Melanie Tonia Evans

What Happens When We Assign The Narcissist As Our God?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 1
54
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

The narcissist seems all powerful.

He or she dictates whether you feel good, bad, happy or sad.

And, no matter how badly the narcissist treats you, your spirit may feel like it is literally dying without the narcissist.

You know deep down that going back to them will only led to more trauma, terror, panic and feelings of soul devastation.

So how can you break the bondage of assigning the narcissist as your God and let go of the agonizing thoughts that make you feel like you will be lifeless without them?

Find out in this week’s Thriver Tv episode.

I know that so many of you will relate to this!

And I hope, with all of my heart, that this really helps liberate you to become your own Source free to create your Life.

I look forward to answering your questions and your comments below!

 

 

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melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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54 Thoughts on What Happens When We Assign The Narcissist As Our God?
  • jahalexander@yahoo.com'
    Dale Alexander
    October 28, 2016

    My wife of 30 years was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 6 years ago. Her doctor also thought that she has a personality disorder because she is one big lie. She ran off again and lied to the police and said I hit her, they saw though her lie and are going to charge her with making a false police report. She has done this before and I don’t press charges against her. She is living in a shelter for now and her exit date is in 4 days. Last week end I picked her up and she spent the night with me and said she wanted to get back together. The next day, I drove her back to the domestic violence shelter so she could get her belongings. She never came back out of the shelter. I left after waiting for an hour. The next day she she texted me two times, saying that I must hate her and want her dead. She also gave me her phone number and sent me a facebook friend request after unfriending me and blocking me. What does all of this mean ? Seems like she has lost her mind. Please help me to understand. Dale

    • esantrim@msn.com'
      Scott Antrim
      October 28, 2016

      Get on YouTube and study the condition of Narc Personality Disorder. Dude, you will be locked in a bizarre Twilight Zone chaos if you don’t get out of the cycle. You need to go “no contact”, get divorced, move on and heal. I’m getting divorced now after similar scenario to what you described. Your lucky to not have gone to jail. She tried to send you there unjustly. That’s love? That’s a suitable partner? No, that’s a monster. I’m not being judgemental of you. I went to jail unjustly. I went through countless cycles of reconciliation after repeated and bizarre periods of turmoil. My Narc wife tried to repeat the abuse claims and she manufactured scenarios where she made fake claims of abuse. You’re lucky they actually charged your narc with “false report”. Do you yourself a huge life favor. Just end it now. Get out of the toxic relationship.

      • angela228@me.com'
        Angels
        October 29, 2016

        I am a woman weighing slightly over 100lbs. My husband at the time, tried to trip and bump me while walking upstairs, grabbed me to physically push me out of the house. My daughter saw it all happen. I left with a bruise. I went to the police four days later and found out he called them right after I left that day it happened to report against ME. AND the sickest part, my daughter sided with him. He has reported I stole his van, IT IS IN MY NAME. I urge everyone to continue to learn from Melanie. Also, please read the Conversations With God books. I’m reading What God Said. It is amazing.

    • mjcard@rogers.com'
      Mary Jane Card
      October 29, 2016

      After much research I have come to understand that I come from a Narcissistic family. Perhaps generations of it. I always knew it was not healthy. No one was happy or loving. It was like being brought up in an institution. There was nothing illegal. There was shelter, clothing and food. No physical violence. But the on-going emotional punishment for any accomplishment or satisfaction in life made everyone huddle alone, cringing from the inevitable punishment and hatred that came from our mother. Her jealousy was monumental, universal, extended to everything and everyone, old and young alike. She couldn’t restrain herself from destroying anything pleasant, successful or optimistic. Her father was similar although she bested even him.
      I dealt with it by developing a huge sympathy for her. Starting from about 6 years old, I created an elaborate story to account for her behaviour. I saw her as hurt and acting out. I wanted to save her. It was the goal of my life to figure out some way to pull her out, into the light of life, release her from the demon I thought had twisted her soul. She had some real difficulties in her fate, health etc. of the sort that might make anyone less than their best. But I used those things to give justification to her cruel, cold and damaging personality.
      So, while I was being repeatedly damaged by her, I was maintaining a belief that I could take it and that I would succeed eventually in rescuing her and by doing so, release myself from her misery.
      She died three years ago. At last I am able to admit that she was needlessly damaging and that my story that I fabricated was a huge part of the engine that kept me in thrall to her.
      I’m writing this as an adult child from a Narcissistic family so that others in my situation might have company if they are confused by the double, or parallel perceptions they may have in their struggle to understand and become free.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Dale,

      I agree with Scott’s comment below …

      At the start of this it s really important to understand “what” a narcissist is – and then it truly is time to heal ourselves to break free from the agony of this.

