Melanie Tonia Evans

Conquering The Terror Of Being With Another Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It is very healthy, normal and human to want to love and be loved – and one of the grandest ways we can experience this is through intimate love relationships. Yet, after having our hearts, souls and life smashed by narcissists, we may concede it is safer to go without love at this level than ever run the risk of being abused again. Or … maybe we are trying to find love, yet are continually experiencing connections with men and women, which are disappointing, painful or even downright scary! I totally GET IT … That is exactly how I used to feel as well after being narcissistically abused. Initially, I was alone for three and half years, because any time I tried to date, the only people who were coming into my orbit were seriously disordered and unsuitable … and I felt even more traumatised as a result of trying. (more…)

 

It is very healthy, normal and human to want to love and be loved – and one of the grandest ways we can experience this is through intimate love relationships.

Yet, after having our hearts, souls and life smashed by narcissists, we may concede it is safer to go without love at this level than ever run the risk of being abused again.

Or … maybe we are trying to find love, yet are continually experiencing connections with men and women, which are disappointing, painful or even downright scary!

I totally GET IT … That is exactly how I used to feel as well after being narcissistically abused.

Initially, I was alone for three and half years, because any time I tried to date, the only people who were coming into my orbit were seriously disordered and unsuitable … and I felt even more traumatised as a result of trying.

How To Break The Psychic Connection With A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I truly believe the hardest bond to break with a narcissist is the one we can’t see … The psychic tie. So many people report this – the terrible feeling like the narcissist still lives on inside of them – the abusive voice in their head, the reoccurring nightmares … and the feeling like the narcissist is coursing through their veins like shards of ice, or a foul black ink. When we are living with this psychic infiltration we feel polluted. We feel like we may NEVER get free of this feeling. And it is so hard to exist with it … because our Life-force is being sucked out of us no matter what we do to block, cut off or escape the connection. (more…)

 

I truly believe the hardest bond to break with a narcissist is the one we can’t see …

The psychic tie.

So many people report this – the terrible feeling like the narcissist still lives on inside of them – the abusive voice in their head, the reoccurring nightmares … and the feeling like the narcissist is coursing through their veins like shards of ice, or a foul black ink.

When we are living with this psychic infiltration we feel polluted.

We feel like we may NEVER get free of this feeling.

And it is so hard to exist with it … because our Life-force is being sucked out of us no matter what we do to block, cut off or escape the connection.

What To Do If You Feel Like You’re Too Old To Recover From Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  This is one of the most painful questions people ask … It is so understandable, after being narcissistically abused, to think that you have thrown the best years of your life away … and that it’s now too late to create a great life. And let’s face it – it’s very unlikely that you have ended a relationship in a supported state, where you are healthy, happy and buoyantly able to move forward. In fact, the exact opposite is usually true – you’ve lost a lot, and especially your confidence and faith in Life and yourself. You may have been set back years – emotionally, mentally, physically and financially. And of course it feels like the dreams that you had worked hard to accomplish have been thwarted! (more…)

 

This is one of the most painful questions people ask …

It is so understandable, after being narcissistically abused, to think that you have thrown the best years of your life away … and that it’s now too late to create a great life.

And let’s face it – it’s very unlikely that you have ended a relationship in a supported state, where you are healthy, happy and buoyantly able to move forward.

In fact, the exact opposite is usually true – you’ve lost a lot, and especially your confidence and faith in Life and yourself.

You may have been set back years – emotionally, mentally, physically and financially.

And of course it feels like the dreams that you had worked hard to accomplish have been thwarted!

How To Survive A Break Up With A Narcissist – Part 2

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Last week in How To Survive a Breakup With a Narcissist – Part 1, we delved deeply into the emotions that we can all struggle with when breaking up with narcissists. All of those parts of ourselves which are now highly triggered and activated. The unconscious parts that deeply need our love … are even more so in panic when we breakup with narcissists, and it is very usual for us to feel hooked and dependent on the narcissist. And that’s disastrous – because this is someone who is not going to assist our panic and insecure feelings. (more…)

 

Last week in How To Survive a Breakup With a Narcissist – Part 1, we delved deeply into the emotions that we can all struggle with when breaking up with narcissists.

All of those parts of ourselves which are now highly triggered and activated.

The unconscious parts that deeply need our love … are even more so in panic when we breakup with narcissists, and it is very usual for us to feel hooked and dependent on the narcissist.

And that’s disastrous – because this is someone who is not going to assist our panic and insecure feelings.

What Happens When We Assign The Narcissist As Our God?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  The narcissist seems all powerful. He or she dictates whether you feel good, bad, happy or sad. And, no matter how badly the narcissist treats you, your spirit may feel like it is literally dying without the narcissist. You know deep down that going back to them will only led to more trauma, terror, panic and feelings of soul devastation. So how can you break the bondage of assigning the narcissist as your God and let go of the agonizing thoughts that make you feel like you will be lifeless without them? Find out in this week’s Thriver Tv episode. (more…)

 

The narcissist seems all powerful.

