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Hi, and welcome to Thriver TV, the place to break free from narcissistic abuse with quantum tools and understanding.

Today, we will discuss an incredibly important topic for those who have experienced narcissistic abuse: how to heal, repair our finances, get back on our feet and start over after losing so much and being smashed to pieces.

I want to tell you that all of this is more than possible.

In today’s video, I will show you how to heal your financial situation after narcissistic abuse, no matter what it is.

This is an important issue for many people in this community, both men and women, who have suffered greatly from the abuse. Sadly, many never recover financially and feel like the narcissist has taken away the best years of their life. I’m here to show you that it is possible to rebuild your life.

The financial hardship that comes with narcissistic abuse can be devastating. Many people have to pay outrageous amounts of money in child maintenance payments, leading to a feeling of being “raped and pillaged” financially.

I understand this feeling, as I, too, suffered a great deal from narcissistic abuse, even though I was not subject to the same financial hardship. My security consciousness was greatly impacted, and healing took a long time.

I want to share my story with you to show that there is hope to heal the financial trauma, terror, and resentment that come with narcissistic abuse.

 

 

Empowering Myself to Manage My Finances

As a child, I had a father who was a strong role model and took charge of the finances. He was very supportive and had the best intentions, but this ultimately disempowered me because I needed more confidence to manage finances independently.

Despite being successful, I was an overachiever in many areas, trying to gain love and approval from others. I was deficient in believing that I could survive financially or generate my life for myself.

My pattern was to seek out powerful love partners who could financially provide for me and support me.

To people on the outside, this neediness seemed crazy because I was good with money, earning great money and even buying two properties outright as a single woman.

Yet inside, I was this scared little girl who needed Daddy to do it for her. Of course, Daddy meant a male who would take control of my life for me. People would never have believed it, but it was true.

Contrary to the logical evidence of what I’d achieved off my own bat, my inner belief system, ‘I need a man to do this for me,’ and ‘I can’t do this alone,’ dictated my choices of men.

This is the big thing we need to understand here when we have beliefs attached to false sources, which means generating results with people and things outside of ourselves rather than being a direct source of our higher power and the unlimited resources of life as a fullness already within us.

If we rely on external sources to make us feel complete, we will only be left feeling lacking. Our beliefs should be based on ourselves, not what we think we need from the outside. Otherwise, the outside will always deliver more deficiency of the emotional need you seek.

What this meant was I chose men who appeared to be powerful, supportive, and capable of granting me financial prosperity and security, but they were the opposite.

They were narcissistic men who would hit me at my weakest point, including my security and terrors, and rip them wide open for me. As a result, I got more of ‘I can’t survive alone’ because my wealth with narcissists was smashed to pieces.

I went into a relationship with narcissists, needing a man to support me and provide me with security and solidness. They would make me feel safe in the world and help me survive. The truth was, I didn’t feel safe in the world when I met these men. At the deepest core level of my being, I didn’t believe I could survive alone.

These painful, fearful beliefs were a dull, raw anxiety in my life in the background, probably, about a four out of 10; it was my normal, I was used to it, and I didn’t know I actually had it.

By the time I was narcissistically abused, which included extreme financial abuse, it was a rip-roaring 11 out of 10. The narcissistic abuse experience fully brought up what had always required healing for me to be free, happy, self-actualized, and live life radiantly.

Not fearfully dependent on financial security, which had ironically blocked true prosperity and abundance.

 

 

Unveiling the Subconscious Wounds of Gender and Generational Trauma

I want us to examine this deep-seated incredible, powerful, generational, gender, and collective wound that we, as humans, carry in our makeup.  I’ve met very successful women, female CEOs running several companies and worth millions of dollars, who still feel that the have been thrown out of the hut and left to die of starvation or be killed, when they lose a narcissistic partner

They literally believe they can’t survive without a man. They experience deep, catatonic trauma when he leaves her. I used to share that, and many of you do too.

No amount of logic can save these women, no matter how unemployed or parasitical he is. No matter what their condominium, bank account balance, shares, or assets look like, it doesn’t make one scrap of difference.

Why not? The deep emotional terror has nothing to do with logic and it’s all with deep subconscious programming.

The programming may be about our forbearers. Whenever I work with one of these women within Quantum Freedom Healing sessions, they have deep ancestral programming, deficient beliefs, and traumas that sort of state, ‘without a man, I am dead,’- similar to the one I carried.

I strongly encourage you to research the suffragette movement and why women fought for their rights. Without a male partner, women were denied access to assets, lost custody of their children, and worked to accept low wages, live in communal hostels, or turn to prostitution to survive. This is just one example of the many ways in which women were deprived of basic rights. Understanding this history is essential to understanding the human experience.

This happened only a blink of an eye ago in history. It was not even 500 years ago; in so-called civilised countries, it was not uncommon for women to cling to their partners and put their security at risk to prove their loyalty and commitment. This could involve handing over their money, assets, jobs, property, inheritance, and even superannuation. This behaviour was rooted in the belief that ‘I cannot survive without a man’. Fortunately, today this is no longer the case.

If it’s not this man, I may not get another man, and naturally, this is deadly. In the case of narcissists, it means being emptied to our demise. That’s exactly what I did in more ways than you can imagine, or maybe you can, because you’ve done it yourself. I did everything financially, other than wipe his backside.

Many of us did that, even when our inner being was screaming at us not to do it, or at the very least, something felt dreadful because the internal, wounded, terrified, powerless self was screaming louder, ‘Without a man, I’m dead,’ and ‘I need to hang on to this one, because I may not find a replacement’.

The incredible irony was, the security and the man that we fought so hard for and paid so much to win, oh,  it all blew up, got ripped away, and left us, leaving our life shattered and identities in the rubble face-to-face with our deepest, most primal terrors.

I don’t want to make this just about women because this is also about men. Men hand power and finances over a woman to please, be her champion, and make her happy. If he was told while growing up, ‘You are not good enough,’ or ‘You are only loved for what you achieve and do,’ a guy can be emptied by a female narcissist to bankruptcy.

When he’s replaying the beliefs imprinted into his subconscious, such as, ‘If I just do more, and achieve more, and give more, serve more, I’ll finally be accepted and loved.’ No matter what he does, she will never be satisfied. She is a demanding individual who always expects more. His stress and worry will never go away as he continues to give her more, hoping that if he can make her happy, he will be content.

It’s a program of, ‘no matter what I do, it’s not enough to be loved and accepted.’ His childhood trauma or generational male trauma is the real culprit here.

She’s not the root of the issue but a manifestation of it. This is why she was able to come into his life and provide a greater sense of that. Whether you are in a same-sex relationship or not, it’s possible to identify with either of these scenarios that can apply to any gender.

You may be running both painful inner beliefs, which can lead to financial devastation.

Instead of staying in a place of trauma, blaming the narcissist, and feeling stuck in a state of victimhood, let’s focus on the real solution.

Releasing Trauma and Unlocking Abundance

When healing from narcissistic abuse, it’s important to remember that you can’t stay stuck in pain forever. If you don’t take steps to move through it, you’ll likely experience further deterioration and financial loss. The almighty force of creation doesn’t reward us for whingeing, pouting, shouting and stewing by saying, “poor thing here, have your compensation payout”, but only responds to us taking action. So, take the steps necessary to shift this belief and begin your healing journey today.

This is what happened to me. At 40 years old, I stopped blaming, resenting, and hating myself for how I’d been manipulated, lied to, taken advantage of, and financially and maliciously abused. Instead of panicking and trying to start something to make money to make up lost ground, I realised that life is always working for me and not for me, even when it comes to narcissistic abuse.

