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I have been receiving a lot of requests to write more articles on Law of Attraction and manifestation.

So over the next two weeks I will be doing a two-part series on how to release fear that is holding you back, and how to grow and manifest anything that your heart desires.

In Part One I am going to share a principle that you can adopt right now that will be a total game changer for you.

As humans we always seem to have a tendency to overcomplicate things…

The best part about this principle is that it is SO SIMPLE, yet if adopted has the ability to completely transform your life…

From going around in circles repeating the same painful cycles, to forming a new empowered way of being that propels you straight forward to achieving your goals.

We know that to progress in our life we need to overcome fear.

This could be in relation to starting a new business, a new love relationship or simply deciding to start socialising and getting out into life and having more fun.

Some people may be naturally cautious or even fearful. Others may have experienced abuse as a child, or in love relationships and consequently suffer the associated traumatic symptoms such as CTSD, PTSD or agoraphobia.

Certainly individuals who have suffered narcissistic abuse often have deep and intense cellular trauma, which understandably makes them feel like contracting and hiding rather than expanding.

The truth is this… emotional embedded fear can be crippling, and it can seem like a daunting challenge to open one’s heart and be an effective creator when fear and pain prevails.

Our subconscious mind’s job (which communicates to us through emotional sensation) is to keep us safe from danger. The problem is, however, when the fear and pain of ‘danger’ has been overstimulated – our emotions may interpret anything new as risky.

Our emotions become like a virus program set on maximum security alert assessing anything ‘incoming’ as a potential high risk threat.

When we are living with embedded fear and pain we are caught in the trap of uncomfortable comfortable zones. We are dying on the inside because we are not growing – yet we are too terrified to do anything new to create our new life and growth.

This is a place of deep depression, and the extreme pinching off of the flow of life and wellbeing.

 

How Do We Know What Is Safe?

It would be wonderful if everyone and everything that we felt potentially terrified of could somehow qualify itself to us in a way which appeased our fear.

The problem is if we are closed off, shut down and fearful, our vibration does not accommodate this. We are not an energetic match for growth, possibilities and the open space for new and wondrous events and people to enter our life.

In fact Law of Attraction has been rearranging life to match us up with the events, people and situations which are a match for our vibrational offering as it stands. Therefore the ‘opportunities’ which have presented (if any do) are much more likely to grant us ‘more of’ the deep fears, constriction and pain we already feel.

The truth is this: In order to create anything new in our life we need to be open-hearted, we need to feel positive, and we need to be able to open up to the new possibilities and the joy of manifesting a new healthy expansion of our life.

I promise I hear you – I have known what it is like to have agoraphobia totally and feel incredibly unsafe in life. I personally understand just how crippling it feels to feel SO constricted that the very thought of opening up to anything new feels like you will be annihilated.

I went through an incredibly long, painful and slow journey to open up to life after my first narcissistic abuse experience. It took me a long time (over three years). After my second one it was much easier and I was able to break through much more easily – because I knew what I needed to do – and in fact received even greater insight (inner-sight).

This I understand very deeply…

We nearly always want something outside of us to help us feel better so that we can START to open up and expand.

But this is the deal….

You have to find the way to feel better and open up to YOURSELF FIRST and THEN you will be able to open up to life.

 

The Need To Move Past ‘Protection’

When dealing with pain and fear there is a time span where you need to stay locked down in order to emotionally survive. This ‘cocooning’ is needed to grieve, to feel safe and to start to heal. In fact it is a very healthy choice, and far more preferable than seeking addictions in order to try and avoid the pain.

But it is important to know that it isn’t healthy to stay in this ‘lock down’ position indefinitely.

This is where it is important to become a healthy partner to yourself – so that you can listen to and know yourself intimately. Time alone is definitely needed to work on yourself and heal your inner wounds, but staying protected and hiding from the world because of intense fear is taking it too far.

This may be your necessary position when you first start recovering, but your inner work needs to gradually, and then more and more create balance with ‘life’ as well.

If you prolong your cocooning period, your energy and life force will start shutting down. If the shutting down and pulling away from life has not included working on yourself then you will just stay stuck in the crippling peptide addiction of regurgitated emotional pain.

If you are doing inner work on yourself, you still need to co-create your expansion with life in order to stay happy and healthy. The inner work is so you can expand and co-create with life healthily much faster and more effectively than if you didn’t do it.

It also means that you won’t have to keep living out the repeated results of your unhealed wounds again, and end up AGAIN back at square one.

If you are not opening up into life to receive and create new things, then there are only three places (all ineffectual) that your energy can be focused on…

  • the pain of ‘what is’,
  • the ‘horror’ of the past, and
  • the fear of ‘failing again’ in the future

Law of Attraction is a very simple principle responsible for everything in your life – and this simple principle allows us to clearly understand this:  You cannot create anything new when your attention and energy is vibrating on ‘what you don’t want’.

This means – It is impossible to be UNHAPPY with your life now, feeling pain and fear and expect it to get better.

It simply can’t!

Anything or anyone you acquire from this emotional offering is only going to bring you (yes you guessed it) more unhappiness.

 

Inner and Outer Expansion

If you feel severely contracted and fearful of ‘life’ it may feel extremely difficult to get your focus away from emotional pain, fear, trauma and associated depression and helplessness. If you have been narcissistically abused all of these feelings are ‘normal’ side effects.

So how do we overcome the pain and fear, and the urges to contract and protect ourself so that we CAN open up into life?

And…

…how do we become an energetic match for the experiences that we want to have – when opening ourselves up previously caused so much pain and fear?

We need to understand that if we stay in fear and pain and try to get out there in life – it is likely we are going to BUMP into exactly the things that we fear.

To stay with the same formula (pain and fear) and expect different results truly is the definition of ‘insanity’.

I prefer to call it unconscious living.

What is the inner pain telling us? I believe it is telling us so much more than just – this is the result of what happened in the past.

I believe our inner selves are ALSO telling us “Don’t go out in life like that. WARNING! WARNING! Your vibration is wrong!”

I believe this is one of the major reasons we have fear. It is warning us. It’s how our emotions would feel before walking into a lion’s cage.

 

How Focusing On What We Don’t Want Keeps Us Stuck

We need to firmly embrace that life is not random and that we are not powerless creatures at the whim of life.

