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Today’s The Thriver’s Life episode is BIG!

It’s about the funky energy and massive breakdowns that people are experiencing right now.

It seems that very few people are exempt from this right now (I’m seeing it everywhere!) And even I have been struck by it too!

Can you relate? Have you been feeling it? Are you seeing painful and crazy things happening in your own life as well as so many people you know?

I have – and that’s why I passionately wanted to deliver this video to you today.

What is GOING ON with this?

In today’s video, I explain, what is happening, why it is happening and what to do about it!

If you are having HUGE challenges emotionally or struggling with real-life painful events right now, today’s episode is a MUCH needed watch for you!

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to the Thriver’s Life series.  The creation of your highest and best life after narcissistic abuse.

Today, I want to talk about an incredible energy phenomenon that is taking place.

At MTE, we are truly in the trenches seeing how the community is travelling and what people feel and need, and right now, we are seeing so much happening for people in the way of the breakdown of their old order to make way for their breakthroughs. This seems to be happening universally, even to Thrivers, who have been doing a great job levelling their lives. And this is why I wanted to address this today, to help all of you get a grip on what’s going on in these huge energy shifts and how to deal with it.

How does this funky time translate into real-life events? Quite frankly, so many people are going through stuff at the moment. Big stuff. Impactful stuff. VERY painful stuff.

This leaves us thinking and wondering … what on earth is going on?

This isn’t just happening in this community; I am seeing it everywhere around me as well. And I know so many of you are reporting the same thing …  experiencing this yourself, as well as seeing people in your own life hitting the wall, coming face to face with big massive disappointments and dead ends.

Is this true for you right now? Is this what is going on? If so, please pause the video, scroll down and let me know in the comments.

Soooo, this is what I want to talk to you about today, this time of overwhelm, where so many of us have been feeling incredibly painful feelings and suffering devastating events in our lives. Again we feel like we are in the abyss, not really sure how to get out of it.

It can be a shocking feeling for many of you successful Thrivers to believe you would never feel such significant pain again. Yet, here we are going through it! The good thing is that we have the tools this time to deal with it.

You may or may not believe in energy reports. I used to, when I had more time, write them for this community. They are about energetic shifts, planetary alignments and how we are all affected at a collective level depending literally on what is going on in the ethers. These energy reports, which many wonderful energy reporters do, are often uncannily accurate.

If energy reports and planets are not your thing, I totally get that, and I promise you that this video is about a lot more than that.  However, if energy reports fascinate you, then you may be really interested to know that there are huge planetary alignments and eclipses which are surfacing a whole heap of stuff right now. June was big for it, and July will be even bigger.

To me, what is happening is a huge wake-up call of personal responsibility. If we have been living in delusions, meaning not living from our truth or our highest and most loving self, we are meeting these unhealed parts of ourselves like battering rams right now. This really means that we can’t just sweep things under the carpet anymore. And with this time comes massive overwhelm.

If we are clinging to old systems out of fear that they aren’t serving us, these may be crumbling around us. It could be relationships, career, health or financial issues – that scream at us when they hit – ‘No more! you can not continue as you were here!’

These are the following things that are just not going to cut it for us anymore … victimhood, blaming, old emotional addictions and habits that damage us, our insecurities, and having ingrained negative belief systems.

In this time of intense energy shifts, ‘so within, so without’ is in our faces like never before. If we harbour painful, resentful, self-defeating beliefs about ourselves, others and life, these are exactly the results we see manifest right before our eyes.

The truth is we are meeting ourselves – more now than ever- via the events we experience outside of us. If we are being abused, criticised, cut off and treated unfairly – this is all in relation to the flawed and painful belief systems that we are carrying inside, as well as our handing our power away trying to gain love, approval, security and survival from those around us, who are not true sources of these things.

It’s so important to know that all of this is happening for powerful and incredible reasons – ‘for’ us and not ‘to’ us.

So, in these crazy, powerful and painful times of the endings of false eras to make way for the birth of true ones, what is it in your life that is breaking down or has actually been ripped away? Is it a meaningful relationship? Is it a cherished dream? Is it a direction that you had your heart set on? Is it your security?

This happened to me very recently with my partner of 20 months. The relationship abruptly ended. There is nothing on the outside that could be fixed, we have both decided rightly to go our separate ways and as I have done many, many times in my life, it is about going deeply inside myself to grow, heal and evolve myself – again.

What else is there to do? The answer is nothing. I could spiral down into pain, self-recrimination, pondering, reminiscing and missing him … taking my energy out and into the pain, or I can work steadily towards the solution.

We mine our greatest gold through our wounds. If we are willing to sit with and be with our pain and use Quantum Tools to move the toxic dense pain out, we get the breakthrough into even more of our True Self.

Like many of us, at the moment, I am deeply in a breakdown/breakthrough growth spurt. I am presently doing hours of work on myself a day to move forward into being a more loving, compassionate, effective person and a more capable, loving person in relationships. I am letting go, in fact spiralling up and out with Quanta Freedom Healing™ in this death/rebirth process, more parts of myself that don’t serve me, and opening up the space and bringing in Source where those wounds once were, which is the becoming of higher consciousness and more love and truth to be more of my True Self.

Okay, these are the steps I want to grant you to help you shift out of your present pain and breakdown to get to your breakthrough.

 

Release All Resistance

The first thing is to not go into resistance. If we cling and hang on to the old orders in our life that are falling, we are in a very hard time. We will get dragged through the stench and decay of these things that we can no longer be retained in our life that can’t come with us to the next level of our emotional and spiritual development.

So, my highest suggestion is to make it your practice immediately to say to yourself, ‘I bless and accept this, and I know that Life and Source have my back and want the highest and best for me. This is all in perfect and divine order.’

 

Turn Inwards Instead of Outwards

And then the next part of the puzzle is to stop frantically trying to control things on the outside and rather Go Quantum, meaning come inside to deal with things where they really are taking place … in the Creator Universe that we are on the inside. If we don’t take control of the only being who we have the power to control – ourselves – we will be pulled completely out of control, especially in these testing times.

Now is the time to connect to ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally, as well as be really honest with ourselves about what is within and without that is no longer serving us. The thing is, I believe we always know. Often it just is that we aren’t being honest with ourselves. We try to make deals with life and others instead of letting go, and the reason is that we still have unhealed insecurities within ourselves to address and heal.

When we use Quantum Tools to let go of the toxic pain, to make way for peace, love, resolution, and acceptance – we start to get our answers. Healing can enter.

 

Shifting The Trauma Out

When working on the shifting out of the trauma, in times such as these, the overwhelm and shock may be so huge that you literally don’t know what you are shifting out, or you may not be able to concentrate on getting information about it. I really want you to know that you don’t need to work out exactly what the trauma is in regard to information.

If you have a tool such as Quanta Freedom Healing™ where you can move the trauma up and out of your body, then all you need to do is breathe deeply into it, be with it, fully feel it and then visualise the releasing of it. It will shift up and out, and you can then bring in the light of Source to replace it, which starts shifting you out of the pain and into your relief and solution – which is your path toward growth, and the next highest version of your life on that topic.

I hope this episode can really help you, and I’m looking really forward to working with you on these topics, within your comments and questions, which really are Empowered Self topics about taking the ultimate road to freedom, breakthrough and success when we suffer great pain and disappointment. Because that is the Thriver Way – knowing that if a breakdown is a 10/10 on the scale, the breakthrough will be equally impactful.

And remember, after narcissistic abuse recovery, gloriously, we take it further!

Why?

Because we CAN!

Lots of love, bye-bye.

 

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Commments (185) + Leave a comments

185 thoughts on “How To Survive When Things Start Falling Apart

    1. Yes! Big changes…. I am actually READY to do whatever I have to do to live my life again on MY terms. No more allowing any abuse to penetrate. I would happily loose everything , and live temporarily in a tent if I had to, rather than be treated like less than a human being… No more illusions… I feel like whatever has been holding me locked into this soul sucking relationship has just disappeared suddenly… I don’t even feel the insults, the mind games now only make me feel sorry for trying so hard to heal him….. HE will ALWATS loose at the end of the day… I don”t even feel any anger anymore…just grateful that I now see this situation as it really is…. Thanks SO much Melanie!

      1. Feel the same.can’t wait to move on with my new life .The years i wasted.It’s my time now.It is hard when you trusted a fake person.I’m the early stages of divorce.And the tricks have started.

    2. I am in an abusive, narcissistic marriage…

      i never trusted him from the beginning with his lies, inconsistent stories and half truths.

      He hides his phone from me, deletes all of his messages and voice calls, has flirted with other women on facebook, even tried to call my own friend on facebook, whom he doesnt even know..

      i confronted him and he got angry and at first didnt want to show me, making excuses.. He said that he felt lonely and depressed and was drunk.. He was blaming Me and remorse from him was not shown. he then resorted to deleting His account..

      He gives me the silent treatment, doing things and saying things that he knows will damage me emotionally.

      He is purposely pushing me away. I am feeling so damaged inside, anxious and very insecure.

      all i want is to feel wanted & LOVED…

      i hope that u can give me some advise on this.

      thank you.

      kerry.

      1. Hi Kerry,

        Sweetheart when we seek our love and fullness from outside ourselves, then someone that we deem should be providing it for us, when they don’t, we will cling to them.

        Regardless of how much they hurt and abuse us.

        The only answer is to let go, partner with and start loving and healing ourselves back to wholeness or these painful relationship patterns won’t stop.

        I’d love you to connect to my free inner transformational healing resources so that you can start this healing.

        http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

        When the pain gets this bad it is time to heal the only person we have the power to change and heal – ourselves.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  1. Oh my gosh YES!!! The last week in particular I have been battling with my ego and inner self. Constant obsessive thinking of the ex NARC has returned, I feel as though I can’t find my footing no matter what I try and have at times thought I am a failure at this no matter what I do. I have been hyper-emotional and depressed/anxious. I read a regular energy newsletter but hadn’t really thought about it affecting me emotionally and with my NARP work for some reason??? I have paused your video to write this and feel excited to see what else you say, as I was really feeling out of hope xx

    1. The past few weeks have been excruciating…..thought I was losing my mind! Huge changes. So thank you for your video. It was such a relief!!!!!

      1. When I feel out of control or out of my mind, they are the times I have gone within. So lonely and painful, however, you emerge stronger for a bit longer. It is best to feel out of your mind alone, then to accept others trying to make you out that you are losing your mind……..that takes over most of your life and felt normal – once! Since Melanie I let no one be a remote control to my buttons, when they do, from a huge distance, as that is how they operate through others, I take a deep breath and think let it go, let me grow. Hope this helps you, I visited some really dark places over the last year, I’m now reaping the rewards. Good luck on your journey 👼🏻🙏

    2. Hi Marjory,

      What you are describing is really common at the moment.

      My deepest suggestion is to target the trauma that is causing the obsessions with NARP and clear them out.

