly the cause of the depression? Am I going so fast so it’s coming up faster for me? My self-care hasn’t been top-notch, as I haven’t been to yoga in a while (my favourite teacher stopped teaching my class) and all my neighbourhood friends with kids have been sick with nasty bugs for awhile, so meaningful social opportunities have been few. Winter is really dragging on here in Canada and I’m so fed up of being stuck in the house with the kids but they really fight me when I try to take them out.

        I was also wondering if it could be a boundary issue, like a leaky boat?

        1. Hi Nadine,

          you are so welcome…That is great you did the shift with guilt…and you are right it would have been both yours and your Mum’s as well as generational – Mother guilt is a big one for most Mums…very Universal in our DNA.

          Ok what would have happened here is you shifted that – but something else hit…and this is what we have to remember – when we get hit with depression – to feel in and say ‘what is this about?’…even just identifying it if you can’t get to a module and writing about it in your journal starts to providee releif – knowing you can get to it afterwards in a session and release it.

          It is the staying with the pain and trying to intelectualise it – which always leads to resistance – outer seeking and greater painful peptide addiction (powerlessness) that gets us into hot water..

          Whenever we just say ‘I am 100% responsible for this emotion, what is it within me that is causing it?’..and deeply feel in to willingly without fear or resistance – that we get our answer…the ‘old’ way is self-avoidance…(and boy weren’t we all conditioned as human beings to do that!)

          Ok re the healings – the energetic truth is you can’t overdo them – because you are releasing old programs to be more and more of your true self (natural) function…however the real life truth is we still need to the balance of engaging in life and self-care as well.

          By being in theta brainwave for extended periods of time it is important to make sure you eat healthily, drink water and magnesium can be a good supplement to take as well.

          No the healings are not the cause of your depression, a painful belief that has surfaced and is ‘pawing at you’ for your attention is causing the pain…

          This is how the healing journey unfolds – is once you start shifting your subconscious determinedly in order to break free, you Soul knows you want to heal and works in directly with you. What this means is it will ‘bring up’ what needs to be released next and keep providing this information for you (in the way of ‘pain’).

          We need to get used to this and welcome it. When I am in deep healing spaces and creating breakthroughs I ask my soul / guides / teachers to bring forth for me the resistance that needs to go…and it is incredibly how much piles of stuff I can get in to the healing matrix as heavy, heavy pain and limiting beliefs. They are so BIG I embrace them and feel them powerfully to the point of gut-wrenching sobbing – and then release them to an incredible bliss and freedom within minutes that breaks me free to a whole new level.

          And after these expereinces I KNOW I am shifted. I am just not the same person on those particular topics that I was minutes earlier, and never will be again.

          When we have spent years of self-avoiding and surviving with our pain this is quite an incredible liberation – but to partake in it means we can no longer resist ‘what hurts’, no longer distract ourself and we need to meet it head on if we want the best results…

          Healing deep inner programs in our DNA does not need to take decades or lifetimes – it is about our willingness to meet our inner with full embracing, responsibility and openness..and know if something is ‘hurting’ it is a part of our subconscious programming that is flawed (we all have these) that is now conscious enough that we can go to it and release it. Thank goodness with the QFH tool that is possible!

          The shorter answer is… make sure you have balance, make sure you are looking after yourself – but do not be scared to meet the pain and release it – because that is where the true freedom breaks forth.

          All we need to do is ask whatever right here / right now is hurting – ‘What is this?’ and deeply feel it, and we always know what is next in the queue to be released.

          Our Soul does not get it wrong, becomes it adores us and wants the best for us πŸ™‚

          I hope this helps.

          Mel xo

        2. I just went on ahead and read the ebook about forgiveness and have printed out the section with the exercises to complete and will start journalling on self-forgiveness (first) and then forgiveness of others, since I suspect I probably hold myself more guilty and accountable than anyone else.

          I’ll let you know how it goes via email if you like.

          1. Sorry, my last comment was written before I saw your response as I had not refreshed my browser window since posting my previous comment.

          2. Hi Nadine,

            working on the forgiveness journally process with the QFH shifts will be a wonderful and complete way to release yourself from guilt.

