Comments on: Is It Possible To Truly Love A Narcissist?

By: Jeff

Jeff — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 09:06:29 +0000

In reply to B. Perfect..

By: Jeff

Jeff — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 09:01:10 +0000

Thanks again Melanie for reminding me that it takes two. Three actually…my dad was always right there and I never realized it. I had so successfully repressed my memories of growing up with an alcoholic father, trying to relate to a man who was alternatively distant violent and caring who in twenty years only touched me when it was a slap across the face. A physically gorgeous statue of a man whose every inch I was in awe of, unable to understand how he had ended up with a woman as plain as my mother, learning from her to sit silently at the dinner table staring at the cold food for hours waitng for him to stagger home, heads down waiting for the plates to start flying and then later to help her make a bed under him on the living room floor where he passed out every night, too heavy for the two of us to move. And the next morning rain or shine he was up at 6 and off to work, never missing a day. Totally unaware of what went on the night before. Years later, long after I had left home to bury myself in my business, he sobered up permanently and called me to apologise for not remembering anything about me for the seventeen years I was his son at home.
So I figured then that things were all sorted out…dad clean reunited with son who was now all grown up and a successful pillar of his community. But the bad godawful relationships kept happening. Different guys but the same hurt. And always the same tears..why why why wont he love me anymore why is he such a twofaced superficial bastard why cant I dump him why am I so good with clients and staff and so pathetically inept with relationships. The last one burned a hole in my heart and my head for four years but this time I reached out to sites like yours and to you. Initally because it reminded me of him and because it gave me the tools and terms to justify myself as a victim but then as the tapping and no contact took effect i began to see the pattern of abuse was all down to me. Me convincing myself that all these moody needy self absorbed men who were so clearly incapable of loving anyone would be the ones to bring joy and love to my life. Wasted tears wasted years…maybe not if they helped me finally reach this place in my life. I’m not going to be sending chocolates and a thank you note to all my exes any time soon but I will say thanks to you Melanie. For dedicating your life to help people like me find their way out of that dark place into the light.

By: Ana

Ana — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 10:31:35 +0000

I am really understanding a lot more by reading your articles, thank you.

I wondered if you, or someone here could help me with one question I have.

I am 28 and I ended the relationship with my abuser just over one year ago but he still will not leave me alone and says he still loves me and wants to make it work, and says he takes responsibility for what he did and says he will do anything to heal, and will go to meetings etc. Although his behaviour has improved slightly during this time, he still shows many traits that show me he has not changed.

Why after so long does he still want me? does it mean he really did love me? or is he just being nice so i will think he’s changed? or has just found no one else he can abuse?

Do abusers ever change???

.Please help. Thank you

By: B

Tue, 13 Oct 2015 07:45:56 +0000

Hi Mel
I have found this song from Adele *Turning Tables* especially good for my healing from a relationship with a narc. The hopelessness, the confusion, and finally the courage to move on and be my own savior.

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we’re fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can’t keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you what you think you gave me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables, to turning tables

Under haunted skies I see
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I’ve braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down

I can’t keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe

So I won’t let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you what you think you gave me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables, turning tables

Next time I’ll be braver, I’ll be my own savior
When the thunder calls to me
Next time I’ll be braver, I’ll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won’t let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you what you think you gave me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables, to turning tables
Turning tables, yeah, turning

By: amy

amy — Tue, 13 Oct 2015 04:31:04 +0000

Dear Melanie,

Thank you so so so much for all the articles on your website.
2 weeks ago, my ex narc bf of 1 year “dumped me”. Initially, I had no idea I was in a relationship with a Narc. I was sad and I couldn’t find closure. He posted really nasty things on FB about me which were completely out of context and not true. Then a friend of mine said he definitely had NPD. I immediately googed this and to my surprise, he ticks ALL THE BOXES. All the gas lighting, cheating (he admitted to this only after we broke up), smear campaign, lying after lying, threatening, projection… I’m so so so so glad that I got out of that toxic relationship in time. He still messages me now, trying triangulation, smear campaign, gas lighting to put me down. Surprisingly, after reading your articles, I feel nothing towards his revelation of infidelity (of course, he mentioned it was all my fault that he cheated) or his bad words (he wishes me miscarriage after miscarriage, who would say that?!). I just want him to get out of my life. I stopped replying to his messages, and definitely will do no contact… Thank you so much for your articles, I would have been so confused and devastated otherwise. It’s really amazing how after only 2 weeks after breaking up, I went from sad to disgusted.
I really hope the society gets to know more about this type of disorder.
Thanks so much Mel.

By: Shauntel

Shauntel — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 15:11:30 +0000

I have poured over your articles for the last month. I often find myself in tears as I realize how completely blind I was to what was happening to me. I have let a textbook narcissist into my life twice now. I have allowed him to take advantage of me and each time he has left I felt less and less like the person I used to be. I know now that the person I am, the if I just keep loving and giving, and the person he is, the if they keep giving I’ll keep taking, are never meant to be. He had me so convinced that he was everything I needed and could ask for and each time he broke it off (often without warning) I was left reeling. The pain of the discard phase is unexplainable. But while my interactions with him are still present, I’m getting better at reading the red flags and everyday I feel a little stronger. I know I have to get to a place where it’ll never happen again, because if I know him, it’s about every few months and he comes back to get his fix. I want to be strong enough to walk away And know I am better off. I think I’m on my way. Thank you.

By: June

June — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 18:30:50 +0000

Hi Melanie
I have a question, my partner is a narcissist, I don’t know if it’s just traits or the personality disorder, he was abused as a child, he says he wants to change his ways but hasn’t really taken any steps to change, do you think it will be helpful if I gift him NARP? will it work for him as well as for me?

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 22 Sep 2015 04:36:58 +0000

In reply to Jane M..

Hi Jane,

thank you and I am so pleased you enjoyed the article.

It is so, so true “the N” is really only the catalyst to get us on this path of evolving self!

It is about US and our entire Life.

Bless and much love

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 22 Sep 2015 04:28:05 +0000

In reply to Lou.

Hi Lou,

glad that resonated.

Bless!

Mel xo