Narcissists don’t cooperate with joint parenting and co-parenting with one can seem IMPOSSIBLE.
They like to disagree with anything you suggest, refuse to turn up or stick to prior arrangements, and mess with your children’s appointments, possessions and heads!
Are you feeling POWERLESS to get this person to see sense and act decently for the sake of the children? Are you sick of watching your children get hurt, distressed, disappointed and even blatantly abused?
If so, I offer you this complete guide to a different way to parent with a narcissist that offers real healing solutions.
Video Transcript
When it comes to co-parenting with narcissists, it really seems impossible because they are not cooperative.
When co-parenting with a narcissist, he or she will commonly use the children to trigger you, affect you, keep you bound up in court and custody battles, and mine narcissistic supply from you.
This is a common way that narcissists continue to abuse ex-partners.
What can help significantly is Parallel Parenting because this can create space, healing and power for you. It removes your children from their parents’ battles and also helps you to detach and heal into being the solid, powerful influence that your children need you to be.
Before we get started, I’d like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my YouTube channel – and if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. If you find this resource helpful, please share it with anyone you know who may need it too.
Now, let’s dive in.
What Is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel Parenting is a co-parenting experience where the parents disengage from each other and have limited direct contact. Parallel parenting is about enforcing boundaries and then holding them.
Parallel parenting means that you have separate parenting experiences. At first, it can seem really counter-intuitive to do this, yet I promise you that this is the healthiest thing for your children.
One of the ways that continued contact between you and your narcissistic ex damages your children – even more than you could possibly imagine – is if they see you traumatised, feeling powerless, acquiescing and handing away yourself, rights and boundaries.
This creates your children’s template to be abused or abusive when they get older. It’s what they will likely work from because it forms the foundations of their inner, learned Love Code.
The narcissist can also line you up by triggering you to then turn your children against you – by making you out as the ‘bad’ one.
Naturally, it can be very confronting for you to adopt that level of detachment, especially when the narcissist has your children.
most definitely we would love to have input into our children’s well-being when they are with the narcissist. But the narcissist knows this and it becomes one of the greatest hooks s/he will use to abuse you and potentially your children.
Doing What is Instinctively Natural DOESN’T Work.
Monitoring, lecturing and prescribing to a narcissist does not make them a better parent. In fact, it energises them to act against you and the children, and to use whatever it takes to keep triggering and punishing you.
This doesn’t just result in the children being disappointed, let down, neglected or abused. It also means that you become more traumatised and distraught, affecting your ability to be a solid, stable, calm and peaceful influence for your children.
So, above all else, you want to take this power away from the narcissist. The more you feel victimised, brutalised and resenting of the narcissist and co-parenting situation, the more painful the feeling of being victimised, brutalised and resentful will be, and the more you will co-generate these experiences with the narcissist.
Narcissists are a spiritual soul mirror of the most ferocious magnitude. Simply feeling traumatised by them, even without contact, feeds these people the physical energy to keep doing what they are doing.
I know it’s tough; I know it’s horrific.
My heart goes out to you in spades, because I don’t think there is anything more traumatising and serious than when our children are affected.
To survive this and then Thrive for yourself and your children, regardless of the narcissist co-parent, means that you need to find another way to deal with the situation – a way that works.
You need true solutions for you and your children, and I will give them to you in four significant steps.
Step Number 1 – Acceptance
To get started on the healthiest track for you and your children, it’s vital to accept that this co-parenting experience is happening; that you are not dealing with a reasonable person; and that the normal rules of engagement don’t apply.
Stop expecting this person to do the right thing, comply or make co-parenting harmonious. Let go of that requirement and all your triggered traumaregarding it, and start focusing on your Being and generating what you CAN to make the best of the situation.
Know that you are in for the long haul, and accept this too. If you stay mired in the victimised feelings of the situation, not only will it be hard to emerge from it victorious, but it will also be deeply detrimental to your children.
