Comments on: Why Do People Manipulate?

By: Arun

Arun — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 04:06:24 +0000

This is fucking great
Only good explanation of manipulation I have seen
Great work

By: Arun

Arun — Sat, 17 Aug 2019 23:27:12 +0000

My teenage grandson is being taken undue advantage of by his GF and her dysfunctional family. Her natural mother, stepdad and pot smoking older sister. They have him driving them everywhere in his old economy car that we help him keep in good condition. That, despite the fact that they have a late model car and the sisters car (a lot newer than his) that spend more time in their carport than on the road.
They butter him up with how wonderful he is and what a good driver he is. He needs his car in shape to get him to college and work etc. I’m pretty sure they don’t even ask if he needs gas etc. Simply all about them selfish selves with severe lack of self esteem or any semblance of class etc. Low lives, period!
My grandson does not know how to say ‘NO’. Make up a story as to how he needs to run some chores etc. because his GF always wants to be his second shadow. On top of that she is rude, disrespectful and discourteous even when she shows up at our house and eats anything she darn well chooses w/o as much as saying hello to recongnise my presence in my own home. She is awful lucky I did not go tell her dysfunctional parents about her lack of manners and or shame/humility etc. I have a long list of adjectives I believea are very apt and fitting for a teenager who is capable of the behavior she displays. The worst part is she couldn’t care less. He needs to ditch the little …ch, period!
I have a half a mind to go tell those two legged maggots what I think when they’re well into their slumber, Lolol! I could stay low key and allow it to go on unchecked but I’m not sure if he will learn to come to his senses and look reality in the face. I talk to him gently and make a couple of light comments and he laughs because I always use humor.
I welcome any advice I get from anyone here. Thx much and Cheers!

By: Julia

Julia — Sun, 14 Apr 2019 05:40:14 +0000

I see this is way back in 2013 and it’s the first time I’ve seen it. It answers a lot of questions I had in my mind along with so much of your incredible information Mel. Thank you.
I have struggled with being in a few not good relationships & the lst one has done nore damage to myself than I could have believed … I understand it takes time to heal. Now I have a woman at work who is accusing me of things I haven’t done, wouldn’t even think of doing. I proved to my boss it wasn’t true & gave them permission to investigate further but have since learned (from other staff members) that she is good friends with the boss, anyone who has shifts with her will be at risk of have their shifts reduced or changed if they stand up to her or when they have complained, or they end up just leaving.
I absolutely love my job & it is eating me inside going through this, to the point of being so stressed I’m getting headaches & actual nausea. It feels so cruel & unfair that one person can make life so hard for so many others and can get away with it

By: Dede

Dede — Wed, 12 Dec 2018 02:04:09 +0000

I have struggled recently with a manipulator “friend”. She has been lying to me for about 1.5 years about a disagreement we had 1.5 years ago. Instead of discussing it with me I believe she was keeping me around, in the dark and out of the loop of this disagreement. I finally asked to discuss it with her. My request was denied. Looking back over the last 1.5 years I see many, many incidents of manipulation and attempts at controlling my behaviour either through guilt even using her children as ponds to guilt me into travelling to see her. Overall, just not being truthful.

I actually feel violated. I attempted (in vain) to write to her my concerns, of course they were not answered and I have been asked not to contact her further. My resolution techniques are forthright and honest and manipulators do not like this.

My question is. I am trying to work on self-love and recognizing and thwarting people of this worthlessness away from me. I am a little out of practice in the friendship game recently as I live in the country. I would very much like to have good people in my life.

Do you have any self-love sage words that I could incorporate so that I do not continue to attract such negative people? This one was particularly hard because I thought if I explained myself and was kind it would be met with kind. That is the myth of the manipulator. Keep you off balance, keep you questioning yourself and smiling in their small world.

By: L R

L R — Thu, 22 Feb 2018 15:16:21 +0000

Thank you. This is the best and most insightful article I have come across on manipulation with mention of narcissists. It draws attention to what I can and need to learn from my experience of interacting with one. I have been hitting my head against a wall trying to understand why my boss at work would lie, use diversion tactics, omit information, blame others, feign victim, criticize and attack, become defensive, etc. Other articles provide insight that it goes back to childhood and that there are tactics you can use to identify and overcome manipulators. This article spoke in a language that allows me to draw this learning experience in deeper to understand, one, that I cannot change or affect a manipulator’s behavior and, two, I can use this experience to see how my reactions to the manipulator (fear based) do not jive with what I perceive as my value system. So, in addition to respecting honesty, transparency, empathy, caring, etc., I can now use your words as a guide to visit how to fully join my beliefs to my true self. I must learn to grow by LETTING GO and having faith that most people do not operate as manipulators do. Furthermore, I can benefit from the very activity of deeper introspection that I wonder why a manipulator does not carry out. Thank you for sharing. This is my new go-to and will be for a long time to come.

By: Shane

Shane — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 20:33:35 +0000

Hi, I just found your article. I am one of those people who is manipulative. I didn’t realize what I was doing until an ex girlfriend pointed it out to me. I really don’t want to be that kind of person. I’ having a difficult time trying to find these sources and rid myself of them.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 03:10:40 +0000

In reply to Alexa.

Hi Alexa,

Hugs … this is how …

By healing the trauma within that is causing us to be defensive, act out and lash out.

When that is gone so is all of that.

Come into my free webinar and I will show you exactly how to get the trauma out of your body – and how relief is not far away. https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

Mel xo

By: Alexa

Alexa — Mon, 04 Sep 2017 23:53:43 +0000

Hi Melanie,
I came from a family with abuse problems, physical emotional and psychological. There was both narcissisim, manipulation, and enmeshment. After I left home I got in a relationship with a man who physically and emotionally abused me for 3 years. It wasn’t until recently I realized I have been a manipulator to my current boyfriend to do and say things to make him see me a certain way and I desperately want help. I can’t believe I have become an emotionally abusive, manipulative person with narcissistic tendencies. How do I stop?

By: Bob Billy

Bob Billy — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 03:04:47 +0000