Melanie Tonia Evans

What To Do If Your Child Has Narcissistic Tendencies

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans Permalink 3
22
Written By   Melanie Tonia Evans

 

If you are currently agonising over this fear or potential reality I want you to know my heart goes out to you.

We all know that ultimately we can divorce a partner, break business ties with people, and even walk away from family members – but WHAT do we do when dealing with the trauma and drama of our own narcissistic child?

There definitely are people in the Community who have had no option but to go No Contact with their narcissistic children, however for some of you there may be hope … that the rifts, behaviour and issues can heal.

The following are the pivotal questions that so many parents in this Community ask …

How can I help my child behave differently?

How do I deal with their selfish and abusive behaviour?

Can I help them heal from their narcissism and become a healthy person?

How can I help my young child with narcissistic tendencies?

Is there any hope for my narcissistic teenager or adult daughter or son?

Within this episode I answer these questions, as well as share with you the boundaries and self-healing we can take on – in order to pass on to our narcissistic children the best possible path of development to get well.

It is my greatest wish, this week, that this episode will grant you comfort and strength if you are dealing with the heart-wrenching reality of dealing with a narcissistic child.

One of the most amazing things about our Community is how we all reach out to help hold and heal each other.

So, I’d LOVE for any of you who are applying these Thriver methods and experiencing positive results, to PLEASE share … to help inspire other parents dealing with the same issues.

Please know I understand – as a result of what I went through with my son Zac – how devastating dealing with our broken children can be.

And … I am more than happy to explain further, in my answers to comments, about what I did for Zac – in his narcissistic phase – and how myself and he healed, to have the wonderful relationship we have today.

 

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Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.

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22 Thoughts on What To Do If Your Child Has Narcissistic Tendencies
  • mandysart@mail.com'
    Mandy
    May 10, 2017

    Hi Melanie,
    Its a relief to hear that other people have experienced this – or even to hear that on some level it is ok to choose your own happiness over your a relationship with your child. Thank you

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 10, 2017

      Hi Mandy,

      I am so pleased this helps you and brings comfort and healing.

      Bless you Dear Lady.

      Mel xo

  • mettemulbjerg@hotmail.com'
    Mette
    May 10, 2017

    Dear Melanie

    This is a very deep and emotional topic for me and I felt so touched watching this. Thank you for sharing <3

    It has taking me hard work to break through to my emotions and still in proces. I feel my children are my achilles heal and this is what often makes me trip – and your episode also brings up triggers. In my experience I feel the world had been turned so deeply upside down that finding back to the world, feeling safe and trusting life takes time.

    What I want to say with this is to have love and compassion for ourselves and for eachother in the proces of healing deep trauma. I have shared this many times before because it is so heartfelt for me to share that we have to find our own way and that is okay whatever it looks like – I cannot say it enough!

    As you say, we love our children and want to create the best possible frames for their lives. Experiencing their pain/reactions on top of the incredible abuse and the triggers is brings up inside of ourselves feels deeply heartbreaking. But I know we have to keep using our triggers to heal, keep walking and trusting that in the long run, it will all work out regardless what the road looks like.

    I am sending Love and thoughts to all <3

    Much Love to you from Mette

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2017

      Hi Mette,

      you are so welcome Dear Lady … I agree with you so much about supporting our own and other’s journeys no matter what they look like.

      Sending so much love to you and thank you for your love to all.

      Mel xo

  • taniakol@yahoo.com'
    Tania
    May 10, 2017

    Thank you for this 🙂 Takeaway: Model love (unconditional), respect, calm, take responsibility for the consequences of actions (theirs and ours – I’m getting a lot of “it’s your fault”s) and that if something bad does happen as a consequence, it’s just a lesson, not the end of the world. Tomorrow is another day. As a parent, I have to be more mindful of what I say and how I say it when buttons are pushed (both strong characters) because as has been said, it’s how you make them feel, not even necessarily what you actually say (which can get short-handed into something that was not actually said/done, and sounds a lot worse). Peace!

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2017

      Hi Tania,

      I am so pleased that this episode has given you some takeaways that resonated with you.

      Mel xo

  • benedictedavies70@gmail.com'
    Edelweiss
    May 10, 2017

    Thanks Melanie, how spookily right on time again! I have been struggling badly with this lately, doing what I knew was right but not really feeling it, wracked with doubts and confusion.

    This phrase “you have to leave them no choice but to come UP if they want to join you” felt like a gigantic foundation stone popped up under my feet on which everything rests as solid as house. Everything you said around that makes everything fit into place and it is filled with love, I will think of this every time I think of them now, that I am calling and encouraging them up and it allows my love as a mother somewhere to go and flow. Overwhelmed with grace.

    Much love to you all.

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2017

      Hi Edelweiss,

      I am so, so pleased this has helped.

      Grace and love and solidness is where it is at.

      Happy Birthday to your son!!

