Melanie Tonia Evans

The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 59
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans


Was the narcissist coming into your life a senseless, cruel mistake?

Was it to destroy you and what is important to you?

Trust me I know you could 100% believe that.  I used to too…

However, know there is a REAL reason – an incredible one – that not only holds the key to your full Thriver Recovery…

But also, the most incredible resurrection of you and your life that you could imagine.

BY knowing this TRUTH you can be set FREE.

Watch today’s Thriver TV episode to find out EXACTLY what it is.



Video Transcript

Most of us have believed that the narcissist coming into our life was senseless and completely and horribly ‘wrong’.

But I want to challenge you in the most loving and direct way today, by saying this: only if you are interested in deeper Quantum Truths that can shine a huge light on this mess and offer you the truth that will set you free watch on … otherwise maybe don’t.

Because truly, if you are still in the process of feeling deeply victimised and want to be there indefinitely (which I understand, because I’ve been there myself), this video isn’t for you.

However, for those of you who are Quantum and Truth seekers, I promise you the deep exploration of the following question holds the key to your true recovery: What is the REAL reason the narcissist came into your life?

Today I’m going to give you that answer, in various ways where I hope you won’t miss, by sharing my own journey from victim to survivor to Thriver.

I’m passionate about what I learned and applied regarding the real reason why the narcissist came into my life, because it saved my life. Me sharing it with you means this may save your life too.

So, if you are still with me watching this video, let’s get started by flipping perceptions – from outside in to inside out – because it’s vital.


The Outside In Version

Within narcissistic abuse, by looking outwards at what is happening to us we see that this person, the narcissist, is doing all sorts of unspeakable things to us and the people and things that are dear to our hearts.

It seems tragic, cruel and senseless.

To make matters worse, whatever we are trying to do to stop this person hurting us, it doesn’t seem to be working. And, to add insult to injury, we feel so mentally trapped in it.

Why can’t we walk away? Why can’t we leave? And even if we have physically moved away, we can’t seem to emotionally.

And why do we keep getting drawn back in time and time again? And even when we finally don’t go back, why can’t we stop obsessing about what happened with this person?

What is REALLY going on here?

If we stay in our normal human reality of looking outwards, we actually never get to work it out. The abuse continues, and even intensifies, and our feelings of being powerless and out of control seem to get worse.


The Inside Out Version

When we turn inwards, to the only person we do have the power to heal and change, then we CAN heal and change what is happening.

Yes, we are being traumatised beyond measure by narcissists, but it’s not until we let go of our focus on them and come deeply inside to find and heal the parts of ourselves hooked on them, that we can move out of our powerlessness and trapped and traumatised state.

From a Higher perspective, as well as my own personal journey and co-generating liberation from abuse with thousands of others, I know exactly why most people don’t get better after narcissistic abuse – because they are not working with the truth.

For many of us it takes a long time to know the real reason why the narcissist came into our life. I didn’t know the real reason until I was within a millimetre off dying, in my breakdown on my bathroom floor, when the answer filled me with such blinding clarity that there was no missing it.

Here is the absolute truth.

The trauma I am receiving outside of me, matches already existing trauma trapped inside of me. Now that these unconscious wounds have become conscious, I can go to them, release them and start finally living free of them.


Is This Victim Blaming?

The biggest problem I see in narcissistic abuse circles is when people are determined to uphold, ‘I didn’t ask for this, and there was no reason for this to happen to me.’

My recent video about peptide addiction explains the results of this thinking, which has dire and far-reaching negative results.

I understand this thinking; I used to be vehemently attached to it too, and sadly it nearly killed me. Because, when I was not willing to go deeper and heal my inner trauma I was fruitlessly trying to get others to change to make me feel better.

It wasn’t happening and the reason it wasn’t is because it is a false premise. It is the definition of handing our power over and being stuck in a state of personal powerlessness.

We also may not realize that this is the very co-dependency, looking for self outside of self, that allowed such horrific abuse to happen to us as a continuation into our adulthood where we DO have the power to stop it happening.

It’s Wrong Town on steroids and sadly the most destructive path we can take after being abused.

I believe the following is the issue: people thinking going inwards to heal our wounds means accepting ‘blame’, and that we are being ‘shamed’ by receiving the information that our inner work is necessary.

This is the EXACT thinking that has led us into the madness of our own self-abuse – being so horrified to think that we may be ‘defective’ that we refuse to meet our own Inner Being with tenderness, love, care and support.

Instead, we have self-medicated away our pain with food, other substances, workaholism, over giving to others, and all sorts of other ways – including having relationships with sick and unhealthy people – to self-avoid the cries to come inside and meet and heal ourselves.

