What are the modules?
Thank you, Melanie. I recently found you on my podcast app. You have been a glimmer of hope in a life I never thought I would be living. I keep seeing myself 5 chapters ahead…happy… but my ex sucks me back in before I can truly move forward. I will see progress one day and joy in being the best mom I can be and then at night have nightmares that startle me awake and I start all over from square one trying to talk myself out of going back into the same patterns.
As hard as it was to survive each day walking on eggshells it was more normal & easier somehow. I want to believe this is my fault but each email you send is so spot on and comes exactly when I need it.

Simlar story indeed and my physical health problems started when my mum and my father were having problems. I was just a baby and after mum left him, I was rushed to hospital diagnosed with chronic asthma, nearly died and spent my childhood in hospital, even to the extent of being schooled there for a few months of every year, as I was so sick. My fighting spirit kept me strong and alive and the doctors were amazed at how I survived, as my condition was so bad, they didn’t think (on medical terms) that I was going to make it. During that time for me, my mother was suffering from the stress of leaving my father and his disorder (she was still in contact for a while after) and watching her daughter fight for life. There is a lot of history regarding my mum and it was not a great childhood for her, with my grandfather at war (WW2) and an alcoholic. She lost her mum at a young age too, from a stroke. More to her story, but I won’t post it here, respecting her privacy. Mum accomplished so much and has an amazing fighting spirit, very strong, very loving and an amazing woman. She reminds me of an elder, who has a sense of wisdom about her and she has a knowing of something when it is not right. She sensed something was off with my ex, the first day she met him. He was just too ‘over the top’ with everything and imbalanced. She is very intuitive.

RE the last paragraph, I was an active member of my gym and loved it, trained there all the time, was super fit, strong and looked amazing. I was more confident and didn’t have agraphobia or any of the issues I developed when ‘he’ came into my life. I had started a new job, with life going well for me. It had been a turning point for me as I had not long been out of a relationship with someone who had “OCD” with narc traits, and psychosis (although he was better to live with than my ex narc) and was actively seeking treatment for his illness. When my ex came into my life about 3 months after my ‘ocd’ relationship, it was all on. The ‘love bombing’, the insane attention he was giving me, the obsession with me, and so on. I was swept into a new world very quickly and I know it was because ‘I needed love and for someone to adore me’ among other reasons that had been a part of my childhood, and growing up without a dad, which of course attracted me to him, apart from his stunning looks. I was swept into a fantasy false world, just like in the movies. It turned out, I stopped going to the gym as often, spending copious amounts of time with him, ‘to please him’ and one night I was woken at 3am, as he needed to see me, because he was feeling off and scared. I rushed to the hospital where he said he was going and found out he was still at home (waited outside the hospital until 4.30am). His house was (30mins drive from my house), as he needed to see me badly, but didn’t tell me he was still there. I arrived and his sister was there (she was a narc also, (extreamly viscious woman), plus the ambulance and he was faking a stomach pain, just so I could be near him. The ambulance left as they said he had food poisoning. I didn’t get to my new job the next day and lost my job soon after, due to lack of attendance running to his needs all the time. I then moved in with him and the red flags started appearing. So getting back to my point, is I didn’t know what was playing out, and I didn’t respect myself enough to know I deserved more and it seemed normal for me. It was abuse I was used too and being an ‘over functioning empath’ my whole life, was thinking about his needs before my own. I started having health problems soon after and was hooked into a nightmare, but was so addicted to this man, I couldn’t bear to leave in-case of loosing everything, (what I thought was my whole life at the time, my wonderful future with this amazing man).

My intuition started telling me, something is not right here, but I stayed.

So sacrificing your life is what happens when we enmesh with a narc or disordered individual and no it is not worth it. When I found Mel, I realised so much and knew I loved my life too much to die, so I got out. It happened by chance as he was complaining about the neighbour being ‘mentally ill’ and I said something which triggered rage within him, which was my turning point. It confirmed everything I had learnt and I got out fast.

Life is so precious and I would not go back to that life for anything, never again. I love my simple life and embarking on a new journey which is very exciting and people like Mel, you Galeet and others make it worth fighting for. After all, life, nature, with all the beauty around us is worth every second of each moment and if I lost my home again today, I would still hold happiness and contentment in my heart for what I do have.

Love Jac xxx

Hi Jan,

What a great point, “you cannot live in his reality.” That could not be more true. Ironically, their reality is no reality at all. It’s all a false being and way of life.

I am sorry to hear about your 17 year old daughter, that must be hard for you. I do believe anyone can be helped. But I also know we cannot help other people, only ourselves. I love the quote, “think about how hard it is to change yourself, and then you realize what little chance you have of changing someone else.” I thought about that the whole time I was going through my recovery, it was months of agonizing tormenting pain that I couldn’t imagine someone else wanting to go through that. But it’s possible, and it’s so worth it when we do!

My advice to you, and I think Melanie will also agree with me, is to focus on your recovery. You will see when you start to change the relationship with your children will change. Melanie’s story is a perfect example of this, when she started to change her son also started to change. It was the same with me and my parents. As soon as I got better, my relationship with my parents got better.

Your daughter is going through her own journey and she has her own lessons in life to learn. We just have to focus on helping ourselves and then everything falls into place, I promise you that is true!

I really do hope you find a way to start Melanie’s program soon because I promise you you will start to feel, and then subsequently, see a difference in all areas of your life…especially in regards to your children!