He or she dictates whether you feel good, bad, happy or sad.

And, no matter how badly the narcissist treats you, your spirit may feel like it is literally dying without the narcissist.

You know deep down that going back to them will only led to more trauma, terror, panic and feelings of soul devastation.

So how can you break the bondage of assigning the narcissist as your God and let go of the agonizing thoughts that make you feel like you will be lifeless without them?

Find out in this week’s Thriver Tv episode.

Why Breaking No Contact Doesn’t Mean You Are Back To Square One

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Breaking No Contact after days, weeks or even months of battling the urge to …. can feel so self-defeating. It feels like everything we went through was to no avail. It feels like we have to start all over again – because we are back to square one. But are we REALLY? In this week’s Thriver Tv episode, you will learn how this is in fact the exact opposite … (more…)

 

Breaking No Contact after days, weeks or even months of battling the urge to …. can feel so self-defeating.

It feels like everything we went through was to no avail.

It feels like we have to start all over again – because we are back to square one.

But are we REALLY?

In this week’s Thriver Tv episode, you will learn how this is in fact the exact opposite …

How To Stop Trying To Help The Narcissist Whilst Destroying Yourself In The Process

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  So many people with wonderful hearts who radiate empathy and compassion, have tried to help narcissists. But it doesn’t work. In fact, it leaves them broken, empty and even lifeless. Why? And how can we heal from this? Learn exactly why, as well as how to heal from this tendency, in this week’s Thriver Tv episode. (more…)

 

So many people with wonderful hearts who radiate empathy and compassion, have tried to help narcissists.

But it doesn’t work.

In fact, it leaves them broken, empty and even lifeless.

Why?

And how can we heal from this?

Learn exactly why, as well as how to heal from this tendency, in this week’s Thriver Tv episode.

Why Did We Fall For A Narcissist? Part 2

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Last week, in Part One, we explored the reasons why we fell for a narcissist and why it can be very difficult to leave and stay away. And why, in this Community, we DO struggle to end it and break free, whereas other people just don’t … even if they were initially hoodwinked by a narcissist. This week, in Part Two, I want to take a deep dive into the understanding of specifically why we were highly susceptible to narcissists, and may have felt (or still feel) it’s almost impossible to leave. Because it is my fullest intention – if this is your battle – to help free you from that. (more…)

 

Last week, in Part One, we explored the reasons why we fell for a narcissist and why it can be very difficult to leave and stay away.

And why, in this Community, we DO struggle to end it and break free, whereas other people just don’t … even if they were initially hoodwinked by a narcissist.

This week, in Part Two, I want to take a deep dive into the understanding of specifically why we were highly susceptible to narcissists, and may have felt (or still feel) it’s almost impossible to leave.

Because it is my fullest intention – if this is your battle – to help free you from that.

Cognitive Dissonance – How Our Mind Tricks Us Into Staying

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Cognitive Dissonance is a very important topic because it is something everyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse encounters. It is a normal human brain function that operates to protect us, but when we are trying to create a life free of abuse and stop getting hurt, and leave and hold No Contact ... It has the opposite effect. Even if you've learnt extensively about Cognitive Dissonance, this video will help shed light on WHY this phenomenon is really happening, how it makes it so difficult to leave and what you can do to free yourself from it. (more…)

 

Cognitive Dissonance is a very important topic because it is something everyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse encounters.

It is a normal human brain function that operates to protect us, but when we are trying to create a life free of abuse and stop getting hurt, and leave and hold No Contact …

It has the opposite effect.

Even if you’ve learnt extensively about Cognitive Dissonance, this video will help shed light on WHY this phenomenon is really happening, how it makes it so difficult to leave and what you can do to free yourself from it.

Why Did We Fall For A Narcissist? Part 1

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It’s a great question – and one that if we could answer truthfully could help inoculate ourselves against another narcissist, as well as provide the remedy for others so that they never have to experience one. There are two trains of thought in regard to the answer of this. The most obvious answer in standard abuse communities is … because a narcissist is a consummate actor who is a con-man or con-woman. And the second, which is the healing premise of the Thriver Community, is … because I had unfinished business. There are some emotional gaps within me that the narcissist was able to infiltrate my boundaries with and hook me with. I believe to an extent that both answers are true. But … there is a very important distinction and truth that also needs to be acknowledged here. (more…)

 

It’s a great question – and one that if we could answer truthfully could help inoculate ourselves against another narcissist, as well as provide the remedy for others so that they never have to experience one.

There are two trains of thought in regard to the answer of this.

The most obvious answer in standard abuse communities is … because a narcissist is a consummate actor who is a con-man or con-woman.

And the second, which is the healing premise of the Thriver Community, is … because I had unfinished business. There are some emotional gaps within me that the narcissist was able to infiltrate my boundaries with and hook me with.

I believe to an extent that both answers are true.

But … there is a very important distinction and truth that also needs to be acknowledged here.