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When you start trying to explain the behaviour of a narcissist to someone else, they will more often than not counter your words by saying …

“But he is such a great guy!”

You can see them thinking … “Why is she so ungrateful?”

And, of course, many people outside the family home love the narcissistic woman because she is so accommodating, hospitable and charming and always there to help anyone in need.

But we know this is SO different from our experience of them!

Why are narcissists so unwilling, unmotivated and uncaring and even downright nasty with their nearest and dearest, yet sooooo accommodating and wonderful with everyone else?

Why is it that getting them to do what you want to feel supported and cared for means that the narcissists often turn on you mercilessly, yet they will drop everything for all and sundry?

Within this Thriver TV episode, you will find out!

I know you may feel so alone and powerless regarding how the narcissist is hoodwinking everyone and no one sees the truth – but I promise you, just as I did – there is a way to heal all of this and be validated and supported by life and people beyond measure.

So … rather than think the narcissist’s “Street Angel / Home Devil” persona makes it all hopeless and you totally helpless … as I go through this deep dive into this topic in this video, you will understand why it isn’t.

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to Thriver TV, the place to break through from narcissistic abuse with quantum tools and understandings. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

This week’s Thriver TV explains how narcissists are very good at making people like them. Most are high functioning, brilliant at appearing normal, cordial, and decent. When the abuse starts, these traits can spell disaster for anyone else, and people look at you like you’ve got two heads when you’re trying to explain it to them.

When people outside your relationship say, “But he’s such a good guy,” they wonder, “Why is she so ungrateful?” Of course, this is not gender-specific. Many people outside the family home love the narcissistic woman because she’s accommodating, hospitable, charming and always there to help anyone in need. Plus, she’s a marvellous hostess, usually.

When burying the brunt of narcissistic torment behind closed doors, you might feel so alone and powerless about how the narcissist is hood-winking everyone else, and no one but you sees the truth.

But I promise you, just as I did, there is a way to heal all of this and be validated and supported by life and people beyond measure. This all comes about as a result of how you can turn this around inside yourself for yourself first.

Before we do this, the trauma of the narcissist’s street angel/home devil persona is intense for people being abused because they feel isolated and misunderstood and seriously start to doubt themselves. Of course, you’re going to question whether it is you, in fact, who is the cause of all the problems.

You may even feel like, “I must be imagining it. Am I losing my mind?” Yet we are indeed experiencing abuse and trauma at levels we thought we would never go through, which leaves us anxious, traumatised, intensely depressed and struggling to function in everyday life.

So how do we get people to see what is happening to us? The truth is, for a while, we don’t.

How do we get people to realise who the narcissist is? We can’t because by trying to do this, we will, in fact, only incriminate ourselves with people further, which is vital to understand if you’re trying to warn your kids or get your kids to understand who the other parent is.

How do we get people to support us and help us heal? We can’t, and we don’t, and rather than think this makes it all hopeless and you totally helpless, it is, in fact, the exact opposite. I want you to realise that all of this is in perfect and divine order, and as I  dive deep into this topic with you, you’ll understand why.

 

The Narcissist Is A Great Actor

First, I want to discuss how and why the narcissist is a great actor. Then, as always, which is what I do, I want to bring the power and the healing back squarely to ourselves.

The narcissist is a false self, which means that he or she is a consummate actor, a charade, being whoever is required at the time to get a narcissistic supply most efficiently and effectively.

From a very early age, narcissists know that to get attention and stuff, which means resources, time, accolades, contacts, wealth, sex, whatever it is that’s required to fill the deep black bottomless hole inside them, which will never feel durably whole or at peace no matter what it gets.

They need to get people to like and trust them for the payoff and fulfilment of their agenda. It has nothing to do with faithful and unconditional giving.

At the accurate quantum level, by giving to another, I’m actually giving to myself because we are all one. That’s why it feels so genuinely good, because.

However, many people don’t operate at this level. They may do favours and make good gestures to create a favour bank with others. Yet narcissists take it a step further by doing it to get attention, acclaim, compliments, and accolades.

They do it for narcissistic supply and to emotionally survive because getting energy from the outside is much better than the annihilating energy they’re experiencing inside.

It’s full of the terrible, devastating emotions of shame, defectiveness and unacceptable, which require attention from the outside and through people to offset the inner being that constantly threatens to eat them alive.

This is why you may be horrified to realise that the narcissist is so much more interested in being wonderful to all and sundry than granting their own children and family decency, let alone devotion, service, and care.

There isn’t enough narcissistic supply being extracted from giving to one’s family. Even when a father, mother, husband, wife or partner is caring, responsible, and contributes to their loved ones, they only get a red carpet rolled out complete with fanfare every time they do something for somebody else.

In fact, healthy people enjoy giving to their families, making the people they love to feel supported and special. But a narcissist simply isn’t wired that way, and you may be horrified by their childish entitlement to your recognition when something they have done requires healthy gratitude.

Of course, it’s nice to say thank you within the family and be grateful, but the narcissist wants accolades, power and your full acknowledgement without reciprocating it to you. The bottom line is that there is nowhere near enough narcissistic supply for them to engage in real family contribution.

He or she will sometimes pull out all stops for an agenda within the family and suddenly be that caring, giving, wonderful person. But it’s not real, and it doesn’t last. These times are only when hoovering, such as re-hook with a spouse when he or she attempts to leave the narcissist or will be for another agenda. The bottom line is the narcissist must exert energy for a payoff. It’s a delicate balance between energy expended to receive the narcissistic supply.

Suppose a narcissist gets cornered to do things for the family and can’t get out into the world to hunt a more appropriate narcissistic supply. In that case, the narcissist is precariously and dangerously pulled inwards to his or her self-annihilation and will become low on the supply, depressed, manic, and seething. Then he or she will need to get a narcissistic supply another way.

And this is when the people closest to the narcissist try to make the narcissist behave like an average person, who does give, contribute, comply, and be a part of a team, will then be lined up and battered mercilessly.

Now, the narcissist has switched from hunting a positive supply to striking out the negative narcissistic supply. It’s not about the accolades, adoration, and acclaim now. It’s about getting the feed off, “I am powerful and valid because I can affect you this severely.” It makes the narcissist feel significant and even omnipotent. The narcissist also temporarily feels vindicated because he or she has punished you for threatening their emotional existence by trying to force them to be expected.

Hopefully, now you can understand why the narcissist is non-compliant, puts things off, doesn’t finish something at home, and gets depressed, angry, and nasty when forced to do tasks for you or the children.

In stark contrast,  they derive such pleasure and energy by putting themselves out diligently and consistently for others outside your four walls.

Hopefully, you know there is no way you’ll get the narcissist to change. He or she will always hunt narcissistic supply. You will not be a constant source unless you become a fawning fool.

In fact, once past the honeymoon, you will regularly be the dump master to receive a beating, projection, attack and hurt.

Even if you do become a fawning fool, you still, at times, are going to be the dump master because you’re having a relationship with somebody who’s not interested in you in the slightest and simply never can be because he or she only has the energy available to balance the delegate and necessary regulation of narcissistic supply for themselves.

This means we must get out if we want the hope of a happy and healthy life.

 

Release The Street Angel-Home Devil From Your Experience.

So let’s take it back to the start when I said for a while we are not going to get other people’s support or realise who the narcissist is, and we’re not going to get them to help us heal. I also said that this was all in perfect and divine order.

The reason is that we remained attracted and hooked to the narcissists even when their masks dropped because we were, at that time, emotionally underdeveloped. We did not have a whole, solid, inner identity in our bodies, healthily generating our own lives as adults.

We were instead dependent, sourcing love, approval, survival, and security through others’ validation. If we had felt supported and had backup after being abused by a narcissist, we would have never claimed and actualised the opportunity to shift and massively up-level this experience.

We would only be back to square one again, still broken, susceptible, dependent, and precariously prone to clinging onto people even when abusive.

This is necessary for becoming 100% whole, self-actualized, non-dependent and clingy to people even when they hurt us and able to steer our life healthily into self-generative, life-affirming relationships and quickly walk away from ones that don’t match up.

We become to ourselves everything we want to receive from others. Partnering is never about becoming an island. People may think, “If I come home to heal myself and I don’t need to get my wholeness from others, then I’ll never need people again.” That’s true, and that is precisely what you want.

I know that sounds totally like a dichotomy. Still, it is true because when you are no longer empty and needy but whole, healthy, and good-loving, people will flood into your experience because you’re already a match for them. They match your inner identity, which is always what your outer life will look like.

You can accept these people and can sustain relationships with them.

Until then, that is not possible. Like my previous self, you are only a match for more empty and needy people, narcissists being the Biggest Kahunas.

This is about dropping the need for people to get who the narcissist is, back you or help you heal, and instead, it’s about you doing that work on yourself. Then I promise you, the street angel/home devil thing in your experience will collapse.

 

Conclusion

It did in my world.

My first narcissist had others convinced that he was beautiful and I was terrible. One of my family members used to go to his place after I’d escaped doing his ironing. My son believed I’d been having affairs behind everybody’s backs. My best friend had joined forces with him and turned against me.

Virtually every person involved in my world who had believed him, once I self-partnered and fully committed to healing me, turned away from him and returned to me.

I didn’t do anything at all to make this happen. In fact, when it happened, I didn’t even need it to happen because I already felt the most organically whole I ever had in my life as a result of finally self-partnering and committing to releasing my inner trauma and growing myself up to become a whole, healthy person.

I couldn’t care less about his acquaintances, who were still convinced he was wonderful.

I was already at the stage of knowing that he was merely a magnificent catalyst, finally delivering me home to myself, and my healing had nothing to do with him anyway.