            The most important and essential person to forgive is always ourself – absolutely. We are stuck with ‘ourself’ for eternity! πŸ™‚ Thus it makes a lot of sense to make this the most important, loving, supportive and acceptive relationship ever..

            Then the beautiful outflow is THEN our other relationships can be created to that template as well – but only when the foundation of our relationship with ourself is healthy and authentic..

            Yes please, I would love you to email me and let me know how you go!

            Mel xo

  18. So, i am able to access the blogs now!!! Sorry i just did not familiarize myself to the website but yay!!

    As always am grateful, your resources saved my life and I thank God for you and for the unique wisdom and love he has bestowed on you…

    Thanks,
    rachel

    1. Yay, Rachel, for your downloads and blogs.
      I so know what it’s like .
      I find my stuff goes missing all the time in cyberspace.!
      Who knows where or why…
      Valxxx

  19. so funny to be reading these comments in the States. Its 9:25am on March 22 but so many of you are ‘in the future’ from my p.o.v. lol time is a funny thing.

  20. Hi Dawn,

    You are so welcome! It is fantastic you are so honest and humble with this…because that is where the light can shine into those disowned part and they can heal.

    This is a very good question – dichotomy you have raised – absolutely!

    What is important to understand is there really (if we simplify) two types of behaviour people can do – reverent or non-reverent…and what I mean by that is ‘non-narcissistic’ or ‘narcissistic’…

    And of course there may be some grey areas…and usually they are within self.

    So we always need to start with self – always! So we receive a behaviour, we get triggered…there is always something within self that has co-created this in our experience – without exception.

    This painful event / feeling relates to some unhealed part of self – some old ‘story’ that is continuing to attract this ‘pain’ into our experience (Law of Attraction), and we need to take responsibility for this – regardless if the behaviour was reverent (no intention to harm, one-up) or if it was (narcissistic).

    Then we are in a position to detach (not react), observe without the powerful trigger and have clarity. When we don’t have old stories and reactions happening we open the space for clarity – we no longer personalise, and can clearly see ‘what is mine’ and ‘what is yours’….and we have the space for wisdom to enter where pain and fear previously was.

    This only comes from being extremely honest with ourself – What are the patterns of my triggers? What are the patterns of the abuse (if narcissistically treated) I have continued to attract and play out in my life?

    And then doing the inner work on claiming these unhealed parts to heal them.

    This is in fact the greatest recipe of success for healing from narc abuse (which I know you are doing great job with through NARP), the finding the parts of ourself that attracted / allowed the abuse and healing those old wounds and stories – which means we no longer have any connection with obsession, abuse symptoms (my life is destroyed because of you) illusions of love or sentimentality or desire to be with the narcissist – we have clarity, solidness and self-love and self-value instead.

    Now, for you this is about taking it one step further. You know what constitutes a narcissist. Pathological lying, zero accountability remorse and empathy.It is unmistakeable when the mask drops and this behaviour appears – because it is simply not normal, adult or human.

    This is of course unacceptable and requires No Contact as it is not your acceptable model of life. You know this lesson and how it was about cleaning up your pain and fear and old stories.

    Now your future journey and connection to real life is about being able to feel, claiming you feelings and not being afraid of them. You will never tolerate a narc again – and don’t need to – and now you are safe to be you in the world.

    What was very helpful for me to claim my feelings was to look at all the ways I was self-avoiding (this makes us a big match for others who do this – such as narcs – self-avoidance being the very definition of a narc)…and how to stop doing those behaviours that I was unconsciously doing to avoid ‘being with myself’ emotionally.

    Then it was about fully claiming my feelings, working through QFH determinedly to unconditionally love, accept and embrace every part of myself – the good, the bad and the ugly…so that there was no part of me I was resisting / avoiding anymore.

    It only took 2 days of doing goal setting healings of that focus to feel an incredible shift towards loving and ‘being’ with me – and no longer resisting or avoiding the parts of me I didn’t like and was rejecting (such as painful feelings). The relief, the inner strength and inner warmth and ‘safety’ that came from that was indescribable – and has existed ever since.

    This is what I feel intuitively you can do here..so that you know it is okay to feel, it is okay to be your emotional self and 100% ‘be’ with you.

