Comments on: The Role Cognitive Dissonance Plays In Narcissistic Abuse

By: Audrey

Audrey — Tue, 04 May 2021 19:55:43 +0000

I am still dealing with myself and trying to break free to feel free. It is very hard when you are in your seventies and your grown children are the Narcissists. That is so hard at my age. I have no real friends that I can cry with or even talk to. But now I have found you. You have given me hope. I listen to you everyday without you I would be lost. I am a work in progress. I do get depressed but I am trying to take a good long look at myself with your help. And make some changes. God Bless. And thank you for saving so many of us…Audrey

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 02 May 2021 23:15:18 +0000

In reply to Trish.

Hi Trish,

I am so pleased this spoke to you!

Much Love

Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 02 May 2021 23:14:33 +0000

In reply to Bing.

Hi Bing,

if you google my name plus “elderly narcissist” I have some information which I help can help you.

Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 02 May 2021 23:13:49 +0000

In reply to Amy. It's my pleasure Amy! Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 25 Apr 2021 06:36:48 +0000

In reply to Megan.

Hi Megan,

I totally understand what you are feeling – this journey is NOT easy … believe me nearly all of us felt like this.

Where do you start? In the knowing, YOU deserve better than crumbs. Standing for your worth and value regardless of what someone else is doing.

Otherwise, you have to say “I have accepted crumbs.”

With what I know now – and I would do it a million times over again, I would state what I need and want, let go if it’s not forthcoming and then turn deeply inwards to heal myself with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp – every bit of me that feels triggered, anxious and unloved.

Because I know there is nothing else to do other than continue suffering if I don’t heal up into a solid inner place, those parts of me that put up with crumbs.

At some point you will need to take this stand of self-healing – the real question is “what state will you be in and how much time would you have lost when you do?”

Sending you love and strength and hope

Mel 🙏💕💚

By: Megan

Megan — Fri, 23 Apr 2021 14:19:09 +0000

Hi Mel,
I am reading this article and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I don’t just have one trauma bond, there are several playing out here. I see it. I feel it. But still, when I read the paragraph about you having all those “zeros”, it hurts. It hurts because to say good-bye to this person that I love, (for whatever reason) just plain feels like too much right now. He is not a full on narcissist but I am experiencing abuse like this nevertheless. Question: His friends do not experience any of what I am experiencing in this relationship with him. I know that is typical. He is genuinely warm, kind, generous, and will do anything for his friends. But something is very different about his relationship with the person he has chosen as his life partner – me. I am good friends with his now best woman friend (a former lover). She loves that she was able to change the status of the relationship from partner to best friend. She says that he so desperately wants a life long partner, – but subconsciously there is blockage, resistance, and he doesn’t see it. There is so much resistance in that realm but none as his friend. I see and feel all this too. They now enjoy a wonderful uplifting best friend relationship on both sides. But, ironically, me, as his life partner, I get the crumbs. The last to be considered and the first to go when given priority as to where his time and energy go. I am so sad because I want the unencumbered man that I see when he is outside of his primary relationship, I want THAT man as my partner. He is his true self there. So all this to say, that the pain is too great right now to see him go. I know that I will be too broken hearted to be friends with him. And I will always be resentful of the best woman friend he has now in his former partner. To me, that is my chair and she will always be sitting in it. Where do I start?? How do I get to a place to where it really is ok for me to let him go? How do I even begin to be ok with being ok about that? Right now I am not. I admit that. I acknowledge that that is where I am right now. I know I am trapped. How do I move, even one little step towards releasing myself?

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 08:52:51 +0000

In reply to Lynn.

I’m so pleased Lynn that this helped bring you clarity.

Sending you love, healing and breakthrough, and thank you for sending your well wishes to all.

Mel 🙏💕💚

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 08:51:24 +0000

In reply to Christine.

Hi Christine,

that is so great that you are turning inwards to heal you.

When you change, those hooks will be gone.

I’d love a BIG reunion one day!

Mel 🙏💕💚

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 20 Apr 2021 08:50:16 +0000

In reply to Inger.

That’s so great Inger,

I’m really pleased that this helps you.

Please know how welcome you are.

Mel 🙏💕💚