Melanie Tonia Evans

10 Lessons Learned From Being Married To A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Being married to a narcissist taught me so much about myself, life and relationships that nothing other than being married to a narcissist could have taught me. Little did I know that the greatest crash-course I could imagine to the evolution of myself would be the by-product of being married to a narcissist – forever cleaning up my previous false beliefs that hadn’t been serving me. I finally gave up being a victim and took on the Thriver Way of personal responsibility – self-partnering, finding and releasing my wounds and growing up my under-developed Inner Identity parts up. (more…)

 

Being married to a narcissist taught me so much about myself, life and relationships that nothing other than being married to a narcissist could have taught me.

Little did I know that the greatest crash-course I could imagine to the evolution of myself would be the by-product of being married to a narcissist – forever cleaning up my previous false beliefs that hadn’t been serving me.

I finally gave up being a victim and took on the Thriver Way of personal responsibility – self-partnering, finding and releasing my wounds and growing up my under-developed Inner Identity parts up.

How To Start Healing When Everything Seems Helpless

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I really wanted to do this episode to help people who are traumatized beyond measure, and feel really mired in the helplessness of narcissistic abuse. I’ve been there myself … just as many people have – been in that place where there seems to be no hope, no way out and no way to rebuild. I know so many of us have lived that truth – when we are at the final breakdown stages with a narcissist. We know we can’t survive the abuse anymore, but we have no way to believe that we can survive if we leave either. (more…)

 

I really wanted to do this episode to help people who are traumatized beyond measure, and feel really mired in the helplessness of narcissistic abuse.

I’ve been there myself … just as many people have – been in that place where there seems to be no hope, no way out and no way to rebuild.

I know so many of us have lived that truth – when we are at the final breakdown stages with a narcissist. We know we can’t survive the abuse anymore, but we have no way to believe that we can survive if we leave either.

5 Steps To Ignoring A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you. Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away. This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out. That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head. (more…)

 

Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you.

Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away.

This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out.

That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head.

How To Recognise The 5 Types Of Trauma Bonding

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist. This is the thing … You KNOW you need to stay away …. You KNOW things aren’t getting better … Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you. (more…)

 

I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist.

This is the thing …

You KNOW you need to stay away ….

You KNOW things aren’t getting better …

Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you.

Why Can’t I Stop Loving The Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It’s painful beyond measure. When someone who treats us WORSE than we could imagine … who is threatening our very mental and emotional fibre and everything we stand for … and is being someone who we SHOULDN’T love … Just happens to be THE person we can’t stop loving. This happens with narcissists, so often that it is not just some random tale of painful mismatched love. There is actually so much more to it. This Thriver TV episode, I believe, is very necessary ... because one of the deadliest (if not THE deadliest) hooks of narcissistic abuse is when we feel we can’t stop loving the person who is abusing us. (more…)

 

It’s painful beyond measure.

When someone who treats us WORSE than we could imagine … who is threatening our very mental and emotional fibre and everything we stand for … and is being someone who we SHOULDN’T love …

Just happens to be THE person we can’t stop loving.

This happens with narcissists, so often that it is not just some random tale of painful mismatched love.

There is actually so much more to it.

This Thriver TV episode, I believe, is very necessary … because one of the deadliest (if not THE deadliest) hooks of narcissistic abuse is when we feel we can’t stop loving the person who is abusing us.

How To Rebuild The Dream The Narcissist Tore Down

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Do you relate to this? When I first met the narcissist, I thought I had finally come home to my dream life. Yet, as time passed it became more and more evident that the dream life with him was never going to be real, let alone last. In order to hold onto the belief that my life would turn out exactly as I hoped, I had to make excuses, rationalise his behaviour and pretty much downright lie to myself. Until, I finally decided enough was enough ... and by the time I did, I was looking at my life smashed to pieces in a pile of rubble all around me. Losing the dream life that we thought was our reality with a narcissist is torturous. (more…)

 

Do you relate to this?

When I first met the narcissist, I thought I had finally come home to my dream life.

Yet, as time passed it became more and more evident that the dream life with him was never going to be real, let alone last.

In order to hold onto the belief that my life would turn out exactly as I hoped, I had to make excuses, rationalise his behaviour and pretty much downright lie to myself.

Until, I finally decided enough was enough … and by the time I did, I was looking at my life smashed to pieces in a pile of rubble all around me.

Losing the dream life that we thought was our reality with a narcissist is torturous.