When we understand that we can be powerful conscious creators instead of powerless unintentional creators, we know we can purposely change ourselves vibrationally in order to change the results in our life.

Nothing in our life has happened ‘to us’. All of it has been called forth from some inner part of ourself as a vibrational match.

I want you to think about this. When we are vulnerable in life, which means when we feel fear, pain or doubt on any particular topic, we are a match for people and situations of the same vibration.

All abusers are vulnerable. They are people full of fear, pain and doubt – that’s why they lash out and damage other people. Likewise inconsistent and disappointing vocations, friendships, pastimes and even accidents and ill-health are all matches for fear, pain and doubt.

I hope you can understand now how it is not just preferable to clean up your vibration in order to expand into life effectively – it is essential.

This following sentence is the number one reason why people vibrationally keep matching up with what they don’t want.

Thinking that saying “NO” to something keeps it away.

I want you to really think about this…

When we realise there is something that is Not Our Reality – then we need to HEAL the pain of that enough so that we can STOP focusing on it.

Let’s say you have realised you don’t want pathological lying, abuse, non-accountability, malicious vengeance and adultery (sounds like narcissistic abuse yes?) in your life.

Let’s face it who would?

Ideally, now, because you know you DON’T want these things, you need to clear them right out of your vibration completely and get your vibration set and flowing on what you DO want which is: integrity, support, emotional authenticity (accountability), reverence and genuine love and loyalty.

I want you to read back through those two lists of ‘what you DON’T want’ and ‘what you DO want’.

I want you to take very close notice of how these lists emotionally FEEL for you.

The first one – understandably feels vile.

The second one (especially when you have healed enough to really feel it) feels glorious.

The first list is NOT the truth of what your Soul intended you to live – hence why it feels so vile.

The second list IS the truth of what your Soul intended you to live – hence why it feels so glorious.

Can you understand this – and how powerfully your Soul truth speaks to you as per your emotions?

What is REAL for you feels great.

What is FALSE for you feels terrible.

You entire life is being orchestrated from deep within you. It is all coming from your subconscious programming which communicates to you directly via your emotions. Your emotional state on any topic in your life is exactly the results you are going to procure in your life on that topic – period – because that is EXACTLY what your subconscious programming is set at.

We can’t fake it, because it doesn’t matter what you try to tell yourself through your mind, and who you try to pretend to be in life. If you make out you are a confident person who has no emotional baggage, yet your inner being is screaming with fear, pain, suspicion and old traumas – those ‘things’ are exactly what will continue to appear and unfold in your life.

This could be the last business you lost a lot of money on and still carry the fear and scars. This could be the trauma of your previous partner who cheated on you and betrayed you. This could be the abandonment of your father which occurred 30 years ago and every man has left you ever since.  And of course the list may go on and on…

Now this is a big KEY…

Even though your emotions on every topic let you know what your subconscious programming currently is, you DO have the power NOW to purposefully change your emotional state (by doing inner work) to change the results of your entire life.

You see – when your inner story changes your outer story will follow.

Once you change your inner story you will feel completely different about expanding toward any topic that you previously felt fearful about. It will feel possible, and even exciting, and it will not hold the pain and fear that it did previously. Then (and only then) will life reflect back to you the different results.

 

The Shift From Saying “No” To “Yes” To Life

To reiterate…

If your focus is stuck on saying “NO” to life – which means your emotions, thoughts and focus are on what you don’t want, you are going to feel terrified, angry, resentful, hurt and contracted about trying to make what you want happen.

It won’t feel possible, and the thought of trying to make it happen may even feel traumatic.

Is it any wonder you can’t expand and want to stay within your four walls, numb on medication or even underneath your bed sheets?

The only and real answer is you have to shift…

This shift means being able to feel, think and focus into and onto the energy of what you do want instead.

That is IT – that is your ENTIRE mission.

Why I say it is your entire mission, is because everything from that space becomes easy.

These are the results of vibrating at ‘what you do want’.

  • What and who you start attracting is a match for ‘what you want’.
  • Your inspiration and energy flows into the action of creating ‘what you want’.
  • You receive ‘clues’, inspirations and sign posts from life leading you forward into your creation, and it feels natural and joyous for you.

Can you feel this…please do – because I am not kidding when I say the following…

Trying to expand into life and trying to create anything new when your vibration is set at what you don’t want is NOT effective. More than this it is disappointing and it wastes an enormous amount of your life in repeat painful cycles.

If you don’t go within – you are going to go without.

You cannot attract new abundance when you are smarting over financial disaster.

You cannot attract people with integrity when you are caught in the agony of being pathologically lied to.

You cannot manifest supportive, loving people when you resent the lack of loyalty and betrayals you received in your past.

You cannot co-create genuine love when you are torn apart because you received the agony of a love that wasn’t real.

How do things ‘become’ in your life?

You ‘be’ it and then it ‘comes’.

Being it means vibrating at the same energy frequency of it – pure and simple.

When you be-come the thoughts, feelings and behaviours of ‘what you want’ – then you are saying “YES” to life.

Please know I realise how powerless you may feel to shift from this painful focus into the focus of ‘what you want’, and in Part Two I will grant you more information to help you with this.

Because it is TOTALLY doable – I promise you!

Please let me know what you thought of this article and if you would like to hear more about Law of Attraction and Universal Law in the comments below.

 

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51 thoughts on “How To Overcome Fear And Manifest Your Dreams

  1. Hi Mel, this is timely as I have been working on Qanta Freedom Empowered Self and I have had a few breakdowns leading to breakthroughs as you say and it is clear only I can shift my emotional vibration. It is true and we have to do the work. Every time I slip back into a negative or powerless vibration, bam, things go down hill. Luckily I know what to do and once I have got it together I just work on what can be done and change my energy and things improve. This article was timely as I have had a challenging morning and I can understand how it has all come to be. More work to be done! XXJane

    1. Hi Jane,

      This is wonderful that you have been clearing. At the moment there is enormous energy shifts going on (globally) and many people experiencing breakdowns / breakthroughs…

      I am seeing it more than ever.

      I believe that in this increase of consciousness (light) the ‘shadows’ are showing up more evidently – which is the fear, pain, and resistance of the ego.