In other realities, he will continue being the same storm of trauma that will hopefully awaken others.

My life was now revived, filled with more validation, love, and approval than I’d ever known was possible, much more than before I was abused.

Because, as the real key to making it happen, I finally become that to myself.

I hope this episode has helped, and if you’ve been suffering the street angel/home devil stuff, NARP is my highest suggestion to release them from your experience.

Please scroll down and join the conversation in the comment section.

Until the next little video, that’s it from me from sunny Darwin.

Keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do. That’s it from me.

Lots of love. Bye-bye.

Join My FREE 16-Day Recovery Course to Begin
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

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Commments (119) + Leave a comments

119 thoughts on “Why Narcissists Are So Cruel To You But Kind To Everyone Else

  1. I was engaged an lived with my Narc for Three years
    Moved out….he called an txt me for the next five years
    I love you…..love u not! An if anyone is reading this from Msla Mt…Beware of a man that’s n his 50’s tall an is Love bombing u! He will tell you his wife who is deceased..shased him out in the garage…how awful she was…I fell for it! Moved from Idaho in with him..got engaged…Was told I was Love of his life..right!..I thought his wife was awful…tell I started living with him…then the truth slowly came to light…he started going to strip clubs ..hooters…txt me to get out when we were engaged…treated me horrible! An I actually believed he still loved me…cuz he called an txt the next five years!
    He since lost his job..had to sell his house…an guess who got blamed for that! He demeaned me to his friends..told people I gave him herpes…Not true! My husband cheated on me b4 we divorced..had him checked out…an I moved in with KS..his initials right a fter I left my husband…so not true!!!! Then he told people I was a gold digger…an that’s why he lost his house…not true! Whole time we were together…I didn’t have access to any of his money…ever!
    Yes…he paid a lot of money for my engagement ring…I told him I wld give it back and wear a cubic circonia! What was I thinking…thsts b4 I really realize…he has narcissistic personality disorder…an oh yes…he came back an left many times…discard!!! Anyway…I did keep the ring…I left a beautful home..ggave up everything for this man..who supposedly Loved me…ha! They only Love themselves…an feel entitled! Sad…because I did Love him
    An to treat someone the way he did me….so awful…I was very kind an Loving to him an his daughter…So if anyone is reading this…the initials I put of his name are correct…beware…u are only a shiny new object! That’s all!!!

    1. I also met a Dutch man 54 years old who told me that his wife was so sick that he was afraid of her to commit suicide for the big amounts of drugs that the doctors prescribe her and he was there just waiting for her to die that she was bold losing a lot of hairs. Then after two years he ask her to move out of his house and place her in a different house in another town and start love boming me I can’t believe such an amazing man I ask for his wife and he say that she was very disrespectful and he can’t take it any longer that the drugs make her so unstable and he need to start fresh I always felt weird with him then I saw the lady picture and she did not look sick to me. He magnefy everything until he got me into his demonic claws and discarded me like garbage. He had it very well cover never help me he expect me to be his servant until I call him in to my room and told him you are a liar all you say is BS then I experienced his dark side very classy very calm but I saw fire in his eyes three weeks pass and when it was close to my BD he discarded me in the moment that I also needed support because that day my daughter went in to surgery. But God always protect His children and He never leave me alone.

    2. Thank u! I’m new but have lived a nightmare. 13 years. My friend showed me this site. I’m devastated. E erything is true!!!!! I feel like I’ve been in a prison. I am strong but tired. The work starts now but I want my life back and freedom. God bless.

      1. At first I thought I was losing my mind between all the lies and rationalizing it’s okay to be an alcoholic as long as you can go to work at 1 pm. and you don’t drink everyday. I prayed to God to give me my sanity back on one knee and he did. I went to Alanon. Started a codependency group. Now years later after a long divorce have I been able to identify him as a full blown narcissist covering it up with alcohol. Yes he was charming and a great “actor” outside of the home but then he would come home after 9 hours of acting. Like being nice and take it out on the dog and me. After all that’s a lot of hours of acting; he was tired and worn out!

    3. First time poster. I love the NARP PROGRAM and all the videos. Thanks Melanie! I would love to see a mediation that I could share with my growing teenage boys and younger child, that would empower them. Please make one!

      1. Hi Stacy,

        lovely to meet you here 🙂

        I am so pleased you are getting so much out of NARP!

        Hun healing our children, is a whole other topic – one where until our children are really old enough to actively make their own choices, we may be codependently trying to force them to do the work on themslves, when we can actually help them so much more by doing the work on ourselves about them.

        If you google my name + healing our children – you will see my take on this!

        Mel xo

    4. Wow this is everything I’m living right now and have for almost 2 years! It’s eaten me up. We were married though. He is a text book narssiscist! We have started a divorce he pretends he didn’t know anything about me I shared with him. I’ve delt with his sickness and his narssicim all this time. Took good care of him and love him unconditionally but h kept give me rules to live. I’m 53! He would tell me when to get up and make me do the hard core mans jobs cause he was too lazy so would leave it and it would drive me crazy so I would do. On top of cooking and cleaning and other things to take care of him. Then he would say I do nothing and treat me horrible. If I didn’t hold a hammer right and nail it right he yelled at me like a crazy man.money, control, sex! All for him or nothing.
      Looking for the light of peace soon! No more rollercasters.

      1. Feel the samebut if I or someone helps clean house he goes behind and messes.tells me if I go to store for food, gone too long been with someone or humting. 81 yrs old and married 28 yrs. He’s so mean and can’t see me as a siok person who needs to care for myself, work, work,work, hes76 had cancer, walks and then falls when he wants his wayhe care been here several time but he won’t try .always me me. Home left to me but he’s never done any thing to it except to botch a built in porch and ramp at front door when I broke knee and needed when broke hip, but my fault. About to go to court and he’s says he take my house and I’ll be on street.tird and ready for peace. Any suggestions? Tried silence, shameing, screaming, leaving, calling law ( who sides with him he’s sick and can’t walk). Can’t get him out. Thanks for listening and it helps, but got long road to hold.may GOD help me and save me from the ???????.

  2. wow yep street angel, home devil 18 years i lived with it …..even now MR NICE GUY does it ..if i complained that others even complete strangers got better attention he pulled the social responsibility card on me …me and my son where often just abandoned in times of need while mr nice guy attended the needs of others ..especially if we where having a crisis like a death or problem with the kids ..he aways went elsewhere to get supply then when our son was doing VCE mr nice guy started to snarl at me and ultimately went for aniliation …thank god now i have space to heal thanks to you meleniie

  3. Again you have discussed the exact behaviour of the person I was involved with,the only person in my family who accepted him and stuck up for him was my sister who he claimed to like, when she passed away he couldn’t or wouldnt come to funeral couldn’t even send flowers and then the next week he is attending the funeral of someone he hardly knew to impress his friends,has never been there for me ever when I needed the support ,but thanks to you I do not need his kind of support anymore IM on the way to healing and will always be grateful to you

  4. I’ve made every mistake posdible6. I’ve given him do much negative validation it’s driven me insane. I’ve cried to him. I’ve begged for decency. I outed him. I look like the crazy one. He’s played so many mindgames. Texting me claiming he doesn’t know me. I truly think he’s convinced himself to avoud the deep something he may feel that he doesn’t know me and he is someone else. I’m in the midst of losing my home. My teenage son is having to mobe away this school year because I need to rebuild every bit of my life. This man took 8k in loans in 18 months fr me ( 25k from me in 3years) and has gone silent in a sense and refused to pay me a dime. Knowing I had no groceries. no money. He had cost me my job. etc. The cruel cold non human way he is to me and I was so good to him. He left came back 6x and I feel so stupid.
    Now he’s out living it up w all his money he now has. Sharing it w all. It’s been so hard but past 7 months his cold cruel ways I’m literally feeling I need to consider my own self dead to him. That I have to get away. I’ve sued him for the money and let that play out.
    But I have to stop contact at all. Even to the insane fake person he created. Literally forget he exists and work on me. I’m moving he won’t know where I am or a new job. Have to get out from under his control. I feel he isn’t paying helping acknowledging as a control tactic. That he will try use that to re enter my life one day. The damage he’s caused is surreal. The lack of remorse empathy caring just enormous.
    Everyone thinks he’s this great guy. Charming. and earned all he has. That yes its im delusional.. I hope he keeps repeating his lifelong pattern. All I know is I won’t be here for a 7th discard. He can keep his silent treatment n cruelty forever to himself.
    I’m taking a break from all the places I used to go. The people. social media. Work on me and then emerge a better me. Stronger me. And away from anything I could ever feel for him. He’s fake. I know the truth and that has to mean enough for me.
    I feel like he still has a plan for me but I’m making the new plan for me on my own. I’ve just never seen a grown 44yr old man ever or anyone have this type of behavior and I hope I never do again.

  5. I have experienced and been hurt by this many times over the years, in my family of origin. I have also been guilty of this very thing inside of my own current family unit. It’s this very dischord (is it called cognitive dissonance?) that has felt like a huge part of my desire for, and catalyst to change. Grow. Heal. The very hurt I’ve suffered since I was a child, and know intimately the pain of, I’ve created and am creating for others. Others that I love so very dearly. My children.

    I’m so happy to feel more awake, and feel like I have some tools to use to really heal. I’m excited for myself moving forward (still slightly confused, fearful and fucking up daily – but that’s real), hopeful for my daughters that they won’t carry the same confusion and pain forward into their adult lives, and proud to be on the journey that I’m on.

