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One of the most disturbing things about narcissistic abuse is that it often comes after you, even as you sleep.

Just when you think you can get some relief from the aching torment of your waking life, the trauma insidiously finds its way into your dreams.

Giving you nightmares.

And they are horrible, filled with emotional content, charges and trauma.

What do they mean?

In this episode, I want to share what they mean and how to heal yourself so you will no longer experience these awful narcissistic dreams.

And this is important because we may not have realised that the power of our dreams (including our nightmares) is working FOR us.

What I mean by this is …  they are helping release us to our newest, most healed version of ourselves …

Because our nightmares show us what we haven’t yet processed through to completion in our waking life – traumas that our subconscious is desperately trying to get our attention about.

So that we can meet them, let go, heal and move on to our True Life.

And in this episode, I help you understand, with a bit of exercise, how you can start to do that.

I sincerely wish that you find the key, as I and many Thrivers have, to unlock your healing and never experience a narcissistic nightmare again.

 

 

Video Transcript

Hi, and welcome to Thriver TV, the place to break free from narcissistic abuse with Quanta tools and understandings. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

Welcome to sunny Darwin, where I’m holidaying at the moment.  I just wanted to drop in and share this Thriver TV episode with you because it’s an important one.

One of the most disturbing things I believe about narcissistic abuse is that it often comes after you, even as you sleep. Just when you think you’ll get some relief from the aching torment of your waking life by being asleep, the trauma insidiously finds its way into your dreams.

These dreams are generally heart-wrenching and traumatic, and they’re horribly confusing. They’re emotionally charged and traumatising.

So what do these nightmares mean?

In this episode, I want to share what they mean and how to heal and release these narcissistic nightmares from your experience.

The nightmares from narcissistic abuse were horrible, and my heart goes out to you if you’re suffering from this. It really can feel like that movie series from the eighties, Nightmare on Elm Street, and if you fall asleep, Freddy Krueger will get you.

I vividly remember those movies, and it is like that. It is that bad.  The nightmares for some people, myself included, were so bad that we tried not to sleep because it seemed like this was when the narcissists could psychically attack and infiltrate us the most.

So for those of you who go through this, it is beyond horrible having the sanctity of your sleep disturbed with the possibility of traumatising narcissistic nightmares.  It is so tough that we wonder if our psyche will ever be truly free from it.

However, I want you to understand the Quanta truth of life, that life is happening for us and not to us. There is a purpose to these nightmares working in our favour and efforting to release us to our next highest and grandest version of who we are.

 

How Nightmares Get Our Attention

This is what I believe profoundly about nightmares. They help us to process the stuff that we may not be facing or healing conclusion in our waking life, which is tricky. In standard narcissistic abuse recovery, we believe that without contact with a narcissist, we detach from them and everything about them, including our thoughts and feelings. We try to get on with it and leave them behind in our dust as we attempt to fill our life with positive things.

Absolutely this is better for us than staying stuck in the toxic enmeshment of obsessing and trying to force accountability and the repeat compounding of the other soul-destroying things we do to ourselves when we are still hooked and attached to narcissists.

Yet just getting on with it and trying to detach from our inner trauma is not what Thriver Recovery is all about because that model for intense trauma seldom works.

Generally, all it means is that even if you physically leave the narcissist, your original trauma, which was the wounds that the narcissist was able to hook you and hurt you with, still living inside you. They’re still generating narcissistic abuse symptoms and often still causing nightmares while you sleep.

This is the part about how the nightmares work for us. We may not realise until we wake up from the human trance that we’ve all been submerged in that there is a gift and an evolution from narcissistic abuse.

We only get to heal once we do the inner work and take that gift. Our soul is so insistent that this is the grand plan to evolve and heal those parts of ourselves that were holding us back from being our true selves. The as-yet unhealed trauma will keep screaming to get our attention until we do.

Maybe we can still get on with our lives without realising that we’re self-avoiding and self-abandoning our inner trauma. Or perhaps we can’t get on with life anymore because the trauma inside is so intense. But one thing is for sure, the anxiety, the depression, the triggers and the nightmares are all continuing to get us to turn inwards to come home to ourselves.