My painful and faulty beliefs about finances, security, and survival were finally exposed. My ego was kicking and screaming, as it does for us when faced with huge inner traumas, and I chose to accept the truth and move forward.

I knew I had to let go of the false beliefs, the traumas related to them, and my feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, and unworthiness. I had to free myself from feeling needy with men and instead, firmly and healthily become a trustworthy source of opportunity, prosperity, and abundance for myself.

I had to directly source from the unlimited resources of life through love, inspiration, expansion, and the life forces themselves. However, my logical mind and ego wanted proof that I could do this- they were playing the devil’s advocate. They tried to put up obstacles and limitations to prevent me from becoming limitless and the true creator I am. I had to shift the beliefs that I was too old, could never make up for what I had lost, wasn’t qualified to make good money, and even was too broken now.

Limiting Beliefs Are Holding You Back.

Limiting beliefs can be deeply ingrained in our epigenetic, cultural, gender, and childhood traumas.

To become powerful creators in all areas of life, including prosperity, we must free our inner identity of limiting beliefs, feel intense gratitude, and trust our inner being.

It’s possible to free yourself from them! Through Quantum Freedom Healing, you can clear away these beliefs and start to experience miracles in your life 100%, even in the most impossible of situations, because creation which is an absolute force, will find a way to match you.

When we can show up confidently, knowing we can make the right decisions and that there is more where that came from, we feel intense gratitude now, and abundant, ready, happy to create, trusting of our inner being, and know we can show up powerfully, radiantly, confidently, knowing we can back ourselves, make the right decisions, make the right deals, ask the right questions, and know that there is more where that came from.

If a deal feels wrong, we can confidently walk away, knowing that life will continue to provide for us. When we come from a place of unconditional abundance, health, prosperity, expansion and gratitude without any attachment to a particular position now or specific outcome, we are in our true, natural state.

Magic happens because we create out of joy rather than need. We are emulating the Universe, which is already complete and needs nothing. When we do this, we are tapping into the power and unlimited possibilities of the Universe itself. This is when true abundance arrives. Life and well-being are freely flowing through us. It never comes from a place of neediness or emptiness, as this will only bring more of the same.

Accepting Support for Abundance

At first, I was like many people who think, “This is ridiculous. I need something, and I need it now! I can’t survive without it. Don’t tell me I need to do inner work or get into a certain state to make it happen. I don’t have time!”

I was in the same state of desperation when everything fell apart. I eventually realised that I had to ask for and accept help and let life and others support me. I had a lot of beliefs that I had to do everything alone and earn my place in life, but I was wrong. If you feel that way, please ask for help and let life and others support you.

Supporting and being supported is a great way to nourish and flourish in life, but first, we must put our egos out of the way. This gives us the buffer to meet our survival needs, so we can focus on healing our beliefs and programming. This is the most important task – to become an expanded, joyous, and prosperous person without traumas. We can then authentically show this in real life and partner with life in unimaginable ways.

Many people in our community, including myself, were once financially wiped out, but now they live abundantly and have succeeded in their dream vocations. Their needs are gloriously financially met. None of this could actually happen if they hadn’t experienced abuse- which brought their traumas to the surface to be reprogrammed.  Even those considered too old to be employed or had no qualifications have succeeded.

Conclusion

The key to making space for opportunities, joy, and inspirations to fill us and start unfolding is to make shifting out of our trauma the highest priority. It doesn’t matter what the narcissist is doing, even if you’re co-parenting with one, because when we no longer have trauma blocking us, abundance and prosperity will start to flow.

To truly understand this, you have to experience it. This is true for many quantum concepts; once you start living it, your consciousness will only accept it as real. When we follow the Quantum law of ‘so within-so without’, we get the inner state right, and then life will start to reciprocate.

I hope this has given you hope.

I would love you to visit the Melanie Tonia Evans blog to continue this conversation.

Until the next Thriver TV episode, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving, because there is nothing else to do.

Lots of love.

Bye-bye.

 

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87 thoughts on “How To Open Yourself To Prosperity After Narcissistic Abuse

  1. I am 50, no qualifications, angina symptoms emerging, feeling pretty at the end. I lost a huge chunk of my equity and now live in a house I can’t afford, and yet if I sell I will never get another mortgage. I was a landscaper for 15 years..car accident.. psychopath …now disability pension.
    When I first bought a home at 24 (on my own) I didn’t envisage having a $430 000 mortgage at 50!
    I can write and wanted to start a blog about recovery and offer support to others. I’ve always been better at other’s issues..haha. typical!
    I need to ask you guys if I can get the quantum stuff sent to me again, as I can’t find it on my computer. I tried to use it but ran into trouble with the age of the trauma and from there couldn’t visualise anything with any clarity or potency. I couldn’t seem to make any shifts as the trauma was over the top, everywhere, chaotic and overwhelming.
    Was raised by a woman who was very damaged and sexually abused by her Mother. She was extremely borerliney/narcissistic, like a precocious 4 year old. My dad, who was a charismatic, swaggery kinda guy died when I was 8… so he is what I sought out in adulthood. I most certainly didn’t believe I could survive without a man.
    Now, in self imposed singledom, a year and half (since the psychopath left) I am floundering, trying to start a facebook page, a blog etc. Living week to week. Suffice to say, I have no family and any old friends live 3000km away. I live with my 13 year old 50% of the time and lean too heavily on him as a source of life force. I need to find MY life force. I saw a glimmer of it when I escaped the very dangerous psychopath, got smart and orchestrated my own abandonment… but since have fallen into a seemingly permanent reclusive slump, put on 20kg and don’t believe myself enough, my own rhetoric, to prosper. Oh dear…I go on. Thanks for hearing me…

    ps. I say psychopath as I was one of the fortunate ones who had the benefit of a forensic psych diagnosis of him in couples therapy which he was compelled to go to.

    1. Hi Sandra,

      big hugs and my heart goes out to you.

      Please email [email protected] and absolutely your files will be sent out to you again. Also please come into the NARP Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member for coaching, support and help. You don’t need to do this alone Sandra … truly.

      Also please know with the QFH Modules you can shift trauma out of your body simply by feeling it – even if no information is forthcoming. This is especially helpful when trauma is really big and interwoven.

      That will start granting you the space in your cells for healing and wellbeing to enter.

      Wishing you breakthrough relief and healing. It’s your time Sandra, and I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

    2. Sandra,
      You are not alone.
      Your story is not dis-similar to mine in some ways.
      You’ve come to the right place.
      God has led you.
      Take heart.
      Becky M.

  2. This one is for me. I feel so needy and that I have no time, yet I feel so ashamed to ask even though there is nothing more I want than to know that I can rely and be supported.
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

  3. Hi Melanie!

    I can relate to so many things you talked about in this video, thank you!

    Is it possible to reach financial self-sufficiency/self-reliance before finishing Empowered Self course?

    I’ve been doing NARP and Family of Origin healings. On Module 4 of ES course, slowly going through it. Also, I noticed that after ES healings more triggers come up as if the good energy pushes them to the surface.

    1. Hi G,

      you are very welcome 🙂

      The Goal Setting Module of NARP can be a very powerful tool to clear financial blocks!

      That is great that more to release and be free from is surfacing.

      ES is a powerful Course to ferret out what is holding your back.

      I’d keep working either or both – all roads lead to home!

