Comments on: Gaslighting: How To Demystify And Protect Yourself From The Narcissist’s Smoke-Screen https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Fri, 12 Jun 2020 03:26:03 +0000 hourly 1 By: Neta https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1238423 Fri, 12 Jun 2020 03:26:03 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1238423 It’s hard to believe the gaslighting is purposeful, that it’s conscious. I experienced it. Yet I still struggle with accepting that my ex N could be so malicious without guilt or remorse. It’s frightening actually that these people exist but as I do the shifts I see how it’s all “smoke and mirrors” and the fear of him diminishes.

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1229915 Sun, 19 Jan 2020 08:33:50 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1229915 In reply to Marina Pyrovolaki.

Hi Marina,

I truly don’t agree with this concept of shadow work. What I really believe is that if we have already existing traumas regarding being traumatised in similar ways from our childhoods or and ancestral inherited trauma programs, then we can have people come into our lives that match our already existing unconscious inner traumas.

100% this does not excuse other people’s behaviour, rather what it does mean is that if we turn inwards to heal these traumas then we can change the entire pattern of what is happening in our life in the most incredible ways, and even miraculous ways.

This is why in this community when people turn inwards to do this essential work on themselves, they have often been able to turn around the most horrific of situations with Narcissists.

Marina I would love you to come into my upcoming free masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass in a few days time to discover more about this.

I hope this can help you

Much Love

Mel 🙏💕💛

]]> By: Marina Pyrovolaki https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1229853 Sat, 18 Jan 2020 09:09:10 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1229853 Dear Mel,
I will be grateful if you could respond to the following question for you. I read somewhere about “shadow work” (getting friendly and knowing the parts in ourselves that we do not like): “Think of someone or something you hate. Now write down everything you despise about them in a long list, all the things about them that enrage you, that make you cry out at the injustice, venality, idiocy and cruelty of that person or thing. Now take that list and write your own name at the top of it. Say hello to your Shadow”. How does that work within your idea of healing from narcissistic abuse. It’s OK to try to let go of judgments and try to make ourselves stronger in front of awful and unfair accusations and fabrications instead of accepting the role of the victim for the rest of our lives. How on the earth am I suppose to hurt like hell, however, and accept all the discarded parts of someone else with a smile? I am in this position with my two siblings who try to kick me out of my family property, we have live our adult lives apart and we are in our fifties now, I can see how in a way I am the lucky one, that they are poor miserable people, and that it is in my interest to stay strong in the court, they have even beaten me up and say I am crazy and making it up. At the same time although I now start seeing how not accepting the role they try to put me in starts paying, I learn to be and look more composed and even remain stronger and confident when solicitors and others doubt me, sometimes letting go and taking responsibility of my own life, looks very much like giving up and trying to convince myself of the opposite. Am I wrong to think of them as disturbed and dangerous people, just because they are using my saying so to call me disturbed and dangerous? Am I supposed to even hide in the court the bullying I have been receiving? I know you do not suggest anything like that and I would still appreciate your advice.

]]> By: Carol https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1228290 Wed, 01 Jan 2020 13:26:59 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1228290 In reply to Iris.

I have lived exactly what you described, Iris, for over 20 years. Your point about “exhausting confusion and emptiness” really struck a chord with me. I ran away from a man who was emotionally exhausting and I have never been happier being divorced from him. The only reason I ever look back is because of the shock of, as you said, my “generous posturing, kindness, affirmation, or understanding forgiveness” which is a bit difficult to release. All those years of support and kindness I showed this monster was seemingly wasted but I have to let myself realize I supported him and his thankless children and was kind to them because of my nature and it wasn’t a total loss. Moving on.

]]> By: Julie https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1227897 Sat, 28 Dec 2019 14:33:17 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1227897 I was gaslit in insidious ways over years until finally becoming an alcoholic and ruining my marriage for good! (That was a good thing BTW!) What is interesting in retrospect, now that I am sober over 4 years, is that my ex took gaslighting to another level and would make derogatory comments about me then tell me they came from another individual but I couldn’t confront that other person about it as it would destroy a trust between him and the third party. So, I should swallow the negative while protecting his integrity! I don’t find many articles on gaslighting but always find them interesting and so very needed. I have learned a great deal from your articles. Thank you Melanie.

]]> By: Tracy Hamilton https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1227814 Fri, 27 Dec 2019 16:55:26 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1227814 In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans.

The lady in the article was pretty much my story, even her name…lol. So glad I found it! Loved the information and it was so helpful to me. God Bless!

]]> By: Vicki https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1227627 Thu, 26 Dec 2019 08:07:11 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1227627 In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans.

Thank you for your kind words. Much appreciated. Keep up your great work xx

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1227034 Mon, 23 Dec 2019 17:48:54 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1227034 In reply to E.

Yes E,

It does make you insane… and sick.

There is a way out I promise.

Have you come into one of my free webinars yet to learn how to detox this out of your system and life http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar ?

It will help you find relief and clarity and a way forward.

I promise you it is possible to heal and leave this behind forever.

Much love to you

Mel 🙏💕💛

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/gaslighting-how-to-demystify-and-protect-yourself-from-the-narcissists-smoke-screen/#comment-1227028 Mon, 23 Dec 2019 17:31:53 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=7688#comment-1227028 In reply to Iris.

It’s so true Iris,

There is no comparison between ‘normal’ human conversations and that three-ring circus.

I agree with you wholeheartedly, I simply can’t stomach it anymore either.

Thank you Iris and much love to you.

Mel 🙏💕💛

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