They are there to get our attention. Before I knew how to truly self-partner and use the Quanta tool, Quanta Freedom Healing, to heal my traumas, I used to try to work it out cognitively. As an outstanding diligent self-development student, I wanted to meet myself by journaling my nightmares.

However, I didn’t realise that I wasn’t actually meeting and shifting the trauma and transforming it into something else. Rather it was simply regurgitating inside me. I love that expression, “We have to work it out.” Because it means up and out to release and rid ourselves of it.

We can’t work it out logically because the trauma doesn’t live there. It lives in our body, and we can only work it out and release it at that location.

 

 

Identifying Patterns in Our Nightmares

Back in the day, when I used my analytical attempts to heal, I recognised patterns in my nightmares. One of these was the narcissist coming after me, and I’d be running through a neighbourhood with houses burning and blowing up into a place to hide and get away from him, and then the walls would start collapsing in on me.

Back then, I tried to use affirmations to heal my trauma. Still, my trauma was not having any part because the deep primal survival programs responsible for 95% of my life were screaming within me, “Life will annihilate me. He will destroy me. I’m not safe anywhere or with anyone. It’s not possible to be myself and survive and be safe.”

My teeny 5% capacity of mind logic was trying to change deep-cemented inner identity and traumatic subconscious programs. It was like putting a tiny scoop of ice cream on a massive pile of poop. There’s a visual for you.

Of course, it was the Wrong Town. It was totally ineffective. No matter how hard I tried, the nightmares continued, as did my trauma symptoms.  Eventually when I fully stepped onto the Quanta healing path and had Quanta Freedom Healing as my go-to tool for releasing trauma and healing my subconscious programs. I went straight to these traumas, loaded them up and released them, and replaced them one by one until I didn’t have them anymore.

In fact, my beliefs became my true self, the exact opposite of these previous ones. I was released into life in a bigger and better way than ever, even before the abuse. I was free, and never again did I have any dreams of being in a hell zone.

There was another reoccurring nightmare, similar to the one I’ve mentioned above on feeling unsafe, that I know so many people have suffered in this community.

In this dream, the narcissist replaces you. Sorry, it’s a total nightmare to be replaced. Somebody else, being in the narcissist life, having the dream life with them, having the love, the house, the lifestyle, even being with the pets and the kids you shared together, that sort of thing.

I remember how heartbreaking and devastating I felt when I had those nightmares. I know many of you have or are experiencing it too.

With a narcissist, we assign this person as a false source to grant us love, approval, security, or survival.  The thought of somebody else taking our head away and getting the goodies feels like literal emotional annihilation. I often had this dream until I went inside my body and found, released, and healed the young, underdeveloped parts of myself that were full of trauma and did not believe they could be whole and survive independently.

Then again, these dreams stopped.  I worked with the message and was released to the next higher version of myself, no longer carrying these wounds.

 

Self-Partnering Your Way Through Trauma

Let’s do a little exercise to help you start self-partnering to evolve your gift and be free of your nightmares. Non-NARPers and NARPers alike, you can partake in this.

So all you need to do is think of your last nightmare and close your eyes-just. The intention is enough. You don’t need to go into the logical details of the nightmare. Your body will listen to your directions.

You can say to yourself,
 

“Somewhere in my body is a trauma relating to my nightmare. Now somewhere in my body will light up and show me where it is.”

 

All you need to do is trust this. You will feel a dense energy or a painful charge somewhere, even if it’s very subtle.

For those who aren’t NARP members yet, you can do this little exercise with any dream you’ve had from a narcissist.

When you wake up from a nightmare, commit yourself to turn toward instead of away from your traumatised inner being and you’re going to go directly within to love, heal, and help.

This starts with you saying, “I bless and accept this feeling.”

Rather than disliking or disowning it, it’s got to get louder and more ferocious to get your attention.

When we turn toward it, we can now understand the Quanta truth that everything is on repeat. This means that trauma cannot come into our existence unless there’s a matching trauma within because the Quanta law is so within, so without. We are born with a lot of these traumas.

We get them epigenetically from the traumatic human experience that our forebears suffered. So the ultimate reality truth right now is, because of this nightmare, there is an opportunity to find something, self-partner with it and heal it and release me from it.

Okay, so after you wake up and feel the trauma, open your body, relax and breathe and ask yourself, where do I feel this trauma?