All the best to you,

Galeet

Thank you, and thank you for sharing your story with me. You have been through quite the journey yourself. Good for you for picking up the pieces, wanting to understand and learn what happened to you and then doing something about it. A lot of people so easily want to avoid the pain in hopes that it will one day pass and they keep repeating the same pattern or end up with some life threatening disease, not realizing it’s connected to their emotional pain they suffered in their life.

We have a very similar story in regards to our mothers and physical health. I too lost a lot of my hair, I was always pale and had adrenal fatigue. It’s truly amazing how narcs can suck the life out of you without even realizing it. You start to believe there is some other factor causing it. I remember my ex-narc had back problems close to the end of our relationship and when nothing was working we decided to see an acupuncturist. I was having problems losing weight and my joints were always painful so I asked the acupuncturist if I could see her privately. When I went to my private session the following week, the first thing she asked me was, “are you happy in your relationship?” I wasn’t sure why she was asking me that, I did not think it had anything to do with my weight or joints. An acupuncturist is able to pick up on energy, that’s part of their job, they shift the blocks of energy in the body. It was interesting that she was able to pick up on the energy in my relationship while she was working on my ex-narc’s back, while also knowing the cause of my physical health had to do with my relationship.

My mother has also suffered in regards to her relationships. I do not think my father had a personality disorder, but I do think he has narcissistic qualities (my parents have been divorced since I was 4 years old). After learning about narcissism, I started to see those qualities in my father very apparently. I always saw similar qualities between my ex-narc and my father, but I never imagined it was to that extent! My mother has also suffered greatly; she is in her mid-50’s and completely shattered emotionally and physically. I sometimes feel like I am taking care of a 90 year old woman. She’s too young to feel the way she does. But I think it’s tough for her to do something about it, she would rather avoid the pain. The connection between a child and a mother is very strong. Melanie advised me several months ago to set the goal on my mp3 “release and heal my mother’s pain” and I did. Like you said, I think through our energy we can help our parents.

Writing all this just reminds me of how grateful we both should be we are no longer with narcissists. We both have a chance at a better and healthier life. I sometimes think I was given a second chance at life and I was reborn. And although I look the same (except much healthier) and still have the same personality, I feel like a completely different person inside. Anyone that is in a relationship with a narcissist (or any other type of unhealthy relationship), needs to ask themselves, “What is my life worth?” because truly you are sacrificing your life for someone else in this version of ‘love’. Nothing is worth that.

Lots of love to you Jac,

Galeet

None of the material stuff matters to me now and I am being true to myself, enjoying living very simply, and with minimal possessions. I enjoy being alone (always have) and like to be able to be amongst nature, sitting on my modest couch, reading a good book, painting or just being present in the moment.

I feel sorry for my poor mum, but she is a survivor too and I hope to be able to help her too with my new energy and I hope she can find a way to break through the years of abuse and pain, that is still inside her. I would like to see her grow into her old age peacefully, knowing she did the best she could at the time. We are very close and we sense each other pain on a phenomanal level, so my new energy may transfer to her at some stage along the way.

Material possessions are not important and I would rather have very little, living truth, than living a life that is not real surrounded by stuff, that truly doesn’t make us happy.

xx

I must say living through narc abuse was incredibly difficult and I too had a string of narc relationships, always ending up a total right off for what it did to me each time, it is a wonder I am still here to tell the story of how I survived. The last day and night of my relationship was nearly the end for me and thankfully I had found Melanie about a month ago before what I call the night that brought me to my knees. The small amount of work I had done by listening to a QF session from the radio show, and all the reading to understand what was playing out with the narc, saved my life. I picked myself up and moved out of the unit the next day. I was only about 50kgs,(had lost 5), lost a lot of my hair, was pale and physically the life had been sucked out of me. I had adrenal fatigue to the point of nearly having a heart attack, chest pain, and I was just a mess.

I tried every holistic treatment available, tried so many potions and lotions, vitamins, anti stress herbs, Chinese meds, went to many natural paths and only ended up getting sicker, plus poorer. So I bought NARP and I am half way through a complete transformation for the abuse. I found that digging into my soul and my past has helped me to understand why I had so many physical ailments and I too had swollen joints, arthritus (still have osteo in my back and knee, from a degenerative genetic disease) but my really horrific symptoms have gone. I eat super foods, essential greens, olive leaf extract,coconut oils, and just good wholesome foods. I am also nourishing my inner self with the wonderful healing of QF.

Your story is an inspiration and I do know we can all move toward the brightest light, but we have to get off our butts, make an effort, work diligently with ourselves, take the time needed and break a lot of bad patterns that don’t serve us and have been ingrained into us since childhood. I grew up with just my mum as my dad is a high level NPD, diagnosed when I was 2. My mum has been wonderful but followed narc relationships which I lived through as a child.

Big ((((hug)))) and lots of love to you, and thank you for your courage and sharing. xxx

I want to thank you, Mel, for your work. It has helped get through this past year. When I can afford anything at all I will purchase your program. But for now I look forward to your email.

With love, Jan

Hi Gina,

Thank you for the kind words.

Yes, you’re right, it is very easy to give up and lose hope. At one point I remember wishing I was a narcissist because then I do not have to feel anything.

What was interesting is that it was the pain that kept me going. I knew I had to do something to stop feeling the way I did so it forced me to find some way of doing that. And I truly believe that what we ask for in life we receive, we just need to have faith and patience.

I agree with you, no one will understand what at toll it takes on your life unless they go through it. And the sad part is most people do not have the awareness that they were in a relationship with a narcissist. I didn’t for nearly 5 years. And had I not felt the way I did I probably would have never gone looking for the answers.

But once we are able to label what happened it makes it easier for us to find the tools that will address it.

I too am glad you found this site and Melanie!

Galeet