      Mel xo

  • benedictedavies70@gmail.com'
    Edelweiss
    May 10, 2017

    It is my son’s birthday today too. XX

  • valpal@rogers.com'
    Valerie Palmer
    May 10, 2017

    Dear Mel,

    Several weeks ago I was searching and searching because I came to realize that one of my adult son (49) is a narcissist. Then I realized that several other people in my life, my Mother her religion, my former husband too all carried that label. I hate labels but I had asked for guidance from Source. Then I found your website! 🙂 I did your workshop several times and I have written to you with my final healing story. It is so painful going ‘no contact’ as there are grandchildren involved, and due to circumstances I only get to see them once a year. The Universe works in many wonderful ways. My ancestors have had tremendous trauma, generations of abuse, deprivation, poverty, wars. My journey has been long and painful. I always wanted healing for my sons (2). I do feel that my healing now will precipitate their healing and that is my desire. I am healing everyday. I was divinely guided to find your YouTube and today’s is the culmination of my souls journey. Your work is so important Mel, as we need balancing in the female/masculine energies on our planet. You are indeed a wonderful LIGHT and I am thankful to have found a kindred spirit! Love and Light Valerie

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2017

      Hi Valerie,

      I am so pleased you have found your way to our wonderful Community!

      Bless you Dear Lady … That is wonderful that you are on your way.

      Much love and light to you too 🙂

      Mel xo

  • ted.wrinch@gmail.com'
    Ted Wrinch
    May 10, 2017

    Mel, our daughter is 22 and has been alienated from me for four years by her NPD mother. She’s had narcissistic traits from 16 and has also taken a path of excess through drugs, alcohol, sex, parties and academic failure. I see this as a path she needed to take to individuate away from her mother’s empty, narcisstic middle class life. She’s had a job and a loyal, kind, reliable boyfriend for four years and a loyal, empathic, caring circle of friends for longer. I see these people as her second, perhaps real, family who are allowing her to thaw her feelings and learn empathy and emotional intelligence, to counter-act the cold, manipulative abuse she experiences from her weekly contact with her super narcissist covert mother. Having been pushed out of her life by her mother, I can have no direct contact or influence on our daughter but I write now and then to try to remind her of our former relationship of love and support. Do you think this healing through a second, chosen family of friends and a partner is a new way of healing from narcissistic abuse now?

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2017

      Hi Ted,

      my heart goes out to you regarding being alienated …

      I really do believe that people can mirror to us love and or pain, and be “sent” as angels even in our life … and mostly it is about an inner decision within us as to what that means for us and to awaken.

      Maybe they have been the catalyst for that to occur for her.

      Sending you healing and best wishes.

      Mel xo

  • lauriemj8890@yahoo.com'
    Laurie Syme
    May 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie, I feel that my youngest daughter who stayed with her narcissistic father since my divorce over 10 years ago, she has picked up on his tendencies, pushing buttons, giving the silent treatment, ect. Thankfully, since I have taken your seminars, it allowed me to take a deep breath when confronted with her, and realize that she is too far gone, and I had to make a decision that I will not tolerate her abuse any longer just like I did with her dad. As she was saying hateful things to me in order to get a reaction, I calmly asked her to stop. She refused and when she didn’t get my past response of reacting, she actually put her hands on me and threw me into the wall behind me. Now I’m a petite woman, 5’1″ tall, and she is taller than me, so I took her in my arms, pointed her toward the couch to soften her landing and I LAUNCHED her across the room. She landed so hard it knocked her glasses right off, and stunned her. I said to her very calmly that I will not tolerate her negative actions toward me as I am her mother, however I also told her to leave and not contact me until she was ready to issue an apology. It’s never gonna happen. I lost her a long time ago. Just couldn’t take the nasty abuse any longer. So, as Mother’s Day approaches, I know I won’t hear from my children as they are under the narcissists spell. It’s sad, but I am so glad I can finally stand up for myself! Thank you for all you do and how you have given all of us tools to become Thrivers! Laurie Syme Winter Park, Florida USA

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      May 11, 2017

      Hi Laurie,

      I am so pleased you have honoured you and said “No more”. I can’t even imagine how hard that must be from your own children … however it is your right and ability to live an incredible Thriver Life – and of course if they wish to join you in integrity and love your door is open.

      Big hugs and thank you for sharing your story Laurie with courage, love and wholesomeness.

      I know it will inspire others who need support 🙂

      Mel xo

  • carmswan@cableone.net'
    Carmen
    May 11, 2017

    Hi Melanie,

    I am a new NARPer and I am wondering how to work these shifts for our children into the modules. Do we do all of the visualizations imagining them there with us? As if the swirling toxic emotions are leaving their bodies? Or do we just do the work on ourselves as usual and trust that the effects will in fact, reach them?

    Thank you so much for all of your work. You are changing our world!

  • Melanie Tonia Evans
    May 11, 2017

    Hi Carmen,

    please know the most effective way we can help coach you with any questions is in the NARP Forum – http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/member … there specialised Thrivers are there for 24/7 support.

    The short answer is – both … it is essential to work on healing ourselves, and we can do the charges in our body directly relating to our children – if and when we are triggered into these.

