Codependency is a state of being that we have all been conditioned to live by.

Unfortunately, from birth, we are taught that happiness comes from something outside of ourselves and that to find it, we must first obtain something external to ourselves. This could be a love partner, a group of friends, or possessions such as a new house or car.

We use these things to define our sense of self-worth. The problem is that over many years, the conditioning of codependency has become a part of you, and it can be difficult to break when you first choose to shift to independence, or as I like to call it, True Self.

You can only make this shift if you commit to yourself and keep going even when you don’t get immediate results.

Are you Happy with Yourself?

It’s great if you are, but I can relate if you’re not.

You see, I used to be someone who didn’t know what it was like to be happy with myself. When I was this person, I used to think that happiness was something that I could only obtain from people and things outside of me.

This meant I needed other things and people to validate me.

I had to accomplish something, fall in love with someone, or receive validation to know I was worthy, capable, lovable, and good enough.

If anyone had asked me, “Are you pleased with yourself?” I would have had to answer, “No!”

Sadly, in the lonely hours of my life, when I was just with myself, I felt empty and unfulfilled without these props. I now know the reasons why I wasn’t happy.

The reasons were:

• I had never made peace with myself – I hadn’t forgiven myself for the things I assessed as ‘wrong’,
  ‘mistakes,’ and ‘missed opportunities, and as a result, I had many regrets.
• I hadn’t got love right, which made me feel defective and unlovable.
• I was holding on to past hurts and resentment, and
• I was still carrying the pain of my past and feared my future.

In short, all these reasons stopped me from being happy in my present life.

When I committed to my Journey of Self, namely my personal development, I could clear all that up and break free.

The Void

When I looked to the outside to somehow fix how I was feeling on the inside, it created spasmodic results, but none authentically held. There was always an empty void within myself, which could not be filled no matter what I did.

When I had enough pain, I finally started doing the essential work on myself.

Fortunately, I did.

The Excuses

Before then, I was so entrenched in my stubbornness and busyness that I was too afraid to commit to taking the necessary steps to create the desired outcomes. I was also so impatient for results that I would start investing in my self-development, but when I didn’t see the changes I wanted in my inner and outer world quickly enough, I would give up and think it was all a waste of time.

I’d then return to my old patterns (which weren’t serving me) and feel even more frustrated by the pain that had become my life.

A life-and-death experience completely changed my perspective. I knew that if I didn’t commit to myself and make changes, I wouldn’t survive. So, I consciously prioritized my well-being and started making positive changes.

I reached a point where I knew that if I kept going down the same path of neglecting my own needs, I would eventually die. It was a make-or-break moment, and I knew I had to make a change.

The solution was, irrefutably, to work on me.

The Results

As I decided to confront my unhealed parts, I was astounded at how natural and normal it felt. Instead of the fear and horror I had imagined, I was filled with profound comfort and relief. I was coming home to myself, and the powerful emotions of joy, contentment, and Love filled my being. Finally, I was empowered and connected to my true self.

Resistance is Common

I totally get why you might feel hesitant to make a commitment to yourself, just like Juliette – who I recently interviewed on my radio show – said in the beginning: “I have no clue how to work on myself; it’s scary to think about, I don’t know how to go about it, and I’m not sure if it’ll even work or if I deserve it!” (Those are some pretty hefty resistances!)

After years of struggling, she felt it was enough. She had reached a point where she could barely function and felt suicidal and broken. She knew she didn’t want to keep living this way, so she decided to take back control of my life.

So she started to do something about it.

You may know you’re unhappy and still can function the way you are, or you may feel like you have pain and barely exist.

Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of ‘unhappiness,’ if you are unhappy with yourself, then your ‘way home’ is to go within, partner with yourself to clean up your pain, and learn how to love and support yourself.

I have compiled a quick questionnaire that I would love you to participate in regarding Doing Healing Work On Myself.

This survey will provide valuable insights into how you can evolve into your ideal self and where you currently stand regarding your self-partnership. By answering these questions, you can better understand your current state and how to move forward to become your most authentic self.

Are you ready to take a brave step forward and explore this topic more deeply? If so, why not print off these questions, write down your answers, and share them here? (grin) I’m sure others would love to hear your thoughts and perspectives!

Do you Commit to Working on Yourself?

1) I am totally committed to working on myself and applying personal development in my life:

a) Regularly – as a lifestyle every day
b) Once a week or more
c) Only occasionally
d) Very rarely
e) Never

2) The times when I commit to working on myself are:

a) As a lifestyle, I love to grow and become more conscious and empowered
b) When I feel myself slipping and know I need to work on myself
c) Occasionally, for no particular reason
d) When other people suggest I attend a self-development event
e) Never

3) I feel totally comfortable spending time with myself reading, journaling, and doing healing visualizations

a) Yes, I love time alone committed to being with me
b) Sometimes, I like to take time out to heal myself
c) Occasionally, I will do it, but I usually have to force myself to do so
d) I am much more comfortable with someone else granting me information or healing me than working on myself
e) I don’t grant myself inner attention

4) The reasons why I do or don’t commit to spending time healing myself are:

a) I love gaining awareness, answers, and understanding, supporting and giving to myself on a deep level, thus empowering my life
b) I am terrified about having to face what could be wrong with me
c) I don’t like my own company
d) I’m too busy looking after everyone else to look after me
e) I don’t have time for my own dedication because of my work/life commitments
f) I believe I am beyond hope, and it won’t work
g) I want someone else to give me love and support, and then I might believe I deserve to grant myself license and attention
h) I have no idea how to

I’m not here to give you specific answers to your questions. This questionnaire is designed to help you find the answers within yourself—because that is what self-actualization is all about!

If you would like to, please share your answers or any questions about committing to your personal development journey.

Conclusion

Doing the healing work on ourselves is essential to breaking free from the codependency and narcissistic abuse cycle. It may be daunting to take that first step, but it is the only way to begin the journey to true self-love and empowerment.

The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) offers a comprehensive healing approach to help individuals overcome codependency and narcissistic abuse. Through education, self-reflection, and guided support, the NARP can help you start living a life of true freedom and joy.

Take the first step today and start your journey to self-love and freedom.

Until the next one, keep smiling, Keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do.

Lots of love, everybody.

Bye-bye.

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