      Even though this is such a heavy time of breakdowns it also offers such an incredible opportunity for breakthroughs.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  2. Your honest experience gives so many people hope. If you were to create resources that put you in a place of having a perfect life all the time – there wouldn’t be this rich understanding of highs and lows that life always has to offer. Thank you so much for being flexible in your thinking and the ways that you share your knowledge with us. Big. Giant. Hugs. Nothing beats a pedicure. 🙂

  3. Had a big break through yesterday after going to the well, yet again, for water and coming up thirsty. It was a mirage. I cried and mourned the loss of without and now am going within to feel the pain of a rejection I have not addressed.

    Perfect timing as usual, Mell.

    God speed on your recovery from your current relationship.

  4. YES! I just told my friend an hour ago. I think I am truly losing my mind. Big things happening one after another to where I can hardly catch my breath!!! Not knowing how to settle myself and move in any direction let alone forward!!!!!!!
    Can’t wait to scroll up and back to you Melanie.
    XOXO
    Cassie

  5. Thank you, MTE! Count me in on this massive energy shift. This was perfect. I have been experiencing what has felt like tectonic plates sliding and shifting underneath me which has thrown me off kilter, been very painful as well as confusing with difficulty finding my center and the clarity of my spirit within. Just hearing your video brought so much relief in stepping back a bit, taking a breath, and seeing the situation from a another vantage point that depersonalizes it a bit. I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. I also salute you for the person you are on all levels, and the gracious, classy way in which you are using it as opportunity. Much Love to you..

  6. Hi I ordered and paid for the narp program a few months ago but I change devices as far as my cell phone goes and so I don’t know how to retrieve what I had paid for and I would still like to use the products. I’m not sure which email address I used if it was [email protected] or not. Please let me know what information you need to look it up and resend it to me if you would kindly. Thank you I really appreciate your help

  7. Thank you for this Mel. Such perfect timing! I am wondering when things will stop happening to me, and life will get back to normal. I just had an escrow fall through today and am now wondering how I can make things work for me again. I am so sorry to hear about your break up.

  8. YES!!! Lots of breakdowns lately, feeling more insecure and randomly triggered — confused why I seem to be going backwards. Ramping up my meditations and healings but admittedly, haven’t been experiencing the immediate releases that I’ve grown accustomed to (feels like I hit a plateau). I’m keeping at it, though, knowing I will breakthrough Also, lots of breakdowns with technology, delays and abnormal disruptions. Trying to lean in to the discomfort knowing this too shall pass! Thank you for your validation of these experiences, Mel! xoxo

  9. Wow this really spoke to me perfectly today. I also had a huge emotional meltdown today l where I felt old wounds around neglect, not being good enough, envy and rage over other’s successes and feeling abandoned/ left out and responding by numbing out and shutting down in front of people and needing to sob alone feeling helpless. I now know it’s unhealed pain I have to work through to get to a more
    Empowered place. Thank you! I am sorry to hear of your breakup and wishing you a huge breakthrough

  10. Yes. I recently blocked my family phone access to me. I did not realize this action would create this kind of reaction in me. I am very low energy and motivation to do self care and go through the motions

  11. Holy smokes! A friend and I were racking our brains today, trying to figure out why so many folks are being ugly and confrontational lately! We all need some healing…and beer around the campfire with friends. I never thought of this as a push to clear out more inner crap-ola and refine my goals and direction. God has a funny way of getting my attention!

  12. Mel, I was shocked to hear of your break-up (had to do a rewind!). Your spirit is so solid and self-assured (it comes through clearly in the video). All I could think was, “she’s got this!” Thank you for sharing your life updates with this community and for being an ongoing example on how to deal with life’s twists and turns solidly. YOU’VE ACED IT! 😉

    1. Awww Resilient,

      Thank you sweetheart! Truly please know I have my moments!

      Thank goodness for Qunata Freedom Healing! Without it I have no idea what I would do!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  13. Oh yes Mel! Perfect timing as always. I feel as if I have been tumbled and smacked around in a wave and can’t figure out which way is up for air. It’s a feeling I’ve not experienced since beginning the Thriver journey over two years ago. Panic, lethargy, traumatic dreams, fuzziness in my head and body, has had me terrified and trembling and contemplating if I’m just not strong enough in this life to make it unmedicated – getting off medication was a HUGE achievement after my initial adrenal breakdown. Feelings of failure, confusion about life direction, the reappearance and re-disappearance of a potential relationship partner – the whole lot has come like a hurricane in the middle of a still summer day. Thrown for six, with a topping of impending doom. I follow the energy and astrology quite closely too but it’s funny isn’t it, how we can still miss that that’s exactly what’s happening in front of our eyes? Thank you for this episode. I feel less alone instantly. I feel as if we all need to batten down the hatches, go within, do the work and weather the storm for now. Together. Much love to all during this time and always x

    1. Fi you have explained so similarly what I am experiencing, particularly the dreams!! What a great idea re; batten down the hatches, it’s Winter here in Aus so perfect time for it!! All the best on your healing journey xxx

      1. Hi Majory, I too am in Aus!! If you’re on the forum, it would be lovely to connect! Happy battening (is that a word?)! We got this! xxx

        1. Hi Fi

          Yes I am on the forum. I have the same username. It would be lovely to connect 🙂

          Majory xx

    2. Awwww darling Fi,

      I am so thrilled you don’t feel as alone now!

      Sweet soul sister we are all in this together, and I don’t feel nearly as alone either.

      Biggest love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    3. Absolutely uncanny message and timing… in all aspects of my life. Seeing this more in other people’s lives too.

  14. I’ve been in what I would describe as an unwarranted funk for the last few days. No energy, don’t want to leave my house, crying, and generally blah. It takes sooo much energy to be social. And aside from all the crap things that have happened to me over the past few years, nothing should be prompting my current mood.

  15. OMG! Thank you so much Melanie for this important video. I was wondering what is happening. I was wondering if maybe I am doing something wrong, or that I am not healing or that I am not going down the correct road. But that’s not it at all. For all the things I’ve learned over the last few years, slowly …..for all the tools and resources that I was able to create and strengthen, it’s all for me and my life and all of it being tested in full force.
    And what a difference it makes as I process things differently.

    Major upheaval in my life,…I lost my mother a few months ago. This has been the single most horrific event of my life (puts the narcissistic abuse on a 1 on a scale of 1-10). But this? This is a 20. What I have learned however is that grief and processing it all in a healthy way, all has the same principles. It’s harder of course because this is so much different. I am doing this solo. I am surrounding myself with loving family and friends to help me through this grief. So I am so desperately trying to take good care of myself. And this is the best I can do right now.

    So Melanie, what do you recommend and how do you incorporate Quantum Healing to grief and losing a parent?

    Thank you.

    1. PS: I am sorry to hear about your relationship ending, but my goodness, look at the all the work that you do and all the people you are helping and have helped. You are a role model. Because although I am not dating now or in a relationship, the next one that comes along, and it doesn’t work, I can smile and know that I have no regrets and know that it was a healthy one, for me. You taught me that. So, onwards……! I am sure your heart is full and always will be with or without a relationship. xoxo

    2. Hi Linda C,

      wow it really is going on for you – you poor thing.

      So much love to you in this difficult time of loss of your Mum.

      NARP, especially Module 1 or the Goal Setting Module is very powerful to release grief (any painful emotion in fact).

      Have you connected to my transformational resources and workshop yet? It will help a lot Linda – wwww.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      I hope this helps.

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  16. Yes. The love of my life, so I thought is a fake and wants to use me financially. Made me think he had money but he’s on welfare and cheating the government and he portrays himself as an upright Christian.

    1. I’m feeling it. Oh, wow am I feeling it! First off, positive thoughts and love to all who are struggling here… including myself! Ha! It’s over the past few days that I have come to realize not only was I raised by narcissists (grandiose mom and vulnerable dad) but my husband of OVER 20 YEARS is a vulnerable Narcissist with traits of both my parents… and I am feeling the waves of denial to overwhelm to negotiation to relief (that I’m not the only one and that there is hope). I’ve got the kids, the mortgage, the lack of my own healthcare and intellectually feel the pressure to not end this relationship without making sure I am being smart and taking care of myself and the kids so that we don’t get even further hurt, abused, and traumatized as I proceed to end this. I have hit a wall however and just can’t live like this anymore. I just can’t. I have started walking away from his mind-games, gaslighting, manipulative attempts to engage me in a dysfunctional debate to get me to apologize to him for “not being fair” or “assuming the worst” when I am just setting boundaries to behaviors that over the past 20+ years I’ve experienced and observed again and again and again. Of course he denies it and gaslights the heck out of me but I refuse to engage in a predictable dance that was leading to my soul’s decay! I’m spiritually drained and fear consumes me… I hate to admit I’ve allowed myself to live like this for so long… I was in denial. Denial is over and I am waking up… terrified, from a nightmare that is only been too real. Thank you for your work and for this insight into how I might not just survive but thrive. I need all the help I can get.

      1. Hi Ann,

        Wow that is amazing that you are awakening, taking back your power and standing in your truth.

        Please know that you have mine and this incredible communities support in your healing journey.

        Sending blessings power and love.

        Mel 🙏💕❤️

  17. Yes! I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and feel like I’m in a hole and can’t get out.

  18. Aligned with your insights, once again, Melanie. Five years ago, when I finally got my arms around what was happening in my life by learning what narcissistic abuse is, I posted the quote below. Today, it arrived as a flashback post on Facebook.

    “In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
    ― Eleanor Roosevelt

    Yes.

    Thank you for the powerful energy you bring to people and into our world, Melanie. You are inspiring and filled with courage and love. I will continue to refocus inward and grow, heal and send love back into the universe amid all circumstances. Choosing this path is immeasurably more satisfying.

  19. Dear Mel,
    This is spot on video, yes some huge energetic shifts are happening in my life and my life is taking me to a whole new level. I am not doing anything but events are happening that are asking me to face some of my oldest fears. I am going quantum and I am facing all my fears. It is coming one after another. It is keeping on coming since the beginning of June. But I have your QHF, quantum approach to life, the bigger picturem self-love and self -partnering, all of which I learnt from you. I am removing all my resistances and facing my biggest fears. My inner child is also saying to me, my little angel guide that face your fears from which you have always run away. Universe is also bringing the events that are making me face those. I am embracing my fears. No analysis paralysis, feel the fear and do it anyways. So I am feeling everything in my body and I am shifting. Thanks for all your love and support. You are my angel. Thanks and much love.
    Saurabh

    1. Hi Saurabh,

      oh gosh it is about facing our oldest fears!

      I LOVE how well you are doing – you are a true inspiration!

      You are very welcome and so much love to you too Saurabh.

