This article is a follow on from last week’s article Raising Consciousness – The Difference Between Victimisation and Thriving.
After last week’s article I was overwhelmed with positive feedback. Many people emailed me and messaged me on Facebook stating “I am so proud of you for doing this!” … and I really didn’t expect or need accolades, that’s not why I am doing this mission – yet what did thrill me was knowing that people are shifting. More and more people are transcending from mere survival to true Thriving in this community every day.
What was also wonderful was people, who were very honest about still being stuck in their victimhood, asked questions … and even though I can’t answer you all personally, I really wanted to answer those questions in this article.
That is what my intention with this article is about – helping people leave behind the pain and stuckedness of victimisation so that you can truly move forward.
The most important thing I would love you to understand is this: no matter what I explain to you – the real truth is inside you. It’s how your body feels. You already know “what isn’t working” in response to how a choice feels in your body.
It’s just we weren’t taught how vital it is to honour that, and that’s what the Thriver journey is all about – self-partnering. The coming home to yourself in order to navigate life from that centre.
In this article I want to work through the five illusions of victimhood as I see them. To really help you break this down and get clear why victimhood is hurting you so much, and what it is actually teaching you regarding how to get better, become actualised and break free from the pain and the repeat victimised cycles you are suffering.
I will start off by leading with this … What someone did to us is not what victimises us. What victimises us is being in judgement of someone for the state of our lives, rather than partnering with ourselves.
Because we are unable to mid-wife our breakdown to a profound breakthrough in our own evolution.
Which means we can’t heal – and we don’t get better.
Okay, so let’s go through the 5 illusions one by one …
Illusion 1: What I Think is How I Gauge My Life Rather Than What I Feel
This illusion sets the foundation of feeling stuck as a victim, and therefore it is really important to understand it.
Being separated from love from others and the great stuff in life all starts with separation from self.
If we are not in our bodies tuned into our natural wisdom and knowing, we are disconnected from our internal guidance system which is trying to lead us into genuine wellbeing.
This means we are second guessing; we don’t trust ourselves, which leads us into the precarious position of putting our trust in others.
Often even when our gut is trying to tell us the exact opposite.
It’s not until we do eventually come home into our bodies and realise how effective internal knowing is, that we realise how complicated our life was being disconnected from our internal guidance system.
Living life in our heads and being disconnected from being with our internal emotions is one of the most painful illusions to live by and it is incredibly compelling.
The human experience has been one entrenched in disconnection for centuries. For thousands of years we have been trained out of our original roots of being in tune with our bodies, nature cycles and listening to infinite inner wisdom (the God within) in order to navigate our lives effectively with our environment.
In stark contrast we have been unplugged … we are in massive self-disconnect. This complicates life because we feel incredibly unhinged and unsafe.
This causes us to look for answers, love, support and safety in all the wrong places (outside of ourselves).
As if this wasn’t bad enough, on top of this programming we were encouraged to do everything to avoid or shut our shattered emotions (the pain of disconnection) up … rather than come home to them, self-partner and heal them (self-integrate).
Of course this made people very easy to control. If people are in perpetual inner emptiness, pain, discontent and confusion (symptoms of self-disconnection) then there is a definite gap in the market to offer solutions to “fix” negative emotions.
Everything ranging from a new car to an anti-depressant.
You may wonder what all of this has to do with “victimhood” …
It has everything to do with it.
When we are in our heads we feel disconnected from ourselves, and that means we are not self-present to heal, love and soothe our emotions when things go wrong. So the pain continues and escalates because we are not healing it – and then, because it is so horrendous when unattended to, we have to try to displace it by finding something / someone to “blame” for the emotional state we are in.
Then we are further toxifying and damaging our Inner Being with the poison of resentment coursing through it (nasty peptide chemicals that create self-destruction), and like all false fixes … (usually states / choices we get very addicted to) the relief channel sought only compounds the already existing trauma.
And then we chase our tail having to up the ante of the self-avoidant action trying to relieve the very pain and anxiety that is being compounded by that very action.
Blaming others is the epitome of that vicious cycle.
You need to understand this … one of the biggest reasons why we fell into narcissistic abuse situations in the first place was because we were not anchored in our body honouring our emotions.