    What you will discover by doing so is that you will be so much less triggered from life. It is the self-judgement of our own feelings that makes us confused about ‘the outside’..and makes us fearful of ‘the outside’…and we can’t see clearly why we are not only self-avoiding – but we are also avoiding implementing and ‘doing’ healthy boundaries.

    When we become really authentic to ourself – then we start showing up in life authentically as well. We can be true, honest to our needs and rights, loving and direct and live through integrity and true emotional communication – firstly with ourself and then with others.

    That is our ultimate goal – and what real love and partipation on this planet is all about!

    My suggestion is to do the QFH shift with the goal setting Module ‘I connect to every part of me and my emotions with total unconditional love and acceptance’…and get a tissue box handy!You will need it, it will be emotional – a lot of tears of relief as well!

    Clear all resistance and keep working this shift till it becomes authentic for you – and you will know exactly what I mean.

    There is no more need to hide – all of you can come out – but all of you has to feel totally safe, loved and embraced by you first!

    I know how much this will help.

    Mel xo

    1. Hi Dawn,

      you are very welcome.

      Sweetie – it is so true that water seeks its own level – our own broken parts (pain / fear) were a match for a narc – totally. It is left over ‘jink’ deeply embedded in our subsconscious, which is why it is important to find it and release it in order to truly be free…not just of internal pain, but also non-authentic and painful relationships.

      Which of course always starts with the relationship with ourself.

      So true! There is nothing dumb or vulnerable about this – it is simply evolving past the painful emotional experience to a much better version of life, love and connection.

      Mel xo

  21. Dear Melanie,
    Thank you very much for this article (and for all your insightful and inspiring work, for that matter). i myself have been dealing with a narcissistic relationship as well as a manipulative and controlling friend through the last 7 years and have been through a lot of suffering, however, it has also been one of the most intense periods of my life in terms of that being part of these relationships helped me to understand so much about myself that i can say that without these relationships being part of my life i would not be the strong, powerful and liberated person that is being born out of me these days. I believe that you always get your match and i believe people don’t come to our life by accident. they hold up a mirror for us. Also, controlling and manipulative people with whom we have close relationship give us so much pain that at one point we just cannot bear the pain anymore, that’s when we start to go deeper and deeper, research, read, educate ourselves, until we finally realize what’s going on. And thanks to all the experience i’ve been through, now i can start to differentiate between what is good and healthy for me and what is not, i may not have to do anything more just e.g. pay attention to the nerve coming up in my stomach when something happens, or, i can totally recognize how small and weak i feel after interaction with these kind of energetic vampire people. But until you are able to make all this conscious, you just keep suffering and you have no idea why. I always believe (maybe also because I am a capricorn πŸ™‚ that we can only learn from pain, from letting our emotions go to the extreme and by not being afraid of jumping into the deepest abyss. If we have the courage to do that, however much pain we go through, we will always come out stronger. And it will also stop us lying to ourselves and letting our whole self and energy for use to somebody else who is feeding on us, because they always have to concentrate on others and push them down to feel better, because they are unable or it would be too painful for them to look down into their own abyss… All the best to you

    1. Hi Gabriella,

      you are very welcome. This is wonderful that you have been doing the inner self reflection and understanding what these relationships can teach you about you…that is what creating true authentic power is about – understanding your own personal growth as a result of relationships – fantastic stuff!

      So true – every relationship is a ‘match’…and if our unhealed parts are significant enough they will be reflected back to us powerfully with many painful triggers.

      I love what you have written about getting past self-avoidance. In any ‘reaction’ or painful event in our life the intensity truly is showing us how much self-avoindance we have been doing.If our life eneds up excruciatingly painful it is because we have done an enormous amount of avoiding ourself to get to this point.

      This is why we need to stop self-avoiding, become emotionally authentic with ourself and face and meet the painful parts in order to work out what is going on – and heed the internal call that something on the inside desperately needs our attention.

      This takes REAL courage – authentic courage, more courage than climbing Mount Everest for many people!

      This is the only place authentic power can come from – it must come from having the courage to meet and accept ourself, the good, the bad and the ugly and go within in order to do so.

      This is the only way true self-love and self-acceptance can ever occur.

