Melanie Tonia Evans

Why Grey Rock Alone Won’t Keep You Safe From Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  If you have asked for help on the internet or read articles on how to deal with a narcissist, chances are you have heard of the The Grey Rock Method. If you haven't heard of it, the Grey Rock Method involves switching off, showing no emotion and providing nothing that attracts a narcissist into granting energy back – by us becoming so boring and lifeless to the narcissist that they simply don't see us as a source of supply any more. Using the Grey Rock method is intended to help us reach the biggest goal we have with a narcissist, which is to detach and get well … mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. But often detaching and offering up “no energy”, to cut off narcissistic supply to narcissist, isn’t enough for us to get there … (more…)

 

If you have asked for help on the internet or read articles on how to deal with a narcissist, chances are you have heard of the The Grey Rock Method.

If you haven’t heard of it, the Grey Rock Method involves switching off, showing no emotion and providing nothing that attracts a narcissist into granting energy back – by us becoming so boring and lifeless to the narcissist that they simply don’t see us as a source of supply any more.

Using the Grey Rock method is intended to help us reach the biggest goal we have with a narcissist, which is to detach and get well … mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.

But often detaching and offering up “no energy”, to cut off narcissistic supply to narcissist, isn’t enough for us to get there …

How To Set Boundaries With A Narcissist If You Can’t Go No Contact

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  If you’ve been a member of this community for more than a little while, you will know I passionately believe it's best to create No Contact with a toxic person as soon as possible. This grants you the space to turn inward and begin healing yourself, without the daily episodes that trigger your deepest unconscious wounds, sending you ten steps backwards, rather than making your way forward. But what if this person is not someone you can cut out of your life right away? You might have children or an existing business with this person, or an ongoing settlement or divorce that hasn’t taken place yet. (more…)

 

If you’ve been a member of this community for more than a little while, you will know I passionately believe it’s best to create No Contact with a toxic person as soon as possible.

This grants you the space to turn inward and begin healing yourself, without the daily episodes that trigger your deepest unconscious wounds, sending you ten steps backwards, rather than making your way forward.

But what if this person is not someone you can cut out of your life right away?

You might have children or an existing business with this person, or an ongoing settlement or divorce that hasn’t taken place yet.

Can A Narcissist Be Cured?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It is such a gut wrenching experience to finally accept that someone you put your total love and faith into (in the case of a love partner) or had a unique and special bond with (in the case of a family member, friend or co-worker) is a narcissist. And it’s no wonder I get questions like this all the time … "Why do some people have the capacity to change while others don’t?" "Why as a society are we turning our back on narcissists?” "Isn't there a possibility if I love them enough, or work hard enough on our relationship that I can help them change?" (more…)

 

It is such a gut wrenching experience to finally accept that someone you put your total love and faith into (in the case of a love partner) or had a unique and special bond with (in the case of a family member, friend or co-worker) is a narcissist.

And it’s no wonder I get questions like this all the time …

“Why do some people have the capacity to change while others don’t?”

“Why as a society are we turning our back on narcissists?”

“Isn’t there a possibility if I love them enough, or work hard enough on our relationship that I can help them change?”

Should You Tell A Narcissist Who They Really Are?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It can be a very emotional experience when we find the information that allows us to understand why this person behaves the way they do. And even though the information is shocking it makes so much sense. All the pieces add up.  And we realise we are not going crazy … and it’s NO wonder we feel like we are going through (possibly) the worst experience of our life. All those times we were blamed and told we were the crazy one now doesn’t seem to hold quite as much weight anymore. And at this time it is very likely to feel an intense urge to tell the narcissist who they really are. (more…)

 

It can be a very emotional experience when we find the information that allows us to understand why this person behaves the way they do.

And even though the information is shocking it makes so much sense.

All the pieces add up.

 And we realise we are not going crazy … and it’s NO wonder we feel like we are going through (possibly) the worst experience of our life.

All those times we were blamed and told we were the crazy one now doesn’t seem to hold quite as much weight anymore.

And at this time it is very likely to feel an intense urge to tell the narcissist who they really are.

How To Stop Trying To Help The Narcissist Whilst Destroying Yourself In The Process

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  So many people with wonderful hearts who radiate empathy and compassion, have tried to help narcissists. But it doesn’t work. In fact, it leaves them broken, empty and even lifeless. Why? And how can we heal from this? Learn exactly why, as well as how to heal from this tendency, in this week’s Thriver Tv episode. (more…)

 

So many people with wonderful hearts who radiate empathy and compassion, have tried to help narcissists.

But it doesn’t work.

In fact, it leaves them broken, empty and even lifeless.