By going inside the Quantum Way, we are not beating ourselves up with self-repulsion (which is horribly self-defeating). Rather, we are acknowledging there has been a ton of trauma in the human experience that was inflicted on us by other people who were steeped in their own trauma and unconsciousness. And like a virus this unseen force, wedged in our Inner identity, is leading us into more of these situations that continue to hurt.

I can assure you I have lived both ways, asleep to this fact and awake to it.

As the victim thinking that there was absolutely NO reason at all for a narcissist to come into my life and smash me so hard, I wasn’t getting the healing and evolution gift of freeing myself and future generations from ongoing generational trauma. The smashing continued.

When I woke up and realised that there was a great deal of inherited abuse trauma as well as many childhood knots for me to unwind – all of which had accumulated to toxic overload, hence experiencing narcissistic abuse – then, finally, I turned inwards and started meeting and releasing and reprogramming these inner traumas.

Soon afterwards I started to get well and free in ways that exceeded my wildest dreams, which was a miracle considering I was told that there was no way back to heal from my trauma conditions.


What Deeper Truths Are Narcissists Showing Us?

Narcissists enter our lives pretending to be the ‘answer’ to what we need to heal within us – a need that we may not even be aware of yet – and then cease the faux support and start to smash those exact parts, making the pain so horrific that unconscious parts become fully conscious.

The narcissist first appeared to be the saviour of our wounds and then became the messenger of them instead.

Let me grant you my own example. I used to suffer greatly from fears of abandonment and not being valid and seen or being ‘good enough’ to be loved. This was deeply unconscious because it was all I had ever known as my ‘self’ and my reality.

Like many people who are narcissistically abuse, I was over-functioning and over-compensating for my inner unconscious traumas and was very practically capable. I seemed strong and other people would have sworn I had it together. Yet on the inside I was battling anxiety and depression, which to overcome I had to keep myself very busy and to keep achieving goals.

Naturally, because it is how this stuff goes, I was never gentle, tender or supportive with these inner parts. Rather, I was constantly self-abandoning my internal pain, not making my feelings important at all, and being incredibly self-critical and demanding of myself. Again, this was my version of ‘normal’, being the only way I had ever known to be with myself; this was exactly what people in my life had always modelled to me.

It wasn’t until narcissistic abuse that these parts I had been surviving and covering over, came screaming to the forefront. The narcissists in my life initially appeared in my life validating and approving of me as well as claiming a full commitment to me. However, things switched and my fears and gaps were, over time, attacked with full ferocity. I was rapidly and cruelly abandoned, invalidated and regularly accused of being a horrible person.

My story is your story – in this way our stories are all pretty much identical. We see the narcissist as the ‘answer’ to our wounds – often unconsciously hence the powerful unexplainable bond to them – yet their actual message to us is to find and heal these wounds within ourselves.

When we awaken and get very self-honest, this is how we know there are parts of ourselves which are unhealed; that we are still sticking around and frantically trying to make the narcissist think and do it differently.

We are clinging onto that person trying to force them to provide us with the relief of these traumas, yet the only way out of the nightmare is to let go of them and attend to those parts that are screaming out deeply within ourselves.

If we are a whole and healed source to ourselves, it becomes a clear-cut thing: ‘I don’t agree with your warped version of me, and I have NO need to try to change you to have a great version of myself! Goodbye.’

We are thrilled to discover that we have ZERO urge for the narcissist to provide us with ourselves, and the longing, desperation and missing ends.

As does the narcissist’s power to hook you and hurt you. If you get the inner healing job done well enough and the narcissist becomes totally irrelevant, while you become a force of fearless, calm power, they will let go and move on with their life.

False Selves cannot exist in healed and whole environments, no more than germs can in a healthy, clean environment. There is nothing for them to feed off.

You may think this is glib and unrealistic. I promise you it’s not. Absolutely there can be complications with narcissists that need to be unpicked and sorted such as custody with children, property, businesses and all sorts of enmeshments. Yet no matter how difficult these challenges are, I really want you to understand that the greatest and most deadly binds with narcissists are the ones we are suffering emotionally through our wounds.

When we heal from those, all else can follow.

Myself and thousands of others have granted the overwhelming evidence time and time again that when we use Quantum Tools, such as NARP, to find, release and heal what the narcissist brings up in us, then our soul contract with them is concluded.

That’s when the healing message – posing as a holocaust to get our attention – ends.

The same happens with people with cancer. When individuals have gone inwards to discover what the cancer is calling them to heal and then address that at true causation level, the cancer, due to having delivered the message, may suddenly and completely leave their experience.

Narcissists, like serious illnesses, are RELENTLESS and their incredible purpose as a False Self is to NOT STOP delivering the torture until you get the message.

