Melanie Tonia Evans

Why Narcissists Are So Cruel To You But Kind To Everyone Else

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  When you start trying to explain the behaviour of a narcissist to someone else, they will more often than not counter your words by saying … “But he is such a great guy!” You can see them thinking … “Why is she so ungrateful?” And of course many people outside of the family home love the narcissistic woman because she is so accommodating, hospitable and charming and is always there to help anyone in need. But, we know this is SO not our experience of them! (more…)

 

When you start trying to explain the behaviour of a narcissist to someone else, they will more often than not counter your words by saying …

“But he is such a great guy!”

You can see them thinking … “Why is she so ungrateful?”

And of course many people outside of the family home love the narcissistic woman because she is so accommodating, hospitable and charming and is always there to help anyone in need.

But, we know this is SO not our experience of them!

Flying Monkeys – The Minions Narcissists Use To Do Their Bidding

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Flying Monkeys is an expression that most people in narcissistic abuse communities know about. It’s used to describe the people who the narcissist convinces to do their bidding. Abuse by proxy (using other people to abuse us) is a such a common occurrence with narcissistic abuse, and in this episode I’m going to explain to you how to completely eradicate Flying Monkeys from your life – just as myself and thousands of other Thrivers have done. Because I know how awful it is to not only be dealing with the heartbreak and terror of what a narcissist is capable of doing to you … but to also have a minion of people hounding you and trying to bring you down is horrific. (more…)

 

Flying Monkeys is an expression that most people in narcissistic abuse communities know about.

It’s used to describe the people who the narcissist convinces to do their bidding.

Abuse by proxy (using other people to abuse us) is a such a common occurrence with narcissistic abuse, and in this episode I’m going to explain to you how to completely eradicate Flying Monkeys from your life – just as myself and thousands of other Thrivers have done.

Because I know how awful it is to not only be dealing with the heartbreak and terror of what a narcissist is capable of doing to you … but to also have a minion of people hounding you and trying to bring you down is horrific.

Why Do Narcissists Need To Manipulate?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Being with a narcissist is maddening … it feels crazy as we watch them manipulating with constant lies and twists and turns. We may feel like we are trying to preach to a child … “Why don’t you just be honest with people?” And in relation to the ways the narcissist treats us … we wring our hands in despair with, “Rather than play dirty, why don’t you just ask for what you want honestly?” Why on earth do they do what they do? Why do virtually all narcissists use the same manipulative tactics? (more…)

 

Being with a narcissist is maddening … it feels crazy as we watch them manipulating with constant lies and twists and turns.

We may feel like we are trying to preach to a child … “Why don’t you just be honest with people?”

And in relation to the ways the narcissist treats us … we wring our hands in despair with, “Rather than play dirty, why don’t you just ask for what you want honestly?”

Why on earth do they do what they do?

Why do virtually all narcissists use the same manipulative tactics?

Gaslighting – How A Narcissist Destroys You By Eroding Your Sanity

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  “Gaslighting” is an expression that many people in narcissistic abuse circles have heard. The term owes its origin to a 1938 play “Gas Light” and its 1944 film adaptation. It’s the insidious way narcissists get us to doubt our own sanity, and cause us to be twisted and turned into not knowing what is real or not real. Gaslighting is about untruths, or at the very least stretching facts. It is about punishing people and fabricating information to suit one’s own agenda. It is about confusing you, stripping your power and getting you to distrust yourself. (more…)

 

“Gaslighting” is an expression that many people in narcissistic abuse circles have heard.

The term owes its origin to a 1938 play “Gas Light” and its 1944 film adaptation.

It’s the insidious way narcissists get us to doubt our own sanity, and cause us to be twisted and turned into not knowing what is real or not real.

Gaslighting is about untruths, or at the very least stretching facts. It is about punishing people and fabricating information to suit one’s own agenda.

It is about confusing you, stripping your power and getting you to distrust yourself.

5 Steps To Ignoring A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you. Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away. This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out. That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head. (more…)

 

Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you.

Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away.

This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out.

That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head.