      You are on the right track 🙂

      Mel xo

  4. Hi Melanie,
    I’m a born-again Christian, and I wanted to let you know that I deeply feel that God led me to your you tube videos. You have helped me tremendously, so thank you for that. As a born-again Christian I want to say that I believe you are doing what God chose you to do, and that you are on a good path (I know that you already know that, but I wanted to say that to you).
    I know that many born-again Christians can have very black-and-white attitudes about the world and people, and anything that does not fit in their mental boxes will easily be deemed as demonic deception. So I think that you may have experienced some of these comments from some born again Christians (sorry for that). Especially since you discuss such things as past lives etc. Well, I personally happen to believe that past lives is a reality, and I have read the Bible from cover to cover several times, and don’t think that there is anything there that opposes it. As a matter of fact I know several scriptures that seem to support that view, although the matter is never directly addressed. I also have some strange memories from a pre-earth existence. Anyway, I just wanted to say this to you, coming from a born-again Christian. I think you are doing such valuable work. Thank you for that.
    Blessings,
    Eva

    1. Hi Eva,

      your post touched my heart.

      Some of my dearest friends are Christians, and we have a beautiful synergy together with the understanding of love and God.

      I believe it is such a time where we can all join as One – spirituality and religion and science … loving and supporting each other.

      Yes I have at times (not for a while) been demonised by Christians – and I discovered when I shifted traumas within me about that – then that stopped.

      So within, so without.

      I totally agree with you and have had so many experiences as pre Earth / this life that defy any logical explanation – as well as facilitated others in these experiences to unlock / heal traumas in their Beings.

      Eva I can’t tell you how evolutionary it is to receive your post – and my deepest gratitude for your courage in posting it.

      Thank you 🙂

      You are another angel doing God’s work.

      Mel xo

      1. Hi Melanie and Eva,
        Eva thank you for your courage and Melanie for your evolved response.
        It fills my heart with gratitude and is jaw dropping FREE.
        I also am a born again Christian and could not find the DEPTH of healing that I so desperately needed after N. abuse
        within the Christian community.
        I believe this is because my deepest belief systems from extensive childhood trauma were tangled up in false
        interpretations of the Bible from little up.
        Where others who didn’t have that confusion in their background
        could experience cataclysmic transformations and healing through the Truth
        and the good news about Jesus,
        that confusion was a block and a hindrance to me.
        My parents answered a calling to high leadership positions in Christianity
        after having had radical, life changing encounters with God through Christianity.
        They were the first generation to begin to evolve out of extremely abusive and dysfunctional family lines.
        I honor and respect them for their own evolutionary process.
        Enough said.

        As to past lives … it’s not in my experience to date. But your comments brought this verse in Ephesians instantly to my mind: …For He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His presence in Love…

        I don’t feel/find that what we believe cognitively about such things matters as long as we are emptying ourselves of what does not serve us ie. the low vibrations of darkness and trauma, creating space within our bodies, and then taking IN the Light-Love-Life-Truth… which is the match for GOD vibration. I see this as being similar to the tuning of a guitar, since I am a guitarist. In order to create beautiful music, those strings MUST be tuned to the perfect vibration for the various notes. NARP is bringing my vibration, step by step up to the exact vibration of God/Source/Life/Creator. When my vibration matches HIS Truth about me, my life sings.

        Melanie, I can’t tell you what perfect timing this post is for me.
        It gives me courage to accept the interim support that I need while doing the internal work to change my
        financial outcomes. You hit so many KEY points with this recording.
        Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
        Becky

        1. HI Becky,

          again your post (as did Eva’s) brought tears to my ears and tingles up my spine.

          I love how our world is evolving, and you two beautiful women are such proof of this to me!

          Absolutely this is about God vibration. It is the truth of who we all are without our trauma.

          Bless you in every way possible 🙂

          Mel xo

          1. Hi, Mel, Eva and Becky. I am also a born again Christian and I am feeling the same, I feel like God lead me to here and Mel, you are doing God’s work and I thank God for that! God works in very strange way sometimes!! When I found Mel’s blog was when I was absolutely crushed and craving to find out why my Narc was behaving how he has been behaving. I have been really praying everyday to God to lead me and guide me where I should go, what I should be doing. That day, too, I was praying to God for solution for things that I needed to handle. And .. voila! I found you, Mel!

            Mel, I am also from the family which protected me and I was a baby in the family so I didn’t need to feel any insecurity or worry about finance instead, I was brought up with brothers and father saying ‘ you don’t need to know what is going on with our family finance’… ( I am Japanese and traditionally, men think we, women don’t need to know or earn money. it is changing now though.) So, when I grew up obviously I needed some men to support me!! And I end up marrying Narc man.

            We had been living in overseas and recently I had to come back to new zealand ( where I met my Narc) after my Narc started to have affairs. I was a good stay home mum for 16 years, I gave up on my career, no qualifications, no recent work experience. So, unfortunately when Narc threw me out and came back to New Zealand, only the job I could get was minimum wage retail assistant job. my Narc has been so difficult and I am still battling to sort our houses, but narc is not paying any mortgage or credit card payment since January, so I have to deal with bank, collection department of the bank as well. I really do need to get decent job and do something but I have no idea where to start…

            It is so true though, since I realised that I need to work on myself to heal myself, something started to change. I am not sure exactly what it is but maybe my inner being is now leading something outside?! However, what change is going to give me better job and change my financial situation..?! I have no idea!

            Thank you Mel again for all of your video and blogs. I am reading everyday!!

            God bless you heaps,

            Yumi

          2. Hi Yumi,

            that is lovely that you too resonate with this God Consciousness delightful conversation that we are having here 🙂

            Please know when you unfold and heal and unleash you – your path of financial wellbeing will reveal.

            That is what “being” wellbeing does …

            Mel xo

  5. Thank you Melanie!
    I have so many of the beliefs around finances as you had, all for similar reasons around my upbringing. A huge block on deserving to have money if I haven’t physically grafted for it – I can’t physically work hard at the moment due to my health so I need to shift this belief. I can’t seem to see where money can come from other than a healthy maintenance payment from my husband which is far from ideal as I would still be dependent on him. I am in the process of getting divorced at the moment and the finances are being sorted out by our solicitors but it is a slowwww process – now I see why! I will work further on this – I have done some work on it but I obviously there is more to do.

    Much love

    Angie x

    1. Hi Angie,

      I am so happy for you that this shone a light.

      Dependency is NOT The way … and I promise you if you release trauma / fear – “the way” will appear bigger and better than you could ever imagine.

      When we are more trauma free with the space for Life-force to flow though us – then our Life begins to prosper.

      Mel xo

  6. Melanie,
    This particular episode came at the right time for me. I’m retired and have gone through a total financial and property loss by the narcissist.
    I had to move in with my daughter. My divorce isn’t final yet, he still continues to chop at me any way he can financially. I continue to have to make one mortgage payment and half of the other, until the properties sell. Every time I feel like I’m starting to get back up, I get hit with something else from him.
    Your videos are an inspiration for me, and I know I will survive this and come out stronger and wiser than I have ever been! Thank you!

    1. Hi Terri,

      how wonderful you sense a way through this now.

      Totally, when you shift this out – the fear, the burdens, all traumas connected … the entire situation will shift for you.

      There is only one person we need to combat Lovely Lady … ourselves!

      Bless you 🙂

      Mel xo

  7. Hi Melanie, this video brought me to tears. The suffering you described between a narc woman and co-de man was my parents. My n mother sucked my dad dry, till he died unexpectedly at age 58, which confirms narcissistic abuse can kill. Today she lives like a (lonely) queen on his money and he’s dead. It breaks my heart.