Even if our internal GPS was doing back flips with red flags, our “mind” made up excuses; we wanted this person to be a real person despite the mirage. We wanted them to be the saviour who would grant us a connection back to ourselves and life … despite knowing at some deep level this person was not right for us.
Sadly, we were trained out of listening to our bodies – our intuition, our inner wisdom – from a very early age. This happened in the simplest and most damaging of ways, such as: Mum and Dad argue and we know there is something going down. Then we want to discuss this with them because our feelings of safety and survival feel threatened. Mum and Dad deny they are arguing; they think lying protects us, but what it is really doing is shattering the trust in our own internal navigation systems.
Because Mum and Dad are our “Gods “and we don’t have an established Inner Identity yet, we look to them for all our modelling of human existence. As a small child we soak up their example as utter truth, because we have no frame of reference to formulate information otherwise.
So we very quickly learn my internal system is off. It’s wrong. it’s faulty. It’s not to be trusted.
Then the obvious happens … we become adults in “danger”, and our GPS system goes off and we can’t trust it. So we try to confirm what is happening with other people, and we believe THEIR version – even if it is a LIE.
That is exactly what went down in narcissistic abuse.
What I find sooo interesting is the smearing that has happened in regard to “intuition”.
People determined to stay victims say things like this to me, “Melanie, all of this intuition, getting in your body stuff is all New Age woohoo!” And I have to admit once upon a time when I was unplugged from myself and stuck in my head I used to think the same thing!
Now I know this point blank – if we don’t understand how relevant intuition is – we deny ourselves everything … and I mean that literally. Everything!
We miss the point – we miss the gift and lesson of what happened to us, and we have no way of making it our mission to clean up our VITAL connection to ourselves.
We miss the narcissistic abuse experience as being the most incredible billboard pointing you home to yourself. The necessary mission to repair all of that disconnect that happened years ago – not just so you will never get taken in by a narcissist again, but so you can start having the true experience of self-partnering, connecting with and loving yourself and generating real life.
One where your life is no longer based on external precarious conditions – such as other people’s truths rather than your own. That was a massive “gap” that allowed a narcissist into your life.
The other “gap” when we are living unplugged is the gnawing emptiness of …
“I can’t feel whole unless I get A, B, C and D.”
Then it is inevitable that a False Self rushes into those gaps jumping up and down with, “Look at me! Look at me – I am the solution!” … no different to the false solution of the new car or the antidepressant if posing as solution to the lack of solution you are being for yourself.
Additionally many victims mistakenly believe, “If I just use my intelligence to learn everything there is do with narcissists, I will heal and avoid them in the future.
That is TOTAL rubbish!
Yep I just said it … how it truly is … because I PROMISE you learning all there is to know about a narc is NOT a valid defence.
Get this – please … only partnering with and repairing and your own inner being, your own GPS is.
And of course people resist this – because there has been such a great job of damning intuition as airy fairy, “new age”, and even ridiculous or stupid.
Or heaven forbid – even evil.
Let’s face it there was a total genocide of drowning or burning anyone who displayed “intuition”(usually females), not so long ago.
Sooo … we may say “that person is weird” if they talk about their intuition, or state “that was a fluke or a coincidence” if anyone’s intuition proved to be true.
Yet it is the most simple and natural of our abilities and was originally always meant to be so.
Every one of us knows the utter truth that when we have a gut feeling, and ignore it … how things turn out poorly.
If we are disconnected and second guessing, our mind jumps in and starts supplying excuses, reasons and justifications, and we talk ourselves out of a gut feeling.
And we pay a huge price.
Not just some of the time … EVERY time!
On a smaller scale, how many times have every one of us had a gut feeling such as, “take this item with you today,” then ignored that and later in the day realised how necessary that thing was?
There is NO denying our internal GPS exists and is correct, yet we still make excuses to dismiss it as “our imagination”.
When we are victims, we are not in our body, we are not listening to our feelings; in fact we have completely abandoned our bodies and guts and we are firmly in our head.
This is where our ego is the most severe, devastating and powerful in our lives. This is when we become toxically engaged in blaming and shaming and horrendous feelings of pain whilst doing everything we can to try to escape our emotional agony.
I really want you to understand THAT is the antithesis of self-love.
This is total disconnect from self-partnering.
It means not loving ourselves enough to be with our own emotions to heal them.
Illusion 2: Someone is to Blame For What Has Happened to Me
Illusion 2 leads on from Illusion 1.
