Comments on: A Deeper Look At Idolise, Devalue, Discard – The 3 Phases Of Narcissistic Abuse Part 2

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Wed, 21 Aug 2019 01:23:31 +0000

In reply to Brooke.

Hi Brooke,

I am sorry that I won’t get into the deep logical details with you – because truly hun that is not going to help you. It’s wonderful that you are so aware, taking 100% responsibility to heal and that you are ready to.

The most powerful way that you can start getting relief, answers, clarity and your power back is to connect to my free inner transformational resources here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

Much love to you, thank you for your blessings and please feel mine to you.

You’ve got this Brooke, and I and this community have got you – you will see!

Mel 🙏💞💛

By: Brooke

Brooke — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 21:53:21 +0000

Hi Melanie,
First off thank you for all of this information, since I was discarded by my narc recently (and in the most cruel fashion) I know you understand, I have been searching for answers and have gained so much knowledge and understanding about the dynamics of the empath/ narc relationship. But by far your article here has been the most helpful, and on so many levels, I want to continue hearing and learning information from you , because in just these few short hours of finding you, I have gained such insight and feel more hopeful now, it resonates in my spirit as truth and actually what I have been needing. I wont keep you but I have a really serious question, okay this was my 2nd long term relationship with these cluster B disordered type of ppl. My 1st was a sociopath, and after a 5 yr relationship I was discarded the day after my mom passed away, he had taken my car and wouldn’t bring it back. I was devastated and was crying in the shower for God to just take me, when I got out and while combing my hair my own voice said out loud to myself “what do you expect he is a sociopath”. I had no prior knowledge of any narc, or branch of “pathy” and I have always felt that was the Lord, bringing me up to speed on what I was dealing with there. A hard one to swallow, and recover from for sure. I researched then and learned that I am a target to these kinds of soul suckers, due to being raised as an only child to a mother with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and because of this I am overly empathetic. My mother and I had a very unhealthy enmeshed relationship and honestly she was so unhealthy physically towards the end that even with all I have learned now, I would not leave her. She didn’t raise me to be separate from her and I felt responsible, not in an obligation or burdened type of way but in a way where I wanted to make sure she was alright. No matter the sacrifice or interference it caused in my life to stay with her, and at times tolerating things I shouldn’t in order to be healthy , it always felt better then the alternative of abandoning her, and then worrying if she was alright. She didn’t threaten suicide ever (I hear that is common for BPD,) but I just felt like she wouldn’t be alright without me, especially if I left on bad terms and stayed gone. I assumed she would die without me. It sounds funny but I still feel like that, that somehow something would happen and she would die because I left and I would have to live with that. It wasn’t worth the possibility to me, thus remain sick, right? Good logical thinking there, no?( lol sorry, I see how dysfunctional this sounds, and it is.) . Needless to say I have attachment issues. and it seems to be a learned behavior to stay in an unhealthy relationship, to be abused, and not have the proper boundaries in place to protect myself. Now in my moms defense, she really did the best that she could for me, she loved me more than anyone ever has, and I really miss her, and I miss being that important to someone it was something I took for granted. She was sick (mentally), and she did it all on her own to the best of her ability. i loved my mom a lot, she had a lot of really admirable qualities, But it is a relief now that she is gone, especially now that our lifestyle would have been so different and we didn’t have the comfort of having the money we once had, she wasn’t used to roughing it too much, and she was a smoker with COPD and couldn’t breath towards the end . But back to my question, fast forward to my latest relationship that led me to you, he was a covert narc, and it wasn’t until the discard stage that I became aware, in retrospect I am like “duh Brooke how did you miss it? the bastard was telling you all along what he is all about.” And I am blown away, obsessing on it and feeling very disposable and broken, low self image and beat down lower than ever, My question is when i go into myself to parent the child in me that didn’t get what she needed, I am partly angry at my dad for not being there. for being a behavioral therapist now and knowing that he had me with someone who was mentally ill and then abandoned me to start another family when I was just 6yrs old. And knowing that life would be difficult for me, how could you just cut and burn like that? How has it not haunted you all these years, and til this day? Why have you not felt the need to apologize to me for being such a deadbeat dad? Is part of my healing from this confronting him about this, or addressing it? or can I do that within myself too? what I am asking is I pretty much know when the little girl in me became injured and suffered the damage that I still carry with me til this day in various ways, and knowing that has not been enough to close those doors. I have cried for that little girl, and I understand her and I love her, she is totally lovable, despite her faults there isn’t anything to not adore about her, she has great qualities coming from a good heart.There are things I would like for her to change, I wish I wasn’t so empathetic, I feel like I am taken advantage of a lot which pisses me off, cos I am not supposed to be a push over. I realize that you show ppl how to treat you, and thus far I don’t like whatever it is that I am showing ppl.. What I am saying is that I want that break through moment to happen for me too, that moment of clarity when your whole perspective changes and shifts into a higher mode or plain or something. I want to do whatever work I need to in order to get there. I have been wanting to grow and move past all the baggage and bullshit I bring with me to almost every situation and relationship that I have or experience. Not everything is unhealthy or a shit storm I don’t mean to give the impression that I am a total mess, I just want to be better to feel better and basically to know that I won’t keep repeating these devastating relationships and being conned. I need the spirit of discernment. I need direction. And I need discipline. Any advice or input on what I should do, or work on would be great. Sorry I made this so long, I had more to say then I thought. Thank you again, you are helping a lot of people and shining some light in the darkness that we have all suffered at the hands of these lost and soulless entities we were tricked into loving. Thanks again for you time, you are making a difference. God bless always.