    As advanced NARP work we can even work on our children’s inner being by proxy – after we have done a great deal of up-levelling self.

    I hope this helps 🙂

    You are so welcome Carmen, and bless you! Keep going! You are a part of this movement too 🙂

    Mel xo

  • amy050269@icloud.com'
    Amy
    May 12, 2017

    Hi Mel,

    Thank you for this week’s Show. You have replied to me a few times in relation to my children on the NARP forum. I have been working the GSM and I am fully anchored on an emotional set point. As much as I want a new relationship with my children, I now realize that I have to set boundaries with them as well. This episode made me realize how important that is. For me it will be finding a balance between validating their feelings and setting boundaries. I used your emotional set point in the GSM that you also used and it a good one because when the children were young we prayed together, the Now I lay me down to Sleep prayer and praying for our Soul to Keep. It was the situations, and events that finally got my attention to leave the N, my little me kept attracting such occurances to get my attention. Thank you for the work that you do, you are truly an Earth Angel.

    Love
    Amy

  • laura.escobar350@gmail.com'
    Laurie
    May 13, 2017

    Thank you Melanie for your much needed support. When my daughter was 18 she went to her grandmas for a visit. My narcissistic mom kept her and turned her away from her entire family making it impossible to have contact with her. Because of the smear campaign our family has been socially isolated .10 years later my mom paid someone else to control her life, she calls me, pretending to be a friend., we reunited but I realized that my daughter has become like her grandma, devoid of any love and empathy.She has been programmed not to trust her family and to believe she has something wrong with her brain even though my daughter has a degree in child development and is very intelligent. She has been psychologically raped.The woman coerced her and took her to live in another state. The most painful thing in the world is to let go of your child for the sake of your own survival. My relationship with my youngest daughter is very precious to me.

  • pamelajdixon@verizon.net'
    Rhonda Solomon
    May 14, 2017

    Hi, I have been listening to, and reading your podcasts/blogs to help me cope with issues with a sister. Through what I have learned about NPD, I realized that one of my twin daughters might be exhibiting tendencies as well. Although, I am often the victim, in both instances, I’m not the primary victim. For my sister, it’s our other sister. (Among, many, many other relatives/friends), and for my twin daughter, it’s her twin sister that takes the brunt.

    With regards to my sister, I am close with all of her children and their families, and have no issues at all, so it is almost impossible to go no contact with her, unless I forfeit those other cherished relationships. For my twins, I don’t want to advise my other daughter about no contact, because when things are good, they are great! I’d rather help her with strategies to mitigate it. I know for me, just understanding the disorder and being able to predict actions….helps me to cope. I look at it almost like a game, and when I can not feed into providing Narcissistic Supply, I feel like I get points. I’m getting good at it, so we can at least maintain superficial contact. I’d like to help my daughter do the same. Am I hurting or helping her if I do this?

    I also intend to try the things you suggest to help my daughter with the tendencies as you did with Zac.

  • yumitakanz@outlook.com'
    NewMeNZ
    July 27, 2017

    Hi, Melanie

    I have just found my Ex (to be) husband is narcissist, and then I realized my son is also have narcissistic tendency. My son is 18 years old and he has been one smart boy since he was young. I have been thinking because the way we brought him up ( he is the only child, he is smart, good at everything he does, he has been always in the middle of the attention – it just what he is ) he became a narcissist. However, since I have read and listened to you, it is also because of his child wounds. I guess because he has been a smart boy and we expected him to be the best, and also my husband has been asking him to be ‘ the best’ as well, he maybe got really hurt. Now, top of that, through his life, my husband has no boundry to his emiotion or his life crisis to our son, he was giving him all his problem to him, sharing his emotions, everything. I mean, my husband says ‘ that’s good that our son knows we are just human as well, we have problems and emotions.’ But that is include my husband sharing nasty emotion towards me, ‘ see, your mum is nasty’, ‘ your mum is hopeless’… and so on. Now, since our separation started, my husband is forwarding all my lawyer’s emails to him, the bank collection letter to him and commenting ‘ if your mum doesn’t pay this debts, it will be yours.’…
    My son must be so confused and now he is acting so nasty to me. He acts and says exactly like my husband does now.

    I am now not living with him, he is in Uni housing. I have been speaking to him for 2 weeks since he gave me a threatening txt to say that ‘ Let’s talk about this with lawyer. ‘ ‘ I will send a collection to your door.’. I told him as a mum, I should not be talked like this and I don’t deserve to be treated like this. And after that, I have not heard from him, I am not contacting him.

    I have no idea what to do with him now. It hurts, it’s like double punch since I am having a huge separation battle with my husband…

    Thank you Melanie for your resources, it is helping me…

    • Melanie Tonia Evans
      July 27, 2017

      Hi NewMeNZ,

      Please know I have created many resources that can help you – and I’d love you to research them by googling my name + children, and ultimately experience Quanta Freedom Healing in my free webinar where you can discover and feel what it is to release the trauma about this out of your body in order to open up space for the situation to change.

      That is the most powerful way that this can change.

      You can do this here: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

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