The greatest gift we can ever grant our children is the knowledge that when life gives us lemons, we DO have the resources and the way to make lemonade – regardless of how awful it is.
Passing on our victimisation to our children means they, too, will remain trauma-ridden and continue the cycles of abuse/abused in their lives and their future generations lives. The cycle will continue with them attaching themselves to people who make them feel victimised, let down and abused.
I promise you it is NOT true that we and our children can’t heal when co-parenting is involved.
There are more people in this community having healthy parallel parenting experiences with narcissists than you could imagine. This isn’t some fluke – it’s because they have accepted their situation, rolled up their sleeves and worked very hard at their Beingness and putting in place what is necessary to achieve this.
What else is there to do?
Step Number 2 – Emotional Healing and Detachment
Your emotional triggers are what feed the narcissist the energy needed to keep hurting you.
Triggers that will derail you if left unattended inside you. There are no bigger terrors, I believe, than the ones attached to our children being hurt or the fears of losing them. I know this is some of the most difficult inner work you can ever do.
Yet, no matter how counter-intuitive it is and hard it is to do, if you release these traumas you will emerge from them powerful and solid. You will absolutely be able to take action in powerful, clear ways without being derailed by your inner triggered trauma.
Then, in everyday shenanigans with a narcissist, you’ll know when a certain message does not require a response, whereas before it might have sent you into a spin.
You will be able to have boundaries, hold them and enforce them without fear.
And you will be able to gently, lovingly and solidly respond to your children, in ways that empower them rather than make them drown in deeper victimisation.
This STEP is completely foundational, essential and is truly the difference between struggling with co-parenting and achieving parallel parenting that works. I can’t emphasise this enough!
If you try to parallel parent whilst still triggered, victimised and in non-acceptance of the situation, then you won’t be able to create solidness and safety. This is because the narcissist will still be receiving the psychic energy from you that keeps them going after you for even more narcissistic supply.
Also, you will discover that the right people, assistance, answers, and breakthroughs DON’T come if there are unreleased traumas still screaming inside you.
What comes instead, is Life generating within you, to the letter, more of your already existing traumatised inner programmed beliefs about your situation.
My Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) helps you release the trauma of co-parenting with a narcissist. It is the tool these people who successfully parallel parent use.
Over the years, parents have told me they don’t have time to NARP because of the kids and the battles with the narcissist. Truly, this is when we need to do the inner work the most, and it is the only way I know to start getting off the trauma hamster wheel with a co-parenting narcissistic ex.
Step Number 3 – Create Boundaries and Accountability
The key to successful parallel parenting is to legally create a strict Parenting Plan that contains as much detail as you feel necessary.
The Parenting Plan is about parenting separately. It means you don’t do children’s birthdays together; you have designated times for school and sporting events; and you don’t have contact when dropping off or picking up the children. It also means your ex can’t just turn up at your house at any time.
It’s vital to put a lot of thought into the Parenting Plan so that there are no grey areas and all contact – other than via third-party channels – is eliminated.
Also, you need to include a third-party communication hub such as Our Family Wizard (OFW). OFW is a favoured parallel-parenting communication tool in the Thriver Community.
Once set up, this portal is the only way you and the narcissist communicate. All communication is recorded, can’t be erased, and is admissible in court.
If the narcissist changes the plan for the parenting access or doesn’t even make contact – it is recorded. There is no need for you to, react, fix or mop up the pieces – and it is most important that you don’t!
Your boundaries – coupled with working hard with NARP on any triggers that go off within you – means that you can answer any request that comes through OFW with, ‘This is what I am prepared to do, and this is what I am not prepared to do.’ Do not comply with the narcissist’s demands and changes. Stick to your agreed Parenting Plan.
Then just record, date and collate every incidence. Stay calm, keep shifting out what arises, and DON’T bite back.
The golden rule of using OFW is this: ‘I do not reply to anything personal or abusive or accusatory – period. I don’t comply with any changes to the plan.’