Why Grey Rock Alone Won’t Keep You Safe From Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  If you have asked for help on the internet or read articles on how to deal with a narcissist, chances are you have heard of the The Grey Rock Method. If you haven't heard of it, the Grey Rock Method involves switching off, showing no emotion and providing nothing that attracts a narcissist into granting energy back – by us becoming so boring and lifeless to the narcissist that they simply don't see us as a source of supply any more. Using the Grey Rock method is intended to help us reach the biggest goal we have with a narcissist, which is to detach and get well … mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. But often detaching and offering up “no energy”, to cut off narcissistic supply to narcissist, isn’t enough for us to get there … (more…)

 

If you have asked for help on the internet or read articles on how to deal with a narcissist, chances are you have heard of the The Grey Rock Method.

If you haven’t heard of it, the Grey Rock Method involves switching off, showing no emotion and providing nothing that attracts a narcissist into granting energy back – by us becoming so boring and lifeless to the narcissist that they simply don’t see us as a source of supply any more.

Using the Grey Rock method is intended to help us reach the biggest goal we have with a narcissist, which is to detach and get well … mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.

But often detaching and offering up “no energy”, to cut off narcissistic supply to narcissist, isn’t enough for us to get there …

How To Set Boundaries With A Narcissist If You Can’t Go No Contact

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  If you’ve been a member of this community for more than a little while, you will know I passionately believe it's best to create No Contact with a toxic person as soon as possible. This grants you the space to turn inward and begin healing yourself, without the daily episodes that trigger your deepest unconscious wounds, sending you ten steps backwards, rather than making your way forward. But what if this person is not someone you can cut out of your life right away? You might have children or an existing business with this person, or an ongoing settlement or divorce that hasn’t taken place yet. (more…)

 

If you’ve been a member of this community for more than a little while, you will know I passionately believe it’s best to create No Contact with a toxic person as soon as possible.

This grants you the space to turn inward and begin healing yourself, without the daily episodes that trigger your deepest unconscious wounds, sending you ten steps backwards, rather than making your way forward.

But what if this person is not someone you can cut out of your life right away?

You might have children or an existing business with this person, or an ongoing settlement or divorce that hasn’t taken place yet.

Can A Narcissist Be Cured?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It is such a gut wrenching experience to finally accept that someone you put your total love and faith into (in the case of a love partner) or had a unique and special bond with (in the case of a family member, friend or co-worker) is a narcissist. And it’s no wonder I get questions like this all the time … "Why do some people have the capacity to change while others don’t?" "Why as a society are we turning our back on narcissists?” "Isn't there a possibility if I love them enough, or work hard enough on our relationship that I can help them change?" (more…)

 

It is such a gut wrenching experience to finally accept that someone you put your total love and faith into (in the case of a love partner) or had a unique and special bond with (in the case of a family member, friend or co-worker) is a narcissist.

And it’s no wonder I get questions like this all the time …

“Why do some people have the capacity to change while others don’t?”

“Why as a society are we turning our back on narcissists?”

“Isn’t there a possibility if I love them enough, or work hard enough on our relationship that I can help them change?”

Should You Tell A Narcissist Who They Really Are?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It can be a very emotional experience when we find the information that allows us to understand why this person behaves the way they do. And even though the information is shocking it makes so much sense. All the pieces add up.  And we realise we are not going crazy … and it’s NO wonder we feel like we are going through (possibly) the worst experience of our life. All those times we were blamed and told we were the crazy one now doesn’t seem to hold quite as much weight anymore. And at this time it is very likely to feel an intense urge to tell the narcissist who they really are. (more…)

 

It can be a very emotional experience when we find the information that allows us to understand why this person behaves the way they do.

And even though the information is shocking it makes so much sense.

All the pieces add up.

 And we realise we are not going crazy … and it’s NO wonder we feel like we are going through (possibly) the worst experience of our life.

All those times we were blamed and told we were the crazy one now doesn’t seem to hold quite as much weight anymore.

And at this time it is very likely to feel an intense urge to tell the narcissist who they really are.

How To Stop Trying To Help The Narcissist Whilst Destroying Yourself In The Process

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  So many people with wonderful hearts who radiate empathy and compassion, have tried to help narcissists. But it doesn’t work. In fact, it leaves them broken, empty and even lifeless. Why? And how can we heal from this? Learn exactly why, as well as how to heal from this tendency, in this week’s Thriver Tv episode. (more…)

 

So many people with wonderful hearts who radiate empathy and compassion, have tried to help narcissists.

But it doesn’t work.

In fact, it leaves them broken, empty and even lifeless.

Why?

And how can we heal from this?

Learn exactly why, as well as how to heal from this tendency, in this week’s Thriver Tv episode.