So is it in my heart? Is it in my throat? Is it in the pit of my stomach? Is it on the top of my shoulders? Is it so big that I feel it everywhere? Trust, even if it’s subtle, and don’t be scared.

Then I want you to imagine being with it, breathing into it, and accepting that part of yourself rather than turning away.

Now, imagine opening up at the top of your crown, releasing that trauma up and out of yourself, and opening up space within.

Tap into a pipeline to a big ball of source energy, light, and the source healing and resolution of this, which is your superconscious. Which is creation, the universe, source, God, whatever you want to call that higher power, who can heal what we limited humans can’t heal by ourselves.

Imagine bringing that in, filling this space with pure light and love, and replacing this space that was previously filled with trauma.

Then take note, if you feel relief, take note, if all of a sudden you have awareness and wisdom in you, effectively filling the space where the trauma previously was. That’s exactly what happens when we resolve it energetically, and then when we are in the source, we automatically organically evolve and become who we indeed are.

This stuff that I teach you and I share with you, I didn’t read it or learn it anywhere. I released trauma, brought in a source, and organically woke up and remembered who I already am. That’s what we can all do. That’s where our wisdom truly is. It’s not taught or learned; it already is without trauma.

 

Conclusion

So what I just shared with you is a very simplified version of the entire Quanta Freedom Healing process, which NARP members use. I just shared some of the advanced protocols, energy signatures missing, and DNA load-ups.

However, in many cases, even this simple exercise can help grant you healing, upleveling, evolution and relief. If these are deep epigenetic past life complicated survival program traumas, you may need more extensive artillery. You might need Quanta Freedom Healing to deal with it.

For those on the NARP program, you can take it to module one, the shortened version, and clear everything you are tapping into that you’re feeling in your body.

Or use the goal-setting module and set up the source healing and resolution of this, which simply means you will replace that previous trauma with the source. Source knows how to heal this better than we could ever dream it up ourselves, better than even any goal we could set as our intention.

The source healing and resolution is our biggest surrender into our more authentic selves. So if you set that up as the goal and keep clearing all of your trauma till you reach 10 out of 10, I promise there be no more nightmares.

The message has been delivered, and the up-level has happened. It no longer needs to be in your life to get your attention. Not only are you released and relieved of those, but you will also go up massive levels in many areas of your life where those previous traumas were holding you back from being your truest and best self.

It is such a gift. When people always ask me, “What do I do with the nightmares that I’m having? I’m having constant nightmares. What do I do?”

The real-life simple answer is the same as all of our traumas. We go to them directly in our body, we load them up, we release them, we bring in source, we midwife from our breakdowns, our survival programs into our breakthroughs into pure creation and space in ourselves and who we really are. That’s the answer to all of it.

I hope that that’s really helped. Please scroll down and join in the conversation by adding your comment.

Until the next little video and Thriver TV episode from Darwin because I will be here for another few weeks. Until then, you know what to do.

Keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do. That’s it from me.

Lots of love. Bye-bye.

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Commments (39) + Leave a comments

39 thoughts on “What To Do When The Narcissist Infiltrates Your Dreams

  1. Hello. I keep having a recurring nightmare of running through a dark forest holding the hand of a small child. Someone is pursuing me and i feel sheer terror.
    I feel we are running for our lives.

    I grew up with a cruel, controlling father but a wonderful, loving mother. I do not have many memories of my childhood.
    Is it possible that I am still tramautatised by my father despite the fact I am in my 50’s and live in another country ?
    What might help?

    Thank you for your insights and blessings, Sabrina

    1. Hi Sabrina,

      Oh gosh yes. Unattended to trauma inside us doesn’t go away – it lives on, until we go to it and heal it.

      What helped me and so many people in his Community is Quanta Freedom Healing https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/services/quanta-healing-explained.htm and specifically the healing program the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

      You are very welcome Sabrina and continued blessings to you.

      Mel xo

    2. I just woke up from a long extremely vivid dream about my narcissistic ex gf. I was leaving work and one of my coworkers said “there’s a girl asking for and waiting for you outside”. She was waiting for me as if she did this everyday yet that never happened.. we were still broken up in the dream but she had just turned up after ghosting discard as if everything was normal. We were catching public transport home and another coworker was on the bus and she was devalueing and belittling me in front of them. My coworker joined in putting me down..

