My Ex is back after breaking-up

I wanted to be able to understand what I’m going through after discard from my ex narc who I have been with for 10 years and who I have three daughters with. He of course has moved on to someone else and has been with them for about two weeks now before he moved on from me he claimed he knew nothing about her and didn’t plan on moving in with her. I was wanting him to leave my home because I knew he was talking to other women behind my back as he’s been for most of our relationship. Come to find out she has a 5 year old son hes taking care of while she’s at work and they are in fact living together since being with me was the only place he had to go. When he was here with me he never took care of his girls he was always yelling at them and would often become frustrated with his responsibility to them. He is not good at holding down a job as he fights with everyone and doesn’t do good with authority and will turn at the slightest amount of disrespect. I’ve been the bread winner for the entirety of our relationship I’ve always provided him with everything he needed to where he never had to financially support me and the kids and all I asked in return was to help me take care of the kids so I can work. I’m wanting to understand how he will even benefit from his new relationship I find myself jealous of who this new supply is because of her being a lot more attractive than I am and I believe it’s because he put me down about my appearance for the first time in the last several months. One thing he told me was I’m going to push him to where he wants to be with someone else and even though he will want to leave her for me he won’t. I’m upset that he is there taking care of her kid who isn’t his while he refused to do just that for his own biological children. He is a meth addict as well and I feel like this makes his NPD a lot worse to a point where he blames me for his addiction and he blames me for the way that he is. I know I shouldn’t want to know whether or not he still thinks about me and feels like he did in fact make a mistake by abandoning me but I do and I think part of it also has to do with me only knowing him for so long and no one else and also due to the fact that we have children together. I like to think he really did in fact love me and want a future with me because we do have kids together but he has stated at some point that he never was going to marry me but I also feel the horrible things he has said to me aren’t exactly true but more of a way to make me hurt because I’ve hurt him too. I’ve gave birth to our third daughter this month on the 11th and I feel like my post partum is also playing a role here I had a DV case against him where a restraining order was in place and he wasn’t able to be present for the birth of our daughter. I went through hell to have it dropped against him so he could be present and when I asked him to be there he didn’t want to be or rather made an excuse not to be I like to think he didn’t want to be because he didn’t want to share any special moments with me in order to stay strong about his decision to leave me. I feel like part of him is forcing himself to absolutely hate who I am so he doesn’t want to come back in reality i do want to continue this life with him but know I shouldn’t because I’ll suffer more than what i already have. There are things I’ve could have done differently in our relationship to help it survive but even at times I felt like we were fine I always had it in the back of my mind that we weren’t. I don’t know how to let go of what I have no control over I don’t know how to move on the fact that he has and is much happier kills me inside it makes me wonder if I in fact was the problem. Will his relationship even last with this new supply? Will he treat her better than me after the love bombing stage? Is there ever a time where they do come to realization of what they’ve done wrong and ever think back to us at all? I need answers that he of course isn’t willing to give me I don’t dare ask for closure even though I feel like I deserve it since we are bonded for life through our kids but I know I won’t ever get it. Please help me understand I’m dying inside and i dont have anyone to talk to about any of this I sure could use some guidance.

Hi Naomi

I hope to god I never end up with a “Counciller” like you ( if you make it to that level)
I have suffered in 3 narcissist abusive relationships and only discovered they are Narcissist’s from the last one! The trauma and spiritual damage they caused me is beyond anything you would wish on your worst enemy. Imagine having your entire soul ripped out of your body and you have no clue who you are anymore!
You are so incredibly naive! Have you ever suffered narcissist abuse!? I meAn EVER! Because if you have there is no way in this world you would ever write a comment like this. In fact I couldn’t even finish reading this utter CRAP you have come up with.
It’s people like you that do nothing to SAVE those killed in domestic violence! I really do hope you do your research properly or find some other career path ! Fir the sake of victims lives