See your solicitor to enforce necessary boundaries. Don’t try to bargain, reason with or get the narcissist to understand – that feeds them exactly the attention they are trying to get from you.
Every step of the way, keep shifting out any fear or pain that is triggered within you with NARP.
When you use the portal correctly, keep releasing inner triggers and don’t respond, the narcissist gets no payoff. He or she can’t extract narcissistic supply and what they are trying to do gets completely exposed.
The narcissist will despise getting nothing from you. If you are in court, give them nothing either. Don’t look at the narcissist or his or her solicitor and only speak directly to the judge.
Then – when you have finally become emotionally disinterested in reacting to the narcissist’s games and are simply dealing in your empowered, inwardly calm and solid way – everything shifts.
Many narcissists truly stop their ridiculous behaviour at this point. I’ve even seen countless narcissists capitulate and give people exactly what they requested regarding custody and settlements.
There is nothing more disconcerting for a narcissist than trying to affect a person who is no longer affected by them. Additionally, this empowerment and calmness often enrages narcissists, who then metaphorically hang themselves with huge outbursts of nastiness. A narcissist unravelling may be recorded on OFW or appear for all to see in a courtroom.
From your side, please don’t ever diagnose the narcissist as having a personality disorder. Don’t try to expose character, but rather, calmly present factual evidence regarding their behaviour.
Many a Thriver has legally won against a narcissist because of this happening. I promise you, the narcissist is nowhere near as powerful as you may think.
Step Number 4 – Become A Thriver For You and Your Child
I totally believe that all of us, including our children, have at soul level made no mistakes about the learning, healing and growing journeys that we go through.
I know how well my son and countless children of other Thrivers have fared in this Community because of what we went through with them and because we led the way. Instead of staying victimised and telling our children how bad our life and their lives were because of being with narcissists – we do something completely different.
We keep shifting out trauma and becoming wiser, more real, solid and true, regardless of what happened to us, what we lost or what the narcissist continued to try to do.
As a result of working hard on our inner wounds, we can clean up all the internal barriers to being self-generative. We can start emerging healthier and more able to create security, lifeforce, joy and resources. We are able to release the hooks of dependency that make us hand our power away to abusers.
By doing so, we become more evolved parents – despite circumstances – than we have ever previously been.
When Zac, my son, and I did a Facebook live presentation together recently, he shared how previously he couldn’t stand being around me – my victim energy was so toxic. Because of not healing myself effectively, I was completely absent for him. It wasn’t until I knew my biggest mission for Zac was to get well – that he did as well. And thank goodness I did realise, because I nearly once lost him to parent alienation and then again to a drug and alcohol addiction.
All of these things are now in the past – and we couldn’t be closer as Mother and Son.
Such a shift within us as parents means that when our children are dismayed by the narcissist’s poor, disappointing or hurtful behaviour, we can fully validate how hurtful this feels but stop reinforcing their helplessness and victimisation. This will happen when you don’t rubbish the other parent but empower your children instead.
You can do this by teaching them their worth, boundaries and rights through your own calm, clear actions. Also, by expressing to them how much you love them, see them and believe in them, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing (including the narcissistic parent).
I can’t tell you how many special children, who are connected to Thriver parents in this community, are doing their own internal, organic versions of Quanta Freedom Healing™, as a result of living with their Thriver parent. Even young children.
Imagine being four years of age, and letting go of internal trauma and filling up with Source Energy as a result of living with a parent who does this! It is happening, and we are leading the way for these little Quantum Beings!
As the result of a healing and evolving parent leading the way, these children – as adults – will not need to continue unconsciously being involved in abusive relationships in order to awaken to their healing and evolution back to themselves.
What an incredible gift to get this out of the way so young! Can you imagine if we could have? Can you understand how this sets up future generations to be conscious, authentic and free from abuse?
I so hope this video has helped.
As I said before, it is completely my belief that if you are co-parenting you need all the support, power and inner shifting you can get – for you and your children.
