Comments on: “Am I The Narcissist?”

By: Caitlin

Caitlin — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 11:08:16 +0000

AITN?
I love bullying people and then pretending im the victim. i am so good at it, I do not even know i am doing it. I hate accountability and I hate being second guessed.

when I got a promotion, I removed all my subordinates by bullying them. I got to remake a whole department! I dont care if I took their livelihoods away or left them without income.

I am finally getting what I deserve. maybe I had to do some bad stuff but it was worth it so far. I have more money, power, and freedom.

where is the downside? seems to me I have the smarter way of looking at the world. what can you do for me?

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Sat, 29 Jul 2023 08:10:00 +0000

In reply to Shauna Swaim.

Hi Shauna,

I am pleased I have helped. You will experience such an accelaration in your healing with NARP http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

You deserve this!

Much Love and we look forward to welcoming you into our wonderful NARP Community http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member

Mel 🙏💞🦋

By: Shauna Swaim

Shauna Swaim — Wed, 26 Jul 2023 13:34:06 +0000

Melanie you are brilliant! I have started my self healing path at 53. Thanks to you I have discovered all the Narcissism that surrounded me in my childhood! Now I believe my husband may suffer from it because his family members had it! I am the one with the conscience and empathy! Whew! Thank god! I cry all the time! I own my own and apologize! I’m ready to do NARP! I’m so glad I found you! You have saved my life🌺❤️

By: Wanda

Wanda — Sat, 10 Jun 2023 20:02:29 +0000

In reply to Deborah. Deborah, you are NEVER ALONE!! There are enough narcissist out here for all of us to have one!!! And many of us do. Keep your head up, educate yourself, know what you're up against, then move on if you can. No one is judging you, do what you can but protect yourself. You matter, dont let anyone tell you different. Do your best and thats it.

By: Christina

Christina — Tue, 29 Nov 2022 04:33:33 +0000

Hi Melanie,

Thankyou for a very informative post. I was beginning to doubt myself and I indeed thought omg am I the narcissist!!! I definitely am not. I left my abusive narcissistic husband of 36 years 5 weeks ago it’s been one hell of a ride. I have to tried to maintain minimal contact with him but due to circumstances I’ve had to maintain contact with him hopefully that will change a bit soon. I am working on myself and healing my inner child wounds. I need to do a lot more work though. I would love to join NARP but unfortunately at the moment I am unable to afford it. I read your emails diligently and would love to do a one on one with you.

Kindest regards
Christina

By: Victory

Victory — Sun, 10 Jul 2022 14:20:41 +0000

I am not a narcissist!!

By: Kathy Coutanche

Kathy Coutanche — Fri, 10 Jun 2022 05:24:59 +0000

Thank you for this. Since learning more about narcissism, I have occasionally wondered if I have traits too.

As a young woman I was frequently callous and uncaring of my affect on partners. I seemed to have the ability to drop a shutter against the feelings of other people when they upset me (unless they reject me, when I go through hell). At the same time, I have always been deeply empathetic and drawn to supporting people and helping to empower those who are struggling.

When I split up with my narcissist, I had the epiphany that my lifelong inability to form mature relationships (despite years of trying to work out why and trying to self-improve) and behaviour may stem from spending the first five years of my life with a highly narcissistic father.

I am a people pleaser. I tread on eggshells rather than upset people I want to like me. I end up doing things I don’t want to do rather than saying ‘No’ and causing a scene. I end up in risky situations because I’m scared of causing a confrontation if I assert my need/concern.

Ten years ago I was diagnosed with quite severe ADHD and I have been trying to see myself anew through that lens. It has helped enormously to understand why I behave in certain ways and I am slightly less negative about myself as a result. It still didn’t seem to provide all the answers though and I couldn’t fix the people pleasing stuff, even though I knew I was doing it and was annoyed about it.

So many of the things you’ve written have resonated with me and I believe you have provided the answers through which I can finally start to get to grips with these issues.

