Melanie Tonia Evans

How Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me To Be A Source To Myself

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
45
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
45
  I talk in the Community, a lot, about how important it is to become a source to ourselves, so that we can stop handing power over to narcissists – False Selves. And, also, so that we become powerful creators of our own lives, without dependence on anyone else to provide it for us. And then I realised – I had never done a Thriver TV episode specifically on this! In today's video, I am going to be addressing the four key elements of self: self-love, self-approval, security and survival and how you can identify if you are deficient in some or all of these areas. Personally, before recovering from narcissistic abuse, despite appearing outwardly that I had my life together, I was a complete disaster in all of these areas. (more…)

 

I talk in the Community, a lot, about how important it is to become a source to ourselves, so that we can stop handing power over to narcissists – False Selves. And, also, so that we become powerful creators of our own lives, without dependence on anyone else to provide it for us.

And then I realised – I had never done a Thriver TV episode specifically on this!

In today’s video, I am going to be addressing the four key elements of self: self-love, self-approval, security and survival and how you can identify if you are deficient in some or all of these areas.

Personally, before recovering from narcissistic abuse, despite appearing outwardly that I had my life together, I was a complete disaster in all of these areas.

How To Forgive Yourself For Falling For A Narcissist: Love After Abuse Series

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
40
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
40
  One of the hardest things about recovering from narcissistic abuse is that we have to reconcile with the fact that we put so much of our time, love and resources into someone who wasn’t even real. You may be carrying a lot of shame about the fact that your life is now in a far worse state, as a result of the relationship. And worse yet, you may have lost total faith in yourself for making the decisions you did in the past. I want you to understand this, right from the onset, often even more than having to forgive the narcissist – we have to forgive ourselves. And the irony is: unless we forgive ourselves we can’t forgive and be released from any of this, and we can’t forgive the process and what happened to us. (more…)

 

One of the hardest things about recovering from narcissistic abuse is that we have to reconcile with the fact that we put so much of our time, love and resources into someone who wasn’t even real.

You may be carrying a lot of shame about the fact that your life is now in a far worse state, as a result of the relationship.

And worse yet, you may have lost total faith in yourself for making the decisions you did in the past.

I want you to understand this, right from the onset, often even more than having to forgive the narcissist – we have to forgive ourselves. And the irony is: unless we forgive ourselves we can’t forgive and be released from any of this, and we can’t forgive the process and what happened to us.

Pathological Jealousy And Narcissism – Why You Can Never Earn Their Trust

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
30
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
30
  If you have ever experienced the pathological jealousy of a narcissist, you know it goes a long way beyond being merely insecure. In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain to you the difference between the narcissist’s levels of pathological jealousy and what we would term as “normal” levels of jealousy, and what the steps are to recognising it. We also go through how narcissists play out pathological envy ... and I'm going to explain to you how I released myself and healed from the pattern of jealous and controlling partners. (more…)

 

If you have ever experienced the pathological jealousy of a narcissist, you know it goes a long way beyond being merely insecure.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain to you the difference between the narcissist’s levels of pathological jealousy and what we would term as “normal” levels of jealousy, and what the steps are to recognising it.

We also go through how narcissists play out pathological envy … and I’m going to explain to you how I released myself and healed from the pattern of jealous and controlling partners.

Narcissistic Fathers – Healing Yourself And Protecting Your Children From A Toxic Upbringing

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
54
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
54
  The destruction of narcissistic fathers is far-reaching and is a problem that is truly plaguing our world. Many of you may have experienced that, with a narcissistic father, your boundaries weren't able to develop – because you didn’t have any. It is also likely that, no matter what you ever did, it wasn’t enough to earn his love or approval ... and ... when you were in need of care, love or advice, the conversations became all about him, about his problems, blaming you or telling you what you were or weren’t doing to make him happy. (more…)

 

The destruction of narcissistic fathers is far-reaching and is a problem that is truly plaguing our world.

Many of you may have experienced that, with a narcissistic father, your boundaries weren’t able to develop – because you didn’t have any.

It is also likely that, no matter what you ever did, it wasn’t enough to earn his love or approval … and … when you were in need of care, love or advice, the conversations became all about him, about his problems, blaming you or telling you what you were or weren’t doing to make him happy.

7 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
112
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
112
  Going no contact with a narcissist, and holding it, is excruciatingly difficult. Firstly, there are the terrible feelings of loss of leaving someone, and a life, that you poured your heart and soul into. And ... maybe ... if we have just tried "that", or if he or she had done "that" ... that it could have worked. And then there’s the chaotic thoughts in our head trying to see into the future to predict ... What are they going to do next? (more…)

 

Going no contact with a narcissist, and holding it, is excruciatingly difficult.

Firstly, there are the terrible feelings of loss of leaving someone, and a life, that you poured your heart and soul into.

And … maybe … if we have just tried “that”, or if he or she had done “that” … that it could have worked.

And then there’s the chaotic thoughts in our head trying to see into the future to predict …

What are they going to do next?

Are Narcissists Evil? A Thriver TV Halloween Special!

