I remember how painful it was and how powerless I once felt.

And I remember that before I made the switch to taking personal responsibility, I was getting sicker and sicker and more and more broken, and the more I looked to the outside, the worse it all got.

This all turned around when I turned my focus inward – to my emotions and committed myself 100% to healing them instead of looking on the outside for answers.

In this article, I am going to talk about emotional mastery, why it is so important, and how it can be the difference between continuing to suffer narcissistic abuse or moving forward into a narcissistic-free life.

I was prompted to write this article after releasing last week’s article, “Nothing Is Real With Someone Who Is False.”

For the people who read the article, there was an understanding that this article was about us getting real—it was about understanding our ability and necessity to be honest with ourselves and create our own narcissistic-free life.

I was a little shocked that initially, the people who were responding to the article had completely missed this and were all about being focused on the narcissist not being real rather than taking their necessary responsibility for themselves.

You can also listen to the Empowered Love Radio podcast I recorded earlier this week. The Q&A Show: What Comes First—Emotions or Outcomes? It is one of the most important radio shows I have ever seen. If you can set aside 45 minutes this week, it will be worth it!

The #1 Block To Your Recovery

The belief is that your emotions CAN ONLY CHANGE if things change in your outer world.

This is the belief that the shattered feelings you are experiencing as a result of narcissistic abuse can only get better if – he or she stops doing what is happening, if somehow you can make this person accountable if you can get the authorities to intervene, if you could just get justice, if you find out as much as you can about narcissists and what makes them tick, or maybe if you can meet someone else who will love you and stop this pain.

The common theme in all these things is that they seek something outside of themselves.

All of these things are not you taking responsibility to emotionally heal yourself.

I know that when we are terrorized, incensed, devastated, and in intense pain and fear, we react and we try to make something different happen so that our agony can stop.

I know all of these feelings, and I know how distinctly normal and human they are.

I promise you I understand them entirely and I am not judging them as ‘wrong’.

I simply observe this: they don’t work!

And please… to get well – the following is your number one formula to understand.

Without this essential starting point – you will simply keep trying to stop the pain in ineffective ways, which only creates more pain.

I know I tried it. I threw everything I had at trying to change circumstances while being in my soul-shattered anguish – and (humbly) I am intelligent, creative, and capable (as many narcissistically abused people are) – and I have seen more people than you could imagine trying to operate in this normal human mode against narcissists. I have never seen one example of it working to create a healthy recovery.

I promise you this!

Accepting That Your Life Does Not Work When You are In Anguish

Think about this. Has anything you have tried to fix or solve in your life worked when attempting to fix it under emotional distress?

And please know I am not talking about the instant adrenaline rush we may have (fight or flight), such as if we were about to fall off the edge of a cliff and would grasp at something to stop this from happening.

The reaction is helpful…

Let me give you some non-narcissistic everyday examples.

Imagine, while suffering from emotional distress, tackling issues such as trying to fix a house appliance that isn’t working or getting another person to understand how you feel on a sensitive topic.

You may have observed that if you are trying to fix something on your computer while in total frustration, the solution doesn’t come. Yet when you walk away and come back in a better emotional state – the answer ‘comes to you’ – or a person who may have the answer ‘pops into your mind.’

Have you noticed that when you are emotionally charged and annoyed with someone, they either combat or avoid you, yet they are receptive when you come to them in your heart space and inwardly peaceful? (Note that this is about non-narcissists.)

Have you noticed that if your emotions get the best of you and you decide to shop or drink to ease the pain, at the time, you may feel some instant gratification, yet after the spree has worn off, you feel even worse?

Please understand that a boxer in a ring must respond calmly and centeredly. If he loses his head and gets triggered into fear, pain, or anger, he is likely to react in ways that do not benefit him and could easily get knocked out.

The same is true for a driver who starts to lose control of her car. If she stays calm and centered, she is in the best possible state to escape the predicament safely. If she loses emotional control and reacts, she will likely steer straight into the tree she is panicking about hitting.

When we have emotional mastery, we have the highest chance of creating positive outcomes from these stressful situations (or any others).

Narcissistic abuse is powerfully showing you this.

I have heard from people so many times. “Don’t tell me to get control of my emotions – HOW CAN I when I am being this abused?” Or… “How can I when my children are being hurt like this?” Or… “How can I not be devastated when he ran off with my best friend, and my children stay with them now?”

I know that when people don’t believe they can create emotional mastery, calm, and centeredness despite what is happening to them—and don’t want to make every effort possible to heal their emotional self—there is nothing I can do for them.

Please know this: I am not interested in the contemporary recovery model of years to recover – if ever. I am not interested in people being stuck in pain indefinitely with little progress over extended periods.

I promote real solutions that do work powerfully.

My mission is to help assist with this worldwide devastation as authentically as possible.

I want you to join the movement of saying ‘NO’ to ongoing suffering.

