Fait : la &lqupo; rumear&nbsu;» la plus fréquemment évoquée sur les blogs était censée porter sur un fait intervenu récemment. Or il s’avère que cette info diffamatoire (parce que parler de rumeur a déjà pour effet de crédibiliser la chose pour certains, paradoxalement) courait déjà en janvier 2006, sur un fait censé également être récent.Tout ceci n’est pas vraiment à la gloire du Net.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have been connected with your website. Strangely, my narc sent me the link because someone he has been telling his stories to sent it to him claiming that I am the narc. Of course, I realize that I (as the co-dependent) do share some similar qualities as the narc (mostly the desperate need for love and approval). I can definitely see how he would (at first glance) label me as the narc. Please bare with me as I tell my story.

I knew my narc didn’t love me but that deep rooted need to win his love and approval (my addiction) compelled me to try harder. We had our moments when things seemed to be pretty good, but then there were other times when something was just off. During these phases, he was very secretive and distant. When I would try to talk to him he blew up. He threw things, called me names, accused me of attacking him, and called me crazy. Some of his blow ups were over things that I just couldn’t wrap my head around (like trying to talk to him about saving up to buy a house or my trying to seduce him while he was lacing his tennis shoes). I was always very hurt by his words and actions toward me. Most of the time, when he blew up, I would try to hug/kiss him and tell him how much I loved him and to please just stop. I would say things like, “why are you so upset over this,” “it’s not that big of a deal,” and “can we just kiss and make up now?” But, it didn’t matter how hard I tried to bring the peace back, he wasn’t having it. He would shove me away, telling me to “get out of his face,” and then he would either leave for days on end (with little to no contact with me) OR sleep on the couch. I cried myself to sleep more times than I can count that year that we lived together.

My narc had many female friends whom I was not allowed to ask about. I began to suspect that he wasn’t being honest with me. That suspicion was confirmed about six months into our relationship when a girl from his past (who just happens to be a celebrity AND married) sent me a Facebook message saying “you don’t know your boyfriend.” She followed with over a hundred more messages and a couple phone calls telling me all the things he had been telling her behind my back. He told her he hated me, I was crazy, and that she was the only woman he would ever love. They were even exchanging sexually explicit media.

When I confronted the narc, he told me not to listen to her and to block her. He said that she always did this to him when he was happy because she didn’t want him to move on. He apologized for allowing her to get between us (as she had done in at least one other relationship of his that I know of). He told me I was great to him, he loved me, and he was sorry. He promised to cut ties with her. I agreed to stay with him on one condition… that I could look at his phone any time I wanted. He agreed and let me look at was was on there at that moment (he had deleted a lot). I was horrified when I saw his last message to her, which said “I hope your plane crashes and you burn alive.”

A couple of months passed by, and things seemed to be going pretty well. But, I started to notice old behaviors popping back up. He seemed distant and secretive, and explosive over the smallest things. So, I asked to look at his phone. He said no, but I got clever and did it while he was sleeping.

I got all the answers I needed by looking at his phone. It was clear that he wasn’t being honest, but that wasn’t even the most horrifying thing I found. The worst part was messages I saw between him and other girls he had split ways with (I went pretty far back and, though I know most of it was “past” I was glad I did). I read messages where he threatened to kill his mistress’s husband. I read messages of him calling girls “whores” and saying things like “she’s one of many I have on call to suck my dick.” There were messages between him and one of his exes new boyfriends (whom she had a child with) saying “when you kiss your baby girl on the forehead just remember that she has a mushroom stamp from my d*** because I was still f****** her while she was with you… and I could still have that wh** if I wanted her.” I realized that he was not only a narcissist but also quite psychotic.

When we split, I tried for seven months (literally until the other day when he sent me your blog claiming I am narcissistic) to get him to see the err of his ways. I fantasized of the day he would call or text me and say “I’m sorry… you didn’t deserve that.” Every message I sent him was met with hostility. He asked for my new address so he could send me a bottle of Jameson and a knife and encouraged me to off myself. He told me I was ugly. He rubbed in my face how “beautiful” the girl he cheated with is/was (btw he may not have slept with her due to distance between them but he cheated no less). He said things like “you could never compare to her. She’s perfect. Even her feet are adorable. She’s beautiful, feels so good, and tastes like a peach.” (never mind that she belongs to another man)

What your blog and articles have done for me is help me to realize that as long as I am still holding on to the idea of holding him accountable, and as long as I am still staying in contact, I am feeding MY addiction to him. He has exposed my broken parts and made me identify the root (my narc parent). Finally I have the answers I need to break this cycle. It’s such an empowering feeling. Thank you.

Heather

Having come out the other side of this sort of thing with Mel’s system, if you have the courage to do it, it works. Best of luck to both of you.

Life is so much better on the other side 🙂

in the spirit of joy, freedom and healing –

Valerie

Please bare with me!

One week after my birthday (4 Dec) my Narc and I had just finished making (fake) love I was hit with a bombshell. My Narc turned her back to me and said ‘you know we said to always tell the truth. Well I’m finished with you and I’m going to work as a prostitute. You don’t give me what I need. I’ve never loved you I only pitied you’.

I went into shock and for the first time in my life I was speechless. I could not utter a single word for two weeks. She never moved out but continued to flaunt her prostitution and demanded we remain friends.

My situation doesn’t allow me to move or demand she moves. Everyday she brings her blackness into the home, but I remain silent and detached. I understand her need to feed off my emotions. She constantly provokes me with her new suppliers and her extreme mood swings.

I just wish she would move on and let me heal.

P.S. She is 56 years old plays these bizarre romantic games like a sick teenager.

That’s what they do. Their behavior and statements are so shockingly egregious that normal people who experience them often sit there in stunned amazement, not knowing how to react.

Then, they take the silence as evidence of their omnipotence because no one DARES to call them on what they just did.

1. Introduced me as her boyfriend and flirted with me in front of her family.

2. Placed her hands on my shoulders and blessed the food. With her voice choking, she thanked God for “family.” I kissed her hand when the prayer ended.

3. Asked me to drive her father home, because her knuckleheaded nephew wouldn’t.

4. Was intoxicated when I got back.

5. Told me we had the perfect relationship, as we laid in each other’s arms.

6. Told me I didn’t have to ask to stay over, because it was assumed.

Then she told me she had invited another guy for dinner but he didn’t show up.

Later that night, she:

8. Got a call from the guy at 10 p.m. (Yeah, I know what that means).

9. Took the phone in the bathroom so he wouldn’t hear me.

10. Apparently didn’t care if I heard their conversation.

11. Told him he couldn’t come over because she was tired, not because her “boyfriend” was there.

12. Replied to his question about whether he could call the next day by saying “Please do.”

13. Is now giving me the silent treatment out of anger toward me for ending things.