    But this post came at the perfect time for me. Like many here, I’m in financial dire straits and aching to feel progress so I can stop worrying …. But of course, my worry is preventing progress …. and ultimately, I only want that progress so I can feel like I’ve earned my right to be alive. My situation is odd insofar as my father disempowered me by taking care of me while he was alive, but I’m terrified of men with money, and cannot stand a man to even buy me a glass of water. I am incapable of asking for help. So, you were on the money (excuse the pun) when you suggested to ask for help when we need to build an environment of support. Like so many here, I wouldn’t even know where to start?? But I plan to do a meditation later and ask for my inner being for help. Until I can find the right place outside to look for help, I’m going to look inside. I have achieved many shifts over the last few months and feel so much stronger. I refuse to abandon myself. I know I am worthy. I am trying to learn my boundaries and instill them when tested. I know I am strongest and can make the best decisions when I’m at peace …. ideas flow into my mind … I haven’t quite found the courage to follow them all yet, but slowly, slowly ….

    Thank you for lifting my soul today,
    Love as always,
    Tasha

    1. Hi Tasha,

      my deepest condolences for your Father and you …

      I am so pleased this episode was timely for you.

      I’d love to help you with where to start – its actually very powerful and simple … access a way to release the trauma that IS these fears inside you. Then they simply won’t be there, and you will go forward and create your life without them.

      That is exactly what QFH https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/quanta-healing-explained.htm and the NARP Program https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp does.

      Come into my free workshop Tasha – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar to experience this personally within your own being – what it is to release trauma directly out of your cells.

      Tasha you don’t have to find “a way”, so many of us are already living it – and I promise you will not look back.

      Much love to you too Dear Lady 🙂

      Mel xo

  8. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Melanie! This was very timely as Amanda has said. Such a treasure trove of insights, hope and solutions. In fact, I remember a friend in the past saying that she felt that my financial situation was being affected by my relationship (and this was before I discovered that I was dealing with NPD) and my intuition told me she was on to something but I didn’t understand why at the time. I have been very fortunate in comparison with others here in the community (and my heart goes out to those who have suffered so greatly in this regard) as I have not had my finances taken in any way (I have to laugh here as there wasn’t much for him to take!). But I was always being “altruistically” saved from a predicament or given money with the expectation that I was beholden in some way (this type of dependency is as insidious as the more covert “taking” I believe). I see very clearly how my beliefs that I need to be provided for by a man and that I am a helpless victim if I’m on my own have played out. I had a father very similar to Melanie’s in that he was very protective of me and though, like Melanie, I have always been financially responsible and capable in practical terms, I’ve been running on a very scared, helpless survival program that was reinforced by my family system and was there already, epigenetically (as it is for all of us regarding epigenetics). This video has been invaluable! I saw that G (a previous poster) had mentioned the Family of Origin and Empowered Self programs – would you mind telling us a little more about how those would play a role in our financial healing? Thank you again for all you do! And I am so deeply touched and impressed by the bravery and strength of the those who have posted here – the people in this community are extraordinary!

    1. Hi Darcy,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      You are so right narcissistic altruism is just as disabling – in so many ways!

      Darcy, are you working with the NARP Program https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ? Because that is the vital first step after N-abuse … for the repairing of all our fundamental belief systems – including financial.

      As I spoke of to G – there are incredible strides that can be made in reprogramming financial faulty beliefs with the Goal Setting Module in NARP (many people including myself have manifested abundance wth it) and … there may be specific gender / generational / epigenetic beliefs that can be addressed with laser like focus in TFFOW Course https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/transforming-family-of-origin-wounds-course.htm

      In relation to ES Course that for the expansion after recovery from N abuse – powerful for boundaries, showing up confidently and aligned with our values and manifesting success https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/empoweredself-course.html

      For your healing – which is vey similar by the sounds of things to my background, the essential steps for me were – clean up N-abuse trauma (NARP)

      Clean up gender, family, epigenetic trauma at the deepest core levels (TFFOW)

      Expand into an incredible life (ES)

      I actually did ES and TFFOW the other way around because I created TFFOW after ES, but now I know that I could not REALLY expand until I had cleaned up the TFFOW stuff first!

      I hope this all makes sense, and please ask any more questions that you may have.

      Mel xo

      1. Hi, Melanie:

        I had completely forgotten to check back on a reply for my post (until now) and I want to thank you for the thorough and extremely helpful response. Yes, absolutely – I am working with the NARP Program and have found it to be immensely beneficial and healing (I purchased the Silver Program last August and am still working with it though it’s obvious after reading yours and others’ posts, there is much benefit to upgrading and having access to the coaching, despite the immense benefits I’ve experienced with the Silver). Your recommendations for focusing on the Goal Setting Module and then moving on to TFFOW and the ES programs (in that order) are excellent and I completely understand your explanation as to why and how to implement them. I also appreciate the links to these programs. Thank you so much for your assistance as this topic is very fundamental to our true thriving. This information and your programs are so empowering – again, thank you!

  9. This video has come at the perfect time for me. This is an area that I definitely need to up level.!
    I can relate to many of the comments, but now, after doing so much work on myself, I am ready to up level this area that has been holding me back.
    Melanie, would you please do an up leveling video on this subject? It would be very appreciated!❤

    1. HI EJ,

      I also pleased this helped, it is such an area that so many of us have needed to repair!

      Are you working NARP EJ? See above my comments to Darcy … because they will help you.

      I certainly can do a Shifts Happen on Financial issues, but … as is the case with all my Shifts Happen videos this may give you some clues and format, but until all of us enter our own bodies and get in touch with our own subconscious – we won’t find and release the traumas we need to.

      This is a job between self and self … and can take days, weeks or months depending on the depth of our trauma and how much there is!

      This is why the people determined to free themselves, and who do, work NARP (and / or my other QFH Programs) in the sanctity and privacy of their own space .. contacting and up-levelling their own subconscious. Even a video on it is a distraction between your true deep inner love, healing and dedication with yourself.

      Does that make sense?

      Mel xo

  10. What do I do if I have a daughter who is being victimized by a narcissist. Is there an approach I can take to help her get out of the relationship?

    1. Hi Doug,

      the only true way I know how to help our children (or someone we love) is to change and shift and heal “how” we see them.

      Then they rise up to meet that.

      It’s Quantum Law.

      It worked for my son, as it has for many children in this Community.

      Trying to change them to receive our anxiety about them doesn’t work – it actually makes the problems greater.

      If you google my name + children – you will see details about this.

      Mel xo

  11. fantastic video Melanie!!! I’ve waited so long to see you talk about this and it was amazing!

    Thank you! Love and hugs xxx

  12. Mel:

    Great episode. I can relate even though I was never financially abused by a N. I have always been able to and felt fully capable of providing for myself, but still have a scarcity. Not about how to survive today, but what will happen as I age and have to retire and I’ve got no eggs in the basket. Going to module this!

    Loved your “ice cream on poop” comment. OMG….hilarious…how do you keep a straight face??!!

    Chin rubs to Tiggy!! ?

    1. Hi Florida,

      Yes Modulling that will open the flood-gates of possibility for you!

      Hahahah I have used that expression – it’s one of the late Debbie Ford’s – for a while. I love it!

      The visual had me roaring with laughter too, the first time I heard it 🙂

      Mel xo

  13. Hi Mel! I normally don’t watch videos because it’s so much quicker and easier for me to process information in written form. But I must say that this video was spot on!