      For those in resistance unhealed parts are rattling more (and sometimes quite painfully) in order for these parts to be released into True Self functions.

      It is really important to not resist the negative emotions so that they can be embraced and released…if not then they just keep rattling.

      The great part about ‘this time’ is that if these parts (painful emotions) are embraced and released then the breakthroughs on the transformational side are breathtakingly beautiful…More so than ever.

      Keep up the great work 🙂

      Mel xo

    2. I’ve been in a vicious cycle MY WHOLE LIFE…not being “the finger pointer”…but “the fixer”…FOR EVERYONE…but…MYSELF. Sigh. This last relationship wasn’t “the first” with a N. Just the first…”I opened my eyes to”…and literally hit rock bottom. Thanks to a Women’s Challenge class I participated in recently-only then did I come to the realization that MOST of the people in my life (family/friends) were TOXIC. This last relationship was sooo toxic-it literally made me almost “check-in” somewhere. Even after this “realization”-I don’t finger-point. This. Is about. Me. I HAVE accepted, allowed and tolerated this abuse. By “helping others” I put off MY OWN issues, needs, fears, pain. I ATTRACT THE SAME. Sigh. Seriously, what a load off my back! I always thought I “just” had abandonment/trust issues (parents married four times each, Mother left at age 15 out of state, married a man and didn’t tell me). I am carrying LOTS OF pain, fear and baggage. This article hits straight to my heart and soul…”what you don’t want” vs. “what you do want”. I used to think and believe the latter. I just feel soooo bogged down with “this cycle” I’m in…I now unconsciously feel the first. Sigh. (These are all GOOD “sighs btw). THANK-YOU soooo much for writing this!!! It’s as if you are speaking to…my inner-self that is SCREAMING to be my outer-self…and is trapped. By…ME. Nobody else. ME. <3

  2. I am stuck-no longer feeling the intense pain in the gut from the ex N……that part is gone. The part that is still here is……I dont go anywhere or do anything……not so much I believe out of fear…..but out of “I dont want to be a part of the world out there”. Being home, being safe feels good. When I did venture out “there”, I attracted nothing but the same kind of man I married….Dont want that anymore,….I dont know how to change it….am looking forward to some more articles from you….thanks so much!

    1. Hi Teri,

      that is wonderful that you have got to this stage…and now it is simply ‘the journey continues’. It is very normal to still be in agarophobic stage of ‘not trusting life’.

      You have seen by the attraction of certain people that your inner belief systems are still a match for what you fear and that is why you ‘don’t want to go out’ …it doesn’t feel safe yet.

      When you do more work on these inner belief systems and change them to opening up to life supports you and loves you (and you can vibrate at that deep within your being), and know that you can be in emotional authenticity and trust, back and look after yourself that will shift.

      That is what the inner work is all about.

      Mel xo

  3. Hi
    I enjoyed reading your article. I can feel your passion and your genuine desire to reach out and connect with others and to be of service.

    There is one area I am unsure about. Its not that i disagree outright, I’m just simply mulling it over and seeing how it fits for me and my psychotheraputic training.
    As a trainee gestalt therapist my studies encourage us to be and feel what is there. This is called The paradoxical theory of change. Only by allowing ourselves to feel and experience what is actually there does change occur. So according to this theory it does not occur by willing it to be different or by being positive or by only focusing on positive change. This is considered to be forcing the flow away from where one actually is. Therefore as a Gestalt psychotherpist I would encourage my clients (and myself) to get in touch with my actual experience (whatever it is) rather than focus on some other reality that i want. So if i feel pain…feel it, go into it explore it. If i am afraid, feel the fear, sit in it, whats it like, what is it needing? This can be done with a whole range of emotions and sensations.Only by being with the emotions can change spontaneously occur…rather than forcing our emotions to be different. In this sense emotions are not judged positive or negative, they just ARE. they need to be acknowledged, and expressed.
    So its is a bit different to what you are saying.
    I would welcome your feedback. Perhaps there are similarities in our approaches that I ma unaware of.
    Warmly

    Monika

    1. Hi Monika,

      please know your thoughts are welcomed here – and it grants wonderful questions for the community.

      Absolutely – this is 100% about feeling and knowing ‘what is there’…in fact ignorning it, self-avoiding it, or trying to burn off the anxiety of it through an addiction is So not the answer.

      And new manifestation without claiming the old emotion is simply very rarely possible..

      That we are in total agreeance on!

      This is where the deeper cellular tools create profound change at a subconscious level.

      Tools such as QFH grant the ability to claim, feel and totally recognise the pain (as well as the limiting associated beliefs causing the pain) and then ‘shift’ it up and out of the cellular memory.

      After that occurs it is replaced with the Source Energy (The Divine Plan) on that topic that our higher self / Source /Inner Being REALLY is in regard to what previously was an unhealed part.

      That is why profound change can happen virtually (and often) instantly…

      It is a more direct path than taking the longer cognitive way around – or simply processing by feeling the emotion…it takes it direct to the core of what and why this emotion is there.

      I have said many times…there is no ability to park a Ferrari in your garage when the path is blocked with a rusty old wreck…

      This is why I don’t like manifestation ideas such as ‘The Secret’ which is simply about ignore the pain – and focus on ‘what you want…If that could be done – then great – but in most cases it can’t.

      The pain is usually pounding away far too strongly – and the existing subconscious beleif systems (which play out to the letter) are in total opposition to the ‘new idea’ that the logical mind is trying to introduce.

      That’s why the unhealed emotional wounds need to be shifted out to create the space for the good stuff – and hence why this is the BIGGEST mission to achieve…

      QFH is a system of emotional cellular transformation – it works deeply on the subconscious emotional ‘body’.

      You can also look at the testimonies on NARP as well as many blog posts from NARP members throughout my articles to ‘see’ the results this creates powerfully and often very quickly.

      I hope this explains…Please feel free to ask any more questions if you would like to!