Why?

And how can we heal from this?

Learn exactly why, as well as how to heal from this tendency, in this week’s Thriver Tv episode.

Why Did We Fall For A Narcissist? Part 2

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Last week, in Part One, we explored the reasons why we fell for a narcissist and why it can be very difficult to leave and stay away. And why, in this Community, we DO struggle to end it and break free, whereas other people just don’t … even if they were initially hoodwinked by a narcissist. This week, in Part Two, I want to take a deep dive into the understanding of specifically why we were highly susceptible to narcissists, and may have felt (or still feel) it’s almost impossible to leave. Because it is my fullest intention – if this is your battle – to help free you from that. (more…)

 

Last week, in Part One, we explored the reasons why we fell for a narcissist and why it can be very difficult to leave and stay away.

And why, in this Community, we DO struggle to end it and break free, whereas other people just don’t … even if they were initially hoodwinked by a narcissist.

This week, in Part Two, I want to take a deep dive into the understanding of specifically why we were highly susceptible to narcissists, and may have felt (or still feel) it’s almost impossible to leave.

Because it is my fullest intention – if this is your battle – to help free you from that.

Why Did We Fall For A Narcissist? Part 1

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It’s a great question – and one that if we could answer truthfully could help inoculate ourselves against another narcissist, as well as provide the remedy for others so that they never have to experience one. There are two trains of thought in regard to the answer of this. The most obvious answer in standard abuse communities is … because a narcissist is a consummate actor who is a con-man or con-woman. And the second, which is the healing premise of the Thriver Community, is … because I had unfinished business. There are some emotional gaps within me that the narcissist was able to infiltrate my boundaries with and hook me with. I believe to an extent that both answers are true. But … there is a very important distinction and truth that also needs to be acknowledged here. (more…)

 

It’s a great question – and one that if we could answer truthfully could help inoculate ourselves against another narcissist, as well as provide the remedy for others so that they never have to experience one.

There are two trains of thought in regard to the answer of this.

The most obvious answer in standard abuse communities is … because a narcissist is a consummate actor who is a con-man or con-woman.

And the second, which is the healing premise of the Thriver Community, is … because I had unfinished business. There are some emotional gaps within me that the narcissist was able to infiltrate my boundaries with and hook me with.

I believe to an extent that both answers are true.

But … there is a very important distinction and truth that also needs to be acknowledged here.

Why Doesn’t The Narcissist Care About Me – Part 2

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Last week we did a deep dive into why narcissists do not have the ability to genuinely care when we are in times of need. And why they switch off, detach, get angry, act weird or diminish the people they are supposed to care about the most, when they’re ill or in challenging times. This week, Part 2, is about the realisation that we can’t force the narcissist to care. And how we can learn to care for ourselves in the face of this. (more…)

 

Last week we did a deep dive into why narcissists do not have the ability to genuinely care when we are in times of need.

And why they switch off, detach, get angry, act weird or diminish the people they are supposed to care about the most, when they’re ill or in challenging times.

This week, Part 2, is about the realisation that we can’t force the narcissist to care.

And how we can learn to care for ourselves in the face of this.

Why Doesn’t The Narcissist Care About Me – Part 1

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  This question has been coming up so much in the Community lately, and it is certainly always a really big theme in the Private Facebook 3 Keys Groups. It is one of the most invasive reasons why people can stay hooked to narcissists and keep breaking No Contact, because they are trying to stop the agony of not feeling cared for, and can’t stop trying to make the narcissist care for them … (more…)

 

This question has been coming up so much in the Community lately, and it is certainly always a really big theme in the Private Facebook 3 Keys Groups.

It is one of the most invasive reasons why people can stay hooked to narcissists and keep breaking No Contact, because they are trying to stop the agony of not feeling cared for, and can’t stop trying to make the narcissist care for them …

Is There A Right Way To Leave A Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I really wanted to write this article, even though I had done two previous articles on this topic ... because lately so many people have been asking about this. And I can only hope and pray this is because more people are realising that this is what they need to do – if they are going to generate a happy and healthy life free from abuse. So it was my greatest desire in this article to create a compendium of information to help empower you to not only leave the narcissist but also deal with the aftermath of doing so – emotionally and practically. (more…)

 

I really wanted to write this article, even though I had done two previous articles on this topic … because lately so many people have been asking about this.

And I can only hope and pray this is because more people are realising that this is what they need to do – if they are going to generate a happy and healthy life free from abuse.

So it was my greatest desire in this article to create a compendium of information to help empower you to not only leave the narcissist but also deal with the aftermath of doing so – emotionally and practically.