Welcome to Thriver TV.

Today, I want to talk about what type of narcissist that you are dealing with. Is it an overt narcissist or a covert narcissist? Is it a somatic narcissist? Is it an altruistic narcissist?

Or maybe this is a person who has minor narcissistic tendencies, and there is some hope to be able to have a healthy relationship with them. Or maybe they are suffering from some other personality disorder, or perhaps they’re just selfish or unconscious.

How can you know?

Today, I want to really speak to this because, over the years that I’ve been helping people recover from narcissistic abuse and toxic and disappointing relationships, I’ve seen this question come up a lot.

Again, as a Thriver, I’m going to help you regain your power in this confusion and get the perfect clarity to allow you to make your way to happy, healthy, and safe relationships.

That is what Thriving is! If you want true solutions to not just survive what you’re feeling but Thrive into your best life EVER after abuse, write “Thrive On!” in the comments below.

Let’s now get started on “What type of narcissist are you dealing with?”

 

 

Where True Clarity Comes From

Now, of course, it’s possible for you to do a lot of research. There’s a ton of information online where you can go into the ins and outs of this and try to pinpoint exactly what this person is that you’re trying to survive a relationship with, leave, or maybe deal with to be able to minimize the abusive damage.

Or, maybe you are trying to determine whether asserting boundaries would allow this person to step up, change, and become healthy.

How can you know for sure? The truth is you can’t. Information is not transformation; the transformation of our lives is only possible from within us. It’s not in outer information.

I want to bring you back to a total Thriver concept: knowing that your Source Force, meaning your connection and alignment with your Higher Self, comes from the inside out.

It’s counterintuitive; it goes against all the false programming you have previously received, understanding that this has nothing to do with what somebody else is or isn’t being or doing.

The really great thing about that is there are 8 billion other people on the planet, and it can take a lot of time, guesswork, and energy and be very hit-and-miss when trying to work out what other people are or aren’t instead of simply aligning with and creating your own life from the inside out.

The only person we have the power to work with is ourselves. This is what I love about energy clearing and changing life from deeply inside, in the Thriver way. It cuts out weeks, months, years, decades, or even a lifetime of being pointed in a direction that may seem normal and human, yet it doesn’t work in relation to what we want to achieve.

 

Non-aligned Values

Please absorb this following example because, as benign as it sounds, it is foundational for you to understand your relationship with ANY narcissist.

Soon, you will understand why.

Let’s say that two people are trying to have a relationship, and one of these people is really health-oriented. This person eats organic food, goes for hikes, and doesn’t watch TV.

Then you have the other person who eats ice cream, sits on the couch, and loves Netflix. They’re both really lovely, good-hearted people. However, their values are completely different.

They may share some interests, love certain music, and like reading the same books, but their values around a very important topic—health—are completely different.

To have a healthy relationship of shared values, the person who loves hiking and organic food will have to relax, get on the couch, eat popcorn, and watch Netflix. Or the person on the couch will have to get up, start exercising, get fresh air, and eat healthier meals.

Everyone’s present beliefs create behaviors, which are values expressed.

These people have completely different beliefs because they have different behaviors, meaning they have different values.

This is the making of a toxic relationship, even though these two people are really decent. They will try to fix and change the other person according to their beliefs and feel justified.

The healthy person will absolutely say, “This is for your own good.” The person on the couch will say, “You need to stop being so hard on yourself and relax and chill out more!”

They’re trying to change somebody else into a version of someone they can like enough, love enough, and have a happy relationship with. You can see the clash here.

Love is not about trying to force other people to change so that we can have a happy, healthy relationship with them. True love is,” I accept your values are not a match with mine. I set you free to experience a life where you are more matched with others who share your beliefs and values. And I grant myself the same release.”

Okay, so now let’s bring this back to a narcissistic relationship.

 

 

The Different Types of Narcissist Are All ONE Type

We know there are different narcissistic styles.

The narcissist may express narcissism through their stunning looks. Or maybe they’re highly intelligent as a cerebral narcissist and use gaslighting and intelligence. Or maybe the narcissist is altruistic and uses gift granting and being the good Samaritan to hook and manipulate people, or they could be covert and have a double life behind your back, or overt and rage and abuse you at the slightest provocation.

Of course, the list goes on and on. As fascinating as all of this may be, none of this investigation and research will grant you a relieved, healed, or liberated Thriving life.

There is ONE common aspect about all of this.

This person does not share your values for a healthy, happy relationship.

What is necessary for a healthy, happy relationship?

Compassion, empathy, listening, caring about what’s going on for the other person, being accountable, being able to say sorry, being able to do conflict resolution and solution building with you.

These are essential relationship VALUES.

Okay, interests. Maybe you both like hiking. Maybe you both like Netflix movies. These are unimportant, even though people believe they are. Narcissists love to pretend you have shared interests with them, but they find it very hard to fake shared values.

Your values for a relationship are partnership, unity, and the desire for a loving relationship.

The narcissist doesn’t have any of that as their goal. Their goal is narcissistic supply. It’s about significance. It’s about one-upping. It’s about being able to control you, which means false promises, unloving acts, invalidation, and inability to hear, care about, or work with you.  Rather, the devaluing and gaslighting and projections you are about keeping you so sick that you don’t feel well enough to find and exert your own values.

Because if you did, you would break free, leave, and not be able to be captured and regulated for narcissistic supply– meaning emptied out of lifeforce, resources, and things that the narcissist wants – all at your expense.

Does any of that sound like shared values of love, honesty, transparency, and caring soul teamwork? Without the ability to self-reflect, be accountable, have empathy and compassion, and want to CARE about the health of the relationship … there is NO relationship!

But you may say, “Melanie, I know I have my stuff too. I know I have unhealed traumas from my past as well .. (exactly the stuff the narcissist blames you for the relationship problems over) … but this, again, is irrelevant.

Let’s bring back the ONLY glue that can allow ANY relationship to work – shared values.

Regardless of the stuff you are healing – your values for a relationship are a RELATIONSHIP! The narcissists aren’t. They are in it for a takeover, which means you are being taken down!

If you’re trying to figure out exactly what flavor this person is and haven’t even returned to the basics of knowing what a healthy relationship requires, you’re in the Wrong Town (Please know that until Thriver Recovery, I didn’t know either!)  It doesn’t matter what type of narcissist this person is or even what they say. It’s who they are and what they do that demonstrates their values.

It doesn’t matter if they are pink, purple, an alien, or they fly backward.

The real question about all of this is, WHO are YOU? What are your values? What are your truths?

 

Your Life Creation Is About WHO You Are

Lately, a dear friend had separated from somebody she was very attached to. She did a lot of work on herself and had the possibility of reconnection with this person, who was saying they were going to match her values.

Very quickly, because of the amount of work, intention, and healing she’d done on herself and because she knew her values, she saw nothing had changed, and it didn’t match her truth anymore.

The attraction was gone. The hooks were gone, and she said,” This isn’t me. This isn’t my life. This isn’t my soul. This isn’t where I’m going!”

As a Quantum Being in the moment of now, you know that your alignment and choices are exactly what your life will bring in the future.

Once you innerstand this and do not accept it less and express it, people either step up genuinely, or you leave and let go, opening space for the authentic truth of your life to enter. You have cleared your energy field of the old pattern, and the far superior one can NOW arrive.

I hope this makes sense, and I trust you feel the truth in your body and how much power and healing return to you.

Best of all, you are on the right path to a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life, regardless of what others are or choose to do!

For more information, see my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program™ and my empowering information and energy-clearing techniques that change your life deeply from the inside out.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Love Mel 🧡

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