Comments on: When Is It Safe To Date After Narcissistic Abuse? Part 2

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Thu, 07 Sep 2023 04:47:28 +0000

Hi Kimberly,

my heart goes out to you, because your loss is so painful.

Most definetley if he was to do the inner work he may be ready for a loving relationship with you. Yet the truth is, none of us have any control over another, and it is so painful to have to wait until someone or something can change for us to have peace, healing and live our best lives.

That’s why Dear Lady, the only person we can heal is ourselves. Then I promise you either he will return as the uplevelled version of himself, avalaible for love, or another will appear who is even superior to him, for you to be loved by and love.

And either way until then you can be released from this heartbreak.

I’d love to suggets to you my 10 week healing bootcamp for that level of relief and release for you http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/thrive.htm

I hope that this can help. Also my free masterclass http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass will help you learn and FEEL what Quanta Freedom Healing can do for you – quickly and powerfully.

Sending big love and hugs

Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Kimberly Fazio

Kimberly Fazio — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 06:42:56 +0000

Hi Melanie, I have no idea if you will answer this as it looks like it been many years since the last comment. But I’ll give it a try.
I was very much in love with a man who suffered awful narcissistic abuse for 23 years in his marriage. I believe he was codependant from childhood issues of trying to rescue/help his sick mom, but never could. We had a very loving relationship. He was kind and gentle, a hard worker and generous. He had a great relationship with his kids and I loved them too. It would have been very hard to not love someone like him and I did with all my heart. I had a very happy childhood with happily married parents and good relationships with my siblings. My parents did a great job of modeling healthy love.
I gave him space to grow and be alone when he needed it. I never tried to fix him and he was aware he had healing to do. Him and his ex had been divorced for 2 years.
However, his ex would not leave him alone (especially since they shared 3 children). She did everything to continue making his life hell. About 8 months into our relationship I noticed him becoming more withdrawn (slowly at first) and being triggered much more easily. His anxiety started flaring up again and he went back on anti anxiety meds. I could feel him slipping away and knew there was not much I could do. I stayed true to myself and didn’t try to fix anything, just prayed for him.
One day he was especially antsy and I lashed out in frustration (first time ever with him). He instantly was triggered and froze up. He then told me that I looked and sounded exactly like his ex when she was mad at him. I tried to explain that I was just frustrated. He said he understood and we left it at that. Two weeks later he ended it with me. My heart was very broken as I really loved him but I do know that I did nothing wrong.
So, I really have just one question. I know he has a lot of inner work to do and IF he does it someday……do you think it will be easier for him to see that he was just triggered from his past and may actually talk with me about it? I don’t hold out hope that we will get back together. I will be ok if it doesn’t happen. But it is hard for me to think that he may think so badly of me now, after all the love we shared. It would mean so much to me if we could talk and end it then on good terms. What do you think the chance of that happening is, if, or when, he becomes healed one day??
Thank you very much your time and caring.
Kimberly

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Tue, 19 Dec 2017 19:23:42 +0000

I’m so excited to start the NARP program. I just bought it today. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I’ve been to therapy and in groups I’ve read a ton of self-help books. I totally agree with this article that’s exactly where I am I want to heal. I know what my issues are. I know why I was in this type of relationship but I haven’t been able to find really good concrete steps on how to move forward and heal and really truly love myself. I love how the focus is so positive I’ve been finding some of the groups that I’ve been in are very negative and focus on the ex narc and what they did and not on healing themselves. I’ve grown past that. I own my issues not someone elses. Not to say that I don’t still relive my stories sometimes and have triggers but I keep trying to focus on me and not them. Ive just been stuck on how to move forward.Thank you Melanie!

By: Lotte Hendriks

Lotte Hendriks — Tue, 12 Jan 2016 14:50:05 +0000

I read both of your pieces with interest. I. ve been No Contact for more than two years with my narc ex of eleven years now. In the eginning, I just wanted a man, any man at all to make up for the loss. This didn’t work out very well, of course. then there was a period I had no sexual feelings at all and focusing on myself. I’m only just beginning to date again and yep, another one! Happily I found out in only a few weeks so there is not much damage, but I have changed so much that my gut says this is wrong and you should stop this before its too late. This gives me some more confidence in myself, apparently something has changed inside of me which makes it easier for me to recognise the red flags and act on them. Of course, the narc runs away when the tricks don’t work anymore, I ‘m friends with myself now and I have firm boundaries that I stick to. I do feel I’m ready for someone new but the trust issue is high. On the other hand, I taught myself to BE myself in any situation or circumstance. This helps a lot and I am safer because of it. Also, I like to be in the here and now. I’m actively looking for a male that is emotionally healthy and grown up. Otherwise, no go. I don’t date, as in my country this is not very popular and I will defnitely not go on a dating site. I’m no longer desperate, I am open. And free. And myself. I have healthy self-esteem. No one will ever take that away from me again as I created ME myself! Many thanks for your work, I’m spreading it in several groups here in the Netherlands. Hugs, Lotte

By: Ace

Ace — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 19:14:16 +0000

Curious timing!

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 08:57:44 +0000

In reply to Sleuth.

Hi Sleuth,

the reasons why it is so hard to get that person out of our being is because there are activated severe traumas in our body – subconscious / emotional system that thinking usually can’t overcome.

I would love you to come into one of my Webinar Groups and find out why this is, as well as how to heal it.

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 08:54:55 +0000

In reply to Kathie.

Kathie,

you are very welcome 🙂

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 08:54:25 +0000

In reply to Blessed.

Hi Blessed,

that is so cute and hilarious!

I can tell by how authentic you are being, and how great you are feeling, you have come along way and YES you totally are up-leveling!

Keep up the great work B, and you are so welcome 🙂

Mel xo

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sun, 04 Oct 2015 08:52:31 +0000

In reply to kenni.

Hi Kenni,

you are very welcome, I am so pleased this article helped.

Mel xo