      Mel 🙏💕❤

  20. Yes, I have been feeling this for a couple of months myself. More recently, I have felt like I have inexplicably regressed back and some old wounds have come up. Now this makes perfect sense why this has been happening. I accept that this has all happened in divine order, and I am repeating more modules to help myself let go of old behaviors. I don’t know exactly what I am releasing when shifting either, because I am not getting specific information, but I am just going to trust the process. Thank you for making this video. <3

  21. Hi Melanie,
    I paused the video when you said “abyss”… that’s the word I’ve been searching for. I got through module 1 and am going to repeat it after this episode. I was trying to describe how I felt to a friend and all I could come up with is “I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere. My life is on pause”. I’m in the abyss. I’m doing all the right things but for the past few months my head has been spinning a lot. “I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t look good enough. Who could ever love me?? How will I ever trust again? He really is that narcissistic person. Be honest with yourself. You deserve better. ” Around and around it goes. Over and over in my head. 🙁 It has been very frustrating for me. Even though it’s been 2-1/2 years since he walked out, I’m back to wasting a lot of energy thinking about him. Then that crushes me. I feel sad and angry that I’m doing that to myself. I know that working with the modules and helping my inner wounds is my right path. Sometimes I get scared. I don’t want to be this person in the abyss.
    ——————————————————————————————————————-
    I just finished watching the episode. I’m sorry for what you are going through.
    I also wanted to say that I very much needed to hear this right now. I felt like I was making progress, then I started falling again. (starting around the 1st of June…weird!) I have cried. Then I cry more because I was crying. So frustrating!!
    Not only am I going work with Module 1 in a minute……then I’m going to watch this episode again.
    As always, thank you for everything you do and I’m sorry for your hurt.
    May your tomorrow be great!!
    XOXOX Connie

  22. YES! It has been so overwhelming…. I have been assuring myself its an energy shift that is needed but thr pain that has been surfacing has been close to unbearable… this process has been a marathon but the releases have been extraordinary and ALL I have been doing is holding faith in both hands that I am on the right path ….

    then this video gets released…. perfect timing MTE!!!
    ❤🙏🏼

  23. Thanks Mel

    I’ve just experienced the death of both parents within 10 weeks of each other while going through a divorce from an N husband!
    Shifting out of victimhood has been key for me. With a victim attitude I would have gone under.

    Thanks for your tireless work

    Angie xx

  24. I specifically said to a friend this week….”I can feel a shift of energy”. This is about a family manipulation revealing it’s ugly truth while I am attempting to get away from the abusive narc house of punishment.
    I sent my daughter across the U.S. to get her away from this shocking abuse excuse of a fake relationship while I pack and figure out a new life plan…only to send her off to have family attempt to brainwash her with “good” them ..and “bad” ..me!…asking her to choose! Live with them or with me, her mother! Wow. So much for the chance of simple loving grandparents. Just take all i have for true love and push me to the rejected pile. They can take over from here…Well my daughter didn’t fall for it. But how disappointing…

  25. Dear Melanie, I have been working on six major narcissists in my life: my divorced dad, who does not want me in his life; my mom, who has always prefered my brothers and has kept distant and unloving; my dearest grandma, who had looked after me in my early childood and had been like a mom to me in my heart; my brother, who does not want any (deep) connection with me; the man, who was the One in my heart but loved me for a short period and then left me and my present husband husband, who is distant but whom I don’t want to leave because our kids need him. I believed it can never happen to you again. The disapointment with men and love. I am very sorry for your last break-up. I really admire your willpower and attitude. You are such a fighter and survivor. I love you and your videos that helped rescue my life mess.
    Wishing everybody lots of God’s love and peace in your hearts. I have come to a conclusion that pure Love and real happiness is not possible with humans since we are all full of human crap. Only God will give us His full Love when we enter eternity.

  26. Absolutely this is happening to me as well Melanie. I am a member of the Narp community and have major life change, so major, I have had to put my healing sort of on hold while I scramble to prepare for major change. I am losing my close access to my beloved friend/ex partner for a few weeks at least while I move 1 hours drive away to a new home. My work is going to change completely because i cannot take my garden with me. I am going to be living in a beautiful lonely place with only a couple running things while I live in my little caravan. The environment around me is going to change dramatically, and I have to say, for the better because i will be surrounded by New Zealand native bush and have a lovely stony river just 20 metres away from me. I can catch a glimmer that it is leading to a breakthrough for me because I am going to be living in my favourite environment ever! This type of river is where I have been taking myself in your healings, so meet my little self and Higher Self and Universal energy! Yet only 2 weeks ago I was so bereft and hurt and torn by ongoing cruel narcissistic abuse that i thought I could live beside, but it turns out that was not the case. I attempted to end it all with a massive overdose of meds. I recall the staff in the Accident and Emergency room reading my blood pressure at 75 over 40 which is dangerously low. I came around and found that I had to life through the massive change and have been growing stronger from that moment. I saw your email come through this morning with the title and knew I had to watch it today. So I found out a lot of us are going through big things. I am not alone!!! I feel better about that. I also am reminded to make more use of the lovely connections in the NARP community and stop trying to do this alone! Fortunately I will move within a week and the mad rush to get ready to move will be over and I can breathe down by the river and jump back aboard the healing modules. So, back to your video

    1. Hi I have had to start my life over twice again and lost everything to two marriages keep going you will find a little piece of love and kindness for yourself xx

    2. Hi Carol,

      I am so pleased Dear Lady that you know you don’t have to do this alone.

      We are all here for you and how beautiful that you will be near this river soon.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  27. Absolutely this is happening to me as well Melanie. I am a member of the Narp community and have major life change, so major, I have had to put my healing sort of on hold while I scramble to prepare for major change. I am losing my close access to my beloved friend/ex partner for a few weeks at least while I move 1 hours drive away to a new home. My work is going to change completely because i cannot take my garden with me. I am going to be living in a beautiful lonely place with only a couple running things while I live in my little caravan. The environment around me is going to change dramatically, and I have to say, for the better because i will be surrounded by New Zealand native bush and have a lovely stony river just 20 metres away from me. I can catch a glimmer that it is leading to a breakthrough for me because I am going to be living in my favourite environment ever! This type of river is where I have been taking myself in your healings, to meet my little self and Higher Self and Universal energy! Yet only 2 weeks ago I was so bereft and hurt and torn by ongoing cruel narcissistic abuse that i thought I could live beside, but it turns out that was not the case. I attempted to end it all with a massive overdose of meds. I recall the staff in the Accident and Emergency room reading my blood pressure at 75 over 40 which is dangerously low. I came around and found that I had to life through the massive change and have been growing stronger from that moment. I saw your email come through this morning with the title and knew I had to watch it today. So I found out a lot of us are going through big things. I am not alone!!! I feel better about that. I also am reminded to make more use of the lovely connections in the NARP community and stop trying to do this alone! Fortunately I will move within a week and the mad rush to get ready to move will be over and I can breathe down by the river and jump back aboard the healing modules. So, back to your video

  28. OMG….this is soooo happening to me right now I am in the middle of huge changes. …workplace. ..relationships. ….finances. …all crumbling…health..0.I joined the NARP programme about 4months ago and haven’t began it yet…that’s all about to change I printed off my last email books this morning…ordered an MP3 player today ..and intend to start my programme as soon as the MP3 player is here and someone has shown me how to download ! I do not do half measures I’m either all in or all out and I know in my bone marrow that I am ready now to begin this programme with all my heart and soul. THANK YOU MEL for bringing this wisdom to the world through your own pain and suffering…there is a bigger picture and your suffering was the catalyst for all the help you offer traumatized souls. GOD BLESS YOU X

  29. Yes! My life I falling apart! I have been doing things that I tought would lead to something better, but everything has just been so much worse. I feel like I have now ruined everything for my daughter and me. My fear is that she now has to go live with her narc father because of what is happening I my life. I have bought a house that neither of of us is happy with, we don´t like it here, more like hate it. We miss our other house, but that is gone. It is way to expencive and now I get a reduced payment at my job. I have serious anxiety and do not sleep. I have been asking my self over and over why this is happening. I am at my feet and do not know how this is going to end. Thing break down and I don´t know how to repair it or have the money to do so.

    If you have any advice to how to manage all of this, please tell me. Your video describe in many way what I am epxerencing, and I do not know how to let go. I am so scared because of my narc ex and that he will use this event in my life to get his way with my daughter and take her. He has tried before, but then I was strong. Now I am just a nervous wreck.

    I really would love some advice on which part of the recovery program I should go to now and if you have any other advice

  30. Sorry about the double up post. I can relate to everything you are saying. I have had to let go of my previous selfs desire for security. I knew i was being dishonest to myself for a long time that I could be happy where I am currently. but it is not an environment I could ever be happy in. I persisted because there was an illusion that it was mine. The Narc abuse taught me that even ‘owning” a place can be a trap with no security at all. My overdose was a big statement about my lack of self love at the time and the old belief of needing to feel secure. I have voiced it to myself many times over the last 2 weeks that this is about loving myself unconditionally and making taking care of me a priority. In 7 days I will have nothing else to do but lots of self care, self partnering self parenting and self nurturing, having fun by my river and eating well and Quanta freedom healings until I can feel myself settle into a new balance with insights and understandings and new sense of self. Now i have released all attachment to security in every way possible, and am trusting that things are always working out for me. I have released a great deal of resistance and things are falling into place. Thanks for the reminder to bless and release the pain. I have been forgetting to do that as often as i could be. Two weeks since I tried to end it and since I have released the need to feel secure in a tiny home on a tiny patch of land, I and finding security within myself because I am my best friend and that’s ok. Thank you so much 🙂

  31. Yes, I’m in the abyss again.. right there. I was realigning my life, bit by bit, waking up to what I truly need, taking baby steps, and then I met an exciting man, I was thrilled. He wooed me, I responded, and fell for him hook line and sinker. When it was time to make it real, he backed off abruptly, leaving me feeling shocked, confused and abandoned. I need myself now, and to work on the within..but it’s so painful.

  32. Dear Melanie
    Thank you for this how appropriate this time is huge.
    My daughter doesn’t want to see me because she goes into a caring role and she is having self-esteem issues in her career. She loves me and I her and I tried to protect her from my narcissistic mother but couldn’t protect her from me.
    I have been listening to you for a few years but felt huge resistance because I am a kind empathic healer and I didn’t want to face the truth concerning my mother and my sister. I have tried to get them to acknowledge their actions but that is useless. I have tried every which way and now my daughter, whom I love and was the first person where giving birth to her I experienced joy for the very first time in my life at 31, is saying it effecting her that I cant stand up to my mother and I will need to relinquish all claims to what she leaves when she goes.
    It pushed me into that place where I was spinning into total overwhelm not knowing where i am or what I am awful.
    I breathed through it but have not had the will to do your course even though I have done the 3 hours and the 16 lessons and listened to you for a long time and Dr Northrups energy vampire course. I cannot believe I am still suffering. I wanted to love and forgive but at my expense but not getting it for a very long time. Iva from your office has been very helpful and sent me some of your narcissistic and codependent material to work through. I thought I had dealt with codependency years ago and there it is the victim stuff. What’s weird is that my sister has never felt like a victim? Her relationship to my mother was different my mother connected to her she was the second child.
    My mother is Irish and as funny and as lyrical as the Irish are, they are viscous and cruel, hence the nuns and the children stuff. Many people along the way have told me to divorce my mother, disown, not try and heal love and forgive.
    I believe this narcissistic element is the key finally but I don’t think I can see her or my sister while I give myself time?
    What do you think?
    Ive been trying to move and it keeps breaking down, obstacles and I think I have to deal with this and I am afraid to.

