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After abuse, we feel unattractive. How could we not suffer this when the abuse assaulted us on multiple levels? You lose self-esteem, energy and the motivation to do the most basic survival tasks, let alone look after yourself.

For many of us, trying to be “attractive” was terrifying. What if that brought unwanted, abusive attention? Or maybe because of feeling lonely, replaced and abandoned, we hoped to “get back out there” and find someone who would love us. Yet these actions only brought more feelings of unworthiness.

After abuse and growing into my New and True Self, I wanted to be attractive but in a different way. A way that reflected loving and accepting myself and was all about nourishing myself into shape rather than punishing myself.

Plus, I didn’t want to have to spend hours on my well-being, health and attractiveness. Rather I wanted quick and powerful “less is best” practices, which meant my life was simplified, leaving time for all the juicy creation stuff of Thriving in life!

I had to confront and heal my pain and limiting beliefs which used to make “honing my attractiveness” self-damaging and had led to me being objectified by others – specifically narcissists.

In the last ten-plus years, I have seen women, after abuse, make incredible transformations from the inside out, where they go from feeling completely unattractive and unlovable to gorgeous and magnetic regardless of age, weight or body shape.

They draw attention and attract high vibrational people wherever they go – reflecting the well-being that is oozing out of them!

Maybe YOU are ready to rock this too!

I’m very excited to share some powerful tips and shifts with you today to help you access true Thriver Beauty from the inside out.

 

Reversing Toxic Health and Results with Food

After abuse, we are clogged up with trauma: the trauma of the abuse, plus the abuse we do to ourselves trying to survive the abuse. Our go-tos to numb out the pain may be junk food (or no food), sugar, alcohol, pills, cigarettes, toxic people, too much phone and screen time, and so on. Not only do we not receive the nutrition and oxygen in our cells for them to function healthily, but we may also look in the mirror and see extra pounds and wrinkles or saggy skin. Our hair could be falling out. We feel depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. Perhaps we have very poor sleep quality.

Even after Thriver Recovery, you may still not have the best nutrition habits or be unsure how certain tweaks will be life-changing for you. You may have yet to experience how incredibly your body and appearance can respond when you start nourishing yourself with food in the right ways.

Did you know that the right nutrition is vital to create your New Self – the Self you are dedicated to becoming as the best possible version of you – the Self that Source / God / Creation intended you to be?

Toxicity and inflammation are the enemies. They block your spiritual, emotional and mental growth and physically inflame your brain, vital organs and nervous system. You can’t heal your way out of narcissistic abuse and spiritually progress upwards from a bad diet. It is vital to combine nutrition with inner work.

Things like sugar, processed foods and too much alcohol are bad habits and cause widespread collateral damage. Whole foods and some specific foods help so much with reducing inflammation and starting to heal the damage.

Our bodies are incredible machines that know how to repair themselves if we grant them the right fuel. Healthy bodies lose and maintain a healthy weight. Learning to source and eat healthily grants you delicious meals that truly satiate you, and nourishing your body becomes a self-love ritual that deepens your connection to yourself.

How you treat yourself with food also becomes the template for your attraction of genuine, whole others.

Your Quantum Makeover Mantra Number 1 –

“As I release toxicity from within emotionally, spiritually and physically, the Light buried in my darkness will activate. I will heal, rise and claim the nourished version of myself who is attractive in wholesome ways.”

 

 

Moving Your Body Towards Ascension

We are spirits in a human flesh suit – a body – that optimally will carry us healthily and energetically through life, even as we age. Our body is a vessel that we can be proud of.

How I moved my body with exercise after abuse, and as I aged, has become transformational and inspirational. Before Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse, I was so sick and depressed that I couldn’t face exercising, or I would try to smash myself into shape with too much unsustainable exercise. You may relate to this “all or nothing” type of behaviour.

I was obsessed with weight and tried extreme dieting or exercise to control it. Now I know how to work in a kind, enjoyable and holistic way where my body no longer fights back, and responds by flowing into a healthy shape.

Many of us, because of stress and being menopausal, have insulin resistance and too much inflammation to lose weight, no matter how hard we try to diet and exercise. Much gentler exercise, done in the right way (less is often best), creates a much easier, healthier, nurturing path to body victory. For example, I could do “exercise” in the passenger seat of Alena Star Bus whilst we travelled around Australia!