      You have artciculated this perfectly and I hope it inspires others – because what you have written Gabriella is a very important message πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

  22. Im not sure if this is related to the topic but I would like to share that I used QFH to clear a stomach virus — I was feeling unwell this Friday, my body was aching, I was having digestive problems, felt feverish and cold — at the same time — ruminating thoughts of my narc ex appeared and anything related to him — I didnt know what was happening.

    I googled the metaphysical cause of my digestive problems and flulike symptoms — I read that it was the inability to know what needs to be let go — I did QFH based on this -as well as any and all stuff I was still carrying — immediately when I did — I FELT BETTER!!! my body ache dissolved! I was able to sit up – before this, I was in bed the whole day and feeling weak — after QFH, I was able to move around and my spirits lifted. my stomach ache also lessened.

    Mel,this is so true when you said

    “Your goal is to love this journey of knowing we all have heaps of β€˜stuff’ (we are all perfectly imperfect) and that this journey is about loving that it can come up and we get the opportunity to shift it, transform it and free ourselves piece by piece even more..

    And every time we do – we get to improve even more of our inner self, and we get to connect with life, joy and living in even more authentic ways…it is a glorious journey!

    So PLEASE don’t think you are clear! Welcome triggers, welcome stuff coming up – because the more you shift, the more you work on yourself – the more and more you will feel incredible and life around you will reflect back to you the newly created β€˜state’ of your inner!”

    wow, I now completely understand this. always I feel when Ive done QFH and meditations, I think “i have cleared everything I needed or that Im good.”

    i used to be annoyed when stuff still come up that i thought ive cleared. now i know its fine, the presence of stuff is telling me –reminding me to shift these still so I can be more of who I really am — my True Self that is Love.
    I completely very much agree that our being here on this planet really is a school — we are learning — and were always learning through our experience so we can become more aware of our Self.

    1. Hi Jennifer,

      this does relate totally.

      First our subconscious may try to get our attention through emotional pain, then if that doesn’t get our attention it can turn into physical pain.

      Yes, I am not suprised it all went. The subsconscious progam said ‘Phew that was wonderful Jen, I got your attention and you did something about this. Now I don’t have to keep trying to get your attention!’

      I am so pleased what I wrote resonated with you!! Truly Jen when we re-train ourself we welcome something big coming up. I LOVE it…because I know when I go to it, embrace it, (and I have been doing so this for so long and so diligently now the answer as soon I drop into the feeling and start digging appears)…and release with the QFH process the bliss, lift and release on the other side is glorious. And the bigger the ‘THING’ the bigger the release!

      Yay – I love that you have clicked more into flow and out of resistance, and thank you for your wonderful share of your experience!

      Mel xo

      1. “All we need to do is ask whatever right here / right now is hurting – β€˜What is this?’ and deeply feel it, and we always know what is next in the queue to be released.

        Our Soul does not get it wrong, becomes it adores us and wants the best for us.”

        I did this Mel, just now.. and the stuff that came up was I still had resentment. i still carried the shame of being humiliated and I still had the need for revenge or literally I still wanted to slap him – both sides of his face. =P its so odd, even in my dreams, I cant even slap him???

        also, 2 days before my stomach flu I did dream of my narcex — in the dream he was treating me like a puppet — I left and he followed and as I was about to enter our old house he told me he was leaving me. I shouted back, `dont ever come back!!!” — you are right Mel about the subconscious. wow…..

        I QFHd all these charges.
        Thank YOU Mel. Thank you.

  23. Hi Mel,
    Once again, wonderful timing. This article has answered a few questions, relating to my issues with the negative energy around my home. It has been a challenge to find out why I have felt so powerless to not let the energy effect me, but I understand more now, that due to my desperate attempts to try too hard to wish it gone, it is only gaining strength within me, making my experiences worse. As I am aware, we have no control over our outside environment or the people in it.I have also accepted that people act and are the way they are, which I can’t change. Despite these people being inconsiderate and lacking respect for those around them, I still need to learn a way to feel peace instead of irritability even with them in my space, doing whatever it is they are doing.
    When I first moved to my little place for a fresh start I know I did have needs and wanted peace and quiet, for my environment to be just right for me to be able to heal more effectively. I wanted to go into the garden and be able to enjoy the sounds of nature, which I cannot hear as much now. Possibly this may be due to my focus on the other not so desirable noise, that is constant and also not realising at the time that due to my focus on this changed environment and undesirable energy, it has caused me to focus too much on it rather than remaining in my peaceful state and accepting that it is not mine, but their stuff.