I invite you to join me in the 16-Day Recovery course, where I will take you through a Quanta Freedom Healing to get you started.
You can do this by clicking this link.
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.
As usual a very timely and welcome message. I am already being seen by my adult children as someone who has pulled themselves together, finally – even though I still live in close proximity to my ex-partner and in times of weakness am triggered. This morning, due to tiredness, I felt myself being drawn into a senseless battle. I worked on myself, as I’ve been taught to do, and saw the daylight once again. But this video message melded everything i did today to pull myself back from entering the abyss – and it reminded me what I have achieved – which is freedom for myself and my adult children. Thank you again. Oh, I signed up for your free web as I can always do with some occasional reinforcement. Your information saved my life and the lives of my children.
Hi Jenny,
I’m so pleased this helped!
That is so great that you are working on yourself, and that your children are noticing.
Power to your Dear Lady and please know how welcome you are.
Love to you and yours.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Dear Melanie
Thank you so very much for your dedication and your program, healing the planet one heart at a time. I am so grateful to have found you. Your work has helped me immensely and I feel that the time has come for my graduation. I feel ready to move forward into my future…whatever that may be. Sending wishes for your continued success, many blessings and much love. Kathy
Hi Kathy,
It’s my pleasure, and thank you for understanding this heartfelt mission!
I love that you ready to expand and blossom.
Much love and blessings to you too.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you Melanie. This past May I was arrested for contempt of parenting plan because my ex (the narcissist) set out on a slander campaign. The judge said and I quote “you HAVE to make your son call his father. There is Nothing more important than that”. The judge also said I had to advise my ex myself when I said my ex could access the information himself etc. I have spent the last 10 years keeping the virus and vines of the narc at bay. Now I’m being told by the court that I HAVE to let him in. How does one deal with this? The man Refuses to CO-parent. I spent 4!! Nights in jail! Because the judge wanted me to write in my own hand how I would follow the parenting plan. I am educated- I have a doctorate. I specialize in child and adolescent PSYCHIATRY. WTH?! I feel defeated. For the first time- I feel like I just can’t fight w this terrorist anymore. My heart breaks for my son (he’s 12). This is all because the ex will not allow our Son to participate in extracurricular activities (soccer) that fall during his parenting time. Seems insane. But it’s the reality. Thanks for being there. This stress permeates my life and in many ways paralyzes me. I go to therapy I try to stay in my lane- it’s exhausting. And I have little energy or patience for anything…
Awww Michele,
My heart goes out to you.
That is insane Dear Lady and I am so sorry that you and your son are going through this.
Michele you may know, that the greatest suggestion I always have when dealing with a narcissist, co parenting or not, is to work with my NARP Program to release your own trauma triggered in order to deal with whatever insanity is presented.
Then you can start generating a shift. In such a situation as you are being forced to comply, this pushes you to be as solid, calm and empowering as you can be to lead the way for your son to deal.
There truly is nothing else to do in this situation. Fighting back sadly, doesnt work and only makes it worse.
Sending healing, love and power to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Michele
Early last year, I too was being forced by the courts to be closer to my abuser. I’d trued everything, from legal to logical, from medical to spiritual. I too am educated and couldn’t get my head around why it was going so wrong. It was then I found Melanie and NARP. I was desperate to make a shift. It didn’t feel logical or practical or empowering at first, but I’d run out of options and you know what they say about doing the same thing and expecting different results… But, things started shifting in the most unexpected of ways. What had become so desperate and frightening started to turn. By all rights, I should’ve sunk without trace, but instead, I rose like a Phoenix from the flames. I’d never have guessed we’d end up where we are today this time 18 months ago. But he started alienating his professional supporters, he had his outbursts in court, and his very powerful and convincing schemes started unravelling. Just as Melanie promises. And truly the only thing i can link this shift back to is NARP. My logical brain stil struggles with accepting that, but there really isn’t any other explanation. Things are vastly improved, not perfect, but so much more manageable now, and I’m no longer seen as the bad one, and nor are there any threats to take away my child. That was beyong awful to even contemplate, let alone be facing. Now all parties involved know he’s an abuser and me and my daughter were being abused by him. He still does with my daughter to this day, but his contact was slashed so the length of time and frequency is much less. And it’s very low level stuff now, which we’re both much more able to deal with. Make the time for NARP. As I write this, I know I should revisit it. I’ve wanted to write my story about NARP for a while, but so dudnt want to until I really felt we were as safe as we could be. I read your post and felt the time was now. Please do NARP, Michele. You need it. It will help. Even if you feel lkke you’re just going through the motions to begin with, this can get you out of the hole you feel you’re in. Much love and light xxx
Hi Phoenix,
Your story is so brave and beautiful.