      I called her a narcissist and got off the bus, she was yelling at me from across the road and laughing at me “see everyone can see clearly how crazy you are! Loser!”

      I don’t know what this means.. we’ve been broken up for near 6 months after ghosting me after 5 and a half years together. I’m with someone else now.

      What a head….

  2. Hi, My dreams are always ones where I’m back in ‘my’ house (he now lives in there with the woman he had an affair with). The relationship was for 16 years and I’ve been out for 1 year and 8 months. He does still ‘quietly’ stalks which doesn’t help with my healing. I have had the police involved and for about 3 weeks I felt freer then 2 days ago he popped up again and then the dreams start up again.

    In the dream/nightmares I’m packing and he is either laughing at me or trying to have the last moments of sex or rubbing my nose in the fact hes with this woman. As I walk/run though the house… I feel the strong feelings of rejection in my gut/solar plexus sometimes running to my chest… Then when I wake up this feeling is so strong, feelings of anxiety and panic. Sometimes I have woken up crying. The feelings are so real and that is how I remember feeling being in the relationship – living in fear of his next mood, abandoning me, giving me the silent treatment etc. As I’m typing I can feel the strong tight feelings in my chest and its hard to breath…

    I do miss my house, cat, step-daughter, and the luxuries that I had with my ex. I struggle now but I know deep down I’m am free… The dreams are awful and very emotionally provoking.

    I love your work Melanie, I listen to your radio shows, read your work and watch your videos… I find your voice very calming too, lots of love xoxoxox

    1. Hi Debbie,

      The dreams are very similar to the ones I had – and YES they are SO real when they happen! Eerily so …

      Debbie have you considered taking the healing work deeper to get free from this?

      I’d love you to come into my free workshop where you get to experience Quanta Freedom Healing personally .. and how you CAN powerfully detox the trauma of him and the nightmares from your being – so that it just isn’t there any more.

      You can experience this here: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I am so glad I have been able to help and comfort you Debbie – and I am keen to help you know there is a whole other level of healing available to you – where you are no longer just “managing” wounds, but where you can live truly free of them.

      Because that is what Thriving really is!

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  3. Your video came at just the perfect time. Last night I had a horrible dream of a sexual nature about my narcissistic husband. I woke up feeling so miserable. I checked my email and watched your video. Thank you!! I am a narp member, but I seem to have trouble shifting. Any suggestions?
    Thank you so much for all you do. You are a lifesaver!

  4. Dear Melanie,

    Thank you for answering all the comments.

    I don’t know whether you have experienced this, or whether it is normal or not, and I know that compared to the stories of the many people here being narcissistically abused by a classmate is not as horrendous as I have made it to be…but the thing is although I rarely have dreams which are related to the narcisist, most of the times I wake up with a suffocating pain in my chest combined with palpitation, and the only thing I can do is to sit around waiting for it to go away in a matter of hours. Nothing else, not even trying to release the pain and replace it with the Source energy works. I honestly don’t know what to do.

    Love,
    Maryam

    1. Hi Maryam,

      you are so welcome 🙂

      Are you working with Quanta Freedom Healing or another energy modality that has the ability to pick up, load up and release the trauma?

      I truly have never met a trauma that can’t be met and released with QFH. And if that process is blocked, then there is a need to find and release the block to get to it – that’s all.

      Mel xo

      1. I’ve watched and worked with a couple of your “Shifts Happen” episodes. I guess I have to look for and find the blocks as you said…

    2. Could be sleep apnea or some other medical disorder. You should probably let your doctor know what’s going on.

  5. Thanks Mel! This was so timely for me. My ex-n recently sent me a letter saying he really wanted to talk to me after over a year of no contact. I knew It was a hoovering attempt and I maintained no contact but still kept thinking about it for over a month, wondering what he wanted to talk about and feeling tempted to contact him.

