Melanie Tonia Evans

The Futility Of “I Will Be Happy When…”

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Life is full of many incredible ironies, and the more we get to understand how life really works, and Who We Really Are, we can begin to understand what does serves us is not what we have been programmed and conditioned to think. The operative work in the above sentence is ‘think’. The information in today’s article is a sharing of my personal journey and the path I am connected to presently. This path fascinates me and excites me beyond anything I have ever felt and experienced emotionally and vibrationally before, and I am literally stunned by how pure and simple it can be. (more…)

Life is full of many incredible ironies, and the more we get to understand how life really works, and Who We Really Are, we can begin to understand what does serves us is not what we have been programmed and conditioned to think.

The operative work in the above sentence is ‘think’.

The information in today’s article is a sharing of my personal journey and the path I am connected to presently.

This path fascinates me and excites me beyond anything I have ever felt and experienced emotionally and vibrationally before, and I am literally stunned by how pure and simple it can be.

How To Let Go Of Blame And Claim Your Personal Power

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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It is so easy when we have been hurt to move into the normal human response of ‘blaming’. “Something feels wrong, and someone has to be responsible for this wrong feeling.” We then quickly move into blaming. Please understand that by ‘blaming’ I mean believing: “I am in this circumstance because of what someone else did. What they did was wrong/immoral/etc.” (more…)

It is so easy when we have been hurt to move into the normal human response of ‘blaming’.

“Something feels wrong, and someone has to be responsible for this wrong feeling.”

We then quickly move into blaming.

Please understand that by ‘blaming’ I mean believing:

“I am in this circumstance because of what someone else did. What they did was wrong/immoral/etc.”

Holding On To Resentment Makes You Powerless

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Most of us know what it is like to feel angry, resentful and even to have strong feelings of hate towards someone. These feelings may only last a short time, or you may have been carrying these feelings for years. By holding resentment towards other people you are effectively shifting the blame onto someone else. “The reason for my unsatisfying experience is because of his or her actions.” This stifles the healing process, because when we make it someone else’s job to provide us with love, support and safety then we have to wait for them to fix it for us. This leaves us powerless… (more…)

Most of us know what it is like to feel angry, resentful and even to have strong feelings of hate towards someone.

These feelings may only last a short time, or you may have been carrying these feelings for years.

By holding resentment towards other people you are effectively shifting the blame onto someone else. “The reason for my unsatisfying experience is because of his or her actions.”

This stifles the healing process, because when we make it someone else’s job to provide us with love, support and safety then we have to wait for them to fix it for us. This leaves us powerless…

When Is The Pain Going To End?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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So many people ask me after leaving the narcissist and beginning No Contact, “When is the pain going to end?” This is a universal question, and one that defies all logic. You see, it isn’t normal. If it were normal, after escaping horrific abuse, you would feel relief. But nothing could be further from the truth. There are so many addictive aspects of being tied up in narcissistic abuse, which you can read about in my article Trauma Bonding - Is it Love or Something Else? By reading this article you will realise that your body has to literally detoxify the addiction to the narcissist, the pain, and the addiction in trying to receive normality from insanity. (more…)

So many people ask me after leaving the narcissist and beginning No Contact, “When is the pain going to end?”

This is a universal question, and one that defies all logic.

You see, it isn’t normal. If it were normal, after escaping horrific abuse, you would feel relief.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

There are so many addictive aspects of being tied up in narcissistic abuse, which you can read about in my article Trauma Bonding – Is it Love or Something Else? By reading this article you will realise that your body has to literally detoxify the addiction to the narcissist, the pain, and the addiction in trying to receive normality from insanity.

Why Do We Keep Doing Things We Know Are Bad For Us?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Have you ever wondered why it is that you keep doing the things that you just don’t want to keep doing? Are you suffering from the frustration of trying to break free from your patterns that you know aren’t serving you? How many times do we pick up that cigarette after 4 days of not smoking, or eat that whole slice of chocolate cake, and then two more when we promised ourself that we would only take a slither? I know I have struggled with a number of addictions in my life; from alcohol, cigarettes and of course... relationships. I would continually repeat the behaviour that I knew was bad for me. And burn a lot of energy beating myself up in the process. (more…)

Have you ever wondered why it is that you keep doing the things that you just don’t want to keep doing? Are you suffering from the frustration of trying to break free from your patterns that you know aren’t serving you?

How many times do we pick up that cigarette after 4 days of not smoking, or eat that whole slice of chocolate cake, and then two more when we promised ourself that we would only take a slither?