Hi Melanie,
I’ve recently come across your videos on YouTube and they’ve brought me here . I barely even know where to begin but I do know I’m hurting from the depths of my soul. I have been through a 12 year roller coaster ride with what I now understand to be a narcissist (although he always called me one and still does) . We got engaged finally a couple years ago and during this last year he finally discarded me 3 months pregnant and turned his back. Not only did he finally discard me, he moved quickly within a month with a woman who has been in the background for quite some time. As soon as he did , he denied the baby I was carrying and I became public enemy number 1. Shortly after he left me, I lost my job and was deemed high risk. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have anymore children , this was a complete shock and defied all science as to how I was able to conceive , but I did . I went through my entire high risk pregnancy alone and received nothing but hate from him. I have been through a lot in my life but this was definitely one of my lowest, if not my lowest points. Once the baby was born in January , 3 weeks later he then claimed her as his for self gain- paternity leave from work at which time he took to go on vacation for weeks with his woman and her family. My daughter is now 8 weeks old and he recently shared he has a baby on the way with his new love – whom he is very happy with and doesn’t hesitate to tell me how happy he is with her . He posts long loving messages to her online and tells me we will never be together again and he has moved on and is very happy. He has made it clear he wants this baby with her and didn’t want mine and reminds me that he told me to have an abortion because he didn’t want me to have his children (we also have a 9 year old daughter together that he says he didn’t want either with me). He constantly tells me I’m mentally unstable and to get help and children don’t keep the man. I’m beyond sick. I endured so much pain over the years with this man .. verbal, mental, emotional, financial and even physical abuse at one time . He used me up financially and constantly cheated and kept every woman he ever slept with around.. while adding new women to the mix . I never felt good enough to be enough for him and he did a good job on me mentally. He would become completely checked out .. withhold intimacy and always blamed me for why our relationship was loveless and why there were other women. I don’t know why I’m so devastated right now.. I should be celebrating that he moved on but I’m very bitter and hurt and obsessed with why she is getting the man I never got. I hurt . I hurt for my baby and I hurt for all the pain I put my family through all these years. He’s done such a number on me that I almost believe I’m just looking for a label for him and maybe it was just a case of us not being compatible. He was so cruel to me and now has unleashed an entirely new level of hurt my way. I’m confused, I’m in pain and I’m consumed with grief, jealously and envy. I’m so bitter and I pray day and night to please get me through this and see it for what it is and was. He is following script with me, smearing my name and making me look like the bitter ex or baby mama. If I don’t snap out of this soon I could lose even more than I already have . I supported this man for years until he landed his dream job , got his own place and car .. up until then I was the bread winner executive woman and he hated me for it . Now that I’ve lost pretty much everything, he feels superior and says I deserved to lose it all. I know this comment is all over the place and I apologize for that.. I’m a mess and I’m barely holding on. Thank you for doing what you’re doing . I am doing my best to get out of this emotional place and understand what has happened. He keeps telling me to move on and then in the same breath tells me I will be alone and that it’s sad that all I have around me are my kids . I’m so lost. I keep asking why me.. I know he has had loving relationships because there are many women who vouch for him and believe him to be the best friend and lover they’ve ever had .. I ask myself why so much abuse towards me ? Why was he so horrible for so many years to me. Can people like this be selective ? Can they be good for others and be the perfect man? This is the part I can’t reconcile because in this case he has been the perfect man for some and yet the devil on earth towards me. I just don’t get it and sadly I probably never will.

Well stated Melanie! People feel reading a text book makes them more qualified then people who live through these issues every day. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know something is not right with a situation. Often the therapist wouldn’t know a narc because they would be fooled by them. Thanks for the work you do melanie!!!

And most narcissist’s do not get diagnosed because we are the ones that are crazy. So to say only 6.2 are clinically diagnosed I believe that. My ex so much as called a counselor stupid for suggesting he see someone. So there you have it.