I dearly hope with all my heart that you made it here with me to the end, and that you are absorbing the message regarding the REAL reason why a narcissist came into your life.

And if you do know it now, it is time to turn inwards, self-partner and do the healing work to free yourself not just from the narcissist but from every internal trauma and false belief that has been limiting your incredible True Self and Life.

That’s the work I live as a lifestyle for myself and which I love assisting others with so that they too can claim their highest and best lives.

If you are ready to not just merely survive but truly Thrive join me in my 16-day free course where you will start shedding trauma and coming home to you. You can connect to this right away by clicking this link.

And, if you liked this video please click the Like button. And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to answer your comments and questions below.


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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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42 Thoughts on The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life
    March 21, 2019

    Do you think if we hold onto judgement of the N, even if we are doing no contact, that the unhealed judgement can keep cycling them back into our lives? I’ve seen a pattern in my life where, if someone is being emotionally abusive to me and I move away from them, some kind of emergency always surfaces to bring them back to save the day. It leaves me confused and frustrated wondering why the universe keeps bringing them back when I’ve decided they are not good for me. I feel like the universe is saying “Ha, ha, you thought you had this figured out, but you don’t.” Then I go back into the “he’s good, he’s bad, he’s good, he’s bad” cognitive dissonance again. Then I wonder…. is it possible, if I really “forgive” this person that the seesaw drama will go away. If I, as they say, think: “I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be and I release you with love to be who you want to be” then will tension go away and therefore the pull go away. It doesn’t feel good to think about the “bad” people in the world and worry about what they will do, but if we send love to the people “behaving badly” does that open us up to being naive again?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Hi DMJ,

      Hell yes!

      It means our gift and graduation hasn’t been fully embraced to go to the next level.

      It’s not until we take the focus off them and fully dedicate to healing the hook in us, that we get free.

      Then there is only release, gratitude and evolution.

      I would target the resentment and shift it out determinedly … as well as anything else stuck there that you are feeling. This isnt about ‘them’ or sending them love! That’s Wrong Town!

      They were just a catalyst bringing up and already existing trauma in you, that when you track what hurts back through your body with NARP and release it – it will be done!

      Then you will have true organic forgiveness!

      Then the soul contract is complete and you can live free of this person … in all ways.

      Does this help?

      Mel 🙏💕

        March 22, 2019

        Yes, thank you!
        I’ve been thinking about this a lot today and I think another “piece” that I haven’t healed is around my belief of whether or not I can take care of myself or survive w/o these men “helping” me. This confuses me because I DO think that as humans we all need help from others from time-to-time, but to me this feels like a very strong fear…. that I don’t deserve to be taken care of and I have to settle for and cling to “so-so” care from Ns in order to survive. When the “Narcissist in shining armor” steps in to help me, it triggers intense emotions. I need to trust in the process of life to take care of me and stop longing for some magical someone to make me feel safe.

        On a similar note, I was watching Dr. Phil today (don’t know if you get his show in Australia). But he had on this young adult girl and her parents and her boyfriend and she was being physically abused by her boyfriend and kept going back to him in this ongoing cycle of abuse. Dr. Phil did do some questioning of her as to whether she was raised to feel valuable and loved as a child, so he was sort of getting at the… “it’s not really about him, it’s about you” thing. Not that the boy doesn’t have issues, but her parents couldn’t understand “what she saw in him.” She had a protective order against him and broke it while in LA for the taping of the show to hook up with her BF again. I’m curious to see if Dr. Phil will uncover something meaningful as to why she is staying with this guy… it’s being continued tomorrow. Sometimes he sends people off to special centers for intensive therapy and doesn’t get into the nuts and bolts of the “whys” on his show… but sometimes I get AHA moments from watching him, or sometimes it shines a light on my own behavior.

        Re: my survival anxiety, as a child we never lacked for necessities, we had a nice home, clothes, food, toys, a swimming pool, vacations to nice places etc… so from the outside it seems like, “What the hell is wrong with me?!” LOL. Gotta laugh at yourself sometimes. But I think here there may be generational fears playing out. Both my parents lived during the Great Depression and my father specifically was very concerned about money and lack and safety and was extremely over-protective, but because he didn’t feel safe, I never felt safe. I can remember as a little child stashing away my small allowance in fear that I would need it to take care of myself. Mom, was more confident in her “right” to abundance and oddly enough her poor-paying job ended up being a good paying job with a pension that supported her for the rest of her life. It is interesting how the way we “feel” effects what comes into our lives.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 22, 2019

          Hi DMJ,

          I agree regarding this fear. It was massive for me to. When I healed up to be a solid source to self more and more healthy support flowed into my life – and I was free to accept it and reject the conditional, unhealthy or dodgy versions.

