Comments on: Overcoming Co-dependency And Becoming A True Source To Self

By: Ann McCoy

Ann McCoy — Mon, 27 May 2013 03:44:34 +0000

Dear Mel, I am on unit 3 of Quantum healing. I am having a hard time releasing my rage at the narcissist. I lost the house, all of my money and at 67 am having a hard time rebuilding. I don’t miss him but I miss may garden and feel very ripped off/ like a bank that has been robbed.

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 16:07:10 +0000

Hi Melanie,
Last night I awoke as I do many nights and my thoughts turn to the devastating effects Nism has had on my life and those of my siblings. Only last night I could actually feel the peptides being released in my body and recognized it. The point is I have been shown that the energy comes from within me, that noone can change it for me, no belief, blame or judgment will ever fix it. Melanie, I am grateful to you for your resources as I continue to maintain no contact and work the recovery tapes. With the holidays arriving her in the U.S. I have reviewed the Narcissism and No Contact e-book and audio as a kind of insurance against possible “holiday hooks” and breaking no contact.

By: Jewel

Jewel — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 14:29:21 +0000

Thanks Melanie for making a difference in my life.I’m getting there. The jewel that is ME is shining. We will all make it!

Do you know what you are?
You are a manuscript of a divine letter.
You are a mirror reflecting a noble face.
This universe is not outside of you.Look inside yourself;
everything that you want,you are already that.

~ Rumi

By: Ingrid

Ingrid — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 12:25:58 +0000

Melanie
I discovered your site through my sister who mentioned the term “gaslighting” to me from here I came across the narcisstic abuse for the first time. I watched your youtube videos before reading your articles which have enlightened me so much and I now see with such clarity my strong pattern of codependency with narcisstic men and women too.
1 recognise my abuse started with my father at such an early age. He made me his golden girl and hooked me only to lie, manipulate and continually break his promises to me.
I later went on to marry a very damaging man who almost destroyed me. I was rescued by an amazing man but I was so damaged I sabotaged this relationship to have an affair with another narcissist who took so much from me. My partner tried to forgive me and I just felt so damaged I walked into another relationship with another narcissist. For 7 years I played a cat and mouse game with this man. I would end the relationship and try and break away and he would come back stronger and stronger with more and more promises. I ended the relationship 2 years ago this month but didn’t do the no contact and we continued to see each other until he met someone new and cut me off refusing to talk to me, speak to me, meet with me. I went to his home and he would look at me with cold reptile eyes and tell me to go away.
I am a strong independent woman with my own business, a son I support and love. I’m surrounded by amazing and healthy friends yet I became a psychotic wreck and one night tried to end my life. I thought I was loosing everything. My ex told people that I needed professional help, he claimed I was crazy, depressed and dangerous. He fabricated stories and lied to some of my friends about my outrageous behaviour. I just didn’t get how a man who proclaimed to the world how much he loved me could treat me like this. I do now understand and you have helped me to clearly see this.
I have a long way to go but I feel a shift. 4 men and 4 very very damaging relationships with narcs has left me stripped me of my sense of self and self worth.
I have never posted on a blog before and perhaps I’ve gone on too long here. I did meet someone a few months ago and recognised very early on those instinctive gut feelings that things weren’t right. At first I put it down to me and “my issues” but then actually stopped the relationship as it was triggering the same feelings. This was liberating for me but its also made me scared and vulnerable at the same time. I realise I have so much healing to do and by now recognising and taking responsibility for my unhealthy pattern with me. I need to love me and change on that energtic level as I do know this approach works. I have been working with the law of attraction approach on other areas in my life and it does work.

When a close friend asked me why I tried to end my life I described how I felt. I described how for so many years I was slowly falling down a well, every now and then I would find a ledge or crevice and rest and feel safe only to fall again, and again, and again until I reached the bottom where there was no light, just a numb emptiness that I couldn’t live with anymore.
I will look at your recovery plan and I’m now so determined to have the life I deserve. I have days of feeling such joy and excitement and they are the feelings that make me feel so grateful to be here still. Melanie thank you so much for this amazing resource.
Ingrid

By: Jac

Jac — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 02:05:03 +0000

Hi Mel and everyone,
Co-dependency was a big one for me and I have written a list of my own personal co-dependent issues, which I am happily clearing with NARP, step by step. I know people who rely on Alcohol, drugs or medication to make themselves feel better. I used to live that life too and know now, how it would have lead to my demise eventually.

A verse I found from an artist, which explains about reflection and illusion is worth sharing.

‘ reflection. n. …the action or process by which the mind takes cognizance of its own operations; continued consideration, thought, meditation;….’
( 1982 ) The Concise English Dictionary. Omega.

