Melanie Tonia Evans

How To Recognise The 5 Types Of Trauma Bonding

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist. This is the thing … You KNOW you need to stay away …. You KNOW things aren’t getting better … Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you. (more…)

 

I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist.

This is the thing …

You KNOW you need to stay away ….

You KNOW things aren’t getting better …

Yet, it is so usual to not be able to stop yourself connecting with them again and again – attempting to get sense, or wanting to force them to be accountable … and even trying to get them to respect, care for and love you.

Why Can’t I Stop Loving The Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It’s painful beyond measure. When someone who treats us WORSE than we could imagine … who is threatening our very mental and emotional fibre and everything we stand for … and is being someone who we SHOULDN’T love … Just happens to be THE person we can’t stop loving. This happens with narcissists, so often that it is not just some random tale of painful mismatched love. There is actually so much more to it. This Thriver TV episode, I believe, is very necessary ... because one of the deadliest (if not THE deadliest) hooks of narcissistic abuse is when we feel we can’t stop loving the person who is abusing us. (more…)

 

It’s painful beyond measure.

When someone who treats us WORSE than we could imagine … who is threatening our very mental and emotional fibre and everything we stand for … and is being someone who we SHOULDN’T love …

Just happens to be THE person we can’t stop loving.

This happens with narcissists, so often that it is not just some random tale of painful mismatched love.

There is actually so much more to it.

This Thriver TV episode, I believe, is very necessary … because one of the deadliest (if not THE deadliest) hooks of narcissistic abuse is when we feel we can’t stop loving the person who is abusing us.

How To Rebuild The Dream The Narcissist Tore Down

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Do you relate to this? When I first met the narcissist, I thought I had finally come home to my dream life. Yet, as time passed it became more and more evident that the dream life with him was never going to be real, let alone last. In order to hold onto the belief that my life would turn out exactly as I hoped, I had to make excuses, rationalise his behaviour and pretty much downright lie to myself. Until, I finally decided enough was enough ... and by the time I did, I was looking at my life smashed to pieces in a pile of rubble all around me. Losing the dream life that we thought was our reality with a narcissist is torturous. (more…)

 

Do you relate to this?

When I first met the narcissist, I thought I had finally come home to my dream life.

Yet, as time passed it became more and more evident that the dream life with him was never going to be real, let alone last.

In order to hold onto the belief that my life would turn out exactly as I hoped, I had to make excuses, rationalise his behaviour and pretty much downright lie to myself.

Until, I finally decided enough was enough … and by the time I did, I was looking at my life smashed to pieces in a pile of rubble all around me.

Losing the dream life that we thought was our reality with a narcissist is torturous.

Disarming The Narcissist – The 5 Essential Steps To Reclaiming Your Freedom

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It is so interesting that, until we start turning inwards to self-partner and purposefully evolve ourselves, we may think that focusing on and trying to stop, change or combat the narcissist is what disarms them. This is a totally false premise – it’s Wrong Town! We have no power to change anyone let alone disarm them –and in fact when we try to beat the narcissist at their own game, we usually find ourselves up to our neck in toxic drama, battles and abuse … at levels that we could barely fathom, let alone believe we would start experiencing as our own personal nightmare. Trying to “get even” is not what is going to hurt a narcissist, it actually feeds them, it brings you right into the arena that they love to occupy the most. It hands them narcissistic supply (attention) on a silver plate. It allows them the significance that you have been affected significantly by them. (more…)

 

It is so interesting that, until we start turning inwards to self-partner and purposefully evolve ourselves, we may think that focusing on and trying to stop, change or combat the narcissist is what disarms them.

This is a totally false premise – it’s Wrong Town!

We have no power to change anyone let alone disarm them –and in fact when we try to beat the narcissist at their own game, we usually find ourselves up to our neck in toxic drama, battles and abuse … at levels that we could barely fathom, let alone believe we would start experiencing as our own personal nightmare.

Trying to “get even” is not what is going to hurt a narcissist, it actually feeds them, it brings you right into the arena that they love to occupy the most. It hands them narcissistic supply (attention) on a silver plate. It allows them the significance that you have been affected significantly by them.

What To Do When You Lose All Hope To Recover

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  When we are broken, devastated and crawling through our life second to second and looking at the rubble of what used to be our life smashed to pieces on the ground, it may seem hopeless and helpless. It is really common for us Thrivers to experience people in the NARP Community starting their inner healing journey who admit they feel like it’s too late, they are too old, they have lost too much or they are too broken to heal. I promise you once upon a time I felt like I was never going to heal … and I can’t tell you how many people have told me the same things over the years – and many of these people I know now as incredible glowing Thrivers. During this video we take a deep dive into why is it that some people heal and Thrive, whereas others don’t. (more…)

 

When we are broken, devastated and crawling through our life second to second and looking at the rubble of what used to be our life smashed to pieces on the ground, it may seem hopeless and helpless.

It is really common for us Thrivers to experience people in the NARP Community starting their inner healing journey who admit they feel like it’s too late, they are too old, they have lost too much or they are too broken to heal.

I promise you once upon a time I felt like I was never going to heal … and I can’t tell you how many people have told me the same things over the years – and many of these people I know now as incredible glowing Thrivers.

During this video we take a deep dive into why is it that some people heal and Thrive, whereas others don’t.