  33. Yes Melanie, this is exactly what’s happening to me right now. I feel at the end of my tether. I haven’t known what’s been happening to me and it’s been freaking me out. I am in so much emotional pain and just feel at a complete dead end.

  34. I am sorry to hear of your break up I posted at the pause so hadn’t reached the part of your recent break up. All I know is you more than anyone can handle this but that is not to diminish your feelings right now…know love is being sent right back to you as you send out into the world. Love hugs and blessings

  35. Wonderful thank you for your support I have been doing quanta freedom for 7 months and still going back and releasing years of pain ..it’s excellent I feel and begin to see things differently thank you for saving me xxx

  36. Hey Mel,
    Your blog today, well yesterday was so uncanny, Yesterday it was like I could feel everyone’s pain. What is this telling me?
    Would this align with the shifts of energy?
    Can you please help me to explain what I was feeling?

  37. Thanks Melanie for reinforcing this.
    Sorry to hear about your loss and breakdowns, caught me by surprise. I wish you the best outcome.
    Love,
    Kata

  38. Dear Mel,until I stumbled upon your FANTASTIC forum,I never ever knew the word Narc even existed.Its been 3 Long horrific years since the ex abandoned my son,myself and our 7 dogs.He left me to deal with 4 foreclosures/sales of our properties to boot.(no profits and he trashed the beach front home to ensure no profits and stopped paying all the bond accounts a year in advance without me knowing)Wound up his diamond mining business(to which I contributed hundreds of thousands),making this company dormant.Currently I’m being evicted from our primary home,(shall be homeless)am unemployed(as worked as a director for our companies for many years for no salary?),my son nows lives with the ex-who drives a half a million rand car,lives at the beach,is on g/friend number 6 or 7 and earns 3 figures?
    He depleted all my assets(when we met,I was set up to retire at 40 yrs of age)Got married at 36yr old,had my son at 40yr. Im 54 yrs old now–All my dreams,hard work,planning for our future,destroyed in one fowl very quick swoop.I always thought I had it together,was strong, on top of things in our marriage,only to discover the exact opposite when we were abandoned.I discovered that I had lost my soul in the marriage,lost myself ,my confidence, my Whole Being and was absolutely stunned and shocked to learn that I had in fact been Abused for 19 years by the Ex and that he obviously had many affairs of which I was non the wiser as he worked away a lot.He ticks all the boxes of a Spiritual Narc-WOW,what a revelation for me….to discover all this abuse which I had been subjected too without even realising it.Since abandonment,every time I thought he couldnt do more damage to me/us,he would throw another curve ball.The Fear of him was insurmountable–this was the craziest thing of it all.I didnt know how much he controlled me nor did I know that I was actually afraid of him as his temper is off the chart.Even my family was/are in fear for me,for my life….The fear was so great,that I couldnt even bring myself to submit a maintenance claim,a protection order(as he entered the property one day and got physical with me)and or anything else.A court order was finally granted for maintenance but he has never ever paid—The ex is arrears of 3 figures for maintenance-I am still afraid to pursue this as he also has 4 weapons.The ex knew that by leaving me,he would not upset me but by taking our son and financially destroying me-he would.He has succeeded 2000% to put me in the gutter…and then to stamp and tramp on me even more so….
    The last challenge which he knows is and has been “killing” me,is to find homes for our pets-aged from 4yrs to 12 yrs(whom have lived with my son and I mostly as the ex was always away)
    How on earth do I give away our extended Family,whom we love dearly,whom have only ever given us unconditional love,cared for us and been such a very significant part of our family-me.I am a Huge animal lover-this the ex knows too….It breaks my heart and Im not sure I’ll ever recover after having to do this.
    All I can do is my best and Pray that I find loving caring forever homes for them all…….I have to and do believe my prayers shall be heard as God has been Wonderous to us,always providing for us(in All aspects) throughout this whole Horrific Crazy ordeal.

    My faith and your Forum has been my saving grace too,Countless times-too many to mention.It has kept me going from day to day and the messages which you have put out there always seem to come at just the right time -WOW :-)Thank you so much for all the Awesome work you do and Offer-THANK YOU.

    All said and done,I’ve started exercising(swopped some furniture for a treadmill),stopped medicating(although I still smoke most unfortunately),started loosing some weight (as I gained 10kg’s)and have most recently been succesful in applying/qualifying for a job on a cruise ship.I know this may seem selfish being away from my son whilst at sea but right now,I need to work on getting myself back together first,for Us.This job opportunity will also allow me to earn a larger income,to save and to pay off the huge debts the Narc has left me with.Finally,Ill then be able to get a place of our own,for my Beautiful Son and myself……this is my Dream and goal right now….

    The divorce finally comes up this month-very conveniently now,that I’ve sorted out all the marital Mess left behind for me to clean up and that I am now financially completely and utterly destroyed.Unbelievable but True,the Narc ex is threatening me now, to claim maintenance from me for our son?and on and on it goes.Wow,nothing surprises me anymore……but I won’t ever give him and or any other, my Power ever again….My recovery is slow but I Shall recover,am determined to and am so forever very grateful that I have been released from that Horrific life I had with the Ex Narc…I can only ever wish him well, as Karma always takes care of All ..:-)…………………

    Thank you again for All your Caring, Fantastic Inspirational words and advise ………XXXX……………….

    All the Very Best to everyone out there…….there definitely is a Rainbow out there for each and everyone of Us

    Much love

    1. Hi Sharon,

      I only wish I was as young as you. My daughter took me for a ride and destroyed my life and I’m almost 70 years old and disabled. As long as you have your health and the will to survive you’ll make it. The only thing that keeps me going now are thoughts of revenge. There’s an old saying that whoever laughs last, laughs longest. Be the one who laughs last! Your surviving without him will be the best revenge.

      Paulette

  39. YES! I am at a big crossroads right now…..I was on medical leave from my teaching job after breast cancer surgery…..my doctor recommended in writing that I only return to teaching with a part time schedule. My school denied it. I am now considering leaving my teaching career for good, and starting a new path. I’m feeling a lot of insecurity and uncertainty, yet something inside tells me this is what the universe wants. But it’s scary, and I have dreams and nightmares and panic attacks.

  40. He Mel, I couldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for you! I tell everyone I know who is being narcissisticly abused to do your program. I am very diligent and good things have happened. I’m closed than ever to my boys. I have wonderful girlfriends but I still feel the ache regarding my brother. He lives a few miles away and is very neutral with my. My narc has put me through hell and he never once asked how I waa or if he could help me in any way. He has no idea how disappointed I am. His wife is close to my narc and I suspect too close. I started a narc Support group and inly has one meeting but 7 women came! It was great! I’m toiling slowing through this but my narc hasn’t been held accountable for all the nasty tricks but I keep moving. A piece of me is very disappointed. I feel like he’s happy that he destroyed my family….

    1. Melanie…. I am so very sorry for the break up…. I’m started to understand the storm that your talking about. I have been truly working hard on myself and things are moving slowing in a good way but my immediate family is not here still. After a year of hell I feel abandoned by them.

      I love your work and again im so sorry 💜

  41. Melanie, but for you I would still have a pointless controlling relationship – you have done wonders for me. I am generally stronger, but still finding my feet after my stupid abusive relationship. I have lots of peaks but recently the troughs can come through. I straight away go and talk to myself and deal with it. I do things like gardening and play the piano. These are things that centre me. My sister is narcissistic as well as my mother too and I met with her the other day and spoke to her about how you help me.. Honestly it was like holding a light to a vampire – she new I was talking about how it was also helping not just the relationship with this guy recently but also to everyone like him i.e. my mother my sister, she just couldn’t talk about it and she got up and had to go to the bathroom. She new that my healing with you also meant that I had found her out because I said to her that I can see a narcissist coming towards m from a mile away these days. She knew – without telling her directly anything that I had also found her out to. When I have troughs I just reflect on hat you have taught me Melanie.

    Thank you.

  42. It’s so huge …I wasn’ t expecting this !! Triggered , trapped, Hurt , pain ,overwhelming again !! I unexpectedly too I easily found soms new ,old,core sounds ,stille there to be healed…again..on a mee level.
    🤔
    Damned 😵well
    OK. Let’ s do this
    Because I can , we can !!!
    thank you so much for this instant help and important info.x
    My help here….Module 1 short, module 4,4,4,4,4 and again 4 😁
    Have no other choice ❤
    Thanks much
    Take care you and all ❤
    🙏❤

  43. I’ve written comments before in the last few months. I know I’ve felt the changes you’re writing about myself. I know my world went to hell the last few years and the only lesson I’ve learned is that the majority of people are users. I imagine that a lot of seniors are going through the same thing because we become more vulnerable to narcissistic liars and con-artists the older we get. Especially when they are family!

    All these senior agencies that are supposed to help seniors when they have been exploited are a farce. They say they can only help if you are completely incapacitated mentally or physically and then all they’ll do is stick you in a nursing home and confiscate any assets you may have left. One Social Services woman told me I should just let my daughter have everything now and leave myself with nothing since I was going to leave it all to her anyway when I died. She might as well have told me I should just crawl into a hole and die! Do I have to keep living in this hell?

    I’m at an age now where most of my old friends are dead or far away. The so-called “loving” daughter who said she wanted to take care of me for the rest of my life turned out to be a liar and a user. Her idea of taking care of me was leaving me to live in a pigsty after she spent my inheritance that I thought would be enough to be able to enjoy the last years of my life. Her and her boyfriend also ran up my credit cards after they went through all my money so now I have nothing left to pay bills! Because of the stress my “loving” daughter has put me through the last four years my health is failing to the point I don’t expect to be alive a year from now.

    There was one so-called friend that I met since I moved here that said she was going to help me get my property and my life back. Her idea of getting my life back was leaving everything I have left to her in my will and becoming my medical advocate “in case” anything happened to me in the meantime. Her “help” has been criticizing everything I do and trying to convince me that I “need” her because I’m incapable of thinking for myself. Lately she’s been telling me that I said or did things I KNOW aren’t true. The body may be quitting on me, but the brain is working fine. Her words and actions remind me of some of your articles. After what I’ve been going through these last years because of my daughter I’ll be damned if I’m putting my life in anyone else’s hands. Needless to say she didn’t stick around once she realized there was nothing in it for her.

    The only thing I look forward to now is getting my “loving” daughter off my property and out of my life before I die. She can forget inheriting anything from me. I know I would never have fallen into this hole (con game) in my younger years. It’s only because of my age and disability that I became vulnerable. It’s too late in my life to start over. I physically can’t even if I wanted to. This is one hurt that I’m NOT going to survive!