    Thanks Melanie (and all the other resources that have helped me along the way). Currently working NARP ❤️

  6. Melanie, you are an angel sent from heaven. Thank you for being so intelligent, insightful, spiritual, and compassionate. You have changed my life, as I now know how to heal myself. Many blessings!!!

  7. My husband and I have been battling from narc abuse from our son. We even moved to another city to escape. We have 2 grandsons one we have never seen, the other we last saw 3 years ago. We are not allowed to send them gifts. He has turned everyone against us even our daughter now who believes everything he says. The abuse seems to follow us even though there’s been no contact for 3 years. We find your resources so valuable. We are still struggling but hope time will heal.

    1. Hi Mo,

      I am so sorry you have gone through this … I can’t even begin to imagine how painful that would be.

      Please Mo I really urge you to come into my free webinar so that you can experience HOW to truly heal from this … https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar … because at that level – where you get to experience releasing trauma from the inside – you will notice a profound difference in how you can heal.

      Mel xo

      1. Thank you Melanie for your support. It’s hard to find anyone who really understands just what we are going through emotionally and financially ( having had the business stolen from us too). We are going to join the NARP programme too as we really need to move forward before all this destroys us. Many thanks again.

      2. The reason the ‘narcissist’ (suspected) is nice to everyone-else & mean to you, is asked & answered in the question itself: ‘You are an asshole or; most likely the ‘real’ narcissist (as I expect “you” are, dear woman).

    2. I’ve been divorced from a narcissist controlling vindictive materialistic woman for almost 5 years. We were married for 12 years. Everything I’ve read is so true about my ex. Unfortunately I have lost my 16 year old son and 13 year old daughter. I’ve fought to keep positive and happy for so long that I have nothing left to give. My kids told me a year and a half ago that they couldn’t fight their mother and they had to do what she said. It hurt so much to hear that. My poor daughter was finally brainwashed this summer and my baby girl who loved her daddy now has no communication with me. I unfortunately gave up on my son because he has turned into his narcissistic mother. I couldn’t continue to defend myself from his lies and smear campaigns and his mother. He even went after his grandmother, my mom who is 78 yrs old with his campaigns. My baby girl is doing home school this year because she all of a sudden couldn’t get along with anyone at school because they were bad people. I am signing papers to give the ex full custody and I know I’ll never see or hear from my kids again. I have been beat down so much that I just can’t fight anymore. And my ex continues her smear tactics while having a career as a dietitian in a health care office. No one knows how horrible a person she is but one day maybe things will change with my kids but I’ve given up. In this case the narcissist has won.

      1. Dont loose your self after such traumatic experience u need to focus on not loosing ur self…u need to connect with groups who share the same pain as all of us…and suport each other

      2. I am relieved to see that there are other men besides me that deal with a narcissistic woman
        Mostly what you research are all about narcissistic men

    3. OMG!!!!! I have to first say….thank GOD you guys have eachother. I am 46. My mother is a full blown covert malignant narc and sister the biggest golden child to ever exist. My older brother is like the lost child. He is aware, knows and has seen, so it helps me cause he does validate things for me. But, he stays quiet in everything. I’ve been no contact with mom n sister for 4 yrs now. So at 18 I had a daughter. This daughter is now 28, no relationship with her because she is just like mom n sister. I have 3 grandkids, it’s hard. I try to tolerate her for them, but every single thing she knows or finds out, she tells my mom n sister. So we do not talk about anything at all. My middle daughter is 20. No issues. My son is 17. He is a lot like my family. I’m commenting because of your issue with your own narc child. Ive went through a life time of psychological and emotional abuse. This led me to a opiate addiction, pain pills. Ive been clean over 4 yrs. my son calls me a piece of shit daily, a bitch daily, multiple times, I’m weird, crazy, all of it. He says nobody likes me and that’s why nobody wants to be around me. It’s hurtful, to say the least. I’m not a bad person. I just think, WHY my kids?????? Why? Why is he like that to me. I have raised my kids by myself. Ive always been a good mom. Last night he was fine, this morning he woke up and said “you stupid ass bitch, your a fucking weird ass bitch”, just because I didnt want the puppy by me. My older daughter will pick him up and he will be with her allllll day. I am never invited or anything at all. It’s like I’m reliving my hell with my mother n sister that I left and went no contact with. They’d do the same exact stuff. I’m at a point in my life where I just want to move away and never come back. I’m single and have no family. It is so hard. The isolation is the worst! My son tells me to kill myself and says he hopes I get cancer or die in a car accident. He is not normal at all. That’s not normal. Ive had my issues over the years, but it was at no fault of my own. I was born with a narc mom. It took me years to figure it out. I never had support or help at all. Ive done the best I could with what I was given. But to have your own kids turn on you and not support you or understand, it’s a whole other kind of hurt. My family would be ecstatic if they knew my son was the way he was to me. They’d be so happy. Am I wrong for wanting to up and leave and never look back?

  8. This is my mother, I really appreciate this article, rings so true to me. Not enough said about narcissistic parents…… that is a whole new level. A lifetime of anxiety and self doubt. A lifetime of my mother projecting her failings onto me. She is the master of manipulation, particularly of my father. So much so that he joins in on the abuse under her instructions. It has been a journey to really see this after 44 years. After nearly 2 years I have worked on myself to the point where I am a now a spectator in her circus. I see her as pathetic now. I had 18 months of not seeing my parents, which bought about a whole new level of abuse (via text and psychotic yelling down the phone). I am Trying to work on having some sort of relationship (only for my children’s sake – and my fathers)… This time I am calling the shots. She doesn’t like the new set of rules and uses it as a chance to abuse me again. The lying and degradation of me and my partner to my farther has been the hardest thing for me. My father believes her lies and joins in to abuse me under her instruction. My greatest regret is that my mother has stood between any healthy relationship with my father. Her jealousy and lies have made it impossible for me to have a relationship with him. Her manipulation of the truth making me look like the “crazy” one is text book. A visit at my mother’s home was like entering a spiders web and being suck dry. Leaving with nothing left, emotionally exhausted. Melanie I would love you to do an episode or whole chapter on the issues I have raised here. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wisdom.

    1. Hi Kylie,

      I am so pleased this resonated with you – and please know that there are many Thrivers in this Community who came from narcissistic parents.

      The healing system, Quanta Freedom Gealing is identically effective for all types of trauma – including childhood narcissistic abuse.

      The information I could give on this – truly is not the healing – it would simply be information. (Does that make sense?).

      Absolutely I can have this as a topic (I more than likely will write on that) – and if you ready and wanting to heal and Thrive then the best way to do that is come into my free webinar https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar and experience QFH – which is releasing trauma directly from your Being.

      Mel xo

    2. Kylie, research covert narcissism. And research how lower level narcissists partner with higher level narcissists in order to gain narcissistic supply. Also, research “flying monkeys.” If your father is able to abuse you under your mother’s instructions, he may not be as innocent as you think he is. Also, get Melanie’s program. You speak of “calling the shots” with your mother. I wouldn’t do that until you deal with your peptide addiction. Mel’s program does that.

    3. Hi Kylie, in reading your post it seems we may have the same mother, be about the same age etc. My mother also completely manipulated my father, he has always been her cheerleader etc. I also have children and thought long and hard about going no contact. I was told in the beginning to try setting firm boundaries with them – and also told that in all likelihood this wouldn’t work – that they would ramp up their abusive behaviour in light of my boundaries; and they did. After a couple of years of that I decided ‘no contact’ was a the healthier choice for my family and myself. I am still in sporadic communication with my mother – short things a couple of times via email, no visits. I have discovered over the past 5 years that nothing changes, that perhaps nothing can change with them, they simply are who they are and I’ve learnt to accept this at a deep level. I have love and compassion for them, but can’t have them in my life anymore, it’s too destructive.
      I was struck in your note about your desire to have a relationship with your father, and how your mother makes this not possible. For most of my life this was my interpretation also. However over the past while I have come to see it differently, and I’ll share this with you; I have come to see that my father is a grown man perfectly capable of making his own decisions, and choosing his own choices. He has chosen to never stand up for his relationship with me. He has chosen not to value me and my children – over pleasing my mother (by siding with her). In looking back, he never really was capable of having a relationship with me by itself: it always somehow facilitated my mother, or occurred with her approval. In some ways I consider that my mother does have some responsibility – she has portrayed me in a negative light to him consistently, and can be so manipulative – yet it was always his choice to accept (or not) what she had to say. I don’t view my mother as standing in his way between us anymore. His choices are simply his choices for a myriad of reasons.
      About 4-5 years ago I joined NARP – it has saved me. Wishing you and your family deep healing.

      1. Hi Sylvia
        Thank you for your note and for your story. I agree… Father makes his own decisions. It seems we have the same Father as well. Do you have siblings? How has this situation impacted on your relationship with your siblings? I would have to say that it has made me closer to mine which I am thankful for. After reading my replies, it tells me I have some way to go on this journey. NARP seems to be the way to go. Thank you again.

    4. Couldn’t agree more. I am in this position myself and only really awakened to what was going on, 18 months ago. I’m now 53, healing slowly thanks to the fantastic ongoing support offered by Melanie and others. I particularly like Ross Rosenberg’s advice “Observe, don’t absorb”. I draw on it whenever my mother delves into her toolbox of tricks-the ranting down the phone, insistent that I can’t possibly be right and continual manipulation some of it overt, other attempts more subtle. Much of it accompanied by vitriol and barely contained rage when I don’t react, I can now see it for what it is-her thwarted efforts to gain narcissistic supply. Mel, would love it if you could do an episode on narcissistic parent(s) and enabler which I think is the role my poor father has found himself in.