    What was especially eerily was that you described my current situation. While I have left the narc and moved to a new city 500 miles, the resources that enabled me to buy my freedom and start a new life had dried up due to how long it took to secure employment. When finances got to an absolutely scary level, I had to take the one and only job offer I received. It was not the type of work I’ve ever envisioned myself doing. Never had I had to work as ha as I am working now, and at a job that I can’t stand. But it’s a paycheck and a means for making sure there’s a roof over my head.

    Having recently turned 59, I still have not figured out what I want to do when I grow up. And given how the Law of Attraction works, the mostly likely reason why I have never gotten offers for any of the other jobs I’ve applied for — some 1000 in the past 3 years — was that I did not have a burning desire for any of them. And the reason why I got this current job — a train operator in a major US city — was that still held on to the believe that crap jobs are the only type of jobs I’ll get because that is what I deserve.

    And since because I still desire financial freedom, without yet having yet figured out what I want to do with my life, I’ve figured that perhaps it would be easier to focus my desires on attracting a healthy and mature relationship based on mutual love and respect to a life partner who not only supports my creativity, but also supports me financially so that I can quit my toxic job and go on doing my own thing.

    Not a very self-empowering thing to wish for, eh?

    And then watching your video, and hear you talking about your experiences in seeking a man to come to your rescue, I felt a “boom” in my solar plexus.

    So yeah, there’s definitely a lot more deep digging that needs to occur.

    And thank you for your most timely message! (Seems like the Universe ha, lately, been insistent that I get this message!)

    In closing, a transcript of this video would be very handy. (Hint, hint.)

    1. Hi Neringa,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you!

      How wonderful you have identified belief systems that are not allowing you to be that generative source ..

      And that is GREAT because now you can target them and release them. And when we do that – then movement toward our New Self just comes in! There is no limit regarding your age – at all!

      It’s your time, you have got this!

      Thank you for suggestion (hint!) and it is something the MTE team may consider 🙂

      Lots of love

      Mel xo

  14. yes your timing is awesome ..wat you have said has been me me me right to the my deep drama and back again ..i built up the narc to a place of success in his life at the cost of my own support …now he is even trying to take the tea spoons from me ….my terror has crippled me…. and yet the universe keeps offering me things and people who wanna help and whom believe in me and i don’t know how to accept it ..i have been shifting with the modeuls and now this is coming in fast ……court is looming ….omg so much to deal with and all i wanna do is hide and do your moduals the more i do the more things come ……

    1. Hi Sue,

      you are on the right track … keep releasing the trauma and fear with the Modules.

      Target DIRECTLY that fear of receiving, and shift it up and out. And shift any fears you have regarding confronting, showing up and asking the right questions and knowing you can make decisions that will honour you and keep you safe.

      Then you will be able to accept, replenish and start to flourish.

      You can do this … and please come into the NARP Forum and post for support and suggestions if you need help https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  15. Hi Melanie!

    I’m not clear how the healing for this area is done?

    Do I re-listen to the mp3’s and in my mind focus on the financial programming from the past?

    Can I also do this for relationships?

    You said in your video that the healing has to be experienced to really know what it’s like—-which led me to know I’m not there yet!

    Thanks!

    1. Hi Beata,

      yes, with the use of the goal-setting Module in NARP – create the goal “freedom from my financial abundance blocks” and then start clearing the resistance (trauma) that surfaces in your body until you reach a 10/10 with the goal.

      Doing that is powerful beyond measure.

      And yes again .. you can use the the GS module to achieve any goal – at all. It is unlimited.

      Also please know that you can receive assistance / coaching in the NARP Forum to get the most out of your QFH work. I can’t recommend that resource enough https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      Mel xo

  16. When my relationship ended, I only afterwards figured out he is a n. I had just assumed, that because he is a foreigner, weird behaviour was probably just “cultural differences” or that maybe he was just a little bit, hmm…eccentric.

    Then I found this website, which enormously helped my recovery. But now, I’m conflicted. Some things have started to annoy me. Like you say, we should do the healing, and then all feelings of “love” towards the n will disappear, and we should preferably do this “asap”. What right you have to tell me, who I can love, when and in what way? Ok, I’m not naiive (I was, I can admit that). But there are different types of love. I do not feel anymore “honeymoon-type, fall-in-love, can’t-live-without-you -type” of romantic love towards him. But I can accept what he is and feel this kind of a “cosmic love”. (by the way, I am not and do not want to be in a relationship with him anymore) What’s wrong with that? If I should stop that, it sounds like then I should also stop loving sick and homeless dogs, alcoholic father, disabled people, people with different skin colour than me and everyone who happens to be “different” than me. How rude!
    Among the many lies he said, one thing he said was actully true: “you have an enormous heart”. Remembering this makes me emotional.
    Ok, I’m not stupid and I have suffered of lot because of him. I’m aware, many things that many n’s do, do not just “feel wrong” but are also actually plain illegal (like, being violent). If I had continued this relationship, who knows how bad it/he would have gone. But I don’t actually need this kind of a speculation in my life. I think these relationships always end badly. Or ending is a good thing in this case, continuing would be much worse!

    But the bottom line is, I had some very good moments with him. This man was excellent lover. As a joke, it is much better and morally better to go to bed with a n than for example with someone else’s husband (I wouldn’t do it). In a perfect world, I would have married already 10 years ago a perfect husband and never got involved with a n, but this isn’t a perfect world!

    Despite being a n, I felt momentarily very happy with him. If everything else was “fake”, at least my feelings and sensations were real. I had years rashes and pimples in my body that just wouldn’t heal, but with him and the happiness he brought to me….magically my skin healed completely! I also lost weight (positively), which had also been difficult for me.

    I say this all because…I’ve just started to become tired to read all the gloom and doom about n’s and demonizing of them.
    Yes, he and other n’s might be a very “bad person”, he offended and hurt me…but he also brought many good things to me. We do not live or become conscious, if we would just sit at home alone and watching tv….By the way, I have nothing to do with him anymore, no contact. Sometimes relationships end, even if both would be “normal”. But it is ok, it’s life.

    I love the metaphorical story, about seven blind persons and an elephant. They were all exploring it, without knowing what is was. One touched its nose, and said “this seems to be some kind of a snake”. Other touched its teeth, and said “this is very hard”, the third touched its tail and said “this thing is like a rope”, and so on….The point, everyone has their own point of view, and believe to be right…when we don’t see the “whole picture”. I just think….maybe it is the same with n relationships too. Everyone has their own story. I have left him behind now but I choose to feel good and remember only good things and happy memories about him. I think that’s a also a choice. I don’t know about that “thriving after n abuse”. I refuse to to give him THAT much importance in my life, that he defines my life or was a milestone, that divides my life to “before” and “after” him. Good heavens no, his ego would explode, if he knew he had that much importance to me! 🙂

    1. Hi Anna,

      let me just say .. when we heal / evolve we “love”, because there is nothing else to do.

      We no longer try to fix someone or stay connected to someone hurting them – but we bless their journey, wish them the best and have compassion and gratitude for how they helped us heal.

      AT a deep soul level there is a profound love for them. That’s what I call Ns AIDs (Angels In Disguise).

      That to me is the purest most divine love possible, and I feel that profoundly for both the ex N’s when I think about them.

      The difference is they are no longer in my being, under my skin or affecting my life. I am free to love life without them.