      Here are some of my resources to help get you started.

      http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/are-you-with-a-narcissist/

      http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-malignant-female-understanding-female-narcissism/

      Mel xo

  • scoobie23.sf@gmail.com'
    su
    October 28, 2016

    Hi . Not sure how this works. I Understand your video but how do we do all this. Do I have to sign up for your course . If so can you send details. Or is there a way to find myself. I’m falling down fast and suffering depression. Anxiety and just wanting the ex (narc) in my life (somehow) .?
    Please can I help 🙁

    • lina126y@hotmail.com'
      Lauren
      October 28, 2016

      Su, I relate to you. Anything to make the hurt go away. I would be willing to take my narc back too. It is true that we’ve made them our god and it feel scary without them. It’s been 4 years without the narc fro me and I still think of him everyday.

    • fortunejoy@outlook.com'
      JESS M
      October 29, 2016

      Dear Sue,
      If you go the bottom of this page-of the Blog here…scroll down. You will see in small writing:”Get Started”
      You sign up & you will Instantly become a “New Life Member”: this means for every day for just over 2 weeks you will be sent a brilliant Newsletter-FREE. This gives you time to decide what healing of the NARP Programme, you’d like to do if any.
      If you have decided now; that you husf want to go right into the healings in NARP; you’ll see a section:”NARP Resources that will take you straight to ordering it all. There are 10 Modules & 3 extra MP3’s too ; as well as all the Ebooks and; with NARP Gold the amasing Forum where you get Loads of Support and the needed companionship to feel less alone. There are new people all the time. Many do thd Webinair 1st to get a head start. It is awesome-Im now 10 months into NARP Gold programme and am now doing the “Transforming Family of Origin Wounds”. It All brings huge relief and deep inner changes that then man

    • fortunejoy@outlook.com'
      JESS M
      October 29, 2016

      Dear Sue,
      If you go the bottom of this page-of the Blog here…scroll down. You will see in small writing:”Get Started”
      You sign up & you will Instantly become a “New Life Member”: this means for every day for just over 2 weeks you will be sent a brilliant Newsletter-FREE. This gives you time to decide what healing of the NARP Programme, you’d like to do if any.
      If you have decided now; that you husf want to go right into the healings in NARP; you’ll see a section:”NARP Resources that will take you straight to ordering it all. There are 10 Modules & 3 extra MP3’s too ; as well as all the Ebooks and; with NARP Gold the amasing Forum where you get Loads of Support and the needed companionship to feel less alone. There are new people all the time. Many do thd Webinair 1st to get a head start. It is awesome-Im now 10 months into NARP Gold programme and am now doing the “Transforming Family of Origin Wounds”. It All brings huge relief and deep inner changes that then manifest in the outside. Good luck. Just do it! xx

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Su,

      My Course is The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), which you can find here:

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      NARP is the path that so many Thrivers in the Community took to break free from the agony and heal.

      With it also comes an incredible NARP Forum were myself and people from all over the world help support other’s healing.

      That is all part of a Gold Membership – and is my highest suggestion for you.

      Mel xo

  • scoobie23.sf@gmail.com'
    su
    October 28, 2016

    Oops thats get help ?

  • t.morley7@icloud.com'
    tracy morley
    October 28, 2016

    Dale and Sue as you read back your own words you will notice your focus is on the Ex. I have now realised my issues were with myself. As I did the quantum healing work with Mel I focused on My wounds/ feelings / sensations that were being triggered by my ex and then realised how I was not supporting myself with self love n trust. It’s a wonderful feeling to start doing that more. Something shifts at an energetic level and the things you ask or you spend your time thinking about change to something soooo much healthier. I now find myself defaulting to the natural smile that is me most of the day…. that effortless natural joy and people around me seem to be watching and inspired to do the same :-))))

