Comments on: Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse Story #11 Debbie

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By: Emm

Emm — Sun, 15 Dec 2013 00:38:01 +0000

In reply to Cheryl-Anne.

Cheryl-Ann, When you wrote:-

“But the worst was, and I want this to be out there, he ‘sensed’ when I was in a very difficult situation/stressed/vulnerable/had life issues that were very serious. This was always when he behaved in the most abusive, ruthless, annihilating way. I can only think it flagged up ‘in for the kill’ function in his mind/brain”.

it struck me so deeply… That WAS the WORST part of it… Your analysis that it flagged up the ‘in for the kill’ function is interesting… It woud kick in even if he wasn’t being particularly NARCish at the time….

Mel, any ideas on this???

By: Quinton Edward

Quinton Edward — Fri, 06 Dec 2013 17:17:11 +0000

In reply to Debbie Hadgkiss. Thank you Debbie, I can feel that I am moving in the right direction.

By: Debbie Hadgkiss

Debbie Hadgkiss — Fri, 06 Dec 2013 03:50:43 +0000

In reply to Quinton Edward. Quinton, You and other survivors are so very welcome for me sharing my Thriver Story. As far as abuse is concerned, my mindset is that abuse is abuse and there should be no comparison. You still lost basically your childhood from what I sense from your post due to the adult type responsibilites, care giving and nurturing that you were thrown into plus were bullied in various ways on top... My intuition from this post from you and previous ones I've read of yours' on Melanie's site, indicate to me that you will most definitely be successful in reconnecting with yourself and much more. You are moving in the right direction.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 23:28:33 +0000

In reply to Debbie Hadgkiss.

Hi Debbie,

absolutely correct, wonderful sharing 🙂

The goal setting Module is powerful and can create big transformation into emotional states that previously seemed inaccessible to us.

It is all about clearing the resistance (trapped painful emotions) that are preventing that state.

Our natural state is growth, joy and expansion – absolutely!

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 23:26:04 +0000

In reply to Patti.

Hi Patti,

you are so welcome…

What we DO find – absolutely – is that the deep inner painful beliefs (when we have dug deep into our inner core wounds) actually have nothing to do with the narcissist – they were very old, trapped, painful emotions within ourselves that we have been carrying for a very long time.

The narcissist was simply the attraction point that brought these painful fears and beliefs to the surface.

The great thing is that ‘the narcissist’ and ‘what happened’ provides the triggers to go to the corresponding Module, whatever that ‘topic’ is, and then as we go inside and follow the emotional charge and start unearthing – by being deeply with our inner self without resistance – we get to the painful trapped emotions that are our faulty beliefs about ourselves, life and others (exactly the beliefs that led us into abusive and painful situations) and we release them.

So for example you may be doing Module 1 repeatedly (which is a powerful start to NARP) to clear all the pain you are feeling now…and you will be astounded at what you unearth and clear…

And because you have been narc free for a while it does not have to be about the narc – it is about anything that hurts.

And then work whichever Module sequentially from there…checking to see if you still have feelings of loss (Module 2), Still have trouble forgiving others, yourself and life for what you went through (Module 3), Still feel the pain of the injustices and the betrayals (Module 4), Still feel that you wish you could make people accountable for their bad behaviour (Module 5), Still feel that you take responsibility for people and their bad behaviour (Module 6) and so on and so forth.

Through this journey you are discovering and releasing and liberating the old wounds – that is what true recovery is all about.

I hope this helps!

Mel xo

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 21:53:57 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing this. It helps so much to know that that we are not alone in this. Not that I would wish the experience on anybody, but it was connecting to Melanie and the faceboook group that saved my sanity.
I am 17 monthes out of my 12 year marriage to a narc, my first year alone was scary and difficult. It was only by persisting with the Narp programme that I was able to deal with such a devastating experience. Melanie’s support through all the dark times was my lifeline. Through her and the facebook support group I was able to break through and heal.
And I have healed. My ex is still up to his malicious tricks, he lied to the judge in the divorce case, he maligns me to anyone who will listen…but I feel free of him now. I have met someone new, someone kind and gentle. Someone who honours me as I have learned to honour myself.
I would never have learned to love myself, or even understand myself if it had not been for the narc experience. It is , as Melanie says, a gift.
One of the aspects of this gift is the incredible connexion to all the people who have gone through this, or are going through this. We all seem to come out the other side stronger and wiser, happier and more secure.
So thank you again Debbie for your story. I wish you an amazing recovery and all the best. And to Melanie for your extraordinary programme xxxx

By: Karen W

Karen W — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 21:39:30 +0000

Best wishes Debbie, may you find the peace and contentment you deserve 🙂

By: Debbie Hadgkiss

Debbie Hadgkiss — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 15:55:43 +0000

In reply to Karen.

Karen, I wan to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful and heartfelt message. The NARC group has most definitely been my lifeline and will continue to be along with my mama bear approach to providing education, inspiration and support to other survivors. I so enjoy what I do within that group and will continue doing so on Melanie’s new forum when it is activated for I know that I definitely have the experience and the gift of reaching out/touching or affecting others and it’s most definitely needed. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story… Much love and light to you… xXxoOo