Melanie Tonia Evans

How Narcissistic Abuse Taught Me To Be A Source To Myself

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I talk in the Community, a lot, about how important it is to become a source to ourselves, so that we can stop handing power over to narcissists – False Selves. And, also, so that we become powerful creators of our own lives, without dependence on anyone else to provide it for us. And then I realised – I had never done a Thriver TV episode specifically on this! In today's video, I am going to be addressing the four key elements of self: self-love, self-approval, security and survival and how you can identify if you are deficient in some or all of these areas. Personally, before recovering from narcissistic abuse, despite appearing outwardly that I had my life together, I was a complete disaster in all of these areas. (more…)

 

I talk in the Community, a lot, about how important it is to become a source to ourselves, so that we can stop handing power over to narcissists – False Selves. And, also, so that we become powerful creators of our own lives, without dependence on anyone else to provide it for us.

And then I realised – I had never done a Thriver TV episode specifically on this!

In today’s video, I am going to be addressing the four key elements of self: self-love, self-approval, security and survival and how you can identify if you are deficient in some or all of these areas.

Personally, before recovering from narcissistic abuse, despite appearing outwardly that I had my life together, I was a complete disaster in all of these areas.

5 Ways To Rebuild Your Self-Worth After Narcissistic Abuse

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  After being narcissistically abused, your self-worth is stripped. And why wouldn’t it be when every insecurity, fear and inadequacy you have felt about yourself, others and life has erupted and blown up in your face? After being narcissistically abused, not only do we doubt that we are lovable, desirable, capable or adequate, we even doubt our ability to stay vertical, survive our wounds or live as a human being on this planet, in a way that is not tormenting beyond belief. If we thought we have had doubts about our Self before narcissistic abuse, now it has gone to unthinkable levels. Today, in this episode, I want to grant you 5 ways that you can start rebuilding your self-worth after narcissistic abuse. (more…)

 

After being narcissistically abused, your self-worth is stripped. And why wouldn’t it be when every insecurity, fear and inadequacy you have felt about yourself, others and life has erupted and blown up in your face?

After being narcissistically abused, not only do we doubt that we are lovable, desirable, capable or adequate, we even doubt our ability to stay vertical, survive our wounds or live as a human being on this planet, in a way that is not tormenting beyond belief.

If we thought we have had doubts about our Self before narcissistic abuse, now it has gone to unthinkable levels.

Today, in this episode, I want to grant you 5 ways that you can start rebuilding your self-worth after narcissistic abuse.

The Best Way To Set Yourself Free From A Narcissistic Relationship

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  One of the hardest things to do in our life is to forgive the unforgivable. How can we achieve it? Why do we even need to achieve it? The reason I’m sharing this video with you, today, is because I too have known the torturous state of not being able to get over the past. The pain of the past can be crippling. And even though we may have left a situation and / or person behind, and moved on physically, we can still be stuck in the emotional damage. It feels so painfully real, it’s as if the events and violations are still continuing. (more…)

 

One of the hardest things to do in our life is to forgive the unforgivable. How can we achieve it? Why do we even need to achieve it?

The reason I’m sharing this video with you, today, is because I too have known the torturous state of not being able to get over the past.

The pain of the past can be crippling. And even though we may have left a situation and / or person behind, and moved on physically, we can still be stuck in the emotional damage.

It feels so painfully real, it’s as if the events and violations are still continuing.

What Is The Most Powerful Narcissist Inoculation?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Being abused by a narcissist is one of the most traumatic experiences that could ever happen to you. It left you reeling. It was like your life-force was sucked out, and then you were left trying to deal with a “self” who felt like an empty, traumatised shell. I know, just like me, you never want to go through that again. In fact, the possibility is unthinkable. And to avoid that, this is what we are inclined to do – try to arm ourselves with as much information and knowledge possible regarding how to spot a narcissist and avoid them. (more…)

 

Being abused by a narcissist is one of the most traumatic experiences that could ever happen to you.

It left you reeling.

It was like your life-force was sucked out, and then you were left trying to deal with a “self” who felt like an empty, traumatised shell.

I know, just like me, you never want to go through that again. In fact, the possibility is unthinkable.

And to avoid that, this is what we are inclined to do – try to arm ourselves with as much information and knowledge possible regarding how to spot a narcissist and avoid them.