    So where do I go from here?

    Paulette

  44. Hi Melanie,
    I have had difficulty stopping the obsessive thinking about my abuser and his new wife living in the home i renovated and being with his family and grandkids who I miss after going no contact. It has been 2 years and I have been to therapy in a women’s shelter. I can’t seem to stop this or move forward into a new life.
    Thanks for any help Christine

  45. I love this video. Although I don’t have time to even read all my e-mail, something told me to look into this one. I feel quite a bit better already than earlier today when I clicked on the link. I’d been getting desperate. Your words really hit home to me, Melanie, and now I feel less alone and isolated. As it so happened, I was on a short trip last month to a new place as the month turned to June. After returning I felt something strange: feelings for another person. Why is that strange? Almost 7 years ago, I fell in love (or lovesickness) with a narcissist. It was definitely the hardest I’d fallen for anyone in my entire life, and it took really just about every ounce of strength I had, to walk away. The withdrawal I experienced when he got together with someone else was worse than any other mental or physical pain I’ve ever experienced. It came to the point where, thinking I’d do *ANYTHING* to get out of it, thought about killing myself–but the only thought that stopped me was fear that I would go to he** and that it could possibly be worse than what I was already feeling. My system calmed down over the next few days. I did my best to move forward in my life. I started over in a new place, and started a relationship with someone healthy. However, I still felt that I was surviving but not truly thriving. Over the years, my outright obsession with the narc gradually waned into feeling that it’s a situation I never got closure on, with thoughts and dreams of him occurring semi-regularly, and a nagging feeling that my life could be better. This year I found a MTE video on youtube. It was really good and I learned some more, contributing to how I responded when I started having those familiar addictive feelings anew for someone different after almost 7 years. I received these feelings and questioned them: what is my need that I’m trying to project onto him? Instead of allowing myself to get swept up in the fantasy. It’s hard, though, and the feelings came back again today, stronger, and I questioned whether I could really avoid getting swept up in yet another addiction to someone. This video, with the confident, pertinent advice to look inward, and that these things are happening for us, not to us, and so on, has gotten me through a tough day, and made me hopeful about the idea of thriving in a true life, my highest calling.

  46. Dear Wonderful Mel,

    You are such a tremendously brave role model for me. Thank you as always for this. My incredible diligence at using the Quantum Tools you have given us has resulted in the total stripping away of everything I had holding me back.

    Now it is time to design the life I want- and I’m just holed up in bed, body aching all over. In my defense, I did just coordinate a weekend camp for others dealing with trauma and growth. So I have done some very heavy lifting for others. And successfully so I might add.

    I truly feel for you in the loss of your long time relationship- and I am stunned as always at your amazing courage in sharing this loss with us.

    It’s good to know that there really is some major energy working it’s way around right now. Thanks for that! Sometimes it’s so hard to give myself permission to rest and recuperate in this journey. I feel I always have to be working or I’m a slacker…being a kind and gentle parent who allows for rest and play for my little me is key right now.

    I’m off to the store for some water, fruit, naproxin and popcorn (little me loves popcorn!) and I’m just going to the goal setting module to shift out the resistance to taking the next steps in my journey…the steps for ME. For no one else. ME.

    Once again, dear Quantum Guru, thanks from the bottom of my heart for your care and bravery and my very very best to you from Chicago…big hugs Mel, and lots of love right back to you.

    1. Awww Violet,

      I always adore any post from you!

      I bet you are facilitating some spectacular work for others Dear Soul Sister!

      I can hear you roar from here!

      Thank you for you love, connection and heart. It means so much to me.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  47. Hello Melanie,

    I’ve been in a narcissistic relationship with a man for 18 years and I’ve never told him that I thought he was a narcissist until he recently announced to me that he has finally figured out what is wrong with me. He thinks I’m a narcissist!!! I’ve had jealousy issues because of his continuous wandering eye for the women which he denies. Because he has read that narcissists have jealousy issues, he has come to the conclusion that this is what I am. Is this a common thing? I mean for the narcissist to accuse the victim of being a narcissist? When I get defensive, he says that that’s his second proof of my being a narcissist, denial. I am co-dependent, but am not narcissistic. I have been in counseling for two years and have finally learned to set some boundaries with him vs. being the complete doormat that I was. So now, things have gotten worse and he’s determined that I’ve become a narcissist. I very much appreciate the work you’re doing.

    Terri

    1. Terri,

      the thing that I am just realizing now, after being only with narcissistic men for almost a decade, is that I am an inner narcissist. It sounds so counterintuitive to what we experience in our relationships with narcissistic men, but just this week I came to the realization that this happens to me because of my own ego. Everyone in my life, including myself, says that I am the most honest, kind, empathetic person they know. And I think I am too. And I probably am, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have inner narcissism that keeps us in these narcissistic relationships. I’ve been reading some articles that talk about closet narcissists being in relationships with exhibitionist narcissists. The idea of this really took me aback and I was offended by the author for even thinking I could be a narcissist. However, I am so desperate to break my cycle of attracting narcissists that I am willing to dig deep and face my own inner ugly to get past this, even if our narcissism is hidden deep within our good intentions and acts that we think are just “self love” but really may be narcissism. I can’t yet clearly identify my narcissistic qualities but I accept that they are there now. In between dating these narcissistic men, I dated one woman and she accused me of acting exactly how these narcissistic men treated me and it totally scared me because that was not my intention at all. I crave healthy functioning fun happy relationships. I’m a kindergarten teacher and special educator. But the relationships we attract are a reflection of ourselves and our own vibrational level. This is what I am learning to understand, accept, and move past presently. You very well may not be a narcissist too but I just wanted to share my perspective and experience in case it resonates with you.

  48. From your article (lesson): The truth is we are meeting ourselves – more now than we ever have, via the events we experience outside of us. If we are being abused, criticised, cut off and treated unfairly – this is all in relation to the flawed and painful belief systems that we are carrying inside, as well as our handing our power away trying to gain love, approval, security and survival from those around us, who are not true sources of these things.

    I have been trying really hard to think of what belief system I have that would cause my daughter to destroy my life the way she has. Especially after my daughter said SHE WOULDN’T LET ME live alone because of my disability and that she wanted to take care of me the way I took care of my mother the last ten years of her life because she “loved” me. I was perfectly happy where I was, BY MYSELF, in the beautiful home my parents had built. It turned out that her only purpose for wanting to “take care of me” was to get her hands on my inheritance and then throw me under the bus.

    I had worked with my parents for most of my life, building up that “inheritance” that my daughter and her boyfriend went through in a couple of years after we all moved here together to what was to be a little self-sufficient farm. My “inheritance” paid for it ALL and the money I had left was supposed to pay for remodeling to make it liveable. My daughter kept getting money from me to supposedly make this place better, but my living area was NEVER remodeled. Four years after moving here I am still living in one room among packing boxes. My “bedroom” is still unlivable with piled up boxes and building supplies. I sleep in my computer chair most of the time. This is “taking care of me”? When all my money was gone I wanted to see the accounting (that my daughter said she was keeping) of where all the money had been spent. That’s when the shit hit the fan. She not only hid the accounting from me, but also my parents Trust papers and my mother’s last will plus the deeds to the properties. Her boyfriend claims HE OWNS half my property for all the work he did around here and he always gets WHAT IS HIS! The little work he’s done around here is a joke and most of it is unfinished. They tried to have me Baker Acted when I tried to get a restraining order on them for hauling off and selling truck loads of stuff that I paid for and then pocketing the money. Guess what — the “law” is no help when it comes to dealing with family. From my own accounting and bank accounts I find there is over $150,000 unaccounted for with NOTHING here to show where it was spent! It sure wasn’t used to remodel my rooms!

    Now what belief system am I dealing with here? That it’s wrong to lie to and steal from others — especially a parent who has done nothing except help you your whole life? It’s funny that my mother told me all my life that I was too trusting and giving. Not anymore! I doubt I will ever trust anyone again. When you can’t trust anyone you can’t love them either. My daughter stole from me a lot more than money and “things”. Yes, my outlook on life has done a complete reversal.

    The only hope I have now is that my “loving” daughter will someday feel the same betrayal and heartache that she has given me. That will come when her narcissistic boyfriend dumps her because she has nothing left that he can take from her and I won’t be around to pick up the pieces because I can never trust her again. As the saying goes — do unto others! You also can’t save people from themselves no matter how hard you try. Too bad I didn’t learn that years ago while I still had some money and a life worth living!

    If you can see any other lesson out of all of this, I’d appreciate if you will let me know.

    Paulette

  49. Wow! It’s astounding how every post from you applies to where I am at in my healing progress! The trauma seems to be coming from all fronts lately and has become so overwhelming I have regressed significantly. I am so grateful for the tools you have given me. I woke this morning and felt a positive shift energetically before I saw the episode. The energy, source, light, universe is telling me I have unfinished business and a lot more work to do! Thank you for being!

  50. I swear honey every topic is on point on the right given time. May our blessed higher source continue to help you guide us. I prefer your video more than the program I could get into that but I have major break through always with your videos.

  51. Melanie, I just discovered your work, yesterday when I was googling, ‘why do smart women fall for manipulative men’. Thank you thank you thank you. earlier today, I started a new journal (googledoc) called ‘me’. Before I came upon this video, I wrote this: (the names have been bleeped out)

    “The universe is eager for me to awaken. I know this because as soon as I close the door on one narcissist, another enters, within hours if not minutes. Literally. The universe is ready for me to learn what it is I need to learn about my own inner growth, via these relationships with narcissists. The universe is saying, “no, jeanetta. You did not learn yet what it is you need to learn about yourself, just because you stopped talking to so and so. So here is another narcissist at your door.

    O***
    A****
    Y****
    E**
    And all the other random tinder dudes.

    I am ready to turn within. My inner being is my guide. What is within is with out. Are these so called narcissistic relationships a reflection of me? Yikes. I don’t wish to be that.

    I am turning to the work of Melanie Tonia Evans, Brene Brown, myself, Pema Chodron, and possibly others. Jeanetta ______ _________ is here. I am present. I am learning to listen to my inner being. I am learning to hear my inner being. I am learning to love myself unconditionally and wholeheartedly. I am complete already, but am still learning, in this human body, to express and act and experience myself as unconditionally loved. I forgive myself for being narcissistic. I forgive the narcissists for playing me. I forgive them. ”

    Then I just watched this video of yours. Wow. It’s all so true.

    24 hours ago, I was depressed and had literally thought that I was broken because all 4 relationships that I have had in my 30s have been with chronic narcissists and I am a huge bighearted empath; this does not include guys that I began to talk to from tinder or from the gym – those were not relationships, only guys I talked to to potentially date, but they were still narcissistic too but weren’t as good at hiding it so I could tell after a few conversations. I thought that my solution was to just accept that I will be single forever because I clearly don’t know how to gauge authenticity in people anymore. I was literally scared at my own naivete. I am regarded as very savvy, smart, successful, and independent so how could I be so freaking naive?