  • lina126y@hotmail.com'
    Lauren
    October 28, 2016

    I relate with what you’re saying Melanie. It’s so difficult. My spouse left me in my 50’s. It’s been 4 years and I can’t move on and I’m afraid of remaining alone. I never wanted to be alone. I truly believed that my spouse loved and cherished me. He left after years together and discarded me as if I never even existed. Not sure if he is a narcissist but the way that he discarded me and moved on with another person, is making me doubt that he was even the person I thought he was? I had made him my world and loved him. For a while I thought he was in midlife crisis but his intent in destroying and punishing me is so unreal that I’ve come to question even myself. NO closure…he just left me shattered. Cold, indifferent, practical and emotionless…a man I don’t even recognize. I use to be his life, his world and now I don’t even exist. I think he had become my god and now more than before. I see him as I had perceived him and now as he truly is. But being without him is like not living my life at all…Pathetic and sad but true. I can’t find pleasure in life anymore because being with him was the best time I ever had. Or at least that’s how I remember it. I thought he was my soul mate and I now feel as if I’m walking around only with half of me. I want to stop hurting.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Lauren,

      it is very true that time is not the healer of narcissistic abuse wounds – the right inner work is … the reprogramming and releasing of our traumas.

      It’s time of you to her Lauren – 4 years is enough … and its great you want to heal – because I PROMISE you it is totally doable … that’s what my healing system is about.

      Check out all of this:

      My Free Newsletter Resources – which is full of stuff to help you – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/getstarted

      The NARP Program – which is the core Healing Program in this Community – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      and,

      My Free Webinar (tele class) Group – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I recommend all of these resources … see which ones “call” you.

      Mel xo

  • kwashburn@mac.com'
    Kathy
    October 28, 2016

    Wow! If your email wasn’t the universe speaking to me then the sun doesn’t rise. My narcissist husband left me for another woman in June. He announced that it wasn’t the first time he had cheated on me and explained he has done so several times during our 25 year marriage. His departure was so timely, I just retired (to spend more time supporting him and working on our marriage because he believed I was so stressed); my two sons left home for college (both abroad); we were to celebrate our 25th anniversary (Nov 23) and I turned 50 (Oct 11). Needless to say, I have been a hot mess trying to find myself under the weight of all the cloaks I wore for so long that were removed almost instantly. Leaving me naked and vulnerable as if I was a baby. I found your wonderful site in September and the daily emails have been a saving grace. I signed up for the NARC program and have been doing module 1 for weeks. The practice has empowered me little by little each day. Today, at 1:00 am I woke up crying as I imagined him with his affair partner and once again felt overwhelmed with sadness, feelings of insignificance and being unloveable and so full of regrets. Like if I changed, I would not have lost him. I opened my laptop to journal, which helps the panic and BAM! incomes your email. Once again it was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the moment I needed to hear it. Thank you Melanie. You have no idea how much you have helped me over these last few months and I know I have more work to do and I also know that he is NOT MY GOD. Thank you for reminding me I am worthy. I am going to go through module one again right now, I just had to tell you how grateful I am you are sharing your genius with the world.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Kathy,

      I am so pleased this spoke to you.

      Kathy you absolutely had the rug pulled out from under you – and I am so pleased you are a part of this Community and you took action towards your healing so quickly … at such a crucial time of your life.

      I am so glad this article came at the right moment … and please know Kathy the absolute fastest and most painless path is to STOP ourselves thinking and instead go inside our bodies and do Module work, asap when something comes up.

      Then we up-level it – instead of letting it pulverise us – (which is the ONLY result when we try to deal with emotional trauma cognitively).

      Also please come into the Forum for support when you need it. There are so many incredible people there who will help hold the space for your healing and be the wind under your wings until you start flying yourself.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Wishing you big hugs and healing.

      Mel xo

  • wopla@gmx.com'
    Miba
    October 28, 2016

    Beautiful video.

    Love the boho look :).

    My heart goes out to anyone who is stuck in this phase, because I know all too well what it’s like and it’s not pretty.

    If you aren’t using the programme yet, go for it peepz. Best investment ever :).

    Joy, love, abundance, freedom, solidity and liberation awaits on the other side. ♥

    Realizing that the broken state I was in wasn’t my True Self, was my saving grace right from the get go. I held onto that belief (regardless of any doubt, confusion and/or disbelief). And it definitely boosted my healing.