      Mel xo

  4. Hi Melanie. Gosh I really get what your saying. After realising what I had let my true self write in last blog, I felt that I knew where it had all began from. I cried with joy, as this was such a truth, and a release, to know it wasn’t about me, but what had been projected onto me. I still need to go more deeply into that emotion, and today at work, I could tell some-one about this. I feel that I’m starting to really feel that I don’t have to carry those many masks. I am very aware that I need to heal myself, before I can trust myself, and others. I too, have stayed inside my home, scared to venture out, as attack may be just around the corner of house. I can now see, it was my own-self, creating this with how abuse effects the mind. Tonight I have nice aromas filling my home, the fear has gone! My tummy holds no fear, and the anxiety is not there! I know everything I’ve asked about, and questioned, with the help of deep meditations, and Quanta Freedom Healings, has been answered that I couldn’t make sense of, all my life. I can feel the beginnings of excitement within my being, and can’t wait to become me. I know it will not happen over-night, but the work involved is going to be the work of loving and accepting myself. Melanie, your at my ‘Angel’ that is guiding me. Thank-you.

    1. Hi Gayle,

      This is gorgeous that you had such a big shift of ‘ah-ha’…it is so divine when those happen – they eliminate all the clutter in the mind and grant direct answers that we just ‘know’..

      This is the Infinite Inner Intellegence we all have within us which is leading us to wellbeing and freedom (so different from the egoic mind!)

      It is wonderful that you realise – it is your ONLY mission to heal yourself within – because you are 100% correct – there is no ability to connect with others in trust, and love and harmony until you have established that connection between you and you…because EVERYTHING in your experience comes from your vibrational relationship with yourself – period!

      The vibrational relationship being how far away is my personality from my true Inner Being (the Source part of myself)…the further the more fear and pain – the closer the more genuine inner connectedness, love and peace.

      I can feel and see you beautiful aromas filling your home and your being, nurturing you – you are on the right track!

      Isn’t it beautiful when you know ‘I can’t wait to be me!’….YES! From ‘there’ everything you desire and wish to expand into is not only possible it is inevitable – but no longer will ‘any of that’ be a ‘need’ to grant you yourself – you will already be the fullness of ‘you’ and will thus be connected to life loving, supporting you and filling you abundantly.

      That is the life our Soul was always calling us toward!I am so thrilled for you that you are on your way.

      Mel xo

  5. Hi Mel, Once again, your article really struck a cord. I have started doing the Quanta Freedom Empowered Self and could not believe what came up. There is so much ‘stuff’ sitting there that I had no idea I was hanging onto and when doing a shift, I sob and it feels so freeing. My ex N hated it if I cried (usually when I felt so desperately confused and frustrated by his behaviour) and he would accuse me of looking for attention and would then go into a rage and make it all about him which made me even more confused. So, I stopped crying in front of him and if I needed to open the floodgates out of pure frustration, I’d go to the bathroom and quietly cry.

    The Quanta Freedom is absolutely amazing and freeing and I know there is still a lot of shifting and work to do but I also know that I am now on the road to recovery and it is exciting. I also found it interesting that when I first read the e-books, I highlighted all the things the N did, almost as if I needed confirmation that I was actually narcissistically abused when there is no doubt that I was. Now, I am reading the books again and found myself highlighting all the positive aspects and the things I need to do to heal ME. No more concentrating on the negative.

    I too have been ‘hibernating’ for the past 10 months and just yesterday, a thought popped into my mind (out of the blue) that I should join a ‘walking club’. Reading your article confirmed that I am ready to face the world again and stop hibernating and your article has pointed me in the right direction of what needs to be done. Instead of harping on what I don’t want, I am now going to list what I do want – I get it – the law of attraction . . .
    Thank you Mel for your inspiration, and I look forward to your next article, as always.

    1. Hi Caz,

      It is astounding when we take the time to go within…it is incredible what we find.

      Because I have had so many people write to me and tell me about the incredible findings they are discovering with the new QFH Course I started it myself a few days ago too…I didn’t want to miss out on all this good stuff!

      Even though I do work on myself nearly every day – I wanted to see what would come up for me as a result of using the formula for the Course – and I have had two massive key ah-ha’s in Module 1 alone, that once I shifted them with QFH the breakthroughs have been dazzling – to say the very least.

      This is wonderful that you now have given yourself TOTAL permission to love and accept yourself unconditionally – which means being present to love yourself when in full vulnerability – this is SO powerful because this is where the most powerful shifts and transformations take place with QFH – being totally loving with ourself in a space of pure ‘realness’.

      Because you have granted this essential life gift to yourself, you can know that people who do come into your life are going to powerfully reflect this unconditional love and acceptance for yourself – and truly your vibration will not align with or accept anything less than emotional authenticity.

      I am so pleased that you are discovering the power of QFH in the Program and you are excited about becoming your True Self…and it is fantastic that you are at this stage of your journey – after cleaning out enough of the pain of the abuse to focus exclusively on you.

      That thought that popped in is beautiful confirmation of your expansion and that it’s time to break free from your cocoon.

      Now that you understand the QFH process clearly – you can set your goals of ‘what you want’ and then feel into all of the pain, fear, resistance, limiting subconscious beliefs etc…which are preventing you from flowing forward into those goals, and claim, clear, release and transform those blocks – and then your energy will flow into and be-come those goals…

      When this happens it is joyous indeed.

      Mel xo

  6. HI Mel
    What an insightful and touching article. I can relate so much to it. I have been doing a lot of inner work the last few years from this shy, lack of self belief and an inner child feeling abandoned, not listened, not feeling loved and connected I emerged as a person who now listens to that little girl to what she wants to what her desires are what she wants to really do with her life. It feels at the moment that I am again a little girl starting life all over again but building it the way I want. It is a process as I am taking a lot of risks, I left my country, my job, my marriage and again studying and currently planning to set up my own practice and it is all exciting when I think about what I want. However, as you indicated it is all a process and at the moment big subconscious fears and pains of that little girl are coming out and maybe even anger as towards my family who did not understand and connect with that little girl needs. In fact in the last month I fell out twice with 2 close family members one of them being the brother who I live with and obviously they cant understand me and actually they say i am wrong and too sensitive which brings big time once again the lonely feeling and disconnected feeling of that little girl. The good news I have the tools to work with and the messages that i keep receiving is that I am being supported to achieve my dreams, I work a lot with NLP and EFT modalities which are great work for releasing limiting beliefs and suppressed emotions. however today i noticed something because I really want to give that little girl what she wants and listen to her needs I tend to get impatient and follow what I want so passionately that it could actually hurt me and drain me down in the process as I do not want to waste time and let child suffer and not enjoy life.
    I really found your article fascinating and is good food for thought. Thank you so much

    1. Hi Catherine,

      I am glad you enjoyed the article.

