I was thrilled with the response!

My suggested topics were highly requested:

1. Creating boundaries advice and practical exercises

2. Breaking free from co-dependency.

3. Creating real love with an authentic love partner

4 Achieving success in all areas of your life

But also I had some other fabulous requests:

5. How to build self-esteem and self-worth

6. How to master your emotions

7. How to speak your truth and hold your power with others

8. How to find an authentic love partner and how to tell a healthy person from a disordered one.

9. Learning to trust new potential love partners

Ask and you shall receive!

As such I am going to be emailing Empowered Life and Love members with new articles every two weeks on these topics from now on.

Please know that if you were one of the people who wrote back in regard to Narcissistic Abuse – truly  healing from Narcissistic Abuse is the first step you must take before creating your empowered self.

When we want to go forward in our life, we need to clean up the old ‘wreck’ in our garage before we can start driving the shiny new car in.

It is virtually impossible to create your True Self when you still have the old abused self still existing. If you are in this position, please make sure your foundations are correct before trying to build on that.

Don’t try to cover up you pain and fear by simply moving forward.

Your Inner Identity is not going to let you get away with that trick. Healing your unhealed parts regarding abuse and painful relationships is imperative to have a clean slate to build on.

If you have not as yet watched my videos regarding how your Inner Identity and peptide addiction keeps you stuck you can do so here:  Narcissistic Abuse – How It Occurs and How You Can Overcome It

If you are still struggling with narcissistic abuse it is really important that you focus on your recovery with the help of my New Life material and healing resources.

You can read the inspiring stories of others who have recovered from narcissistic abuse here.

These stories are incredible, powerful and incredibly inspirational and surpassed even my wildest expectations.

You too can experience this level of relief.

If you have not yet subscribed to New Life newsletter you can do so here: New Life Newsletter

For those of you that are ready to move forward from narcissistic abuse – these are the defining points:

• You are no longer feeling the obsessions and the pain.
• You will have boundaries and No Contact and / or Modified Contact in place, and you are starting to feel relief, space and freedom within yourself.
• You are ready to open up, expand and create your great life.

This is truly what this newsletter, Empowered Life and Love is going to focus on.

If you are not yet at this stage after narcissistic abuse, and you are struggling with your recovery the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program guides you through your recovery so that you will be ready to create your new empowered self.

This powerful Program focuses on healing you deeply and directly at your Inner Identity level, and this is why it consistently produces very powerful and very real results.

Now to expand further after coming out the other side from narcissistic abuse…

Why Almost All Humans Suffer From Co-dependency

Many people take offence to the term co-dependency, and there are many contemporary psychologists and counsellors who either veer away from this word, or state that people are simply trying to ‘label you’…or that because you weren’t in an alcoholic or substance abusing family that the term does not fit.

First I would like to address ‘shame with labels’. I truly do not subscribe to ‘shame’. I believe it is a futile emotion that takes us away from empowering ourself and not toward it.

I have discovered during my time as a healer, it is the people who are resistance to ‘labels’ who suffer the greatest ‘shame’ and resistance to accepting themselves unconditionally. These people often make the slowest progress, or no progress in breaking through to personal empowerment and their own emotional mastery.

I promise you I feel no ‘shame’ in declaring myself as a person who was severely co-dependent.

And I still have aspects of co-dependency that I continually work on to improve myself.

Why do I need to? Because I am human.

And the normal human state of unconsciousness is not growth and empowerment.

I much prefer to work on myself to break free from the normal human illusions that hurt – in order to be a creative and healthy conscious being.

And I know many of you are also committed with all of your heart! (Many of your reply emails supplied me great joy in realising this!)

Please understand my definition of co-dependency is spiritual – it is not clinical.

I believe co-dependency is a very effective term that describes Not being a True Self Source to ourself.

Here is my definition of co-dependency.

Co-dependency means we have been reliant on outside sources, people, things and approval to feel ‘okay’ and to feel ‘whole’.

For this reason I believe it is a standard human condition to be co-dependent, because none of us were taught ‘self’ – we were not taught to unconditionally love ourselves, accept ourselves, emotionally master or support ourselves, and we were all rendered powerless to have no option other than to seek support, comfort, love, stability, approval and validation from the ‘outside’.

We had no idea that we could ‘be’ and ‘create’ our own emotional state and ‘self’ – and then manifest the results in our life from within.

We were all conditioned to believe that we were powerless to control and create our own emotional state, and that it relied on results which happened in our life and what other people were or weren’t doing.

The Futility of These Beliefs

If you read my blog you will know I am a firm believer in Energetic Law and Law of Attraction.

When we understand Energetic Law we become aware of energy and how it creates real realities in our life.

We understand that everything we create as our experience in life comes from deep within us – at the levels of our belief systems and our emotional feelings that relate to anything in our life.

If we have defunct beliefs about ourself, life, love and others – then we create unfortunate realities that are aligned with those beliefs. We feel empty, afraid and insecure and then try to gain this fullness, safety and wholeness from ‘the outside’.