      The versions “of love” I help people break free from is obviously the all consuming, you have infiltrated my being type love .. that is not healthy for them. That version of “love” nearly took me to my grave, and made all sorts f abuse and trauma possible – because I didn’t let go for so long.

      Naturally of course the version of love you have for him is what you know it to be – and there is NO judgement either way on that. You certainly can choose and do whatever it is you choose to do (as we all can) and don’t need to take on anyone’s advice – including my own – if you don’t wish to.

      Mel xo

      1. Thank you Melanie, those were some of the most beautiful words I even read! And it’s good to know this is all ok and normal, and that’s I don’t have to (anymore!) doubt my sanity, even if I still feel this kind of a love.
        *but we bless their journey, wish them the best and have compassion and gratitude for how they helped us heal.
        Aww, this is beautiful, exactly what I meant!

        But the most crucial life lesson I’ve learnt, even if I would love/accept someone unconditionally, it does not mean, that they can behave in any way that they want towards me and I “happily” accept all of that “unconditionally”. I believed that for a very long time, that was my fatal misstake and probably the number 1 reason I became target to a n in the first place! Now I know, there has to be boundaries. Not in just romantic relationships but with children, horses, dogs…in every relationship, no matter how much I love them! I already learned (towards the end of this relationship) to set boundaries: If he offends me, hurts my feelings or uses rude language, he must apologize me. Is that going to happen with a n…what a joke, like never! 🙁 That’s why I can’t be with him anymore.

        It is also confusing, in one of your articles you say that the n’s become energised when they can create drama and trauma etc. But once he accompanied his elderly mom to a hospital visit and after that he was visibly affected and sad because of her deteriorated health. I still some sometimes want to believe that there was at least a tiny bit in him that is something real, genuine, humane, compassionate. Who knows…But this person is not in my life anymore, so maybe it’s useless for me to occupy my mind with these thoughts anymore what he was or wasn’t.

        Ok, anyways, thank you Melanie!

        1. Hi Anna,

          you are very welcome 🙂

          You are so right unconditional love does not mean “damage me”. In fact I love this expression – “to allow an act of abuse is in fact an act of abuse”.

          Much New Age – just love another “unconditionally” is not love. Real unconditional love in the face of abuse is this “I love you enough to release you to allow you to live your life in any way that is important to you, and I love myself enough to live my life true to me.”

          Boundaries are love, they communicate with people (an animals) who we are, and how we can be in relationship with them for it to prosper. Everyone benefits.

          That is great that you now have established “if my boundaries are compromised there is no relationship”.

          The thing is N’s love sympathy and getting N supply. Being depressed, down and “affected” draws that.

          And absolutely there can be some “genuine” aspects … but lets face it the terrible ones don’t make any of it worth hanging out for – or for fixing them. We are heal to heal our own lies and live authentically … not feed an N’s disorders.

          Releasing trauma and moving on and expanding into an incredible life is True Living.

          Mel xo

          1. Hi Melanie,
            Sorry if I write too much, so many things always comes to mind 🙂 I hope I’m able to say something that is useful for other people too!

            *“to allow an act of abuse is in fact an act of abuse”.
            I’m not sure about this…I think this put the blame heavily on the victim. I just fell blindly in love…”it happens” 🙂 And was naiive enough to know what actually is normal/acceptable in a relationship and what is not.

            So many friends have compassionately said to me re. this n relationship, “it was a good life lesson”, “you learnt so much”. Once day I took a deep breath I really focused asking myself, what did I learn? And my honest answer: nothing!! Shocking. I thought about this 2-3 days and had this super hyper aha-moment: Because this isn’t about “cognitive” learning. Heh, if I was smart, I would have already learned when I was 15, “stay away from shady men, or who appear to be so”. When and why we become involved and attracted to n type of men, it is way out of conscious “knowing”, and therefore the mind doesn’t help here at all! Maybe this is the most important thing that I “learned” 🙂

            Also, I didn’t learn anything about “men”…just some things about this particular man. Also, I “learned”, that “relationships are difficult”…but I realise now, that this also isn’t “learning”, but just a reactive response, a false belief as a result of this n mess. Isn’t it awesome, to every now and then to get a a really big aha-moment! 😀

            Yes, it was a n relationship and yes, difficult momentarily, but I still think I wasn’t abused. Abuse is such a horrible word, and would make me take a victim position. I think abuse is that someone takes and takes and delivers nothing in return. My consciousness and awareness increased, my health improved, he helped me in many practical things, many moments were genuinely happy. This is my version, and for my own sanity, I’ll keep that 🙂

            By the way, over a decade ago, I feel I was abused by another man. I’m still angry and bitter about that. The “worst” thing is, this man was totally normal and mentally healthy (not n). Afterwards I see, that he used me only to recover from his recent divorce, promising me a “real relationship”. As soon as he got better, he dumped me and found a new woman, and they married quite quickly. I felt I was just a “bridge” to his new life or that I was “fast food” or somekind of a nurse.
            This to me was a nasty case of real abuse. Somehow it makes it all worse, that this man actually was conscious what he was doing and aware he hurt me. A n does not have this capacity, and therefore, some weird way, I can more easily forgive the n and have even compassion towards him, because somehow it isn’t his fault he was “born this way”.

            About setting boundaries: When I read what you wrote, I realised I never set boundaries, because I was afraid that the man will leave me. I did not wanted to “rock the boat”. Now I see: in doing so, I am not loving and respecting MYSELF. And if it is so, then why would anyone else either love or respect me? Uff, huge aha-moment!

            About unconditional love: I read a wonderful article that said: “ordinary human love is always relative, never consistently unconditional.
            Relative means dependent on time and circumstance”. That was actually a relief to hear! 🙂

            Sorry about this “essee”!
            I send love, hope and healing to everyone! <3

  17. Melanie,

    I am new to this. Must admit I am tired. I will cut to the fact I have been gaslighted by a parent a spouse and now am back helping my father I fibd my sister is teaching the children to scapegoat and gaslight subconciously. I was in a situation where I had a conversation withmy niece and nephew my sister wasnt there. I told her of it while my neice was there it was lighthearted and sweet and I was smiling. Just then she turned to my neice and said so she meaning me Aunt blank thought this then Matthew said that and niether is true is it. I was astounded my niece agreed with her. My sister is going to school to for a masters in social work to be a therapist. She knows of my troubles she says she cares and prays for everyone.

    I feel stsbbed in the heart and cant stop having this come to mind and the thought that oh no I am going to have to fear the children that love and adore me now too. This was nightmarish for me. How could I possibly handle this with my sister a nuece who are christian as am I btw. It does not feel christian to me to make people doubt themselves. Please help?

    1. Hi Findingmyway,

      I’d really love you to know that when we try to make sense out of crazy it really doesn’t work.

      What does work to get clarity, peace and a way forward is, to shift the trauma out of our body regarding what is hurting us.

      Then the personal solution comes.

      I’d love to show you more regarding how to do this – if you would like to join me in free webinar. https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps give you hope.