      I love people connecting to their child within, and really ‘starting again’…Because this is the opportunity to create life authentically.

      It is inevitable when on the journey of ‘new’ that subconscious Porgams and events emerge to let us know how our inner programming may not be a match for the new directions (yet)…that is what ‘growth’ is 100% all about.

      …the attending to those inner programs to transform them as ‘a match’.

      That is great that you have inner subsconscious tools to shift – because this is where the real work does get done directly…at that level.

      You may wish to check on what the ‘urgency’ Progams are about – so that you can connect to the Oneness and Beingness.This will make it easier to honour your inner child’s needs.

      The irony about ‘survival’ and ‘urgency’ is that is diconnects us from the incredible ability to ‘align’ with the abundance of life – support, direction, synchroniscities, connections etc.. that actually speed up the path – if we can ‘be’, relax in to it, and become a whole and co-operative part (knowing) within that connection…

      You are very welcome, and thank you for your post.

      Mel xo

  7. dearest mel, every article you write resonates with me…..your timing and subject matter coincide with what i am facing in my life…i don’t believe in coincidence,,,,i don’t understand how it happens ….but i am so grateful ……i have had n/c for 15 months… after 40 years of marriage doing your work, concentrating on healing and ‘laying low’ working and devoting my energy to your work….i was feeling ‘safe’ for the first time, maybe in my life…..a person comes into my life who i have known and liked for 40 years…i am now ‘unglued’ …..why? because he is so sweet, understanding and i feel alive and expressive with him and it feels so life affirming……oh, he is married, so not available….he came into my life now, why?????? to heal an unhealed wound….i am confused and feel a lot of pain…..the pain of being appreciated by a kind attractive human…..is the bottom line, he is in my life because i need to still go deeper, when i believed that i couldn’t go any deeper….he makes me feel so happy, but i know it is futile…….help…..you should continue to be blessed mel, i so appreciate your help and guidance along this journey….

    1. Hi Lauren,

      It is really amazing how many people do report the synchroniscity of articles – and it totally confirms to me the connectedness of life, and how at Soul level when we vibrate at authenticity how that attracts authentic results.

      Okay – Lauren so what is happening in your ‘ungluing’ is that this person has gloriously entered your life (as a healing angel) to show you the parts of yourself that are still unhealed..

      And unless he (or someone like him) entered your life you would not have known.

      You see your Soul is on a mission of ‘LOVE’ – all of our Souls are. This mission of love starts between you and yourself…to truly be your full and glowing Source of love to yourself, so that you are ‘whole’.

      Then that Love expands outwards to conjoin healthily with others who are avaliable to be a whole source of love to conjoin with your established levels of genuine love and self-acceptance.

      The statement ‘he makes me so happy’…and ‘I can’t go deeper’…mean this….You are still not that whole Source to yourself – you are still looking outwards for ‘love’…

      Now this is the deal – when we look ‘outwards’ what is going to show up is NEVER going to be the real deal – it can’t be – because we have not become the real deal to ourself.

      The part of you that thinks ‘I can’t go deeper’ is the scared co-dependent part that thinks and feels ‘someone has to do this for me – someone has to grant this love for me’..and it is literally in great RESISTANCE – saying “NO! I don’t want to have to do it!”

      The pain you are feeling is THE POWERFUL SIGNAL that your personality choices, directions and focus are not aligned with your Inner Being truth on this topic.

      Hence the feeling of being ‘unglued’….that is a great expression – you know it feels like ‘I am disconnected from my own power and self’.

      And please know your Inner Being truth is always abundantly filled with calling you toward the most incredible experiences of LOVE you could ever imagine.

      Your ego (personality) is NOT this experience…

      So I think you know what I am going to say…and I hope my post has allowed you to realise your choices…

      1) Avoid this part of yourself, hold yourself separate from yourself and keep living out painful and unfulfilling love experiences, or

      2) Grab this opportunity with both hands, TOTALLY RECOGNISING what life and your Soul have co-created in order to show you what you need to heal – and commit to the work.

      What choice do you have if you want to live your Inner Being truth?

      Mel xo

  8. I have followed your blogs for over 12 months when I was told I was dealing with a narcissist. He cheated, the confusion, the lies, the lack of empathy, he even told me he was a monster, worst of all was the verbal abuse and the things he literally stole from me. 3 weeks ago I left, after 1 week he nearly so very nearly sucked me back in and because I wasn’t in close proximity to him I could see the situation for what it really was.
    I made a clear decision in my mind to walk away, sometimes I feel sad but mostly a sense of relief. Although I can get lonely on my own, I treasure my two children and remind myself no matter what happens in life I’m so lucky to have my kids and my life.
    Your emails always come through at the exact moment in time when I need to reiterate and reaffirm what it was and how I’m better off alone.
    Interestingly I feel within myself i need to be alone with myself and I know in time I will heal. I enjoy life, I’m not a crippled mess because of the ending if this encounter, I think we are programmed to shut off emotionally towards the end of these relationships when we start to listen to our inner self and grant our inner self more power we know within ourselves we must leave and it’s a matter of life or death.
    When the fog lifts, you see it for what it is, it hurts, but staying or dying inside would hurt more.
    I have a lot to look forward to but my biggest challenge is learning to open myself up, the thought of opening myself up scares me, right now I know I couldn’t do it.
    I need more of a clear insight how to do the inner work I need to?

    1. Hi Victoria,

      Thank you for your post…

      I always say this to people that there is a very big difference in just ‘managing’ the pain which comes from boosts of information and cognitive ‘ideas’ and ‘words’ – and doing the deep inner work on our Inner Selves which provides so much more than just ‘management’ and ‘support’…it provides shifts and transformations where there is no longer the pain / negative beliefs/ unhealed parts to manage and support.

      When you heal ‘on the inside’ you will be able to open up, and that is key.

      The 100% point blank way to do the inner work for narcissistic abuse is NARP (The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Porgam) that’s what I created it for – to get that inner work done.