    I do know though that in saying all this, there is a fine line to what is acceptable to live with and what is not. AS this situation is not acceptable, the levels of noise being beyond what one could accept as ‘normal’, then I need to learn how to put up a boundary and not let it affect me. This I am finding difficult, but Mel, I hope you can guide me here. QF helps to relieve the tension ‘I created due to my irritation with it’ and I try not to charge on it, but there may be more I can do.

    Melanie, you know that I am very open and honest with myself and not afraid to admit that I have some deep issues stemming back from a long time ago, not just what I went through with my ex narc. I truly have cut many chords and it is because I have worked diligently with NARP along with work focusing on the goals. There is no energy associated with the pain of my narc experience now and even if I receive an email from him, it is just words that mean nothing because I know they are rubbish with him feeling sorry for himself.

    Love to all of you our there and special love to Mel, Val and Dawn. We should all be proud of ourselves for working so hard and re-claiming our souls. We must not allow the energy out there ‘outside’ to claim us again. Honesty with self is the only way to break the chords and to get through pain. Our pain is a gift and I have lost count of how many gifts I have received since being aware they exist. Truly wonderful to receive them and very exciting to have the goals there in the near distance to claim as my own.

    xxoo Love Jac πŸ™‚

    1. Hi Jac,

      I am so glad this article resonated with you and helps…

      That is so correct Jac we have no control over anything that is not us – in any relationship with life, or another human being we are ONLY responsible for our 50% of the interaction.

      A big part of your 50% is showing up with emotional authenitcity – it is about expressing you trigger appropriately – rather than bottling. It is true that the more you do the work on the old story (which is causing the trigger to be powerful) then there is less emotional trigger for you – then the rest of it is for you to own your feeling with emotional authenticity and state it such as – ‘I feel (the feeling) when you (what they are doing), can we please (offer solution).

      (I am going to be writing articles on emotional autenticity soon in ELL newsletter).

      By working on your old story – with QFH and showing up with total emotional authenticity you will invite all of life in your experience to join you in emotional authecticty (intimate, true connection of love and support).

      If the people in your ‘space’ do not wish to meet you at this level they will move our of your template and people who can will…

      Try this Jac, and if you are not yet confident to show up gently and directly with expressing this formula to the people triggering you – practice on your own, and clear all resistance (fear) to it with QFH and then when you can do it ‘cleanly’ you will see miracles start to emerge – truly!

      I know this will make a big difference to your situation darling – and I know how committed you are to working on you and ‘finding the way’ – and so 100% you will! πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

  24. Hi dear Dawn!
    “Row row row your boat gently down the stream” haha! Lovely to find you here again πŸ™‚

    With my own experience I found that there was a lot left in my shell, and so I broke free. Me and my shell traveled a lot too, moving form place to place, trying to find the perfect environment to live in peace and I know it was only running away from myself and my emotions. The shell where it should be, on the outside as just a shell, with all its lovely colours, but I am not inside the shell now, but firmly on the outside of it, nourishing my existance with love, peace, joy, and many moments of bliss. My protection is now an energy field, my Aura, the subtle luminous radiation of light is there to protect me to stop the outside worlds negative energy entering my space. I turn it on when doing a shift, to stop the bad energy getting back in. Once that energy is gone, it is gone for good.

    Happy you are here with us on this journey and let us all share each others good, healing energy and may there be an abundance of golden light to take us far.

    xxoo Jac πŸ™‚

  25. Thanks Mel and a wonderful suggestion to present to them the formula, but I do know that saying anything to them, asking them to quieten down, or any suggestion, even calmly and authentically is not going to change the situation, as that would be asking them to control their kids and animals which most people do get defensive over. I do know one has to be present here to be able to understand just how difficult it is to ’emotionally move away from it’ as it is just too close to my space. My agent did say, this should not have been let due to the environment not being suitable for a rental. As things change often, being nature and life, I initially was enjoying a peaceful environment and then the energy of new people arrived and it is totally different now.

