Comments on: Unhealthy Modelling – How We Find Ourselves In Narcissistic Relationships

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Mon, 20 Dec 2021 05:29:06 +0000

Hi Dandylion,

please know what you are feeling is what so many of us were terrified about too.

The very fact that you are questioning this means you aren’t.

Have you googled my name plus “Am I the narcissist?” to get clearer on this?

Also I cant recommend working with NARP enough to powerfully and directly heal http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp and if you are please come into the NARP Member’s Forum for extra support. It will make a world of difference to your healing http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

I hope that this can help you

Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Shelly D.

Shelly D. — Fri, 17 Dec 2021 04:46:39 +0000

Dear Trish,you have been very brave and strong.You should be proud of yourself.It’s great that you got a new house and have the support of good children.You sound totally on target.Don’t make the mistake of going back !!!.

By: Bells

Bells — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 15:49:46 +0000

In reply to Dandylion. For you to have so much insight and self-awareness, you are definitely not a narcissist, hun. Sending you love and healing xoxo

By: Trish Feifer

Trish Feifer — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 08:39:21 +0000

My parents were good people. They were not the reason I blamed myself for not feeling good about myself. I was molested by my grandfather, my Dad’s father at the age of 7. I could never tell my parents as I loved my father and grandmother and didn’t want to hurt their feelings. This affected me my whole life and I always went overboard doing things for people to erase my guilt. I married my high school sweetheart , had 3 beautiful children, but the marriage ended 32 years later. He became an alcoholic for the last ten years. I accepted his verbal abuse and stayed til the kids were on their own and he was retired. A few years later I met a man who had been divorced when his children were small. I fell in love with him and remained significant others for 25 years. He carried a lot of baggage with his ex wife and I was sympathetic and tried to help with his relationship with his children whom I liked. We enjoyed doing the same things and took lots of trips for which I am grateful. But he did have a mean streak occasionally which was verbally abusive. If I dared to criticize him he became verbally abusive and wouldn’t speak to me for a day or so. Then things would be okay for awhile. This happened many times over the 25 years we were together. I accepted it until the end when it was affecting my relationship with my children. The final incident when he told me to get out was actually over his kids not following his orders. I felt badly for them and walked out. I went to my daughter’s and spent the night. I probably would have gone back til I found out he blamed me for the whole thing and wanted his son to help him put all my furniture out on the street. I finally realized it was over. We had a family meeting with my kids and we sent a note to his son about getting clothing, pills and a list of personal things from the house. His son was very accommodating as we had always had a good relationship. We made 3 trips to the house over a period of 3 months without his being there, just his kids who were very nice to me and my kids. I have had to endure his hateful emails demeaning me for everything. I have never answered any of the emails. I am only in contact with his kids. It has been 8 months with no contact. I bought a house and am starting my life over. I had never heard the term, Narcicist, but have discovered through all Melanie’s posts that is probably what my significant other is. We had many good times together, but I can’t endure the hurt anymore.
Thank you Melanie for all of your encouraging posts. I am still healing, but I am doing better. Thanks also to my kind and supportive kids. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you.

By: Nancy Chomicz

Nancy Chomicz — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 07:29:38 +0000