      Mel xo

  9. Being a person who is somewhat stuck by reliving past events, this is a very powerful insight that you have shared. Negative emotional baggage I’ve carried around for so long has taken it’s toll for sure, mainly by manifesting as fear. On the flip-side though, I’ve recognized the need to release the negativity by just acknowledging it, letting it say what it wants to say, then releasing it. In short, learning the lesson from it and moving on to the next chapter. I’ve seen how fear tends to tell lies, trying to convince me of something that isn’t real. That’s how it survives.
    So my next chapter is to envision who I want to be say 6 months from now and to not let fear prevent me from reaching that desire. That involves clearing the mind, dropping some limiting beliefs (lies told by fear) and recreating myself. I believe the act of manifesting plays a significant role in that process. If fear can do it, so can I!! 🙂

    1. Hi Tom,

      Absolutely it is so important to claim and acknowledge the negativity with the entire goal being so it can be released…

      It is so true that if it is ignored the results are never positive…because it does not matter what the ‘mind’ is trying to forge forward and create the inner emotional ‘stuff’ will keep playing out and have it’s way – over and over again.

      That is so true Tom – fantastic point – that fear makes up ‘stories’. If we ignore inner fear – rather than going within and taking emotional responsibility for it – our mind grabs hold of it look ‘outside’ and projects it onto people and situations.

      Hence starts the victim, blame game with no personal empowerment and no personal and spiritual (inner) growth…

      Truly the definition of a disappointing and powerless life.

      Yes fear manifests powerfully – but when we are no longer fearful of our fear, and go to it to transform it then it has no power over us…and it stops presenting to us from the ‘outside’ to show us what is really going on on the ‘inside’.

      Thank you for your post 🙂

      Mel xo

    1. Hi Harry,

      so gorgeous to see you on the blog!

      Thank you for your post – and I miss you and our incredible philosophical discussions in person…

      Very, very soon my amazing friend!

      Mel xo

  10. Yes, a very long way to go…After being involved with a narc for two years I have become a worse person. He told me what I wanted to hear them dumped me for a better option. My response was to tell many people what had happened with the result that the OW heard about it and became angry at him. I think there were other problems happening anyway and she told him she did not want to be with him. Even though I felt fleeting satisfaction I am still unhappy. I wanted him to suffer as I have had but he does not care and told me his life was none of my business. Some of the things he said have made me so bitter and twisted and I carry this weight with me every day. People can see it in my face – they can see I am not happy and it bothers them but I cannot talk about it as I am working on my own in another country. Where I am it is strange for a woman to be on her own so I am always being asked about my husband etc – I can answer this with effort and a smile but it brings back the sadness and the anger as I did not plan to be on my own. I am just doing what I can to get through each day which is not nearly enough. I cannot think ahead for one week, let alone 6 months.

    1. Hi Katherine,

      Yes fleeting satisfaction is a product of the ego – and the ego by its very definition does NOT feel true inner peace, hence why it needs another hit over and over again to try to feel ‘better’.

      Zero information ‘from the outside’ grants true inner peace – and can ONLY ever be ‘egoic’…

      What you need is to focus on and heal your unhealed parts that led you to this painful experience and then you will find peace…

      If you want to truly heal and evolve through this NARP grants you that pathway…

      And you have absolute NO risk in trying this pathway – you can trial and it is fully guaranteed pending your results.

      You are being called ‘inward’ to you…that’s what is happened to you – because the focus outward and not coming home to yourself is agonising.

      There is a higher purpose…Somewhere something inside you knows that – and that is the part of you that you need to listen to and align with.

      Mel xo

  11. Hi Mel,

    This article was extremely helpful. Every article you have written that I have read has helped me recover from the abusive relationship I have finally managed to start letting go of. It wouldn’t have been as easily done without your help. Thank you so much. I still have plenty of work to do but I feel more hopeful than ever. I know what I want, the tricky part is to not fall back in to the rut of focusing on what that person did to me and wishing there was some resolution to it. This article came to me just at the right time. I appreciate it and I’m looking forward to what the future holds because I know it will be great. Thank you!

    1. Hi Jenn,

      I am am so glad my material has helped…

      Intuitive feeling…..

      Just be careful that you do realise the vitalness of inner work – so that the inner programs that still feel susceptible (the focus on what he did to me) can actually be healed completely – therefore no longer existing – rather than just having to ‘mamage’ them.

      There are so many people who believed they were ‘through it’ who have repeated abuse experiences with narcissists because they really had not transformed their inner programs.

      I was one of these people….hence why I am passionate about the message..

      Mel xo

  12. Dear Mel,

    this is the second time I have to deal with a NC relationship. The first time I ended up at a psychologist, it was a life and death experience, and I rebuilt my life and somehow it functioned okay. But then my life turned more intense in various ways, a second NC relationship, my father was incredibly sick and so on. To make it short, I did not properly heal and manifested so many more cruel things in my life that I ended up on the floor again, mentally and physically exhausted. Probably it was all about reminding me that I had some more work to do. I started with QFH last week and this morning I woke up and felt free the first time in months. I start feeling whole again from time to time. However, there is so much more stuff coming up all the time, which is why I think I have a lot more QFH to do. I am very glad that QFH offers me a way to heal myself, because it was exactly what I was missing last time. And somehow I really and honestly have enough, I just want to properly change my life and not experience any of this again.

    In addition, this article comes at the right time, because sooner or later I have to face life again and I am honestly still scared that things will turn out negative again. Therefore, I would be glad if you could write more articles on this topic.

    Thank you so much for doing all of this work. I have the feeling that my life can profoundly change ever since I found your website and the healing materials. It gives me a lot of hope that I can change my vibrations and attract more positive things in my life.

    1. Hi Maren, I loved this article too!
      It reminded me of two E books that I have on this topic that Mel has written.
      One called How to Trust and Empower your Ability to Manifest.
      The other is called Laws of Life.
      Have a look under the ebooks and you can instantly download them.
      Something to read while Mel is busy writing more articles!
      Both of the books are worth their weight in gold and Life Time Keepers.
      Love and light to you
      Val

    2. Hi Maren,

      It is so very true, that if we don’t properly heal – and our Soul truly wishes us to be in our True Self function, that life will deliver exactly what we need to realise what it is that we need to heal – and this can totally mean another narcissistic relationship.