  9. Melanie…thank you so much for this video. I am the adult child of a narcissistic mother and spent my life suffering the mind games and wrath behind closed doors. To the outside world my mother was charming, incredibly giving to others and the consummate hostess. She has passed on but I remember certain times in my life where I “outted” some of her abusive behaviors and was completely disbelieved.
    Now, in my 50’s, I am getting divorced from a Narc 10 times worse than my mother in terms of punishment and devaluation but not nearly as charismatic and charming to all and sundry. She is estranged from her entire family and has no real friends and I can say that many people are put off by her. Yet there is ONE HUGE EXCEPTION: her patients. She is a nurse and is loved and adored by the people she heals back to health.
    Another anomaly….She is loving, warm, giving and attentive to her children, seemingly “normal”, so I don’t understand how this can be when there is no great Narc supply as you said in your video.
    Could you explain this Mel?
    Thanks and much love,
    Lynn xx

  10. Melanie, you hit the nail on the head with this. Only problem is I still feel so many turned their backs on ME , and cannot understand how or why, even my own now grown children show me no empathy. I am nearly 60, spent over 22 years in that ‘relationship'( such a sham) and while I feel I’ve worked out my codepency issues, have not been a magnet for anything. If anything at all, only more lowlifes or mostly nothing. At least nipped most in the bud and did not get burned again ( only one long distance relationship with an even worse narc). Seems at this age and stage even more offensive that men I’ve encountered still behave this way and are so disrespectful. The utter isolation, loneliness is extreme and acute. Even old friends are scarce. I never tried to explain things to them cause did not want to foul mouth him, wanted to protect my privacy and as you correctly say, they would never have understood or believed me anyway. While sure I am free to care for myself etc. it is incredibly lonely and I long for affection, love, caring, support, sharing both to give and receive these . It’s not great experiencing life and facing the remainder of it so alone.

    1. Don’t feel too bad. Im just started the divorce prcoess from mine. He has turned the few friends he let me have against me. He stops at nothing and claims he’s the victim. The way I look at it is I will be done with him in a few months bur it will be hell. He is a lying, cheating snake in the grass. His brother and mom are the same. It just feels good not to have him around anymore. Keep doing rhe work and try the group meet up and meet some new friends.

      1. I am currently going through the pain of being a victim. I have painted as a stalker, delusional, etc. He went as far as to send e-mails to my employers stating that I was delusional and had stalked him at work. He has taken me to court claiming harassment, and the judge dismissed the case, and told him the relationship was clearly consensual. His latest allegations are that I sent a book to his son and dresses to his daughter in his wife’s name. He stooped so low to have a former co-worker contact me via phone and text. Because I won’t respond back to his false allegations, he has threatened to take me to court.

  11. So many pieces fell into place for me listening to this, absolutely spot on and I’m so grateful that you can articulate the mess that is a Narc, it helps me so much. While listening to this I kept saying to myself ‘Smile, the first miracle is on its way..’, a mantra picked up from somewhere but I truly smiled so much hearing this, I’ve come so far in this journey and your webinars are always pertinent to where I’m at. Thank you!

  12. This episode rang true for me. Ten years with a narc who was publicly generous, when the generosity scored supply, but not generous otherwise. E.g. At a charity auction would spend up big, but despite a very good income gave very little to charity when the donation would be anonymous. I was also often the recipient of generous presents, but was rejected if I wanted her time or for her to help out with my projects or interests: unless doing so was in public and would lead to narcissistic supply for her. I was always expected to fully engage and contribute to her projects. She was always offering to help and “rescue” anyone else (often roping me in as her 2nd in charge), and stupidly I went along with it for years.

    Your work was the eye opener for me Melanie, and your videos and NARP program are helping me to move on to a great narc free future. I found it hard when the relationship really started to fall apart to realise that most friends and acquaintances still think she’s wonderful, but I’ve learnt to only share with a small trusted few. In the end it doesn’t matter that others don’t understand that my ex was emotionally abusive, the important thing is that I finally named it for myself. Moving on from the cognitive dissonance is very liberating!

  13. Melanie, you are a life saver, Thank you. As I begin the long process of extracting myself from my 35 year relationship with a narc, and work on healing myself, I look forward to and drink in your topical presentations. They have pulled me through dark days of doubt lonliness and despair. Thank you!

  14. An amazing and timely video, sometimes I think you’re listening to the voices in my head. Just when I think I’m the crazy one and there’s no hope for healing another video comes out and not only does it hit the nail on the head, but you give specific examples of the exact same things I’m dealing with (like a child that’s been convinced that I was cheating on my ex).

    Thank you so much for doing these video, they really give me hope.

  15. Can I just say that I love your videos and especially this one! I am about to work your magic on a guy (or is that on myself) that is totally narcissistic and at best I keep my business as he is also my business partner (well 51% shareholder) and at worst I will lose my business. Either way I will be free of this guy after 6 years and I know it’s time and your videos are there right behind me.

    Thanks Mel X0

  16. I was with mine on and off for 15 years. He did something that set the stage for me to thrown in the towel. I woke one seven months ago and said no more. I told him that I knew what he was doing and that I will not be apart of this charade anymore. I have not heard from him since. I think he knows he has exhausted all avenue with me and there is nothing left for him to try to get me to be at his beck and call. Things were just so obvious that he was seeing another source of supply but he did not want to disconnect from me either. Once you find out what they are and they realize you know, there is no more manipulation they can try with you. I started with setting boundaries with him (this was new to him with me). I started demanding respect, my needs, etc. He couldn’t meet my needs to he went to his new supply (not really new) she was there all alone. She didnt know about me, but I know who she is and obviously, she thought she was the only one.
    At first, I was getting a few hoovers via text and a knock on my windows from time to time, which I did not respond. Hopefully, this is the end. They are really master manipulators but once you realize what they are and who they are, you can move on. Don’t make the mistakes I made thinking they have changed. They can’t. He told me one time that “one woman is not enough for a man.” I should have listened. There has been woman after woman with him. Done for good!!!

    1. Hi Shirley,

      I totally agree that when we are done – there is no more supply to get, and they move on.

      Well done for calling it, standing in it and knowing your are worth so much more 🙂

      Mel xo

  17. I love you Melanie, my sweet friend. I am still healing and feeling more and more alive with every passing year. Still using your advice and tools, and so grateful that I am now able to encourage and support other women who are where I was 5 years ago. You don’t hear from me much, but know that I am growing and feeling the rewards and validation of wholeness from self-partnering. People ask me all the time how I can live and be so happy after 32 years of being abused. I smile and share my testimony which of course includes you, quantum healing, and the power of loving myself. You will always be a huge part of my healing and empowerment, being able to finally love myself…and see myself as the woman of worth that I am. I love you sweetie!! ???

    1. Awww darling Teresa,

      I was only thinking of you the other day Dear Fellow Thriving Sister.

      I love you so much too Teresa and knowing you are continuing to glow brighter gives me boundless joy!

      I also love that you are reaching out to help others.

      That is what the Thriver Movement is … a ripple that heals so many 🙂

      Lots of love to you darling

      Mel xoxox

  18. Thank you Melanie for another amazing video. I was brought up by two narcissistic parents and it’s very true that they are wonderful to everyone else and at home can be very cruel.
    It took me many years to realise that this wasn’t normal and that the most cruel person to me in this relationship was myself.
    I didn’t love and value myself and would go as far as body harming, causing unbearable pain and embarrassment.
    Thanks to gradual awakening and QFH I’m on the greatest path to becoming a ‘full time thriver’!
    It took me very long to understand why I was body harming and how to stop. I couldn’t find any useful information out there regarding this issue.
    I was doing the healings and feeling much better with each day but would still continue the painful rituals.
    Then I came across your article about ‘how to become vulnerable with yourself and self sooth and bingo! This was exactly what I was missing in my recovery and had to learn in order to ‘come back to my body’ and connect fully as one.
    I became my own and only, unconditionally loving parent. Whenever I would feel the urge I would go in and talk to myself in the most loving and protecting way. I would comfort and reassure myself and reinforce the unconditional acceptance and admiration.
    It’s incredible how much space we gain in our life once we start clearing past traumas and learn how to self soothe…it’s such a freedom!
    I’ve managed to forgive myself and others, release major fears and learn how to self soothe and unconditionally love myself.
    Thank you Melanie for all your invaluable guidance

    PS. I would love you to make a video about the issue of body harming as this is such an embarrassing and difficult subject and I can imagine
    it could help many people to stop suffering in silence

  19. Hi, Melanie,

    Thank you for making me understand why it doesn’t matter what flying monkeys think and do until I can focus myself and heal my wounds! Why it’s necessary to know that one day I will be whole and a healthy person – mentally, emotionally and physically too! This is my guide line on the journey towards my authentic self. It gives me hope and meaning to never give up and believe that self-development is the key to free myself from any narcissistic abuse.

    Best wishes and smiling days!:)

  20. Yo! oh wo
    Melanie this is the story of major parts of my life! Hey people know that boys/men are also victims of such abuse.
    My father treated me like this, so did my 1st wife. & now I am trying to divorce another narcissistic wife. There were times I was ready to commit suicide she got me so crumpled down. I got severely physically ill from her xxxt several times. I lost good jobs due to her interfering with it. When I announced that I’ve had enough & want a divorce she said she agrees & would agree to a divorce settlement without making trouble. Then behind my back she got a tricky slimy lawyer & started making trouble. She also turned our children against me with her conniving lying mind tricks. She is also turning people around us against me with her evil lies.