    I’m excited that I know I have to turn within. I am also scared still though because while I was watching this video, I was adding notes from this video to my journal entry and I added this:
    “When I ask the Universe, “Universe, what in my life is no longer serving me?”, I admit that I’m afraid of the answer(s)”

    Also what is weird is when one narcissist enters my life after I close the door on another, i think, “Finally, I am receiving my dream relationship. The universe is presenting him to me because I just went through that whole ordeal with so and so and now I’m coming out the other side” But alas, they turn out to be a narcissist who was fake with me the whole time. I look back at this last guy whom I though I would marry and I realize that I saw everysingle red flag but justified it. I literally thought that he was an amazing guy that just appeared to be disrespectful to me. I always thought it was me being a snobby prideful b**** who had too high of standards and that I should just be grateful for his love. Ugh. The other weird thing, is these past 2 guys, I wasn’t even interested in or looking for a relationship at the time they entered my life. I did not like them at all at first and tried to just be a platonic friend with them because they weren’t my type. So to the best of my understanding, I wasn’t even looking for a relationship which is what confused me because I thought that ignoring redflags only happened to women who were aching to be in a relationship. I realize that it was my own narcissism that allowed me to ignore the redflags: ‘I only attract genuine guys because I’m so amazing. I could tell if he wasn’t being genuine with me, etc etc’ That’s what I thought….even though my inner self talk changed to, ‘if I bring it to his attention, he might get offended and lose interest in me and I don’t want that’. Yikes.
    Anyways, thank you for the work that you do because I know that it is work! It’s work for me to just journal and meditate and change for myself, nevermind thousands of people. 🙂

  52. I have been in ‘no contact’ with my family since the end of February. I keep having experiences that recreate the trauma/drama between us and having gradual shifts and new awareness. It’s been particularly intense in the last three weeks.

  53. Hi Guys,
    Mel I am so grateful for receiving this topic. Early June saw the beginning of an attack on me, by my ex-husband (the narcissist) of 20 years. I freed myself from him almost twelve months ago and began the healing journey with you and this beautiful community on Dec 26th, 2017. It has been life-changing for me and my family.
    In May this year, I finally reported one of his many breaches of intervention order and he retaliated by seeking a slanderous family violence intervention order against me. I was sucked into defending and proving myself instead of seeing this as the gift it truly is. We had the first appearance in court June 5th, he left early so the case was progressed to a mention hearing on July 3rd, where a trial date has been set for October 15th, 2018.
    Thanks to your timely episode above, and the modules and meditations I have been working through, I am now ready to let go, stop defending myself and give him the opportunity to expose himself to the courts. An opportunity he has already taken with his lawyer and the Magistrate.
    I will continue to listen to my bodies reactions, question where the painful feelings come from and work to move them out of my body.
    Thank you so much,

    Sonia x

  54. I feel like Cathy mentioned. I think I’m losing my mind. I’ve worked so hard this past year on recovery and now I feel like I am further back than when I started NARP. I stepped up and said to my mother how I felt when I found out she told my daughters to lie to me. The result from her has been 3 weeks of the silent treatment after being told that I am unreasonable. And then a ‘friend’ just turned on me with the most vindictive, bitter, nastiest attacks on me when I voiced my disappointment at his attitude about something that mattered to me. This diversion into negativity made me forget an important day in my daughter’s life and now I’ve dissapointed her too. It almost feels like it’s better to allow the past status quo of accepting rather than try to be strong because the reactions have been deeply painful. I feel so alone and overwhelmed

  55. Melanie,
    Thank you for openly sharing and I am deeply sorry to hear about your break-up. I am sending you positive thoughts and energy. Your blog really tesonated-as so often your wisdom does- and helped me see a way through as I am also really hitting some major struggles and resulting anxiety and fears, Four years after ending my 10 year relationship with a narcissist common law spouse and the horrors that he inflicted during and after the relationship, I had made big steps in my recovery, guided by your work. I was finally feeling strong and assumed good things were on their way. However, recently I was hit by a massive truck while in my car and left with a major concussion leaving me able to do very little for months. Can you imagine having all that time to think with little e ability to engage with the world after trying to move on from abuse, which had resulted also In childlessness due to his lies and betrayals. I have taken a lot of strength from your words and it is extremely helpful.
    Thank you.

  56. Hi Mel. I truely can’t thank you enough for all the time you put into guiding us all through this learning & healing process. You have snapped me out of the victim status I have had myself stuck in for many years. Accepting that was a pretty tough cookie to swallow, you were right, I really didn’t wanna hear it! but I’ve consistently moved forward since that major change in attitude. Thankyou so so much! It was the first glimmer of true change & hopefulness I felt towards a situation (with ex ex narc) that had felt absolutely hopeless for over 10yrs.
    It was actually a bit comical, to start with I was upset saying who do you think you are saying I asked for all this crap, but quickly changed to absolute thrill & happiness when you taught me that I truely am responsible!😂

    Since discovering your work I have been watching your YouTube videos, blog, 16 day course, 3 keys workshop as often as possible & working on 1 self partnering & QFH most days. I feel I’ve had a few very successful shifts & some not so much so, & am hoping that now I’ve joined the NARP program also I will improve at the healings with more practice.
    Atm I’ve made my self care/love & rest a top priority hoping I will get better results once I have physical strength back. It’s all made it very obvious to me that I’ve been seriously neglecting myself over the last 4yrs particularly, but consistently throughout my lifetime. I have been the codependent doormat running around, turning myself inside out trying to keep everyone happy, people pleasing, in almost every relationship I analyse. I think I’m very empathetic but I do recognise I have some narcissistic traits too, which i believe are usually at a healthy level, but they’ve been exaggerated way out of proportion when I’ve been extremely exhausted & stressed from the pressure of circumstances here. I have many times questioned ‘am I the narc in all this?!’, but after all the research I now doubt that fairly confidently.
    I am interested in the moon, planets & their patterns & how all that energy affects us all also, & have been monitoring the events in mine & others lives constantly as part of my research into that too.
    I’d love a link to your energy readings to look at or a recommendation for someone you like if possible Mel.

    Your video here today is spot on! That’s exactly what’s been going on here! I’ve been practicing putting new boundaries in place; with my fathers family, Mum, ex narc (we have 2 toddlers), ex ex narc & our 2 teenagers also, as well as some close friends… & none of them are liking it very much at all & are trying every trick in the book to try & wear me down, manipulate me or beat me into submission again. It has been a very up & down roller coaster couple of months & I seriously need to toughen up & stop being such a pushover with everyone in my life.
    Thanks again Mel, & to all the people sharing here also, I don’t feel as alone as I did this morning now either Xo

    1. Hi Wendy,

      I am so happy for you that you have come so far.

      I love your level of self honesty and evolution. So inspiring!

      My energy reports were only ever
      Listed on my Facebook page, so unfortunately there is no listing to them.

      That is so awesome you are so committed to your self work and are now working with NARP.

      Lots of love and continued Thriving to you Wendy.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  57. Just lost custody of one of my children although she was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 and I got her all the help she needs.
    Sole Custody was granted to her NARC Dad, who didn’t even show up at the hospital when she was in the suicide ward.

    Feeling numb and don’t understand life anymore.

    Through NARP I see that this child is as narcissistic as her Dad and it’s safer for me and her siblings if she doesn’t live here.

    Yet it hurts so much to let go of a person you love deeply but is no good for you. She is still my child and I want the best for her.

    Listened to the story of the prodigal son.

    This complete brake down boils down to one question:

    Can I love myself more than others?

    In the past I didn’t. It is time to put myself first or my life is over.

  58. yes, life seems unbearable anymore. thought it was just how it is at 64. just realized that i probably have been making all wrong decisions my whole life.
    and now i am old with bad knees and feet and whole body. i feel hopeless.

  59. Thank you for once again a timely post.

    The therapist I was seeing told me that when we are recovering self that no one tells us we will encounter numerous losses at a certain point. Maybe that’s a good thing or people would be fearful of making that journey to authentic self.

    However, they are necessary losses. Pruning dead branches from a vine allows for healthier branches and new growth. A vine doesn’t grab hold of the dead branches and try to take them back! I certainly “grabbed” and desperately clung to what was necessary to leave my life in order to heal and recover the true from the false. Abuse is not love.

    Abandonment issues on my part and an attachment problems from childhood trauma caused me to hang onto the “familiar” narcissistic relationships that was a perfect match for early caregivers. I was trying to undo the past through present relationships. All were abusive in one form or another.

    How am I managing during the pruning season in my life while everyone falls away?

    Faith. Perseverenve. Trust. Hope. Stay on the path of recovery knowing that the hard work WILL reap reward! What’s that ultimate prize?? Me. That’s right! Out of all the losses the one person I am gaining is the one I lost so long ago; myself. Sometimes we have to lose everything in order to find ourself in Source ( God ). The false needs to drop off. What we idolized that competed with the most important relationship of all which is ourself through the Highest Power, leaves to make room.

    My Higher Power ( source, Love, God, Creator, Universe ) has been pursuing me for years. This is the driving inner force behind my efforts to recover myself. I was looking for the “knight in shining armor” outside of myself. But that knight is inside of me. “Source” ( as one can understand Him/Her ) has been pursuing me through my efforts. That is the pursuit of authentic love so unfamiliar to many of us. We begin to know the true from the false.

    Meanwhile, I no longer have any abusive relationships ( through their own wounding or whatever the reason ) in my life. And attached to that was self-abuse. All absuse is replaced with self-love. When we lose something, nature abhors a vacuum. So, I replace the empty spaces with loving action toward myself and attend Support meetings of like-minded people also seeking to evolve. A recovering community is important because we need support especially during all the necessary losses. Unconditional love replaces exploitation and manipulation as well as all of the other characteristics of narcissistic ( deeply wounded ) familiar, relationships.

    I believe events in the world now more than ever are pointing to what needs to be shifted and evolved on a grand scale. Narcissists in power positions ( world leaders etc ) mimic our narcissistic personal relationships. It’s being played out on a massive scale! We are being called to wake up and live conscious lives by evolving.

    We are losing our painful messengers who were like flashlights illuminating what needed to be shifted and healed inside of us. Our painful experiences usually contain the most profound gifts if we realize they are leading us to greater healing.

    Finally, to all of us who are loved enough to be called and responding to Creator to rise snd become our highest self in a world so desperate for that, do not lose heart or courage!!!

    Often in order to gain everything ( our true selves ), we have to lose much ( things, the false etc ) in order to make space!

    Meanwhile, we just keep courageously marching in the right direction which is forward knowing the light inside of us is guiding us to our destination.