When we are not in our body, and have not realised that the pain someone delivers us is showing up for us where we are not self-partnering – then we will blame them for our pain.
Rather than understanding the bigger picture: this was all to do with me coming home to myself for self-partnering, self-love and becoming the generative source of my own life experience – we default back to the judgemental role models and scapegoats our world conditioned us to believe in.
Namely … “Someone else is to blame, and some outside evil force made this happen to me.”
Which is all very convenient because it allows us to sidestep personal responsibility.
More profoundly than that – it means that if we are blaming other people we are powerless to help ourselves – which means point blank we remain powerless.
Let me explain in really simple terms how this works.
It means … “Because of you my day is ruined and I can’t make my day okay now. Unless YOU fix it!”
Logically isn’t this ridiculously odd seeing I have an unlimited world of experiences, resources and emotions available to me OTHER than you?
This illusion of blaming you and holding you responsible for the state of my life means my experience of myself and my world is now completely dependent on you.
And then what happens if you – as well as myself, because I certainly aren’t taking responsibility for my own life – don’t have the resources to come through with the goods?
It’s pretty obvious – I’m SCREWED!!!
And then I am determined to blame YOU for that?!
Let’s just stop and breathe all of that in … Can you see how insane this notion is?
Can you see how utterly powerless the victim blame model is?
Clearly something is terribly flawed here …
Illusion 3: Someone Hurting Me is a Personal Attack On Me
Illusion 3 leads on from Illusion 2.
When we are blaming someone for not being the source of ourselves that we are holding them responsible to be … if feels incredibly personal.
We feel like they are evil monsters, who purposefully make our life a living hell.
We don’t understand that he or she REFUSING to take responsibility to fix our life is for one reason only …
Life is doing all it can to let us know it’s actually our responsibility!
However, until we evolve beyond victim consciousness, this illusion is incredibly powerful and keeps us separated from other vital understandings necessary to transcend beyond the lesson.
Such as … we haven’t realised that the total lack of compassion and humanity we accuse abusers of is mirroring the intense resentment and judgement that we hold against them.
We don’t have the wisdom or compassion of deeper understanding to know the absolute truth …
That there is ONLY one reason anyone does anything to hurt another, and that is because they themselves are in grave emotional pain.
The greater the capacity to hurt, the more torturous agony that soul is in.
If you were to see a three year old child being brutalised now … would you have compassion for him or her?
Of course you would.
What if you were to fast forward and see that this little innocent child has become an abuser. Would you still feel compassion, or would you feel hatred towards them?
What if this abuser was abusing you?
Would you see it as a personal attack? Or would you see it as where they are in their own journey of being unconscious, and it is therefore NOT personal at all?
All of that would depend on where you are at with your journey of self. Whether or not you are an evolving self-partnering being connecting to truth … or not.
If you are not in your body, and not self-partnering and are still holding other people responsible for your disconnection, (ironically people who are severely disconnected and suffering their own agonising wounds) you will MISS the truth …
That it is NOT personal. These people are wounded adults acting out of intense internal wounds, and given their level of internal damage can do it NO differently.
When you come home to yourself you recognise this, you know this is truth. You know this person is simply being the best they can presently be, and you remaining attached to their abuse is really about you abusing yourself.
You also know that when you learn to love yourself enough you will never tolerate abuse again – because you simply will not allow anyone to treat you in ways that you could never treat yourself.
Those are the lessons.
Now … let’s take this illusion deeper.
Let’s do a dialogue of a victim stuck in the belief “what happened to me is wrong, and I need to blame someone.”
This person who victimised me was once a victim .. that’s the deal ..
So who victimised them … their parents did.
So I want to blame the parents! I want to witch hunt them, get them, burn them and damn them to hell for what happened to me!
But who victimised them?
Okay so I want to hold them responsible …
But their parents were like that too …
Hang on … who CAN I point the finger at?? Who is the real culprit?
Ok … our world?
Or … maybe it’s God??
I know … maybe it’s the Devil???
But that still feels like rubbish in my body – I’m STILL blaming …
I’m still withholding love from myself … I still haven’t come home to myself in my own body, self-partnered and loving myself, healing myself and learning to trust myself and navigate Life directly with Life.
So truly … why don’t I just give all that crap up of trying to lynch someone …. and just start healing and loving myself, as well as face some real truths about all of this?