Inevitably this sets us up for dissatisfaction because when the outside stops providing us with the love, safety and fullness we require, we feel empty and ‘less than’.

We try to get great full, healthy, safe and whole results from an energetic manufacturing centre of fear, pain and emptiness. The only results we can ‘get’ are exactly the results of how we really felt about ourself, life, love and others.

We try to make other people define us – instead of defining ourself.

What I have discovered is, the people who embrace the true meaning of co-dependency and have no shame in admitting it (because truly I believe we all are), are the people who find the relief to realise why life has not been working for them , and make their recovery a true mission.

The true mission is – becoming a True Source to self.

What Is Our True Self

I’ll grant you my take on this –and I have seen the ‘truth’ of what I am about to state – time and time again.

And this is a deeply spiritual truth.

I believe – in fact I know your True Self already exists. It is already within you, and is simply waiting for you to uncover it.

I have seen countless times that when people clear away the pain, the false beliefs, and the illusions of life that have been hurting them – the result is always the same – they uncover the jewel which already exists inside them.

All of us have a natural state that just is. This just is part of ourselves knows how to love and accept ourself, define and create who we really are, be at peace, operate healthily, set boundaries, be whole and feel complete.

This is our goal. To uncover the ‘jewel’, the infinite part of ourself that is True Self – that is connected to life, source, love and wholeness. It is the part of us that feels ‘at one with ourself and at one with life’.

It is the part of us that is unconditional love, support and wisdom to ourself. It is the part that can say ‘no’ to what isn’t our truth, and know that we are unlimited enough to attract, create and wait for our truth – and feel whole in the meantime.

Everything you need is within you, you just need to clear away what is blocking you from remembering that.

Information Assists but What is the True Answer?

It really does all come back to ‘we can’t park a Ferrari over the top of a rusty old wreck’.

The greatest danger is to believe that you are an intellectual being and not an emotional / vibrational being.

Some of the most intellectual people in the world are highly co-dependent.

I know because I meet them all the time – and truly I was one of them also.

You cannot heal your fear and clear your false beliefs intellectually.

You cannot cover over the previous pain and just decide to learn and ‘do’ differently.

I believe it is impossible to merely reason yourself out of pain and false belief systems.

Last week’s article How To Change Your Behaviour Without Slipping Back Into Old Habits explains exactly why this doesn’t work.

You are a human ‘being’ – you are not a human ‘doing’.

Trying to just ‘do’ without working on your ‘being’ is self-defeating. Your inner being is still pointed in a direction of pain and fear and your mind is wrestling with your Inner Identity trying to make it ‘do’ something different.

The truth is it can’t.

This is why there is an enormous difference between reading information, and applying the information to yourself by doing the inner work.

I have met countless people (and again I was one of them) who read copious amounts of information, and even went to seminar upon seminar, but never applied this information to working on self.

These are the people who think that information alone makes the difference. It doesn’t. Information is simply knowledge. Information applied becomes much deeper than just knowledge – it becomes a part of you.

Information is simply information. Information applied becomes an experience of our being.

4 Steps to Overcoming Co-dependency and Becoming A True Source To Yourself

Step 1: Acknowledge you wish your life to be better, and the only way it will be is if you create yourself as ‘better’.

Step 2: Acknowledge that your previous beliefs about self, life, love and others could do with transformation – because they have not served you in relation to how you want to feel, who you wish to be, and the results you would like to produce in your life.

Acknowledge that you have been programmed or conditioned to believe your fullness had to come ‘from the outside’ and that you need to learn how to create it ‘from the inside’.

You may wish to acknowledge that this previous state you were living by – call it co-dependency, or any other ‘label’ you wish has not been working for you. Have absolutely no shame in this…

By accepting that you have had insecure, painful, broken and unhealed parts (which caused you to seek your self-definition from outside of you) you now can target and heal and transform them.

Step 3: Realise you need to get out of your intellect and stop merely seeking information without applying it. Accept that you need to find ways to go within yourself to heal and release the scared, insecure and broken parts of yourself. Know that you need to find the processes that will assist you with this. Steer clear of ‘information only’ processes that don’t go deep within you and address your being.

Step 4: Commit to changing your life by transforming yourself, and decide that you wish to feel whole, secure, safe and empowered regardless of what life and other people are or aren’t doing.

Please know that the articles that are going to now emerge in Empowered Life and Love are all about this – the serious and direct journey to becoming a Source to yourself, of breaking out of co-dependency, creating great boundaries and becoming the emotional master and creator of your great life.

I’d love you to share with me your thoughts, questions or comments about co-dependency.

This stands to reason if fear is all you’ve know…

You may believe:

• Life is a struggle
• I have to fight for what I want
• Nothing good comes easily and
• When things go right, they are followed sooner or later by something going wrong.

All of these beliefs (and more) may have become our living reality – and of course they have been our experience…so therefore why would we choose to think any differently?

The answer is: Because living with these belief systems does not create pleasant experiences.

In fact, because we are caught up in fight and flee and survival, this seriously detracts from the energy, time and resources to align with and create What We Really Want.