    Melanie, bless you, as always. Thank you for expressing your gifts and for the valuable services you provide for so many. I know you touched me when I was so desperate two and a half years ago. I won’t forget the day I found you on line. It was pouring rain outside. I told God I needed help and wouldn’t get off the sofa until He “did something”. While researching on line about narcissists, I found your program. Reading your emails before I subscribed to the program felt like love letters from Source to me through the Source in you.

    Dorothy

    1. Awww Dorothy,

      Dear Lady your entire post is filled with such powerful truth and insight.

      I love and adore everything you wrote.

      Please know you are very welcome Dorothy and I feel blessed to share this incredible journey with you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  60. Dear Mel,
    It’s inspirational how you are not trying to present yourself as having a perfect life with no breakdowns. You are so classy in the way you do it! You were not hiding that there was narc no. 2, and you’re not hiding a breakdown. You share your life, and are not ashamed of it.
    I think about myself, trying to present a certain picture of me, afraid of consequences if I don’t do that.
    What you just did triggered in me the thought to go to the goal setting module to release shame and fear about exposing myself as I am.
    Virtual hugs to you ! And love 💕

    1. Awww Jane,

      Thank you! I totally am human Lovely Lady … and please know I have had to, and still at times need to deal with those feelings too!

      I’m glad I have inspired you!

      So much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  61. Hi Mel,
    yes, things are falling apart in my life right now. I’m no longer willing and able to take the financial exploitation by my partner of the last four years any longer. But I do have a real problem: thinking of ending a relationship triggers a deep trauma inside of me. Abandonment is the worst I can think of its a real challenge for me to actively end a relationship, even an abusive one…I feel helpless and fearful like a little child, I feel a threat of becoming annihilated, falling dead, or getting destroyed completely….the overwhelming intensity of these emotions, especially the childish helplessness, are clear signs that I am in trauma mode right now….and I don’t know a way out…
    So ending a relationship, even an unhealthy one is the challenge of my life because I do have not only to deal with the partner but also with the abandonment-trauma. The first part I can manage, the second I always loose….
    Wish me good luck this time,
    It helps a lot to know that many people are struggling with similar stuff right now….could really be some energetic shift…could also be the effect of huge masses, there is just a statistical chance that some of the members of a huge group are facing similar challenges at the same time. This then creates the effect of similarly “connected events”…
    Either way, it helps to realize that I am not alone and can reach out for help
    BHugs to all of you
    Stefan

    1. Hi Stefan,

      Please know I totally relate. If it hadn’t been for Quanta Freedom Healing to support and heal those terrors I know I couldn’t have made it.

      I wish you every powerful strength, blessing and breakthrough with this Stefan.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      1. There are some good news: after being in trauma-state for several days, severe panic attacks, an inner child screaming in agony, I remembered GKahn’s Rescue of inner children and managed to make it back to normal adult brain state with her imagination technique…omg, I’d like to finally get rid of all this trauma-crap at some time, it’s so energy-consuming and creates lots of trouble in my usually well ordered life..
        Hugs
        Stefan

  62. Long post warning! 😀

    Melanie, I completely resonate with this blog. My life has felt like it’s been falling apart for a long time and I’m holding it all together by silken threads…some days there is more clarity than others, but lately…it’s been a smokey mist of confusion.

    I’m new to your website, but not the healing process. I’ve been working in quantum healing practices for 15 years. Your voice is the most accurate and the most effectively moving toward complete healing from narc abuse that I’ve ever come in contact with…and there have been a LOT. You are the first that has voiced exactly what I’ve known all along must happen in order to completely heal and take personal responsibility.. it takes energy releasing from the cells in the body which is where the subconscious programming originates…quantum healing. I have known for a long time that the proactive approach of taking responsibility for the life we’ve created is the one based on truth.

    I’ve been on the threshold of big shifts for a few months. I asked my covert narc husband to move out over a year ago. This helped me get my feet on a path of more authentic and responsible living. Learning to create what I want in my life and healing from the toxic PTSD I discovered I was living under.

    The miracle is that he also started doing things to help himself heal…he enrolled in a 12 step addiction recovery program affiliated with our church and has gone through it three times now…he has come to grips with a lot of hard truths. We trepidatiously decided about a month ago that it may be time to reintroduce him into our home and back into the family. Of course, the four teens living here are anxious and have fears about it as do we. We went through some family counseling sessions months ago, with some resolutions, but not all have cleared since my husband was just beginning to accept that he’s got narc issues with…soooo, long story short, I’ve been bouncing around trying to be the glue to hold it all together while I take care of myself, and my four kids AND my narc husband as all of us stumble around to heal. (some of it codependently).

    Today, I had a huge breakthrough after reading the umpteenth email from you…I’ve been working on the codependency issues I have had for years…today, I read the phrase ‘self-partnering’ and it was as if the heavens opened and a huge download came into my brain and I UNDERSTOOD completely what it means for me. I was on a cloud. Then an hour later, I needed to have a conversation with my 19-year-old daughter about a curfew violation this week that took place. I was able to take responsibility for what I did that placed her in a nearly impossible situation for her to feel a win. (I won’t get into details…) But as we spoke, she broke down in tears and had a panic attack telling me I’ve been so mean these past few months. I was a deer in headlights! She truly had a meltdown…which is not uncommon for her as she’s dealing with her own healing of narc abuse and other things that happened before she was born which has given her a great deal of anxiety..but anyway, she left my room hyperventilating and crying about how I don’t understand her, she doesn’t feel loved etc… I was stunned. I’ve been the caretaker parent…I’ve been the codependent mom trying to run around making sure everyone is ok to overcompensate for their dad and his control…very long story short…I had a breakthrough as I looked heavenward and just told God, I am at a complete loss. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. Then a quiet feeling came up from my gut. I said the words out loud to myself “Terri, self-partner. You have what you need inside, it’s always been there. Trust yourself.” I knew I had to go to her. Without over-thinking (which is what I do usually), I got out of my chair and went to her. She was standing in her sister’s room hyperventilating with her hands on her face unable to talk in coherent sentences and I reached for her and gently pulled her to my chest. She let me…I didn’t need her approval to do it. I just did it with confidence. 🙂 (I was the MOM.) Yay! I didn’t need anyone else’s permission to be the mom!!!! *breakthrough*) I held her, stroking her hair slowly…trying to help her get back into her body again. I whispered affirmations periodically…but not too much. I just held her, loving her. The love was unconditional. She calmed down.. I don’t know how long we stood there with me holding her. When I felt she was ready to stand on her own. I moved back and held her face in my hands and told her that no matter what she feels or believes, I loved her. The love was so palpable…it was unconditional…wholly and completely. It feels so peaceful and full and blissful to feel the way I do. The turmoil is gone from my stomach. I keep sighing. I know I’m releasing a lot of toxic crap from the cells in my body…a lot of reparation will be taking place. I finally know how it feels to love myself and to know what I want and the kind of person I want to be from here on out and I know how to be that person! Holy Cow! And that what I want is ok. I don’t have the voices in my head running my life. I can not believe how much indecision has robbed me of my life and peace. What an enabler I’ve been. ha! no more. There’s a new sheriff in town!

    BTW, I am purchasing your program! We all need it in our family! Happy days are ahead for all of us! We are putting our family back together. (my husband is in the process of moving back in this weekend. Last night, after a really long conversation of authentic, vulnerability between both of us, he went back to the place he’s staying and read the info I suggested he read about healing from being a covert narc. He was interested and very open to it. (We’ve worked hard at the trust issues on his part…he trusts me now. 🙂 ) I just got off the phone with him. He proceeded to tell me how he’s read some things about covert narcissists and the behavior…He confessed that he sees it in himself…and this daughter. I was very happy and grateful that he has been vulnerable enough to be open to looking in the mirror. We are definitely on our way to recovery. The timing is perfect. God has our backs! I am so grateful. He will eventually be able to heal from the narc abuse he’s suffered from his mom and the neglect of both of his parents. sigh. Thank you for being authentic, vulnerable and for truly caring about those who suffer. You are an inspiration to me and I feel a calling about helping narcs most of all, who develope the ability to have humility enough to heal…as well as those suffering abuse. Thank you, Melanie!

    1. Hi Terri,

      Welcome to our beautiful community. It’s so wonderful that you deeply resonate with Quantum Truths.

      Thank you for sharing your beautiful, raw, and oh so honest post. What a stunning breakthrough for you and your daughter.

      I love that you have so powerfully inspired parents who will read your post.

      It’s an honour to have you and your family Terri in our NARP community now, and I love your passion.

      I believe that in this fast track evolution we are all experiencing that there will be some narcissists who surrender inwards to heal.

      Many blessings to you and yours Terri.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  63. I am now totally struggling with if it is worth it to reveal a possible Narc to other people. I feel as though my boss is willing to listen to my ideas about the covert manipulations of a co-worker which are leaving me feeling that my boundaries are being tested most especially when I am sick or feeling weak due to failures. Apparently I went on and on about it. They want to have a meeting with the co-worker. But I feel like me trying to explain my feelings to the co-worker is just useless because most likely he is a Narc and the management, his flying monkeys, are duped. I feel like I shouldn’t even try and should just leave. But I also feel responsible to assert to my employers that I observe that his behavior is what is causing so much turn-over. People who are not willing to allow him to tear down their boundaries just leave so he can continue to rule the roost. I am clearing and clearing. And, as you know, thought I had released these hooks. But alas, when I am sick and have experienced a failure, I need to keep fighting to maintain my boundaries because this guy sees this as an opportunity to begin attacking again. Is it even worth it to take my concerns to management? Or will I just activate it?
    Actually, I might be even better off without this job. But I think I would rather ‘lose’ to the Narc, than just be afraid to assert that I observe these behaviors as so many of my predecessors have and quit of my own accord. To me, it is a way to maintain my own integrity and be a source of my own boundary maintenance.

  64. I’m most definitely going through painful shifts and upheavals in my life this year. Just when I’m working so hard to get free I am pulled back in to this seemingly endless struggle. Thank you Melanie for encouraging me to keep up the good work because there IS more light and loveliness to come!! I love it that you are always right on point.

  65. Im so so sorry to hear about your loss. Much love and healing. Thank you for all the healing you bring. May you merit to have an ever lasting trusting and loving relationship and end all the pain.

  66. Yes, yes, yes….I feel this way! In fact, after blocking the ex-fiance he resurfaced again after my mistake to connect after 6 months only after he discovered how to leave me a voice mail message asking why I had not returned any of his calls. I notice I am stronger when I do not listen to his voice. When, I hear his voice I tend to do things not wanting to. However listening to the videos have made me so much stronger.

    Lessions learned, I realized how much I had changed and could blantantly see how he was manipulating me. The new Angie responded so differently to his comments, accusations, etc. Now, I have names to his behaviors and the cycle was there to “love bum” back for good. Again, he attempted to spend the 4th of July week with me and I kept saying No…it is over!