Letting go of doing gruelling cardio granted me a body, mind, and intuition connection to assist my growth and spiritual ascension and shape my body more effectively with much less effort.

Tackling the painful patterns and beliefs holding you back from exercise success helps so much with your body goals! Without your trauma, you can finally create the perfect exercise routine for YOU – so enjoyable that you will look forward to performing it. Not only that, but the physical and psychological effects of your new routine can become a virtuous circle because seeing the change in how you look and feel will encourage you to keep going.

Your Quantum Makeover Mantra Number 2 –

“As I move in ways that I love, my body will love this, and I will love my body. I will feel and look flexible, strong and trim – naturally and healthily.”

 

Adorning Yourself to Feel Confident and Attractive

A large part of “attractiveness” is presenting ourselves with hair, makeup and fashion. After being broken down by abuse, you lose a sense of yourself and may struggle to connect to expressing your appearance in the world.

Showing up authentically is all about the outside matching the inside – but what if you still need that inner standing? Without a solid sense of self, it’s hard, if not impossible, to have your own style – how to choose between clothes and cosmetics when you cannot be sure of your likes and dislikes?

Not only that, but you may have painful programmed beliefs about taking care of yourself in this way. For example, women can believe it is vain, selfish and wasteful to wear make-up, get their nails done, or follow fashion. Or maybe you have a fear of being seen whilst adorning yourself. What if this brings too much or unwanted attention? On the other hand, you may believe you are only acceptable if you are perfectly presented and living up to the beauty standard of the day.

When you unpick and unravel these beliefs, then learn how to powerfully and expertly reverse them, you will experiment and find your style so that your outside can reflect who you are on the inside.

Imagine how it will be when you can show up in Life as even more of Who You Are, in full glowing radiance! It is so powerful to follow your heart into the look that makes your soul sing!

Sharing and discussing skincare tips, beauty tricks, and hairdo know-how is also much fun. I adore it when women support and celebrate each other’s beauty!

Your Quantum Makeover Mantra Number 3 –

“As I adorn myself with my own individual look and style, my inner power and beauty will be uniquely shared with the world.”

 

Conclusion

I truly hope this article has granted you inspiration and hope and that you feel inspired to create a New You after abuse.

Now, you have the perfect opportunity to make yourself your own dedicated masterpiece, emotionally, spiritually and physically from the inside out.

My brand new upcoming 4-week course, Quantum Makeover, is called “Quantum” because it is the inner piece of the process. It grants you the self-examination, awareness and healing shifts from the inside that will enable you to activate your desire and commitment to making the changes needed to get into the “makeover” part.

Which is going to be so much fun to share with you!

This Course kicks off next week, on Tuesday, 30th May 2023!

Please don’t worry if you can’t make any of these four online classes Live, as you will receive all your program materials – recordings, healings and workbooks – to keep for life. And the Live group healings are just as effective in the replay.

Are you ready to claim your New Look along with your New Life? Let me know in the comments below – I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

 

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Commments (10) + Leave a comments

10 thoughts on “Reclaim Your Radiance and Confidence After Abuse

  1. Hi Melanie!
    I love this post of yours! ❤️

    Other than the idea of exterior adornment, everything else resonated….

    It was the confidence, inner confidence, that hit home to me.

    This morning I had to reply to a series of text messages from the narcissist… they were several text messages about property settlement, etc.

    These text messages from her are always triggering and can set me off on a spiral downward for sometimes hours and hours at a time.

    I had been trying to formulate a response to her for several days and actually had a dream about doing that last night.

    Anyway, after putting together, everything that I wanted to say to her, I was prepared as I usually am for some scolding, or some criticism or something negative from her.

    I tried to use some of the suggestions that you have made, and others have made about how to communicate with a narcissist during negotiation….

    I explained to her that I am no longer going to respond to text messages and that if she wants to discuss anything with me, she can either call or come over and see me.

    (For the most part, I find text messaging to be kind of cold and unemotional in contradistinction to the value of human to human communication.)

    For some reason or another the idea of doing all of this via text message has left me really uncomfortable and I made that point.

    Of course I got some blame because she said that I usually don’t want to talk to her on the phone but, whatever, I took that comment with a grain of salt.

    Through all of this long lasting nightmare NARP has consistently given me the option of taking the “high road” and I did….