          The biggest key is support floods in when you don’t need it – when you are a healed up actualised source to self without fear.

          That is the first goal … and from there than you can work on beliefs to open up to receive. You can have both!

          Truly DMJ we only know what the wounds are when we meet them and release them in our body. Pondering and trying to work it out intellectually is just time spent where we could be in Modules contacting the fear inside, loading it up, releasing it and healing it.

          I know which way I spent my time! The latter … I wasted decades the other way before now.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

        March 24, 2019

        I have allowed myself to get so financially under that leaving is very hard. Is this normal. I allliwed him to take control of most of my income because I wasn’t doing good with this area myself. I had lost my townhouse to forclosure and was driving a car that the I was upside down on. I as been self medicating myself so I would not have to face my failures and I am still on that path so that I can not face the reality of how abused I have been by my husband. I married him knowing I was not being treated right. I have a great deal to go through for recovery. Thank you for sharing and if you have any thoughts on this please feel free to just say it like it is.

        • Melanie Tonia Evans
          March 25, 2019

          Hi Teresa,

          My heart goes out to you, and please know that even under the most horrid of circumstances there is a way out of this terrible mess.

          Myself and others have made it, even though there seemed ‘no way’. Truly I believe the truth does set us free, as does meeting and supporting ourselves on the inside.

          This is when things and people start coming in to assist, as does the inspirations and ‘ways’ from within.

          Sending healing, hope and courage to you.

          Mel 🙏💕❤️

      May 10, 2019

      The dilemma with me is, I had a trauma free upbringing. I carry no baggage from childhood into the adult realm. A free thinker from an early age, sometimes found me in a tight spot from time to time due to inexperience.
      Fast forward 4 decades. After the 2nd marriage failed. I found myself in love for the first time ever. The highest of highs. As the situation unravelled and I became aware of the atrocities, love ruled (for me, that is). Until one day Im on my knees begging God, begging all that is sacred to please, please make let go. Even if it kills me, just please make me let go. Death, at this point is better than the reality that surrounds me. After a month-long, drug fueled binge the heaviness seemed to subside. Now, I have a flawed standard in which all other women are judged. I know logically this isnt right. Now Im afraid to pull the trigger on trying to date again. The flawed standard is still eating away at me. .maybe its the memory of a feeling? I would not take her back, because I remember the feeling of being on my knees, begging, hoping, wanting to die, cursing the very air she breathes in hopes that something, anything would kill me off. I couldnt even overdose. Trust me, the amounts I injected would kill two junkies. (Im not a junkie, btw, just a low point in life) So, dating seems to me now, pointless. Why? I gripe about being lonely, but cant seem to socialize. I cannot make myself get out and mingle. This is slowly killing me. I cant shake it.

        May 16, 2019

        This is the greatest struggle I have ever encountered. I lost my one true live , soul mate in an auto accident when I was 35 with 2 children still at home. Not his. My first marriage was at 16. To get away from my mother with an alcoholic sexually abused 27 year old that drank, gambled , frequented Titty bars an abused me verbally, emotionally , physically and financially. 3 kids and 11 years later I decided if I didn’t leave I would die. Of course he made good his threat of taking the children and running for 3 years. I was suppose to take him back to get the kids back. The good that came of it was I got a job and met my future husband and was treated as a princess, may have some been the age difference of 17 years. My children were returned as he had no more use of them for leverage. Now plays the role of super Dad. Never a penny of child support. 10 years into my life of bliss John, my new husband was killed in an auto accident. I raised my girls , but my life style was not the best as a mother. I worked raised them the best I knew how but I spent a lot of time in bars , drinking and going through misfits which had narcissistic tendencies. After 3 more failed relationships (control freaks) I landed Brad . We went to church together, fishing, out to eat and had been friends for many years. All this knowing he was a recovering alcoholic- addict. 6 months later we were living together. I noticed little things that bothered me but after all he was in recovery and on probation. It has been 10 years , I am now 71 years old , he’s 61. I have left so many times I lost count and feel like a yoyo. The profile on Narcissism hits on him at every point. The last return was 6 months ago and I knew I shouldn’t. My excuse , I was tired of living with other people and I just wanted to go home and sleep in my bed. Enjoy my yard and my flowers. Since Valentine’s Day he has relapsed every 2 weeks, stays gone all night ,chalks it up to sleeping in his truck so he don’t get another DWI as that will get him 20 years in TDC. Texas. He has 1 incarceration on him for that. The end result is constant verbal and emotional abuse, there has been an incident of physical had him arrested which I can never live down. Wrecked my car after a round of his drugs drinking and narcissistic abuse. Had to borrow money from him or I say did because it was easier !!.. . After last night he didn’t come home again called laughing this morning and patting himself on the back for ” not driving” I was suppose to ” answer my phone”” which I had turned off all night. I was suppose to be happy !! Quit being a bitch!! You make me not want to come home. Yes I played into some of it , but thanks to this site I am leaving tomorrow with threats of course. Like I will make you sorry!! You owe me money you will never pay back. It was expensive supporting your ass!!. I quit 4 goid jobs in the last 2 years because of exhaustion and be I g up all night stressed to the max. Thank you for reading .Its long and I only covered a minimal amount of “treachery”.Beating myself up . again thank you for giving me hope.

