However, I can say that this did, in my case, evolve into malevolence as the MANY unwanted advances of society were heaped on me. The truth is, projecting one’s desires, needs, and wants onto others who do not reciprocate not only opens one up for malevolent behavior from malignant narcissists, it is also my belief that it can create them/us. There is a danger in assuming that all human beings need or want the same things, and that those who do not hold to those expectations are in some way inhuman. Generally speaking, I do not need or want the same things as other people, and this holds true for a lot of people who are “differently abled” in terms of their cognition — autistic people, for example, often seem to share this issue.

While I understand that the purpose of this site is to aid ailing people who are not and have never been narcissists, and I have no interest in ever saying anything that would undermine their personal safety, I do think that as a member of society I would fail both myself and others if I did not at least put in a light request to consider how society generally stacks people in the direction of assuming shared desire or intent, and that there is in fact a valid form of trauma done in early childhood TO narcissists or other low-empathy people: the repeated forcing of unwanted affection or inclusion, which often gets worse the more it’s resisted. I am sure that some people will bristle at this, but this is the root of my examining myself, my memories, and my inner needs.

Only one answer keeps coming up: I need to be left alone. I need to be given space. I need to be respected as whole, no matter how much or little I want to bond with other people. I need to be understood as a being who is equal, without being the same. Had I not had people force their presence on me, even in ways which are benign or welcome to normal people, I would never have developed the bitterness and loathing for humanity which became overtly malevolent and hateful behavior. When people force things on you, and tell you that you MUST want them, and that every human being wants them (implying that you are inhuman if you don’t) it hurts you. That is normal. When there is no support, that creates malevolence and bitterness.

I’d like to reiterate that I’m not touching on the experience of being fundamentally malevolent or sadistic, because that is not my experience. I have always been apathetic unless provoked. Still, despite never enduring childhood sexual abuse (and I have seriously and deeply meditated on if I may have repressed it — definitely did not) I share many symptoms of childhood sex abuse survivors purely to how often I was smothered and invalidated by rote as part of the process of being socialized or parented, and then punished for “being a bit off” and assumed to be much worse than I was. Assigned the role of evil, and given incentive to play it out.

This probably sounds like an autism thing, but I’m pretty sure I’m not autistic, just low empathy and a bit of a loner by nature. Plus, I check most of the boxes for symptoms of NPD, except for my strong preference for peaceful and nonviolent existence. And really, even if I was autistic, like I said, I’m pretty sure the way people treated and handled me when I didn’t give them what they wanted or expected IS what lead me to develop in the direction of malignant behavior (until I made the choice to “starve myself off” of malignant supply or ANY human contact and go inward, which is just an opposite-angle version of what you’re saying here)

Anyway, my point is, I’m seeing a lot of phrasing and assumptions on this website which revisit the messages that damaged me in childhood and set up a wholly unpleasant dynamic for both myself and normal people. I have done the spiritual, quantum, Soul healing thing for years now, and I must absolutely insist that loving myself as a low-empathy narcissist who REALLY just needs to be left alone by most people, and who cannot and will not love others purely due to being expected to (especially not a woman, the way this overlaps with assumed heterosexuality and compulsory relationships with women is heinous and really compounds the issue lol) is very important to me, and is meaningful in pursuing true healing.

What I’m getting at here is, there may in fact be some wider mechanisms at play in the creation of narcissists than a simple debate of good/evil, broken/whole, soulvoid/soulhealed. We are not all simply empty people in denial of ourselves. Some of us have been tormented by roles we were assigned and forced through, and have developed a great deal of malice towards humanity as a result. I think you’re on the money when it comes to inherited ancestor trauma as a possible factor in the creation of these situations, but I think the root point of what I’m trying to say here is, it’s probably best not to assign everybody black and white narratives with one broad brush. But, I may be wrong. I just know that trying to read self-help advice both to work on myself and to heal from a downright evil ex is a minefield of re-traumatization and there has to be a better way. I can’t be the only one.

(For the record, I am not accusing you of homophobia, at all. But I am definitely saying that, as an attractive and charismatic male, the number of women who have assumed I was straight and interested and then proceeded to assign romantic intent to me has been alarmingly high, and I get the sense that a fair number of narcissistic relationships begin because someone assumes romantic receptiveness is on the table where it isn’t, and to someone who does not desire that but who is willing to engage in exploitative behavior, that opens the door to nightmares. All connections must be tested before they are acted on. I have noticed you say that, but really, like I said, I think a lot of detail is being overlooked here because it’s simply not worth it to either most victims or most narcissists to consider)

I will not be responding to discussion. I do not want to open myself up to be either scolded for what other people’s narcissists have done, get my psychological makeup or word choices picked apart for whatever reason, or praised for attempting to heal. I don’t want or enjoy any of those things. I am here only to give my side of things and then leave. Whether people choose to take what I said under advisement or not is their business and theirs only.

Hi Sue,

It is so normal to be feeling what you are. Just another level of healing required Dear Lady … you will break through!

You’re very welcome and bless.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

It’s my pleasure MarySue,

And thank you for your love to all.

Mel 🙏💕❤️

thank you so much for going through my comment and further clearing the confusion. Deeply appreciate it.

I think there is a slight confusion in Resurrection’s comment. As I read Mel’s article, the recommendation is to:
– stop watching TV
– stop doing so much research into narcissists and narcissism
– stop reading / visiting negative abuse forums
– stop accessing Facebook

Instead, spend time:
– healing your self
– looking for/ absorbing positive information, from sources that
— feed you soul
— feed /nourish your spirit
— contribute to your spiritual development

Richard

Thank you Carol for picking that up!

Mel 🙏💕❤️