By: Lizbeth

Lizbeth — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 01:38:54 +0000

In my situation the Narc is my father in-law. After many years of demeaning me or challenging my perspective on many many topics (etc) he has finally declared he has to distance himself from me because I am unpleasant with him, dislike him and he no longer considers me part of the family. Over the recent years I have tried different approaches from speaking up to becoming a gray rock. Though my husband understands what is going on and sides with me, he strongly wants to maintain contact with his father, understandably. I have taken the position that I have wasted enough time and energy and no longer want any contact. My husband supports me, though he is saddened by the outcome. I do acknowledge that I somehow let this Narc be my judged and will work on that…
My question is do you think this is the best outcome; or does this (cleavage he created between my husband and i) somehow feeds him more supply. I wish the gray rock would have worked but it’s not at all my personality. And anyways he would always find a way to blame me for something. I think it’s best to cut ties,I am just looking forward to stop the obsession, getting him out of my head, and no longer care. Not there yet.
Liz

By: http://www./

http://www./ — Fri, 30 Dec 2016 06:27:12 +0000

In reply to Maya. Gordon, regarding your “creative Apache rules”: it appears that each of the 4 trackback spam attempts came from different IPs, but each time, 7 seconds before the spam, there was a read of that page from 205.218.67.174. I’ve used iptables to block access from that particular IP. We’ll see if it helps.

By: http://www./

http://www./ — Fri, 25 Nov 2016 12:59:54 +0000

In reply to Maya. If you wrote an article about life we'd all reach enlightenment.

By: Cherie_Blossom

Cherie_Blossom — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 00:48:07 +0000

After browsing through your website for a couple of weeks now recovering from an excruciatingly painful ectopic pregnancy by myself after the ex-N discarded me (a doctor who couldn’t care less about my life-threatening medical condition… Logic alone couldn’t explain why I’d still long for him), I’ve finally had my “Ah Ah” moment through this article!

All this pain, all this suffering, was NOT in vain. The N was a big bright spotlight on the wounds that plagued me since as long as I can remember. It’s time I stop waiting for others fix me. What a relief to realize that I have the power to fix myself!!

By: Jodi

Jodi — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 20:27:49 +0000

Yeah that’s what I’m talking about ba–ybnice work!

By: tanja

tanja — Thu, 17 Mar 2016 15:54:58 +0000

In reply to Kim. Hello Tamara, I was with my Narc for 14 years, 14 years that I can't get back but I am looking forward to the rest of my years without him. Going no contact is hard because you still carry him in your heart. It not easy but it can be done, trust me. Look at it this way, since we only have one life to live do you honestly want this man back in your life since you know that he not ever going to change? Do you want to continue to give your love to this man that don't know what love is? The love you have for him put it back into your self. Your ideals and beliefs are not destroyed, you just gave it to the wrong man. Focus on you and take your time to really understand about Narcissist.These people are real and scary and once you do, you will understand why you are going no contact for a reason.

By: tanja

tanja — Thu, 17 Mar 2016 15:53:47 +0000

In reply to Tamara. Hello Tamara, I was with my Narc for 14 years, 14 years that I can't get back but I am looking forward to the rest of my years without him. Going no contact is hard because you still carry him in your heart. It not easy but it can be done, trust me. Look at it this way, since we only have one life to live do you honestly want this man back in your life since you know that he not ever going to change? Do you want to continue to give your love to this man that don't know what love is? The love you have for him put it back into your self. Your ideals and beliefs are not destroyed, you just gave it to the wrong man. Focus on you and take your time to really understand about Narcissist.These people are real and scary and once you do, you will understand why you are going no contact for a reason.