Comments on: Can You Heal While You Are Still With A Narcissist?

By: Debra A Finley

Debra A Finley — Fri, 31 Jan 2020 05:56:40 +0000

In reply to Melanie Tonia Evans. I don't believe that you can heal while staying with a narcassist.You do need to get yourself strong to standup to them and leave, no matter if you have things with them or children.Leaving is the first step to healing and divorcing.

By: summrina

summrina — Wed, 31 Jul 2019 08:09:11 +0000

In reply to Kiki.

very well said….answer to many of my questions…just the right video i watched at right time

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 05:55:52 +0000

In reply to Esperanza Cordova.

Hi Esparanza,

Please come into my free Masterclass and you can learn exactly how to do this http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/masterclass

Sending love and healing

Mel 🙏💕♥️

By: Esperanza Cordova

Esperanza Cordova — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 05:13:19 +0000

In reply to Kiki. I need help healing myself while still with a Narc. I tried to leave him but just couldn't do it anymore. Please help.

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Fri, 21 Sep 2018 12:07:10 +0000

In reply to Paola.

Hi Paola,

How wonderful you have taken your power back and are now nourishing and flourishing yourself. It is so true that when we do this that the neediness and emptiness fades. We are now fulfilling ourselves.

It’s then that you can genuinely from a whole space see others to start moving up into a higher level of respect and care for you – so within so without.

Another step, when you are ready to – is to start to define your values, what it is that is your truth and speak up honestly and ask for what you need.

You may realise your truth is connection and communication with those you are having relationships with. Whether a person is a narcissist or not they simply may not be available or willing to do the work to meet you at this place.

Or he may!

For you, it could come down to be willing to lose it all to get it all, to walk your truth authentically.

Don’t put pressure on you though, if you keep working with NARP you will know when you are ready to go to any next stages.

When we do the inner work, what does happen is it all unfolds. I would also recommend that if it does get too confusing, to Module the confusion out and bring in clarity as your healing, and then your path and choices will come into focus for you.

I hope this makes sense!

Mel 🙏💕❤️

By: Paola

Paola — Fri, 21 Sep 2018 01:47:48 +0000

Hi there
Thank you so much for the work you do… i stumbled across it and all that you say resonates so strongly with me. I, like you have been a self help spiritual junkie trying to figure out how I Can continue to shine brightly. I have been married since 18 , I am now 51. I have struggled within my marriage , my kids who have now left home now, have struggled. I’m only just beginning to do the inner work you suggested and it is truly helping. I am still in my marriage however I want to know why although I have detached energetically my husband goes from being completely silent and not there… (which I’m used to) to completely loving (as much as he can be). The other day He did the dishes without me saying anything. I’m actually feeling like he may not be a narc? I am promising myself that I will do The work, by my self and hopefully will begin the NARP program SOON. His silences are actual gold for me now. They used to torture me. 😊 I am waiting for the next explosion, but because I’m not engaging it’s just silent. We only talk when we have to. It’s been months now. I’ve almost forgotten the bullshit?? What’s going on?