    I can’t describe what transpired in me after these efforts of mine, but I was left with a powerful inner confidence that I usually don’t have….

    I don’t know which module may have helped me with the situation, or if it was a combination of all of them but, I was helped and I am so grateful to have had the foundation of NARP in this situation.

    I don’t know how much sense all of this makes….as I’m making the effort to share this with you I hope it does!

    Anyway, thanks for everything, and BTW, it felt really good to be confident!
    Thank you, Melanie!
    Much love!💞
    ❤️🦋❤️

    1. Hi Peter,

      that is fantastic that you had that inner solidness and calm!

      Being “triggerless” is vital when having to deal against narcissistic tactics, and it is all of NARP that helps that so much http://www.melanietoniaevans.com – also the NARP goal setting Module of “I am free of the internal triggers that once derailed me” is SOOOO powerful!”

      (I’m using this now in a situation in my life!)

      Much Love

      Mel 🙏💞🦋

      1. Dear Melanie!
        Thank you so much, Melanie, for your continuing support, to me and so many others, as we all go through our journeys here on this earth!
        It’s quite an experience, isn’t it?
        Thank you for sharing your wisdom and guidance (NARP) and doing so much to help us find our WAY! 🌟
        Much love! 💞
        ❤️🦋❤️

  2. My sister I think has the house wired for sound maybe even the phone bugged so she is listening to my calls. I feel like I am in prison of Cathy’s and Paul’s hell

  3. Yes! I would love to sign up for quantum makeover and I promise myself after typing this message I shall. It is a present for myself as all of Mel’s courses are. After 30 years in a narcissistic marriage I gained a huge amount of weight (comfort eating). Using NARP helped the weight to drop off nice and slowly without effort along with exercising. Next step a new wardrobe is needed 🤣 as most of my clothes almost fall off my body! As a teenager I loved makeup and hair care, yet during my marriage I felt – not allowed to take care of myself as it is selfish to do so 🧐 must focus on him and the children only! So happy those days are over. ❤️

  4. Sounds like fun. I started to dress as my authentic self once again this year! With the fabrics, textures and colours I love! I have some sensory issues with ASD so I decided to honour my unique needs and to not put pressure on myself to wear fabrics which make me feel overstimulated or anxious (a win for a trauma survivor as well as a nureo diverse person who has had a lot of internalised albeism).

    I would love to learn more about makeup, particularly organic options… recently I achieved my goal of eating three meals a day as I kept forgetting to eat! Now I am setting my focus to a low inflammation – 3 meals a day while also allowing my body to ENJOY the food I eat and enjoy the benefits from the changes.

    I also used to love and admire and compliment people’s style and authentic expression… I met a man today with amazing hair and he looked very much himself, happy and accepting… so it is fun that I am starting to notice authentic people once again through my own journey through my love of personal/ individual style.

  5. I forgot to mention that one of the salons I love in this country was set up for the benefit of trauma survivors – to help to build confidence in themselves again!

  6. Unfortunately, the two narcissist in my life, one has tried to flip the script playing the victim etc, and the other when I didn’t respond to texts started wondering if she’d made me angry and apologetic in the texts. When I countered with a text off the subject she sent me a pic of her new car and started down the path of her wealth over mine. I told her I had to go and to enjoy. The one who plays the victim I acquired an app blocker that blocks fb, instagram and Pinterest because she posts things being married to our son and having cut him out of our lives completely, makes it about herself and her family. If we try and make contact she complains about any and everything and is a one upper, tit for tat. We haven’t seen our son since 2016.
    Regardless of this, we have moved on. When it comes to adorning myself I indulge in doing home facials, there’s nothing like rubbing organic coconut oil and soaking in a bath with lavender essential oils. I also do the coconut oil on the ends of my hair before shampooing and after the bath use coconut oil on my elbows and other rough areas like heels etc. Have you all tried “growing young Gracefully?” Look it up! The oils she blends for face and body smell heavenly. And she also does yoga for those who have suffered loss. I once asked her about a beauty routine for older women and the advice she gave was so simple I stick to it today! Organic coconut oil, sunscreen, a little flush of color on cheeks and lips, and eyeliner or mascara. I’ve reverted from perfumes to essential oils making body sprays. After this, who cares what the narcissist is up to haha!

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