    People pray for me to get out of this destructive marriage already!please!
    Thanks Melanie

  21. Hi Melonie
    I have been so educated from all your great videos and blogs,,and have healed a great deal,,19 years for me and a 17 year old son from the Narc,,my concern is my son,, we communicate and i see him about once a week i text him almost everyday,,he lives with his Narc father by his choice ,my heart ached when he choose to live with him,,,my concern is that i suspect my son is a Narc,,i watched your video about the children and to heal ourselfs first ,,i know you say we can’t change a Narc but how to i find out if my teen is a true Narc or just a selfish teenager right now, haha !! he has a lot of the same traits as his father,,i hate to talk negative of son ,,but is there a chance to help him while he still young,,,i want so much to protect him ,,it makes me cry almost everyday thinking he is so exposed to the toxic relationship,,he has come to me and vented about some of the selfish ways his father shows,,,,i just say “that is your Father’ and” i am sorry you are so frustrated “the great thing is my son and i have a good relationship ,,any advise you could recommend would be great,,,
    Cathy , from Canada

  22. Thank you Melanie this is so good. I need to hear this as my husband’s mother and sister-in-law have done the smear campaign on me in a small town. It has taken me to the edge several times. I have found it most painful when my husband doesn’t believe a word I have to say about what is happening. He prefers to believe they are wonderful people. Family members are a convenience supply for these narcs just as you say. I would love to see you write about these family dynamics and how it can undermine a marriage.
    Thankyou for your wise words.

    1. Hi Lisa,

      I am so pleased.

      I have already – there are others apart from this one too that may help:

      https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-when-your-friends-and-family-dont-support-you/ and please know you can apply this to a husband as well – the healing premise is the same. And of course it may end up being your bottom line with him – that he supports you or you will support yourself by no longer experiencing people who don’t support you.

      Wising you healing and breakthrough 🙂

      Mel xo

  23. I love your videos and I love you Melanie. What a courageous and wise woman you are, and such an inspiration too.

    Thank you thank you thank you for your videos. I find them extremely helpful, and spot on from my experiences with a narc husband, mother, stepfather and sisters.

    I was almost destroyed by these people. I felt so alone, so misunderstood and so confused. I really thought I was defective and losing my mind. Such gut wrenching feelings were endured that caused many physical symptoms in my body and I coped sometimes in unhealthy ways. It was a living nightmare, and many times I wanted to die. I really felt I would be doing everyone a favor, including our son, and they would be happy with me gone.

    The day that Narcissism came up on google when I was researching about abuse is the day things started to shift for me. It was a light bulb moment. I had never heard the word before then. What I read sounded so much like my husband. I hadn’t connected Mother (a title she does not deserve in my opinion) or anyone at that time, only him.

    When I read about gas lighting, my mouth was wide open because that was exactly what he had been doing to me, it was like I was reading about my husband. It was hard for me to accept then that people can actually be so cruel, and also that there is no hope for people like this to change. I now know that people can be VERY cruel, and some will NEVER change. Our Mother passed almost a year ago. I had always hoped and prayed she would change and learn to come from a place of LOVE, however she manipulated and used everyone right up until the end.

    It was the LOVE for our amazing and beautiful son that ended up fueling me to not give up hope of healing. It was tricky at times though, as part of me felt he would be better off without such an unwell Mom. When it was really hard I would look at his picture, and look deep into his brown eyes and try to imagine how he would feel with me gone. He had already lost his father when he was 6, so I tried to imagine what it would be like having no parents at all. I imagined it being really difficult for him and him being lost and many other things, and this gave me strength to keep on healing, even though it seemed almost impossible at times and/or that it would take forever.

    Today I am doing well with my healing. I still get knocked on my bottom sometimes from flashbacks, night terrors, triggers and anxiety attacks, however they are less and less the more I heal and grow. I have healed from bulimia, self harm, suicidal idealization, disassociation and more. I used to be ashamed to admit any of those things, however not anymore. I now know how strong I am to overcome all of these things. I have learned many tips and tricks, and gained many tools now to assist me with getting through challenging times. I know I got this now, ONE moment at a time. What an amazing feeling.

    Thank you once again Melanie for all that you do to raise awareness about this horrendous abuse.

    Love and Light

    Catherine

    1. Hi Catherine,

      thank you for your lovely words 🙂

      You are so welcome and I am so pleased I could help.

      That is wonderful like myself, you didn’t give up hope for your healing … I can so relate to that school of thought, when we were that low, thinking our child would be better off without us.

      That is so wonderful you fought on for you and him and for (really) humanity itself.

      Sending you many blessings and continued Thriving Catherine.

      Mel xo

      Catherine

  24. For all you narc-survivors out there. Own your pain. Don’t rush it. Healthy safety is an incredibly LONG process…..! My narc tormentor is handicapped, and has been able to torture the kids and me for years, years, and years. After the divorce, he’s been able to sue me, despite the cruelty. (I didn’t ask for one penny. Just safety.) All the attention – positive end negative – gives him energy. So – when there is NO quick escape – relax. The more the narc attacks, the more you relax. “Let it be”, and don’t respond, any more than the court demands. Remember that narcissists are torture-dependent. They’re unable to survive without torturing others. If you’re in a cage, and the courts won’t let you out – go on with your life. Be YOU. Lots of “down” time. Slow down. Even if a narcissist turns violent – your “NO” to that — your act of self love, is precious. It’s everything. Lots of love to everyone out there – feeling afraid and alone.

  25. Since taking the step to finally become a Gold NARP member, the wheels are really starting to turn. This video is my father and last relationship combined into one. I understand now how the abuse happened. All the previous posts, the horrific stories and abuse that staggers normal comprehension……I went through also!!! The most amazing thing is that, thanks to you Melanie, it will never repeat again!!! Yes, it will take some time and practice to get there………Already,I can watch your videos, and learn from them…..but the trauma and angst about it all has been removed with HOPE and HAPPINESS for the FUTURE. I have been a fan and have followed you for years…….It is so great to finally come to a place that really feels like a home I can trust.

    1. Hi Ocean Breeze,

      I am so pleased you are self-partnering, healing and feeling empowered.

      That SO starts to happen when the trauma is released and space opens for much better feelings.

      Wishing you many blessings!

      Mel xo

  26. Thank you Melanie for putting the missing pieces of this puzzle together. I had never understood this until now. Your explanation helps very much!

  27. Your website has been of great help to me. All of the different videos really helped me. I found out 1 1/2 years ago that i was dealing with narcissists, my wife, her brother, and their mother. For almost 20 years i could not figure out what was wrong and why these people acted this way. I simply could not figure it out. I was doing the best i could with the situation at hand. I am quite well aware of the masks that the narcissists wear. I know all about the narcissist who is wonderful everywhere else but at home where the mask is taken off. Co parenting with a narcissist is never an easy thing. It leaves you drained of all of your resources, financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. One begins to wonder to thyself if it is all worth it in the end. A month or so ago, i was able to let go of a lot of the hurt and anguish that had built up inside of me. It was a hard thing to do, just letting go. It is always easier to have others forgive you for your faults than it is for you to forgive others for their faults. I credit several different resources, yours being one of them. I feel a lot better now. I feel as if a weight has been taken off of me. I am still with my wife as divorce isn’t an option. There are other things that are going on that make it so. I was able to set up boundaries with my wife, her brother, and their mother. I trying to go no contact with my wife’s brother. Things still come up from time to time but it seems as if those things don’t bother me as much anymore. Thank you.

  28. I found this information to be so affirming
    And true
    And supportive.
    I can almost not absorb the power of mine that this realization restores to me.
    Thank you very much.

  29. Melanie, the narcissist is my 17yo daughter. And no this did not start in her teens. She has been this way starting at a very young age. I saw it coming on very early. Every thing I read or watch about narcissists are about the partner. The advice always includes to get out as a vital step. I am her mother. I simply could not get out of the relationship. I have endured years of repeated abuse and my self esteem was in the toilet. I have come a long way towards becoming whole bit only AFTER she became more independent and she simply was not around anymore AND after I completely let go of any notion that she should or would eventually mature enough to finally see the importance of pitching in to the family team. But the abuse continues. When it happens I go into a tailspin but I am recovering faster each time as time goes on. Anyway I certainly, as you can probably understand, that I have conflicting geelings about removing her from my life. Because since I am her mother, the grieving over loosing my daughter I am not sure I will survive that either. As a parent I want to see her grow healthfully. She is not aware of the seriousness of her problem. My son and husband do not deny she is brutal with me and no one else. She herself even delights in telling me she only treats me this way. My family tells me I have to learn to not take it personally. And they are right but I don’t think they get what is really going on here. What do I do? I will keep working on myself of course. But now I have cancer and i don’t feel I will heal until I remove this negativity from my life. I am in such a dilemma amd I feel it is hopeless. Can you show me where or how there may be hope? Thank you.

    1. Hi Summer,

      I can’t even begin to mane how painful that would be, what you are going through with your daughter. My heart goes out to you.

      This resource that I created may help: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-if-your-child-has-narcissistic-tendencies/

      And I so believe we have to heal deeply inside when confronted with any big trauma in our life – especially something this big. Summer have you come into one of my free webinars? https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I know it can help you so much.