By: Jason

Jason — Tue, 22 May 2018 08:37:18 +0000

Dear Melanie,
Thank you for all your great information!
Background: 8 years in a relationship w/my narc
Alittle over a year ago I noticed my narc becoming more aggressive, He was hanging out with much younger co workers, drinking, paying for one co-worker in particular, who he also gave rides to and from work spending every night out of the house I didn’t question it to be honest he was negative and always acted like a toddler so no difference, until his tones became very aggressive to me for no reason, his eyes looked different when he glanced at me, I never thought of him cheating not once. Until one day I threaten to leave him after an argument, this time he didn’t care, so I tested it I actually took a day off from work I removed the entire house into storage (because I owned Everything he moved in with me with nothing)
When he came home from work I did not get the reaction I thought. He blamed me didn’t yell, and he left the house (he picked up his co-worker he hung around and went bowling) I didn’t understand I sat in the empty home crying, on the floor lucky I have 6 friends that are decades long, they always come to the rescue, He comes home we talk , needless to say I didn’t know at the time but my narc was in the process of discarding me anyway so none of this mattered I found myself more in distress because I couldn’t believe I didn’t matter anymore, I actually begged him to stay with me, as he gloated and said I think we should part ways. I begged and begged, he said ok, so month later we go on a romantic vacation which of course I payed for and planned. It was actually great no drama the entire weekend. When we returned home he fell asleep I never in 7 years went through his phone something told me too and so I did, What I uncovered I was not ready for, I placed an app on his phone to recover all deleted files (texts, messages from social media, emails you name it) as I sat and read sitting on our bed as he sleeps, 5 years worth of serial cheating, just multiple strangers, offering sexual acts for money, smearing my name any chance he got, telling my secrets, laughing about me to potential replacement, and the smear campaign started early in our relationship I just didn’t know it (they do that to gain sympathy) I woke him up he had no emotions of what I found, he actually looked at me said good I’m glad you found it, smiled and walked downstairs and slept like a baby for 8 hours. When he woke he grabbed coffee sat outside , I had to approach him, I was mess, why why why, he held my hand and honestly faked cryed which lasted a minute, he went upstairs for half hour came back down leaving his phone I picked it up and noticed he in that half hour hit on someone else after saying he was sorry, “cried”. This man cheated on me with people than introduced me to these people had me hang out with, invite them to our home, one I knew for 13 years, I couldn’t understand, it was the physical that hurt the most it was the talking about me, the introduction to the other men, the telling my secrets, laughing about me and coming home to me sleeping with me I couldn’t wrap my head around it, he would record me while he started a fight without my knowledge show it to people to say I was crazy he also does this thing where he acts like he didn’t hear me when Im talking he will say what, or I’m sorry can you repeat that part, he does it constantly, it’s coo purpose, literally thought I was going insane didn’t know if I was making this up or if he was a narcissist he told me a few times if I bought it up he would leave he said “leave it in the past” he would say so I did, for about two months, until I couldn’t anymore, I started talking about and I wouldn’t stop because he said too, still weak I would Know when too back off, I reached narcissist everyday, learned, read for hours, to understand get answers he would not provide, little by little I started healing so about 8 months after I found out, and walking around like a zombie, and tired of researching, I went to a partial hospitalization program which I thought because of my narcissist, but I learned the therapy became about me, I wasn’t going to give my narcissist credit this was about me, and how I allowed this, not to say I’m to blame, but I realized looking back as subtle as his requests for me to change things about myself early on were I slowly had no boundaries, it was over time,but I learned I was co-dependent, and an empath and I lost myself in my narcissist, I was isolated, no longer pursuing my dreams everywhere I went we were together except when he went places alone I had no identity, in therapy I started doing things alone again, Going to the gym, stores, I went to dinner alone prior to the narcissist abuse I enjoyed my alone time,I had to regain that, slowly I started to say NO! When I didn’t want to do something, when I didn’t like that he needed my constant attention we could be in the house together he would call me and text me repeatedly from downstairs using words like (just wanted to spend time with you, I miss you, come here) when all I wanted to do is sit enjoy my time yes I was healing but he made it difficult, I called him out when he did these things calmly ( I said your crossing my boundaries I don’t like that, would you like if I continue to pressure you to do something you don’t want to “like open up about your childhood”it’s a sore subject get says he can’t remember but has told me bits and pieces. So he stops crossing my boundaries, it’s wierd I’m not going to say my narcissist doesn’t try because he does, he has admitted alot to me, he has told me he sees he hurt me, but he doesn’t know what it feels like he can see pain but doesn’t understand the depth of it, he also will say to me “your right” I don’t know why I need all your attention I do ask alot from you and get won’t do it for that day but it’s constant reminder it really is like a toddler you have to continue to tell them to stop, point out why it’s not ok, it’s draining, but I learned I was never in love with my narcissist, I was manipulated into attachment, (how could I love someone I never knew) He listened in the beginning to me talk about who I was but gave very little to he was. One day I woke up I deleted all evidence I had of him cheating, I didn’t plan to do it. I just said I don’t need these anymore it was the day my life changed it was 9 months after I found out, it was the first day I didn’t think about him or our situation throughout the day, I laughed with Co workers and meant it, From that day on while still living with him, I got me back, I was standing taller, didn’t back down from him, one of our disagreement he actually said your the same mean person I met 8 years ago thinking it was going to hurt me, I responded “Thank you” because I was looking for the person for a long time now. The moral of this is to say yes you can live and healat the same time with a narcissist, just keep reminding yourself it’s about them it never was, your healing and self discovery is about you.Self love. It’s not easy I have 7 months left in our lease, we have a beautiful home, when our lease is up I’m saying good bye to my narcissist. I don’t hate him, I don’t love him, I feel nothing for him, I’m polite to him if he allows me to be, and ignore him when he throws his temper tantrum, I simply walk away, I realized I can not help him, I can’t get him to change completely, I never knew him was a big eye opener for me, it helped me not hurt anymore, it’s strange dynamic no one understands unless they were involved with a narcissist, when I told my narcissist I didn’t love him, I didn’t know him to love him, he said wow seriously ok, ok, walked away, I laughed after he left the room because he walked away because he didn’t know how to respond because they use the same MO he was thrown off, normal person would have said what are talking about you don’t love me, what does this mean for us, not a narcissist. So everyday I act normal until he doesn’t get his way, and either we have a good day or I have a good day alone either way it’s still a good day, any other survivors please know your narcissist doesn’t have the key to your happiness they can’t provide you with answers , stop asking them too look in your pockets, dig deep through all the clutter inside you , I gurantee your find your own key. Again Thank you Melanie for all the great advice

By: Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans — Tue, 20 Feb 2018 02:09:31 +0000

In reply to Cheryl.

Hi Cheryl,

that is so good you coming out of the trance and aligning with you.

There is no making any N happy – it is an impossible task. Instead, make YOU happy and what and who represents your happiness with become your life.

Mel xo

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 22:15:41 +0000

Dear Melanie

You are my hero. I have new prescription for anti-depression because he explained I was mean to him and “if I would go back to the way I was when we first met, things would be good.” It’s making me insane I started going to doctor to fix myself (for him/us). Then we could be happy again, wrong, oh so wrong. I wondered why aren’t these stupid pills working? The pills helped with the depression which made (us) worst. Didn’t tell the doctor about him only what was wrong with – as he explained it to me time and time again.

Now I understand I, just start taking care of me and get stronger. I believe I will be able leave soon. I don’t want this or how it was anymore; I want to be happy and I can be.