Comments on: Repetitive Compulsion Disorder and Abuse https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Tue, 05 Nov 2024 13:25:18 +0000 hourly 1 By: freetobeme https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282453 Wed, 26 Jul 2023 06:50:23 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282453 In reply to freetobeme.

I have just realised I’ve commented on the wrong blog post. I’m not sure how I did it but I meant for this to go under the blog post about accountability and how the lack of it destroys relationships. I don’t think it’s possible to take down or edit posts, or I would move it.

]]> By: freetobeme https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282452 Wed, 26 Jul 2023 06:30:29 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282452 I have recently been called to account by a friend on my lack of transparency with my family about certain decisions I have made in my life which I have good reason to believe my family would not approve of. Due to my current circumstances I am sharing living space with them and my friend believes that I “owe” my family transparency about my life because of that “because no one likes to be lied to”. My position is that if I was honest I would both be punished and attacked and my NARP recovery would backslide right at the point when I am putting all my intention into rebuilding my life and getting some new traction. If my family were people I felt like I could talk to, I would have told them, but they aren’t. The truth is I feel very vulnerable and potentially compromised at present, while I walk the line between not rocking the boat with them and protecting my own dreams while I work to realise them. There are significant mental health and substance abuse issues at play as well and this complicates matters. It is very difficult for me to open up and trust because of how that trust has been abused and my boundaries violated by people close to me. Narcissism, substance abuse and severe mental illness are a truly toxic combination and I’ve had the brunt of it in various combinations in my life from family friends and intimate partners. I have been left feeling very uncomfortable by these current dynamics and wondering what I am truly accountable for in this situation. I don’t like feeling like it’s not safe for me to be open and transparent. The best I feel able to do at this point is be honest with myself about what I am doing and why, and put energy and intention into changing those circumstances rather than defending myself against the onslaughts of those who have very limited capacity to empathise or to accept me as I really am.

]]> By: Katy https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282424 Tue, 25 Jul 2023 08:39:08 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282424 Hi Julie, what a lovely and positive response, thank you. Life can seem so dark and unfair sometimes and it’s wonderful to know that there are other people out there who understand and that we can encourage each other. I admire so much your decision to be happy that your kids are happy. My ex just seems determined to punish me forever! He tells people I have poisoned the children against him when in fact his own behaviour has done so. 3 of them don’t see him at all and the other one, craving a father figure, does so but it causes tensions. Thank you again and well done xx

]]> By: Julie https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282408 Mon, 24 Jul 2023 19:23:45 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282408 Hi, Katy-

I appreciate your thoughtfulness in reading about my current situation and giving me some helpful advice.

It is so true that if we were still together we would not be happy and the kids would be miserable too just like we all used to be.

I made the decision to be happy that my kids are happy. They always wanted to do fun things with their dad and now they are getting to do that.

I have to continue to do what I can do with them like home dinners, movie nights, coffee dates, walks…that sort of stuff. Also, deep down I know I will never be replaced by her.

I also thought of one thing Melanie said and that is that my ex will eventually find a way to punish his new supply in a way that is the perfect recipe for her. My ex new I wanted to plan trips all the time so he became a nothing. Hers will look different but it will happen.

This new supply for both of our ex’s is doing exactly what we did many years ago…a soul dance with the devil.

I guess that’s the new “supplies” journeys …they are both on their own path hopefully they won’t be taken down with them.

I’m so glad we made it out!!

Thank you again for the support!

]]> By: Melanie Tonia Evans https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282399 Mon, 24 Jul 2023 12:01:21 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282399 In reply to Valerie.

Hi Valerie,

I agree it’s so damaging!

It’s fabulous that you are growing and expanding!

Much love to your lovely lady

Mel 🙏💞🦋

]]> By: Katy https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282396 Mon, 24 Jul 2023 07:07:27 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282396 Hi Julie I understand exactly, also had a long difficult marriage and have 4 adult children. My ex remarried very quickly, to his friend’s wife, which was traumatic for all of us. Now he manipulates the children by favouring the eldest son and either ignoring or insulting the others. I share your bewilderment that an evil trick is being played against me, as I feel increasingly lonely whereas my ex appears to be living a life of luxury with a devoted new wife. I guess we both need to stop and think that what we see is superficial and that we would definitely not be happy if we were still with them. I am sorry to hear of the pain you feel observing the “new family” but I suspect all is not as it seems and that your children will see his true character in time, and once the novelty of the situation wears off life will settle down again.

]]> By: Julie https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282373 Sun, 23 Jul 2023 13:55:04 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282373 Hi, Thriver community-

I am here because I am needing support from this community. I feel it is the only place where you all understand completely what I have been through with my 27 year relationship with my ex narc.
I did the work through Melanie and finally realized the power within my self, I believe that is God
and I took my own hand gave myself back the power to work through some things from my childhood and teenage years with my ex.
I am now 47 and I have been divorced for 1.5 years. I finally got out!
I know in my soul this is better… I am no longer in that absolute false life where I learned to just completely lose my voice in order to stay safe and soooo many other reasons why I know this is better.
But…. to get to why I am here. I am struggling. I am now handing power over to the narc once again and I just can’t seem to shake it this time.
One of the biggest ways the narc punished me when we were married was being an absolute lump on a log. I was always kind to him because I had to be and would say we don’t need to spend a lot of money but I want to make memories. Weekends and holidays would pass and he would never want to do anything. I desperately wanted to form memories with our four young and now adult children as a family and he would never want to do anything. He ignored me, never wanted to talk to me and would numb on marijuana from the time he woke up until he went to bed.
Now 1.5 years later he is married… he found a girl who is a match for him… they have a lot of money. The girl he ended up with he started dating 1 month after I said I wanted a divorce and while we were still living together.
Now they are taking my adult kids and going jet skiing every weekend, planning trips, buying new and exciting things…and that is all I ever wanted. I am not able to afford to do such grand adventures and he seems to be on his best behavior when they are all making memories together.
I am absolutely distraught over this. I am here trying to pay for things by myself… so strapped financially… I now don’t even have the time to do anything with my kids and they are all off forming a new family together…(she has adult kids my kids ages) I am so sad and I want this too.
I know deep down I made the right decision but this feels like an evil trick being played against me.
Any help advice would be so appreciated. I feel so angry and sad.

]]> By: GM https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282354 Sat, 22 Jul 2023 23:37:33 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282354 In reply to Lynn Monfort.

God Bless You Lynn! Wishing that everyone you meet on your new journey offers you only friendly, courteous, and kind.

]]> By: Ann https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/repetitive-compulsion-disorder-and-abuse/#comment-1282351 Sat, 22 Jul 2023 22:27:43 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=13838#comment-1282351 In reply to Valerie.

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