    March 21, 2019

    i got an aha moment this week. when we went out to restaurants i felt like i mattered. family of origin and with men. wow!
    little wonder there were so many years of eating disorder going on in my whole life before thriving. i love thriving and all the nuggets it brings.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Nice Happynow,

      Gotta love Quantum cellular breakthroughs! They bring absolute embodied ‘knowing’ and powerful answers.

      Bless you!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 21, 2019

    Hi Melanie, thank you for this video. I am 2 1/2 years out of my relationship with a narcissist. I found your website and your work and threw myself into the quantum healing. I went through every single lesson offered, over and over again, until I actually started to feel relief. I later worked with Katherine Woodward Thomas (whom you introduced into my world), and worked very hard on this journey and my next phase.

    Today, I am stronger, healthier, happier and now embrace my vulnerability with open arms. My vulnerability is now my greatest strength and testament to the courage that I possess (and always did).

    I was so scared that I would meet another narcissist. This fear I had needed to be investigated and so what I find, that when something comes up that stops me in my tracks or negative thoughts pop up, I am able to shift (sometimes even going back to your quantum healing lessons as a reminder, although lately, I seem to be able to this much more naturally on my own), into my true core. The truth. The truth of my wounds that perhaps need more attention. Regardless, whenever I do handle it, it’s with tender loving care to myself. I have 200% confidence in myself that I will be ok and yes, may even meet another narcissist! But….I can walk away just as quickly as I can shift knowing that I am now sticking to my integrity and authenticity. They way I am looking at it, if another narc appears in my life, it’s just a sign from the universe telling me to pay attention to some inner core wounds that perhaps aren’t fully healed yet.

    I am dating again and having fun. This is the first time I can honestly say this! The moment I healed my pain, was the moment I became whole. Now, heart is a wide open space, it’s so big that nothing can harm it.

    Today, I volunteer at a non-for profit organization where I teach empowerment to women of domestic abuse. One of the most fulfilling experiences I’ve ever had.

    I look back at where I was 2 1/2 years ago, it seems like another life, in another lifetime. I am so grateful to you Melanie for helping me get on the right track. I am sure you hear this all the time, but the work you do is so important and am quite certain you saved many lives. I know you did for me. xoxo

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Hi ML,

      It’s my pleasure.

      Awww I adore what you have written here and your progress and that you are paving your empowerment forward.

      What a special and beautiful soul you are!

      ML ironically (not) I just responded to another lady about ‘the fear of meeting an N, I’ll share with you what I wrote below ….

      I really want you to know that when we heal up those fears and have done enough inner work to show up authentically, trust our inner voice, be prepared to ask the difficult questions, and have difficult conversations and no longer have the fear of speaking up due to the fears of CRAP – criticism, rejection, abandonment or punishment then we can truly say – ‘bring on the narcs!’

      Its not until you have ZERO fear or them, know you are impervious to them and couldn’t care less about them … that you can graduate.

      That’s the level of inner work you must get to, to be safe from them – and they will continue to come into your life as sure as anything until you know 100 percent that no matter what, you are self partnered and your own source and you are prepared to be true to you – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t being or doing.

      Ns will come so that you can graduate by having closed your gaps (healed your inner wounds and fears) and be fully prepared to do it differently in your power THIS time.

      Your entire life moving forward needs to be that – all of ours (including mine) does.

      The truth is not just anyone can be taken down by ns. People who can’t be duped by ns also encounter ns, they just don’t hand power over to them. They ascertain people healthily and take their time to trust them and let them fully in, they honour their inner beings, they don’t make excuses and justifications for people’s behaviour, they arent empty enough to accept crumbs, and they don’t make sudden and rash decisions because of not being a whole source to self.

      And most of all if they start experiencing unacceptable behaviour they will walk away rather than experience abuse.

      This is who we need to be … and exactly these things and so much more is the person I have dedicated my life to myself to become. Then there is no fear.

      What we fear is a powerful attractor of what we get.

      I hope this makes sense and points you into Right Town with this.

      Soooo … I hope ML this can call you up into this power too. You already get it … but this may further inspire you!