      That is wonderful that you are using QFH to heal…Please know Maren that if you are committed to healing on the inside and living life through emotional authenticity that you will geat stronger, more confident and truly partner yourself with trust and self-love…It changes everything.

      I am glad you found the article helpful and yes I do plan to write more of them in this vein.

      Absolutely you CAN get your life right – there is nothing else to do – other than to commit to ourself with love and support. Then everything follows..

      Mel xo

  13. most of the time i feel good, in love with myself when i am at home cocooning ….
    i know i have to come out, go into live, but i am stlll afraid of doing so….
    i know now after reading this that i have to strongly believe in myself, to set my vibrations stronger …..to let go all fear and anxiety….to believe in what i really want, i want authenthic friends and authenthic love and so i have to become an authenthic real friend myself and an authenthic love myself, i want a sensefull live so i have to become sensefull myself….

    thank you melanie for once again putting me on the wright track….
    i have my ups and downs but have no other coise,i have to go this way and i believe in it

    sometimes i feel the joy and the wonderand the excitement of going further…..
    thank you once again
    rita

    1. Hi Rita,

      Truly if you can do the inner work on your fear programs before trying to push yourself ‘out there’ it is so much easier…

      Then you will flow into this beingness – raher than have the battle between your desire (being authentic love, flow and life) and the constriction, fear and pain that your mind and emotions are still generating.

      When we attend to the subconscious wounds (emotions) – then the mind follows with peace, solidness, calm and confidence.

      That is the KEY to authentic healing.

      I hope this helps.

      Mel xo

  14. Hi Melanie. I enjoyed your article immensely. It pinpointed for me where my focus is best placed in order to evolve my soul. It still intruiges me how much shifting I still have to do. I am learning to use the modules as a tool for moving forward. New challenges continue to arise, although without the urgency of “survival mode”:-) so to speak. The confidence I have gained by working the modules has given me peace of mind in that I now always have a solution.:-) I truely feel like I am meeting this amazing new person-and that I know we will be best of friends:-) I have a fresh new optimism which is in itself
    Empowering- I look forward to life, all is good. I look forward to your next article♥

    Lots of love and light

    Jane

    1. Hi Jane,

      Thi is wonderful that you have been able to shift yourself out of survival mode..and that the intense anxiety time has passed..

      Yay – how beautiful that you are meeting the fresh, true, real person that you are…We all have that person within, and once we start clearing the piles of rubble and dust away we truly do get to expereince Who We Really Are..

      Lots of love and light to you too Jane, and thank you for your post!

      Mel xo

  15. Dear Mel –

    Thank you for your words and work.

    I have been working with holding myself. This morning had a series of dream visions where terrible fear was felt in me. In working with this and embracing it to heal it began to feel as if it might not be my fear, but perhaps that of the man I separated from and must continue working out child custody and financial matters with… I finally gave this up to Great Spirit of Divine Love to sort and return home as appropriate. If it is my fear I want to claim it and heal, and every time I do this I feel tremendous freedom and personal power flowing; yet if it is another’s I want to release and not hold it!

    Your thoughts?

    Val

    1. Hi Valerie,

      It is very true that psychic enmeshment is a big part of narcissistic abuse recovery…and it can be tricky to distinguish between ‘what is or isn’t mine’…

      I like muscle test with QFH to work out the difference – however there is a fine line…when you are initially susceptible to taking on the narcissist’s emotions (psychically) it is always because there is a corresponding part of yourself that is a ‘gap’ where that can occur.

      When you have healed that ‘gap’ then no matter what the narcissist is or isn’t doing or feeling your vibration will be totally separate – connected to Your Reality and not susceptible.

      For myself a huge shift I was able to do was ‘My identity takes on other people’s energy’ to ‘My identity is connected to the love, gratitide, joy and creation of Source’…then none of the narcissist’s energy (which is NOT a match for this vibration) could penetrate my identity.

      Boy is that a relief when you no longer take on other people’s negative stuff!

      I hope this helps you?

      Mel xo

      1. Melanie,

        This is so profound, “my identity takes on other peoples energy.” I just muscle tested and realized this is huge for me and makes so much sense with empath abilities.

        Looking forward to shifting this one!

        Thanks!

        1. So true GA,

          and think about this – that is EXACTLY the model a narcissist is attached to every moment of their life…

          Having to ‘get’ an identity from other people’s energy (because they don’t have their own) – so it is a direct match…

          Truly when you shift that you will feel the influence of ex narc energy drop way, way away.

          Mel xo

      2. Hi Mel –

        yes, thank you! So I have an achilles heel… Might it be normal to need to cycle through the work more than once, or was I not thorough enough?? I also have a desire for attorneys or the law to somehow save my kids, yet at the same time fear they will trap them instead. How to shift this?

        Blessings –

        Val

  16. Hello melanie

    I was feeling the pain of constriction. I took a chance texted an old somewhat safe friend. Long story short her mother who is more authentic was visiting and we connected at soul level!!!!I felt rejuvinated and what a tremendous teacher you have been to me. When i start feeling things i stay with them breathe and invite them slowly but surely…..love u mel God bless

  17. Thank you – it’s like somewhere through all the years of miscoceptions of myself and others and the 12 years of abuse in every area, an emotional stopper was put firmly in place. For the past 3 years, I have been on an often intense yet very deep and “freeing” healing process. Recently I noticed that my stopper was beginning to “leak” and it scared me – to the point where I found myself literally withdrawing from all contact with anyone and hiding (in cycles). The trigger was someone I have come to care about a lot. He would say something emotionally authentic and I’d become overwhelmed, or he’d take me out to dinner and look me in the eyes and ask me how I was and I’d freeze in fear inside and want to get as far away from there as possible. To others these small gestures would be “normal” but to me they were so gentle and kind that it made me want to cry or scream…and run away! I didn’t know how to deal with it, I didn’t know what was expected of me – I’d never experienced this kind of thing from any male before. The emotions I felt were too unfamiliar. Recently he stopped by with a book he thought I might like to read and offered to make me a cup of tea… I felt myself retreating again, holding my breath, becoming tense. See, I was used to be on the “giving” side – I had no idea how to “recieve”…Then I gave it some thought and decided not to run this time. I took a deep breath and thanked him for the book and allowed him to make me the cup of tea. I have decided that I’m not going to run away anymore, I’m going to learn to embrace his kindness and appreciate it for what it is. I’m slowly going to allow those pent up emotions to flow out – so I can feel again. It’s difficult because at the moment, I tend to have these strange “outpourings” of emotions and then I still get scared and withdraw a little but I do know that your message today, spoke straight to my heart. I do know what I want now and I’m tired of living in denial, fear and apprehension. I’m going to stand firm this time and try something new…and ever so slowly continue to “shift”. 🙂