When We Have Had Enough of the Pain

So, inevitably in our process of evolution and self-development, we get to the point where we have had enough. We decide that no longer do we want to live with belief systems that keep co-creating pain and struggle. We want to transcend these negative beliefs to create a new reality.

This is generally the time where we take responsibility and realise that our beliefs are drawing in and maintaining situations and individuals in our life that reflect these painful beliefs. And in fact, when we take full responsibility we realise that even our childhoods were in perfect and divine order because they granted us the perfect conditions to learn how to love, honour and empower ourselves, become the True Creators that we are (from the inside out), and graduate to a higher level of evolution.

This does not dismiss what went on at all…it is about applying the consciousness to take control of our life and create a better way for ourselves. When we do this we stop feeling victimised and we can accept the gift that our journey has brought us, which was: everything that we needed to heal.

Applying the responsibility: I have no power to change anything other than myself puts us in the driver’s seat – finally…

We can certainly challenge our fears, ego, victim feelings and powerless, stuck resentments and painful notions, and we do have the power within, to release all of that, and align with realities that we would much rather prefer.

The Difficulty of Letting Go of the Pain

Many people engage in an empowerment journey, and start experiencing results, yet may find they can’t quite breakthrough to true freedom of new preferred beliefs. Often this is because the ego (survival and defence mechanisms) is in fear of letting go of the pain.

It is very helpful to understand the difference between False Self and True Self.

Our egoic (fearful / false) self loves doing things the hard way. It is our pain body that is self-condemning and addicted to pain. It will unconsciously seek out pain, blame the pain on outside circumstances, miss the point and keep rolling around in the agony whilst only creating and sustaining more pain.

An example is: unconsciously seeking out a love relationship that reflects the inner beliefs “I don’t forgive, love or accept myself”, experiencing the mirror of the inner abuse, hold the ‘mirror’ (love partner) accountable and think it’s powerless to have a great experience unless that outer person changes.

The egoic self is known as a False Self for very good reasons:

1)Its tactics don’t work in regard to who we really want to be and what we really want to experience in life.

2)It is aligned with (focused on) what we don’t want, rather than what we do want.

3) It is resentful and dismayed by its feelings of powerlessness and wants other people and outside situations to fix this for it.

When our False Self is at the fore, we feel tormented, confused, resentful, and that we can’t let go of ‘what happened to us’. We point the finger at situations and people and hold them accountable for our unhappy and painful reality.

The True Self in stark comparison applies consciousness. It knows there is ‘no outer’, and that people and situations are merely and magnificently reflecting back the inner state which grants evidence as to where our level of self-love, self-acceptance and healthy beliefs are or aren’t operating.

The True Self knows that the focus on acceptance (to the outer) and dedication (to the inner) is the only solution to peace, solidness within, and choosing and creating a great life.

True Healing occurs when we shift away from False Self powerlessness into True Self empowerment on any particular issue that we may struggle with in life.

Death of The Ego

When we try to let go of fear, turmoil, struggles and false beliefs the Ego panics because it knows it’s on the way out…

It has many ways of trying to hang on, and through our minds (the platform and stage of the ego) we will have many thoughts such as:

You may believe:

• Challenges and hard work keep me productive
• If things weren’t tough I may not grow, and I may become lazy
• Of course I feel pain – he or she did this to me (whatever judgement that is…)
  
• How can people be or do that? (whatever judgement that is….)
• My life is the way it is because of what he or she did (whatever judgement that is…)

In this state, struggles and painful emotions have become an identity, and unconsciously we have chosen to gain significance from our pain, and we are literally addicted to the pain.

Who Are You REALLY?

Who you are REALLY is a True Self. Your desires (what you want) are your Truth, (your soul does not get it wrong) and the Aligned You that flows forward into your self-love, self-deservedness, self- knowing is your True Self.

Your True Self is your most natural state of being – it is where you are At One With Life and At One With Yourself (in energetic reality there is no difference, they are the same thing – and in fact you only have to be At One with one of these two to automatically be at One with the other).

Therefore this is Who and What you have to look forward to. If you have the ability to have empathy, compassion and you have a conscience, then your True Self is waiting for you patiently to clear out the garbage that is spoiling this flow.

The Ego will try and convince you that without Pain you are Nothing…and there is Nothing…and worse still that without the pain you will be vulnerable, ripped apart and annihilated…

All of these things are total fallacy, these are all False Belief Systems. When you clear the pain, you become your True Self, because that is Who You Are, Who You Will Always Be, and Who You Have Ever Been…it is the Real You.

The more and more you come home to Self the more you will vibrate, feel and know what is your Truth, and you will easily avoid and no longer participate with what isn’t, and you will know that every ‘disadvantageous’ and ‘painful’ situation is a Gift allowing you to know you need to shift your understanding of this situation to a True Self Level.

All of it is giving you the Golden Opportunity to Be Aligned.

Without the pain life works, and it literally flows effortlessly. What You Want becomes you reality and What You Don’t Want falls away from your experience – because you are no longer a vibrational match for it…

I hope this inspires you to make it your grandest mission to transcend the pain!