      Much love to you

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

        March 21, 2019

        Hi Melanie, yes! Thank you so much! This was a perfect response to this question and makes complete sense to me! And this is exactly what I do and how I look at things nowadays so to me, it’s spot on. Thanks again. xoxo

    March 21, 2019

    thnx mel

    March 21, 2019

    Thank you for this wonderful video. It’s very timely for me. I’m of an age where further relationships are no longer an option. So I was able to spend the time to see the narcissistic relationship through to the light. Just this morning he abandoned me (a friend was dying and I was being emotional) but as I got in the car to drive to the hospital – a wave of gratitude flowed over me. I realized how once this would have crippled me for weeks. Instead, I could see another area I needed to heal. And the wounds now are fairly superficial. Thank you, Melanie, your work has been so appreciated. And congratulations on the publication of your book

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Hi Jenny,

      It’s my pleasure!

      I am so pleased you have healed as much as you have.

      Thank you for your blessings, and please feel mine to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Carol Rafferty
    March 21, 2019

    I had discovered through my researching that, when I was five, my mother almost killed me, from a brain injury. That was devastating to me. My own mother. That caused trauma bonding. When, I first saw my husband, it was love at first sight. He looked like such a good Christian man. I knew something was very wrong, when our girls were in their teens. I reported him & was called a bitch & a liar & he was a saint. What really bothers me is my family over heard about the rape, saw the strangulation & the abuse & heard my screams & did very little about it. I wanted to leave, but no support. He took my every cent & so did another later on. I was told I walked like a zombie & the walking dead, but everyone took his side. I stayed, for our girls & took all he could dish out. My one daughter raised her fist, but caught herself. The eldest twisted my arms that nearly broke. I was the bad cop & he was the good cop. Are those kids just badly spoiled or narcissist themselves? My daughter came for a visit around my birthday giving me white sage & my birthstone for protection & I can’t help, but wonder why? My granddaughter started following me, but what I noticed, I blocked her. My daughter set up another email address & for some reason it’s not working. Then my son-in-law came into my Linkedin profile & didn’t connect. I 3 nights ago, started dreaming about him & woke up extremely upset. Something is very wrong here. My daughter doesn’t want me to move, because I’m so close, if I need her help. She seldom comes, her grandchildren don’t even know me. She knows how this apt tried to fraud me & sink holes in the back of me. Also, they keep going up in rent & I can’t afford it & she wants me to stay here. Something doesn’t feel right, at all & I’m moving & not giving them my address. It isn’t just one, but, at least, 5. I become a lone wolf, because I’m tired of toxic people, that I lost my trust. I have restless legs movement & not curable at this time & I feel exhausted to the point of dizziness & off balance. Many narcs tried to snack off me & all they got was a hard time. I’m finding decent people & one is a singer Peter Hollens.

    March 21, 2019

    I am ready your message is fully absorbed thank you Mel. I joined NARP a year ago and have not committed myself to it fully. I have a cancer diagnosis with c.ptsd and right now I honestly feel like I am dying…not being dramatic. When I listen to the podcasts now I get the message clearly before I was in a fog and felt like I was treading in treacle. My relationship with my ex finished in 2011 when he walked away after I had supported helped and got him on his feet. I then tried to get on with my life he would sneak back in every now and then I knew it was all wrong yet I felt compelled to keep seeing this man. This went on for at least 5 years with the gaps getting longer and me no longer being as fearful of him I started to challenge his hypocrisy lies and lifestyle. He could feel me slipping away and wanted the old Lorraine back. I said she isn’t coming back. I was in psychotherapy for 4 years which helped a lot more in relationship to my mother. It is now 2019 I have not had a relationship since I am not anti men I just know I am not well enough yet to attract a healthy relationship. So what is my problem…well it is the fact as a serious co dependant I am very good at fixing other people and looking outside but when it comes to me…I turn away. I did the forgiveness module yesterday but fell asleep through it. I am seriously committed now to healing little Lorraine because if I don’t I feel like my life is over. I am soooo tired. ..all I do is sleep I am not living I am existing. Thank you Mel for giving me the hope and strength to get on with my healing. I have self abandoned to the point of its life or death seriously thank you. I always did learn my lessons the hard way.

      March 21, 2019

      Lorraine, I just wanted to let you know, that when you sleep a lot, it means, that you are healing. You are not escaping the healing, you are actually being healed during your sleep. Google Dolores Cannon for more information of what your body is trying to tell you. Her messages are amazing.
      All the best to you. Love & light. Laura

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Hi Lorraine,

      It is your time sweetheart and there is nothing else to do.

      You’ve got this.