      Mel xo

  30. Melanie, I just joined up on the advice of a friend. This particular video is very important to me today. On Monday there was a custody hearing. He was able to manipulate the custody evaluator as well as a judge and a guardian at Leitem. The comments were that he was such a nice person. Hearing that felt like a kick to the stomach. I’ve come to understand he’s never going to change, while the court seems to think I’m being unreasonable in this believe. What they don’t know is how long it took me to come to understand this. I was married to a narc for six years. I left in secret with my children when he started to become violent. Yet somehow he tried to convince everyone that he was the victim. I have been reeling since Monday’s court hearing where they gave him 50% of custody. I was traumatized and devastated, because I couldn’t believe that no one could see who he is. Your video today however has given me some peace. Peace to know that it’s not my responsibility and my duty to make sure they know who he is, so that I can protect my children. Somehow that releases me from some of that devastation. I am just starting on this journey, but I do know that I cannot continue to live the way that I have. I feel like a kid at Christmas and my gift is the prospect of being able to move on from this. Today you gave me the gift of hope. Thank you. I would love it if you would share any information on your blog about how to support children who have a narcissistic parent in their lives. A lot of my hurt over Monday’s hearing is wrapped up in my concern for my children.

    1. Hi Karen,

      my heart goes out to you.

      There is nothing that pulls on our hearts strings and fears as much as the concern for our children.

      Karen, please know I do have many resources regarding our children that I know will help you. Please google my name + children + coparenting and they will come up.

      Also I would love you to come into my free webinar – so that for your and your children you can learn quickly how to release trauma and become the most solid, healthy example to them that you can at this very important time, and as the ongoing healthy influence in their life.

      http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  31. Hi everyone. I was married with one for 32 years. We had a 35 years relationship with two adult children, ages 26 and 31. Just last april the divorce was finale. He still can believe it. He thinks we are going to get back together. My overall health was mess up due to the relationship. Im in recovery mode. Wish you all the best!

  32. Im just breaking free from 15 years of this nightmare….i call it his process…ive been through his process so many times i started writing down exactly what he would say his excuse if you will before he gave it….then id show it to him. He tried to belittle me….disregard me. Oh famous for running off to help someone when we or actually as it turned out i needed help. There is always a we card thrown when it benefits him….but essetially im on my
    Own i used to say when he did something horrible…hey if your cool with it im cool with it…he would throw a fit and say im making it something it isnt. He was never ok with me saying well if you can do it so can i…oh nooooo no no however these websites saved me because at my worst.. It was a horrid nightmare i nearly lost my mind…my kids. My life. Thank god i found you mte….one day i just typed in google exactly what happened and what he said…boom here you were. God bless and thank you . thank you thank you

  33. I am still with my narssist husband after 17 years of abusive relationship even I tried to break it off 10 years ago. I raised 5 of his kids since they were very young from his first married. He critisised me for everything. The way I think, the way I talk, the way I helped to raise his kids and the way I work with him and the way he hates me being clean. I thought I was the crazy one and I have problems and tried to see physiologists for many years to fix my anger towards him. He told his friends, family, his kids and our staff I was a crazy and an angry woman. No one can work with me. He fired me so many time over the last 17 years but then asked me to go back and work with him again. He said he needs me and he needs help. However, when I go back to work for him, he treated like I didn’t exist. He is sooooo nice to everyone in the office except me. He didn’t talk to me and always hurry me up. When things goes wrong, I am the incompetent one and I didn’t do my job.

    I raised 5 kids with him. They are all grown up now. He always reminds me on Mother’s Day I did a bad job for his kids. So I decided I didn’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day anymore. Then he put guilt on me and said Mother’s Day is not about me, it is about the kids.
    I have depression and haven’t been happy for many many years. I am all alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to. If I talk to someone, he will blame me and say how dare I share our story with someone. He is a high profile person and this will spoil his reputation. Since then I stop talking to anyone. So from outside oook inside, he is a perfect husband and I am the angry woman who doesn’t know how to appreciate her husband. I have stopped defend myself.
    We supposed to go in a separate away a year ago. However two days before we moved out from our house, I beg him to stay. I told him I will make change and things between us will get better. I felt I was addicted to him. We moved to a new home and we were good for a month. Then everything back to “normal”. Even I did everything he asked me to and I didn’t angry to anything he says. I am still the”wrong one”. I am exhausted. I tried to get help again. I started to search for an answer again. I found your website. This remind me all the things he did in the past and all are so true. I realised I am not the crazy one. He will never happy with me no matter what I’d do and say. I want to get out but we have young son together. I really don’t want to hurt my son and I want to give him a happy family. I am sooo lost about should I stay or leave.

    I

  34. I am married to a narcissistic it has been 30 years of a lonely voiceless marriage. Just got the courage to separate and he went AWAL I never thought he would leave. He always threatened me he would but never did. I got the courage to stand up and say I was done and he went totally MIA. I am starting to understand that it was him and not me well actually the last two years I have started standing up and speaking out. I have always known it was him but I tried so very hard to fix him. He just refused any love I had. It got progressively worse.
    I find my self now feeling that I should move on and seek another and wondering if I am doing the right thing. I know he will NEVER give me a divorce and the funds are not there for me to hire an attorney. The more I think of having a real partner the stronger I feel about complete forever emotionally being separated from him. Am I fooling myself? It is not about weather I stay any more but about being me and finding a coequal.

  35. Does the narc ever receive the karma for every wrong they do to people? Do other people eventually recognize they are bad people?

    1. I don’t think so. What’s interesting to me is how I feel the law of attraction works in their favor. Mine was highly successful in every area cause he truly believes to his core he deserves it and then good things would just happen. I think the only karma is they will never experience what it’s like to be truly loving to a relationship partner, but even then they don’t know what they have never had.

  36. This video is simply brilliant and explained a lot to me.
    I have just broken up with my NPD mistress, (I always saw the red flags,but I did not understand anything), who has a 7 year old manchild. I loved that little boy,like he was mine, and cared of him and his mother always,sometimes more than I could bear (financially and spiritually, too).
    Poor little boy… and poor me…
    She treated us like crap,always raging,yelling, saying that she is not a slave for serving us, washing for us, cook for us.I never asked to do it, lately I ordered food from online to avoid arguments, but the same LP album repeated.I am not your slave,go to your mother, she will cook for you.(My mother is 81,so I cook for her,I clean the house etc.)
    Sometimes I could hear th argument with her ex,the father of this small boy,same staff, a bit softer tone.
    She was really an angel anywhere,charming,kind but with us, the two guys, the small and the big one,she was evil.Only with us.Even my best friends would not believe me, so I finished complaining and explaining anything about her to my friends.
    I broke up with her 10 days before Xmas.On every possible channel she tried to reach out.(sms,viber,phone call,fb messenger)
    I went totally NC. I have utter disgust for this woman, God forgive me.
    I am tired and exhausted, and feel really sorry for the little child, who had to stay there,but I can not help him anymore, unfortunately.
    I could finally ran away.
    She is sick and needs help,but I do not care anymore.
    I am free.

  37. Im so so down, Im so emitionally ruined! He has taken my life chewed it up and spit it out! Im nothing now he has taken away my strength, my happiness, my respect, my dignity, my beauty, my love, my life and now im an empty shell. I am just starting to watch your videos and realize what the h—- is going on! I went to a therapist and tried to explain what was happening and i couldnt. You have explained him to a tee. I have been with him 25 years and havent had sex in 15 years and have never been so unloved so unappreciated and fealt so beneath him. The harder I try the more he brings me down, so what do I do, I try even harder! Im down so far now I have to leave him! Im scared hes taken my name off the credit cards and has accused me of being the problem when im only taking care of my family and living expenses. Telling everyone its me and then he buys himself another car. My only daughter thinks he is the best and if i try to tell her she wont listen so Im alone! I have no friends I lost contact with them when i married him. I just quit my job it was to hard going to work m putting on a happy face when inside im dieing! Ive got to leave him, I sat in my car in a closed garage with it running for 4 hours and he left me out there. I guess I was hoping he would come save me, he didnt. I need to leave I need to start over! Watching your tapes Im starting to realize what Im up against. Im gona start looking for a new job n move out. I am going to keep watching your quantum tools and try to start loving myself and getting away from this horrible life. I am 54 years young and lifes short being unhappy and letting someone take away who you are is so so wrong!

    1. Gena, get onto doing Narp pronto pronto…only way to heal yourself…..excellent support on forum. ……don’t wait, do it, I promise you’ll never look back.

  38. Thank you so much for all of your work Melanie. You are very insightful, and so good at putting your insights into words for those that are healing and need to hear exactly what you have inside of you.

  39. I’m finally free!, 15 years with my emotionally abusive narcissist ex fiancé, I’m just so grateful when he disrespected our engagement i had the sense to say no I’m not marrying DI. He charmed me at the start buying gifts dinning out etc, they say the devil is tempting he would tempt me with food, animals and technology, all to get me to stay trapped in his mind games they are so 2 faced, omg Melanie it hit me hard when you said street angel home devil, no one would believe what he put me through his near evil temper, when he got me the cracks started to show, he would go into sudden abrupt rages if he didn’t agree with something i said his way or the high way kinda attitude shouting at me to get out his house basically, he threatened me many a time his fists up at my face, he would throw things at me mock and belittle me, our engagement was a joke which caused me nothing but humiliation, my only comfort through his 2 faced torment, my animals they have helped me heal through this nightmare.
    I feel for anyone going through this know you are not alone and that you can be free nothing is truly stopping you being free of them run and never look back your mind body and soul will thank you, light has returned to my eyes now I’m free of him, their lack of empathy breaks my heart I loved him wanted to help him of course he always denied having a problem no I’m too sensitive he would say, so i should just be shouted at and have things thrown at me whenever he felt like it, i don’t think so!, I’m so wounded traumatised from the fact I was living a lie with someone who could never really truly love, they can never admit they have a problem it’s always your fault if things don’t go their way, but omg they will go out of their way for anyone else, and basically ignore you while they do so, it’s sickening and damaging to the soul the way they play with your feelings, i never wanted to believe he was a narcissist in fact I still can’t accept it, but it’s what a few of my friends had been trying to tell me, they noticed how angry and controlling he is, has no respect for me, I’ve called him out on his cruelty told him I see through him now, told him he’s a narcissist all he said was ooh you’ve learned a big word!
    i lost count the nights i would cry myself to sleep because of him, and feel so unloved i wanted to die.
    I did not want to burden my family with this my family and friends I’m truly grateful for, they have been so loving and supportive, i feel I’m a shell of who I used to be, it will be ok though anyone who’s going through this and is finally out free of them it will be ok you will heal take time for you and remember your own self worth they tried to destroy it but now you have been blessed the chance to rebuild it, you will be happy again, you are worthy of love, i wish you healing and strength to move on be truly happy again.

