Thank you deeply for all your work. This community feels like a breath of air. Dont know where to turn at the moment. Frankly I don’t know what is going on with my current relationship. Ill leave labels out for the moment but Im very confused. Ive had this feeling of invalidation since movin in with my girlfriend. My partner can be very loving and does show self reflection, but there’s something that feels off. She has suffered severe trauma in her life and I tend to give her the benefit because of this. Ive been trying really hard to own my stuff, be honest if Im projecting, try not to trigger her, etc but it feels Im the one seeking to live consciously. Im the one initialing check ins and suggesting better ways to communicate. My partner seems hesitant to engage about relationship topics altogether. It feels like pulling teeth trying to introduce her to psycho spiritual tools to make our relationship better.

Today what really got me was that I broke down and shared I felt invalidated and wanted to explore with her why. However it felt like I was throwing things into a mirror and having them tossed back at me. There was a point I felt so confused and ‘lost my reality.’ We had a civil conversation after and I felt she was honest, but I dont understand why I still have this feeling that something is off. Its a feeling that has me questioning my sanity and position in the relationship.

Is it possible she is unconsciously gaslighting as a defense mechanism? I dont feel she does it intentionally, but the relationship doesnt seem to move forward. Although our check ins seem to resolve with a good outcome, I still feel that something fundamental is unresolved.
I feel dramatic using labels like ‘narc’ in my case, but Unfortunately I dont feel comfortable bringing this up to my partner anymore. I dont know if it just means I need to do more inner work or there’s a fundamental cognitive dissonant nuance to our relationship.

I love Dawn that you are winning the battle!

You are doing an amazing job!

Lots of love Dear Lady

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Pauline,

it’s our pleasure and much love to you!

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Beyoutoofullest,

Truly yes you can fight back – but its vital to do NARP healings to release all triggers before doing so – then your actions will be very effective.

Quantum Law is the powerhouse – “so within, so without”.

Re the change – your only power is to change you – your inner vibrational reality and relationship with Source, regardless of needing any condition from any set person outside of you – it’s up to God and the other as to what change can happen for them.

My highest suggestion to you is more of the NARP healings – when you don’t feel like you have the bandwidth or time to do them is when they are needed the most.

They change everything … for you, your life and your child.

I hope that this helps.

Much Love

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Matti,

there really is a way out – thank goodness indeed!

Senidng you much love and healing

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Gemma,

you are 100% correct – no wonder indeed.

Please know how welcome you are and I”m glad this has helped!

Much Love

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Thank you Melanie…I don’t know how you do it…each subject you write your heart out for us…is perfectly aligned with a present situation I am experiencing…

This time…I think I discovered my first “Altruistic Narc”…

Same characteristics…just more subtly hidden…

I have made the conclusion to go “no contact” in a suitable manner…

Thanks As Always! You are definitely THE BEST!

James

Thank you for this important unravelling of what narcs and toxic people do. I had it done to me as a child, so came already primed for more of it in my 43 year marriage to a narc. As Matti put it, it’s like acid eating away at your soul, and the gaslighting acid also completely eats away at your connection to your own thoughts, feelings and version of reality, so you become unable to even feel whether your inner being exists. Then, finding out that narcissists have a secret agenda to break you down and keep you as powerless prey adds yet another layer of mind-bending torture, since they can seem so normal at times.

I am in the process of divorcing the narc while having to live in the same house for now, and still having to deal with gaslighting and being told I’m crazy or creating my own version of things in my mind. I get punished one day, then love bombed the next (which feels like just another form of gaslighting), then twisted round and round into serious brain fog whenever he tries to have conversations with me, even though I always walk away. It just never lets up; he doesn’t know any other way of being no matter how much I stay in modified no contact.

I always retreat into NARP and QFH, and there regain my sanity again. I’m so happy to say he’s losing more and more of his power over me every day!