      Sending all my blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Kathleen Jones
    March 21, 2019

    Thank you Melanie. You have helped me so much these past few years to heal. I commend you for what you are doing. When we are in this, we do not see the end result. But, if you keep doing the healing, you will get out of this and thrive!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Hi Kathleen,

      I’m so pleased I could help!

      We really do reap the rewards from the inner work. The way out is through Dear Lsdy.

      Bless you 🙏💕❤️

    Sherry Richardson
    March 21, 2019

    I have Read your book and , every email, watched the Thrived Tv video ‘s. This so far is one of the most interesting and most helpful to me. It has really opened my eyes to the fact that even though I am much better than I was 10 months ago, I am still having problems and I am not where I want to be. I am still having dreams about my Narcissist ex husband and still have some anxiety and depression. I realize that it is all because my inner wounds that he targeted are not healed and unless I do your NARP program they won’t be. I am going to get it and finish this healing journey once and for all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 21, 2019

      Hi Sherry,

      I’m so pleased this resonated deeply.

      There is no comparison to trying to manage and live with existing trauma to releasing them and living free from their effects.

      You will find how much easier and direct your healing is with NARP.

      Sending you incredible blessings and breakthroughs.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 22, 2019

    A lot of this resonates with me and I do think that we can learn so much about ourselves once we have been a victim of a narcissistic relationship. But I really feel Melanie that to say people can heal cancer in the same way is at best naive and at worst very damaging and hurtful. Cancer is a terrible disease which sometimes can not be stopped no matter how hard people fight. And it happens to children too. Let’s stick with healing from narcissistic abuse and not stray into areas we know nothing about.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2019

      Hi Clare,

      I am so sorry if I offended you or anyone. I also have seen and lost people to cancer and also have dear friends battling it right now.

      My expression was that it can be released from a persons experience when the underlying trauma is addressed in some cases. That has been an experience I have seen occur many times amongst friends and within this community.

      I actually do have direct experience with this. There are countless emails we receive in support regarding how people lives have been saved by releasing trauma – emotionally and medically.

      A European doctor Christine Li who works with NARP has stated how she has patients regularly healing from life threatening illnesses.

      Louise Hay a dear spiritual matriarch was such an example regarding her healing from cancer. Hence her beautiful work that brought comfort and healing to many including life threatening illnesses.

      I have also experienced my own supposedly incurable physical conditions heal when I addressed the trauma internally related to them. They melted away extremely quickly despite being told I would never again function as normal.

      With all this in mind how can I not believe such work can save lives and should be a path people start to understand more about to possibly save their life?

      A discussion I had with my Chinese Medicine doctor last night about a dear friend with cancer was all about ‘sometimes it is a person’s time’ and also in agreeance with addressing and healing oneself from internal trauma, he also said ‘the people who haven’t made it who do this are so much more at peace and resolved in their life, and I firmly believe their soul has evolved this lifetime.’

      He has worked with cancer patients and seen incredible results from all sorts of angles applied, but is also realistic.

      I’ve always believed if it’s our time it’s our time to go home. And that I accept with grace and love for all of us as well.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 22, 2019

    Thank you, thank you thank you I have very recently had a massive shift with narp and I am feeling relaxed and calm and carefree in a way that I have honestly never felt in my entire life. My reality was trauma and pain and constantly trying to avoid triggers of my wounds… My whole life was like that… Like a recluse trying to hide away so my wounds wouldn’t keep being continually ripped open… I was always scared…of people.. Of life in general.. Abuse was the air I breathed for as long as I can remember and all of a sudden I feel free.. Like a heavy weight has really is indescribable and I know its because of the deep shifts I have had with narp modules.. So thank you ❤️

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 22, 2019

      Hi Alina,

      It’s my pleasure!

      Gosh I feel your breakthrough and I am so happy for you!

      Sending you continued love, blessings and breakthroughs Alina Dear Lady

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Lorraine Wilcock
    March 22, 2019

    A belated thank you to Laura your words are a comfort and I will check out the lady you mention between sleeps! Love and blessings to you too

    March 23, 2019

    You lost me forever with your suggestion cancer is about clearing some kind of lesson. I’ll make sure to tell my dead friends 5 year old son that mum just needed to explore her issues. Utterly appalled.

    March 25, 2019

    I think Melanie may have been misunderstood by some viewers in regards to healing cancer. I believe she said “may” be healed, rather than will be, or some other absolute. I have had several loses of family and friends, and know how sensitive a subject this can be. I did cringe a little as I watched that bit, feeling that it could have been further emphasised that this is a realistic possibility for many, and always worth doing, and also that this can be in relation to any dis-ease of the mind, body, spirit, or soul, but Melanie does go on to cover this beautifully in an earlier/above response on the subject in this thread.