I sure understand Dandylion and feel like i’m the covert narcissist also. I’ve never heard anyone address my situation. I grew up with very loving parents, brother, relatives, church people, school people, college and work people in various states in the US. Our 50’s and 60’s attitude was ‘Do your best, be kind, be thankful, be accepting, be appreciative, love God and Jesus.’ Then, my mind started to ‘unknowingly play tricks’ on me from age 30-70 with ‘spiritual manic episodes’ with lots of hospitalizations and going out on Long Term Disability for 20 years, after 20 years of a perfect Research Biology career. I’m now 74. At age 44, I had ‘radical waking memories’ of being 3 in the crib and my Dad ‘coming in my mouth’ when I took it in my little hands. This was so ‘out of character’ for this sweet souled gardener fisherman wrestler personality. Sadly, it was more ‘out of curiosity.’ No intentions to hurt me. And, it ‘split my intense heartache’ up to my ‘head’ and I’ve spent decades re-aligning my energy and mind. Not fun. Dad ended up drinking, going to a rehab center and was always kind. We were ‘contently silent’ and never once had a conversation. Never one hug with him, ok, one, when he was in his 60’s and he told me he loved me, 3 months before he died at 62. Our family was loving and respectful and felt no need to hug. It actually felt ideal. And, as an adult, I ended up ‘screaming for attention’ and when I got no attention, it made me scream even more, not even knowing why I was so angry. Hence I had no friends, nor did I want them. I was happier being alone and traveled the world. To me, ‘Everyone is doing the best they can OR we’d all be doing something else’ and thus, everyone is AS genuine AS they can be. AS happy AS they can be. AS loving AS they can be … based on our upbringing, our parent’s upbringing, education, culture ideas and life experiences.. OR … we’d all have been doing something else. True or true. This has always been my Essene (Jesus) Way of Life. Now, that i’m ready to become ‘visible’ and ‘Take a Stand’ for me, I’m finding it odd that I can be calm AND be visible. Seems like a weird combo. Yet Motivational Speakers are all ‘in control’ and never seem to be ‘out of control’, so, I know that I can ‘Re-train my brain’ and ‘Re-wire my mind’ to FEEL even better about myself and have them be my Role Models. I just released deep feeling of self-hate and being EVIL and even ‘judging God as EVIL’, which conflicts with my ‘knowing of the Creator’. Now, I feel I’m on the road to greatness. My body is having a hard time keeping up as I gain more ideas, and, if not me creating my own magnificence, then who? If not you, then who? If not us, then who? I’m BORED with hearing ‘blame, shame, guilt, fear’. I’m excited when people become 100% of themselves as others are 100% and they ‘meet in the middle’ being accountable. Yes or yes.

By: Chrissy

Chrissy — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 07:15:48 +0000

From what I have read from Melanie, a narcissist would not even bother to self evaluate themselves at all they feel perfect nothing to change here, so the fact that you are even questioning your self and your behaviour just means you know there’s more to you. That’s my understanding x

By: Fay

Fay — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 07:11:56 +0000

Dandylion
No you are not the narc!,!….you wouldnt be asking yourself those questions if you were
. Self refection is not one of their virtues…..very confused😅😅
,BUTnot narcissistic?? ,,,,,,,

Look inside yourself,every day and find at least THREE GOOD things every day and write them down,meditate on these Lovely attributes.
In the Bible,New .testament, book ,Philippians chapter 4 verse 8, somes it all up🙏

Keep following Melanie, she has heaps of good advice,having experienced it All herself……NOW her “” Thrivers” too…..keep going ,little steps,you will eventually grasp it all…. And Turn the Corner 🙋🙋🙋
Much Love and encouragement

By: Karla

Karla — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 06:37:01 +0000

I am hoping to see an answer to your question as I spent 38 years of my life with narcissistic people and I feel the same way when I read articles about it.
Is it me.

By: Dandylion

Dandylion — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 03:35:14 +0000

Sometimes I worry that IM the narcissist!
In the transcript, you describe the covert narcissist. Complaining, whining, blaming…
Ive had at least five narcissists in my life and the trauma that came with those relationships. So, naturally, I complain about them. I “tell my story”, rehash terrible incidences, want to discuss what happened and what no one understands… (mainly with my best friend who is patient but might feel I am sucking her energy:(
I dont do this ALL the time and I know that those habits are not leading me toward healing. I have a long way to go. Sometimes I feel I will never heal from some of it. I think I have PTSD. But that doesnt mean it isnt my responsibility to pursue self-partnering and healing.
But, this covert narcissist thing worries me.
Can a narcissist EVER find themselves being abused by another narcissist?? Is that even possible? Because if not, then I cannot be a narcissist! When I think of the narcissists in my life, I cannot picture any of them being manipulated, abused, or heartbroken. I think to myself that all the insane, painful experiences that Ive had are PROOF that Im co-dependent and seeking “healing” through others who only repeat the behaviors that wounded me to begin with. A narcissist would NEVER keep trying and giving more and being manipulated.
Am I just a selfish, immature, navel-gazing, irresponsible narcissist?
Im tired and lonely and trying to grow and heal. But sometimes I just feel so stuck and trapped by how I must seem to others: a victim who has made poor choices and is underdeveloped and unworthy of respect.
On top of all that, am I actually a narcissist??