  18. Hi Mel,
    I’m up to module 5 now on the quanta freedom course and I am definitely feeling as if I am moving forward again. I really understand what you say about cacooning, I’ve been doing that for about a year and I’m getting free now and I know the quanta course has helped me get clear enough to do that.I feel like I am more able to appreciate love and affection .I can’t wait to get to the modules on self sabotage I think that I will get alot clearer about some things. I feel that the self sabotage is about having evil in my soul. I know that sounds crazy , but I’ve dowsed and it is clear to me. Both my parents have evil in their souls too , and if you knew the life they both have had and how hard it has been you would understand.Iknow others with evil in their souls and I think it causes a big bind because their is loads of karma involved. I always wondered why I was fascinated with the Omen films when I was younger and I saw part of myself in the little boy who plays damien in those films.

    1. I feel like I lost the thread of what i wanted to say, I sometimes write things that I regret afterward because I realise how i got caught out by being stuck in the past.My point is though that there are fears that hold us back and they are not necessarily ours, although some might be.I felt the terror and fear of death very clearly last week for the first time, I know that this fear has blocked me from facing what I’ve needed to face , and whatever you can’t face seems to be able to invade you and hijack you.Now I am older I am alot wiser and more willing to face these fears so that I can live more peacefully in my mind.There is a scene in the film clash of the titans where the army persius was leading started to run away because they got scared , but persius in his wisdom told his army that if they did not stand and fight their existence would be hardly worth living because they would lose themselves. Clint Eastwood made a similar comment in one of his films , as he was renowned for going into small towns that were being exploited by the local crime boss and he either equalized the odds or motivated the people who were being exploited to stand up for themselves.The evil is just a way to describe the consequences of not risking death to keep what is most important to you, the power is in your own hands and love is the only thing that can give you enough courage to face anything that makes you afraid.

  19. Your information is powerful and helpful to me. I really appreciate your insight and advice. I ordered the NARP yesterday. The e books are wonderful however I am having problems downloading the audio portion. I emailed for assistance but have not heard back yet. How do I access the audio portions.

  20. I just went back and read this a second time.

    There is so much in all your posts, Mel. Each one helps me to see, realize and really feel where I’m at in the emotional cycle.

    It’s been quite the roller coaster even outside the relationship with Mr. N. It’s definitely not a linear experience and that can get a bit frustrating when going from feeling pretty good at a stretch to feeling like worm in the dirt. (Still a sign of being effected from the outside, I guess.)

    I love this (among everything else) and was really key for me: “emotions, thoughts and focus are on what you don’t want, you are going to feel terrified, angry, resentful, hurt and contracted about trying to make what you want happen.

    It won’t feel possible, and the thought of trying to make it happen may even feel traumatic.”

    I go through feeling anxious a lot, especially when I am not feeling the depression.

    I get anxiety about not being where I want to be in life, etc.

    But I get so many ideas of things I want to pursue, things at my fingertips.

    But I get paralyzed and do nothing out of overwhelm from so many ideas flowing…I lose focus really.

    I get into a tailspin and don’t know what to do first. And when I start I get frustrated because I have a tendency to think about what I’m not doing.

    1. Hi Luann,

      Can you please answrer this for me…Are you doing NARP?

      Because wheat I am hearing is the struggle between mind and emotions, rather than doing the work to shift the emotions DIRECTLY and the associated belief systems that are pointing you in the direction you don’t want to travel.

      Mel xo

      1. Well I am now. I bought it months ago and did one session. Then did what I always do…stopped doing it.

        But your post prompted me to start again. And after a bad day full of triggers, I made good on a promise to myself.

        It’s apparent I have a long way to go but on the other hand I made many discoveries tonight.

        Thanks Mel.
        I appreciate you.

        1. Hi Luann,

          that is great you are going to re-engage…

          That is where the REAL work is that gets so many people in this community up and out! Not trying to heal though our minds, going straight to the emotion using QFH and transforming as a direct ‘hit’…

          If you really commit now and ‘go in’ this time regularly and do the work you will see huge and fast progress, relief and clarity.

          Mel xo

  21. HI MELANIE,
    I LOVED THIS ARTICLE, I DON’T KNOW HOW I MISSED READING IT, BUT I LOVED IT. IT TOUCHED ON MY EXACT FEELINGS AND NOW I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO COME OUT OF THIS FEAR I HAVE. I KNOW IT WILL BE A JOURNEY TO GET WHERE I WANT TO BE, BUT I AM WILLING TO FIGHT FOR MY GLORY. ONCE AGAIN MELANIE I THANK YOU FOR YOUR NEWSLETTERS BECAUSR THEY HAVE HELP TO OPEN MY EYES AND HELP TO BRING ME OUT OF A VERY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MOREON LAW OF ATTRACTION AND MANIFESTATION.

  22. Melanie,
    After reading this blog I feel you were looking in my window. I have been searching for 3 years now for a guide with actual steps to heal to help me after ending my 10 year marriage with a NPD. I have been hanging on by a thread and came across your site. Him having me end my career to be a stay at home mother, total financial destruction, alienation from family and friends at the hands of his gaslighting, I don’t even go out on my porch! I pray that GOD be willing HE comes into my heart so I may take in the advice on your site and help me heal as I fear this is the last hope. I get strong until the next day when I am faced with yet another financial and/or emotional obstacle the NPD puts in my way of healing.
    BLESSINGS!

  23. Doesn’t matter how many times I read this, I find something new, or more to the point, I am able to connect it to the current situation I am facing. Pure gold Melanie. Thank you love.

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