    I knew he would say his marriage is bad and he should have stayed with me etc. (that is what he implied in th letter) and I knew it would be just be an attempt to get supply from me. So I still maintained no contact but then I started dreaming about him every night. Thankfully in my dreams I was trying to get away from him, but yuck, that’s not a pleasant way to start the day!! So I took it to Module one because I knew my sub-conscious mind was working on the issue and it helped!! I learned this from you Mel!! Then I saw your video and felt so glad that there is an option besides falling into the trap of contacting him. I’m going to take this to the goal setting Module as well because I’m still feels my a psychic tug. Thank you Mel. Enjoy your Holiday! Barb in Cincy

    1. Hi Barb,

      that is so wonderful you took this to Module 1 and released it!

      I am so happy for you that you are now using the key to rid yourself of these …

      Thank you Barb and I will 🙂

      Mel xo

  6. I used to get nightmares where I am screaming because no one will listen to me or acknowledge me. I become so frustrated that I scream and then they lock me up in an asylum where I am begging the attendants to listen to my plight and how it is not me that should be locked up. I then become frustrated with the attendants for not listening and scream at them.
    I then wake up feeling very tired and frustrated and realise I am still carrying the need to be heard and acknowledged from my childhood.
    I spend the whole day carrying this horrid emotion with me.
    The family still do not acknowledge or have any idea what they have done to me and take no responsibility and still worship the narc leader my middle sister. I go no contact now and am better for it.

  7. Mel this is a timely and gorgeous post. I have been travelling for a few days with my daughter sorting things out for her wedding and all sorts of the usual narcissistic pattern of behaviour has popped up with her father. She has been a combination of hurt but also annoyed that my predictions of his behaviour have been spot on (thank you NARP for clarity!). As these things involved trying to force contact with his bullying partner this has felt threatening to our children who have remained dignified but hurt. Last night I dreamt about such a social situation with conflicting emotions and during my dream I was standing to one side beckoning to my ego as it started getting caught up in the drama, and I was smiling and saying “come on, bring it on, we have got this”.
    My strongest memory of the dream now is one of peace, of being in control and smiling with the experience of being OK, more than OK.
    Without NARP this would not have happened, but after working with the program consistently do that it becomes good daily habit (like cleaning my teeth) I even have a dreaming NARP!
    When you first start NARP it feels overwhelming and as it asks that you embrace your feelings before releasing and healing them it is exhausting. But just like training for a marathon or learning a new language or a musical instrument slowly bit by bit it gets easier and you start to look forward to your practicing and you focus much more on the joy of release and achievement. Then, as I discovered last night, it has become such good practice that you draw upon it whenever you need it, even in your sleep!
    I have always said that this is a life program for healthy emotional living Melanie and I remain absolutely convinced of this, especially as I can now dream in NARP! Yay!!! ???❤️

    1. Hi Jan,

      I am so pleased you enjoyed it!

      How cool that you have a dreaming NARP … I LOVE that 🙂

      Thank you for your gorgeous and inspirational post Jan!!

      You are doing such an amazing job.

      Mel xoxox

  8. Hi JanW,

    I loved your post and am so happy to hear how your perseverance with NARP has paid off, feeling now like one of those ‘good daily habits’ for living well and living powerfully. Thank you for your authenticity in expressing this process because healing and getting to thriving is really not a cake walk. So, your success inspires me! I started NARP last year, then stopped (from that experience of overwhelm) then started again a few months ago with a vengeance. Your analogies were so perfect since each one requires an innate need for a teacher/mentor/guide along with self determination, focus and and stamina over a bit of time. NARP and Mel and the NARP community give us the former and then the latter is on us. But what a payoff and hope we are gifted with when we work this program!

    Before NARP, I had lived a decade of confusion and resentment – major victimhood, confusion and experiencing my external world crumble completely – utter hopelessness. My internal (unconscious) emotional landscape needed a Medevac airlift and ICU. I could not stop my own hemorrhaging and stabilize myself with my mind anymore. Thanks to NARP I can now start feeling the light that sees peace and success within myself – building from the outside-in energetically. Perseverance + the RIGHT guidance is THE success formula. I continue to persevere – but with confidence 🙂 Thanks Mel for sharing your bounty 🙂 xxooxx

  9. Dearest Melanie,

    I am having nightmares and am unable to separate the trauma of my Stage 4 cancer diagnosis which was accompanied by discard after 5+ years of life with a NPD/BPD. He is not aware of how sick I became at the time of his abandonment.