    1. Hi sweetheart,
      I am touched by your story, I have been through much of the same. I kicked mine out a year ago but still I struggle to keep my head above water. The NARP program working though the modules really does help though and you dont have to lean on anyone else to do them.
      I wish you all the best too in your recovery from the constant trauma..

  40. I believe that I have been going out with s narcissist for two years to this day 13 th feb . He promised the world delivered nothing , even taking me to see expensive engagement rings on my first visit to his beautiful island ( I think I was more taken with the place than the person ) to cut a long and utterly painful story short I’ve never argued with anyone so much in my life . Thd first rug he pulled under my feet was when he went to visit his ex girlfriend in Antigua to ask her opinion about something he should have asked me about being his current girlfriend , I call it a holiday with an ex. He came to beg forgiveness after three days on this ‘holiday’ but the damage was truly done , I preservered with him and he got under my skin again , I’ve s business to run in the U.K. and he has one on his island thd idea was to settle there and I would give up my business and help run his. Then after another disagreement he went to Florida to see his third wife (ex) supposedly to get the divorce papers . Yes alarm bells ringing on 3rd wife . Then he came to uk and we went to Venice after much arguing about this last ‘trip’ which I felt should have been done with me . In Venice he abandoned me in s restaurant after I was checking my phone to see if anything was going on in the area that night , the arguement escalated that night to a physical fight . I was chucked out of the hotel room by him , that’s how I spent my 50th birthday evening . No present either btw . I m always determined never to speak to him again but he works his way in and I almost forget how bad it’s been , hoping for the fairytale he promises . My family can’t stand him and don’t know why I put up with him but I’m almost drawn to his intensity and declarations of love . Well he now wants me to leave thd uk my business and 18 year old daughter to Work (for him) on his paradise island with a ‘let’s see how it goes’ attitude to the marriage that was lined up over s year ago , if I didn’t have the commitments snd fsmily I know I would go knowing how bad it can be because he sold me a dream . I said to him that he should sell ppi insurance or second hand cars as he peddles bullshit like a pro . Please give me Strength I feel it’s my last chance at whatever Love is but I know it’s toxicity he is selling . Ps I also found out that he had an ex in his house when he came to the uk to Persue me supposedly renting it , always texting him along with the other two I mentioned , and these the supply that I read about

    1. The other clues to him being a narcissist were an over inflated sense of self , arrogant, rewriting history aka gaslighting, Love bombing and manipulation . On the positive side he has been generous and swept me off my feet almost uncannily award of my thoughts too .

    2. Get out honey, do Melanies work through NARP…. it will only get worse and he will never deliver… 3 wives should tell you that straight off the bat. If he was so wonderful they would still be together surely?? Trustworthy people make it a point of pride and integrity to keep their word

  41. Newbie here. But not to the narcissistic wrath of my so called boyfriend. And I am currently living in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. But at least I am keen to the real situation. My heart just doesn’t always agree. Stupid heart. Lol

  42. I’m so glad I found this video, such an eye opener & I hope it will help me to grow out of my trauma. It’s all true, it’s hard to recognize the true dark personality of a narcissist until you experience/witness the evil behaviour yourself. Thanks so much Melanie for sharing this wonderful video!

  43. 30 years of this and I don’t have the strength to leave. He is all jokes and smiles when out of our home. Soon as he gets in the house it starts. The complaining, negativity, making you feel you are not good enough for him. Cleans constantly to make you feel inadequate. Treats me like he is my father.
    I would love a peaceful life. Maybe someday.

    1. At least he cleans. Our Narc leaves a disgusting mess and gets mad if you try and clean it up. He had to go into the hospital for a few weeks. We immediately set into cleaning and throwing stuff away. I used this time to get a lot of my stuff out of the house and into a storage facility in an undisclosed location. These people are unbelievably challenging. He has brothers that are much the same way. I understand why a lot of their ex-wives and girlfriends won’t give out their address or totally disappear!

      1. I have been with tji s piece of work for 15 years now and it only feels like iti s getting worse. The blaming, to accusing me of doing things behind his back, to finances, you name it, he has done it. I left once, but got scared because of how he made me our to be the bad guy to our 11 year old son. So I came back. You name it, whatever he could try to accuse me of, he did it. Well it’s going on two years back in this house I call home. It gets better for two weeks and then back again to the incrimating monster. And it is always so much worse when he is drinking!!!
        When do I know that I’ve had enough??
        Feel so helpless

  44. My poor mom married to my dad for 58 years. He was always brutal to her. Calling her names and sometimes hits her. Any other woman would have left. He is dying in the hospital and she visits him every day. It has almost been 2 months he has been in the hospital and I have been rehabilitating her. She is really worn out. I helped her lose 25lbs and training her. I will need a year to get her back in shape. My advice to women who are married to a spouse who is verbal and or physically abusive. Run and dont walk. My mom is used to catering to him and knows nothing better. As I will get my mom back to good physical shape and get rid of the million meds she is using, I will show her that there is a whole world out there that she is missing.

  45. Thanks Melanie, yet again I can relate so much to this. The root of my issues are with my Narc mother, in fact I spoke to her briefly a week ago, well actually I didnt really speak.. I was emotional, hurt and upset, calling her out on why she hadnt given me any time at all, not even a phone call in the previous 6 months. I kicked my narc husband out a year ago after not being able to take anymore of his abuse and neglect – 14 affairs and counting.. that’s the least of it. I have gone no contact with my daughter who is an expert at covering up and lying and throwing people under the bus to disguise her deceit, abusive and violent behaviour, in front of my grand babies, still recovering from her meth addiction. I had asked my mother to spend some time with me 6 months ago as I wasnt coping with it all and was severely depressed and at times had suicidal thoughts. She decided the best thing to do was to leave me alone… so when I spoke to her knowing, she was bending over backwards to be and help everyone else, I was pretty upset. Not even a phone call from her in 6 months to see how I was. And when I spoke to her and told her I needed her, she told me I was abusing her and she didnt need this and hung up the phone. It really is all about them isnt it? It is where they will get the most supply..am I right in thinking one of the main differences between empaths and narcs is that narcs think it is their right to hurt and harm and neglect others? I do wonder if I am the problem in all this… but when I examine the behaviour of these people and the lies and outright neglect and abuse of loved ones I know I could never behave this way, not that I’m an angel by any means. But to ignore a loved one who is severely depressed, to break wedding vows and then blame it on the partner, to have a daughter make one out to be a monster to cover up violence and abuse afterr having taken care of her child for many years… no I have never done any of that.

  46. This has been what made it so hard for me to leave. He has tons of friends would break his back helping out a friend move or do anything. People think he’s amazing. But with me he has 0 empathy. If I am going through something he will simply say “it’s not that bad.” If I’m sick or in pain he will act like I’m not. If his friends are sick he would give them all his sympathy. If I need help doing something like put together an item he will walk past it and not help, all while running to help his friend put something together. It’s highly confusing watching everyone around us love him and think he’s so amazing. Everyone likes him more than me and I lost a huge group of friends leaving since they were his friends. What’s interesting is behind their back he talks about all of them in a negative way to me, they have no idea. It feels very demeaning to not be given care and support while in suffering but to watch him stop anything to help anyone else, including a stranger. Our divorce is final this week, and he’s saying he wants to “date again” brand new and see where things go, all the while he’s been hiding me and the fact that he’s been with me daily and never stopped contacting me from all those people that matter most. This is not love… just have to keep reminding myself.

  47. All this resonates with me, but have only just discovered what it means. Mostly because my daughter is married to a greater narc than I have been for 54 years! I thought it was me! Only recently have I realised what a child he is. In researching some stuff for my daughter’s benefit, the slow realisation of the person I was married to became clear.
    I want to thank you for making me understand. I don;t yet know what to do – seems more important that I help m daughter understand that she needs to get away – fast! INteresting though, and another reason to beat myself up, that a child, a beautiful talented girl who had a wonderful life {her words) could have met and married someone like her father!

  48. Hi Melanie and everyone reading this,

    I find myself thinking lately ‘oh, but he isn’t so bad actually’ while every once in a while his behaviour leaves me flabbergasted…as if my spirit leaves my body in shock.

    Now I have put a “break” on the ‘relation’ with the N and I know it is the best for me if this break would become forever. He lives in the same area and when I saw him he purposefully looked only at the person I was with and then looked through me. It upset me and I told the person I was with how he seemed so distant. And the person replied: but he looked at me and greeted me warmly.

    And I instantly remembered this tv show and other shows where you mention this. Instead of becoming more upset, I tried to calm down and change the subject. I imagined how I could give myself a bad image because I realise that in someone else’s eyes I must look miserable and negative if I had continued talking about the N.