I know I have struggled with a number of addictions in my life; from alcohol, cigarettes and of course… relationships. I would continually repeat the behaviour that I knew was bad for me. And burn a lot of energy beating myself up in the process.

Stop Being The Scapegoat

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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When you are living with narcissistic abuse, you may have felt like everything is your fault. When you understand and become more versed on how narcissists operate, you begin to realise that narcissists project their disowned unacceptable parts on to you and make you out to be the enemy. Narcissists whittle, and blast away at your self-worth and self-belief, and because the arguments and tirades become so disturbing, so exhausting and so painful you will at these times be constantly defending yourself, fighting for your integrity and trying against all odds to prove that you are a good person with integrity, and it’s the narcissist that is actually these things which he or she is accusing you of. (more…)

When you are living with narcissistic abuse, you may have felt like everything is your fault.

When you understand and become more versed on how narcissists operate, you begin to realise that narcissists project their disowned unacceptable parts on to you and make you out to be the enemy.

Narcissists whittle, and blast away at your self-worth and self-belief, and because the arguments and tirades become so disturbing, so exhausting and so painful you will at these times be constantly defending yourself, fighting for your integrity and trying against all odds to prove that you are a good person with integrity, and it’s the narcissist that is actually these things which he or she is accusing you of.

Why Is Life So Hard And How Do We Change That?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Life can definitely feel hard. When connected to narcissistic abuse it feels agonising, victimised and anguished. It is like all of our worst nightmares have come to bear. The truth is all of this feels terrible. It feels terrible because it is not the truth of who we are... Who we really are is: Love, Truth, Sincerity, Support, Gentleness and Happiness, and because what is going on in our life feels so far away from that, when narcissistically abused, we feel like we are in total torment. (more…)

Life can definitely feel hard. When connected to narcissistic abuse it feels agonising, victimised and anguished.

It is like all of our worst nightmares have come to bear.

The truth is all of this feels terrible. It feels terrible because it is not the truth of who we are…

Who we really are is: Love, Truth, Sincerity, Support, Gentleness and Happiness, and because what is going on in our life feels so far away from that, when narcissistically abused, we feel like we are in total torment.

The Outer and the Inner – What Is Life Showing Us?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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I know that many of us think that we are there with our unhealed inner programs. We may have thought because we had done so much work on ourself, that we had it right, and we’d moved into the space of receiving a great life experience. Then bang! Something happens in our life that feels like a major catastrophe. Maybe a relationship that you thought was for life breaks down, maybe you lose your job, or maybe something in your life who you vowed and declared that you could trust turns on you. (more…)

I know that many of us think that we are there with our unhealed inner programs. We may have thought because we had done so much work on ourself, that we had it right, and we’d moved into the space of receiving a great life experience.

Then bang! Something happens in our life that feels like a major catastrophe. Maybe a relationship that you thought was for life breaks down, maybe you lose your job, or maybe something in your life who you vowed and declared that you could trust turns on you.

How You Can Work With Pain To Avoid Suffering

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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All of us know about suffering and pain. There is so much of it in narcissistic relationships. In fact it is synonymous with narcissistic abuse, and the aftershock of abuse. I would really like you, though, to understand what pain and suffering really is. Pain is inevitable; it is a part of life. Emotional pain occurs in our life when something occurs that is not to our liking. Pain happens when the ‘what is’ is not what ‘we want it to be’. (more…)

All of us know about suffering and pain.

There is so much of it in narcissistic relationships.

In fact it is synonymous with narcissistic abuse, and the aftershock of abuse.

I would really like you, though, to understand what pain and suffering really is.

Pain is inevitable; it is a part of life. Emotional pain occurs in our life when something occurs that is not to our liking. Pain happens when the ‘what is’ is not what ‘we want it to be’.

Taking Personal Responsibility – Your #1 Tool To Get Your Recovery Started

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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In last week’s episode of Empowered Love Radio I talked about one of the fundamental actions you must take in order to recover. In fact, those who grasp this topic start moving forward rapidly, as opposed to those who don’t. If you haven’t listened to this show yet you can do so now (it will compliment this blog post perfectly). Gettting Love Right: Who is Responsible For Our Wellbeing? (more…)

In last week’s episode of Empowered Love Radio I talked about one of the fundamental actions you must take in order to recover. In fact, those who grasp this topic start moving forward rapidly, as opposed to those who don’t. If you haven’t listened to this show yet you can do so now (it will compliment this blog post perfectly).

Gettting Love Right: Who is Responsible For Our Wellbeing?