‘ But most of us do not want to wake up, and so we live in illusion. With the dissolution of conflict, there is tranquillity and then only can reality come into being. Masters, saviours and gurus are unimportant, but what is essential is to understand the increasing conflict of desire; and this understanding comes only through self-knowledge and constant awareness of the movement of the self.’
J. Krishnamurti ( 1997 ) Commentaries on Living. 1st series. Quest Books.

I think this relates to co-dependency too, where we live in our illusions to avoid taking responsibility for self, so cling to experiences on the outside to make us feel safe. Being true to self is so much easier than living in illusions. x

By: Jac

Jac — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 01:47:47 +0000

In reply to Belinda Carpenter.

Hi Belinda,…hope you don’t mind my input and saying hi 🙂 Rather than battle daily with yourself and what has happened, I suggest NARP. I too was involved with firstly an OCD, Narcissist then 2 months after breaking it off with him, was swept off my feet by a high level NARC. Plus my pain goes way back to when I was 1 years old, as my father was a very high level Narc, so unconsciously attracted the same type of man into my life. Luckily my mother left him when I was 2, as she listened to her instincts and advice from a psychiatrist who said he could not be helped.

NARP has proven to me, just how quickly we can shift the pain, clear it from our cells and not battle every day. Rejecting it and putting it aside, will no make it go away. We can rewire our conscience and the answer is there, within us, that when you start to feel the shifts, and clearing the stuff out, you will finally get to meet you. It is like stepping out of your body for a moment, shaking yourself out, clearing out all the toxic junk, then stepping back into yourself, feeling clear, clean and open to be able to absorb the nourishment of true self and life. That is one way to describe it, and you feel lighter after a shift has taken place. Melanie really knows her stuff and has the personal experience to back it up. I am truly greatful to her. Jac x

By: AJ

AJ — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 00:46:16 +0000

In reply to Belinda Carpenter.

Wow Belinda what you have said just sums me up, and with such clarity! It’s only in the last 6 months that I have come to realise this about myself – just as you stated: “Childhood abuse and a dysfunctional family have unconsciously wired me to feel comfortable with dysfunctional adults.”

By: Brinton Motheral

Brinton Motheral — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 05:12:53 +0000

Melanie, Good day. I’m a codependent narcissist that has greatly benefited from your teachings. I’m grateful.
As per previous correspondence with you, my girlfriend at the time forwarded your N information to me and I had that moment of clarity in June of this year. Through the grace of God my N facade was shattered. I had know and FELT for over 40 yrs that something was wrong with me, I just didn’t know what. I was filled with tremendous guilt and remorse realizing how I had treated my girlfriend and many other women before her. But after a few days I began to feel relief that I was finally myself,
just myself and Mr Big Shot was gone for good. I am growing more comfortable everyday with myself. I extended myself to my girlfriend of 4 yrs. I really wanted to mend our relationship and be authentic partners, but she had had enough and we have parted. Very sad for me, but this time has given me the opportunity to heal from the hurt and recover from the pain and reflect on my life and the past women in my life.
I was told many years ago by a counselor “Don’t be a victim of your own games”. That has applied to me my whole life and I have had a continuous string of unsuccessful marriages and affairs all ending in pain and confusion.
Dear Abby says life is a series of lessons and a lesson keeps getting harder until one learns it, then we go to the next lesson.
I know I closed off and build a wall at the age of 7 when my mother refused to take me to a missed kindergarten class. FIFTY YEARS later the wall came down…I’m not making this up.
I’m healthy, look good, don’t drink or smoke and have a successful business.
I understand that we are all connected to the energy of the universe. I have felt it and it is marvelous. I am presently reading The Secret that professes the same knowledge that you know and teach Melanie. I am encouraged and excited to create the most magnificent version of myself each day.
Thank you for your insight and the work you do helping mankind.
Brinton

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 03:36:39 +0000

Hi Belinda,

thank you for your post.

That is so true, how attached we get to trying to fix someone else after we have put so much of ‘us’ in there. This is totally the pattern for everyone who gets hooked into abusive relationships.

So true too – you nailed it! Integrity is not serving us if we put that above emotional self-support and truth.

That is great that you are at the point of ‘enough is enough’.

Once you get to work on healing your unhealed parts (your inner self) truly you will know how to assert, you will know how to back yourself, and it will be a natural part of your being – rather than the ‘struggle of knowing what you need to do – but having inner belief systems that are still hooking you into your old tapes and programs.

This is why the inner work is a much more direct and easier way and true way to break out of all of this.

Mel xo