Thank you for reaching out to Michele and others, and for being the healing our children need, even under the most difficult of circumstances.
So much love to you and your daughter.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Melanie this narration touched my heart.I totally appreciate you for speaking up sharing and evolving – I know the battles you have won inside.
Hi Krisha,
Thank you sweetheart.
This is exactly the same power and breakthrough I wish for everyone, including you.
Love and blessings to you.
Mel 🙏💕💛
“And I can’t tell you how many special children, who are connected to Thriver parents in this community, are doing their own internal, organic versions of Quanta Freedom Healing, as a result of living with their Thriver parent. Even young children.”
– ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have had many frustrating days attempting to co-parent with my narassitic ex husband. I can now see that I am making myself crazy by trying to do the right thing. Thank you for the article. I need it more than you know.
Hi Janice,
I’m so pleased this has helped you.
Bless
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Melanie,
Can you please talk about those cases where there is no court order? There is very little guidance available for those cases.
My narcissistic ex has always avoided fixed arrangements and never pushed for court orders in nine years. Neither have I, as he left my son and me without support in several emergencies and had me wrapped up in chaos and trauma for years letting his son down in ways I never thought possible. Eventually, I stopped trying to get him involved and participating in my son’s life. He is now the typical Christmas and birthday ‘dad’, where he will try to talk to or see his son telling him he loves him, followed by another 6-month absence. He does this only with my son (not his children before or after my son), as he knows how badly I wanted him involved having grown up in a broken family myself. I know he is toxic and my son is doing really well. I struggle with whether or not to push for court orders, as I feel my ex has always treated my son as a ‘second hand citizen’.
Many thanks
Hi Rebecca,
Yes I am happy to talk about this.
Truly in your situation I would accept ‘what is’ and know that healthy and sound … quality would be so much healthier for your son than quantity.
My son Zac did not see his father for eight years. My role as his mother was to be his generative Source and know that if I lead the way and accept ‘what is’ then he will too.
My son didn’t falter, miss or be resentful. And neither did I. If I had, even on his behalf, it would have been terrible for him.
He now has a relationship with his father which is healthy. This unfolded organically at the right time for all the right reasons.
But if it didnt that wouldnt have mattered either.
My greatest suggestion for all of us as parents is to heal ourselves and be all we can for ourselves and our children … regardless of whether the other parent is abusive or absent.
If his father is only occasionally available then empower your son to know, no matter how anyone treats him (including his father) he is amazing, wonderful and worthy.
If you model that level of healing and principles yourself, your son will too.
This means healing all of your previous wounds from your childhood and abuse… just as it was for myself leading the way for my son too.
My resource to achieve exactly that is NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp
I hope that this has helped you.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Mel,
Thanks so much for your comprehensive response! I am happy with my ex not seeing my son much given his behaviour and the chaos he invariably creates. However, as courts appear to be somewhat obsessed with both parents needing to be in a child’s life, no matter the level of dysfunction, and as my ex has lately displayed more ‘interest’ for my son (threatening with his lawyer last Christmas if I didn’t drop my son off at his house, and showing up unannounced at my house for my son’s birthday recently), I get a sense that the more detached I become from him, the more he will come after me with his punishments. Despite my countless attempts to get him involved and hold him accountable over the years, he has always twisted everything and maintained that I prevent him from seeing his son (i.e. I enforce boundaries). I just feel he might ‘pounce’ when it suits him using my silence against me in the courts when I least expect it….
