That’s such a wonderful self-empowered understanding Molly.

Well done!

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Man From California,

you are very welcome.

Thank you for your powerful closing!

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Thank you Maureen and Mel for addressing my question !
Maurine: you provided practical advise, and Mel- the spiritual component. I’ll try both strategies . I’ll try to do a proxy healing regarding my friend and maybe even on another issue that popped up regarding someone else who I see abused. Your healings are miraculous so maybe the proxy one will be too 😊😊

I think the healthy among us have a “touch” of narcissism that itself is healthy: if I’m stepping out to meet friends and notice in the mirror by the front door that my hair looks just right or the shirt I chose works with my eye color, or whatever, I’ll give myself a small, internal “lookin’ GOOD!” on my way out, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. If you want to call that a “1 on a 10 scale” of narcissism, I won’t disagree and I’ll call that the sort of “healthy narcissism” that blends up (in a GOOD way) with self-esteem, confidence and the feeling alive and belonging to the vibrant life on this planet that we all have the energy to tune into. “Being our best selves.”

But. Since my discard, with practice and from what I have taken years to learn from the pain of narcissistic abuse, I have learned that when I see “2 or above” narcissism in ANYbody else who is new in my life to be extremely wary. “3 or above” and it’s safe to say that I don’t want them in my life — at all. This goes even for family members, some of whom I have only recently learned (of siblings, we are in our 50s and 60s) that a brother is maybe a 5 and a sister is at least a 7. It is so sad to have to back-pedal from these people, whom I have known essentially my entire life, we’ve shared so much together — but when it is so crystal-clear that how they behave is abusive (to me, to others around them, to EVERYbody!), I have found that my “now I insist upon self-respect” means I must disengage from them. Completely.

Every single one of the six methods that narcs use outlined by Mel here to “press my weaknesses” (or so they believe) is in play by these people. As I recognize what they do, I have chosen to simply exit their lives, so that I can live my fullest possible life. Sure, this is difficult and painful, even as my reputation is in the sewer with them — completely by their slander, not by my truth and actions. But their whispers and gossip don’t matter to me any longer: they are liars. The others in their life who hang on their words and believe them will discover who these people are for themselves. Or, they won’t, and they will continue to be wounded by them, perhaps not even realizing it until it is too late. It is not my job to teach them. It is my job to live in truth and live my best, fullest life possible.

Thank you once again for these amazing posts, Mel. The narcs’ actions are like a script we can follow and once we get it (not easy, but doable) we learn how to step out of their way, leaving their drama and damage in our rear view mirrors.

I wish for everyone here to learn, to know, that these broken people are not ours to change. The work of change belongs to us, for ourselves, to learn what this is, so that we become our best.

Hi Krissie,

you are very welcome.

I highly recommend my free webinar http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

You will learn how to finally and directly breakthrough into true healing.

I hope that this helps

Mel 🙏💞🦋

It’s my pleasure Jenny,

I am so pleased that this helps.

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Linda,

I have written so much … I am not sure which one.

If you google my name plus keywords, you should be able to locate it.

Mel 🙏💞🦋

Hi Ann,

It’s my pleasure.

It doesn’t have to – but yes it can.

Sending you love and healing

Mel 🙏💞🦋