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A lot of her story I could see my ex-narc’s had the exact same qualities and even childhood background. I did run as fast I could from my ex when I was expecting but could completely see this happening if I had stayed.

Thank you for sharing your story and am excited for your new life. It’s totally encouraged me even more. I always wanted to do balloon twisting and maybe I should get out there with it. lol

What can make Ns difficult to identify is that what unites them all is WHAT THEY LACK. I nearly married a man who seems to be just like this one. Although he was successful in his work, the exact same emotional black-holes were evident- when I needed him the most. I too was very idealistic and loyal, and spent LOTS of creativity trying to ‘show up’ (I love your term) in just the right way to connect with him- and blamed myself for his emotional stuntedness…
Ironically, I believed that this man was my one ‘non-narc’. I thought maybe he fell on the ‘autism spectrum’, which may be true, but this was ultimately just an excuse of mine to stay in a relationship with more hope for what I didn’t see than joy in the reality; I wasn’t getting my needs met, and kept feeling that I was wrong or bad to expect too much from him while he was ‘healing’-which was really a fantasy and my own projection- he had zero interest in making concrete improvements for our mutual benefit.

I’m FINALLY getting that ALL the relationships I’ve chosen in my life have really been just various seasonings on top of the same bad meat- and that they are the seasonings and I- my programs- are the meat!

Thanks again Stephanie and Mel. xoxo.

Hi Jane,

Yes I am happy to.

You have pretty much stated it yourself – you have already named the goal.

Set the goal as to ‘how you want your children to be’…then check in with yourself as to how you rate that as ‘knowing’ as a score out of 10.

Your goal is to ‘know’ how you wish to ‘see’ your children as a 10/10, and feel into and clear the resistance (fear, pain, guilt etc) that is preventing it from being felt emotionally as a 10/10.

The goal setting Module grants you the instructions in it as well.

Mel xo

Mel,
Can you tell some more on how to work with the goal setting module in NARP in relation to children? I need to feel they are free to be who they are, free from influence, able to love themselves fully with no conditions ?
If there is anything else you can add to your response to Kay, I’d appreciate it.
Thank you.

I think that I have my own answer to that one Stephanie and it is really sad, The N is so damaged and they did not get to experience healthy love when they were children. They are damaged children in adult bodies. When they have actual children, it brings up feelings in them that they find intolerable because now they are faced with a mirror that is them as children and they hate themselves so much that they cannot bear to see their mirrored image and project their feelings onto the actual children. They do not know how to love the inner child at all. Since they are unhealed and wounded children, they do not have any capacity to care for themselves, let alone care for an actual child. They escape into their own world to avoid life. I am sure that your new little home will be a wonderful source of joy for you all and finally you will have some security in your housing and you can put down roots and experience some normality of life. I remember when we first moved into the house. It had a large garden and I would look out the kitchen window and love seeing the clothesline and the garden. I loved having a bath to use for me and for my little daughter. Over the years that we lived in that house, I grew roses and fruit trees, we had ducks and chickens, birds, rabbits, worm farms, dogs, cats, and fish tanks. We had no money but I started an organic stone-ground bread business that I operated out of my kitchen and although the house was very small, we had the best time there. They were very rich years. I am sure that your experience will be a rich one too.

Hi Kay,

Absolutely this powerful story has touched many people’s hearts.

I can’t even imagine what courage it would take after 30 years to leave and face the inner wounds – that takes incredible courage and commitment to yourself. You are and incredibly brave soul.

Please, please, please know you are not powerless in this situation Kay.

This I want to share with you and it is powerful – it transformed the relationship with my son years ago (he had been smashed by the narc abuse) and has transformed relationships with mother’s children throughout many people in this community – REGARDLESS of how bad the circumstances are.

This is what to do…

Through working with the goal setting Module in NARP (Transforming your life from the inside out) you can set the goal ‘My children being free, creating their truth and connecting back to love with me’…You may want to work on each child separately..

Then go into the resistance that you have. All the fears, all the concern, all the pain…and clear, clear, clear, clear and clear…until your vibration is one of peace, empowerment and KNOWING of the goal…it will feel like it ‘just is’..

Then see the miracles that start to take place in regards to your children..

The truth is our babies came out of our womb Kay – there is NO greater influence on children’s energy than through their mother…

Please, please, please I urge you to work with your children at this internal energetic level, and then you will produce results without ‘doing’ anything.

If you try to tackle this ‘on the outside’ you are powerless..and in fact your focus in feeling powerless only renders it MORE hopeless.

If you work with it on ‘the inside’ you are infinitely powerful.

You will see…..

Mel xo