    Is there a definitive way to separate the two traumas?

    Thanks,
    Cindy

    1. Hi Cindy,

      sending you love and healing.

      The truth is you may not wish to. When we use QFH in the NARP Program to find and purge trauma – including that which has generated dis-ease – we can find it is all deeply connected.

      Your inner being will reveal, unravel and release with the use of Quanta Freedom Healing whatever trauma is necessary to create freedom from trauma and space for healing to enter.

      Does the make sense?

      If you are on NARP I would also love to highly suggest to you being in the Member’s Forum https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member to get support and coaching through your healing journey

      I hope this helps Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

  10. Hi Melanie,

    I have been off and on with my NARP for 12 years. When he gives me the silent treatment for doing something “wrong” or if I try to enforce the No Contact he will always show up in my dreams. I read a few other posts and it sounds like people are having nightmares about their NARP, but I do not. The dream may not even be about the NARP but he will be present in the dream. Or I am having intimate dreams about him that sometimes seems so real after I wake up. Can your dreams about the NARP be positive (so to speak)? I am really glad I found this blog and also your YouTube video about this because I have been wondering why this always happens to me.

    Thank you

    1. Hi Alysa,

      thank you for our post.

      Just to clarify NARP is the acronymn for The Narcisistic Abuse Recovery Program. Narc is what you are saying?

      I really beleive the dreams we may have are always telling us something. If positive, is this the experience you wish to happen, yet in real life isn’t the truth?

      It is our real life that is the determenent.

      Mel xo

  11. Hi Melanie!

    I’m having the opposite happen where I keep having dreams about the good times. Where he is being really nice and sweet, and it feels GOOD that he’s treating me that way. In reality, he is still treating me horribly. Why is that?

  12. Dear Melanie,
    I think you are brilliant and i thank you so much for your help and love.
    I get a lot of help from info your about Narc abuse and healing from it, although I have a question:

    If my narc never really did the insults and the belittling and was always only love bombing (6 years) but disappeared on a regular basis due to drug addiction and was always late, always future faked and idealized me, is he a narcissist?
    Does it matter?
    I was destroyed by the experience I had with him in many many ways.
    I did have the crazy dreams of conversational confusion years ago when i was finally deciding it didn’t matter what happened, i couldn’t listen to the excuses and long explanations anymore about the no shows, the confusion, the lies, the cancellations, the relapses, the lack of detail regarding where he was and what he was doing, unless i asked.
    I lived in REAL terror that he would die, all the while feeling frantically abandoned and enraged.
    We would reconnect thousands of times, then it would happen again. I would be supportive, he would get serious help and then disappear again.
    For the first few years i didnt know about the drug addiction.
    I was completely in love w this beautiful man who had a horrific childhood etc.
    But then years later i started to notice something else was going on, it seemed he wanted to see my tears, my confusion, my emotions, like THAT was a drug as well…But he didnt do the verbal abuse and belittling, at all. (THAT IS What MY Father always did ) But this man was always sweet in his words, yet he drove me insane because the same conversations/arguments/lies over and over.
    Most people would say that is the drug addict, but i felt something else going on.
    He is very good looking and extremely likable.
    He always needed other peoples attention, even just for a minute. Even if I was in serious conversation with him.
    If we were alone, it was fine, but often, not always, he would have to chat up the waitress or waiter or whatever even if i was crying. That was enraging. Maybe he was high.
    Another thing was he always showed up in clothes and accessories that were different. ( like a chameleon) I never understood where he got the clothes etc. He always said his brother but I didnt believe him. Im finally strong enough to see that he lived a double life and despite all the time we shared and all the promises made, nothing changed. ( He still texts me the same promises, but i never respond) It was very sad, in many ways. He says its all because of the drugs and there was no other women or secrets. That could be true, but even still, it was no way to live. Thanks for listening. Its the private confusion and guilt i still deal with because he still professes love, and Ii totally loved him, so its a case of needing to be extremely strong, and im doing it. Plus the fact i do not trust him at all, and I believe he is the type to have a harem. But he says he is with no one, still. I believe he has several disorders.