    No inner work is always going to be the answer to everything. it does not negate its truely remarkable possibility in any circumstance. I have witnessed this myself, and thank God Melanie is sharing this knowledge. It is better, though unfortunate, to feel pain as a result of breaking a taboo around such a sensitive issue, yet have people aware of this potential and give that self-love its liberating power (whether that turns out to be physical, spiritual, mental, etc), than to not brave saying it and leave people without such a blessing. inner work doesn’t cure everything unless that is our journey; but it certainly heals wherever it is meant to in the person doing it, and those around them.

    Every blessing to you, Melanie, and to all those who have in any way struggled with the journey of cancer. I pray the struggle gives way to acceptance of internal peace.

    And long live NARP!!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2019

      Thank you Stephanie,

      It is such a delicate subject and my heart goes out to send love and support to all individuals and their loved ones going through this.

      Blessings to you.

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    Angela McVey
    March 25, 2019

    Hi there. I found your site this morning, thank goodness. I’m married to an alcoholic narcissist as if one of those things alone wouldn’t be enough. I’m completely mentally and psychically exhausted.
    Long story short, we met 3 1/2 years ago. He had a home in a gated community, was a youth pastor, sang in a Christian band, and adored his son. We were married within a year. Until I watched him coach football, I didn’t even know he was capable of raising his voice. I had noticed in that time, that he drink quite a bit, but of course thought I could help that. I knew that any time we would have a conversation, he would always shift it to him and about his life. At that time I was 40 and thought, this is good as it’s probably going to get and I should just be content. I listed my home at 21 years for sale and thank goodness it didn’t sell. We live an hour apart. It was me constantly driving there, constantly wearing myself and my son out trying to make sure we were a part of everything and he put forth no effort whatsoever. The drinking increased, within three weeks of us getting married, he threw his wedding ring across the room and told me to get out, cussed me with everything in him. We may have three good days a month and that’s only because I choose to just exist. If I dare challenge him on anything at all or disagree or call him out on his alcoholism and constant lying, it becomes 2 weeks of insane arguments and abuse. I feel like a beg for every shred of attention that I may get from him, whether it be positive or negative. He has everyone in his community convinced that he is just a superstar and it sickens me to my very core. My first husband was physically abusive and I can say that my current marriage has affected me way worse than any black eye ever received. I even caught him cheating by reading his text messages and once I brought it to his attention, I was the crazy one for invading his privacy and then threatened to kill my dog. He couldn’t attend my grandfathers funeral service because there was a new movie coming out that he wanted to see. After 3 1/2 years, he’s never attended an event for my children, doesn’t ask about them, he’s completely selfish on every level. I want so much to break free but my pride or now being 44 and it not being my first marriage keeps stopping me. It doesn’t matter what I do, don’t do, I can’t try and be as perfect as I can be for him and none of it matters or gets better. Please help me to let go completely.

    Jane M.
    March 25, 2019

    Hi Mel,
    Beautifully said, as always.
    Can’t wait for the release of your new modules !

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      March 25, 2019

      Awww Hane,

      That’s awesome. Myself and the entire MTE team feel the same too.

      Lots of love to you hun!

      Mel 🙏💕❤️

    March 25, 2019

    Beautifully said, as always.
    Can’t wait for the release of your new modules !

    April 14, 2019

    No one wants to be deeply victimized forever as you put it. I find that hurtful and victim-blaming. It takes different people different amounts of time to heal and to be able to process information. Kudos to you and everyone else who was able to readily meet their core wounds and heal them right away.

    sharmila r
    August 28, 2019

    What if a narcissist didn’t come into our life – we were BORN to one? What if our very first experience as an infant is with a narcissist mother whose emotional neglect and abuse programs us for life-long vulnerability ad trauma? What is the purpose for life to START with narcissistic abuse? What are we trying to heal then?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      August 29, 2019

      Hi Sharmilla,

      please know virtually all of us, even if just apparently N abused as adults, also suffered some form of ‘absuive’, ‘unavalaiable’ or deeply damaging parenting.

      For all of us Sharmilla, our today trauma comes from our yesterday trauma. Much of this trauma we were born with. It is generationally taken on trauma, which neuro and quantum science now recognize as true – we are born with trauma, and into families with existing trauma.

      None of us CHOSE this logically – however is we wish to evolve and transcend who we are being, then we need to go inwards and heal. Those of us who do or have, have deeply gone into and released our generational and childhood trauma, which set us up unconsciously for limitations, handing our power away, not being able to show up as powerful authentic beings impervious to what others are or aren’t doing. This is the results that NARP produces – freeing us from our victimisation and being stuck in trauma, by cleaning out ALL our previous trauma – including way beyond adulthood.

      I hope this explains.

      Mel 🙏💕💛

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