How To Separate Your Identity From A Narcissist

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Naturally, when we realise that we have been narcissistically abused, it's normal to identify ourselves with it so closely that we are living and breathing “narcissism”. It’s like living smack bang in the center of a horror show. And … we can be forgiven for thinking that this deep identification with a narcissist is what we should be doing in order to grasp what has happened to us. However, this is exactly what this episode is about … how the very things we think can help sometimes are making matters worse ... and how until we “go Quantum” we don’t realise it! True Healing can never happen when we make our life all about “them” – spending extended time focusing on the narcissist, who they are, what they did and why they did it. (more…)

 

Naturally, when we realise that we have been narcissistically abused, it’s normal to identify ourselves with it so closely that we are living and breathing “narcissism”.

It’s like living smack bang in the center of a horror show.

And … we can be forgiven for thinking that this deep identification with a narcissist is what we should be doing in order to grasp what has happened to us.

However, this is exactly what this episode is about … how the very things we think can help sometimes are making matters worse … and how until we “go Quantum” we don’t realise it!

True Healing can never happen when we make our life all about “them” – spending extended time focusing on the narcissist, who they are, what they did and why they did it.

How To Eliminate Narcissists From Your Life

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Narcissists enmesh with you mentally, emotionally and psychically; it is literally like this person unzipped us, stepped inside and is crawling around under our skin. That may sound farfetched to anyone who has never been narcissistically abused, but for those of us who have, it is a common feeling that collectively we have suffered. This Thriver TV episode is not about why we have that feeling, it is about what happens when we no longer do. What does it feel like when we have eliminated the narcissist’s presence and the narcissist is no longer our reality? (more…)

 

Narcissists enmesh with you mentally, emotionally and psychically; it is literally like this person unzipped us, stepped inside and is crawling around under our skin.

That may sound farfetched to anyone who has never been narcissistically abused, but for those of us who have, it is a common feeling that collectively we have suffered.

This Thriver TV episode is not about why we have that feeling, it is about what happens when we no longer do.

What does it feel like when we have eliminated the narcissist’s presence and the narcissist is no longer our reality?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery – How Long Will It Take?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  It is shocking for so many people, how long the trauma of narcissistic abuse plagues them. Trying to recovery from narcissistic abuse can be one of the most frustrating and devastating journeys we could ever take. It can feel like one step forward and two (or more) back! Why is this the case? Why, even when we leave a narcissist and get out of the war zone, does the anxiety and deep depression continue? It is all to do with how we understand and deal with emotional pain. As well as learning and embracing what the trauma is really for and how to transmute it … in ways that not just liberate us from it, but also release us quickly and powerfully into freedom and joy. (more…)

 

It is shocking for so many people, how long the trauma of narcissistic abuse plagues them.

Trying to recovery from narcissistic abuse can be one of the most frustrating and devastating journeys we could ever take.

It can feel like one step forward and two (or more) back!

Why is this the case? Why, even when we leave a narcissist and get out of the war zone, does the anxiety and deep depression continue?

It is all to do with how we understand and deal with emotional pain.

As well as learning and embracing what the trauma is really for and how to transmute it … in ways that not just liberate us from it, but also release us quickly and powerfully into freedom and joy.

Will I Ever Feel The Same Attraction I Felt With The Narcissist?

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  Have you ever had the agonising issue of being head over heels attracted to someone who is totally bad for you? And …. even though this person abuses you and is impossible to create a healthy, safe and happy life with, you feel like they are your perfect match? This is the traumatic world of being connected with a narcissist lover, where I promise you SO many people have reported the same thing! In fact, some people when they first connected with a narcissist, felt this heart explosion … “This is The One” (yours truly included), and then ... when the relationship blows up and ends (as relationships with narcissists are apt to do)  there is a forlorn emptiness of missing and obsessing about the ex-partner. As well as, devastatingly, a benign non-existent attraction to anyone else. (more…)

 

Have you ever had the agonising issue of being head over heels attracted to someone who is totally bad for you?

And …. even though this person abuses you and is impossible to create a healthy, safe and happy life with, you feel like they are your perfect match?

This is the traumatic world of being connected with a narcissist lover, where I promise you SO many people have reported the same thing!

In fact, some people when they first connected with a narcissist, felt this heart explosion … “This is The One” (yours truly included), and then … when the relationship blows up and ends (as relationships with narcissists are apt to do)  there is a forlorn emptiness of missing and obsessing about the ex-partner.

As well as, devastatingly, a benign non-existent attraction to anyone else.

Why Grey Rock Alone Won’t Keep You Safe From Narcissists

Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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Written by   Melanie Tonia Evans
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  If you have asked for help on the internet or read articles on how to deal with a narcissist, chances are you have heard of the The Grey Rock Method. If you haven't heard of it, the Grey Rock Method involves switching off, showing no emotion and providing nothing that attracts a narcissist into granting energy back – by us becoming so boring and lifeless to the narcissist that they simply don't see us as a source of supply any more. Using the Grey Rock method is intended to help us reach the biggest goal we have with a narcissist, which is to detach and get well … mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. But often detaching and offering up “no energy”, to cut off narcissistic supply to narcissist, isn’t enough for us to get there … (more…)

 

If you have asked for help on the internet or read articles on how to deal with a narcissist, chances are you have heard of the The Grey Rock Method.

If you haven’t heard of it, the Grey Rock Method involves switching off, showing no emotion and providing nothing that attracts a narcissist into granting energy back – by us becoming so boring and lifeless to the narcissist that they simply don’t see us as a source of supply any more.

Using the Grey Rock method is intended to help us reach the biggest goal we have with a narcissist, which is to detach and get well … mentally, emotionally, physically and financially.

But often detaching and offering up “no energy”, to cut off narcissistic supply to narcissist, isn’t enough for us to get there …