Comments on: Heartbreak And The Narcissist https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Sun, 17 Sep 2017 05:06:41 +0000 hourly 1 By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-548473 Fri, 29 Aug 2014 03:18:06 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-548473 In reply to Fannie.

Hi Fannie,

thank you for your lovely comments.

I feel so blessed that I was able to embark on this profound journey for myself, and then share with others.

I believe authenticity and exposure of all of our parts is what creates a true template to evolve – and know how ‘normal’ it is to have wounds.

We truly are all in this together.

Bless you Fannie 🙂

Mel xo

]]> By: Fannie https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-548409 Thu, 28 Aug 2014 00:12:37 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-548409 Melanie — I love the articles you write because, as you say, our focus needs to be on healing and growing ourselves. That is the only thing within our control, and yet even that can be difficult and time-consuming enough, so trying to manage or control others really becomes futile in any context.

I wish your web developers can include “Like” buttons because as I read through various comments, I want to give a nod of support/ a high-five to those whose words suggest they are “getting it.”

I also value that you own up to your own past challenges and are humble about your journey in ways that support the concept of the “Spirituality of Imperfection.” It points to how our professional and personal credibility is not compromised or destroyed — but in fact enhanced — because we have struggled with certain challenges and issues.

Your comments are often so very enlightening, that the combination of your intellect and heart shines through very clearly. What a remarkable example for women (and men) who are becoming empowered after the horrific experience of narcissistic abuse.

]]> By: Jane https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546891 Fri, 18 Jul 2014 11:09:09 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546891 Hello,

I am new to this community, and have started working with NARP. I feel unexplicable changes with NARP. I wish the changes were faster, though. I am so angry, I see the lies clearly. I’ve confronted the denial, and deflection so many times. And yet, I’m still here. That’s not like me, not the real me. Over the years I’ve become another person. My level of tolerance and patience has reached unhealthy levels.

Today, I understand that a regret is not something I haven’t done or achieved, it’s all the soul-sucking moments I allow other people to withdraw from me. Every single one of those times, every single moment in time when someone takes, becomes another piece of myself that I give away.

Today, I’m a little wiser. I’ve read a lot, and this site has been so helpful to get my mind in gear, for the dragging of my heart.

There are soul-sucking people out there. And there are people who allow to be depleted. It’s really hard to admit that I’ve been “too nice.” To me, the world is a place where life is enjoyed, shared, sacred. And I thought I met someone like that.

I have not had a 20 year marriage with my spouse. It’s been 2.5 years, but with another two narc relationships behind me, I need to smarten up, and grow up to myself. I need to keep shifting.

Today I understand that the personal commitment I don’t give to myself will be robbed by another, if I allow it. Some people have no conscience.

My husband’s lying has a different effect on me since I started with Narp. It has shifted from debilitatingly painful, physically and emotionally, to the recognition that I have to stop deluding my Self. The charge is still there, absolutely it is still there, but with NARP I am showing up for myself a little more. I still cry, and I know I have a ways to go. But with all these testimonials and success stories, I know that I am not alone, and that helps a lot.

Thank you to everyone who posts. Thank you, Melanie for your work. Moving from victim to vibrant is the right thing for me, and yet the fear of losing keeps me moving at a slow pace. I’m faster than that, by nature.

I still wish things would get “fixed” and that we could have a good life together, so I remind myself of all the lies, and I remember who I’m dealing with.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who is a neurologist, she also reminded me that a person who mines the beauty out of my life is not love, and that these people know no other way to function. She strongly suggested that I save myself, as soon as possible.

I’ll keep doing the work. I can’t wait to come home this after noon to keep shifting with the meditations.

Blessings to all,

Jane

]]> By: Patsy https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546790 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 20:41:51 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546790 In reply to ej.

EJ thank you so much for the hopeful message! I can’t believe this for myself, but just love your message of finding confidence in you/meeting a sane and healthy man. Wow.

]]> By: Patsy https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546789 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 20:39:07 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546789 Dear Melanie, are you surprised that spouses of narcissists find it so difficult to BELIEVE that they are really like this? This is the hardest thing for me to get my head round, because it is so inhuman. How can the love of my life, after years and years, behave this way, and turn out not to love… it actually twists my mind trying to understand it.
Thank you for this kind and caring essay. My heart is shattered, and I am frightened about the shame and the loneliness. I would love to stop wishing and hoping for him to show love and affirmation, which he simply cannot do.

]]> By: Kim https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546543 Fri, 11 Jul 2014 00:37:01 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546543 Hi all,

I have come to this site after a very painful breakup from a verbally abusive somatic narcissist. It took a long time for me to really understand and accept what he was. I finally started reading up on it and trying to change things. When I tried to stand up for myself he only became more mean and called me names, said i made him start a dating profile and made my life hell. I was supposed to move in with him and I just couldnt do it. I had a nervous breakdown because I didnt trust the abuse to stop and he blamed me for everything. When I tried to talk to him to get him to understand the fear and pain i was in that drove me to act like that, He absolutely wanted nothing to do with me. He said he would be stupid to get back with me after what i did to him and he has already moved on and is texting and sleeping with other women online within a week. His sister and cousins see he treated me bad, but his mother supports him 100% and thinks I’m a terrible person for leaving since he never physically hit me. The worst part is he has custody of his children and i am their stepmother and they are devastated, they call me on my phone and they tell me they miss me and want me to stay. he doesnt even care about them or else he would get counseling with me. I am just so damaged by this.

]]> By: Theresa https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546484 Wed, 09 Jul 2014 11:51:37 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546484 again, Mel, great timing and relevance! I totally understand crockie’s comment “realized that the man I fell in love with never truly existed”. I myself have been coming to learn the pain of having done this after 21 yrs marriage, and knowing narc 6 yrs before that. I attributed good qualities to him; loving, honest, loyal, trusting, generous, committed etc. but i’m painfully aware I was so deluded. and that he won’t change, and that even after sep. he did not genuinely show the persistence in working out relationship, even if he said he did (feeble small actions). my truth in my heart shows me this but also the fact that I have to get up and fully self accept and love me. there is another layer to it, because he is in a relationship with someone we both knew; she is a bit of a narc too. she also seems to have that deluded illusion about him. however, the love/truth energy in our hearts as survivors of narcs will help us to better heal,to attract other persons with our same heart energy & to be more equipped to identify the toxic, ugly, dark, selfish, emotional vampires, and to distance ourselves away from them. many blessings and thanks everyone!

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546468 Wed, 09 Jul 2014 02:17:58 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546468 In reply to ej.

Hi ej,

that is so wonderful you are being and experiencing love and joy!

You are a wonderful inspiration to others, and I totally agree, it is never too late!

You are so totally welcome ej, stories like yours bring me so much joy!

Mel xo

]]> By: ej https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/heartbreak-and-the-narcissist/#comment-546456 Tue, 08 Jul 2014 15:19:24 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=2592#comment-546456 I know several people who have managed to get into no contact but are stuck in the “I’ll never have another relationship again” mode. You have given me the words to encourage them to move past that stage. I know how hard it was for me to believe that I could learn to trust myself. I was so afraid I’d attract yet another N. But as I released more and more pain, my self-confidence grew and when I met my new husband, I was able to recognize a sane and healthy man. Melanie, I had no idea what true love and true happiness were all about until I found your website. I can’t say thank you enough, and I certainly found you just in time! I’ll be 70 soon and I feel like my life is just starting. It is never, ever too late, but in my next life I’m planning to wake up a whole lot sooner!

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