      Mel xo

  18. I had been a member and following you for a few years now – on and off. That’s because divorce started in 2012 and was finalised in 2014, but the court cases didn’t finish until 2016 so I couldn’t devote time to ‘healing’ although whenever I read/listen to your blogs, I end up somehow always uplifted. This topic is so timely in that the N in my life had made sure I not only suffer emotionally, psychologically but also financially. At the height of the divorce, he stopped paying child support and so expenses came from my savings. He made sure that I had no way to earn money by demanding impossible things from me like not taking care of the children when it was his turn so I missed a lot of work until it was no longer acceptable to the company I worked for, stalking me when I would get off at the bus stop, shouting at me while following me to the entry of our apartment till I finally asked the guards to bar him from entering the building, disappearing with the mobile phone off when he was supposed to pick them up, and of course, not having any income meant that I was not able to pay baby sitter when I had to – so he advised her to sue me. She did. Oh, he also decided to delay the divorce by advising his solicitor to not do anything until I found out. That’s because the sooner the divorce is finalised, the earlier my settlement would come out. So he delayed it. Yes, his attacks came from all sides. Fast forward 5 years and we have just concluded the last of the cases he has filed. Finances exhausted on my side, the settlement came down to zero after paying the solicitors, I am merely surviving. What you said on the video resonated with me a lot. I admit that I let my ego get in the way often, sometimes telling myself that pride is all I have. With the video, I know now to push it to the side… I don’t need it. It only makes me suffer more. What I really want to know is how to do the shift? How to realise the shift? I want to get out of this rut I am in. I am no longer young. It’s been five years since the start of divorce and I had moved forward far enough, very slowly too. I’ve resolved myself to just existing, living my life to bring up my kids (15 and 19 yo)… yet sometimes I think that maybe life could be different but how?

    1. Hi Keeponkeepingon,

      Please please know the less time and more stress in our life is when we need to devote time to healing the most.

      Myself and many other NARPers knew that if we did not become our highest mission, regardless of what was going on in our life, we were never going to get out of the trauma … and we were likely to be targets for it our future again.

      So within – so without.

      My informational aspects will give you a temporary lift, however the true inner work is the transformational shift that is permanent, meaning you will not have to keep managing trauma by being involved with my articles and videos.My greatest wish for everyone is that after a period of time they are not in this community because they are off having incredible lives!

      The shifting I talk about is Quanta Freedom Healing which is the healing Modules in the NARP Program ww.melanietoniaevans.com/narp. When we reprogram our subconscious and release trauma, everything about us and our life starts resetting to wellbeing.

      Absolutely it takes time, effort and self-dedication.

      But what else is there to do if we want a great life for ourselves, and so importantly our children and their future generations.

      It has to start with us.

      Mel xo

      in. I am no longer young. It’s been five years since the start of divorce and I had moved forward far enough, very slowly too. I’ve resolved myself to just existing, living my life to bring up my kids (15 and 19 yo)… yet sometimes I think that maybe life could be different but how?

  19. Hi Everyone, this is my second post on this topic because I wanted to share with you an amazing experience thanks to Melanie’s NARP program. After watching the video and recognizing a few issues – my difficulty asking for help, feeling supported, having access to the “right” people – I did two of Melanie’s meditations. It wasn’t easy. Tough revelations. Tough day, too, with lots of tests. But I stuck to my guns, put on my big girl pants!!! The following day it was like I’d entered a whole new universe. It began with my neighbor appearing at my front door with a tin of paint so I can repaint my patio gate, and the day continued in the same vein. All sorts of people showed up as if from nowhere to give me advice. Somehow I even managed to land myself a date with a great guy tomorrow …. Crazy. Unexpected. Great!!! I’ve been on the NARP journey for about seven months now, and I slipped for a while …. stopped believing in me …. but every time I come back to it, I’m reminded of the miracle. Melanie, you’re a miracle.

    Lots of love
    xx Tasha

    1. Hi Tasha,

      I love your share – and it is SO incredible when we do pull up the big girl pants and face it!

      That whole New Universe is 100% the truth – so within … so without!

      Tasha you are the miracle creating your truth from the inside out.

      Don’t doubt – it just IS.

      Mel xo

    2. Hi Tasha

      Thank you for sharing. Could you point me to the right direction? Which videos? Which meditations?

      Would love to experience to heal, finally.

  20. Hello Melanie,

    Thank you sooo much for this updated information. I received information as to how to recover from financial abuse by a Narc from the NARP gold team (they’re amazing!) I wanted to know if there was a specific module in the NARP Gold that helps with allowing prosperity back in after growing up with a drug addicted, alcoholic narcissist who wanted us kids to be totally dependent on him as a source of security, but quit his lucrative job to start his own buinessn cheat on his wife, later to lose the house when she divorced him, he got on welfare amd crack and many times left us alone at home with no lights or food, would put us down for having goals and dreams, and take/ sabotage our means of earning a living. He was very brilliant and charismatic . When I finally left he continued to stalk, hoover and use my two brothers to ask for moneyn My older sister who he abused who would also ask for money, even though she was married to an abusive man who didnt support her. I felt obligated to assist until finally they devalued and discarded when they no longer needed me and her kids grew up and supported her. I also had a Narc friend who Ive trusted for years betray me after I financed his wedding, then did a smear campaign and ruin my job and reputation. It has been difficult to recover fianacially after this, but the NARP modules have helped tremendously. I would now like to clear the traumas around money, and allow abundance back into my life, especially since I was doing well financially before this friends betrayal. I am working to relaease and heal the trauma, but would like further advanced modules to clear these blocks/barriers and continue thriving. Thank you for your assistance in my thriver journey thus far, looking forward to being truly NARC free and embracing my inmer empowered empath side!

    1. Hi Alex,

      you are most welcome 🙂

      That is so wonderful the team helped you … (they are amazing!) And it’s wonderful that you want to break out of these subconscious patterns. I believe one of the most powerful paths to take to break old patterns is the Goal Setting Module in NARP – also ES Course has some powerful financial freedom / expansion work in it too.

      Bless you and keep on up-levelling.

      Freedom and expansion is Grand! 🙂

      Mel xo

  21. Hello,
    I’ve just started NARP, by just a few days. I’ve noticed great things already. Just curious if I can do the goal setting as well as continuing mod 1? I’ve been set back severely financially. Thank you much!

  22. This is a very useful video, thank you Melanie! This topic has been on my plate for years and I am still working on it. Having had a narcissistic parent, my self-worth has been shattered from an early age. Can you recommend some goals to work with? I often struggle to formulate my goals.

    1. Hi Mounia,

      it’s my pleasure 🙂

      The goal I like working with is this: “The Source Healing and Resolution of (whatever the block / issue is)” because that is the full healing (as Source’s will) of whatever issue we take to the Goal Setting Module.

      It is really powerful working shifts in that way. If you would like more about this Mounia the NARP Forum is where we do more extensive coaching with this work – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

      I hope this helps!

      Mel xo

  23. This is a very useful video, thank you Melanie! This topic has been on my plate for years and I am still working on it. Having had a narcissistic parent, my self-worth has been shattered from an early age. Can you recommend some goals to work with? I often struggle to formulate my goals.

  24. Wow Melanie! This is fabulous. I discovered some of your information eventually. What a long (it seems) journey. I am also a Christian and was aware of a ministry called inner healing. When I ‘stumbled’ (was led to) upon your Youtube with Sandra, I thought it was exactly the same sort of process that inner healing in a Christian sense was about.

    Just this last weekend a couple of my triggers were set off and my brain would not shut up! Sunday night I was so desperate I thought I would check all the emails you sent through. One thing led to another, I watched many episodes of Thriver TV and read blogs and information you provided, FINALLY I am beginning to see and believe that the change has to happen within. I have been told this from many other sources before but my response has been, “Yeah sure, and how am I supposed to do that?” So that was the end of that. Until now. Yippee!

    I was wondering about signing up for the NARP program, being a Christian I wondered if I should hold off and try to find suitable people to help me with inner healing. However I don’t think I can wait for that to happen. Now is the time to take action.