    Go for it peepz! You can do it! ☼

  • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
    JC
    October 28, 2016

    If you think the narcissist is your God, just walk up to that throne and pull off his beard, you’ll see it’s a fake!

    Jokes aside, I love a quote by Wayne Dyer speaking about Carl Jung’s concept, “The quickest way to lose your soul is to believe in a God outside of yourself.” I always liked this quote because it redirects you inward.

    • angela228@me.com'
      Angela
      October 29, 2016

      Major wake up for me: MY NARC TOLD ME I WAS WORSHIPPING THE WRONG GOD. He told me himself! Speaking of himself!!

    • susieandsallie@gmail.com'
      RM
      October 29, 2016

      JC,

      OMG!

      “If you think the narcissist is your God, just walk up to that throne and pull off his beard, you’ll see it’s a fake!”

      LOL!!!!! I love your joke……………so so true…………made my day!

      Thank you.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi JC,

      that quote is so true!

      Mel xo

      • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
        JC
        October 29, 2016

        But perhaps more important, if you want to add more color to your life, include a sense of hue more.

        • wopla@gmx.com'
          Miba
          October 30, 2016

          Definitely, most definitely JC, HAHAHAHA ♥

          • jcbrady89@yahoo.com'
            JC
            November 2, 2016

            Thank you Miba, I guess even though I don’t think I need validation, it still helps sometimes. 🙂

    • ella.jakobson@gmail.com'
      Bella
      November 13, 2016

      Yes and Carl Jung also said about love that it is projecting our inner gold outside of ourselves.

  • t.morley7@icloud.com'
    tracy morley
    October 28, 2016

    Feel such oneness and harmony in everything that’s being shared here :-))

  • casting@sasharobertson.com'
    Sash Robertson
    October 28, 2016

    This makes total sense to me. I am out of a 20 year relationship/marriage to a narcissist for 18 months and have still been hanging on to the side of the boat. I logically cannot understand it and he still has such power over me. He uses the kids to get to me. I set boundaries and then give in only to allow myself to be abused again and again thereby prolonging the pain and trauma. He has been in another relationship for the last year. For some reason I am too scared deep down to let go. Even though I want to let go and get to the lifeboat. I need to let go. That is where I am at. I guess the only way to let go is to do the healing and go inwards. I have tried to do that but I think I do it so occasionally that I don’t really give it a chance. I think I am scared of failing or it not working for me. So i cling on to what I know which gets me nowhere. This video reinforces what I need to do. I think you are amazing Mel. Sash

    • angela228@me.com'
      Angela
      October 29, 2016

      We need to be like Marlin in Finding Nemo, when Dory tells him to let go of the whale.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Sash,

      truly … so MANY of us have been where you are – and we only escaped that total emotional imprisonment and torture when we DID do the work on our Inner Being.

      It is the way – not just to get free, but also to become the most incredible Self and Life we imagined.

      Many of us had been doing personal development for years Sash, before we found a direct and real way to heal … are you we working with NARP?

      Because super tools that work on the subconscious is what is required for significant trauma … when cognitive stuff, and even meditative / spiritual practices may not cut it.

      Yes, hun it is a TOTAL commitment – and when we have had enough of the pain we let go and take it …

      We are all here to hold you when you do.

      Mel xo

      • casting@sasharobertson.com'
        Sasha Robertson
        October 31, 2016

        Thanks so much for replying Mel
        I read all your emails and watch your videos. And it all makes so much sense to me. I am trying to do the NARP but I do find it hard to find the space and time to do it without being interrupted etc. so I maybe only do it once a week. I have been working on the hour long module 1 more recently. I am so tired of the pain and also the hold he still seems to have over me. I run my own business (but I just can’t give it the energy it needs at the moment and am struggling with maintaining it) and have great friends, family and 2 amazing kids (who have been affected by all of this). They can see the pull this guy has over me and the manipulation he uses. He is my weakness but I realise it’s now about me and going inwards. I smoke too much and feel I am in trauma and very depleted of energy, even tho I left him 18 months ago and have managed to move into a new beautiful home. I feel that everyone around me thinks I should have moved on but I carry this pain and trauma around with me all the time. It does defy logic and I get frustrated with myself for still feeling like this especially when I can see his behaviour and language is so very wrong. I also weaken at times and allow him into my space and repeat the abusive pattern. I feel it is deep inside of me and realise I am the only one who can release this with the help of NARP. I will keep on. I think I worry that it might not work for me. Fear of letting go and fear of failure it seems. I am very grateful for all you do. Sash xx

