I just want to say that I attend CODA meetings online for the last year. I am so grateful to have that option as there are no in-person meetings anywhere near me. I realize that comment about no meetings is from 2103 but I in case others don’t know, the online meetings are available and help too!

Hi Donna,

My heart goes out to you, that would have been so hard for you to make that decision to go No Contact but you are doing the right thing …absolutely. We can’t honour anything or anyone until we honour ourselves first.

Have you seen this resource of mine:https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-to-do-if-your-child-has-narcissistic-tendencies/

I hope it can help and also I highly suggest coming into my free webinar to access healing and relief.

Please know there have been grandparents in this Community who have been able to have relationships with boundaries with their grandchildren through gaining their healing and empowerment.

I wish you all the best and send a big hug.

Mel xo

I have a question though… The narcissist in my life was my husband who died 6 years ago (the reason I’ve been able to focus a lot on my healing without interference), and we have a son who is now 32, and is also a narcissist. I just recently went full no contact. When I did so, I realized my choice was a relationship with constant abuse or no relationship and healing (yes, there are grandchildren involved as well). And as I said, I chose no contact.

I wonder every day if there was something I could have done different (truth was, there was never any other choices but I still wonder), and I also wonder… is it hopeless to hope/pray/wish that my son could ever be “cured” of being a narcissist? That co-dependent/Mom inside me wants to keep trying to save him.

I’d appreciate your thoughts and thank you for being so sharing/open about this topic.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and progress. Reading about all the hard work and struggling to heal the past by going within is truly inspiring.

I am also learning that I cannot make anyone but myself happy. I am currently dating someone and I was recently faced with a situation where I wanted to change plans I had, in order to (I thought) make him happy. His response: “No. Never change your plans for a boy”. Grown up words!

As ever, I am so grateful for your work and the opportunity it gives for me to Thrive.

Hi Maurice,

please know that all of us – including co-dependents have varying levels of narcissism (egoic defences) to heal.

And we found, in our own deep inner healing journey just how true that was!

The only thing that ever stops anyone healing the inner traumas that are creating narcissistic ego defences is their unwillingness to go to these traumas, feel them and then release them.

If you are willing to do that to heal – and it’s the only true way to (I believe) – then you certainly can.

Maurice the NARP Program is the healing tool that creates that deep inner healing – https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/narp

I hope this helps.

Mel xo

I believe I might be a lesser version of a narcissistic person. I have noticed this behaviour in myself because my girlfriend has made me notice it. I’m not too proud to admit I’m wrong. In fact after the time she had told me this I realized how often I had behaved like that. Of course that’s not the person I want to be.

I’m quite mature regarding certain aspects but as you said there is something of a child still inside me. I feel this constant emptiness, as I believe I am made for something always better than what I get. The problem is I carry my arrogance around with me wherever I go. It takes a big amount of effort to socialize with others. I happen to create easily superficial relationships but haven’t had a deep one in years (except for with my girlfriend and family members). I am partly South American and party European. So this would explain also the importance I put on family. I think this is the only reason my girlfriend isn’t devastated (tread her like family). I have often felt this feeling of making sure I don’t get to deeply attached to her even though we have a deep relationship. I just feel like she’s wanting to get something from me even though I know it’s not true. I motivated her to study something I consider useful and supported her a lot but maybe partly because I thought it’s the best for myself too. She likes what she studies though. I also tell her to go out with her friends very often and pursue her hobbies. Partly because I feel irritated about her wanting to spend time with me always. I have to say I helped her with her relationship with her family which wasn’t any good when I met her. This for rather altruistic reasons but also because I could. She tells me I made and make her life better. But I don’t feel very authentic with it.

I still feel shy with other people even though I have quite strong convictions about what I believe in. Of course I also seek admiration. I might be over-critical to myself and people around me. I don’t believe I’m perfect but I believe I put a great deal of effort into improving everyday and see those who don’t evidently do it as inferiors. Even though they might not set their priorities as I set mines. Probably due to the fact that I believe to know what people should try to do in their lifes.

Now everyday I have small doubts about my love. I feel like I’m not ready to commit myself to someone. On the other hand I feel like I can go over this obstacles any time. Maybe I would authentically love her if I didn’t have this somewhat narcissistic personality. Nevertheless, I think that I might need some time without staying with her but I’m afraid I can lose her. Sure I have improved with her and my hope is to continue doing so but I’m not sure if it’s fair to stay with a person just because I think it can be better. Not fair to either of us.

Having said that I would actually like to overcome narcissism. I know you said it’s impossible but I don’t believe it is. I’m sure you tried (with your partner), failed and feel bad about it. I can read your resentment in this text but I’m not an extreme case of narcissistic personality. Furthermore I’m actually actively fighting against it so I would need tips on how to do it if there is any literature about it. So I start loving myself and start loving my girlfriend the right way.

Best,
Maurice (Not really my name)

THIS. This is what happens with the narc I got entangled with. He just recently in fact, had the intense shame, cave in to the demons etc, kicking himself. Never seen him so transparent, so honest. Open to my words, like honestly open, and admitting, etc.
Knew it wouldnt last. So I said, um no thanks. Wasnt even hard, I d played a lite version of this many a time before.
After a week or two of trying, he got the message. Bitter, vengeful, ANGRY wraith in place of the human, came. Spoke to others even, of slitting my throat. Hell hath no fury like a PD scorned.
And THIS is why I vacillated so many yrs. At times, they seem almost human. Then the magic thinking comes to the rescue and BAM, theyre bam, the utter garbage taking up oxygen.