    To all the other Christians who posted on this blog, THANK YOU. It was so hard to believe that Narcissistic abuse happened to Christians. There is nothing in Christian bookshops or other sources that I could find. This has been such an encouragement and blessing. 🙂 I finally found a trauma counsellor who is pretty spot on with this as well. However I want to get on with it and not have to wait for appointments. I was looking for a way to do this myself. I have found it!

    I have shifted my trauma mentality since Sunday, thank you for making sure we got the message. I have changed what I thought I was going to say to my children, after reading your blogs about how to help our kids (mine are adults), I have stopped trying to find evidence of his bad behaviour, stopped trying to figure out what to say or do to when he speaks to me with contempt, sarcasm etc, stopped wanting revenge, and I am on the way to not being so afraid of the feelings that come up when triggered, as now I know they are showing me what needs to be healed. I am so afraid of being homeless, without the things I need etc. (60yrs) but now know I can find the cause of that and heal those wounds. I feel hope and as if there is more light inside already, I am looking forward to continuing this.

    Melanie, your teachings and truths are aligned to biblical teachings and truths. Everyone needs to know about this, we are all so broken inside. Thank you again and to the supportive community out there.
    Relieved and encouraged, love to you all.

    1. Hi Cathy,

      I always love it when we unite as one in love and truth. It really is all the same concepts of personal responsibility and love.

      I adore the Quantum leap into you true self Cathy and your beautiful shift that will so benefit you, your loved ones and everything you touch.

      Many many blessings to you Dear Lady and please know you are so welcome ?

      Mel xo

  25. Hi Melanie,

    Thank-you for yet another wonder/full gift you so generously & lovingly give.

    I joined The Thriver Community about 6wks ago after doing a Webinar with you.
    I felt immediate shifts & knew/know that QFH is the way to go for me.
    (My NARPS name is kyra..I want to change it to my real name, Maria, when I work out how to). Your clarity of spirit & wisdom resonate deeply with me.
    I am struggling with navigating & participating in the Forums, (TMI overwhelms me).

    I am feeling deeply confronted by the core aim of this presentation, which I understand to be, to become financially independent off my own steam.
    I turn 62 in a few weeks & have been on the Disability Support Pension, PTSD, hiding is shame & fear trying to survive & function as best I could/can) for decades & have been in public housing for over 55’s (my 1st safe, secure, affordable home) for 3yrs now & altho it is all I ever dreamt of, (a safe, secure home sweet home), I felt a dread that I was also going to a home that would be my last. Safe & beautifully done out, but terribly lonely, my last stop before death.

    I am the 3rd youngest of 9 kids, 4 older brothers much serious mental illness in the family, (paranoid schizophrenia, squalor hoarding, violence, CSA). Father the orchestrator of it all, with 4 older brothers following suit. When people have heard my story they say I was the only sane one living in a madhouse.
    Despite his abuse/s he always gave me money when I asked & never showed any interest in whether I went to school or worked or anything.
    My therapist saw me being on DSP as a repeat of my dependant & disabling relationship with my father.
    25yrs of psycho-dynamic phsycotherapy. And this is where I end up. Devastating.

    I still feel TRAPPED & IMPRISONED & STIGMATIZED on so many levels & feel like this has pushed me into living an almost recluse like existence. Hidng in shame.
    I feel like this is the karma I get for expecting the system to support me.
    I feel like I have no rights because I am deemed disabled & dependant.
    I feel unworthy of true love from a man.

    Despite all of that I still feel v. hopeful & have faith thro your beautiful spirit & QFH that I am moving into the light of life.
    I feel v, overwhelmed & confused about what to focus on. I call myself a feminist, yet feel like a fraud. This is such a huge challenge for me.

    I would greatly appreciate any thoughts you may have on the best course of action for me now.

    Again, thank-you for the light & love you have already helped me to move fwd with…

    Bless you

  26. It’s so hard at times for me to believe I am where I am today emotionally, compared to just a few months ago. I am almost 60 now but the number doesn’t bother me anymore. I finally left the narcissist last December after living in torment for almost 14 years. I knew from the intellect part of my brain but wasn’t able to move forward until I did the work with quantum healing. I was horrified to be alone…not really sure why but I was. I thought my world would certainly end but guess what? It DID NOT! I am here now and thriving. Things aren’t perfect. I did file bankruptcy but that didn’t kill me. The only thing that was killing me, was that relationship. Thank you Mel!! I wasn’t able to call you a liar when I first started listening to your video’s. I believed you even if I didn’t believe in me and now I believe in myself too!! It works, everything you teach here. Instead of dwelling in the years of stories, invest in the cure!
    Love to ALL Megan

  27. Hi, Mel

    I have joined NARP and I came back to this blog again! I tell you that I have got so much shift and I do feel different now.

    And when I watched your video this time, I realised your up bringing story is very similar to mine! I have been brought up as a youngest child and my dad was a typical Japanese man who was the head of the house and I didn’t need to worry anything. I was told to get married as soon as I finish my Uni but I was a rebel so instead I moved to New Zealand! I thought myself I was independant but you know after I started NARP, I have so much block n trauma that I can’t live without someone’s support!!

    Now, I am still looking for a proper job and trying to get my finance back after I have been abused by my Narc husband and I am ( almost likely) loose everything..

    Mel, which Module should I do to get more confidence and get my finance/employment back?? Goal setting module??

    Thank you so much for your help!!

    You are my inspiration!!

    1. Hi NewMeNZ,

      I am so pleased you are shifting!

      Yes, that is SO similar to me – believing we were confident but we weren’t a source to ourselves …

      Yes, the Goal Setting Module is powerful for work as such.

      Bless you!

      Mel xo

  28. hi Mel 🙂
    thank you f or a lovely post as always.
    You’ve gone into the reasons as to why the financial abuse may have occurred through an intimate partner. Lovely to have that insight.

    Was wondering if you’d have any thoughts or be able to shed light on some of the reasons when it occurs through a parent.

    Thank you

    1. Hi Jos,

      It’s my pleasure and I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Please know Jos in our salvation and healing literally ‘anyone’ can bring us the evidence of what it is we need to heal and develop within ourselves to completely change the realities we have been living.

      My healing program NARP, as an example allows us to release and reprogram our wounds regardless of how they got there and who gave them to us.

      The specific wounds that we heal, which show up in our inner being can literally be anything, and we don’t really know what they are until we meet and release them.

      In essence the wounds are generally the same wounds – financial fears and insecurities about being ones own whole Source.

      I hope this makes sense.

      If it still is unclear I’d love to invite you into my free webinar if you haven’t already attended – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  29. Dear Melanie,

    Thank you for your powerful and transforming videos and program.

    I just wanted to add that this financial, emotional, and/or physical abuse occurs in same sex relationships/marriages as well.

    Thank you for sharing your profound gift with so many people.

    Peace and Blessings,

    Kathleen

    1. Hi Kathleen,

      You are very welcome and that is absolutely true.

      There aren’t any relationships impervious to the possibility of narcissism.

      There are many beautiful NARPers in this community who are gay.

      Much love and many blessings to you Kathleen.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  30. Its amazing that o still question myself as the N. Im sure that all victims question this. But the N has no doubt that im 100% to blame. Ive come to grips with my bad behavior often times as a reaction to absurd.
    Ive taken every quiz possible so i know i have a few N attributes. But im staying focused on fixing broke me…
    Thanks for this
    That Gut feeling

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