  • annab1110@gmail.com'
    anna britz
    October 28, 2016

    I can only endorse what you are saying Melanie. That was me, firmly believing that I could not live without him. He was my very breath, my life-force. I could literally feel my body dying without him, as my spirit and soul had done. Only two or three days ago I let go and woke up to the realisation that I am still living. I am stronger than he and I both thought. I have only discovered your site and other true information a few weeks ago and joined your program. I urge all of you who identify with this to continue on this road. Thank God and thank you all, for being here, making help available.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Anna,

      That is so wonderful you are on NARP now and ready to do the work.

      Your salvation and soul recovery can begin dear lady!

      Bless you and you are so welcome 🙂

      So true, Anna, thanks go out to soooooo many people. The MTE Team and this Community are FULL of angels!

      Mel xo

  • gd@niwh.org'
    Iris
    October 29, 2016

    Melanie,
    Whatever was going on to the left, right and in front of you was very distracting that you kept looking left, right and playing with something in front of you. I have watched many of your videos and I had to just listen to this video and not watch it because it was very distracting.

    Were you adjusting the filming?

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      October 29, 2016

      Hi Iris,

      technology and I have the strangest relationship at the best of times! 😉

      Its new stuff in training!

      It will improve!

      Mel xo

  • Magnificure@gmail.com'
    Charlene
    October 29, 2016

    I realize that he had become my God until first and foremost I got sober…the next step without even realizing it I got myself back to God and hung on until I could understand what had happened to me…I still cling to God more so than ever my one True God, my higher power, I pray for guidance, solace, peace, self control and understanding….I come from an extremely physical and emotionally abusive and Narcisitic childhood…so at 50 yrs old I feel as vulnerable as a child trying to sift through me and understand what I need to do and have the compassion for myself that I have never known how to do..when I try to see myself through Gods eyes my self treatment softens..it is a daily thing, since I have been coming back to self, all kinds of emtions are coming up from one day to the next..My goal is to be my best self partner that I can be…the issue is how? Where do I Begin?…I guess right where I am..I am also learning that forgiveness with understanding of what has happened has helped me to let go and move forward,,,this enables me to let go of the sinking boat and rely on myself and the God of my understanding to guide me to the life raft,

  • sueperreca@gmail.com'
    Susanna McCoy
    October 29, 2016

    I agree wholeheartedly with the premise of the video. My father narc told us when we were growing up ‘Your Dondanella will always take care of you’ making himself above God. When I joined a spiritual community which I loved, he acted like it did not exist- even though I lived there for 15 years. I did not know why he seemed jealous of it until my AA sponsor suggested a few years ago that he might be a narcissist. By that time I had left my beloved community and ended up back in my parents house. I have told my support group, I know my higher power wants me to be free of my attachment to him–and I was going through yet another depression when I came upon one the video series from NARP. I was ripe and ready and when the students ready the teacher will appear.

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 3, 2016

      Hi Susanna,

      I am so pleased you found this Community, and that you are healing.

      Bless you dear soul!

      Mel xo

  • Katieshopsalways@aol.com'
    Katie
    October 30, 2016

    Excellent! Will you post this in written form on your blog!

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 3, 2016

      Hi Katie,

      The videos, I am sorry, do not come in written form – only the blog articles.

      Mel xo

  • carol89107@gmail.com'
    Carol
    October 30, 2016

    I have spent 19 yrs in what I now understand is a narc relationship. My losses are in line with everyone else’s and need no explanation. In the last yr I’ve tried to “escape” 4x, and even had no contact for 105 hrs, but shamefully went back for some more. I’ve also read 47 books, 2 & 3 times each in search of “the answer” to why I couldn’t get myself out of this RIDICULOUS and dangerous circus. In the last 6 wks, I discovered your videos/radio shows. Have been devouring literally everything you have out there and am doing the internal work you prescribe. It became quicly obvious that I’ve been letting a traumatized toddler dictate important decisions as well as plan/manage areas of my life in lieu of a responsible healthy adult. A humbling, but mostly liberating/welcome discovery. I am seeing my evolution every single day and my close friends and family are asking what I am doing differently. Looking fwd to posting news of my final, forever exodus out of this surreal world because I know you quietly, steadfastly hold the light for those of us in these situations to “consciously” make that happen. I sincerely cannot express my gratitude deeply enough for the work you do!!!