Somehow, I think you might advise me to work on my traumas and do NARP for the situation to dissolve….I better get started! Many thanks for all you do. I so appreciate it! 💕
Rebecca honey,
You are so welcome.
NARP absolutely is your answer.
When you inwardly shift the whole thing will shift. That’s the bottom (and only) line.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Following the four steps to a tee, have been for the past 2 years. Works like a dream. Thank you Mel, your words are true and I have never been this happy. I thrive and life is beautiful. Xx
Hi Vicky,
Awww I am so so happy for you!
Many blessings and continued Thriving to you.
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thanks for your video on how to coparent with narrasist it helps but I have a question how do you stick to the parenting plan and visitation when your ex is using your 14 yr son to alienate you by like example making the child think you are a horrible person for not allowing such changes or allowing the ex to just show up to get them when ever he wants
Hi Tiffany,
you are very welcome.
Please find this resource of mine, which I hope can help you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3zPXFJi22A
Also please know that I cant recommend my free healing webinar for you enough to understand how to release your trauma, anchor into solidness and then these attempts will fall flat and your son will gravitate towards you.
This is the true formula to change this: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar
Love to you and your son, and holding the space for your healing.
Mel 🙏💕💛
i was married to a narc for 15 years and took five years in court to get out. to add to my burden, i have eleven siblings – most of which are full blown ones! my now deceased father was the main role mode who lived in la la land. i am now a 67 year old woman and about two years ago detached myself from all my siblings. as melanie says over and over again, they wreck your head and it was either them or me. it was tough at the beginning and now i have a wonderful sense of relief. not sure how i am going to manage the funerals when they pass away (would appreciate advice here please) however, know at the moment i have no intentions of returning. also know they’re all ready to pounce on me at the first opportunity – regardless of when it is. i have a life now which i consider normal and, as a result, my children (now in their 20’s and 30’s) have become much closer and all thriving in their professional careers. i am self employed and managing my business with less stress. my mental and emotional health has greatly improved. i play sport and can’t believe how well its all going. a huge thank you melanie and please keep staying strong and going forward.
Hi Betty,
that is so wonderful you have been so brave and detached.
Much power and love to you Betty
Mel 🙏💕💛
Good article but need to note that parallel parenting does not work if you are in a 50/50 custody arrangement. In 50 50 we need to agree – and we will never agree. The courts here do not care that we can not agree and they believe 50 50 is best in all cases. Even with court orders there is no way to enforce that it is to be followed, and there is nothing I can do about it. Even with court ordered phone call times – the other parent refuses. And when my lawyer sends the other parent letters – he does not answer. I have been accused of horrible crimes by other parent – and nothing I can do about it. Proving contempt of order is a criminal matter and lawyers are hesitant to make “no phone calls, not providing financials, not agreeing on parenting subjects” criminal matters because “mature adults” should be able to work through it. I have tried to push for OFW – other parent refuses. I have followed your free NARP content and it is good. Thank you for also having this work available to others so that they can feel like they are not alone.
Hi Lisa,
I don’t agree with the overall result that you state.
There are parents co-parenting (parallel parenting) in our community successfully as a 50/50 split.
These are parents working with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and who have been able to create detachment and boundaries.
This is not said to shame you in any way – I am just stating that it is possible and it can work. Many of these people ALSO originally suffered the battles ad the struggles you are. Their N is not any more low level than yours!
My suggestion to you would be to commit to NARP fully – the full Module process is so important to truly clean him out from your Inner Being, and then come into the NARP Forum http://www.melaietoniaevans.com/member so that we can coach and support you fully as to how to achieve this.
You may need to do more than dip your toe into NARP…
Just saying!