The truth is no amount of information about narcissists, no practical knowledge, and no ‘tactics’ are going to stop the pain from happening in the contemporary way.

I’ll use myself as an example….

It didn’t matter how much I knew about narcissism, it didn’t matter how much I tried to combat it legally and with police, and I didn’t matter how much I learned about ‘tactics to get on with my life’…the horrific pain ensured, and was not letting up.

And absolutely nothing in my outer circumstances was getting better.

In fact, they were getting WORSE despite my head knowledge.

The reason is that I did not understand that I could create myself as feeling better until something on the outside changed—and it just didn’t!

How it All Turns Around

That was until I took the ultimate responsibility for changing my life, which is:

Positive outcomes will occur if I change my emotions before waiting for outcomes.

And they did – more powerfully and more incredibly than I could ever imagine in my wildest dreams – against all odds.

Those of you who know my work and writings intimately know I take a deeper, metaphysical approach. You understand I work with the base notes of life, such as Energetic Law and the Law of Attraction.

You will understand that I don’t accept a ‘simplified’ surface view of life.

I don’t because it does not simplify life—ironically, it complicates life because it distracts us from the simple formula that runs our lives, either unconsciously or consciously.

This formula is:

I can create my life deliberately based on my emotional state.

You see, this formula is so simple and absolute.

When we are Unconscious –we are unaware of what is taking place.

When we are Conscious, we are aware of this formula of life and strive to achieve it because we know it works. Then, it becomes easy to implement without effort.

It has become a new and effective way of life, directly creating solutions rather than continuing to battle with and add to problems.

When we are conscious of it and start to observe our lives factually based on this information, this formula provides real-life evidence of how it shapes our lives.

This evidence shows us that we are not powerless humans being controlled by outside influences.

I can assure you that no matter how bad your situation is, how much emotional anguish you are suffering, or how long this has been going on, you can start turning it all around.

For those of you struggling to move past five sensory facts, my information will be harder for you to accept—and this, of course, may block you from your inner emotional journey of self-mastery.

I know how hard it is. I know how terrifying it feels initially to let go and take personal responsibility for your emotions. As one member of the NARC Facebook page said today when she initially let go, she felt “like a woman standing naked on the train line and the train is approaching.”

But truly, if we are going to recover, this is our only choice: to let go and start working on our emotional selves as soon as possible.

I certainly did not understand this or apply it for a long time during my recovery. Once I did understand and made my emotional healing and mastery my greatest mission, I was shocked and amazed at how fast I recovered.

Now, I apply the same philosophy to any area of my life. When I don’t (fortunately, not often these days), I observe how quickly things don’t work!

I love it when I write about this information, and people come to me and say, “I get it! I get it 100%. I know I need to heal myself. Help me do this.”

Because I know I can help these people.

These people who take full responsibility for their emotions often feel more empowered and healthy in a matter of weeks than they could ever believe was possible.

Without exception, everyone that I have ever worked with who is willing to take their life experience to this more profound level, who is willing to embrace emotional mastery as the creator of their life, starts experiencing the following:

1) The belief that they have the power to heal their pain and start experiencing relief, clarity, and empowerment if they follow simple instructions.

2) The experience with the narcissist changes to one of detachment and of seeing, feeling, and understanding that the narcissist no longer has power over them.

3) The intense pulls to the narcissist fall away, as well as the attraction to what he or she offered as the ‘dream partner.’

4) Dealings with the narcissist, such as custody, property settlement, etc., that were fraught with loss, pain, and fear start shifting toward the newly self-empowered individual’s favor.

5) The pattern of experiencing narcissistic individuals stops.

6) All areas of life where abuse, boundary function, and honoring one’s self was a struggle improved dramatically, and

7) The ability to create a great and narcissistic free life opens up and begins.

But it requires accepting and embracing that if you wait for circumstances to change before creating your own emotional mastery, you are powerless to live instead of being powerful and creating your own life.

I know you can do it. I came back from the dead…truly.

I have also seen people so broken, shattered, and destroyed that they don’t know how they will go.

Truly this shift and the ‘new you’ is calling for you to embrace it.

You will understand that when you do, life opens up. It responds to your emotional choice and frequency and delivers the results and matches for this frequency. You will still keep addressing your issues, but this time, you will operate from your powerful infinite intelligence rather than your powerless fear and pain.

You will be open to your inner peace and harmony’s inspirations, messages, and synchronicities.

Life will support your quest, and your inner wisdom will grant you all the ideas, solutions, and direction you need to enhance it.

When you start working with this inner system deliberately, you will know how real this will be.

All you have to accept is that you have had enough of the pain. You need to change and want to change, and then you will do it. What choice do you have if you want to have the power to create a real life?

I have been thrilled at the amount of discussion from the community in each week’s blog post. Your inspiring contributions provide invaluable information for many people, and I am eternally grateful. Thank you!

As always, please share your comments or any questions below.