    Working with QF does help and I will keep working to clear the triggers, so that the pain of what I am experiencing will be less.
    I have learnt that what we focus intensely on is what will become even bigger, even if the situation stays the same, it does get bigger due to our ’emotions and feeling into the pain’, to the point of, every sound relating to these people causes one to jump and then anxiety can present itself. It seems to get louder. I have not let it get to that stage, but enough is enough and I really need to do some clearing, ready for the holidays when the noise will increase, but it may become quieter within me.

    The artist in me is hiding at the moment, and I refuse to let the outside world ruin my inner peace, so much work to do on me. I will let you know how the shifts go and excited to feel the energy transform.

    Love to you xxooo

  26. Hi Jac,

    I want you to ‘feel’ this and not ‘think’ it.

    This is about co-creation – and emotional autenticicty being the key. This is about you showing up in life authcntcially – that is the gift – it is not about having any attachment or expectation on the response of these people..

    When we do this – show up authentically – it creates space for magic to occur – and it may not be in the moment, and it may not be at all with these people – or there may be a shift in what is going on that will totally blow you away…

    This is where miracles, understanding , reverence, communion and true support happen – firstly be the vibration you have decided to authentically live, and secondly by the people who will be co-creating life with you in your space.

    This is about YOU being real in the world which means being able to have, accept and express your emotions fully and appropriately – that is what being real is – regardless of what happens on the ‘outside’ – or what you believe will happen on the ‘outside’..

    Truly Jac there is NO ‘outside’!

    Hun feel into this – and if you deeply do it will resonate as a soul truth for you…

    This is a quantum leap in the evolution you so wish for…

    Mel xo

  27. Hello – Thank you so much for this. I was recently triggered. A close “friend” of mine , whom I care for a lot but neither of us are ready to engage in a relationship as yet has a face-book page…His ex put a picture of the two of them from the past there (labelling it “happier days”.) He didn’t look very happy at all but that wasn’t the issue. My immediate reaction was interestingly the exact same feeling I used to get when I discovered my ex (then husband) had been engaging with other women – often I would catch him out via his sms’s and this feeling would come over me – like intense fear, adrenaline, anxiety and deep hurt & anger all at once. Leaving me brethless and tense as I tried to reson it away… How would one deal with that feeling in the present? I accept now that he was cheating on me all through our marriage, emotionally and physically but at that time I was in denial. Would I have to revisit those memories? How would I go about “healing that part” so that I don’t get triggered with future relationships. That particular feeling was so intense that it made me want to avoid my current friend altogether and push him as far away from him as I could. I found myself anxious and on edge around him… I don’t know where to start on facing this one! Please help! πŸ™‚

    1. Hi Lisa, Mel’s advise in quotes below and is also found in the posts above is a great help to get you started with paying attention to your feelings.

      β€œAll we need to do is ask whatever right here / right now is hurting – β€˜What is this?’ and deeply feel it, and we always know what is next in the queue to be released.

      Our Soul does not get it wrong, becomes it adores us and wants the best for us.”

      1. This task of feelings and/or acknowledging the pain, the hurt is confusing in terms of what to do with that. I know of incidents in my young life that could have set me up for pain in relationships. In a more general sense, I know that, in most situations, I have a sense of “not belonging.” Obviously, that hurts!! And, I feel it SO deeply! But what am I supposed to do with that to start healing?

  28. I just came across this site mid search for a step by step “get back to me” resource. 10 years ago there was little to no information on how to identify, manage, escape/survive the person you married/had children with. If it wasn’t for my family Dr. Who told me that I wasn’t crazy and actually in danger & needed to end my marriage I would not be writing this today. Although I left 10 years ago this in no way stopped him from carrying out his mission to destroy me in every way possible, in fact my decision to end the marriage added fuel to the fire and revealed the depths of venom that exists within him. The advise I’ve read here in the last 30 min is relevant to many stages of healing/acknowledging what only those who have actually experienced first hand know all to well. Its been 10 years since I “left” but when you have children you take on the role and responsibility of protecting them (as much as possible) from becoming another source for their warped existence. Im looking forward to reading more tinight after the rascals are tucked in and hope to learn more about how to discover and embrace the authentic, confident and happy me that I remember and so eager to be again. Until then I hope if nothing else your readers find comfort in kniwing that they arent alone – as many will have already found out, trying to explain what’s going on with a narcissist is virtually impossible without coming across as dillusional & crazy yourself!!

