Comments on: Why Most Boundaries Don’t Hold Up https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why-most-boundaries-dont-hold-up/ Devastated by a narcissist? Melanie's Narcissism blog offers support & empowering tools to heal & thrive after narcissistic abuse, gain a new life & fulfilling relationships. Tue, 25 Feb 2020 23:19:25 +0000 hourly 1 By: Janet https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why-most-boundaries-dont-hold-up/#comment-1232885 Tue, 25 Feb 2020 23:19:25 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=1305#comment-1232885 In reply to Dawn chandler.

Because your ex’s parents are narcissistic as well. Its generational and he played the game to survive them in childhood, and learned to overcome it by becoming one.

]]> By: Corey https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/why-most-boundaries-dont-hold-up/#comment-553841 Thu, 27 Nov 2014 00:44:51 +0000 https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/?p=1305#comment-553841 Really well written article. I am learning about this now, how to set healthy boundaries at the ripe age of 45… But I wonder about this part, with so many people moving on when someone doesn’t respect our boundaries, who is left. It seems like this is an epidemic of our times. I agree one has to create healthy boundaries but is walking away really the final answer or can we find a way to transcend this human condition? We are not victims, we have the power to choose our experiences. I just wonder who is left then, the pond gets smaller and smaller in terms of relationships. It seems this is a common theme in human relationships. It’s a human rite of passage to deal with people who test our boundaries. I want to be effective but I wonder how many times do we need to clear and walk away and one can still draw these circumstances in because it’s human nature. What do you have to say for this perspective? I’m curious. THANKYOU for your great writing.

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Lorianne,
My b/f intentionally starts fights with me to cause high drama (lots of neurochemicals are released) and then immediately dismisses the original conflict to how much he loves me, how I’m the only one for him, his dream come true, how he’s so in love with me, etc. Because I crave these words, and want them so badly to be true, we move on from the issue – not having any resolution. He also continues making promises to me but then refuses to follow-through. When I call attention to this – he’ll say he was about to do it, is doing it later, or makes up some crazy story as to why it can’t happen (he’s lost his keys) etc. It’s absolutely crazy making. I’ve also realized that when I’m worked up it’s easier for me to give in to him and not uphold my boundaries. It’s in the action as opposed to having the time to think about it and make a rational decision about it. I’m getting better at not becoming as emotional, because I now expect it. However, I’m still struggling at not being able to stay true to myself, my needs, my wants and then I get upset with myself afterwards for giving in. I think I’m using him as a way to punish myself. I know it’s all related to childhood and I’ve done decades of therapy, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, and now I’m starting this program. When do these engrained behaviors stop??? I feel like I’m auto pilot. It’s so toxic and I don’t want to be part of it, yet I crave it!

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