  13. Yes, dreams i had in the aftermath of N relationship were really emotionaly charged everytime. Id like to share my last dream since it was a gift and a big trigger for me to start NARP. The dream was of closure when i told my ex Sociopathic Narc girlfriend everything. In the dream she was in the company of her best girlfriend who she used for triangulation purposes and her main flying monkey. (They had a secret lesbian relationship i wasnt aware of). So in this dream i had so much illusive closure that we all craved for after sudden discard that was truly shocking expirience for me. I told her that i know who and what she was, how she manipulated, lied, gaslighted etc…In one moment i told her to remove the Mask ( what a divine gift this dream was), so she did. Beneath was her puppet like face with tiny mirrors instead of eyeballs. I looked straight into them and told her “see, you dont even exist, theres no soul behind your eyes”. She was pissed ( i was so confident and happy in my dream when confronted her for everything) and her and her girfriend left the apartment in shock of how i knew everything. Went down on elevator. In the dream she left all the lights in the apartment and in the kitchen. I turned it all off when i found a hidden switch. Also, she left kitchen gas stove fired up wich i also turned off. Next day when i woke up I was determined to start NARP because i felt it is doable for me to finally heal. So im doing module 1 and dreams vanished ( at least for now). Thank you for reading and God bless.

  14. 17 months out from my short marriage with my Covert N . And still seeing her in my dreams, VERY emotional dreams where I am still trying to reason with her and trying to kick some sense and empathy inton her !!

    How to flush her off my system !? I feel like I am stuck in an emotional and thoughts loop !!

  15. Hi Melanie,
    Thank you so much for the work you do!
    My dreams are not nightmares anymore. They are like nice dreams with him. Like we re together and were happy. What does that mean?I’ve been with him for 2 years, married for one and now separated for 8 months and waiting for divorce to be final. He still tries to get me back but I’m staying no contact.

    1. Hi Lilly,

      you are very welcome.

      I so believe our dreams are our subconscious telling us what we can integrate and heal. If you are a NARP Member you can load up and release the energy of the dream. Then by intergrating it, it will have healed within you and will not need to be in your consciousness anymore.

      Truly out goal is not to logically work out what things mean. Rather it to integrate those parts of us back to wholeness that aren’t yet – which is what NARP does.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  16. I just had a dream that the exN contacted me. This is something he hasn’t tried to do since the discard, followed by getting back together, followed by the final discard. I know he has another woman, as he told me during the first initial discard. This is not the first time I have had this dream. I have been wanting him to contact me just to know he is thinking about me as I feel completely tossed aside and unimportant. However, I refuse to contact him because I know this is what he assumes will happen, as he has said that “they always come running back”. I also know the pain it will cause me because I will never feel safe with him again, no matter what he says or doesn’t say. I have been working the modules since the end of Dec. 2017. I have been feeling better. I am able to eat again without getting sick, most of the time. This week has been emotional and I am having a hard time. The loneliness is strong right now. What else can I do to alleviate these feelings, along with the modules?

  17. What does it mean when the narcissist stares at you with black eyes through his computer, and what does it means after I discarded him a month ago now he’s back in my dreams looking at me with a smirk on his face.

    1. Hi Natasha,

      It means we have been traumatised by this person.

      Please look out for my next Thriver tv episode coming out today … it is exactly about this topic and will help a lot.