  29. Melanie, am beginning to heal and people who had long been disconnected from me are coming back like my brother and depositing positive things in my life!!!

    Thank you Melanie..This is just a miracle!!!

    Your are specially gifted Melanie!!

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom..am eternally grateful!!!

    Rachel

    1. Hi Rachel,

      you are so very welcome!

      It is so true that when we release out of us the ‘old junk’ we make room for the real and good stuff to arrive!

      Life always reflects back to us our ‘inner’. πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

  30. Hi Melanie,
    Another article that arrived just at the right time for me after a big weekend of triggers. I was beginning to get annoyed at the emotional triggers but now I’ve looked at them differently. Yes, more stuff to clear.
    I also feel as though I had a huge breakthrough last week. It took me by surprise but I know it would never have happened without the QFH sessions I do.
    The N wanted me to drop him at a bar (on his own) for a few beers and when I got home I started going through the whole gammet of “I bet he’s cracking on to someone”. I felt all the same hypervigilance feelings and obsessive thought processes start up. All the normal fears took hold and then suddenly, another inner voice broke through. It literally said very calmly. “And so what if he is? Let him cheat, abuse, torment and sponge off someone else for a change. You are losing nothing but have everything to gain if he were to leave.” I felt it in my heart. I felt it so very deeply. The obsessive thoughts stopped and I planned my own peaceful evening. (He called only 45 minutes later for me to pick him up again! And I thought – damn! lol). I heard the voice of my higher self. I’m sure I did as everything just relaxed in me. It was the truth.

    Thank you again Melanie

    1. Hi Madonna,

      That is great this article was timely for you!

      This is a wonderful shift of honouring you and becoming your own source – and the more and more you – do the less and less his energy, self or life will be responsible for your wellbeing and creations in life and love.

      Which is appropriate because these creations can then be Real πŸ™‚

      Mel xo

  31. Forgiveness is a choice… I got to thinking last night and I realised that holding on to anger, bitterness, resentment and the number of offenses perpetrated against me isn’t healthy – for me! In fact, it’s the last “hold” my abuser has over me. It’s taken me 3 years of intense introspection and processing to get to the place where I finally see this. That the drug,alcohol,agression,pornography and women ect. were his own entrapment within the addictive cycle and that I was enabling him because of the unhealed parts within myself.So in answer to my own question – the more secure I become in myself, the less threatened I will be of factors outside of my control. A healthy sense of self, will mean that I remain centred despite what is going on around me or the choices other people make and chosing to forgive my abuser will open up the wounds to be cleansed and healed, so that I can move forward in confidence and with renewed hope and peace of mind.Thank you for all of your contributions and insights. Have a blessed day. πŸ™‚

  32. Hi Melanie,
    I have been following your NARP program for about a year, and this last e-mail hit the spot!! I recently saw Dr. Hew Lin’s “Healing the Inner Child” video on YouTube, and then your e-mail arrived where you mention him and his work. Divine timing is so cool!
    So, yesterday, I got “triggered” by something, and I was able to actually soothe my inner child and although it was still painful and sad (I think there’s a lot of things in my inner child pain that are coming up from when I was adopted at birth), but I just went with my feelings and cried and did the Ho’oponopono “I’m sorry…Please forgive me…I love you…and thank you (for the lessons and for being part of me (the inner child)…and I think I’m on the right track…
    I have never had the experience of going to soothe the inner child right when the “triggering event” happens (i.e., reassuring the inner child that I’m here, you’re safe and I’ll protect you, etc), and do that inner work until I saw Dr. Hew Lin’s video meditation. I was able to overcome the “triggering event” and ended up falling asleep listening to nature sounds on Youtube and actually getting a good night’s sleep…
    Your e-mail was so helpful in explaining that the REASON we attract these people into our lives is to HEAL THE INNER CHILD PARTS or the deep painful memories that hold us prisoner until we face them.

    Thank you sooo much for being such a wonderful light sister for all of us who need to heal since if we don’t address the inner work, we just keep running into the same issue(s) – just in different faces and different places!!! Big Mahalos!!!
    Love, Leahne’

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