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
129
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
129
  The costume might be a bit of fun, yet today’s Thriver TV episode is a really deep, interesting and serious one. It tackles these questions that so many of us have asked: What is evil? Is the narcissist evil? We all know the feeling of ice in our veins and the horrible disbelief we feel, and the dread and unspeakable trauma when connected to a narcissist. We know it feels intensely evil. It also feels like a creepy psychic phenomenon – not unlike the Dementors in Harry Potter who can literally suck your soul and lifeforce from you. Is this undeniable energetic force that is going on “evil”? (more…)

 

The costume might be a bit of fun, yet today’s Thriver TV episode is a really deep, interesting and serious one.

It tackles these questions that so many of us have asked: What is evil? Is the narcissist evil?

We all know the feeling of ice in our veins and the horrible disbelief we feel, and the dread and unspeakable trauma when connected to a narcissist. We know it feels intensely evil.

It also feels like a creepy psychic phenomenon – not unlike the Dementors in Harry Potter who can literally suck your soul and lifeforce from you.

Is this undeniable energetic force that is going on “evil”?

When Does Passive-Aggressive Behaviour Become Narcissistic?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
55
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
55
  I’m really excited to write this article, because this is a question that many people ask: “Is this narcissistic or is this simply passive-aggressive?” So what is passive-aggressive behaviour? And how does it cross the line into being narcissistic … or is passive-aggressive behaviour simply narcissistic anyway? Wikipedia states it as being this: Passive-aggressive behaviour is "a type of behaviour ... characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation." I truly do believe that all narcissists operate in passive-aggressive ways, because being passive-aggressive means this – rather than being open and honest about what that person is feeling, or working in with people honestly, or asking for what is required personally, they express displeasure through actions instead. (more…)

 

I’m really excited to write this article, because this is a question that many people ask: “Is this narcissistic or is this simply passive-aggressive?”

So what is passive-aggressive behaviour? And how does it cross the line into being narcissistic … or is passive-aggressive behaviour simply narcissistic anyway?

Wikipedia states it as being this: Passive-aggressive behaviour is “a type of behaviour … characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation.”

I truly do believe that all narcissists operate in passive-aggressive ways, because being passive-aggressive means this – rather than being open and honest about what that person is feeling, or working in with people honestly, or asking for what is required personally, they express displeasure through actions instead.

How To Beat A Narcissist Without Needing To Expose Them Or Make Them Admit They Are Wrong

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
69
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
69
  Narcissists trigger us into more things than just despair and feeling powerless. We feel mad, violated, taken as a fool, manipulated and lied to. In fact, there are very few things that make people as angry and devastated as feeling deceived and betrayed. Of course, we want to stop their terrible behavior, yet the ways we try to stop them hurting us are often the exact ways that hand them more bullets to shoot us down with. So … in this video, today, I am going to teach you how to beat the narcissist at their own game without needing to expose them or make them wrong. And the irony is, you will expose them and you will make them wrong – but that is NOT what you are initially setting out to do! (more…)

 

Narcissists trigger us into more things than just despair and feeling powerless.

We feel mad, violated, taken as a fool, manipulated and lied to. In fact, there are very few things that make people as angry and devastated as feeling deceived and betrayed.

Of course, we want to stop their terrible behavior, yet the ways we try to stop them hurting us are often the exact ways that hand them more bullets to shoot us down with.

So … in this video, today, I am going to teach you how to beat the narcissist at their own game without needing to expose them or make them wrong.

And the irony is, you will expose them and you will make them wrong – but that is NOT what you are initially setting out to do!

What To Do When The Narcissist Wants To Be Your Friend

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
38
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
38
  After severing ties with a narcissist it's likely that they will have tried to maintain contact in some form ... They may have even put the question to you - do you want to stay friends? This can be a very difficult offer to say no to, after all, you most likely shared parts of yourself with this person that you have never shared with anyone else. And there were those times that they made you feel so special and understood. The thought of saying "No" and letting this go forever can be incredibly daunting. Trust me ... I've been there. (more…)

 

After severing ties with a narcissist it’s likely that they will have tried to maintain contact in some form …

They may have even put the question to you – do you want to stay friends?

This can be a very difficult offer to say no to, after all, you most likely shared parts of yourself with this person that you have never shared with anyone else. And there were those times that they made you feel so special and understood.

The thought of saying “No” and letting this go forever can be incredibly daunting. Trust me … I’ve been there.

5 Ways To Rebuild Your Self-Worth After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
19
Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
19
  After being narcissistically abused, your self-worth is stripped. And why wouldn’t it be when every insecurity, fear and inadequacy you have felt about yourself, others and life has erupted and blown up in your face? After being narcissistically abused, not only do we doubt that we are lovable, desirable, capable or adequate, we even doubt our ability to stay vertical, survive our wounds or live as a human being on this planet, in a way that is not tormenting beyond belief. If we thought we have had doubts about our Self before narcissistic abuse, now it has gone to unthinkable levels. Today, in this episode, I want to grant you 5 ways that you can start rebuilding your self-worth after narcissistic abuse. (more…)

 

After being narcissistically abused, your self-worth is stripped. And why wouldn’t it be when every insecurity, fear and inadequacy you have felt about yourself, others and life has erupted and blown up in your face?

After being narcissistically abused, not only do we doubt that we are lovable, desirable, capable or adequate, we even doubt our ability to stay vertical, survive our wounds or live as a human being on this planet, in a way that is not tormenting beyond belief.

If we thought we have had doubts about our Self before narcissistic abuse, now it has gone to unthinkable levels.

Today, in this episode, I want to grant you 5 ways that you can start rebuilding your self-worth after narcissistic abuse.