Doesn’t that make so much more sense?
And that’s exactly what I am doing in this article – revealing truths that you may never have thought about, looked at or even wanted to acknowledge.
Namely … why are abusers the way they are, and why have we ourselves been susceptible to abusers?
The real answer is this: because of world-wide unconsciousness.
For every one of us who had a difficult childhood or suffered an abuser in our life, we need to ask ourselves “Why were parents like that?”
It is not organic to be “abusive”. It is sadly normal, but it is not natural.
The only reason humanity took a severe nosedive into unconsciousness is because fear and pain was inflicted – shame, judgment and attacks on self-esteem were introduced.
Including conditional love, punishment, and all sorts of ways to think of ourselves as defective, not good enough and having to prove that we were worthy of love.
The human condition has not done any favours for people’s organic healthy connection with themselves, and there was no training regarding emotional intelligence or how to bring children up without creating damage to their subconscious.
How many children had a healthy upbringing where parents were not wounded, not in survival and were somatically and emotionally sound enough to be present with TRUE love … not conditional love, not punishing love, not love full of determinants and expectations?
How many children grew up knowing that they were lovable and valuable simply as themselves?
How many children grew up with parents who had the healthy awareness and tools modelled to them to separate out and guide behaviour without shaming and blaming a child’s Inner Identity?
The rare individuals who did have conscious healthy parents are the ones who have gorgeous relationships with other gorgeous conscious people.
Or they didn’t have these parents and either just “were” an anchor of love (their personality type) or they did a lot of work on themselves to get there.
So then we can ask “How many real happy relationships exist?” The answer is very few because there are very few people in our shockingly unconscious world … very few people … who don’t believe that someone else has to either fix what happened to them (victim model) or someone else has to grant them healthiness and happiness (victim / co-dependent model).
Because of separation from self, people felt separated from Life and others and they maladapted to cope. They started lying, hiding, wearing masks … trying to be a certain way (inauthentic) in order to survive.
Humanity quite frankly is extremely sick.
If your parents or the abuser’s parents had been brought up in a world where emotional intelligence and healthy self and healthy parenting was compulsory training and they reneged on classes – then yes, you could blame them.
The truth is they had no skills; they were simply trying to emotionally survive within the emotional malfunction of their own damaged subconscious programming that they acquired from their parents – the subconscious programming that from age 35 years of age controlled 95% of their emotions, thoughts and choices on auto-pilot.
Programming that was likely to be severely skewered away from love and certainly not towards it.
This is why we have a world filled with the co-dependency of our side of the net (If I am good enough to you and give you everything you want, you might just love me this time) with the other side of the net crammed with narcissists (If I can control you enough you can’t ever hurt me again), and the toxic ball-play between enemies getting trashed out in-between.
Not even realising we are NOT enemies … we are all in this together!
All because of the faulty programming and lack of spiritual, emotional awareness our world is inflicted with – known as dire UNconsciousness.
I promise you, you are not in battle with a narcissist … you are in battle with unconsciousness – the trance our world is plunged in that makes it all look like “It’s someone else’s fault.”
The belief that has left you totally powerless to create a different life for yourself.
It’s NO-ONE’s fault … it was all created to be like this.
And when we blame and look to pin the fault somewhere we have lost our humanity and compassion for the wounded people before us, who were entrenched in the unconsciousness and wounding of their forebears.
Is that mother or father going to have the opportunity to wake up and heal themselves? Can they ever get well, and get out of their living internal hells? They more than likely won’t and that is the saddest thing anyone can suffer – the not coming home to their own True Self – the never being able to become an integrated human being.
Can narcissists do that? At this point it’s highly unlikely …
But we, as an adult today can.
ALL of us … victims and victimisers alike are victims of this.
So … the only … ONLY question is this one: Am I going to wake up?
So how will you get out of this trance?
By taking 100% personal responsibility to heal. You need to understand this determinant is absolute, because someone who will not take personal responsibility for their own Inner Being (narcissists, as an example, are the ultimate victim) can never heal.
But you can … you can stop being a victim, you can take 100% personal responsibility to stop blaming, stop believing it is a personal attack against you, and heal your our being to release yourself from this unconscious nightmare.
None of this is about personal attack.
It is about personal evolution.