      Mel xo

  18. How am I supposed to expose the trauma that is causing these horrific nightmares when the narcissist has left me penniless, about to lose my home with nowhere to go. How I am even still alive is a mystery. I am going through a divorce unrepresented and he was able to hire an attorney the following day after he was served divorce papers. I’m unable to work any longer and the narcissist has destroyed my life. The techniques you speak of in this video cost money which because of the abuser discarding me, I do not have. I live in the US and there is no help for victims of narcissistic abuse because it isn’t even a crime. What am I supposed to do? My adult daughters do not care and neither do the domestic violence shelters or the nationwide hotline. A victim has to be beaten within an inch of their life and if there’s no physical assault, the abuser is viewed as a contributing member of society and a divorce is simply considered a case of two people growing apart. As far as the courts are concerned, narcissistic discard does not exist. Again, what am I supposed to do without having the resources? I have been married to the narcissist for 22 years and received his mandatory financial records. He is blowing through “his” paychecks like he’s won the lottery and I will soon be on the street. It’s no wonder I am having nightmares. Since he left 2 years ago, it’s taken every bit of determination to not give up. Nobody wants to hear it because nobody cares. Now you’re telling me these nightmares are a good thing. I’ll tell you right now I cannot fight these demons in the night too. There are some days I just wish he’d killed me. The therapists here are just as bad as the narcissists. What are women like me supposed to do when we have been reduced to having nothing? The number of abused women here in the US who have no one to turn to is staggering. A large percentage of them are living in their vehicles which is where I am going to end up. How do we get help when the abusers have reduced us to living in poverty? I hope you can answer this question because I cannot continue to fight the narcissist at night too when my defenses are down. There’s no one I can turn to and zero support systems available. It’s only through sheer determination and the knowledge that he isn’t worth giving up that I haven’t had a total breakdown but you are wrong when you say these nightmares are a gift. I have cried for entire days and the trauma bond is finally broken because I want nothing to do with him ever again. I take medication every night so I can sleep and still he haunts me. I have had enough already.
    I know you’re trying to help and I know you were the target of a narcissist but you need to understand that there are many of us who are lacking any kind of resources to purchase anything right down to not being able to provide shelter for ourselves and are at the end of our ropes.

  19. I left the psycho jerkaholic a month ago. He sees nothing wrong with what our daughters husband is doing which could put both of them in prison. He told me to stop making nothing out of nothing. He sided with her husband. I ghosted him & will not talk to him for any reason, until he starts looking after our daughter, which is never. The problem is, two nights, in a row & I remember nothing, my bedroom looks like a cyclone hit it. The trash can is knocked over twice, in two nights, blankets on the floor & things are flying all over the place. I also feel like I had been hit with a Mack truck the whole day & night. I had an important errand to run & couldn’t. Also, my speakers were fried due to an electrical storm & until I get new ones, I have no sound.

  20. Your so awesome. Your one of the only positive nonretraumatizing sources of information on narcissism, thank you. I have been doing really well on missing but knowing I wont go back. Last night I really missed him after a year and then had a dream in which he was in (rare). He loved me and it was great but then the violating sexuality re-entered, the bringing me to parties where I’m grossly disrespected, and the ultimate form of pain – abandonment – like anything meant nothing (god so sad). I had the connected feelings of a complete lack of self worth, but then I remember the actions and behaviour of other people only show their true selves and it is in no way connected to my self worth. Im still sad and miss him but I’ve grown so much and that is partly due to you. It was such a dark time after the discard and it is highly appreciated that your guidance is so gentle and positive and nonblaming.
    And for people struggeling in the beginning, it truly does take a lot of time but the darkness will fade. I was in his neighborhood at a thrift store (never again) and I felt this gigantic all encompassing darkness (just what it is) and it made me realize what I had been living in. It just sucks and idk if it will ever not suck but there’s hope and a bright future ahead, put positive action into your day even if you have to sob through it at first 😁 it will add up and before you know it (a long time as well) you WILL feel better, I promise. Also trust Melanie, I’ve searched through so many at first and she’s the best source, confidently.
    Thank you again sincerely,
    Josh P

    Sorry about spelling, informal approach

  21. I split from my ex in October. Including being a narcissist, he has strong addictions too, things were very scary at the end. I’ve worked hard to heal and has successfully gone no-contact in the last month. About 3 weeks ago I heard from a friend he wasn’t doing well. I started to think about reaching out to him. Then I had a terrible nightmare-I went to his house to see how he was doing. He invited me in and tried to give me back someone else’s underwear-I remember being taken aback in the dream and realized something was wrong. He left the room and came back and shot me in the throat. I remember laying on his floor and bleeding, not breathing and watching him watch me die. He watched me like a hawk-which was how he used to watch me. It was so realistic. I’m still shaken by it and haven’t slept well since.

  22. Narcissists are demons. The dreams you have with them are NOT unresolved trauma. There is a different quality to your dreams and dreams they influence. Be discerning.
    You MUST drive them out.
    Do not be passive and learn and simply receive these dreams as “insight”.
    The Lord Jesus Christ can drive out these demons if you are a believer. Do not be fooled by what you are dealing with. Be vigilant. They roaming restlessly seeking to devour. Send them on their way.
    You have that power. Awaken.

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