Thank you x

By: Erica

Erica — Sat, 07 May 2022 03:04:09 +0000

In reply to Steph.

Hello. I am here in 2022 after 22 years with the same man questioning is it me. Your comment registers greatly. I am so broken and mentally distraught now that holding a job has become the hardest thing. But the thing I need most to leave. I have been a sahm for 15+ years I have nothing. I am so stuck. The urges of suicide have been so strong this past month. It’s my children that keep me here. I cannot do that selfish act to them. Omg. I cannot. I want to die everyday because I’m such a loser lame who’s not good at anything. Who can’t hold a job. Who’s to afraid to even leave for the health of her children. Idk why I’m replying to you. I need a vent. Its mother’s day weekend again and I can’t tell you how many mother’s days have been traumatic and sad. We just had a fight and I honestly don’t feel like I did anything. He said it was my attitude. But I didn’t have one. I feel he does this to cause discord so he doesn’t”have to be nice” to me this weekend. I ruined it again. Fk. My birthday is even worse. I always buy my own or make my own cake. He has never gotten me a gift, says flowers/cards are a waste. 22 years we’ve been together. Since I was 18. Like writing all this down makes me feel even more stupid. Like if I was reading this about someone else, I’d be like girl leave wtf. Why do you stay?????? Why do I stay??? Fear. Fml

By: Steph

Steph — Mon, 27 Dec 2021 21:34:35 +0000

Hi,
I started your free 16 day program just before Christmas, after reading Dodging Energy Vampires, and I finally feel heard and understood. I have spent so many years wondering is it me? and then in severe states of depression and anxiety because I had convinced myself I am broken and awful and ugly. And I know I am to certain degrees. But this question has come up a lot lately. Is it actually me who is the narcissist? I can see in myself the over-controlling and the constant anger, negativity, pain and gloom and I have found it really difficult to be present and find joy, even with my children which hurts more than I can explain.
I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for 13 years and I have been trying to emotionally and mentally prepare to leave, not only for my sake, but for what the toxic state of the relationship is doing to the kids and I have judged myself so harshly for going through a push-pull cycle of being sure, to being afraid to leave or heavy-hearted for leaving the person I’m supposed to love in ruins. I’m so scared. I’m so unsure of the ‘right answer’.
All I can say is that from your emails, from articles like this, I have a better understanding of what I’ve been going through, of what type of relationship I’m in. I feel understood which is incredibly difficult for me to feel because I really am with one of the ones who is incredibly charismatic and charming and I had no idea about love-bombing until it was explained in that first book and now I can see what happens each time so clearly. When I have confided in some family members about what happens in our home, I get “Well we all knew he was a liar, that’s just something we know now.” Or “oh but I love him, I really hope you can work it out, but if not, I still love you both”.
And it’s funny, even now, after 13 years, I can see so clearly why I ended up in this relationship, but also why my family dynamics are the way they are, why I’ve been in relationships like this before. I have zero self-trust, and incredibly insecure and feel as though I’m always in survival mode. When I entered this relationship, I consumed him. I once described why I felt I loved him when we first got together as “I just couldn’t believe someone like that would want me”, which now waves as a huge red flag for why I not only wasn’t ready for a relationship with someone else, but why I then ended up in a relationship with a narcissist. This part has now become easier and easier to see. And yet, the leaving part is by far now the hardest part, regardless of how sure or unsure I feel every second day.
Thank you for gifting to me this better understanding thank you for explaining the things I’ve felt crazy trying to explain to the people I confide in. Thank you for showing me I’ve likely had narcissistic relationships with family members before – I have started to identify those now. One thing is for sure, this journey is incredibly hard mostly because by the time you get to the stage of some type of knowing that you need to exit the relationship, you’re already so battered, exhausted and empty, you’ve already done and said questionable things yourself just to get through each day, and you’re also so used to tying your identity in to someone else’s, and you don’t even feel like you have your own anymore. I most look forward to discovering that.