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 3, 2016

      Hi Carol,

      it is so wonderful … that you have been able to find the truth as to what the hooks are, and that you have been doing the work on them.

      Yes I do hold the light and I am so thrilled for you Carol that you are walking into it.

      Bless you and you are so welcome!

      Mel xo

  • darcylynnb@hotmail.com'
    Darcy
    October 30, 2016

    Powerful video, as always and such an important reminder to commit, commit, commit to the work! Thank you for emphasizing that we must place our focus on self-partnering and keep that focus!

    • melanie@melanietoniaevans.com'
      Melanie Tonia Evans
      November 3, 2016

      Hi Darcy,

      my pleasure …

      It’s great that you are understanding that total message 🙂

      Mel xo

  • angelaff2000@yahoo.com'
    Angela K
    October 31, 2016

    Is there a transcript of this? (Thank you)

  • Justlizrock@hotmail.com'
    Liz
    November 2, 2016

    One of the things I struggle with is how I still give her power after a huge discard and cold mean treatment prior. Seeing her off partying and loving life, hurts me so much. How come we still give power away to these people? Even after they have thrown us in the garbage?

  • rv@comcast.net'
    Bob
    January 4, 2017

    This has been a real learning experience for me… I wanted to say thanks to Mel and everyone here. My narc discarded me most recently on Dec 15 and was back with her “ex” (who of course is going through the same thing as me) almost immediately. Like many of you, I was lost, abandoned, did not know how to go on. This discard was only the most recent in a long history of discards spanning over 18 months. She did have a concussion about a year ago, and frequently blamed her bad decision making and inability to process information, and being overwhelmed and shutting down/going back to her ex on the concussion. I was completely hooked. I constantly did whatever I could to help her in any way possible, and the contortions I did were exhausting.

    I guess I chose to not see this coming, despite being college educated, very successful in my field, confident, strong, and happy. I was a good target, so it appears.

    I am sure many of you will relate, that when things were good (idolization), they were amazing and like nothing else, but within weeks, the cracks would appear. I was accused, devalued and then discarded and she would immediately go back to her ex, who of course was always waiting. While she was with her ex, she had no empathy whatsoever. I could not comprehend what happened and was left reeling. I cannot count how many times this cycle continued, and each time she would pull me back in. I tried to resist but I just couldn’t do it, and she would give me what would appear to be the most sincere apologies. To help others, some quotes that my narc said on only the idolization stage of the most recent cycle were:
    “This time will be different. I do not have the words to explain to you how I know that, so I will let my actions show you that this time it will be different”
    “I will never leave you”
    “If you were here, and he (the ex) showed up, I would not open the door. It would also be the same if you were not here”

    Being discarded and replaced again, my soul was destroyed and I felt like I was beyond recovery. There was no way I could go on without my best friend and soulmate, and I was in the lowest of low places. The holidays this year were miserable, and I was just trying to keep from jumping off the roof.

    And here is where everything changed for me. Some days ago, I started learning about narcs. I’ve never experienced anything like this situation prior, and had no idea that these cycles were a personality disorder, and instead often blamed myself. I missed/ignored all the red flags – the trail of utterly destroyed crippled men that she left behind who can never recover, her fear of being alone, and more. I realize now that she only loved the attention she was getting as a fix, like an addict which I was quick to supply. I feel I am on the right path now, and actually can and will recover. I have spent much time looking inward now, and realize how I gave my power to someone else, and that prior inner traumas need to be resolved to heal. Through the self-partnering process, I feel more relief now than I have felt in some time! I know that if this narc comes back for supply, to simply have no contact, as breaking that would only lead to further damage and destruction. I know I have barely started and still have lots of work to do, but the videos and blogs here have been immensely helpful to me, so I wanted to say thank you. I know I am saved and feel so much stronger now then only a short time ago where I was just about at rock bottom. If I did not find this information on this site, I would still be right where I was on Dec 30. Thanks to the profound truth presented here, I am in a completely different place, and on the right path now; I will surely continue healing and looking forward to the Feb webinar.

    I know that all this has been heard before, but I really cannot thank you enough – please keep up the great work!!!

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