Illusion 4: Reinforcing My State Will Someone Heal Me From it
Illusion 4 leads on from Illusion 3.
When we believe we have been personally attacked by an abuser, we believe we have been shattered, and we tell ourselves that “reality” often.
And we even get told by others that having a “voice” about our version of being destroyed and shattered will help heal us.
Really ….. ?
This never works – it simply reinforces your state.
Because … whatever you say you are right.
Beliefs are powerful – they form your Inner Identity. Please understand this, your subconscious is monstrously powerful. It is responsible for the billions of every day chemical processes that keep you alive.
Processes waaayyy beyond the level of your conscious knowledge or ability.
Your subconscious also has the almighty power to turn your chosen beliefs and statements that are steeped in strong emotions into absolute truth for your life.
They become the controlling determinant of how you feel, what you think, how you show up, what you generate in accordance with others and life as per how your show up, and what life delivers to you – to the letter.
This is simply more dire unconsciousness going on in our world … people telling you to vent and indulge in your victimhood often … because truly all that is doing is cementing you further into it.
This mistaken recommendation is abusing you horrifically, and you would fare much better if Groups recommending this did not even exist.
The truth is the victim model started with all of us as children. We were powerless, we were overtaken, we didn’t have a voice or a say.
Even though we became adults, many of us had never healed that “smallness”, or felt that we had a voice or could present comfortably in our own power without the fear of rejection, punishment or abandonment.
Because we had not healed, we had not evolved past that, and we had not emotionally grown up –these unconscious states of not being a source to ourselves were all we knew.
It was our version of “normal”, the trying to find “things” and “people” outside ourselves to take away the anxiety of not being able to show up anchored in our bodies as “ourselves”.
So then enters the narcissist, stage right, posing as the solution to all anxiety; the person to supply us with security, love, approval, safety – all the things we want in order to finally be safe.
We surrender into this “dream” and then we get terrorised with more unsafe behaviour than we had ever experienced.
Why? Because “the dream” wasn’t real. The dream HAD to turn into a nightmare in order to wake us up to heal and become these states and source to ourselves.
And then if we don’t finally come home to self-partner and be with ourselves, if this massive wake-up call didn’t get our attention, severe C-PTSD is the result … because we assume that this person not coming through with “being our Source to self” is the greatest tragedy.
When all along it was the greatest gift.
In this perception of total despair we feel totally fearful, anxious and traumatised – because our Inner Identity without self-love and our own attention (the attention it always needed) coupled with the total abandonment by the person we hoped would supply “the dream”– feels intensely victimised and powerless.
More so than ever before.
Such is the power of breakdown opportunities that happen in order to lead us toward personal breakthrough. They hit very hard … as hard as necessary to smash the previous illusions to pieces.
But if we don’t see this, embrace it and accept it in order to heal ourselves and do the personal work … what will we do?
The answer is simple …we talk about the trauma without shifting it, without solving it and without healing it.
Over and over and over …
And over, and over, and over …
And over, and over and over …
We repeat our shattered reality; we discuss it with others … we share powerless helpless stories with others playing out the same illusion. We state “I have PTSD”, and we research that and join those Groups as well, and we have daily discussions about all the limitations of our conditions, how horrible what happened to us was, and how we now will have our symptoms for life.
Then we research all the shocking things narcissists do, how they affect our brain chemistry and the irreparable damage that causes, and we reinforce “Is it any wonder we are like this?”
How is that going to get you better?!?
How on earth do you believe that is going to make you better when you feel like hell every day doing it, and you are NOT getting better?
(I know what that’s like, I used to do it!)
It’s not making you better! All it does is convince your subconscious over and over and over, “I am a victim, I am sick, I am powerless!”
People don’t get better from this state – they get more stuck in offloading regularly to try to escape the trauma of themselves, and generally start medication or pick up other addictions to try to burn the agony of their addiction to powerlessness off.
The body breaks down, psychological wiring becomes more and more fragile, and all sorts of illnesses and even terminal disease manifests.
Then naturally more blame and shame and helplessness happens to try to offset inner emotional agony as a self-perpetuating feedback loop with no way out.
Understandably the pain and hopelessness and diminishment of life gets so great that people may decide to give up on life altogether.
Of course there is a better way … a very obvious one …
STOP doing that! Recognise the truths and the bigger pictures which do set you free, and get your full focus on how to heal your self-disconnection!
