Comments on: She Left It Too Late To Leave

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 19:42:36 +0000

In reply to Margy.

Hi, Margy-

I have gotten out of my 28 year marriage with my narc. I never knew that this part would be so hard. I am watching my ex-husband taking trips and living an amazing life with his new girlfriend. My adult children are saying they think he’s probably healthier if he can take trips, something he would never do before. He was shallow and a nothing with our family. He never wanted to do anything ever. He smoked marijuana all day and hardly ever went to work.
I am struggling with feeling like had I had a better job that payed more, or was possibly more organized with our schedule, or more outgoing, maybe I could have prevented his horrible behavior.
I guess I thought I was stronger than this, but hearing about his amazing life with a professional woman makes me feel beyond awful, and I hate to say it but worse than when we all lived together. The kids knew then how sick he was because he wasn’t trying to win them over. I was able to have somewhat of a life because I stopped responding or engaging in what he was dishing out. How is this better? Will it get better? I’m so scared of my children and him all having an amazing life, going on trips, and I’m left with just being diminished, never having been able to work on my career because he would treat the kids so bad when I tried to go back to school, I have lost most all my friends, I’m also sick with an autoimmune disease from all of the stress. My head is spinning. Help!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 19:41:54 +0000

In reply to Margy.

Hi, Margy-

I have gotten out of my 28 year remarriage with my narc. I never knew that this part would be so hard. I am watching my ex-husband taking trips and living an amazing life with his new girlfriend. My adult children are saying they think he’s probably healthier if he can take trips, something he would never do before. He was shallow and a nothing with our family. He never wanted to do anything ever. He smoked marijuana all day and hardly ever went to work.
I am struggling with feeling like had I had a better job that payed more, or was possibly more organized with our schedule, or more outgoing, maybe I could have prevented his horrible behavior.
I guess I thought I was stronger than this, but hearing about his amazing life with a professional woman makes me feel beyond awful, and I hate to say it but worse than when we all lived together. The kids knew then how sick he was because he wasn’t trying to win them over. I was able to have somewhat of a life because I stopped responding or engaging in what he was dishing out. How is this better? Will it get better? I’m so scared of my children and him all having an amazing life, going on trips, and I’m left with just being diminished, never having been able to work on my career because he would treat the kids so bad when I tried to go back to school, I have lost most all my friends, I’m also sick with an autoimmune disease from all of the stress. My head is spinning. Help!

By: eric davis

eric davis — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 18:30:01 +0000

Ms. Evans can you help me? I know that I am a man but I am a man who hurts as well.

By: eric davis

eric davis — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 18:28:11 +0000

Well Melanie I am a man who is going thru these things myself and I feel at a loss at times I have four kids and one grandson, and it`s very hard dealing with constantly being told how much of a bad man that she said that I am to her when I have done nothing to her. she always aloof non caring non empathetic showing no compassion. I am always saying that I am sorry for things that I have not done or promising to a better man to her, when I already do everything around our home and for our children and grandchild, even doing things for her only for her to tell me later that I do nothing for her or our family. She has told me that from the very start of our relationship together until now that I have been nothing but bad abusive to her never treating her right not knowing how to treat a woman and not being a good enough of a provider to her and our first child. But she stayed with me and had three more children make me understand that after all this time and everything we`ve gone thru, she could say something like that to me.

By: sandra

sandra — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 16:54:56 +0000

In reply to sandra.

THANK -YOU ! for your comments – Sandra , as you have given me strength
Sincerely,
Another Sandra

By: Diane

Diane — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 04:05:34 +0000

I just read this article and I can relate. I was diagnosed with HepC and Stage Four Liver Cirrohsis. When I told my husband (NARC) that a new medicine treatment might mean a 90% cure for my HepC; his comment was “what if you are the 10%? This comment came after I tried to stay and save our 12 year marriage and 14 year relationship when I learned of his infidelity 8 months prior. I knew then, he was not interested in taking care of me and that he had already thrown me away. I got out 4 months ago. The medicine has helped my HepC and being away from him has helped me to start recovery. God bless you and Margy for sharing this story. I hope that sharing mine might help someone else to realize that life is too precious to let anyone just suck it out of you. I am certain that I would have probably died or been close by now if I had stayed in that toxic relationship/environment.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 01:47:40 +0000

In reply to Tina. That is very insperational I too ended up with blood clot in my arm and the specialists say it is only caused by severe trauma and I'm too embarrassed to say all the years of being physically and mentally and verbally abused did this I left him 2x now to heal between surgeries and he always managed to take our 4 young children from me and keep them until I would come back I was so close to getting away now I'm here for the second time again because ehe gets the kids so upset it makes me come back every time and I have no idea why I know I can get them back I know I have the support system but I keep not using it now I keep not getting better but worse and it must be like in the article my body saying enough is enough. The hard part is now he is all of a sudden Mr wonderful most of the time other than sometimes he gets mad and curses me tells me go back to my mother's I so want to but don't know why I freeze. Or he curses and yells at the kids which puts us all in the trap and we all become horrible ppl so u give me hope knowing that I too can thrice I will get through this and it will b better I just have to leap!!

By: Elly

Elly — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 22:50:00 +0000

I googled narcissism and breast cancer and found this article. I just listened to the radio podcast.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer the day several months ago. My husband gave me a quick hug and then went to play golf.

Thank you for this article. I just signed up for your newsletter and reading through your materials. I believe my abusive marriage of 31 years contributed to my numerous stress conditions including crohn’s disease and fibromyalgia and adrenal fatigue.

By: Susan A

Susan A — Fri, 28 Nov 2014 04:01:28 +0000

In reply to Jeannie7.

I suppose that’s one way to look at it. I prefer the short and simpler way of looking at it……Seeing them as the Cold Evil Monster that they are. Comtempt, Cruelty, and Empathy replaced with Rage are not fear based emotions.