Surviving vs Thriving

Many people describe themselves as ‘Survivors’ of abuse, but are you a ‘Thriver’?

‘Survivors’ often find themselves still trapped in their trauma, even after leaving the relationship – and sometimes long after leaving.  This is very common in the conventional recovery community, and it happened to me too.

I was so broken by abuse that I almost died! So if you are still suffering after being abused, I want to give you hope that it’s possible to heal into a life that is even more joyful and satisfying than the one you had before the abuse. Let me show you the Thriver way – a different (and faster) pathway to healing.

If this sounds like an impossible dream, watch the video or read the transcript below to discover the difference between surviving and thriving – and how to make that switch.

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to Thriver TV, where you learn not just how to survive narcissistic abuse but how to Thrive from it. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

Many people will say “I am an abuse Survivor”, yet here, in our wonderful community, I am passionate about using the term ‘Thriver’ from abuse.

This doesn’t mean that this is any sort of immediate expectation, rather, it is a healing journey from Victim – to Survivor – and then on to a ‘Thriver’ as a much more direct path to healing than the contemporary abuse survivor path.

The easiest way for me to explain the Thriver healing path, and how it is an up-levelled reality from Survival, is to draw distinct comparisons.

 

Leaving the Narcissist

Surviving
• Getting away but still having the trauma trapped inside you, generating fear, pain and re-traumatisation.

Thriving
• Detaching not just physically but detoxing the narcissist’s energy out of the inside of you to start healing mentally, emotionally and spiritually rather than just physically getting away. Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a spiritual battle for your soul – simply leaving is not enough to heal.

 

Thoughts About the Narcissist

Surviving
• The narcissist still lives inside you, meaning obsessive rumination exists because the brain is following the emotional, somatic, limbic system traumatisation (in the body).  Continually thinking about your feelings keeps re-traumatising you – like shooting yourself with the same bullet 1000 times over. The obsessional thoughts continue indefinitely because your inner emotional being is not free from trauma.

Thriving
• In our wonderful community, we use Quanta Freedom Healing™ to release internal trauma, meaning no longer trying to think your way out of the unthinkable. Because of effectively letting the trauma go, there are no more painful emotional feelings to think about. Obsessional thoughts very quickly start to melt away.

 

Narcissistic Abuse Symptoms

Surviving
• By being trauma-filled and suffering obsessional thoughts, generating emotional pain and fear and anxiety, the conditions creating toxic thoughts, real-life battles, lack of self-care, poor health choices and deeply damaging cortisol and adrenalin surges, the symptoms of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), adrenal issues, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and any other mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and financial dis-ease remain and are further fuelled.

Thriving
• Releasing the internal traumas heals the emotional self, which then quietens the mind because it is not trying to analyse traumatised feelings. Space opens for feelings and thoughts of clarity, hope and empowerment; everything starts re-setting back to health. Thrivers commonly go free from the nasty narcissistic abuse symptoms and become healthier than ever, even if abuse is all they have ever known from earliest childhood.

 

The Focus on Trying to Heal

Surviving
• Involves researching everything there is to know about narcissists and focusing on who and what that person did to you. This is like being hit by a car and having people leave you bleeding out on the road to run after the driver. Information about narcissists doesn’t give you any more internal healing than ignoring your wounds from a hit-and-run does.

Thriving
• As Pema Chodron famously said, “If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart.” The Thriving mantra is “If there is trauma inflicted on me, it’s not my fault. But it is my responsibility to heal it because it’s in my body.”

 

 

The “Meaning of What Happened”

Surviving
• Means being stuck in the victimisation of battling abuse symptoms, feeling like it was just a terrible stroke of fate, and that a narcissist can take anyone in. Believing nothing needs changing or could be changed about self nullifies the ability to heal “self”, which is the only way to heal and change one’s life. The orientation is, “This happened to me – I am a victim, and there is nothing I can do about it.”

Thriving
• Taking the orientation “As horrible as it was, and how traumatised and broken I am now, there was a reason for this.” Healing the Thriver Way involves turning inwards with inner healing processes (we use the Quanta Freedom Healing™ Modules in NARP – the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) to meet, feel, release and heal up the parts of us that felt these people were familiar and subconsciously didn’t allow us to set boundaries or let go and look after ourselves, set values and limits and come home to our power to be free to be ourselves truly. The orientation is “This happened for me. It is my time of personal catharsis, healing and growth to claim the only Self and life that would truly gratify me.”

 

Trust

Surviving
• Having a diminished faith in life, trying to learn how to identify narcissists and suffering a lack of trust in others, life and especially in self because of still feeling damaged needy and empty inside.

Thriving
• Undertaking the development and growth of learning how to show up authentically, speak up, and be able to take time to get to know people, because of feeling whole and solid on the inside. Knowing there is no need to put one’s self and life in the hands of others – a healthy, safe and fulfilling life is about trusting yourself and your intuition, speaking up and setting the bar higher “What you accept is what you will get.”

 

Laws of Life

Surviving
• Not embodying the Quantum Law of so within, so without. Trying to live from “the outside, in” by fruitless monitoring, controlling and changing people and situations to feel healthier.

Thriving
• Understanding Quantum Law so within, so without, knowing you are unfolding your life from your inner universe to your outer universe. Understanding as an adult your subconscious programs are responsible for over 90% of how you feel, what you think, who you choose, how you treat yourself and who, what and how you participate in life. The inner work with Quanta Freedom Healing™ (NARP) creates your life powerfully and effectively from “the inside out”. Because you get better, you choose better and do better, and everything changes beyond description.

 

Boundaries

Surviving
• Continuing to struggle without a healthy inner standing of boundaries. Continuing people-pleasing allows exploitation or using ineffective ways of speaking up, thus providing a narcissistic supply to abusers, allowing them to manipulate you whilst you are trying to get your needs met. May choose hermit withdrawal from humanity, connection and love.

Thriving
• Doing the inner work to release and heal up from the old programs to trust your intuition, speak up, state limits without the fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment or punishment and be willing to leave relationships if boundaries are not respected, rather than lose yourself trying to be loved. Therefore, carving out much healthier, real, authentic connections.

 

Conclusion

If you are barely surviving abuse, this information is not to shame and blame you; it is to give you hope and inspire you.

I, too, was crippled for years in mere abuse survival, and whilst I was with the trauma trapped inside of me, I got sicker and more broken until I nearly died.

This is why I am passionate about the Thriver Recovery model. I feel so blessed I was able to channel Quanta Freedom Healing™  develop the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program and be the founder of The Thriver Way to heal from abuse, which has revolutionised previous healing paradigms.

I hope that by digesting this information today, you can understand why.

Most of all, I want you to know there is a new and true way to heal, and there is no way that your soul intended you to stay as you are now. Your best self and best life are yet to come.

I hope this article has helped you understand why I say in my videos, “Keep Thriving because there is nothing else to do.”

Please let me know if you feel you are merely surviving, or healing and Thriving, or sometimes both.

Did you know it was possible to up-level to Thriving after narcissistic abuse?

Is there some part of you deep inside that feels this can be possible, and knows it is your soul right to do so? If so, I’d love to help you.

You  can read all about NARP by clicking on this link.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.

Until the next Thriver TV episode, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving, because there is nothing else to do. Lots of love. Bye-bye.