    Melanie, I have been feeling whenever he pops up it is on the verge of something great happening imy life like in the arena of finances. So desperately need a major breakthrough (laid off since July 2017). If I engage with him, it seems something mysteriously goes bad. Such as, interviewing for career job was 1st choice and sudden strategy shift. I did not get the job!

    Ugh! Again, he wanted to come last week and exactly when I had more opportunities. I feel that the energy he carries attaches to me and then my world slowly begins to spin. He got so angry at me for standing up to him and stating my new lifestyle choices and values. Literally, he was speechless and then as a power play cut me off and blocked me! Although, from December 2017 I had been successful to block up to Mother’s Day 2018.

    This is a battle, I feel will never end. I want to move forward and am waiting to save up to take the NARC Program. In the meantime, the videos and free seminars have helped me “get my life back”. I have hope and each time he pops back up….I find it takes few weeks to heal and go inside to push the trauma out of my heart and soul. There is no normal way to have a rational loving conversation to explain “why”? I deserve so much better and praying after the self inner work is done. I will and actually have attracted different type of men. I am just not ready to have a relationship now!

    Thank you thank you thank you!!! Melanie….Blessings to you! Angela Diane

    1. Hi Angela,

      Dear Lady I send the deepest wishes for your power and breakthrough.

      I truly believe that everything continuing to go wrong is totally all about Life / God / Source and our soul saying ‘This is not your truth’.

      Much love to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

      1. Melanie,

        Thank you for your comments here.
        I am more a believe now than ever in the within so goes without as you state.

        Quick story, I went to visit my 26 year old son, Aaron in the state of Tulsa, Oklahoma from Arizona where I reside. Upon my return after a wonderful visit, I realized walking into my home this was not my “truth” or the best God had for me in this particular home or environment.
        Amazingly, I have lived here for 6 years. It felt like A new lense fell over me. My spirit said to myself this is not where I am suppose to be!

        I attribute this to the inner work and connecting to God’s spirit pushing trauma and slowly recognizing the lies I believed as truth is not so. Now, my vision from the inside out surprisingly things are slowly looking different or having different trajectory is being shaped one I know not fully but one I believe will be a blessing and more good than past relationships were. Thank you…thank you!

  67. Hello, me again…Just for The record …for who desperately needs her/his-inner-self back again in all this craxy energy…
    Module 6 …!! is also very liberating , Very !
    True that
    Bye
    Good luck
    ❤👍☀🍹✌💋

  68. Melanie,
    You are so terrifically transparent that helps this community and thank you for doing so. I am standing and know the best partner is on his way. I see as we chose to do the self work…it continues to uncover and push stuff off and away from us to create a clear path for our highest self. This can only attract the best partner or person for us! I know the Best is Yet to Come! By the way, I am glad to see “Tigy the Grey Cat” is back. I love this touch when he makes an appearance is delightful! Blessings, Angela Diane 🙂

  69. This article was one of those synchronistic bombs for me. I have been clear of my experience with narcissistic abuse for about a year now. When I say “clear” I mean that the ex has no more ability to trigger me than anyone else. He’s just a guy now. Having up leveled that abuse up and out, I had begun to get deep into the work of becoming a co-creator. I was feeling powerful and confident until a few months ago. Out of nowhere, I noticed that my emotions were closer to the surface and that I became sad or despondent very easily. I wasn’t dealing with conflicts with my usual diplomacy. My confidence was shrinking. I haven’t been able to figure out why, after becoming so empowered and happy, I no longer was. This information makes sense and it feels right. I’ve been pretty hard on myself because I thought I had taken some steps back but couldn’t pinpoint where or how. I’ve even had some physical symptoms of fatigue and headaches that I can’t shake. It helps to know that there is a larger force at work. It is so nice to have some guidance about what is going on from someone who lives and believes as I do. Thank you for all that you do.

    1. Hi Jennifer,

      I am so pleased that you feel supported in this and that you know it is universal … and a cleansing purging phase of deep inner trauma.

      You’ve got this Dear Lady and we have got you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  70. So many horrible things even things in my nightmares have been happening lately. I was doing great then boom everything falling apart horrible things people doing horrible things to me for no reason bad luck and delays, strange occurrences too. I’m trying to survive looking for the light at the end of this nightmare lately.

  71. I’m losing even more as we speak. I have lost my parents do to their behavior my partner my siblings and now my adult children. They are pushing me away with their constant disrespect, name calling and selfishness. Ive kept a home for them for 15 yrs and stayed put and tried to do holidays etc. They don’t care they usually degrade me and leave a mess for me. Ive decided to move and take my 6and 7 yr old and start a new life in a new town. I’m so hurt but they are.killing me. I can’t take the hate anymore. I feel I’m being torn away from everything in the past that was disfunctional and forced to live my life for once. Ive been used abused controlled and manipulated my whole life.
    I never imagined my own kids would be like this. And it seems unnatural to leave them
    But their lives are their own.

  72. Please Help ! My survival depend on it ..Life or Death
    Literly the case . I’ve been NARP Member for quite some time , it’s helped me make sense of everything throughput my life & Clear Away part of damage incurred . My lack of the most basic essential needs of safety & security . Homelessness due to Fraudulent Legal Abuse from Ex N BF , I’ve managed to taken on More incoming , than Upleaveling Alr ady on my To- Do List . I barley made it the 1 st time , when I finally landed ( having a place w/ my daughter , due to above mentioned was never 100 % safe & secure ) I got hit w/ aftermath of physical toll it had taken & depression from that .. Just as I started to pull myself up from that … Only to Relive My Worst Nightmare ( s) All Over Again , Every injury & Attack Id suffered during this period , Sadisticly delivered back again to me @ hands of My Daughter , person I Love Most . Back in my car , @ storage in desert during record breaking heatwave , ( 114 degree temp ) barley able to walk due to physically attack by her BF & Mother of her Friend , trying to retrieve the essentials .
    Please guide me ,to the what numbers best apply & would be most affective … Biggest Challenges , Havibg a Voice instead of become paralyzed & letting go / turning it over , in order to receive support needed & be Source to Myself .
    During this Most Dire Time …
    I Thank You in Advance

    1. My appolgies for all the type’o’
      I can totally relate to everyone in previous posts before mine , much of which’s identical to my experiences leading up to now . What was most cruel & hurtful then , has turned into Most Brutal Unthinkable & Unimaginable

    2. Hi pcwave,

      Truly when it is all hopeless overwhelming and helpless, all we can do is start turning within to recover and heal the only thing we do have control over.

      These are the first steps here https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse

      And for your outer needs that truly is about researching and finding help resources in your community / state.

      Sending love and strength to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  73. I really loved this video. Yes I have done so much work on myself since discovery your material. I had just come out of a marriage to a narcissist and was totally lost. Over the last couple of months I felt like I had gone backwards. This morning even before reading your email I realised I had lowered my energy by ‘hanging out’ with ‘friends’ that were not uplifting for me. I was feeling lost again. so I made a list of 18 areas where I was giving my power away. Then I read your script and felt it was confirmed. Thank you so much for your work and for your pain that you share. I, like you have been working on myself for 40 years but NARP healing was able to take me to a much deeper level.
    I have also been able to help many more women in my work as a Life Coach and Counsellor. Thank you, thank you.
    Pam

  74. Yes, being ripped apart in and out of a vicious court battle for divorce and custody. I feel So broken, so lost, and don’t understand at all

  75. So glad I watched your video today. It explains why I’m struggling so much and overwhelmed at the moment. Three years post divorce and still coming out of the fog from years of narc abuse. Thanks you

  76. Hi Mel,

    My current overwhelm: trying to earn a real living after losing my intended career. Some moments I feel really optimistic. Some I feel incredibly depressed. Over all am pointed in a better direction and slowly moving toward better situation. So that is wonderful progress. But not where I need to be (yet?) and that is the crazy swing – fear and depression vs optimism. Done many deep dives around this, and yet there seems to be more…
    How about a session on regaining financial solvency and security after losing one’s career and financial independence? And doing so at 58+?

    Thanks,
    Valerie

    1. Hi Valerie,

      My heart goes out to you sweetheart and I know you will break through with this.

      You are so talented and incredible Val, could you start something that is your own business? What it is that your heart is calling you to do.

      I believe there are so many people who would align with what you have to offer. Maybe it is about you shifting the blocks in relation to the limiting beliefs around that?

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

  77. yes, it feels like going crazy but then I did meet a narcissist 2 years ago. I felt like I was doing fine and getting on with life, not thriving but having a go at it then all at once my Mum became ill and died, I was being talked about and lied about at work and I met a narc at the same place who pretended to be my friend. it has been ages since then but I know changes are happening but just feel stuck as in what next? I left the job I had all the trouble at because nothing was getting solved there. Also I know I am in need of repair and don’t want to rush into a crappy job but money is in short supply. thank you for all the help you offer

  78. Hi Melanie
    First of all I want to thank you so much for the Narp program which helps me a lot. I added some hoponopono tips as well as a small training about “rigology” (school of laughing) and yes I also had to abruptly wake up in the country i’m Living for more than 20 years where I thought I was considered like a “normal” citizen with nationality but without the religion needed in this country. My both daughters were in the army during two years, one is still reservist. A new law was voted so now I’m considered like a second class citizen. It was hard to swallow but now I’m able to laugh about it beeing without money and any ressources to move away. Just asked me how I can be always trapped in this kind of situation but now I’m able to see the situation as it is without too much fear and to think how I will be able to escape or to stay and see what will happen.
    Send you a lot of 💗 ❤️ 💗

  79. Oh Mel! My heart goes out to you <3
    I, too, was shocked to hear your relationship ended but truly life happens to all of us. I´m in the middle of my breakdown, have been for quite some time. Thank You for all your support!

  80. As hard as it feels it is good for us. Keep the faith. Do the work. What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. This too shall pass!

    God bless you for your support and wisdom, Melanie! You are a blessing!!!

  81. YES! And for my 36 year old daughter also! She broke her engagement and is now happy. Facing the wall. Fear of it — the breakdown. Then finding a way through or over — the breakthrough. Very very big. And my empathic son also is going through something big. But not the narcissistic father/husband. He of course is totally stuck inside himself. Amazing!!!

  82. I do not know how or why I missed this video made in June. June is when I joined NARP! I totally believe in energy reports, planetary influences, etc. since I have studied astrology & moon influences, etc. off & on for over 40 years.

    This not only confirms the knowledge but more importantly AFFIRMS who I am!!! How grateful am I for NARP? Ans: Beyond words!

    It is a new home where I can complete or at least continue my karmic healing.

  83. I’m watching this video here now – May 2019, but my journey / awakening started mid last year, about the time you recorded this. I’m in the middle of the tornado right now where my life has done a complete breakdown. Wow. Never would have imagined it all.

  84. Have come so far ..6yrs + , yet have been in the thick of despair last 2months , feeling out of control, life slipping , .
    Yet thankyou , I do follow engery shifts , somehow allow myself to lose my path …last 3 days have reconnected to the source and am releasing resistance…definitely feeling better, am catching myself.

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