Mel 🙏💕💛
Thank you, lovely lady. You truly are a wonderful and giving person. I’m so grateful I found you and your work. Please never stop sharing. Much love to you and your loved ones too xx
Awww Phoenix,
Mwah and much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
Hi Carrie,
it is so true sweetheart that NARP is crucial for you being able to do ALL the steps.
When you get on a powerful, solid inner trajectory (as a result of losing and healing the trauma) it is THE game-changer.
It really is so true – when you don’t have TIME to do NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp, it is the TIME you need to do it the most – because it cuts out all the confusion, pain, dead-ends, repeat traumatizing events, and all the NOT being able to breakthrough.
And when you are the MOST resistant to doing NARP, and make excuses not to, is the TIME when you need to do it the most.
Everything CAN change when your Inner Being does.
Hun when you make NARP your first priority then you will see how powerful it is! Less thinking, and even LESS reading this article, and just go IN and do the NARP work. Okay?
You’ve got this!
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
I’m so upset with myself. I’ve done some of the NARP work through your book and over the last year. I’ve been separated from my narc partner for 5 years. Our kids are now teen and pre-teen and I’m finding the teenage years tougher going with my ex. Late last year I stupidly did what I never should have and blasted my ex via email for the way she was treating our son and his belongings. She is now having a tantrum and has now cut off communication entirely, which is totally screwing with my ability to organise school admin for the kids and to share bills. I feel like crap and its so hard not to spill to the kids about all she’s done. They know she’s cut off all contact and I’ve admitted to them its because I said some stuff she didnt like. My son late last year asked to live at the her house more often as it let him see his school mates more since I live much further from the school (I’ve offered to move closer and my kids have asked me not to!). I ended up meeting him after school and said we had to agree something that was close to 50% of the time spent with me at least until he’s 18 and responsible for himself. I thought I had come so far and am now just miserable. Facing the thought of losing my kids hearts and them not seeing through the exs bullshit is driving me nuts tbh. I feel so lost and like I’m unravelling at the moment – and most of my friends just don’t get it so I’ve been pushing them away and trying to deal with this myself (feel like no-one is hearing my cries for help too). I hate how broken I feel, after doing so well (my mum got ill for over a year and died xmas 2019 which has truly set me back in so many ways too).
Hi Kate,
Sweetheart I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I want you to know with all of my heart, the profound breakthroughs are always the cusp of incredible breakthroughs, if you go within and do the powerful shift work.
Do you have the full NARP program http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp ?
That is my fullest suggestion to you now.
To heal.this for real.
There is nothing else to do for you and your children, other than to lead the way.
Much love to you
Mel 🙏💕💛
This is 2023 and you are me!
Hello dearest Melanie,
I want to start off by thanking you for your tremendously helpful resources. I have a four year old whom has zero recollection of his birth father. 75% of me does not feel like it’s my responsibility to expose my son to the troubling, problematic side of his Dad he has no idea even exist. The other 25% of my has been sulking in this secrecy for the last 4 years. I feel awful but he doesn’t care about my son. He has many children with many women and I’m just afraid to taint my 4 year old with the nasty reality of that. His father makes contact with me every 6 months by calling at odd hours of the night and sending me old images of when we were together. It sickens me because he’s in a relationship…. my question to you is what direction do I go? I’ve been very fearful of the whole court situation. As you can imagine he had quite a few child support arrangements already in place. I also am fearful that he will poison my son. I haven’t seen him in over 5 years and I’m still deeply affected by his presence… well in this case his absence.
Wow could you have posted this at the most perfect time ever! Dealing with my ex who has reasonable visitation. I’m starting to realize with a narcissist there is no such thing as reasonable. LOL! If I don’t give into his demands I am the unreasonable one. For the sake of our son and his wishes I am trying to navigate dealing with his father. More often than not it is a completely draining experience, every time I communicate with him.
Your the best ever . Thank you for all the hard work you do . It can get really confusing and scary with these broken souls but you help so well in putting things into a healthy perspective.
Thank you