Illusion 5: By Calling Abusers Out We Will Stop Them
Illusion 5 leads on from Illusion 4.
If we continue to affirm how sick and powerless we are, we believe there is no hope for us … but at least if we can call out all abusers they won’t be able to do to others what they did to us.
As human beings when we are stuck in our heads, we think that we have some sort of jurisdiction over Life and we interfere with the processes of life to our detriment.
The classic example of this is how we can act it out with our children. We think that by stepping in and trying to fix, change, lecture and prescribe that we are teaching them stuff. And then we get really shocked and angry when they don’t learn despite all our effort to change their behaviour.
The truth is no-body learns until we let go, and we let Life deal with them … which it does when we stop fixing, prescribing and making it our own business to make people behave in the way that we think they should.
Getting hooked in to being “the righteous police” only allows people to displace their bad behaviour onto us and blame us for their choices that aren’t healthy. Then we try to continue holding them responsible and the toxic volleys whizz around at full swing.
What happens when we let go and stop trying to force other people to do our version of life?
This happens … we leave them to their own version, their own life and their own cause and effect.
If we are living in our heads, we are not responsible for our own emotions and yet we are trying to force everyone else to be. This futile trying to control people that aren’t ourselves stops when we are living life in our bodies, self-partnering and listening to and honouring our own emotions.
No longer do we try to change other people in order to feel happy, loved and safe, and no longer do we partake in toxicity or abuse. That would be an act of self-abandonment, and it’s just not possible anymore.
Living in our bodies, we make it our first priority to pull back and nurture and heal our own emotions. We stop repetitively touching stoves that burn us because it’s just not tolerable anymore. We pull away to ensure that we are self-loving, and we provide our own good feelings and don’t get them toxically mixed up with other people’s.
Then if people want to be in our self-loving space genuinely and have the capacity to change, they do … but it is only when we stop bailing them out, stop keeping the fires burning, stop making excuses for them, stop keeping the wheels turning for them, and stop allowing them to justify their behaviours to us over and over whilst we try to wrestle them to the ground … then, and ONLY then, if they are capable … they may crash and burn … and then awaken.
And if they don’t and can’t then we are better off anyway.
And maybe we have to let what we put into this relationship crash and burn too … assets, reputation, status, connection, relationships – there may be many casualties … but we come out of this aligned with soul truth because FINALLY we have started self-partnering.
So what has this got to do with wanting to call out abusers?
Calling out abusers does nothing other than cement abuse in your life even more. You have just chained yourself more to the abuser by wanting to call them out as your focus, rather than evolving yourself beyond abuse.
And again your emotions are screaming to you “Wrong Town!” … these emotions feel like rubbish in your body (not relief or calm or love) telling you that you are stuck in the problem and not generating a solution.
The solution is never about calling out abusers, which is the most encouraged action that Abuse Forums do as loudly as they can, they call it “raising awareness” with as much posting and sharing as possible. What they don’t realise is that this is more likely to hook people up with abusers than if they said nothing.
You cannot activate your focus on something saying “No” to it and make that mean “No” … It always means “Yes”!
This is no different to this analogy … the more scared you are of steering your car off the road into a tree the more likely you are to do that. You are generating “lack of confidence in your own driving ability”.
This is “Fear” … and fear creates exactly what we fear.
It also makes what we fearfully believe become “True”.
This is how it goes … Imagine these thought processes …
“I have to look out for abusers, because abusers are everywhere. I know that person down the street is one. Oh no … my employee in this new job is a narcissist … My friend, her Mum is a narcissist, and maybe my friend really is too. I met a new guy last week, and now I’m really worried. Certain things he said are dodgy – what if he is a narcissist too?!”
Can you see the insanity?
See how all of this focus, paranoia and hypervigilance creates the belief, “Narcissists are everywhere!” as right?
“And so it is …” says the almighty Universal Mechanics which are intricately connected with your almighty subconscious. This is what the Universe has to say about all this narc focus and paranoia: “You believe it Oh Powerful One, and therefore this IS your experience.”
(And all the time you thought it was to do with all those nasty, terrible narcs!)
Wouldn’t it be much healthier to be working toward the goals of being really anchored in your body – radiant, authentic and powerful, and easily flushing out any False Self in your presence?