Disarming The Narcissist – The 5 Essential Steps To Reclaiming Your Freedom

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It is so interesting that, until we start turning inwards to self-partner and purposefully evolve ourselves, we may think that focusing on and trying to stop, change or combat the narcissist is what disarms them. This is a totally false premise – it’s Wrong Town! We have no power to change anyone let alone disarm them –and in fact when we try to beat the narcissist at their own game, we usually find ourselves up to our neck in toxic drama, battles and abuse … at levels that we could barely fathom, let alone believe we would start experiencing as our own personal nightmare. Trying to “get even” is not what is going to hurt a narcissist, it actually feeds them, it brings you right into the arena that they love to occupy the most. It hands them narcissistic supply (attention) on a silver plate. It allows them the significance that you have been affected significantly by them. (more…)

 

It is so interesting that, until we start turning inwards to self-partner and purposefully evolve ourselves, we may think that focusing on and trying to stop, change or combat the narcissist is what disarms them.

This is a totally false premise – it’s Wrong Town!

We have no power to change anyone let alone disarm them –and in fact when we try to beat the narcissist at their own game, we usually find ourselves up to our neck in toxic drama, battles and abuse … at levels that we could barely fathom, let alone believe we would start experiencing as our own personal nightmare.

Trying to “get even” is not what is going to hurt a narcissist, it actually feeds them, it brings you right into the arena that they love to occupy the most. It hands them narcissistic supply (attention) on a silver plate. It allows them the significance that you have been affected significantly by them.

What To Do When You Lose All Hope To Recover

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  When we are broken, devastated and crawling through our life second to second and looking at the rubble of what used to be our life smashed to pieces on the ground, it may seem hopeless and helpless. It is really common for us Thrivers to experience people in the NARP Community starting their inner healing journey who admit they feel like it’s too late, they are too old, they have lost too much or they are too broken to heal. I promise you once upon a time I felt like I was never going to heal … and I can’t tell you how many people have told me the same things over the years – and many of these people I know now as incredible glowing Thrivers. During this video we take a deep dive into why is it that some people heal and Thrive, whereas others don’t. (more…)

 

When we are broken, devastated and crawling through our life second to second and looking at the rubble of what used to be our life smashed to pieces on the ground, it may seem hopeless and helpless.

It is really common for us Thrivers to experience people in the NARP Community starting their inner healing journey who admit they feel like it’s too late, they are too old, they have lost too much or they are too broken to heal.

I promise you once upon a time I felt like I was never going to heal … and I can’t tell you how many people have told me the same things over the years – and many of these people I know now as incredible glowing Thrivers.

During this video we take a deep dive into why is it that some people heal and Thrive, whereas others don’t.

How To Separate Your Identity From A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Naturally, when we realise that we have been narcissistically abused, it's normal to identify ourselves with it so closely that we are living and breathing “narcissism”. It’s like living smack bang in the center of a horror show. And … we can be forgiven for thinking that this deep identification with a narcissist is what we should be doing in order to grasp what has happened to us. However, this is exactly what this episode is about … how the very things we think can help sometimes are making matters worse ... and how until we “go Quantum” we don’t realise it! True Healing can never happen when we make our life all about “them” – spending extended time focusing on the narcissist, who they are, what they did and why they did it. (more…)

 

Naturally, when we realise that we have been narcissistically abused, it’s normal to identify ourselves with it so closely that we are living and breathing “narcissism”.

It’s like living smack bang in the center of a horror show.

And … we can be forgiven for thinking that this deep identification with a narcissist is what we should be doing in order to grasp what has happened to us.

However, this is exactly what this episode is about … how the very things we think can help sometimes are making matters worse … and how until we “go Quantum” we don’t realise it!

True Healing can never happen when we make our life all about “them” – spending extended time focusing on the narcissist, who they are, what they did and why they did it.

How To Eliminate Narcissists From Your Life

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Narcissists enmesh with you mentally, emotionally and psychically; it is literally like this person unzipped us, stepped inside and is crawling around under our skin. That may sound farfetched to anyone who has never been narcissistically abused, but for those of us who have, it is a common feeling that collectively we have suffered. This Thriver TV episode is not about why we have that feeling, it is about what happens when we no longer do. What does it feel like when we have eliminated the narcissist’s presence and the narcissist is no longer our reality? (more…)

 

Narcissists enmesh with you mentally, emotionally and psychically; it is literally like this person unzipped us, stepped inside and is crawling around under our skin.

That may sound farfetched to anyone who has never been narcissistically abused, but for those of us who have, it is a common feeling that collectively we have suffered.

This Thriver TV episode is not about why we have that feeling, it is about what happens when we no longer do.

What does it feel like when we have eliminated the narcissist’s presence and the narcissist is no longer our reality?