Can You Heal While You Are Still With A Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I know we all hear time and time again how you should just leave, create No Contact and THEN start healing. And … I do agree that No Contact and leaving before trying to heal is often the best way to recover. Yet, maybe you just can’t do that – because of children, or a combined business or you don’t have anywhere to go yet. Or maybe … and this reason is a big reason … because you know you just don’t have the resources or the strength or the emotional capacity to do it yet. You simply may be too traumatised, addicted, hooked and or frightened to let go. (more…)

 

I know we all hear time and time again how you should just leave, create No Contact and THEN start healing. And … I do agree that No Contact and leaving before trying to heal is often the best way to recover.

Yet, maybe you just can’t do that – because of children, or a combined business or you don’t have anywhere to go yet.

Or maybe … and this reason is a big reason … because you know you just don’t have the resources or the strength or the emotional capacity to do it yet. You simply may be too traumatised, addicted, hooked and or frightened to let go.

10 Lessons Learned From Being Married To A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Being married to a narcissist taught me so much about myself, life and relationships that nothing other than being married to a narcissist could have taught me. Little did I know that the greatest crash-course I could imagine to the evolution of myself would be the by-product of being married to a narcissist – forever cleaning up my previous false beliefs that hadn’t been serving me. I finally gave up being a victim and took on the Thriver Way of personal responsibility – self-partnering, finding and releasing my wounds and growing up my under-developed Inner Identity parts up. (more…)

 

Being married to a narcissist taught me so much about myself, life and relationships that nothing other than being married to a narcissist could have taught me.

Little did I know that the greatest crash-course I could imagine to the evolution of myself would be the by-product of being married to a narcissist – forever cleaning up my previous false beliefs that hadn’t been serving me.

I finally gave up being a victim and took on the Thriver Way of personal responsibility – self-partnering, finding and releasing my wounds and growing up my under-developed Inner Identity parts up.

How To Start Healing When Everything Seems Helpless

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I really wanted to do this episode to help people who are traumatized beyond measure, and feel really mired in the helplessness of narcissistic abuse. I’ve been there myself … just as many people have – been in that place where there seems to be no hope, no way out and no way to rebuild. I know so many of us have lived that truth – when we are at the final breakdown stages with a narcissist. We know we can’t survive the abuse anymore, but we have no way to believe that we can survive if we leave either. (more…)

 

I really wanted to do this episode to help people who are traumatized beyond measure, and feel really mired in the helplessness of narcissistic abuse.

I’ve been there myself … just as many people have – been in that place where there seems to be no hope, no way out and no way to rebuild.

I know so many of us have lived that truth – when we are at the final breakdown stages with a narcissist. We know we can’t survive the abuse anymore, but we have no way to believe that we can survive if we leave either.

5 Steps To Ignoring A Narcissist Who Tries To Punish You

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you. Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away. This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out. That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head. (more…)

 

Ignoring a narcissist is critical – it is a skill that will save your life. And there is no time that ignoring a narcissist is more important than when a narcissist tries to punish you.

Narcissists love to get your reaction. And as soon as they do, you are handing power away.

This is how narcissists “prosper” – they like to know that they have infiltrated your thoughts, heart, mind and soul to the point where they are everything to you – front and center, sideways, up and down and inside and out.

That is what it feels like when a narcissist gets their tentacles into you … like everything you used to think is tipped upside down and turned on its head.

How To Recognise The 5 Types Of Trauma Bonding

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist. This is the thing … You KNOW you need to stay away …. You KNOW things aren’t getting better … Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you. (more…)

 

I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist.

This is the thing …

You KNOW you need to stay away ….

You KNOW things aren’t getting better …

Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you.

Why Can’t I Stop Loving The Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It’s painful beyond measure. When someone who treats us WORSE than we could imagine … who is threatening our very mental and emotional fibre and everything we stand for … and is being someone who we SHOULDN’T love … Just happens to be THE person we can’t stop loving. This happens with narcissists, so often that it is not just some random tale of painful mismatched love. There is actually so much more to it. This Thriver TV episode, I believe, is very necessary ... because one of the deadliest (if not THE deadliest) hooks of narcissistic abuse is when we feel we can’t stop loving the person who is abusing us. (more…)

 

It’s painful beyond measure.

When someone who treats us WORSE than we could imagine … who is threatening our very mental and emotional fibre and everything we stand for … and is being someone who we SHOULDN’T love …

Just happens to be THE person we can’t stop loving.

This happens with narcissists, so often that it is not just some random tale of painful mismatched love.

There is actually so much more to it.

This Thriver TV episode, I believe, is very necessary … because one of the deadliest (if not THE deadliest) hooks of narcissistic abuse is when we feel we can’t stop loving the person who is abusing us.