Then you have only ONE person to worry about, instead of an entire populous that you have absolutely NO control over!
(God our human perpetuated victim illusions are ridiculous!)
So … here is the truth … singing out the big warnings about abusers, how they destroy lives and what to look out for puts people into fear. This is the fearful “education” that narcissists walk amongst us in droves, can take anyone in and people are mostly powerless against such soulless evil people.
This is utter rubbish – truly.
But the people who believe it create it for themselves, and overlay this on others on a huge scale – dragging other people down into powerless unconsciousness as well.
This is more of an issue than narcissists!
It actually provides food for narcissist!
It gets right back to the start of the illusion of victimisation “It is not what someone did to you, it is your judgement of it that is creating your trauma.”
I have had my life smashed to pieces too – I am not dismissing how awful it was for any of us … but the only reason that happened to me was because I was disconnected from myself and I was not self-partnered – period!
People who are healthily connected to themselves do not suffer narcissists – ever. Narcissists are completely powerless against them because the only power a narcissist ever has against you is your own disconnection with yourself.
And in NO way is that to shame you or blame you, that understanding – it is to empower you to know that when you sort that out then and only then you will have abuse sorted forever.
And you will not have ANY ongoing abuse symptoms. Your “being” does not require them anymore to wake you up and get your attention! The message has been heard and acted upon to heal your own disconnection from self.
A narcissist is a powerless wounded child acting out as a bully to people he or she can drag in and terrorise. If you are healthily anchored in your own body this can’t happen (the taking in), because at the very first warning your GPS signalled to you, you clarify and confront.
You speak up. You show up!
And now as your own Source of a wonderful life, you don’t have to lie to yourself about someone else being it, and you certainly don’t need them to be it. You are free to FULLY be yourself, and the narcissist who is unable to meet you at your authentic life level becomes really uninteresting and quite frankly repulsive real quick.
Usually in seconds.
It’s quite the revelation I promise you!
This is how it does play out with False Selves when you are self-partnered.
So WHY aren’t we spreading THAT information?
If we did we would have a true solution to narcissistic abuse, as well as narcissistic abuse symptoms and healing.
Think about this … unconscious relationships require two people to play them out. So if we all wake up, who are abusers left with?
Also I want you to think about this point … why would we warn people whose soul requires this unconscious playout with a narcissist to reverse a disconnected life and come home to themselves?
I certainly won’t … because that was the absolute gift and gratitude myself and thousands of other people who are in this community now live – the total realisation that there is nothing that can happen that is not a part of the Higher Divine Plan.
And how utterly wonderful that we did experience a narcissist in order to come home to ourselves.
I hate to think what my life would be like if narcissistic abuse didn’t happen to me.
Soulless … unsatisfying no matter what I achieved, anxious, fearful and always precarious and conditional.
I want you to understand this … all of this propaganda about the horrendousness of narcissists is only creating more victims to be taken in by them, let alone not seeing the Higher Purpose and glorious Bigger Picture in all of this.
Which is: the awakening out of unconsciousness … the ending of the pain, abuse and all the ridiculous power plays and powerlessness we have been entrenched in that all began because of the real issue – being disconnected from ourselves.
The true way to have people not taken in by narcissists is to help empower people to be in their bodies, connected to their intuition, self-partnering, self-loving and self-respecting and being a whole self-generative source to themselves.
Can you see that this is about sooooo much more than never being susceptible to abusers again?
It is actually about becoming the Grandest Joy and Love imaginable.
Because being self-partnered is the greatest joy and fulfilment anyone has ever wanted – in fact it IS the ONLY state of being that was ever going to fulfil you or anyone else.
Nothing else was ever going to be a substitute for that.
I really hope this article has hit home.
Please share this article. It is a part of the awakening our world desperately requires to get well … one person at a time.
Please also know that I have just opened up my next Free Webinar – The 3 Keys To Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse – and if you are now really determined to throw off the victim model and want to learn how to Thrive … I would love you to join me.
As always I look forward to answering your comments and questions.
Latest posts by Melanie Tonia Evans (see all)
- Will I Ever Feel The Same Attraction I Felt With The Narcissist? - March 29, 2017
- Why Grey Rock Alone Won’t Keep You Safe From Narcissists - March 24, 2017
- What To Do If You Feel Like You’re Too Old To Recover From Abuse - March 22, 2017