    Slowly I am getting there! I recognize I have an addiction to the times when everything seems great. It is suppose what you call trauma bonding. For the past few months I try to develop deeper connections with people who are healthy. To actively create healthy relations and new experiences I try to change my beliefsystem.
    But at times when my old beliefs are pulling me down I try to listen. I like it when you say that we have to grow through these wounds, not bulldozer through them. 😄

    Thank you very much Melanie!

  49. Hello. I am totally floored by the revelation you gave to me concerning Narcissists. I have been unemployed for over 3 years through no choice in my own ( outstanding immigration issues) which he knows full well about. He is employed and earns in the top 5% of South Africans but the anger and vitriol that comes from his mouth about me not contributing to the family finances is shocking. I never told anyone about this because it caused me great shame. But now that I am out of the situation, I see that the reason why is because, like you say, he wasn’t getting the red carpet treatment for doing what was expected of him. He wasn’t getting joy and satisfaction from supporting his family. Ironically, now that I am able to work, he is actually even more angry and bitter at me. I can never win! But thank you so much for putting that into perspective. Thank you. You are doing God’s work!

  50. For twenty years I’ve lived with this type of person. I’m not fully who I was when I met him. I feel like everything is about him and when I don’t want to do something he only gets angry. When I’ve tried to explain how he treats me he is in denial so I am unable to get through to him. He abused me in every way. He also went to strip clubs and gambled tens of thousands of dollars away. He spent over thirty thousand on the stripper. I found the credit card statements and totaled them up at 3AM one night. So much more has happened. I don’t believe him or trust him. I pray to come into some money so I can be free of this man and totally independent financially. It’s like a prison. A hell on earth. I have never been happy with him. He has left my children with anxiety etc. He brings a dark cloud into our home most days. No one can do anything right.

  51. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 13 yrs. It has been 13 yrs of sheer hell! However, I also have a narcissist mother and sister. Somy world has been riddled with lots of narcissists abuse. There have been times where I honestly thought I would die from a broken heart due to so much betrayal in my life. I don’t know who I am anymore. I question my very existence. If I am such a horrible person why would God have created me? Then I get off of my pity party and realize that it isn’t me that is hollow and messed up, it’s them. I tell them I would hate to be them and have to live with myself and look myself in the mirror everyday. I am trying to break free of this toxic relationship and desperately need help before I drown. This person has used the fact that I was molested as a child against me! That was one of the single most hurtful things I have ever experienced. The second one was my own mother turned my son against me. She has filled hishead with lies and acts like she has done nothing wrong. How can anyone you love do these things to you? How can a mother turn on her own child?

  52. I am watching him turn my son against me…when he goes into the rage, he often goes near my son, or makes himself loud enough for him to hear I’m putting me down, calling me a piece of trash, …I try to talk to my son, but he will side with my husband…husband will go confide with my son, calling me crazy, often using the f word to describe me . Husband , when he’s in this mood, will be sweet as pie to the kids, yet in the same breath, call me a f ing piece of crap…I feel like I am watching a video, this is not really happening to me …right? …he has financial control, he monitors my social media, my conversations…I am risking allot by speaking out now..
    I have seen a counselor, but has now incorporated that into put downs, I have gone to the church..but now , he mocks ,y beliefs in his rage episodes…..something in his body language changes, something in his eyes…I am fearful that he will end me if I say too much..always thinking that this may be the last time…

  53. I was married to a Covert Narcissist for 11 years. I’m sure he cheated but didn’t have proof when we divorced but I divorced him anyway. We have a daughter who is now 19. I have been devoted to my girl since birth and he didn’t want kids. I had primary custody but he resented not being able to own her and control her. We have always been close and he has resented it. When she was 16, he tried to get her to go live with him, saying that because I go to church I wouldn’t understand her bisexuality. It was kept behind my back for a couple months. Then I found out and set him back on his heels threatening to sue. My daughter and I were fine and I was the one who supported her dream and helped her get into college. Now, she has graduated HS and he’s trying again to turn her against me. The coronavirus has been devastating. She has been with him and suddenly decided to stop speaking to me. This man is evil. He is an expert at triangulation, going behind my back to try to turn everyone against me during the divorce, including my own family. Now, he’s trying with my daughter. He is on his 3rd marriage and this one is with the woman he cheated on me with. Every time I turn around he is up to his trick again but this is a new low.

  54. I was married to a narcissist for 17 years, married at age 18 , young ,dumb and didn’t even realize I was being groomed this whole time. I couldn’t leave I’m Indian we don’t do that , I stayed because there was no way out and I had four kids. I could not leave without them and. Couldn’t look after them. I relied on him for everything ,I was not my own person ,I was not living , I was a robot. In the marriage I was choked , slapped , belittled and I had keys thrown at me , my cheeks pulled hard , treated badly taking my phone off me because he paid the bill so he could. If I was reading on the laptop the laptop was closed by hi, and I would get told to go sleep. I’m a grown up , I can decide when I’m done 😢. I just didn’t know. He would follow me to the bathroom and count how much toilet paper I would use . He would always hover me and be big and be a bully to me. He had hidden finances from me and said it was for the best so I don’t have to stress but now I know and now everything makes sense. Slowly slowly he began to limit grocery money and I would eat less and less so my kids would be fed. I never mattered, even when I cried and I look back it didn’t even affect him in the slightest. I didn’t know there was such a thing as a narcissist. God saved me when I wanted to die, he made me look in the mirror and recognize myself , do I want my kids to find me and do I want to leave my kids with him. God saved me I called my doctor for help and they helped me. I was able to get help from a domestic abuse group and saw a therapist. They all saved me , I had to die I couldn’t take anymore but I wanted to live. Now I live in a two bedroom apt with my four kids and the only stress I have is money , but it’s fine , it’s normal , it’s not abuse and not walking on eggshells. I don’t wonder what’s coming in through the front door because I know it’s my kids. He has broken the restraining order many times , he has come to my apartment banging on the door , he has followed me . I’m still scared , he could snap one day in his drunken rage. His older brother and mother baby him, she cleans his clothes and she feeds him. I’ve met someone that’s good for me that’s good for my soul, but in my culture it’s frowned upon, apparently I’m supposed to be alone for the rest of my life and miserable. I no longer have my parents support , they would call me three times a week and now it has been 3 months and no call. I still get triggers and flashbacks and just like a puzzle things are making sense , all the things I had just blown off all meant something . The nights he didn’t come home , the nights he would come home late , all the restaurant charges of eating out and lingerie charges and he had an answer for everything and I believed him. I used to feel sorry for him because he would cry and talk about his past about how he saw his mother being dragged across the floor by her hair and I would feel bad and I thought I could save him, he didn’t want to be saved , he wanted to be like his father. He would sit on my chest with all his weight , he would dangle me from my feet. It’s never going to go away, I will always remember, Sorry I could write forever

  55. I loved this video I haven’t found light in the tunnel in months and was beginning to think there wasn’t any but maybe there is. The flip side to the narcissist is there partner often being what I call a changling, your truly boring, sad and pathetic around the narcissist even unattractive then once away within minutes you shed your false skin and become your real self. Your funny, kind, a giver of joy your someone who might even take away attention from them. Once it’s time to return you become depressed feel sick you panic knowing it’s time to put on that horrible uniform and suffer.

  56. You know, it’s not always a woman that deals with these issues. I know I’m a CoDependent. I was alone for 20 years prior to our relationship. Granted I was only with her for 2 1/2 years, but it felt like we were going to spend forever together. That’s how she made me feel anyways. And now I’m as lost as I’ve ever felt in my life. 37 years old and I’ve never felt as lost as I am now. She is Bi Polar, raging alcoholic, delusional, compulsive liar, and she is of course a full blown Narcissist. She didn’t know she was BiPolar till we got together. She went over the edge and tried committing suicide when she was going on, as she always did, about her parents being monsters. I told her she was over reacting. Because I never saw this. Her mom stayed with her while she stayed with her ex husband in another state while she could get her things out of the house. Her dad paid for her lawyer fees for all the court proceedings that followed. I stuck by her through all of this and soooo much more. It would take me forever to explain the whole situation and the whole story, but in the end end she cheated on me and had been cheating with her so called “cousin”. It wasn’t her cousin of course but that is what she told me. And I learned of many more episodes she had with other guys because her best friend told me everything. I only knew her friend for a year and she saw it fit to tell me the truth. Well, after all was said and done, I ended up being the bad guy cause I “ ignored her and didn’t pay attention to her”. Totally false. Half truths and not the whole story of how she stonewalled me. All of sudden after two of the greatest years together, she was a totally different person when she moved out and back to her “monster” parents. That day. I never seen this side of her before. She was so cruel and cold hearted I just couldn’t believe it. Who was this person? I just don’t understand. But anyways. I haven’t talked to her since, and the last person she cheated on me with, ( and by the way, she said she didn’t want a relationship with him. She wanted to fix herself and her relationship with her daughter) she is now with Gina month later of moving out. I can’t believe what a trash human being she couldn’t be. After creating a life together and making me think we were going to build a future together. Got a 3 bedroom apt for her and Gracie . Got two dogs I never really wanted. She was able to get on meds and therapy with me. She was able to get two full time jobs. She k K get one and got another. Was able to get not one, but two brand new cars. After her ex set the first one on fire that is. Why? Cause she was seeing the guy with her daughter around while still with me. They were old friends that had a falling out. 🤔. She got out of 4 credit card debts. My brother helped get her taxes straight. That’s how she was able to get her cars. I spent everyday with her in the psych ward when she tried “committing suicide” (scratches). I never EVER cheated or lied to her. Didn’t think about it. But yea, this whole situation has me and my mind completely and utterly lost.

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